Category: Co-parenting

Sometimes during a separation/divorce, one parent might try to turn their child against the other parent. This can be really hurtful to the child. It might make the child not want to see the other parent anymore, even if they used to get along well.

We already talked about this in another article, you can click here if you want to know more. Today, we’ll tell you how parental alienation affects your children. Keep reading.

Effects of parental alienation on children’s mental health

Parental alienation can have devastating effects on your child’s mental health and well-being. Some of the most common consequences of parental alienation include:

Emotional and psychological distress:

Parental alienation can cause significant emotional and psychological harm to children, affecting their overall health and mental well-being. Take, for example, a child whose parents are undergoing a challenging divorce. If one parent intentionally manipulates the child to develop negative feelings towards the other parent, it can result in emotional anguish and psychological turmoil for the child. This may manifest as feelings of anxiety, depression, diminished self-worth, and an unstable emotional state. Additionally, the child’s sense of security and trust can be profoundly impacted, leading to long-term consequences for their mental well-being.

Attachment issues:

When one parent tries to make their child reject the other parent, it can seriously hurt the child’s ability to have healthy relationships. This manipulation can disrupt the child’s emotional bonds and trust, not only with the alienated parent but also with others. Let me give you an example to illustrate this impact.

Imagine a situation where a divorced father is systematically portrayed as the “bad guy” by the mother to their child. As a result, the child starts to distance themselves from the father, believing the negative portrayal. This ongoing alienation can lead to the child experiencing difficulties in forming and maintaining meaningful connections with the father, and potentially with others in the future.

You can see here the child’s attachment to the father is disrupted by the parental alienation, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships. Such experiences can have long-term implications for the child’s emotional well-being and their future relationships.

Developmental Challenges

Parental alienation has the potential to significantly impact a child’s development and growth. The ongoing conflict and negativity surrounding this situation can hinder their emotional, social, and cognitive advancement. Children who experience these dynamics often exhibit behavioral issues, such as aggression, defiance, and difficulties controlling their impulses. Moreover, they may struggle with concentration and academic underperformance. Furthermore, the alienation can sever connections with extended family members, leaving children without a sense of community and support. This loss of important relationships and positive role models can result in feelings of isolation and dysfunction within their family and social surroundings.

Identity confusion: 

When a child is manipulated into rejecting one parent, it can severely impact their ability to form a coherent sense of self and identity. This manipulation forces the child to navigate conflicting narratives and loyalties, creating a turbulent internal conflict. As a result, they may experience deep confusion about their own values, beliefs, and sense of belonging, hindering their overall emotional and psychological development.

Guilt and self-blame: 

Children may feel guilty for rejecting the targeted parent, leading to feelings of shame, remorse, and a sense of personal responsibility for the family’s dysfunction.

Increased risk of substance abuse and other harmful behaviors: 

Children who experience parental alienation may be more likely to engage in risky or self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, as a way to cope with the emotional pain and trauma they are experiencing.

The long-term impact of parental alienation

Parental alienation can have lasting effects on kids, continuing well into adulthood. It often causes strained relationships with both parents, creating a permanent gap with the alienated parent, even if the person later realizes they were manipulated. These experiences can make it hard to form and maintain healthy relationships due to attachment and trust issues. This can lead to mental health problems like depression, anxiety, and PTSD from the emotional trauma in childhood. The dysfunction may pass down through generations, as affected individuals might unintentionally alienate their own children. This can also increase the risk of substance abuse and other addictive behaviors as a way to cope with unresolved emotional pain. Ultimately, difficulties in resolving conflicts and problem-solving can arise, negatively impacting personal and professional relationships.

Parental alienation is complex and harmful, with severe consequences for children and families. This is why learning about parenting and co-parenting is essential. If you have kids and decide to break up with your partner, start learning about co-parenting right away. Parental alienation can happen not only after a divorce but also in conflicting relationships or blended families. The 2houses parenting app can be a lifesaver for you, your kids, and your whole family!

Parenting is a journey filled with countless choices, but perhaps none are as impactful as the words we choose to share with our children.  When it comes to co-parenting, when communication is key, every word matters. Our words have the potential to boost a child’s self-confidence or bring them down. There are certain things parents should never say to their kids. In this article, we’ll talk about six things you should avoid saying to your kids because they can really hurt your kids emotionally.

1. “I wish I’d never had kids.”

It’s totally okay if you’ve ever had the thought, “I wish I’d never had kids.” Lots of parents feel that way sometimes, especially when they’re super tired or upset after a tough day. But here’s the thing: those feelings usually come and go. They don’t mean you don’t love your kids overall.

When you’re feeling like that, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Telling your child you wish you didn’t have them can really hurt their feelings and make things tougher between you two. Instead, take a breather. Give yourself some time to calm down and think things through.

2. Don’t use any sort of comparing words. Like don’t say – “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?!”

It might seem okay to compare your child to others, like their other parent or sibling. But do you know it can actually hurt them in the long run.

When you say things like, “You’re just like your dad,” it can make your child feel bad in two ways. First, it hurts their confidence. Second, it can make them feel distant from the person they’re being compared to.

For example, if you always complain about Dad, then being compared to him feels like an insult. Every time you put Dad down, it also puts your child down. It’s not nice for kids to hear parents argue, and being called “just like Dad” when he’s being criticized can make your child feel mad and ashamed. If the comparison is with an ex-partner, it can make your child feel insecure and confused about their place in the family. Also it may cause parental alienation syndrome in your kids. 

Comparing your child to their brother or sister, like saying, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” only makes them fight more and not like each other as much. Every child is different, with their own good and bad things. When you compare them, you forget that they’re special in their own way. It also makes them compete instead of work together. 

A misconception in our society that we usually think comparing our kids will make them try harder, but it really just makes them feel bad about themselves. Kids do best when they feel loved for who they are, not when they’re always being compared. Instead of focusing on what they’re not good at, celebrate their unique qualities and help them make choices they believe in.

3. “You never do anything right.” / “You’re a loser.”

When you tell your child they never do anything right or that they’re a loser, you’re not just critiquing their actions; you’re attacking their self-worth. Using such harsh language is akin to wielding a verbal sledgehammer, smashing their confidence and leaving them emotionally bruised.

Criticism can be a tool for growth when delivered constructively, but these words serve no purpose other than to inflict pain. They’re not about guiding your child towards improvement; they’re about tearing them down. And the damage they cause extends far beyond the moment they’re spoken.

Children internalize these negative messages, shaping their self-image and influencing their beliefs about their abilities. Rather than motivating them to do better, it often leads to withdrawal and a fear of failure. When a child constantly hears that they can’t do anything right, they start to believe it, and their actions reflect that belief.

4. “You’re making me angry!

Things can get crazy when you co-parent. But remember, it’s your job to handle your feelings, not your kids’. Saying things like “You’re making me Angry!” just makes them feel bad and puts a wall between you. Sure, your kids might do stuff that upsets you, but they’re not the only reason you feel that way.

Here’s a better way to handle things. Instead of blaming them, say something like “This is a tough time. I’m starting to feel angry, and it’s my job to calm myself down…” By showing your kids how to understand and deal with feelings, you’re not only helping them learn how to control their emotions, but you’re also building trust with your co-parent.

The main idea is: when you co-parent, taking care of your own feelings is the most important thing to do to have a good relationship with your kids.

5. “You’re dumb”

Your words have power. When you call your child “dumb,” it’s more than just mean words. Those words can stick with them for a long time and make them feel bad about themselves. Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything they hear, especially from their parents.

Think about how it feels to hear those words from someone you love and trust. It can make them doubt themself and not think they can do things. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But remember, kids listen closely, especially to their parents. Even if you’re angry, those words can hurt their feelings for a long time.

6. “Stop talking to me! Go away!”

Parenting can be incredibly overwhelming at times, and it’s natural to feel the need to escape from it all. But it’s essential to handle these moments with care, especially when co-parenting. Instead of abruptly pushing your child away with a dismissive command, try taking responsibility for your feelings and communicating them in a healthier manner.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, consider expressing yourself like this: “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now and need some space to clear my head. I’m going to step away for a moment to take a breather. I’ll be back soon.” By doing so, you not only acknowledge your emotions but also model healthy communication and self-care to your child.

What to Do Instead of Saying Something You Might Regret

Parents have a significant psychological power over their children, and it is crucial to hold back emotions and words to teach the lessons they want their children to learn. In moments of extreme anger and frustration, taking a deep breath, refocusing on the task at hand, and replacing words with actions can help. It is important to remember that what comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.

When parents hear hurtful words, it is important to remember that what comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into their child’s ear the way you want it to. If a parent apologizes for their words, most children are forgiving and want to get along with them. This serves as good role modeling for any relationship.

As parents, our words carry immense power, and instead of resorting to hurtful labels, we should strive to provide guidance and support. Encouragement, coupled with constructive feedback, fosters resilience and growth. We should choose our words carefully, nurturing our children’s confidence rather than eroding it with harmful rhetoric.

For busy parents, hearing their child dislike school can be frustrating and worrying. This complex issue can stem from academic struggles, social difficulties, a disconnect with the curriculum, or even the impact of a family situation like a divorce. If you’re facing this, your first step as a parent is to find out why your child feels this way.

The most important step is to identify why your kid dislikes school.

To help your child, you first need to understand why they don’t like school. This may require a combination of observation, communication, and collaboration with your child, their teachers, and any relevant professionals.

Some common reasons behind a child’s dislike for school include:

• School work is too hard or confusing.
• They’re having trouble getting along with other kids.
• School feels boring or not interesting.
• They’re worried or scared about something at school.
• Something bad happened in the past that makes them not want to go.
• Events like parental divorce can cause emotional distress, impacting their ability to focus on study. 

By understanding the specific factors contributing to your child’s attitude, you can tailor your approach and interventions to address the root causes. And this will help you while you discuss with your ex-partner about your kid’s issue about disliking school. 

Communicate with your co-parent about the situation 

Effective communication with your co-parent is essential when addressing your child’s dislike for school. You can begin by scheduling a time to discuss the issue, ensuring that you are both in a calm and receptive state of mind.

During the conversation, you must inform the co-parent of the core cause you have previously identified or the specific issues your child is facing. And brainstorm potential solutions for your children, then share your ideas with your ex-partner. You both must try to avoid blaming each other. Instead, approach the conversation with a problem-solving perspective. Encourage your co-parent to share their thoughts, and be willing to compromise and work together..

You both need to agree on a plan that clearly defines what each of you will do. This plan could include regular check-ins, setting up homework schedules, or attending parent-teacher meetings together. 

Collaborating with teachers and school staff

After you and your ex-partner talk about your child and agree on a plan, it’s important to work with your child’s teachers and school staff too. This can help if your child doesn’t like school. Contact their teachers and set up a meeting to talk about the problem. Just like you share thoughts with your ex-partner, don’t be afraid to share your observations, concerns, and any important information about your child’s home life and co-parenting situation.

In the meeting, work together to find ways to help your child at home and in school. This might mean changing the curriculum, providing extra help, or addressing social or emotional issues your child may have. Ask the teachers to keep you updated on your child’s progress and any changes in their behavior or schoolwork. By working closely with the school, you can create a supportive and steady environment that can help your child start to like school more.

Implement a consistent routine and structure

Establishing a consistent routine and structure at home can have a significant impact on your child’s attitude towards school. Ensure that there are clear expectations and boundaries around homework, bedtime, and other school-related responsibilities.

Involve your child in the process of creating this routine, allowing them to have a sense of ownership and control. Encourage them to participate in setting up a dedicated study space, organizing their school supplies, and planning their daily schedule. You know consistency is key, so work closely with your co-parent to ensure that the same routines and expectations are maintained across both households. This will help your child feel more secure and motivated, as they can anticipate and rely on the predictable structure.

You should support your child’s interests and strengths outside of school

While addressing the challenges your child faces in the school environment is important, it’s equally crucial to nurture their passions and strengths outside of the classroom. Encourage them to explore their hobbies, talents, and extracurricular activities that they genuinely enjoy.

This can help boost your child’s confidence, self-esteem, and overall sense of well-being. When they experience success and fulfillment in areas they are naturally inclined towards, it can positively impact their attitude towards their academic responsibilities.

You should work with your co-parent to identify and support your child’s interests, whether it’s sports, music, art, or other pursuits. Attend their events, celebrate their achievements, and help them find ways to connect their passions to their schoolwork.

By fostering a well-rounded and balanced approach to your child’s development, you can help them see the value in their education and maintain a positive outlook on their academic journey.

Explore alternative educational options If needed

If traditional schooling is not meeting your child’s needs, it may be worth exploring alternative educational options. This could include:

• Homeschooling or remote learning programs
• Specialized schools or programs that cater to your child’s unique learning style or interests
• Supplementary educational services, such as tutoring or enrichment activities

Before making any significant changes, carefully research and evaluate the available options, considering factors such as educational quality, cost, and alignment with your family’s values and needs. Involve your co-parent in the decision-making process to ensure a unified approach. If required consult with a specialist from 2houses.com.

Remember that every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. A specialist can suggest different ideas and change your plan as needed to find what works best for your child.

Seeking professional help and guidance if needed

If you’ve tried a bunch of things to help your child like school, but nothing seems to work, it might be time to get help from a specialist. These experts can do tests to see what’s going on and come up with a plan just for your child. This plan might include talking to a therapist, getting extra help with schoolwork, or even going to a different school if that’s best.

Every parent will attest to the fact that child discipline is an integral part of parenting. However, navigating this terrain becomes a bit more challenging post-divorce. Today we explore how you can successfully manage child discipline after a divorce.

1. Understand the Challenges

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand the challenges that may arise when disciplining your children post-divorce. Children may experience emotional upheaval during this period, leading to changes in their behavior. They might start acting out, become defiant, or test boundaries as a way to cope or express their feelings. Being aware of these potential issues can help you approach discipline in a more effective and compassionate manner.

2. Maintain Consistency Across Households

One of the most crucial aspects of child discipline post-divorce is maintaining consistency across both households. It’s essential for divorced parents to coordinate and agree on a common set of rules and expectations. This consistency provides a sense of stability for the child, which can be comforting during a time of such significant change.

3. Effective Communication is Key

Effective communication between the co-parents is pivotal when it comes to child discipline. If a child misbehaves or breaks a rule while at one parent’s house, it’s essential for that parent to inform the other. This ensures that the child understands that their actions have consequences, regardless of where they are or with whom.

4. Be Flexible and Compromise

While it’s important to maintain consistency, it’s equally necessary to be flexible and willing to compromise. You and your ex might not agree on every rule, and that’s okay. Distinguish between important rules that directly affect your child’s health and well-being, and less significant rules where you can afford to be more flexible.

5. Avoid Guilt-Driven Decisions

A common pitfall in post-divorce parenting is letting guilt influence your discipline decisions. Although it’s natural to feel guilty, it’s important not to let this guilt lead to lax discipline or inconsistent enforcement of rules. Remember that setting boundaries and implementing consequences for inappropriate behavior is a crucial aspect of parenting, not something to feel guilty about.

6. Foster a Positive Relationship with Your Ex

Maintaining a positive relationship with your ex, irrespective of personal differences, is crucial for effective co-parenting. Your children will notice if you and your ex are not on good terms and might even try to exploit these differences. Always communicate respectfully with your ex, especially when discussing issues related to child discipline.

7. Involve Children in Family Meetings

Regular family meetings can be a helpful tool in managing child discipline post-divorce. These meetings provide a platform for open discussion about behavior, expectations, and consequences. It also gives children a chance to voice their concerns, making them feel heard and valued.

8. Don’t Undermine the Other Parent’s Authority

Undermining the other parent’s authority is a big no-no. Even if you disagree with their disciplinary methods or rules, it’s important not to express these disagreements in front of your children. Doing so can confuse your child and weaken the overall disciplinary structure.

9. Enforce Consequences Consistently

Consistency in enforcing consequences is essential in child discipline. If a child faces a consequence for a specific behavior at one parent’s house, the same consequence should apply at the other parent’s house. This reinforces the idea that rules apply universally, not just in one particular setting.

10. Keep Your Child’s Best Interest at Heart

Ultimately, every decision you make regarding child discipline should be in the best interest of your child. It’s not about winning or being the favorite parent. It’s about teaching your child accountability, responsibility, and respect for rules.

Did you know that only about one-third of stepfamily marriages last? The statistic begs the question: What is the deciding factor between the families that make it and those that do not? I propose that if you have a Super Stepmom, your family will stay together.

A strong, focused stepmom can save the family. She is the secret weapon. Why do some stepmoms stick it out while others surrender? A Super Stepmom has three key attributes:

Resilience: The Foundation of Strength

Resilience is the bedrock of endurance. It embodies the steadfast resolve that declares, “I will uphold this marriage! I will foster a connection with these children! I will overlook disparaging remarks!” There are four facets of resilience: social, emotional, mental, and physical.

1. Social resilience is fortified by having an ally – someone who offers unwavering support. Spending time with a dear friend who brings joy and allows you to be yourself bestows superpowers upon you. The Super Stepmom forges ahead with strength, achieving her objectives through daily communication with her closest confidants.
2. Emotional resilience bolsters your fortitude. Can a stepmom ever possess enough resilience? The Super Stepmom maintains a buoyant spirit and a positive outlook on life. Encountering a challenging day? Cultivate a positive mindset!
3. Mental resilience involves honing your cognitive faculties.  It’s about dealing with problems, no matter how big or small. This could be something as simple as staying calm when you see a messy room, or something huge like finishing a marathon. Whatever the size of the challenge, you need to stay focused and keep trying hard. The Super Stepmom says, “My family and marriage come first. I’ll put in the time and effort needed.” She knows that if she keeps her focus, she’ll see good things happen.
4. To become a super step mom you should prioritize your physical well-being. You don’t have to stress over looking flawless, but it’s great to do some quick exercises to keep your heart, lungs, and mind in top shape. Next time you’re at a family gathering and need a breather, try stepping outside for a few jumping jacks. It’s a simple way to boost your energy and stay refreshed. Trust me, taking care of your physical well-being can make a big difference!.

Unconditional Kindness: The Superpower of Love

Unconditional kindness is the hallmark of a Super Stepmom. It involves consistently showing compassion and empathy towards your stepchildren, even in challenging circumstances. As you know our society still views stepmothers negatively. 

Consider a scenario where your stepchild is struggling academically and feels discouraged. Instead of criticizing or blaming them, you offer your support by helping with homework, providing encouragement, and celebrating their progress, no matter how small.

Furthermore, imagine your stepchild expresses resentment towards you, feeling torn between loyalty to their biological parent and acceptance of you. Instead of reacting defensively, you respond with patience and understanding. You reassure them of your love and commitment to their well-being, demonstrating that kindness knows no bounds.

Even amidst disagreements or misunderstandings, you maintain an unwavering commitment to kindness. For instance, if tensions arise during family discussions, you strive to de-escalate the situation by actively listening, validating others’ perspectives, and seeking common ground.

By consistently embodying kindness, you not only nurture a positive relationship with your stepchildren but also foster an atmosphere of trust, respect, and harmony within your blended family. This fosters emotional security and strengthens familial bonds, laying the foundation for long-term stability and happiness.

The Invisibility Cloak: Your Secret Weapon

Another important thing for stepmoms is what we call the invisibility cloak. It’s like having a special power that helps you in tricky situations.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you’re at a family party, and everyone is introducing themselves. When it’s your turn and you say, “I’m the stepmom,” suddenly it’s like you disappear. People start talking to others instead of you, and you feel completely ignored. Instead of feeling unhappy, you can be proud of your invisibility cloak.

Even though you might not get a lot of attention, you’re still super important! Just like a superhero who does amazing things without anyone noticing, you can make a big difference in your family. By being strong, kind, and using your invisibility cloak, you’re like a real-life superhero who helps keep your family happy forever!

Starting the conversation about your divorce with your kids can feel like stepping into a maze of emotions. Even though you’re certain it’s the right choice for your family, broaching the subject isn’t any easier. But how you handle this difficult talk can significantly impact your children’s well-being. This guide will help you tell your kids about the divorce step by step. We’ll also share a secret most parents don’t know! Let’s talk!

At first Make a Plan to break the news

Creating a plan for telling your kids about your divorce is super important for their feelings during this tough time. It’s best if both parents can talk together calmly. Planning what you’ll say ahead of time helps avoid fights and shows your kids you’re still a team in raising them, even with things changing. It’s crucial to show them you’re both saying, “We can handle this,” even though it’s complicated. But if talking together isn’t possible, it’s a good idea for the parent who spends the most time with the kids to do the talking. This keeps things clear and steady during this big change in the family.

Decide what to say  

The way you talk about the divorce depends on how old your child is and their maturity level. Don’t tell them too much at once, and listen to their questions instead of giving them a bunch of information they might not understand yet.

How to talk to 0 to 5 year old kids about divorce

It can be hard to talk to young kids about divorce. Babies and toddlers need their mommy and daddy a lot, and they don’t understand grown-up things like divorce. Preschoolers are starting to do more things on their own, but they still need help from grown-ups most of the time. They might be confused and scared when things change.

If your child is 3-5 and acting differently, like wanting to be held more or having trouble sleeping, it might be because of the divorce. As a mommy or daddy, your job is to take care of your child and make them feel safe. Even after a divorce, it’s important to keep your child’s life as normal as possible. This means doing the same things each day, like eating meals, playing, taking baths, and going to bed. It also means being there for your child whenever they need you.

To help your child understand, use short and simple words. Tell them who is moving out, where they will live, and when they will see the other parent. If your child asks any question, answer their questions with short answers. It might take a few talks for them to understand everything. Since this age is super important for brain development, the most important thing for both parents is to keep things normal and show them lots of love!

How to talk to 6 to 11 year old kids about divorce:

Kids around 6 to 8 years old are still figuring out their feelings and might not understand grownup things like divorce. They might not understand everything, but they can feel confused.

you can start the conversation gently. we need to talk to you about something important. Your dad and I have been having some problems, and we’ve decided that it’s best for us to live separately. Then you can say We understand this might be hard for you. We’re here to answer any questions you have and help you through this.

This age is emotional, your kid’s eyes may fill with tears and may ask a common question “Does this mean I won’t see one of you anymore?”. You should hug your child tightly and respond, “No, sweetheart. You will still see both of us. We’ll work out a schedule so you can spend time with both Mommy and Daddy. And we’ll still do all the things we love to do together. Like movie nights and playing in the park.” Throughout the conversation, you should listen to your kid’s feelings and answer her questions honestly.

For 9- to 11-year-olds:

For kids aged 9 to 11, understanding their feelings about divorce becomes easier as they grow older, and having more friends outside the family can provide support, although they might still simplify things as right or wrong. However, they may feel scared, mad, or sad about the divorce, and some might even hope their parents will reconcile, questioning if they’re to blame. As a parent your duty is to reassure them it’s not their fault and they can’t fix it.

You could explain it this way if your youngster has seen a lot of parental disagreement and anger:

“You might have heard we fight more lately. We’re both feeling mad sometimes. But remember, we’re not mad at you! This grown-up stuff is complicated, but we’ll figure it out ourselves. It’s not your job to stop us from being mad. Other grown-ups like lawyers and therapists can help us with that. You don’t need to worry, divorce won’t change how much we love you. We’ll both always be here for you. You’re not alone.”

How to talk to 12 to 14 year old kids about divorce

Teenagers are the easiest and the hardest to inform of your divorce.They might have questions and want to talk about it.  Reactions can vary from: “it’s about time” to “you can’t divorce,” and everything in between. If the marriage has been highly conflictual between you and your partner, it may be a relief for your teen.

Talking to 12 to 14-year-olds about divorce means understanding they can grasp what’s happening. Let them know together as a family. Avoid sugarcoating it, but focus on the fact that you both love them and that’s not changing. They might be worried about living arrangements, friends, or seeing both parents. You can reassure them and answer their questions openly.  Make sure you should talk in a straightforward and honest way about what things will look like moving forward, like living arrangements and spending time with each parent. It’ll be best if you give them some age appropriate books about divorce. That can be a great way to open up communication with your kids.

Tips for Conducting the Conversation with your kids

When you’re getting ready to talk to your kids about what’s going on, remember that timing matters. Don’t spill the beans too early, because that can make them worry a lot. Instead, try to tell them a little while before big changes happen. Surprises aren’t good in this situation, so make sure they know what’s coming. And don’t go pointing fingers or blaming anyone. Let your kids know it’s not their fault; it’s just something that’s happening. Always be honest with them. If you start telling fibs, they might think it’s okay to do the same. It’s important to talk to your co-parent and do this together. It’s a team effort. When you sit down with your kids, keep it simple. Tell them why you’re getting a divorce in words they can understand. Let them know you both love them a whole lot and that’s never going to change. Reassure them that you’re both going to keep taking care of them. And remind them they don’t have to pick sides – they can love both of you just the same, and you both love them, too. Keep in mind while you talk to your child don’t say bad things about the other parent, or blame the other parents for this divorce. This will result in parental alienation.

Still, If you’re unsure and don’t know how to tell your kids about the divorce, you can get advice from parenting professionals and download the 2houses parenting app on your phone. There are lots of resources there to help you be the best parent you can be for your kids.

In a world where fairy tales reign supreme, stepmothers often find themselves cast as the villains, perpetuating the age-old question: Why Does Society Hate Stepmoms? From wicked witches to domineering figures, modern retellings seem determined to pit biological bonds against all else.  In this article, we’ll figure out why society feels this way about stepmoms.

Reason #1 : The historical context of stepmoms and societal perceptions

Throughout history, stepmoms have been subjected to unfair treatment and negative perceptions. In folklore and fairy tales such as “Cinderella” and “Snow White” have cemented the image of the wicked stepmother in popular imagination. These stories often depict stepmothers as antagonistic figures, perpetuating the belief that stepmothers are inherently unkind or malevolent.

These ideas stuck around and made people believe that stepmoms are always mean and can’t love their stepkids. Even society’s rules made it tough for stepmoms. People used to look down on women who remarried after being widowed or divorced. They thought these women might mess up the traditional family or try to take property. So, stepmoms often got left out or judged unfairly.

These days, families are different, and love is more important. But stepmoms still have challenges fitting in. Reality is, not all stepmoms are like the ones in stories. Many real ones love and care for their stepkids, proving everyone wrong. So, even though stories make them look bad, stepmoms can be loving and kind in real life.

Reason #2 : Common misunderstandings and stereotypes about stepmoms

Big mistake people make about step-moms is thinking they want to be the real mom instead. This can cause problems in new families. Kids might feel they gotta pick sides, and the step-mom might seem like a mean replacement. But that’s not true! Step-moms aren’t there to take anyone’s place. They’re there to help out and make the family even stronger.

Another wrong idea is that step-moms are just cold and don’t care. People think they’re outsiders ’cause they’re not the real mom. But that’s not always the case! Lots of step-moms get super close to their step-kids and work hard to be friends.

Reason #3 : The impact of media on the portrayal of stepmoms

Media plays a significant role in shaping societal perceptions and attitudes towards stepmoms. Unfortunately, media often reinforces negative stereotypes, portraying stepmoms as antagonistic or neglectful.  Lots of movies and TV shows paint stepmoms as bad person, making it seem like all stepmoms are just mean. These portrayals don’t just give people the wrong idea about stepmoms, they also set up expectations that are impossible to meet.

But things are getting better! Nowadays, some TV shows and movies are showing stepmoms in a nicer way. They’re portrayed as kind and caring people who are just trying their best in blended families. When the media shows positive stepmom characters, it helps people see them in a new light and understand them better.

Reason #4 : The Challenging role of stepmoms in blended families

In blended families, stepmoms can face some tough challenges. Sometimes, stepkids see them as rivals because they want their biological parent’s attention. This can lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. Problems can also pop up when stepmoms have their own kids and it seems like they’re getting special treatment. Other issues might include disagreements about rules, trouble talking openly, and worries from stepkids about where they fit in. Stereotypes and not being sure about their role can make things even trickier.

But it’s important to know that these challenges aren’t because stepmoms are bad—it’s more about how the family works and everyone’s personalities.

How to change societal views alongside tackling this challenge?

To overcome challenges and improve relationships with stepchildren, stepmoms need to talk openly and understand each other’s feelings. They should do fun things together and respect each other’s space. It’s important for stepmoms to get support from their partners, other stepmoms, or support groups. They should also talk openly with their partners about how they want to parent together.

Society is starting to understand stepmoms better, but there are still stereotypes. We need to challenge these stereotypes and appreciate the different kinds of moms out there, including stepmoms.

Luckily, there are lots of places stepmoms can go for parenting help, like 2houses.com, online groups and local support groups. It’s important for stepmoms to reach out and connect with others who understand what they’re going through. Keep in mind becoming a super step mom is not a tough job. You just only need to follow some steps. Nothing else. 

In conclusion, society’s perception of stepmoms is often clouded by misunderstandings and stereotypes. By unraveling these misconceptions, exploring the historical context, and examining the impact of media, we can gain a deeper understanding of the complexities surrounding stepmom relationships. It is important for society to recognize the love, dedication, and sacrifices that stepmoms bring to their families. By embracing the diversity of mother figures and fostering a more inclusive and understanding society, we can create a supportive environment for all mothers, including stepmothers.

When a family finds itself in the middle of a separation or divorce, one of the first worries is “what about the children?” Research has shown that while divorce can be hard on children, its often the fighting of the parents that most directly affects the children. And the impact depends on how well the parents are able to isolate the children from these disruptions.

Many psychologists and other therapists have tips and suggestions on how best to help your children at times like these. One organization that provides a very good pamphlet and other information is the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

Parenting is a lifelong job, and remember, you do not divorce your children. The following ideas are 7 tips to keep in mind to help buffer your children from the real and imagined problems they face during parental separation and or divorce:

1. Try to Maintain Consistency

One of the best things you can do is to maintain a regular routine and rules every day. It doesn’t matter how often your kids stay with you, having clear expectations for how they should behave is super important. This means:

• Make a plan for waking up, getting ready, school, chores, homework, TV time, and bedtime. Stick to this plan every day.
• Have clear rules about what happens if they behave well or not (like rewards for good choices and consequences for bad ones).
• Be strict but kind, and show them you love them.

During a divorce, kids might act out to see what they can get away with. It’s your job to be the steady grownup and show them life goes on even when things are not going smoothly.

Spending time with your kids regularly helps them feel safe and loved. Try to have some special one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s not for long. This will make a big difference for them.

2. Show Extra Affection

Another important point is that tough times are the best times to be more affectionate. You can show extra affection to your kids by talking openly with your kids so they feel safe sharing their feelings. Don’t hesitate to spend quality time with your child by engaging in activities they enjoy. When you start giving lots of hugs and cuddles, and saying kind things to make your child feel good about themselves. Also make an effort to listen to your kids without interruptions. Teach your youngster healthy coping mechanisms for their emotions. Be a source of strength by guiding them through challenges, celebrating their achievements. And always being there for them with patience and reassurance. As a parent you should always remember, a little more affection can make a big difference to children who are feeling scared or lonely. But, be careful, not to overdo this. 

3. Avoid Reversing Roles

Don’t switch roles with your kids during a divorce. It’s normal for them to want to cheer you up, but it’s best to keep the parent-child roles clear. You don’t want them to feel like they have to take care of you or your ex. That’s too much for them. Instead, get help from experts so you can concentrate on being there for your kids the way they need. By making sure they don’t shoulder adult responsibilities, you’re giving them the space to just be kids and helping them through this rough patch with strength and resilience.

4. Foster Connections

Help your children to stay connected. You should support your kids when they wanna hang out with friends or do stuff. It’s not a good move to switch schools or daycares if you can help it. Sometimes schools can bend the rules if you’re moving apart. You can talk to your therapist or school counselor about it. Even if you must move to a distant neighborhood and school district, make an effort to have sleepovers and playdates with their old friends, and encourage new friendships too.

5. Reassure Basic Needs

Reassure your children about the basic necessities. Your children need to hear that both parents still love them and that the problems aren’t their fault. So, Tell your kids that they’ll still get what they need, like food and a place to live. Let them know that you both parents still care about them, and that any troubles aren’t because of them.

Sometimes when parents argue about where to sleep, your kids might get scared and think they’ll have to sleep in the car. But no matter what, parents have to make sure their kids have everything they need – a comfy place to live, food, clothes, school stuff, and more. Tell your kid it’s all good, and that both parents are taking care of everything. And let them know they don’t need to worry about this stuff.

6. Minimize Exposure to Conflict

Shield your children from witnessing or being involved in parental disputes. Both parents should keep disagreements private. Always keep in mind, kids have a knack for overhearing things. Avoid putting them in the middle or making them deliver messages during arguments – that’s not their job. And as for asking them about your ex, it’s best to resist the temptation. If you really need to know something, just give your ex a call directly.

7. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is really important, especially during challenging times. This is true for everyone, whether you have kids or not. To feel your best, eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Don’t shut yourself off from others – spend time with friends and family who make you feel good. If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or angry, it’s okay to ask for help from a therapist near you or take a consultation from 2houses. Family therapy can also be a great resource for you.

Remember, the more you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of the people around you!

Only seeing your children every other weekend can be devastating. You miss them when they are not with you, and those few short days does not give you hardly enough time to settle into a routine before they are whisked back to the primary custodial parent.

If you only have standard visitation, this usually means that is the minimal allotted time you can spend with your children by law. By being respectful to your ex, using a little imagination and some ingenuity there are ways to see your children more. Be sure to read your parenting plan and decree carefully before taking any of the following steps, and if neither say you can’t do any of the following list, go and spend some more time with your kids! So what are you waiting for? As Nike says…Just do it!

1) Take lunch to your child at school

Nothing makes a kid feel more special than when a parent shows up with a bag of Mickey D’s under their arm at lunch time. Generally, the decree will not stipulate that you are not allowed to visit your child at school, and most schools will allow you to bring lunch to your child. Email the teacher and let them know ahead of time that you are coming and enjoy lunch and maybe even recess with your child! You will not only be your child’s hero, but this way of co-parenting technique will make you the coolest parent among their friends.

2) Coach a team sport your child plays on

Does your child like sports? Many kids have practice twice and a game each week. This is a great way to have more fun time with your child. Team sports are great for kids because it teach them socialization, the art of winning and losing and how to be a team player. All lessons that will add value to their lives. Just make sure to talk with your ex first. Keep his/him informed of practices and games and let them know that you will take care of everything. Your kid will appreciate that you’re both working together as parents. They will be super happy too, and you’ll be their hero once again.

3) Offer to make pickups and drop offs for extra-curricular activities

Your ex will most likely welcome the break, and if they don’t usually do the picking up, then let them know you have made arrangements with who does pick them up and you will be doing it. Be sure to explain to your ex that you have the time to do it and would love to help lighten her load. After you pick up your child, take them out for ice cream and help them with their homework. Not only does that give you some extra time, but also gets a very important step done that the primary caregiver generally stresses over.

4) Volunteer to be a chaperon on field trips for your child’s class

You get the whole day to spend with your child. I realize, many of you are saying…but, we have to work! Take the day off. What is more important? This is a special day and memory that you can create with your child and it is above and beyond your usual shared custody arrangement. Once again, check with your ex and see if they are planning on chaperoning for the field trip. If they are not, email the teacher and explain how important it is for you to be there and how much you are looking forward to it. Even if that teacher has enough parents for that event, I guarantee they will always take one more.

5) Attend all school plays and functions your child is in

No, this isn’t one on one time, but you see him or her and more importantly, they see a parent who is there to support them and cheer them on. Often times, parents without primary custody do not attend functions. Sometimes it is because they are not aware of them. But, you are entitled by law to be aware of them. Make sure you’re on the school’s email list so you don’t miss anything. Surprise your child by showing up at their events. These are big moments in your child’s life, and they’ll remember if you were there to support them. Make these moments even more special by being there.

6) During mid-week breaks, offer to take the kids in lieu of a babysitter

If you make your ex think you are doing them a favor, they will be grateful and be more agreeable. It is better than paying a babysitter, trust me. Arrange to pick your child up at the same time they would be going to school and to drop them off at the time when school is normally out. Don’t rock the boat by asking for extra time during these days. If your ex is agreeable this time to you taking your kids, then think about how easy it will be next time, and eventually, it could lead to more time with your children. Keep the big picture in mind.

7) Participate in all birthday parties for your child

Most decrees or parenting plans allow a parent who is not the primary custodian to spend a few hours with their children on their birthdays. You can tell your ex-spouse that you would like to be there for the party, even if it is just to watch them blow out the candles. If they are disagreeable, offer to pay for half of the party to attend. Most will agree when it comes down to the all mighty dollar and they have to spend less.

8) Babysit your kids instead of having a third party babysit

If your former partner has a job, then child care is needed. You can offer to pick them up after your work hours, or even leave work a little early once a week to get them from the babysitter. This way, your ex can save some money on childcare. Plus, it’s always best for kids to be with a parent when possible. Tell your ex that you will bring them home when they get back from work. They will appreciate that they can save some money and the fact that you are not taking advantage, but truly offering to help. If your ex is resistant to it, gently remind them that you are happy to add the first right of refusal into the decree if it is not already in place.

by Lee Block, Post-Divorce Consultant and Author.

Social media can be tricky for parents, especially after a divorce. There are apps like Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram, plus messaging apps like iMessage, WhatsApp, and even games on PlayStation that let you talk to others. These apps can be good and bad. Some people think they can help parents raise their kids together after a divorce by making it easier to talk. But they can also cause problems. Social media can make it harder for parents to get over the divorce and can make raising their kids together more difficult. To keep your kids safe during this tough time, it’s important to know the good and bad things about social media. This article will explain them and give parents some important tips to help their kids use social media safely during and after a divorce.

Social Media Post-divorce: Positive & Negative side

Social media isn’t all bad for your kids. There’s good stuff too that we can’t ignore. Let’s check out both sides.

The Positives

Social media apps keep updating, letting users see new posts instantly. For parents just starting out after a divorce, this can be heartwarming and help both parents and children feel connected. Here are some ways social media can positively impact co-parenting and relationships with your children:

Better Communication:
Social media allows both parents and extended family to stay updated on the children’s lives. Co-parents can share and view photos from the child’s school day or birthday parties without having to ask for them.

Gaming:
Parents and children can play fun and educational games together on social media or smartphone apps. This helps kids feel connected to the non-custodial parent during the week and can foster a shared interest.

Photo Sharing:
One of the best features of social media is photo sharing. Seeing daily pictures can be especially comforting for both parents and children after a divorce.

The Negatives

Social media can have many negative effects after a divorce. Here are some things to watch out for:

Oversharing: Don’t post too much personal stuff online, especially about your ex or your kids. This can be embarrassing for them and cause problems with your co-parenting. Think twice before you hit “post,” and never say bad things about your ex. It can hurt your kids (called “parental alienation”).

Moving On Too Fast: After a tough divorce, you might want to show off your new love life on social media. But hold on! Your kids might not be ready to see pictures of your new partner all the time. It can make them feel sad and alone.

Harming Your Kid’s Mental Health:
For parents in a really tough divorce or who don’t know much about co-parenting well, their kids might end up alone a lot after the divorce. During that time, social media can become a big part of their life, which can be bad. Studies show that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media are twice as likely to feel depressed and anxious. Your kids could face cyberbullying, online abuse, and have trouble sleeping, which could hurt their mental health.

Importance of Keeping Your Kids Safe on Social Media:

Today, most kids use social media, which can be both fun and risky. After a divorce, it’s extra important to make sure your kids are safe online.

The internet and social media are a normal part of your kids’ lives. They use it to chat with friends, learn about things they like, and show who they are. But social media also has dangers, like cyberbullying, strangers who might try to hurt them, and seeing things they shouldn’t. These dangers can be even worse during a divorce when emotions are high. As parents, it’s your job to teach your kids how to be safe online, even when things are tough at home.

What to Watch Out For Online

There are some things online that can be really bad for your kids. Here are some of the biggest dangers:

• Meanies Online (Cyberbullying): Kids can be teased or even threatened online. This can make them feel really sad and scared.
• Seeing Bad Stuff (Inappropriate Content): Sometimes kids see things online that aren’t right for them, like violence or grown-up stuff.
• Strangers Who Want to Hurt You (Online Predators): Some bad people might try to trick or hurt kids online.
• Sharing Too Much (Privacy and Security Concerns): If your kids share personal things or don’t have good privacy settings, someone might steal their information or hurt them.
• Feeling Down Because of Social Media: Spending too much time on social media can make kids feel more anxious, sad, or not good about themselves, especially during a divorce.

So, How to Keep Your Kids Safe on Social Media after Divorce?

Setting Parental Controls and Privacy Settings on Social Media Platforms

• Limits for Kids: Decide which social media apps are okay for your child’s age and keep an eye on their activity.
• Privacy Check: Make sure your child’s profile is private so only approved friends can see their stuff.
• Location Off: Turn off location sharing so no one can see where your child is.
• See What They See: Regularly check your child’s posts, messages, and who they’re talking to.
• Use Special Apps: There are apps that can help you see what your child is doing online. Using those apps you can do following things-

• •  Location privacy: Using these apps, you can disable the device location for where your kids are accessing the internet.
  • Private profile: Encourage your child to use a private profile if the app has that option.
  • Personal information: Don’t let their profile show their real name, age, birthday, phone number, or home address.
  • Content filters: Block out inappropriate content they might see online.

Educate Your Kids about Online Safety:

1. Talk About Behavior: Teach your kids to be kind and respectful online and to think about what they post before they share it.
2. Protect Personal Info: Make sure your kids know not to share sensitive info online and to be cautious about who they talk to.
3. Think Critically: Help your kids learn to question what they see online and to be aware of fake news and scams.
4. Use Social Media Wisely: Encourage your kids to balance their time online with other activities and to use social media responsibly.

You Should Monitoring Your Child’s Social Media Activity

1. Check In Regularly: Keep tabs on what your kids are doing online by checking their profiles and talking to them about their activity.
2. Build Trust: Be open with your kids about why you’re monitoring their activity and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you with any concerns.
3. Use Monitoring Tools: Consider using apps or tools to help you keep track of what your kids are doing online.

Be Open and Communicate Openly With Your Kids:

1. Create a Safe Space: Make sure your kids feel comfortable talking to you about their online experiences and any problems they encounter.
2. Address Their Worries: Acknowledge that divorce can be tough on kids and talk to them about how it might affect their online behavior.
3. Empower Them: Help your kids develop the skills they need to stay safe online and encourage them to ask for help if they need it.
4. Set Boundaries Together: Involve your kids in setting rules for their online activity and praise them for following them.

Get Help if You Need It:

For practical guidance and emotional assistance, you have the option to reach out to nearby groups or organizations. Alternatively, you can directly get in touch with us or arrange a meeting. 2houses.com is committed to simplifying co-parenting and improving your life as a post-divorce parent.