The holidays are a time of joy, but for divorcing couples, they can be a minefield of emotions. The stress of navigating traditions, co-parenting, and personal grief can be overwhelming, especially when children are involved.
Stacy Phillips, a top divorce lawyer in Los Angeles and the author of “Divorce: It’s All About Control – How To Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars,” gives the following 10 helpful tips to get through this challenging period with grace and empathy.
1. Seek Therapy for Emotional Support:
The holiday season can serve as a painful reminder when a family splits up. You might feel lonely, sad, or stressed. You can take help from a therapist, they can listen to you and help you deal with these feelings. They can also teach you ways to cope and feel better during the holidays and how to enjoy holidays and parenting after divorce.
2. Avoid Competitiveness:
In the aftermath of a divorce, the temptation to engage in a “one-upsmanship” game with your ex-spouse may arise, especially concerning gifts for the children. Trying to show off with big gifts can cause more problems and hard feelings. Instead, focus on giving your kids love, kindness, and spending time with them. That’s what really matters and helps them feel safe and happy.
3. Practice Flexibility with Visitation Schedules:
Divorce often necessitates adjustments to established routines, especially around the holidays. You can use a co-parenting app that can help you to maintain routine. Being flexible with your visiting times shows you put your kids first and want them to have fun with both mom and dad. When you both parents work together and compromise, you’ll have less arguments and make happy memories for your kids.
4. Include New Partners in Celebrations:
It can be difficult to get along with your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend. Even if you aren’t happy about it, being friendly to them can benefit everyone. If you show that you accept them, your children will learn to do the same. This allows everyone to be friends and have fun together at celebrations.
5. Engage in Acts of Kindness:
Instead of worrying about your problems after divorce, try doing good things for others. This can help you feel better during the holidays when you’re feeling stressed or sad. It’s good to get kids involved too.When your children begin to help others, such as by contributing to a charity, they learn to care about people and to be grateful for what they have. You can do things like help out at a shelter or give money to a good cause. Doing these things shows that you care about others and want to help make the world a better place. These acts of kindness can also bring you a sense of inner peace during a challenging time like a divorce.
6. Seek Support from Friends and Family:
Surrounding yourself with loved ones during the holidays can create a warm and supportive environment for you and your children. Whether it’s sharing cherished meals or enjoying festive gatherings, these relationships give you comfort, companionship, and a strong sense of belonging. When you rely on your loved ones, it becomes simpler to deal with co-parenting after a divorce.
7. Practice Restraint in Communication:
Effective communication is essential in maintaining a harmonious co-parenting relationship, especially during emotionally charged moments. When things start to get heated, it’s really important to hold back and not say mean stuff to your ex. Acting polite and showing respect sets a good example and helps keep conversations positive. It also makes problem solving easier and keeps your children from getting upset for no reason.
8. Teach the True Meaning of the Holidays:
When you’re busy getting ready for the holidays, it’s important to teach your kids about what the season is really about. Whether it’s being nice to others, saying thank you, or taking time to think, parents can show their kids how to care for others, be generous, and have empathy. By helping kids understand the true meaning of the holidays, families can make strong connections and create special memories that go beyond just getting stuff.
9. Focus on Harmony and Peace:
No matter what religion or culture you’re from, the main aim of the holidays is to make peace and get along. As a divorced parent you can make your kids feel loved and safe by working together and understanding each other. This shows your kids that family is important, even when parents aren’t together anymore.
10. Plan for the Future:
The holidays are over? No, it never ends. There’s still lots to look forward to! Talk to your kids about what they want to do in the future.
This could be fun things for the weekend, or even things they want to achieve in the new year. When you plan together, your kids will feel excited and like they have a say. This also makes your family closer.
So think happy thoughts about what’s coming next, and get ready to have some fun together!