Warring parents are increasingly attempting to “brainwash” their children to get the upper hand in custody disputes, according to lawyers.
Solicitors specialising in divorce and child contact say they have noted a marked rise in allegations of one parents exerting undue influence on children to try to turn them against the other.
New mobile phones, computer games, designer clothes and even exotic holidays have been deployed in attempts to win children’s loyalty.
In other cases parents have openly resorted to trying to blacken their former partner’s name in the children’s eyes.
Naomi McGloin, a solicitor at Pannone, said allegations of “brainwashing” had become an increasingly common feature of acrimonious separations in her experience.
Parents desperate to keep their children have attempted to exploit a requirement on the courts to take a child’s feelings into consideration in determining where they should live.
By John Bingham for The Telegraph
Is our down-turned economy having an effect on divorce in the United States and other nations around the world? While it’s too early for statistical evidence, marriage counselors and divorce attorneys around the globe are in agreement. They’re finding many couples who were ready to call it quits are postponing the divorce decision due to financial reasons. In the U.S., with housing values at near-record lows, wide-ranging cuts in salaries and a dramatic rise in unemployment rates, many couples are not divorcing because they are afraid they can’t afford it.
Does this mean that couples are finding new ways to get along and reconsider their marriages? In some cases, yes, but for many it just means adapting to continued states of unhappiness and coping with disappointment and frustration. This, of course, does not bear well for the children of these unions. They experience the negative consequences of a distressed marriage whether the couple splits up or chooses to stay together because of economic factors.
Rosalind Sedacca for Huffpost Divorce
Since it is a fact that one in two marriages end in divorce in the US, parents have a choice to make the experience manageable for their children. No child wants their parents to be separated or divorced, so when it happens, there is a lot of stress for the child as well as the parent. Children can have a tendency to think that it’s their fault that their parents did not get along. They can internalize their parents’ arguments or concerns, and have many other reactions to a divorce or separation. Just like an adult grieves relationships, children can grieve the relationship with an absent parent as well, or mourn the way the family used to be.
Although separation or divorce can be one of the most stressful and horrible events in a parents’ life, the goal hopefully is to be as amicable as possible with the other parent to help your kids adjust.Parents who get divorced or separated can have a tendency to be consumed in the separation of (assets, pets, house, even the children) and let the kids see or witness disagreements, arguing, fighting or worse. When this happens children can react to the parents non-communication by becoming aggressive, involved in negative behaviors to bring attention to themselves, or even worse begin using drugs, alcohol or hanging with kids who behave inappropriately.
Posted By Kumari Ghafoor-Davis on empoweringparents.com
Children often fear that they will lose one of their parents in a divorce or that their parents will abandon them and they will have to fend for themselves. Therefore, both of you need to convey in your words and deeds that you will always be there for them.
Make sure that your reassurances and promises are more than hot air. Otherwise, your children will become distrustful of you and cynical about your reliability and honesty.
Agree on what you’re going to say
It is best if you and your spouse can take the time to determine what you are going to say about your divorce before you talk with your children. Get your story straight so that you don’t contradict one another or argue while you are breaking the news to your kids. If you need help deciding what to say to your children, talk things over with your religious advisor or schedule an appointment with a mental health professional.
Unfortunately, some of you will not have cooperative spouses. That means that you and your soon-to-be-ex will probably have separate conversations with your children. Before you do, for your children’s sake, try to come to an agreement about exactly what you will tell them. If you don’t, you risk sending them conflicting messages about your divorce and its possible impact on them.
Article from Dummies.com
Do you find yourself saying things to your child during an argument without even thinking about it? Let’s face it, it’s almost impossible to be detached or objective when your child is in your face fighting with you. And naturally, it feels like a personal attack when he’s saying rude things or calling you names. During those moments, it’s all too easy to respond with something hurtful. All of a sudden, your feelings take over—your emotions jump into the driver’s seat and your thinking moves into the back seat.
What comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.
Almost every parent has gotten mad and said things to their kids they wish they could take back. The trick is to figure out how to remain in control so you don’t end up saying something you’ll regret. Though this is easier said than done, trust me, it is possible—and it’s a skill you can learn, just like anything else.
On the Parental Support Line, we hear from people all the time after they’ve had arguments with their kids. They call us to get perspective and to find out ways they can manage their children’s behavior—and their own responses—more effectively. Here are some examples of the types of phrases I believe you should avoid saying to your child during an argument. (Later, I’ll suggest some things you can say—and do—instead.)
by Carole Banks for empoweringparents.com
Ingrédients for the king cake :
- 1 (16 oz) can of biscuits (regular, not the layered kind but the regular). We use “Grands”
- 1/4 cup melted butter
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 1 tablespoon cinnamon
- A few spoonfuls of canned cream cheese frosting (optional)
- Yellow, Purple, Green Sprinkles
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line a cookie sheet with Release foil. You can skip this, but it makes clean up easier. Open the biscuits and lay them flat on the foil. Press them into a large circle (about 12 inches) or giant rectangle.
Paint the dough with butter, then mix sugar and cinnamon together and sprinkle evenly over dough.
Lay babies or figurines somewhere on the dough.
Roll the dough up into a cylinder and pinch as tightly as possible to seal. Shape the cylinder into a round.
Bake for 35 minutes. Let cool slightly, then spoon icing over top and let it fall down sides. Sprinkle sugar on top.
Ready to eat! It tastes best shortly after being made, but also tastes good the next day.