Feelings, Relationships, and Pregnancy: Dealing with Breakup While Pregnant

A Breakup When You’re Pregnant

Overcoming a breakup is challenging no matter what the circumstances are. But when you’re pregnant things become a whole lot more complicated. However, that does not mean they are impossible to manage. Even though it might feel like the world is crumbling before your eyes, this shift in trajectory might be what is best for you and your child in the long run.

Women have been birthing and raising children since the dawn of time. And many of them have triumphantly done so without the support of a biological father.

That said, it’s important to remember that whatever your emotional response to this is, it’s okay.

Managing a breakup while pregnant is a tough challenge to accept. But you can emerge from this situation stronger, happier, and more yourself than ever before.

Feeling Overwhelmed Is Natural

If you’ve found yourself in this position, chances are you are feeling overwhelmed and possibly even scared. Both of these reactions are completely understandable and natural.

Before the breakup, you probably had an expectation about how your pregnancy experience would be. Now, those expectations have not come to fruition, and co-parenting and custody are an unexpected part of your future. Dashed expectations are always difficult to handle, especially if there is a long-term emotional investment involved.

Being pregnant is probably one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences a human can have. So, it’s important to maintain a sense of compassion for how you’re naturally responding to the situation.

An Opportunity To Revisit Your Relationship With Yourself

Even though it probably doesn’t feel like it, this change in plans could give rise to a renewed sense of intimacy and understanding of yourself. 

Many women report gaining mental and emotional clarity when pregnant, saying it allows them to see the world in ways that maybe they were afraid of before. Being away from your partner can give you the opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that you’ve forgotten, or suppressed.

This time could represent a moment of clarity for you to look inward and process your position in life without the distraction (and in some cases, the suffocation) of a serious relationship.

Now is the time to embrace all aspects of who you are—your past, your present, and your future, in whatever ways it may unfold.

There’s no point in pretending that dealing with a breakup while pregnant is easy. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a catalyst for other changes in your life that you may have been putting off for a while.

Ways To Cope

While holding space for the emotional and mental responses that are currently going on inside of you, it’s also important to focus on practical solutions.

Having a game plan for dealing and coping with the pregnancy will add structure to your life. Plus, it will enable you to tackle each challenge with more confidence.

Seeking guidance from others, reaching out for support, and finding constructive ways to cope with stress or anxiety are going to be your primary objectives over the next few months.

With the right approach, you and every other woman in this position can break through the inevitable struggles. You can create a life for you and your baby that is even better than you could have imagined alongside your ex.

Give yourself time to grieve

Grief is a normal response to any breakup, especially in your adult life. You’ve probably spent years investing time and energy into your past relationship. Now that it has come to an end, you are grieving all that was lost.

Grief can manifest in a variety of ways, and it is usually different for each person. Your experience with grief will not necessarily be the same as anyone else’s. You need to give yourself room to meet those feelings, no matter what they look like.

Crying, laughing, sleeping, or baking (yes, stress-baking is not an uncommon occurrence) are just some of the things you might feel compelled to do while processing grief.

Allow yourself the time and space necessary to process your grief in whatever ways feel natural. Freely and unapologetically holding space for your grief is the most effective way to process it.

Choose not to dwell on the past

When life hits you out of nowhere, it can be easy to want to relive the past. However, romanticizing and fixating on the past can prevent us from being fully present. With a new child on the way, being present is critical for their support.

In order to effectively manage your situation, you will need to show up for yourself and your future child in ways that can initially feel scary and daunting.

Looking at photographs of you and your ex, going through their old belongings—these are both things that feel tempting and comforting at the time. But often, they only result in more pain. Try to be strong in those moments and resist the urge to dwell on the past.

Lean on friends and family for support

This is not the time to feel shy about asking for help and support. Friends, family, neighbors, and loved ones of all kinds want to be there for you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for support when things get tough, or even when you just need someone to talk to.

Anyone in your life who knows you and loves you almost certainly wants to help you get through this. You don’t need to feel guilty about needing support. It’s completely reasonable for you to lean on others during this time of confusion.

If somebody you trust offers to help you (whether it is financially, emotionally, domestically or otherwise), have the courage to take them up on that offer. You deserve to feel supported. Don’t be shy to speak up and vocalize your needs to those who care.

Try to make peace with your situation

There’s no point in fighting the reality of your situation. Even though it might take some time, and that is completely acceptable, making peace with how things have unfolded is the best way to take back charge over your life.

Making peace with your situation is not something that will happen overnight. It will probably come alongside a lifelong journey of self-acceptance.

You might be feeling angry, hurt, and ready to blame your ex for every hardship you are experiencing. However, those feelings can become destructive when left unchecked.

Where possible, try to make amends with your ex. If that’s not an option, aim to make amends with yourself.

The breakup has already happened, now you get to choose how you respond to your newfound independence. Will it be with peace and acceptance or anger and regret? Guess which one will be easier in the long run.

Find constructive ways to manage your stress levels

Everyone needs to know what their stress triggers are and how to manage their responses. In your position, it’s only natural to anticipate some stress and anxiety from time to time.

Rather than allowing this notion to send your head spinning, focus instead on constructive methods of stress management that you know you can rely on in times of distress. Having a plan of action for when things feel overwhelming will make you feel stronger and more prepared for life.

A walk in nature, calming breathing exercises, or watching your favorite movie with a friend can all help to reduce your stress levels. Make sure you have a list of feel-good activities prepped and ready to go when you need some comfort and grounding.

Focus on supporting your baby and your body

The perfect place to funnel your attention is sitting right under your nose—in your womb, to be exact. The admin involved in a serious breakup may be distracting. But the best place to invest your time and energy right now is directly towards your baby and the body that grows them.

Now is the time to pour all of your love, attention, and energy into the health and wellbeing of both your own body and state of mind, and that of your unborn child.

Focusing on keeping your body strong, happy, and nourished will mean that, in turn, your baby’s body is strong, happy, and nourished. Shower yourself and your baby in love through the forms of good food, gentle exercise, community bonding, and preparation for birth.

Remember that you are not alone

Even though it might feel at times like this is the worst thing that could have happened, it can be soothing to remember that this is an experience you share with millions of other women throughout the ages.

Remember that you are not alone. Not just in the sense that there are people around you who love and care for you. But also in the sense that you are certainly not the first woman to go through this process— and come out the other end happier and more fulfilled than ever before.

Yes, this is a huge change of direction for your life and your child’s life. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how this experience will unfold. You are going to get through this!

The Importance of Reinventing Your Home After Divorce

Your Home After Divorce

No matter how smoothly and cordially the process goes, divorce is nearly always a heartbreaking struggle. Chances are you have entered the marriage expecting to spend the rest of your life with that partner, even building a home together you can call your own. But since small parts of both of you are likely scattered through that home, reinventing it after divorce can be of great help. It is a productive and healthy way to deal with your emotions and overcome this turbulent period, and here is how you could do just that:

Start by redecorating the bedroom

Your bedroom is likely the one area of your home that reminds you of your ex partner the most. Not only was this a space you decorated together, filling it with certain items that were important to you as a couple, but it was also the place where you were the most intimate, both physically and emotionally.

That is why redecorating your bedroom first is so important, giving you the opportunity to let go of any painful reminders, bitter memories, and anything else that might be holding you back. If you don’t have enough time or money for a full bedroom makeover, keep in mind that even small investments like new bedding and curtains could transform the look of your space and help you feel that much happier.

Attempt to declutter your home

Reminders aren’t only in your bedroom and wardrobe; they can likely be found all around your home. For that reason, decluttering each room can turn out to be quite a liberating experience, allowing you to clean out your space, minimize mess, and let go of any items that remind you of your ex partner.

From their clothes to the wedding gifts you received, consider everything when decluttering your home. You might wish to keep certain items for their practicality or as a nice keepsake of the time you spent together. When it comes to the things you want to remove from your home, it’s recommended to pack them in separate boxes and ask your ex partner if they would like to keep them, in case you are on good terms.

Repaint the walls for brightness

While we often overlook colors, they can have quite a powerful impact on our overall mood. Feelings of discouragement, sadness, and a loss of confidence are all completely normal after divorce, but painting your home in appropriate colors can help to bring back some positivity and optimism you might need.

As colors can affect our emotions, aim for uplifting or relaxing shades. For instance, a soothing blue or calming green can be great hues for creating a relaxing atmosphere, while brighter yellow and orange shades could uplift, energize, and inspire. No matter which color you choose, a fresh coat of pain is bound to transform your space, as well as your state of mind.

Incorporate rugs for warmth

In case you need more comfort and warmth in your space, on the other hand, rugs are the perfect solution. They can easily be incorporated into any room, add more layers and dimension, and tie the whole interior design together, all while giving you that snug and cozy feeling that helps to make a house a home, even if it is now changed.

Consider including stunning berber rugs into your decor when reinventing your home. These rugs are simple and neutral enough to effortlessly complement and elevate any design, while still being soft, fluffy, and warm enough to increase the comfort levels in your space and make you feel happier in your home.

Find your unique design style

Living with another person typically means decorating your home together and finding a design style that suits both of your preferences. But after the divorce, there will no longer be a need for compromise. You will have the freedom to find your own interior style and focus only on what you like and enjoy.

From minimalist spaces that promote peace and relaxation to nature-inspired designs that inspire tranquility, there are a number of different interior design styles you could opt for. The important thing is to choose something you absolutely love, in order to make the home look and feel truly your own.

Include your favorite pieces

Once you’ve found your preferred interior style, you can begin filing your home with pieces that really speak to you. Instead of sleeping in the same bed you’ve shared with your ex partner or allowing their favorite chair to take center stage, don’t be afraid to invest in furniture pieces you truly love.

Then, aim to make those items the focal point of each room, whether that means incorporating a stunning new couch into the living room or a beautiful antique dresser in the bedroom. Apart from helping you to reinvent your space, new furniture items as focal points will also make your home feel more like you.

Use decorations for personality

When redesigning your home after divorce, it’s also important to express yourself through the decor and give it that missing personal touch. Along with new furniture, this also means choosing smaller decor items that speak to you on a personal level and make you feel as if your home is only yours, and not shared with another person.

For example, you can choose large art pieces that inspire you and hang them on accent walls, or even make a gallery wall filled with your favorite photographs of your friends and family. Similarly, you could fill up your shells with attractive vases, books you love, and personal memorabilia, or anything else that makes you feel happy and content when you look at it.

Turn to nature for peacefulness

After the whirlwind of emotions we tend to feel when going through divorce, sometimes all we truly need is to focus on ourselves and our well-being. Plants and greenery can be of great help in this regard, bringing some natural peacefulness and serenity into your home, while effortlessly embellishing it with its beautiful shades as well.

What’s more, plants could also lift your mood and provide your home with cleaner air, thus allowing you to create a healthier and more pleasant space. Whether you go for small succulents, large potted houseplants, or even hanging planters and table arrangements, plants are bound to improve your home in any form.

Evidently, redecorating your home after divorce is quite an important part of the entire healing process. As long as you take it one step at a time, focus on what matters to you the most, and make an effort to create a beautiful space of your own, you can freely embark on a journey throughout the following chapters of your life.

How to Improve Your Sleep after Divorce Stress

After divorce stress can disrupt your sleep and endanger your overall health. Therefore it’s important to calm your mind and have a good quality sleep.

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale that studies how much stress affects health placed divorce in the second place — the first being taken by the “death of spouse” event. Also known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, this tool consists of 43 events deemed stressful enough to cause illness and mental health issues. But why is divorce so gravely stressful?

The Attachment Theory has some answers for this. Developed by a British psychiatrist John Bowlby and further enhanced by his colleague, Mary Ainsworth, this theory was firstly about the child-parent relationship. However, in the ’80s, Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver expanded the theory to include adult romantic relationships as an attachment process, implying strong psychological and emotional bonds between partners.  

End of relationship and stress

Divorce is emotionally challenging and no matter how maturely the couple deals with this event, it can still be quite stressful. After the divorce, the partners separate from each other, change their lifestyle and habits, move to another place, and continue forward without sharing responsibilities with the other person. It also can affect other relationships in their lives, like with their children, family, friends, and colleagues.

The most stressful of all is grief. Defined as an agonizing loss that overwhelms a person, grief is the reaction to the divorce. Grief can be experienced by both partners, it doesn’t matter who left who. The American Institute of Stress sees grief as psychological trauma and a person needs to have a period of mourning to heal. During this time, a person is in distress and suffers from various conditions because of it, like difficulty sleeping.

Sleep problems after divorce

Losing sleep after a divorce is common, but that makes it far from okay. Sleep is necessary to store memory, boost immunity, repair damage inside the body, and regenerate cells. It’s one of the most important processes that happen in human life, so when it’s disrupted, a person suffers consequences.

Nights are the trickiest time of day after a stressful event, but losing a loved one makes it even harder. You look at that extra space in bed and feel alone, abandoned, and broken, trying to find answers to why is this happening to you and what have you done wrong. If finally, you do fall asleep, your dreams are troubling or you wake up every few minutes, reminded of your predicament.

Ways to improve sleep after divorce

However horrifying it may seem, there is a way out from this situation. It won’t be easy and it may take time, but taking control of your sleep habits is a path to being alright. Here is what you can do to improve sleep after divorce stress and overcome this difficult time.

Seek counseling

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is always a good idea, especially after something as hard as divorce. It helps you to recognize the problems and deal with them so they don’t negatively affect your life anymore. Look for therapists who are specialized to deal with sleep disorders and divorce, since they may have more experience on the matter.

However, remember that this won’t bring resolution overnight. You have to find a therapist that makes you comfortable to open up and talk about the deepest issues. Once you do, you need to make an effort to listen to their advice and be willing to go through uncomfortable stages to be comfortable in your life again.

Take natural sleep aids

A therapist can prescribe you medicines to help you fall asleep or treat depression, anxiety, and any other psychological effect of divorce. If you are still deciding whether to go to a therapist, you can try natural sleep aids. Herbal teas are a common go-to option since some herbs both have a calming and sleeping effect, like chamomile. Lavender and mint are also famous for their relaxing properties, so you can add them to your teapot as well.

Those who are not fans of tea can try drops or tablets made from valerian, hops, and other soothing herbs, or lavender pillow spray. Aromatherapy with scented candles and essential oils has been known to help fall asleep. You can use essential oils in a warm bath or a diffuser but stay away from refreshing scents, like citruses, since they can keep you awake.

People having trouble falling asleep also take melatonin supplements which is a hormone naturally released in the body that controls the sleep-wake cycle. In a man-made variant, you can take it as a pill every night before bed for a short time, although it’s best to consult with your physician first.    

Buy new bedding

Take all the bedding you shared with your partner, throw them away or donate them, and go buy yourself new ones! Getting completely new pillowcases and bed linen is part of your fresh start to go forward and leave the past behind. Even pillows and covers have to go if you are uncomfortable using them.

In case the bed is a problem, you should replace it as well. The key is to remove the space you shared with someone and create a personal space that is your own. That way, you won’t look at their side of a bed as a loss, but you will have the whole bed for yourself. 

Keep the room dark

Being alone in a dark room may seem like the last thing you need when in emotional distress, but it’s one of the best ways to fall asleep. You can have a cup of chamomile tea before bed and use a sleep sound machine when you turn off the lights to help. When there is no light, the body interprets it as a sign it’s time to sleep.

For this reason, having electronic devices that emit light in your bedroom is also not a good idea. If you do have to keep your phone inside the room, avoid putting it on the nightstand and cover your eyes with a sleeping mask. Moreover, no TV, smartphone, or any other screen at least two hours before bed will minimize your exposure to blue light that can interfere with the sleep-wake cycle. 

Have a bedroom makeover

Since divorce is a life-changing event, you should go with the flow and change your environment. If moving to a new home is not an option, go for the easier one — a makeover. To get yourself going, start with something small like redecorating your bedroom so you don’t tire yourself and give up quickly. Throw out old furniture or have it redone, put new paint on the walls, add some wallpapers, hang new curtains, and spread a new carpet.

What once was a couple’s territory, now is only yours and you should let your creativity and personal desires define your bedroom décor. While at it, declutter memorabilia on your relationship, like a wedding album, photos, gifts, and other things you share with your partner.    

Practice meditation and breathing techniques

Meditating is commonly used to de-stress and focus on the present. It relaxes the body and mind, helping you calm down and fall asleep. According to a 2015 study, meditation and practicing mindfulness can improve sleep quality by evoking a relaxation response. An important part of meditation is proper breathing, something you can try when you have difficulty falling asleep.

A breathing technique known as 4-7-8 is often recommended by therapists. It involves breathing in through your nose until you count to 4, holding your breath until 7, and breathing out slowly while counting to 8. Repeat this a few times and count as quickly as necessary to comfortably breathe during this exercise. Soon enough you will start feeling sleepy.   

Stay away from caffeine or alcohol before bed

Caffeine is a substance found in coffee and some types of tea that is excellent to stay awake. That said, you shouldn’t drink any of these beverages before bed, except for caffeine-free teas. Unfortunately, these are not only drinks that contain caffeine since energy and some fizzy juices are full of it.

Introducing Kids to Their New Second Home After Divorce

New Second Home After Divorce

One of the main aspects of divorce that affects children is the fact that their parents are now going to live at different addresses and that their current home isn’t their only home any more. For them to fully accept their second home, both parents have to make an effort and make the transition smoother. Here are some ways to introduce your kids to their new second home without making it stressful for them.

Talk to Them

Children are more sensitive than adults and, when something as big as a divorce happens, you can expect them to have a lot of questions. However, it won’t always be easy for them to ask you those questions directly. They might be confused by everything going on, or they might be worried about upsetting you with what they need to know, so it’s possible that they’ll simply stay quiet if you don’t initiate the conversation. In any case, both you and your spouse should find time each day to talk to them, address their emotions and explain all that you can about the divorce and how you expect things to be in the future. This, of course, includes the new living arrangements. When you walk children through each step of the move, and especially if you include them in the decision-making, they’ll find the process less intimidating and consequently less stressful. For instance, if your children are old enough, you could ask for their input about where they’d like to live or at least how they want their room to be furnished. This allows you to bond with them and show them that their parents still adore them as much as they always have. Plus, knowing that they can turn to either of you for any problem or question they have will bring them some relief and reassurance, but it could also diminish their resistance to the imminent change.

Put Them First

Although parents love their children, want what’s best for them and generally put their children’s needs above their own, it’s sometimes extremely difficult to stay level-headed in certain situations, divorce being one of them. This is something you have to be very conscious about, and remember to avoid saying anything bad or to show any resentment or anger aimed at your spouse in front of them. Another crucial matter is that the new home should be adjusted to your children’s needs. This means that they have their own room, that the home itself and the neighborhood it’s in are safe and appealing and that the place has everything your child needs to feel comfortable. These home standards are also something that the courts tend to ask the parties in the divorce to abide to, which may vary from state to state. For instance, courts in Texas usually give parents joint management conservatorship, meaning that both parents have an equal say in the children’s upbringing, which means both homes are of equal significance for child rearing. However, their courts also have certain requirements about the new home, with regards to children’s safety and comfort. That’s why Texans usually don’t stray too far from their previous communities, but instead seek first-rate apartments for rent in Brownsville, that fall into all the safety categories courts might find fundamental. With their children’s best interest in mind, these parents opt for apartments with top amenities, where dogs and cats are allowed, as children feel more pleasant with their pet around.

Adjust the Place to Them

Last, but not least, always bear in mind that this is supposed to be your children’s home and that it should cater to their needs, but also their emotions and character. Let them pick the furniture and any decorations for their room. Perhaps you can even make the place more familiar for them by filling it with some of their favorite belongings. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should take all of those belongings from what they call home right now, as that might upset your children. Instead, make a list of some of their most treasured items and purchase the exact same ones to bring into the new home. Another option is to pack such objects when your children are switching between homes. This could provide your children with some comfort and ease some of their potential anxiety about the new home and the divorce itself. A home should be a joyous place for them, which can only be possible if the place is adapted to their preferences.

Keep It Tidy

A cluttered space can make you edgy, break your focus and decrease your productivity. This is why, if you want to function well in any space, you have to keep it tidy and get rid of any excess objects. As an adult, this is something you deal with daily, but when you have children, it’s vital that you take into account their well-being and put it first. Namely, children are also affected by clutter. It can make it difficult for them to process their thoughts and emotions, but it might also leave them frustrated, if they aren’t able to do their work or play in a manner they are used to. This can also prevent them from dealing with the divorce and having to live between two homes. In addition, when you’re trying to get them to like their new living space, making it cozy and appealing can only help your case. Start with limiting the number of decorative elements, toys and other belongings you fill your new home with. If there are too many things in a space that may not be as big as your previous family home, it can become crowded and messy soon, which your children may find unappealing and they might resist you when you want them to spend their time there. Make it your mission to clean and declutter the new home regularly, so that you create a calming and loving environment they’ll want to live in and that they’ll always gladly come back to, as that’s how a home should feel like for them.

Divorces are emotionally consuming and traumatic for adults, let alone for children. This is something every parent going through a divorce has in mind. It’s no wonder then that your focus is precisely on how to make the inevitable change as easy as possible on your children. Your attitude towards your partner and the cooperation between you is something you need to work hard on, as only that way your children will feel welcome, secure and equally loved in both their homes.

When Parents Divorce: How to Keep Your Kids Out of It

parents divorce

Divorce is without question challenging. Throw children into the mix, and a new series of challenges arise. It’s no secret that the average divorce rate in America is 42.6%.

For both parties, it’s best when parents divorce if matters can be handled with dignity and respect. If you are experiencing the unchartered territory of divorcing with kids, continue reading for the best strategies.

Respect Respect Respect

Respect is key. You and your ex may be navigating a nasty divorce. Tensions may arise, and tempers may flare. Children represent the best parts of you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

It is essential to understand that children are the innocent bystanders of divorce. A once-happy household suddenly split into two parts can be a huge adjustment for any child. Experiencing the anguish that comes as a result of separated parents or divorced parents can be life-altering. 

Regardless of any bitter feelings you may have, respecting your former partner will set a positive example for your child or children. Kids need to feel a sense of unity, even if parents are no longer together.

If you are a single mom or single dad, remember that life will move forward. Adjustments may be uncomfortable at first, but things will improve. 

Your child will feel more secure about the transitioning process if both parents are united and show respect for each other. If you are in stepmom or stepfather, you can show support by speaking positively around your child.

Tips for Handling a Divorce

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with your child or children. Most importantly, make it clear that divorce is only between adults. You may have to remind your child several times that they are not responsible for the divorce. 

Depending on the age of your child will depend on how you break the news. Small children may not be old enough to understand what is transpiring entirely. Your toddler might be clingier than usual. 

You may find your teenager transform into an angry monster right before your eyes. All of these behaviors are perfectly normal.

Talk with your ex-spouse find ways to maintain unity if possible. It may take time and lots of practice but ensuring that you can communicate effectively will make a difference. 

Understanding Your Child’s Perspective on Parents Divorce

Take a moment to put yourself in your child’s position. 

Your child undeniably loves you and your former spouse very much. Try to gain insight into what your child might be feeling. Harness these feelings. Use them as momentum to be the parent your child needs you to be. 

Divorce is a difficult time for everyone involved. Once the smoke clears and routines are established, you may find a sense of relief. Maintaining an understanding of what your child is going through will encourage you to persevere moving forward.

Learn how to communicate with your former partner. You both want what’s best for your child or children. Removing any tension and negative emotions will allow you both to work together proactively. 

Positivity and Empowerment

A positive mindset will not only serve you well but your child also. Positivity is contagious. Learning to laugh during difficult times will make life oh so sweet during times of harmony.

Try to keep things as amicable as possible with your ex. Agree to keep kids out of your divorce to avoid any hard feelings. 

Enjoy spending quality time with your child. It would be best if you didn’t burden your child with the emotional toll of a pending divorce. Avoid discussing your ex or asking overly personal questions that could make your child uncomfortable.

Learn the power of positive affirmations. Practicing daily positive affirmations can transform your mindset. 

Seek Help if You Need It

A neutral third party can offer guidance when you need it the most. 

If you recognize that you are having difficulty navigating through a painful divorce, professional guidance can help. You should never feel ashamed asking for help.

Every individual is unique, handling challenges differently. The most important thing to remember is to do what you must to protect your child or children.

A trusted third party can give you the freedom to vent and healthily deal with your emotions. This support system will help you avoid unintentionally placing your child in the middle. 

Divorcing With Kids

It is essential to be as transparent as possible with your kids during divorce. Remember to address sensitive topics in an age-appropriate manner that your child can understand.

After all, divorce not only impacts you but any children you may have. Share important details about where each parent will live, be clear about who your kids will live with primarily. 

Be clear about plans for school, extracurricular activities, and continuing friendships. Providing your child with as much stability as possible during this time is essential. 

Be a Positive Role Model

Let’s face it. No one plans on getting divorced. 

From the moment you and your spouse say “I do,” you likely never imagined ending up in such a predicament. 

You and your spouse must agree to disagree. You may not see eye to eye on everything, and that’s ok. However, putting on a positive front for your children is a must.

If at all possible, try to keep the screaming matches and arguing away from the children. Rising tensions can have negative consequences on your child later in life. 

You and your spouse must tell your child together about the impending divorce. Details of why the divorce is happening are not necessary. Your children do not need to know about any of the issues in your marriage. 

Resources Are Available

A family counselor can be a tremendous asset. Be sure to schedule appointments with and without your children. Counseling sessions will help your family to prepare for the journey ahead during the transitioning process.

If seeking a family counselor is unattainable, consider speaking with your minister. If you don’t belong to a church, reach out to someone you admire and look up to for advice.

In addition to professional help,  fantastic resources are available to help you cope. 2houses has a plethora of valuable information. Topics such as co-parenting, communication, health, and more. 

A suite of tools is available on 2houses for a low monthly cost to assist you in staying organized. 

Embrace the Power of Calm

Learn to embrace the power of calm. Divorce is a challenging time. You may face times of uncertainty and self-doubt.

You may experience feelings of hurt towards the other spouse.

These emotions are normal and expected. However, refrain from acting on your feelings. Threatening to keep your child from your partner due to anger and pain will surely backfire.

Your spouse may feel the need to retaliate or exhibit feelings of anger and hate. This vicious cycle will continue that eventually could lead to family ruin. Your child or children will be the one that ultimately suffers. 

Learn to embrace your emotions even during times of discord. Your divorce doesn’t have to be this life-shattering event that dictates your future. Consider divorce an opportunity to rediscover yourself and solely focus on your children. 

Develop a Kids First Parenting Plan

A kid’s first parenting plan can be a tremendous asset during a divorce. The purpose of a parenting plan is to ensure that the best interest of your child is met. The first step in creating a solid parenting plan is understanding your child’s best interest.

Your child should be the main focus of the parenting plan. You should take into consideration your child’s interests, friends, hobbies, and school. Each of these factors is crucial to your child’s mental and physical development. 

Communicate with the other spouse to create a workable schedule. It is essential to be realistic.

Discuss how much time each parent is available to spend quality time with their child. Be sure to consider your needs and what will flow best with your schedule. It is essential to consider which parent lives closest to your child’s school.

Be practical when determining which parent can take your child to and from school. Holidays are another sensitive topic to put in your kid’s first parenting plan. Compromise while considering what is best for your child or children.

Try to be as sensible and practical as possible when developing your kid’s first parenting plan. Always keep in mind that your child comes first. 

Maintain Boundaries 

To protect your children from divorce, boundaries are critical. 

If you have anything you wish to communicate with your ex-spouse, be clear and direct. Avoid relaying messages to the other parent through your child. This could be disastrous, causing your child to feel caught in the middle.

Be sure to give your child plenty of space. Divorce is a sensitive matter, and your child will likely have emotions to work through. Keep things as civil as possible between you and your spouse. 

Consistency is key. Make an effort to be as consistent as possible in your co-parenting efforts. Healthy boundaries with your child include, avoid sharing too much information. 

Turn Your Home Into a Safe Haven

Divorce is a difficult time for all members of a family. Your home should become a place of sanctuary for your child. You would never want your child to feel unwelcome due to tension with your spouse. 

Greet your child or children with enthusiasm and excitement when they come for a visit.

Show interest in school activities and be a shoulder to lean on. The idea is for the divorce transition to be as smooth as possible. Your child or children will appreciate your efforts. 

If your child feels safe and loved, regardless of your decision to separate, this will make a world of difference going forward. 

Don’t Make Your Kids Choose

Speak positively about your spouse, regardless of how you may feel. Adult problems are just that, adult problems.

Your children are likely not old enough to fully understand the divorce process. Allow your children the ability to stay neutral during this time and encourage them to do so. 

It is in your child’s best interest to have a healthy relationship with both parents. 

Provide Reassurance and Support

This transformative period will be one of difficulty but also a great opportunity for your family. 

As your children navigate their new normal, provide plenty of reassurance and support. You may think you know what your child is thinking and feeling but you may also be surprised.

Your children may say that they are simply ok, as the world changes around them. Be sure to set aside time to talk with them when you have the opportunity. Checking in with your children is very important. 

You want to reassure them that your impending divorce is not a direct reflection of anything that they have done wrong. Divorce is confusing for kids, the details can be sticky and overwhelming. This can be a lot for children, even teens, to process. 

Stay Involved. No matter what, reassure your child that you wish to be involved. 

Let 2houses Help You

When parents divorce, 2houses is proud to offer a suite of tools to allow a smooth co-parenting partnership. This sophisticated interface allows for optimized communication regarding your child.

Your child deserves the best from both parents, after their parent’s divorce. 

A 14-day trial is available to try 2houses services and improve your family life. Unique features such as messages, calendar, info-bank, journal, and more can help set you up for co-parenting success. Contact 2houses today for more information on subscription services and pricing. 

Embracing A Healthy Lifestyle After a Divorce

Woman who is running

Going through a divorce feels like the ultimate failure for many people. The mere idea that their Till death do us part turned into Till the road gets rocky can become beyond devastating. However, even when your pain becomes unbearable, you must find the strength to move on and think about your health. Physical, mental and emotional health tend to be affected the most, which is why we have prepared several tips to help you go through this hardship with more ease.

Work out regularly

Keeping your spirit up is vital for your mental and overall health. Blowing off steam by looking for an anger outlet will be highly beneficial for you. Once the grieving period ends, it’s highly likely you’ll feel angry. That’s why you should think about fitness activities that can help you break a sweat and not think about your current situation. Running, boxing and dancing are just some of the exercises that will boost your blood flow and adrenaline while allowing you to clear your head.

Find time to be alone

In time of need, friends and family will want to be around you to lessen the blow of divorce as much as possible. However, while that support always means a lot, you’ll need time for yourself. Those moments when you’re alone with a glass of wine and your favourite music on the radio will offer peace and indulging. A spa ritual with your favourite skincare products, a scented candle and a soaking bath will help you find balance and replenish your spirit. Whether it’s time to knit, paint, or work on some other hobby, as long as you have some time for yourself during the week, you’ll feel much better soon.

Maintain a balanced diet

A loss of appetite is common for people going through a divorce. Not eating enough or skipping healthy food will eventually weaken your immune system. The last thing you need is to get sick so having a balanced diet is vital for you. Having raw cashews on a side of breakfast will keep you energised throughout the day. Feel free to have them as a snack around midday when you feel peckish but not enough to have a full meal. Fill your diet with fruits and veggies, lean meat and dairy. You’ll need all the protein, calcium and minerals to keep a clear head and balanced weight.

Stay in touch with friends

Many people tend to isolate themselves from their friends when they are going through a painful period in their lives. You shouldn’t be one of those people. Your friends will always be there to listen and comfort you. Hearing their opinion will give you many more options to think about and pull you out of your misery. Furthermore, spending time with friends will take your mind off the divorce and make you joyful again. So, why not throw dinner at your home and have a nice little gathering? Go to the cinema, walk, shop and live your life as you usually would.

Don’t neglect your mental health

Have you ever talked to a therapist about your problems? Do you know anyone who’s been struggling with their thoughts and decided to ask for professional help? Even if you don’t, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek out help. Sometimes friends and family can’t offer us the needed comfort and guidance to help us go through a divorce with a positive mindset. That’s the time when you should talk to a therapist and relieve your pain through a conversation.

Regulate your sleeping patterns

Regular sleeping helps our bodies rest and recharge for the following day. That’s why you’ll need to make sure that your sleeping patterns are not disturbed. Once you notice that you’re having difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep throughout the night, consider changing your bedtime routine. Aside from that, enrich your diet with foods that contain high levels of magnesium, such as soy milk, beans, cereal, nuts, and spinach. Feel free to take melatonin supplements to keep your Circadian rhythm in check.

Go outside and breathe

Sometimes, all you need to do to feel at peace with yourself is go outside and breathe. Connect with nature again to feel destressed. Whether you decide to have a picnic in the park, walk by the beach, cycle next to the river or hike up the mountains, feeling close to nature and enjoying the fresh air will bring the necessary clarity and help you forget about your hardship. It will bring you a newfound respect for life and ever-needed calmness.

Divorcing your spouse will never be easy. No matter how difficult the last couple of months have been for you, you’ll always remember the beautiful times you’ve shared together and how much you used to love each other. That’s why divorce will always feel like a defeat. Nevertheless, you must find the strength to move forward and do everything in your power to stay strong and healthy. Tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities and a potential love interest that will forever change you and make your life better than ever before.

A Broken Family: Helping Your Children Emotionally Cope with Separation and Divorce

Sad young girl staring out of a window

Divorcing or divorced parents, as well as a child of separated parents, will know that divorce and separation is an incredibly challenging and emotionally turbulent time.

While an adult has life experience, perspective, and emotional insight, a child may feel as if their entire world is crumbling when their parents are undergoing separation.

The breakup of a family is an overwhelming roller-coaster ride of emotions. For a child, these emotions can be confusing, terrifying, and just plain exhausting. They likely feel shocked, sad, anxious, and, in some cases, guilty.

Navigating separation as a parent is never an easy process.

Fortunately, there are a number of steps that you can take to make your child feel heard, appreciated, loved, and safe.

Remember that a little effort goes a long way when supporting the emotional journey of your child during a separation or divorce. 

We’re here to offer advice on how you can reduce the emotional toll and help your children move forward too.

Be Intentional About Your Communication

As applies to most uncomfortable or emotionally charged situations, you should remain mindful with regards to the ways you choose to express yourself. You also need to be very aware of what information you choose to relay and where and when you will do this.

This intentionality should be implemented from the very beginning. When you tell your child(ren) that you are separating, it’s ideal if both parents are present. Depending on the age of your child, you should strike a balance between honesty and restraint when explaining the reasons for your separation.

Furthermore, this applies to your communication throughout, and even after, the process of separation. Speak about difficult information and negotiate practicalities in a safe and private space and at an appropriate time. Maintain a gentle and supportive tone and, if they are willing, encourage them to engage equally in the dialogue.

Remind Them That You Still Love Them

While you know in your heart of hearts that you love your child unconditionally and eternally, they might lose sight of this fact in the midst of your separation or divorce. Make sure that you express your love through both words and actions.

Furthermore, this expression of emotional tenderness shows them that it is okay to be emotionally vulnerable, compassionate, and honest.

Investing energy into the expression of your love for your children will do wonders for their sense of security and self-confidence.

Reassure Them They Are Not to Blame

A child, particularly a younger child, may feel that a parent’s separation is their fault. They tend to think that divorce is a symptom of a lack of love for them. While you know this is not at all the case, they might need some reassurance.

Communicate, in a gentle manner, that your separation is an adult issue. There is absolutely nothing they could have done to negatively influence or prevent the outcome.

Although it is hard, this also cements the notion that your divorce is final. They can then begin to grieve and commence the slow yet necessary journey towards acceptance.

Encourage Your Child to Speak About Their Emotions

As adults with life experience, we have come to learn that speaking about our feelings is one of the most cathartic and therapeutic means of processing and moving beyond emotional issues and events.

If you have a younger child, they likely do not have the vocabulary nor the emotional faculties to grapple with the complex combination of sadness, anger, anxiety, and dread.

You are, however, able to support them as they learn how to speak about what they are experiencing.

Remember to lead by example, hence the first point about intentional communication, and let them know that emotional vulnerability is safe, courageous, and healthy.

Be As Honest As Reasonably Possible

Even if your child is relatively young, they are likely more perceptive than they might let on.

If tensions are brewing beneath the surface, they will almost certainly pick up on the fact that something is off.

Maintaining an honest channel of communication prevents the unfortunate possibility that they may internalize tensions and, without fair cause or reason, feel that they are to blame for this unhappiness.

Naturally, it’s not always appropriate to be completely transparent about everything that has contributed to your separation, nor the specifics of what your divorce will entail. Use your own judgement to differentiate what is helpful from what is hurtful when communicating with your child.

Do Not Bad-Mouth the Other Parent

This is immensely important.

As tempting as it may be in a moment of passionate anger, do not burden your children with the weight of your own frustration and hurt. It will inevitably pressure them into feeling that they must pick a side and remain exclusively loyal to that one parent.

A child, no matter how young or old, should never have to feel that their love and appreciation for a parent comes at the cost of a poor relationship with the other.

Respect the fact that, at the end of the day, your child has two parents. They have the autonomy to determine what form their relationship with both will take without excessive external influence.

Do Not Communicate with the Other Parent Through Your Child

This is one of the most common mistakes made by parents who are going through a divorce. If your separation has been a bitter and unempathetic one, speaking directly to your ex-partner might be the last thing you wish to do. It is, however, of paramount importance that you remain aware of the fact that you are the parent in the situation, and you need to take responsibility.

Speak directly to your child’s other parent instead of putting them in the highly uncomfortable position of the messenger. They are probably anxious enough as it is. Enforcing unfair responsibilities on them will only encroach upon their ability to emotionally process the events.

Encourage Gentle Transitions

Moving between parents in the initial stages of a separation can be one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences for a child. As much as we acknowledge that saying goodbye is challenging for you too, try to support moments of peaceful transition between homes.

Help them gather what they want to take ahead of time, so as to alleviate stress. Reassure them that you will be seeing them soon, and you are just a phone call away if they need to speak to you.

That said, give them the necessary space with their other parent while they are away. When they return home, resist the urge to bombard them with questions about your ex or their time there. They likely need a moment to settle in and rest.

Seek Professional Assistance

For some reason, many families seem to feel that seeking professional help is a sign of failure or weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Family counsellors and therapists are the most effective means of working through the emotional turmoil —both individually and collectively.

If you’re finding that communication between yourself and your child is strained or non-existent, a therapist can be an excellent mediator of constructive conversation. In this safe and neutral space, you can gain valuable insight into your child’s emotional state and needs.

If you have the available resources, encourage your child to speak to a professional counsellor— preferably one that specializes in family troubles and divorce.

This process will consolidate, validate, and work through their emotions whilst equipping them with the necessary vocabulary to unpack and work through whatever they may be feeling.

Routines Could be Comforting

Naturally, there are several rather dramatic changes occurring in the life of both you and your children.

During this chaos that is an inevitable by-product of the process of separation or divorce, a bit of structure is comforting and oftentimes, absolutely necessary.

Try to establish some routines at home. However big or small, this stability is immensely comforting to a child who feels their world has been turned upside down.

Furthermore, if your child is moving between your house and the house of their other parent, try to structure this in a way that suits everyone as best as possible.

Knowing when they will be staying where helps them to mentally prepare. It also allows them to feel that their feelings and priorities are considered. 

Patience is Key

We feel complete empathy for the fact that when children are involved, separation or divorce is an emotionally grueling and utterly exhausting process.

There may be days where you feel nothing will ever be easy or joyful again. Trust us when we say that happier days are on the horizon. In time, you will move on, and even start dating again. Your children will acclimatize, and a new sense of normalcy will establish itself. It’s just how you handle the transition and equip them to handle the way forward that counts.

In the end, you will be so grateful that you were intentional about the ways that you chose to support your children’s emotional journey throughout the separation process—albeit a demanding endeavor.

This practice of patience should apply to your children as well as yourself. You deserve the space to validate your own frustration, sadness, and fear. Have faith that it only gets easier with time.

Divorce Need Not be Destructive–Here’s Why

divorce with children

It’s a familiar pain to many of us. In fact, over 746,000 couples get divorced every year, many of whom have children who will likely remember the process forever.

Fortunately, that doesn’t have to be a negative memory, and there’s a lot you can do to make sure of that. Let’s talk about how to achieve the best results of divorce with children.

Effects of Divorce With Children

It is no secret that divorce is associated with a negative impact on children. Well, the point of this article is to explain that it doesn’t have to have a negative impact.

However, children who experience a divorce often acquire unintended psychological or physiological side effects such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trust issues
  • Aggression
  • Social issues
  • Insecurity
  • Feelings of guilt
  • Emotional sensitivity
  • Health problems

The list goes on, and can even include developmental delays. There are also many common effects on children’s daily lives, including poor academic performance and impulsive behavior. These symptoms are unique to the child, the child’s age, and the circumstances surrounding the divorce. 

Fortunately, parents have some control over these circumstances. The more hostility, anger, or negative emotions involved in the process, the worse the effects will be. Limiting these 

What Causes A Destructive Divorce?

While there are thousands of possible answers to this question, there are some common themes in divorces that cause unnecessary tension. Here are a few examples.

Financial Disparity

If a child goes to one parent’s house and finds it far more comfortable and feels crowded in the other, this will ultimately lead to problems such as resentment. Because of this, child support is necessary for maintaining a more consistent living standard for the child.

Although, co-parenting is far more expensive when parents are paying for two houses and the resources that come with them. It’s unlikely that both parents earn the same income, and we didn’t even mention the average cost of divorce. We strongly encourage parents to come to terms beyond a simple court decision to ensure the best life for the child.


If parents live two streets away, it becomes easy for children to quickly travel between and communicate with each parent. However, if one parent lives in North Carolina and the other in Massachusetts, this does nothing but harm the child’s development.

In certain cases, a child is forced to adapt between living situations every week, every other week, or every month with limited contact with the other parent in the meantime. All this does is remove the child’s sense of grounding and create a host of logistical issues.

Not Taking the Child Into Consideration

Particularly, making the divorce about yourselves as parents is one of the worst ways to handle a divorce.

Most parents would be horrified to imagine that their actions are harming their child in some way. However, it takes a special type of parent to consider their child’s needs and emotions during a high-stress period such as divorce. It is a lot easier to be wrapped up in your issues.

Nevertheless, when parents neglect the needs of their children during such a period, the child will suffer unnecessarily. Parents going through a divorce should both agree to prioritize the needs of the child and work as a team to help them. This is true no matter how parents feel toward one another.

Consequently, parents need to collectively think about their actions, words, and moods when around their children.

How To Be an Effective Parent During a Divorce

Effective parenting requires teamwork and a genuine desire to help your child. If you feel that you or the other parent can’t handle this, then a conversation must take place to establish guidelines and boundaries. When both parents read the same co-parenting guide and work to meet their child’s needs, it works out best for everyone.

Be Honest

Honesty is important in any relationship, especially in a situation like divorce. You can spare your child the details of any complications involving the divorce or anything else, but try your best to maintain and earn your child’s trust.

When you initially choose to talk to your child about the divorce, be mindful of your tone, teamwork, and timing.

For example, have you talked to the other parent about having this conversation? Will they be included? Is your child already dealing with problems at school? How will I break the news to them? These are important questions to ask before having the talk.

Also, don’t toy with their emotions. If the decision to get divorced is final, then it’s not okay to get a child’s hopes up by implying that this is temporary or that things may change in the future. If you don’t believe it, don’t let your child believe it.

Finally, be honest with their other parent. Lying to, or withholding information from, anybody in this situation will only harm trust and make the situation more tense than it needs to be.

Be Present

Your child needs to know that they still have their parents, now more than ever. It is important that you are there to answer any questions, lend an ear, or assist with your child’s needs as they come.

Remember, the process of the divorce isn’t the only time when co-parenting is necessary. The need for co-parenting continues on into adulthood after the divorce is finalized.

Because of this, it’s important to think of parenting as a marathon, not a sprint. Figuring out short-term logistics and solutions is part of your job as a parent, but it doesn’t stop there.

Maintain a presence with your child and their other parent, especially in the early stages of the divorce. Make it known that you are available and that you intend to be for the long haul. They need that reassurance.

Communicate Effectively

You don’t have to try to reconcile or improve your intimate relations with one another, but when there is a child involved, you will still need to learn how to communicate. If all communication is done through third parties like lawyers or friends, then you won’t get anywhere. Also, that “third party” should never be your child.

Instead, parents should arrange an agreement to meet and discuss matters related to their child without hostility regularly. Parenting is an ongoing process, and both parties need to remain updated and consistent to be the most effective.

Particularly, you should have routine discussions and remain in contact through texts or calls related to your child’s wellbeing.

Consequently, effective communication should also involve the child. When big changes are approaching, talk to your child ahead of time and let them know the details. Try your best to ensure them that everything will be okay.

Have Good Intentions

We could offer an entire article about the importance of good intentions in divorce. As a parent, you play a major role in setting the tone of the future dynamics. If what you do is with always good intentions, you will usually receive the same respect.

Good intentions should be used across the board. Here’s how.With Your Child

When you communicate with your child or their other parent, good intentions go a long way. The worst thing a parent can do to a child who is already struggling during a divorce is to try to put them in the middle, further change their worldview, or manipulate them.

For example, children should never be led to believe there is a “good guy” or a “bad guy” in a divorce. If you don’t have anything positive to say, it’s better to not say anything at all. Try to use a positive tone when talking to, or about, their other parent.

Moreover, always have the purest of intentions when interacting with your child. It is perfectly okay to feel stressed or angry during a difficult period of your life, but you do not need to put that onto your child. If you are about to say something negative, stop and ask yourself why you are saying it.

Also, if the other parent is seeing someone new, bad-mouthing them is never appropriate. You can’t control how much time that child will spend with that person in the future, so setting the tone for a negative experience serves nobody.With Your Ex

Conversely, if you discover that your separated partner has been mistreating your child in such a way, it won’t help to yell at them or lecture them about it. This will only increase the hostility of the divorce, which your child will sense.

Instead, ask them to sit down and talk about your child’s needs and bring up your concern in a productive, benevolent way. If you say “you’re a manipulative person”, you will only create a hostile environment.

However, if you say “Our child told me that you said this, and I wanted to bring it up with you. I understand tensions are high, but I don’t believe this is helpful to our child’s wellbeing.” Even if this is received poorly at first, this should be a productive way to raise concerns, which is an important part of communication and effective parenting.In Court

The same applies during the actual divorce. If there is something you really want out of the divorce, ask yourself if it is because you truly believe it is fair. If it’s something you believe is right and just, then it’s okay to fight for it.

However, if you are doing something purely out of spite or with the wrong intentions, they will be perceived that way. It’s one thing to claim that you’re doing things in the best interest of everybody involved, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually consider others’ best interests. Either way, it won’t go unnoticed.

Don’t Overcompensate

A common ambition of parents during a divorce is to try to spoil your children into feeling better or “liking you more”. Not only is this not a good long-term strategy, but it will likely lead to unnecessary conflict.

Again, always question your own intentions before making decisions. However, this is often done unconsciously or with the sole desire of making the child feel better.

Nevertheless, you are still a parent and still one of the primary adults in the child’s life. For the sake of their development, you still need to act like a parent and try to provide them with the best childhood that you can.

It is perfectly okay to take your child out for ice cream and to have fun with them. However, showering them with unnecessary gifts and rewards because of your own guilt won’t help them, even if it feels right in the moment.

Instead, try to be present, honest, and genuine with your child at all times. That is what they need.

Take Care Of Yourself

Lastly, your child needs healthy parents. During your time alone, it’s important to ensure that you are remaining safe and healthy. There are many learning curves that come with divorce, like how to handle living alone.

We discussed a lot about taking care of your child, which is likely your top priority. However, that doesn’t mean you should sacrifice taking care of yourself.

Don’t Give Up!

Listen, divorce with children inevitably comes with bumps in the road. How you handle those bumps will determine how your child looks back at a large portion of their childhood. If you take anything away from this, always have the best of intentions for your child and try to work as a team. If you want to learn more about co-parenting, stay up to date with our latest news and contact us with any questions!

Eight Tips to Help You Deal With Mixed Emotions After Divorce

mixed emotions after divorce

Divorce can happen for many reasons but no matter the cause, everyone struggles to deal with the emotions of separation.

Did you know that the most common cause of divorce is a lack of commitment

Even if you ended things naturally, there are still a lot of mixed emotions that come with getting a divorce and moving on from an ex-partner. You can feel sad, angry, confused, irritable, or even experience mental health problems.

The first step after divorce is coming to terms with what has happened. However, in order to do that, you need the right support network and tools.

Thankfully, you won’t need to look very far to find some advice and tips to help you come to terms with your divorce and build a new future. This article will give you everything you need.

Why Divorce Is Emotionally Challenging

It is no wonder that after divorce you are confronted with new challenges. That being said, emotions after divorce are not something you can prepare for. No one expects that when they get married they will separate.

But, it happens and many people are left alone trying to navigate their way around their new life. It is important to understand why you might be feeling uncertain, sad, or confused about what has happened. 

So, why is divorce emotionally challenging? 

Let’s start with the fact that you have just lost someone you loved. 

Letting Go

Love is a profound feeling and it sneaks upon us in the most unexpected ways. When you marry someone, you do not only move in together and set up a home, you merge two lives together and share everything. 

Your partner becomes your whole world, and then, suddenly, they are gone. And, the person you loved leaves an empty space behind. 

The feeling is similar to when you lose any loved one, no matter if that is a spouse, parent, or child. The pain and grief are the same. Sometimes, you will look back on the relationship with fondness.

Other times, you will feel angry and want to withdraw from everyone around you. All of these feelings are perfectly normal. 

Broken Family

Coping with divorce is hard enough between two partners, but most of the time, people who divorce also have children. Therefore, the separation is not just between a couple, but it ends in a broken family. 

Every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy, and they want to give them the best life possible. However, many parents feel guilty for not making their marriage work and therefore put the blame on themselves. 

This is particularly difficult when the children are young and cannot understand exactly what has happened. This can cause other problems for children adjusting to the new family system.

All you can do is help your child with the transition and talk to them openly about dealing with emotions after divorce. 

Unfulfilled Dreams

Popular culture such as movies, songs, and books convey love as an idealistic, magical experience.

Of course, that is true. It is a marvelous feeling to fall in love. Although, anyone who has fallen in love knows that in reality, being in a marriage is difficult. It requires two people to be open-minded and considerate. 

As well as mixed emotions after divorce, people are confronted with the fact that their dream life, dream person, and dream future has been changed. 

Plus, you need to think about how your future will turn out, make decisions for yourself, and get used to being alone for the first time, in possibly a long time. 

Now you might be wondering, how to cope with divorce, what you can do, and how to build a life after divorce.

Eight Tips to Help You Heal After Divorce

Learning how to cope with divorce is a complicated and intense process. You might be wondering how to split finances, organize co-parenting, and also how to manage your own emotions. 

In order for you to be there for your family and build a new life for yourself, you will need to prioritize looking after yourself. You will need to take time to process the divorce so you can move on fully. 

1) Be Gentle to Yourself

A breakup is tough emotionally, but a divorce is even harder. You might have been with someone for years, or maybe months, but the effects of getting divorced take a long time to get over. 

Instead of trying to ignore your feelings, pushing on with life, or repressing difficult emotions, you need to learn to be gentle to yourself. You need to allow yourself time to feel all the different emotions. 

Self-care and being compassionate to yourself is essential for coping with life after divorce, and it will help you handle all the other obstacles that come with it.  

2) Don’t Rush

As mentioned before, losing a loved one through a divorce means you’ll have to give yourself time to experience the grief. Divorce marks an end of a part of your life, and therefore you need to take your time saying goodbye. 

That might mean talking with your partner, journaling, or simply being alone and reflecting on your marriage. 

That being said, this process will look different to everyone, as everyone’s divorce ends differently. The most important thing is to remember both the good and bad parts of the relationship.

This will help you find closure and move on with your life. 

3) Think Positively

It can be easy to fall into the trap of viewing your divorce as a failure and maybe you have people around you who are judging you for your decision or criticizing the way you handled it. 

Ultimately, you do not need to justify the decision to anyone. Your marriage was between two people, and it does not mean that you failed because it didn’t work out. 

As well as this, divorce rates are even higher nowadays than they were in the past because society has changed and there is not the same pressure to settle down and have children with someone. 

To avoid feeling shame or negativity towards your marriage, you should try to have a positive outlook. This helps you think positively and accept what has happened. 

4) Surround Yourself With Happiness

After getting divorced, some people may feel lonely, depressed, and isolated from friends. This might be due to the fact that couples tend to form similar friendship groups, or you might want to withdraw from everyone else.

Not only this, but the process of getting divorced is tiring and it can get messy, especially if children are involved and you need to attend custody trials. 

Because of these reasons, you need to ensure that the people around you are good for you. This means you should think carefully about the people in your life and if they are supporting you during this time or making it worse.

This can be hard because you might not want to accept the idea that your close friends or family are affecting you negatively, but it is vital to your well-being that you are self-aware about your environment. 

It can be helpful to go to counseling, or another type of therapy if you feel that you are struggling with removing toxic people from your life. 

5) Reach Out to Friends

For any life change that someone goes through, it is crucial that you have supportive friends to lean on and comfort you. This is one of the most important ways to get through a divorce, talking and being with others.

However, you need to think carefully about who you confide in and make sure that they are trustworthy. This will become more important as the divorce becomes more permanent.

You will want someone you can rely on around you to help you with planning a move, a different job, or simply to sit with you and cry. Everyone needs help during these hard moments.

6) Build a Routine 

Once you have finalized the separation and decided on where you will be living, the next step is building your routine. After living with someone and merging your life with them, you will have to create a new routine. 

This tip is helpful for life in general, but it is particularly useful for people starting a new life after marriage. Routine can help you feel more grounded, in control, and safe. 

You will benefit from the consistency during a time that feels overwhelming and out of control. For instance, you can try a new hobby, go for a run, or set a new morning routine to start your day with positivity! 

7) Enjoy Being Single 

Being alone after marriage can be strange and you might feel an instinct to date again and meet someone new. That being said, it is healthy and beneficial to take some time alone.

It is a good way to process your feelings, and get used to your new living situation. In addition to this, you will learn to be confident by yourself, gain coping mechanisms, and enjoy doing things you love.

This is especially important if children are involved in your life. You do not want to change their environments even more. So, taking time away from dating is good for you and your children. 

8) Make the Most of Resources 

Thankfully, divorce can be made easier with the use of online tools and communities. For example, have you heard of 2houses? 

2houses is a wonderful online platform created to help divorced parents handle co-parenting and assist you in the practicalities of your new lives apart. 

How do they help?

They have tools to help you with organizing shared custody, finances, and other helpful software to make the transition as smooth and easy as possible for you and your family. 

Divorce doesn’t need to be stressful. If you have the right resources around you, it can be manageable for everyone involved. 

As well as 2houses, another great way to get support during a divorce is joining online chatrooms, groups, or book clubs where people discuss their own experiences and offer advice on different topics. 

This can be hugely helpful for those who are struggling with their separation and offers comfort in times of need. You don’t need to go through it all alone. 

Divorce is scary and often takes people by surprise, as no one thinks they will get separated when they first get married.

When the day comes when you decide to go separate ways with your partner, you might not know what to do or find it hard to create your identity after marriage. 

Finding Yourself After Divorce

To make sure that you don’t lose confidence or develop feelings of depression and anxiety, the best way to find yourself again is to connect with your passions and hobbies. 

This can be through taking online classes and developing a skill that you might never have had time to learn, or it could mean working towards being financially independent. 

After divorce, it is common to split finances until your partner is secure and fully independent from their spouse, so striving towards financial independence is a great way to create a new life for yourself. 

It also makes you feel empowered and confident for the future. This will make it easier going to events alone, making new friends, and living in your own home. 

It might take a while to get to a place where you are truly content, but it will happen. It will just take time and patience. 

Making Life Easy After Divorce

The last thing anyone needs after divorce is more stress due to organizing and planning the practical parts of a separation. To avoid this, 2houses is there to help! 

You no longer need to worry about sorting finances, planning custody dates, or messaging with your ex-spouse when you can do it all in one place. These tools are there to make life easier for you after divorce, not harder.

So, why not make the most of these resources? That way, you will be able to spend more time on yourself and work towards your new dream life! 

Reach out today to find out more

Child Custody: Making Shared Custody The Right Of Every Child

Making Shared Custody The Right Of Every Child

Even the most amicable divorce can be overwhelming. Between splitting up assets, processing your feelings, and finding the right child custody agreement, you may feel like you have too much on your plate. 

If you’re struggling to navigate shared custody, you aren’t alone. You just need the right resources to help you through this process. 

Before you go looking for a top-rated child custody lawyer, read this guide.

We’ll tell you all about your child’s right to shared custody, and how to navigate the custody agreement process. 

Caring For Your Child After Divorce

The way you and your co-parent handle your divorce will shape the way your child views relationships. If you do it right, your child will be able to look to you as a model of healthy communication and conflict resolution. 

Your divorce can also be an opportunity to make sure your child knows that they are loved and valued by both of their parents, regardless of the status of their relationship.

Shield Your Child From Anger and Blame 

Divorce can cause children to take on guilt about their parents’ separation. Some children assume that the divorce is somehow their fault. Some may wonder if one of their parents no longer wants to be around them. 

Sometimes, these feelings can come from exposure to anger and bitterness. It’s completely normal to have some feelings of anger surrounding your divorce, but you should always try to protect your child from these feelings. 

This is especially true with young children. If a younger child sees you acting angry around the house, they may assume that they are the subject of that anger. 

Instead of showing your child anger, remind them often that both parents love them despite the imminent changes to your family dynamic. 

Check In With Your Child’s Mental Health

Divorce is likely to bring up some foreign feelings for your child. It will be understandably confusing for them to suddenly not live with both parents. 

Let your child know that it’s okay for them to feel nervous, upset, or irritable during this transition. These feelings are normal and will pass as they adjust to their new living arrangement. 

Understand that your child may act out during this adjustment period. Without giving up on your principles as a parent, try to cut them some extra slack and treat them with extra compassion.

If your child starts to exhibit long-term behavioral or mood problems after your divorce, don’t be afraid to get them some mental health care. Talk to a child psychologist if necessary.

Protect Your Child From Isolation

Many custody arrangements look something like, “Mom’s house during the week, Dad’s house on the weekends” (or vice versa). This can result in your child suddenly spending less time than usual with one parent. 

In the U.S., the number of children living only with their mothers has doubled in the past 50 years.

As long as both parents can provide a safe environment for the child, you should always strive for a balanced shared custody arrangement. Your child will be happiest when they can have quality time with both parents. 

That’s why the right to shared custody is so important to childhood development. You don’t necessarily have to split the time 50/50, but you should make sure quality parent-child time is a priority on both sides.

What Is Shared Child Custody?

Protecting your child from isolation means, when possible, designing a shared custody arrangement. But what exactly is shared child custody?

Shared custody means that your child alternates between living at both of their parents’ households. 

As we mentioned earlier, a custody arrangement can look like, “Mom’s house during the week, Dad’s house during the weekend.” It can also look like, “Mom’s house Monday-Wednesday, Dad’s house Thursday-Sunday.”

You can also rotate weekends to compensate for extra time during the week. For example, if a child spends the school week at their mother’s house, they may spend 2 out of every 3 weekends at their father’s house to keep things balanced.

Most custody agreements are legally binding. You can figure out a custody agreement through a few different branches of the legal system, which we’ll talk more about shortly. 

Making your arrangement legally binding is a good way to keep both parents accountable for it. 

The best custody arrangements are determined based on the parents’ desires, the parents’ means, and the child’s preferences. 

For example, if one parent has a very demanding job, it may not be wise for the child to spend weeknights at their home. If a child is thriving in a certain school system, you should consider doing what you can to keep them in that district during the week. 

Every shared custody arrangement is unique, and your family must find their own special balance.

Why Is Shared Custody Important? 

Why is shared custody the healthiest choice for most parents and children? There are three main factors that make shared custody so important. 

Your Child’s Development

Divorce impacts children differently depending on their age. While teenage children are likely to be able to understand the complicated factors that lead to divorce, younger children may not. 

If your child suddenly loses touch with one of their parents at a young age, they may have to heal from that feeling of loss when they’re older. 

When your child maintains a healthy relationship with both parents across multiple homes, they are likely to have a smooth development into adulthood!

Plus, a healthy custody arrangement can show your child how to handle conflict in relationships when they’re older. 

Your custody arrangement is your opportunity to teach your child about respect, honoring one’s word, and treating other people with compassion. 

Shared Parenting Responsibility 

Shared custody is not only beneficial for children; it also helps newly divorced parents. 

Learning to live on your own after divorce isn’t easy. Becoming the sole caretaker for your child at the same time would make it even more difficult. 

Be considerate to yourself and your co-parent by sharing parenting duties the way you did when you were married. 

You won’t benefit from overworking yourself, and neither will your child. Keeping your family healthy means keeping both parents within their means.

Maintaining an Amicable Divorce

Shared custody keeps you and your former spouse beholden to each other. This may seem stressful at first, but it’s a good thing in the long run. 

It is much easier to heal from your divorce when you and your co-parent have the wellbeing of your child to unite you. No matter how much distance there is between you, you will always agree on wanting what’s best for your child.

Of course, not every divorced couple can be on friendly terms. However, maintaining a civil and open line of communication with your former spouse is by far the healthiest way to re-imagine your family. 

How to Have an Open Conversation About Shared Custody

Broaching the subject of child custody isn’t always easy. Let’s go over three rules that you can use to guide you through this process. 

You can discuss child custody in the presence of a mediator, but you don’t necessarily have to. If you and your co-parent feel up to it, try coming up with an ideal custody plan without legal intervention.

Go In Knowing What You Want

Enter into your custody conversation with a clear idea of what you want. Consider your work schedule, your financial means, and what holiday arrangements work best for you. 

It’s important to go in with a clear idea of what you want so that you don’t leave the conversation feeling unsatisfied. 

This can also help keep you and your co-parent on track and prevent the conversation from devolving into an argument. Structure is your best friend when it comes to these difficult conversations. 

Be Prepared to Compromise

Go in with a clear idea of what you want, but don’t expect that plan to be your outcome. The purpose of a discussion about shared custody is to find an outcome that gives both parents as much of what they want as possible. 

Despite the circumstances that may have led to your divorce, you must try to treat your co-parent with compassion. Recognize that their desires are important, and hopefully, they will return the favor to you. 

Mutual understanding and kindness is the best way to reach a compromise that is genuinely satisfying for everyone involved.

Prioritize Your Child’s Wellbeing

The most important factor in your custody discussion is your child’s wellbeing. This should take priority over you and your co-parent’s personal preferences. 

Ask yourselves important questions, such as: how will this custody arrangement affect our child’s schooling? When will our child be able to see friends? Can both of our homes properly accommodate our child?

If your child is old enough, you should talk to them directly about what they would like their schedule to look like. 

Let your child know that they have the right to advocate for themselves. If they are unhappy with your custody arrangement, they should always feel comfortable voicing it.

Try Child Custody Mediation

If you and your co-parent cannot come to a custody agreement on your own, don’t worry. That’s perfectly normal, and mediation may be able to help.

A mediator is a neutral party that helps settle legal disputes without bringing them into a courtroom. 

Mediation is much less expensive than a child custody lawsuit. It can also be less emotionally taxing. 

Your mediator will sit down with you and your co-parent and guide the conversation. Their job is to guide your discussion and make sure you reach a compromise that suits both of you.

A mediator will not work in favor of just you or just your co-parent; they will always strive to be fair and balanced.

Mediators can be especially helpful to unmarried parents who need to design a custody arrangement after a breakup.

Hire a Child Custody Attorney

In some situations, you may need to hire a child custody attorney. This can be expensive, but there are also free lawyers for child custody out there. 

Child custody attorneys can really help when your divorce proceedings get messy. You should consider hiring a child custody attorney if: 

  • Your co-parent refuses to cooperate with a mediator 
  • Your co-parent refuses to honor a mutually agreed-upon custody arrangement
  • You fear your child may not be safe with your co-parent
  • Your child is disabled and/or requires special services or medical care
  • You and your co-parent live in different states

As you prepare for court, your attorney will help you understand the factors that affect custody rulings

Stick To Your Custody Arrangement

No matter how you come up with your custody arrangement, you should always stick to it. The more consistent your child’s home life can be, the better. 

It can be okay to bend the rules once in a while when special occasions come about. However, you should always communicate clearly about these changes with both your co-parent and your child. 

Your child will thrive in an environment where they always know what to expect. A regular schedule and clear communication is the best way to keep your child healthy and happy.

Honor Your Child’s Right to Shared Custody 

Child custody is a complicated subject, but you can always find a way to navigate it. Reach out to a child custody facilitator with any further questions you may have. 

Remember to honor your needs, your co-parent’s needs, and your child’s needs above all else. Shared custody arrangements work best when both parents practice empathy and understanding. 

With the right resources and hard work, family life after divorce can be happy and fruitful.