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23 March 202323 March 2023

Supporting a Child’s Ability to Cope with the Emotional Impact of Separation and Divorce

When parents find themselves considering separation and divorce, they often think of the different impacts on the whole family. Monetary, living spaces and even schooling factor in but, often, parents are reassured that children are resilient. While this is true, it is important for parents to understand the emotional impact of separation and divorce and how to help their children cope with it.

What Emotional Impacts Occur With Children?

There are a number of emotional impacts that you can see in your child during separation and divorce. These can be:

Strong Emotions: Children often experience a range of emotions from sadness to anger. They can have a sense of loss and can experience high levels of anxiety. Depression is also not uncommon.
Behavior Problems: There are a range of behavior problems that occur including delinquency, problems connecting or experiencing increased conflict with peers or adults, impulsive behaviour and conduct disorders. In addition to those behavior problems, children often engage in risk taking behaviors, such as early sexual activity and drug and alcohol use.
Poor Academic Performance: While we think of this as more of a psychological hurdle, it is often linked to emotional impacts. Recently, a study has shown that poor academic performance is seen more commonly in children where divorce was unexpected, rather than when divorce was expected.

It is important to understand that the age of the child will also have emotional impacts. Young children are more likely to worry about not being loved any longer by one or both parents. Grade school children often shoulder the blame of divorce and teenagers can become quite angry with one or both of their parents. Regardless of age, children often feel fear and confusion around the divorce and separation, along with a high level of stress, which can lead to those behavioral impacts as a result.

Helping Your Children Cope with Emotional Impacts

Coping with the emotional impacts of divorce and separation are key in helping your child adjust to the new norm in their life. In addition, parents should understand that coping is an ongoing process. Even when kids look like they are fully coping with the change, there can be setbacks that bring new, or old, emotions to the forefront and parents may have to shift the coping mechanisms.

However, we have several coping mechanisms that will help your child cope with the emotional impacts.

1. Coping with Your Own Emotional Impacts

Although a lot of our focus is on the impact of separation and divorce on children, it is important to start by looking at the emotional impacts you are facing yourself. No matter how you reached the decision to separate, you will have your own emotional impacts that can include anger, frustration, grief, anxiety and a range of other emotions.

Take time to destress, exercise and look into therapy to help you work through the emotions of separation and divorce. Find the coping strategies that work for you and put them to use daily. By learning how to cope with your emotional impacts, you will model coping strategies to your children.

2. Adult Problems – Adult Solutions

While this is not directly combating emotional impact directly, it is one of the most important steps that you can take as parents. Divorce affects the entire family, but it is still an adult problem that adults need to find the solutions for. Children should not be involved in this process at all as it adds unnecessary stress for them.

Some ways that you can minimize bringing the kids into the adult problem are:

Communicate Directly: Don’t make your kids the messenger. If you need to communicate something to your ex-partner, say it directly to them through phone calls, emails, texts, etc. When a child is working as the messenger, it can lead them to easily step into a mediator role, which leads to an increased risk of anxiety and depression.
Be Diplomatic: This goes with communicating directly but when you are diplomatic, there is often less tension between parents. Make sure that you are not badmouthing the other parent to or in front of the child.
Learn: Parenting through divorce and separation is a learning process so it is important to learn and educate yourself as parents. Find out the best way to navigate divorce, how to meet the needs of your kids together and how to get support when needed.

In the end, maintaining a parenting relationship with your ex-partner that is as free of tension and stress as possible will go a long way in helping your kids cope with the divorce.

3. Foster Healthy Dynamics

Fostering healthy dynamics with your children and your ex-partner enables everyone to cope with the emotional impact of separation and divorce. This can be done in a number of ways.

Foster a strong parent-child relationship: Keep conflict low, find ways to meet the needs of your kids in positive, respectful ways. Be sure to set limits but also give the child parental time, affection and warmth.
Allow your kids to feel safe: Find out where their worries are and make sure they feel loved and safe. Many children can have a fear of abandonment from one or more parents so reassurance that you will be there for your child is important.
Keep routines: With so much change, it can be difficult to keep routines but it is important to try. Agree with your partner on routines and schedules that will happen at both homes and enforce those routines. When kids have a sense of structure, they feel less stress and going between homes won’t be as scary for them.
Let your kids tell you what they need: While we want to solve all the hurt your child is living through, it is important to not always fix it for them. Listen to them when they tell you what they need and try to incorporate that into your child’s life. They’ll feel empowered, and learn that they are strong enough to work through the stress.

Before moving on to the final tip, it is important to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex-partner through open communication. The more you communicate in a respectful manner, the better your child’s coping skills.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency is key with coping with emotional impacts. Be consistent with your actions, time and with routines as mentioned above. In addition, establish rules and consequences with your ex-partner in regard to your children. If consequences need to be given, make sure that it is consistent between both households. Studies have shown that consistency, even in regard to discipline, help reduce delinquency in children.

In the end, these are coping strategies that you can use without professional help; however, if nothing is working and your child is still experiencing a lot of emotional distress and negative behaviors as a result, it is important to seek professional help. This help could be through mediators to provide a lower level of tension between parents, or psychological support from a trained professional for your children and even your whole family.

The key to successfully coping with the emotional impact from separation and divorce is in being proactive and getting the support you and your children need.

14 March 202313 March 2023

Managing Childcare Costs after Divorce: Resources and Tips for Budgeting and Negotiating Expenses

Introduction

Divorce can be an emotionally draining and difficult experience for parents and children. Our previous blog posts have shown that divorce has a profound emotional impact on children in many circumstances. Since infants learn about the world via their parents and surroundings, this foundation is strengthened as children grow older.

It is also a time when parents must carefully consider the financial implications of raising children independently. Managing childcare costs after a divorce can be challenging, but with the right resources and tips, developing a budget that works for both parents is possible.

Continue reading for some of the most helpful resources and tips for managing childcare costs after divorce. These include budgeting strategies, negotiating expenses with your former partner, and finding additional financial assistance.

How Are Child Care Expenses Divided after a Divorce?

Childcare expenses can quickly consume a large portion of a parent’s annual budget. In the United States, the rate of childcare ranges from $5,184 to $432 per month. Several variables influence how parents divide childcare expenditures when they divorce. Depending on the scenario, one or both parents may need to take on the primary or secondary caregiver role. Moreover, determining how childcare expenditures are distributed in a divorce may be complicated because childcare costs are sometimes unexpected and difficult to estimate. Childcare costs, in particular, may be influenced by the child’s age and the availability of daycare facilities.

It is imperative to note that childcare costs will differ depending on your child’s age and whether you have access to childcare facilities. The child’s age, the area where you live, and the type of childcare you and your child receive are essential factors to consider.

How to Divide Childcare Expenses When Separated

If you and your spouse are separating, it is a must to establish a financial agreement regarding how to split childcare expenses. You and your spouse both likely have differing childcare needs and economic needs. By establishing a financial agreement, you can ensure that your needs are met. Before you begin the separation process, discussing childcare and the future is worthwhile. The separation process can be emotionally challenging for parents and children, so discussing childcare is beneficial before the separation begins.

At the very least, it is critical to agree on who will take on the role of primary caregiver in the event of a separation. This can be helpful to have a financial agreement about how to split childcare costs. It can also help to have an agreement about who will take on responsibility for paying child support. This can be helpful if one parent cannot pay child support or is unwilling to do so.

How to budget around spousal and child support after getting divorced?

There are methods to budget around increased expenditures if one of the parents gets help from a previous spouse or another source. In many circumstances, one parent is responsible for paying spousal and child support, which may be difficult. Although budgeting for spousal and child support after divorce might be challenging, it is feasible. It is possible to manage childcare expenditures after divorce by following a few financial strategies, including controlling the expense of spousal and child support.

Contribute to child support. You may reduce the amount of child support you must pay by donating to it. If you are required to pay child support, contributing may assist in minimizing the overall amount you will have to spend.
Think about using flexible spending accounts. You may be able to manage child support bills, such as childcare costs, by setting up a flexible spending account. You may also assist with managing expenditures related to spousal assistance, such as housing and food.

Best way to spend money before and after divorce

Before you start budgeting for your family, you must have a strategy for managing your funds. Although adjusting to another budget may be difficult with the emotional turbulence of divorce, having a strategy for handling funds can be beneficial. Making a financial plan may help manage emotions and ease the transition to your current budget.

How to Create a Financial Plan

Make a budget. Many individuals start managing their money after creating a budget. A budget may aid in the simplification of financial planning and give a simple approach to monitoring and managing money. A budget may also help you make better financial decisions and find new ways to earn more.

Determine and address risk areas. Identifying and resolving areas of risk, such as high-cost loans or areas of trouble in your portfolio, may help simplify managing money. You can simplify your money management process and lower spending by identifying and resolving high-cost loans.

Best Way to Schedule Regular Bank Account Transfers

Scheduling monthly bank account transfers are one of the best strategies for handling childcare costs after a divorce. You may reduce the time you spend running funds by following a regular transfer plan. Creating a regular transfer timetable could ensure that all financial transactions are executed on time. A systematic transfer plan will help you keep track of childcare expenditures after divorce, including the price of daycare.

However, by putting in some extra effort, it is possible to develop a budget that works for both parents. A child care and development block grant (CCDBG) is a federal program that is legislation establishing the Child Care and Development Fund (CCDF). The CCDF is maintained by states, territories, and tribes and defines how federal funds will provide financial assistance to low-income families seeking child care. The National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies can also assist in managing childcare costs after divorce easier than ever before.

If you are beginning to manage your childcare costs after a divorce, it is wise to plan ahead. This means you can start creating a budget as soon as you can. You may be unable to work out a shared custody arrangement with your ex-spouse, but it’s vital to be honest with yourself when creating a budget.

Conclusion: Managing Childcare Costs after a Divorce

Just because a couple split up doesn’t mean they shouldn’t continue to share the responsibility of raising their child. However, parents must set aside the emotions of their divorce and focus on what is most beneficial for the children involved. This means putting aside past grievances and concentrating on resolving childcare costs.

The most important advice I can give you is don’t panic. Managing childcare costs after divorce is difficult but not impossible, and once you’ve found your feet, you’ll be much more confident about the future. We have many other online resources available that can assist with budgeting and negotiating childcare expenses. We would be happy to assist you in any way we can if you have any questions or concerns.

13 March 2023

Helping Your Child Build Resilience after Divorce: Strategies for Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Health and Well-Being

Introduction

Divorcing can be an emotionally challenging experience for both parents and children. While it is appropriate to acknowledge the pain and grief that comes with divorce, it is also imperative to focus on helping your child build resilience in moving forward.

According to the National Institute for Health Statistics, 10 million children (14% of the population) live in divorced or separated households. By understanding your child’s unique needs, you can create a supportive environment that encourages healthy emotional development and well-being.

Continue reading about strategies for helping your child build resilience after divorce and promote positive emotional health.

Strategy for Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Health and Well-Being after a Divorce

Around 80% of divorced children adapt smoothly and have no long-term negative effects on their academics, social adjustment, or mental health. Children who grow up in households with much squabbling, antagonism, and dissatisfaction are more likely to develop mental health illnesses and behavioral issues.

As a consequence, it is typical for youngsters to struggle with their emotions and behavior immediately after parental separation. Divorce may be a challenging experience for children, so it is imperative to concentrate on their mental health and well-being during this time. Encourage self-care, maintain a stable and supportive family environment, and create strong bonds with your kid.

Self-care is critical for maintaining mental health and well-being, and encouraging children to engage in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or writing may assist them in managing stress and anxiety. Positive coping skills and stress-reduction approaches may help kids build resilience and deal with difficult emotions.

Resilience in Children: Strategies to Strengthen Your Kids

Divorce may be a difficult event for children. Therefore, it is critical to help them build resilience to the upheaval. The capacity to recover from setbacks and adapt to new conditions is called resilience. Resilience is a talent that can be learned and improved over time, and parents may play a vital role in assisting their children in developing resilience.

One of the most effective strategies to boost children’s resilience is providing a stable and supportive environment. Children want safety and security, which parents may provide by keeping a regular schedule and creating a stable home environment. Even during upheaval and uncertainty, this may help them feel anchored and comfortable.

What Strategy Should You Use?

The strategy to assist children in building resilience is to help them create a positive outlook. This might include encouraging them to concentrate on their strengths and successes rather than their flaws and failings. Parents may also assist their children in developing a growth mindset by teaching them that setbacks and obstacles are chances for development and learning.

It is also critical to educate children about coping strategies to assist them in dealing with stress and worry. Teaching them relaxation methods such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga may help. It may also include teaching kids problem-solving techniques and encouraging them to seek assistance from trustworthy people such as parents, teachers, or counselors.

Parents may assist their children in developing resilience by modeling resilient behavior. This may include using healthy coping skills such as positive self-talk, exercise, and self-care. It may also involve exhibiting endurance in the face of difficulties and disappointments.

It takes time and works to develop resilience in children, but it is a necessary trait that may help them succeed in the face of hardship. Parents may help their children build the strength they need to handle the difficulties of divorce and beyond. This is done by providing a stable and supportive environment, teaching them coping strategies, and modeling resilient behavior.

Ways to Raise Happy, Resilient Kids after a Divorce

Divorce may be difficult, but raising happy, resilient children in the aftermath is possible. The idea is to concentrate on having a stable and supportive family environment that fosters positive emotional health and well-being. Here are some ideas for parenting resilient children after divorce:

1. Concentrate on co-parenting: Co-parenting might be difficult, but collaborating is critical to provide a stable and supportive home environment for your children. This might include establishing regular norms and routines, talking freely and politely, and working together to make choices for your children’s well-being and interests.
2. Promote open communication: Children must feel comfortable discussing their thoughts and concerns with their parents. Open communication may help youngsters feel supported and heard, promoting their emotional health and well-being.
3. Encourage healthy connections: Children need positive relationships with both their parents and other adults, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and family friends. These interactions give children additional sources of support and guidance, which can help them grow resilience.
4. Give chances for fun and play: Children need opportunities for joy and play, even during stress and uncertainty. Offering children a chance to have fun and space may help them feel joyful and engaged, promoting their emotional health and well-being.
5. Get help: Divorce may be a complicated process for parents. Therefore it is critical to seek help when required. Talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or asking friends and family for assistance may help.

Things Not to Say to a Child in Divorce

Divorce may be a challenging experience for children; therefore, it is crucial to be cautious of what you say to them at this time. These are some things not to speak to a divorced child:

1. “It’s all your fault”: Holding your child responsible for the divorce may be devastating, leading to guilt and humiliation. Avoid blaming children for the divorce and instead concentrate on building a supportive and stable family environment.
2. “Your other parent is a nasty person”: Negative comments about the other parent may harm children and cause uncertainty and worry. It is critical to avoid disparaging the other parent instead of concentrating on co-parenting and fostering a healthy home environment.
3. “I wish things had been different”: Expressing regret or grief about the divorce may be difficult for children to hear, leading to emotions of fear and uncertainty and concentrating on maintaining a pleasant home environment and giving children the support and direction they need to flourish after a divorce is critical.
4. “I don’t have time for you right now”: While divorce may be difficult for parents, it is critical to prioritize your children’s needs and offer them the support and attention they need. You must not ignore your children during this period and instead concentrate on providing a supportive and stable home environment.
5. “You shouldn’t feel that way”: Validating children’s feelings may be very harmful, leading to uncertainty and fear. Validating children’s emotions and providing them with the support and direction they need to manage the obstacles of divorce is critical.

Conclusion: Building Child’s Resilience after Divorce

Parents may help their children develop resilience and flourish after divorce by concentrating on co-parenting, supporting open communication, establishing solid connections, offering chances for fun and play, and getting assistance when required.

You may help your children develop resilience and flourish after divorce by being attentive to what you say to them throughout the divorce. You may help your children by concentrating on self-care, development of coping skills, time for fun and play, accessing assistance, and providing a stable and supportive home environment.

At this time, it is a must to be patient and understanding. In addition, it is a must to offer your children the support and advice they need to manage divorce problems.

3 March 202327 February 2023

Blended Family and Step-Parenting Tips

More than forty percent of all American families are blended families. At some point in their lives, most people may find themselves moving from a ‘blended’ state to a ‘traditional’ family setting.

In other words, they may find themselves part of a step or blended family.

Whether you are interested in becoming part of a step-family or you already are and you’re looking for some advice and information on how to navigate this unique situation, you’ve come to the right place.

Below, we’ve put together our top stepfamily and blended family tips for you to check out.

Set Realistic Expectations

Setting realistic expectations is crucial when it comes to blended family life. After a divorce, parents and children may already be dealing with feelings of loss and upheaval.

Adding a stepmom or stepfather to the mix can further complicate things. This is particularly the case if expectations are unrealistic.

Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, resentment, and even conflict.

To set realistic expectations, parents, stepmoms, and stepfathers should communicate openly and honestly about their hopes and concerns. They should take the time to get to know each other and build trust.

This includes discussing important issues such as discipline, family traditions, and routines.

It is also important to have an open mind and be flexible. But you should still try to create clear boundaries and set expectations.

For example, a stepmom might expect to instantly bond with her stepchildren and have the same level of authority as their biological mother.

But this may not be realistic, particularly if the children are still dealing with the aftermath of their parent’s divorce.

Instead, the stepmom could set the expectation that building a strong relationship with the children will take time. She could also communicate with the biological mother to establish clear boundaries around parenting roles.

Be a Great Communicator

One of the best ways that you can be a great communicator is by using “I” statements.

“I” statements are a type of communication that focuses on expressing how you feel. It is a much better idea to do this than it is to place blame and pointing fingers.

By using “I” statements, you’ll be taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. This can help to prevent conflict in conversations.

You should structure “I” statements to begin with the word “I.” You’ll then need to follow with a specific feeling or emotion. This might include “I feel frustrated when…” or “I am concerned about…”.

Address Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up. But it can be a challenging issue for parents to navigate.

Addressing sibling rivalry is important for fostering a healthy and positive family environment.

One of the first steps in addressing sibling rivalry is to acknowledge it and talk about it openly. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s important to stay positive.

You should also emphasize the importance of treating each other with kindness and respect.

Determine the Household Rules

During the divorce process, or after a child custody evaluation, establishing clear and consistent household rules can help to create a stable environment for children.

When determining household rules, make sure to involve everyone in the conversation. This can include talking with your children about their needs and concerns.

You should try to work together to establish rules that are fair and appropriate for everyone in the family. By doing this, you will create a sense of ownership and accountability.

This will help to promote positive behavior and respect for the rules. You’ll also need to establish consequences for breaking the rules, and enforce those consequences consistently.

This can help create a sense of predictability and stability in your home.

Nurture Family Bonds

A strong family bond provides children with a sense of security and support. This will also promote positive social, emotional, and cognitive development.

One of the best ways to nurture family bonds is by prioritizing activities that foster meaningful connections. When you are creating a parenting plan, it’s a good idea to identify what these activities are.

One of the best ways to nurture family bonds is to spend time together as a family. This can include activities like family dinners, game nights, and outings to local parks.

By spending quality time together, you will create a sense of togetherness and closeness with those who you care about.

Parent Together and Not Separately

When parents work together, they will create a sense of unity within the family. Also, when parents work together, they can more effectively model positive behavior and problem-solving skills for their children.

One of the best ways to parent together is to establish a clear and consistent approach to parenting. This can include agreeing on rules and consequences for behavior and consistently enforcing those rules and consequences.

Another key aspect of parenting together is effective communication. You will need to be willing to listen to one another’s perspectives and concerns.

You will also need to commit yourselves to working together.

Blended Family and Step-Parenting Tips

It can be challenging to figure out how to be a great parent if you live in a blended family or if you are a step-parent.

This is why it is such a good idea to familiarize yourself with the top tips and tricks. Make sure to set clear expectations and to be a great communicator. You should also take action to address sibling rivalry.

Are you ready to start improving your family life? If so, 2houses is here to help you. Don’t hesitate to visit our Key Features page to get started today!

1 March 202327 February 2023

10 Tips for Separated Parents

Divorce is one of the top five most stressful life events that people go through. Not only is it a stressful matter to endure, but the fallout continues when you try to handle your parenting matters apart from your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

You can make this entire process easier by making good decisions during the separation period.

These tips will help you manage your separation as parents so that you can divorce in peace while also coming up with long-term strategies for raising your kids.

1. Look at Each Other as Parents First

When you split from your spouse, you might have some grudges and resentment that you hold against them. It might take some time to heal and get over these issues.

Keep in mind the importance of your child having an involved mother or father, and look at them as a parent first. Having this level of grace and understanding will prevent you from holding things against them and will make communication for parenting decisions much easier while raising children.

2. Resolve to Have a Peaceful Divorce

Make sure that you also prioritize peace during the divorce process. Divorce is stressful on its own, and turning it into a battle makes it even more stressful than it has to be.

Compromise with your spouse and make it a cooperative divorce process.

3. Speak to a Family Mediator

Don’t wait to get the help of a professional that can help smooth things out for you and your spouse during your separation and divorce proceedings.

Get the help of a professional mediator that can help you communicate and create workable compromises. Leading with a mediator rather than a lawyer is important because a mediator is impartial and works for both of you.

4. Have Honest Conversations With Your Children

Prioritize your kids above all during this process. Open the floor for them to discuss how they feel about the divorce process. Listen without trying too hard to shape their perspective while reassuring them that this doesn’t change how both parents feel about them.

Become intentional about checking in with your child and discussing things with them so that this link remains strong once you’re raising them in two households.

5. Come Up With Parenting Strategies

The most important thing you can do during the process of divorce with children is create parenting strategies that you both can stick to. Consider everything from the child’s education, extracurricular activities, religion, friendship, and other details. Communicate with each other every step of the way, and formalize your parenting strategies as much as possible.

Having an ironclad parenting plan takes the ambiguity out of the situation and lets you both know how you contribute.

6. Set Your Home Up With Kids in Mind

Regardless of the custody arrangement, you need to make sure that your home is set up with kids in mind. Both parents should do their best to give their kids their own bedroom and areas where they can play, do their homework, and live life as a kid without a significant drop-off in either home.

It’ll be easier to have your time with your kids when the environment is set up for it.

7. Get Therapy and Healing

During the separation, make sure that you are also taking care of yourself. Divorce can take a psychological and emotional toll for many years to come. The best way through this is by seeking the help of a licensed therapist.

Book an appointment to talk to a therapist once a week for the foreseeable future. This is a safe place to unpack all aspects of the divorce and how you feel about it so that you can move forward and be the best individual and parent you can be.

Practice other forms of self-care as well to help with the healing process. Regularly exercising, eating clean foods, and taking care of yourself can help you more than anything else.

8. Document Things Regularly

Operate with your spouse in good faith, always give them a chance, and do your best to see their point of view. However, make sure that you’re also documenting aspects of your parental arrangement in case there are ever court matters that need to be hashed out.

It’s best to document these things as you go so that you’re not scrambling for evidence when you need it.

9. Handle Your Legal Matters

Your separation will also be more peaceful when you know that you’re properly handling your legal matters. Hire a family attorney that can answer all of your questions and lay the groundwork for your strategies.

From there, you can move forward with intention and handle business one step at a time.

10. Recognize That Things Aren’t Always Exactly 50/50

Adjust your definition of fairness as it pertains to raising your child in two different households. With separated families, fairness should involve what’s best for the child while also allowing both parents to contribute and get the time that they need and deserve.

However, life happens, and there will never be a precise 50/50 split with everything. Strive to be respectful and fair, speak your mind, and find workable solutions every step of the way.

Do What’s Best for Your Family

Parents going through a divorce need to use some strategies that will help them keep their families together.

2houses can help you when you’re trying to come up with parenting tips and strategies that will help you raise your family peacefully and productively. Contact us online

27 February 202327 February 2023

Divorce Coparenting: The Emotional Toll of Divorce on Children

If you’re a married person who thinks that your marriage might be over, you’re not alone. Nearly 38% of marriages end in divorce.

The bright side is that this means you have resources that can help you get through even the toughest part of the divorce process. For most people, the hardest part is figuring out how to parent your kids in two different households.

Read on to get some divorce coparenting tips that will help you out.

How Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce takes a significant emotional toll on kids in many cases. Babies learn about the world through their parents and their household, and this foundation solidifies as kids get older and mature into adults.

When that foundation is fractured, it’s natural that a child’s sense of security and wholeness might be threatened. This can have psychological and emotional effects well throughout childhood and beyond.

Studies show that teenagers from divorced households are three times more likely to need mental health counseling. Some other ways that divorce takes a toll on children includes:

Struggling with school grades and performance
Are more likely to act out with their behavior
A stronger likelihood of substance abuse
Higher dropout rate
Difficulty in romantic and interpersonal relationships

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get divorced if there’s no fixing your marriage. However, consider this potential toll as you and your soon-to-be ex figure out strategies for raising your children post-marriage.

What Is Divorce Coparenting?

Divorce coparenting is the best-case scenario if you’d like to get a clean split from each other while still doing what’s best for your kids. With co-parenting, you get to go through the divorce process cooperatively and create solutions that will help you do what’s best for your children.

There are some helpful steps you can follow to create the ideal coparenting relationship and agreements.

Get Divorce Mediation

The first thing you should do is agree to sit down with professional mediators. Mediators are impartial professionals that can help the two of you negotiate and speak your mind without making the process contentious.

Working with professional mediators starts your divorce process with cooperation in mind and opens lines of communication. Going to mediation makes it easier for you two to come to agreements without letting squabbles get in the way.

Consult With an Attorney

Though cooperation is the name of the game, you still owe it to yourself to get sound legal advice. A divorce attorney will sit down and discuss the circumstances of your marriage and divorce. During the consultation, the lawyer will ask your goals for the divorce, and will talk about your assets and whether you have a prenup.

Once you hire a lawyer, they’ll also provide you with advice on how to move forward. Perhaps most importantly, your attorney will advise you so that you don’t make costly legal mistakes.

Come to Terms on the Most Important Things

Once you know that you can openly speak to your spouse, treat your conversations in a business-like fashion. Start hashing out the most important details of parenthood, such as child support, child custody arrangements, visitation, and other issues.

You’ll need to work them into an agreement that you can put before the judge, so get as detailed as possible. Having these discussions on your own is more productive and less painful than deciding everything piece by piece through several tense hearings.

When you create your agreement outside of court, the rest is a formality.

Discuss Your Family Vision

Take time to also discuss how you want to move forward as a family in a holistic sense. Talk about things like your kids’ activities, where they’ll attend school, religious beliefs, and other important matters.

Don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations, and never assume you’re on the same page about things unless they’re verbalized. Getting a divorce is only the beginning – you’ll need to get comfortable having these conversations for as long as you’re raising your children together and beyond.

The sooner you can get comfortable and develop a rapport, the more productive these conversations will be over time.

Take Care of Your Personal Health

Ending your marriage is hard, so do everything you can to take care of yourself. It can take a toll on your stress, health and emotions, so practice self-care to the best of your ability.

Make sure that you get sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly. Avoiding unhealthy habits and promoting healthy ones produces positive endorphins that can ease stress, anxiety, and depression.

You can also get divorce help in the form of mental health professionals. They will help you unpack your emotions and work through them so that you can heal and move forward. Don’t rush back into the dating market, and take as much time as you need.

Embrace your hobbies and find meaning in your work. The better you take care of yourself, the easier it’ll be for you to remain active in the divorce process and coparenting.

Work Through the Divorce Process

Divorce coparenting can be a difference-maker when applied correctly. The best thing this does is keep the temperature down. When emotions are low and not contentious, you’re more likely to get a quality outcome. This is necessary for everyone involved, and perhaps your kids will benefit most.

2houses can help you when you’re interested in strategies that can help you get through your divorce. To learn more, contact us on our site.

24 February 202324 February 2023

Understanding Child Support in a Divorce

The current divorce rate in the United States sits at 3.2 per 1,000 married individuals. This is down from several years ago, which means that the divorce rate is declining!

However, it still happens. If you are going through a divorce, it can be difficult. You may be struggling, and that’s okay.

But there’s no point in struggling alone, especially when there are plenty of people, communities, and programs out there to help you through it!

One thing you may need help with is child support. If so, this guide can help you understand a bit more about it and what you need to know. Keep reading to learn more!

What Is Child Support?

If you are going through a divorce, one of the most important things that you will need to understand if you have kids is child support.

In simple terms, child support is supplying payments to support a child during a divorce.

There are many different factors to understand when determining who is going to be providing child support. This typically depends on the income of the parents and how much time the child spends with either parent.

In a lot of cases, child support can actually be amicably worked out by the parents without going through the legal system or getting legal help. However, this is not always the case. If it’s not, the court will determine child support payments.

When the court gets involved, these payments are legally binding for both parties. They can either be paid from parent to parent, as part of a wage garnishment or through a state child support agency. This can be decided between parents with the help of the court.

What Does Child Support Cover?

If you are paying child support or about to start paying child support, you may be wondering what it covers. All child support goes towards covering any expenses related to the child. This could be for shelter, food, clothing, transportation, any medical bills they may have, health insurance, transportation needs, education needs, and anything else related to them.

The idea is to provide financial security for the child. The financial security only lasts until the child becomes an adult. Usually, this means that the payments will stop at age 18, but there are times that it can remain in place until the child is 21 or even a little bit older, depending on the needs of the child.

Missing Payments

So what happens if a parent misses a child support payment? If a parent fails to pay, this could result in going to jail, intercepting a tax refund, the government seizing property, or something similar. However, of course, there are exceptions to the rule.

If you need to pay child support but there is a major life change, there’s always the possibility to petition the court. You may be able to modify the child support payment if you face a job loss or are going through a serious illness at the time.

Who Gets the Child Support Payment?

If you are going through a divorce, the financial stress that you are feeling is enough on its own. But add in child support, and it can become even more stressful very quickly.

One of the most popular questions is who gets the child support payment during the divorce.

This typically goes toward the custodial parent. The custodial parent is the one who cares for the child on most days or for the most amount of time.

The non-custodial parent will be the one making the payments to the custodial parent. These payments depend on the income of the parents, the expenses of the child, and the time spent with the child.

How Child Support Is Calculated

Calculating child support is not a random process. The federal government requires that each state has their own process to calculate child support. The amount of child support is based on the parent’s income and expenses.

Although there are some other factors, this is the majority of what is taken into account by the courts.

However, the court will also look at the child’s needs and how likely the non-custodial parent is to be able to make payments. By looking at these factors, the state may determine that using the normal formula shouldn’t be done in this case. This is done on a case-by-case basis.More Details

The Income Shares Model is the most popularly used model for child support payments across 40 states. To determine the amount of child support, the states do the following:

The income of the parents is added together
Based on this number, a basic child support obligation number is determined
Based on this number, other considerations are taken into account such as medical care or work-related and child-care expenses
The child care support obligation is then split between parents based on a prorated rate determined by their income

Understanding Child Support

Going through a divorce is never easy, but having to go through the divorce and figure out your legal obligations as a parent for child support is even more difficult.

Getting used to having two houses can be extremely difficult for you and your former spouse. Luckily, 2houses is a program designed to help make the transition easier so you can focus on your own health and well-being during this difficult time.

With 2houses, you can keep track of finances, calendars, and everything else having to do with co-parenting all in one place.

If you feel that you’d benefit from this, you can start your free trial today to try it out before committing!

20 February 202317 February 2023

USA Military Divorce, Its Causes and Effects

Maintaining a healthy marriage is consistent work, especially when children are involved. It is an intimate, frustrating, fulfilling, and often overwhelming undertaking all at the same time. Yet, for the service men and women of the US military, it is often a breaking point.

It’s no secret that military personal experience some of the highest rates of divorce and separation in the country. A result of the incredible toll active military service can have on the private lives of its servicemen and women.

Yet, this phenomenon is not without its understanding. Today we’ll be exploring the common causes of military divorce, as well as the effects military divorce can have on your family. To provide you with the knowledge and support you need to navigate this difficult time.

The Common Causes of Military Divorce

It’s important to quantify that there is nothing inherently different about a military marriage and any other marriage. They can fall apart in all the same ways as each other, with nothing to do with the military at all.

We, however, will be unpacking many of the studied reasons that specifically military divorces occur. Causing them to be some of the highest divorce rates in the country.

Long Deployments

Perhaps the most obvious culprit is the deployments. Soldiers can be stationed for months, even years, at a time before returning home. This puts unimaginable strain on a marriage, with long bouts of loneliness.

In addition to that loneliness, studies have shown that couples often struggle to readjust after deployment. Creating an environment that fosters conflict, discomfort, and eventual emotional isolation.

Domestic Violence

Whether we like to admit it or not, statistics don’t lie. Service members of the US military have a higher-than-average rate of domestic violence, a trend that matches other high-stress occupations. This plays a large role in the high rate of divorces within the armed services.

A study conducted by the University of Florida showed that domestic violence was particularly prevalent within couples where a service member recently left the service.

Untreated Mental Health Problems

Tragically, mental health whilst being much more understood and treatable these days go staggeringly undertreated in the armed services. This is despite an honest effort by the US military to offer robust mental health treatment for their servicemen and women.

Service members can suffer from PTSD, violent outbursts, depression, anxiety, and much more. These issues, if left untreated, can often drive a wedge between couples.

Adultery

Whilst cheating on your partner is never acceptable, it is somewhat understandable for its common presence in military couples. With long bouts of loneliness, uncertainty, and doubt, a perfect recipe for adultery is made.

Studies have shown that any couple who spends a significant amount of time away from each other repeatedly, in the case of months to years, has a higher rate of adultery. This fact holds for military couples.

Exploring The Effects of Military Divorce on Children

A military divorce can have a wide range of lasting effects on your children. Many of these are typical for any divorce but often made worse by an absent deployed serviceman or woman. Let’s break down some of the most common effects, in a broad-stroke sense.

If you would like to read about these effects in more detail, you can read our detailed write-up, or check our blog for a variety of topics related to this complex subject.

Higher Rate of Mental Illness

Studies have shown that children of divorced parents exhibit higher rates of mental illness later in life. These mental illnesses can range from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and eating disorders, as well as a wide range of other conditions.

Within the context of a military divorce, your child will be feeling even further isolated from one of their parents. This loneliness, mixed with the confusion all children have about divorce, and the infrequent nature of one parent’s presence in the child’s life, is often identified as starting point for these issues.

Sudden Behavioral Shift

In the short term, your child will likely experience a foundational shift in their behavior. It is one of the most common effects of military divorce and can have lasting negative impacts on a child’s social skills, mental health, and more.

These effects include, but are not limited to:

Sudden destructive behavior,
Arguing,
Shouting, temper problems, or tantrums,
Lashing out physically,
Being quiet, not wanting to be around others,
Crying.

Housing Instability

One of the more unique effects that face children of military divorce is housing instability. Whilst one parent may be consistently home, a military partner will likely be away for months to years at a time. Servicemen and women are also highly likely to be deployed overseas, sometimes for a large portion of their military career.

For children, this will often feel like losing a parent completely. Unlike most other divorces, where both parents will be present in the child’s life, military divorces can force one parent to be absent from their child’s life for longer than is healthy.

Children will experience feelings of rejection, loneliness, and even resentment toward their more present parent.

Insomnia

For decades studies into insomnia have underlined the connection between children of divorce and insomnia later in life. Over half of insomnia patients express that their difficulty sleeping began when they were young. Brought on by intense stress, depression, anxiety, and overall, deep emotional turmoil.

Complimentary studies have also reflected that these emotional effects on children of military divorce are seen in much higher frequency, due to a range of lifestyle factors present in children of military servicemen and women.

In Conclusion

Anyone who suffers through a divorce or separation will indeed, to some degree, be going through a unique situation. However, that doesn’t mean that nothing can be learned from the countless examples that come before.

With the information outlined here today, covering the causes and effects of military divorce or separation, we hope you have a greater understanding of the struggles military marriages face and their children in the event of a divorce.

Never forget that there is support out there for you and your family. Don’t hesitate to reach out to those you trust.

17 February 202316 February 2023

Child Custody Evaluation: How Experts Determine the Best Interests of the Child

Roughly one in every three children will see their parent’s marriage fail.

Divorce is increasingly common and does leave an impact on kids that are directly involved. The biggest impact on a child is the custody arrangement as they may need to change their daily routines. This is why it’s so important to understand custody evaluations.

Custody evaluations are there to determine the best interest of a child. This evaluation takes a wide range of factors into consideration to help draft a solid parenting plan. This plan is designed with the child in mind, not the parents.

Want to learn more about child custody evaluations? Read on for what you need to know about the types of custody arrangements and how a decision is finalized.

Types of Child Custody Arrangements

There are a few unique custody arrangements that you should know about. These arrangements range from legal custody to joint custody where both parents share in daily responsibilities. Here’s a quick look at the various custody arrangements.

Legal Custody

Legal custody is full custody of your child. This kind of custody goes further than physical custody as the parent is able to make long-term decisions about the child’s well-being. This includes decisions about education, medical issues, and even living arrangements.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is full custody of a child without the ability to make long-term decisions. This means that you are in control of where the child lives along with the day-to-day activities. Major decisions like moving to another school or city will still need to be agreed upon by both parents.

Sole Custody

Sole custody is where one parent gets full custody of the child. This kind of custody arrangement is given to people with abusive partners or where safety can’t be guaranteed for the child. The safety and well-being of your child are always the main priorities.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is the most popular custody arrangement for divorced couples. This custody arrangement gives both parents the ability to have a say in the child’s future. Decisions for the child are the responsibility of both parents, including finalizing living arrangements.

In most cases, the child will stay with one parent during the week and with the other parent on weekends. However, the ultimate decision does lay with both parents.

Determining the Best Interest of a Child

There are a few major factors that come up when discussing child custody. At the end of the day, all of these factors are looked at to determine the best situation going forward. Here’s a quick look at these factors.

Child’s Age

Your child’s age is an incredibly influential factor. Young children require more care and attention than older kids. This means that judges are more inclined to give custody to the primary caregiver.

When it comes to older children, the court may take their personal wishes into consideration. As long as their decision does not contradict the other factors, the court is likely to side with the wishes of the child.

Consistency

Courts will always try to make the child’s life a priority. This includes keeping the child’s daily routine as consistent as possible. From living arrangements to school and external activities, the least number of changes the better.

Parental Ability

Parental ability is a major factor when deciding who gets custody. This ability includes providing the child with physical and emotional support. However, it also includes financial support such as shelter, food, medical care, and education.

This is not to say that the wealthier parent will always get custody. Instead, this requirement is just to make sure that the child will maintain their lifestyle with the parent that gets custody. This is to make sure that the child is not impacted by the transition.

Changing Routines

When it comes to making a custody agreement, the judge will try to limit the changes that impact the child’s daily life. This means that the child’s typical routine is taken into consideration to determine where they should stay.

General Safety

The general safety of your child will always be taken into consideration in family court. If there’s any indication that your child may not be safe with one parent, the judge will take all necessary steps to ensure the child’s safety. This could be denying custody to that parent or setting limitations for the custody agreement.

Creating a Parenting Plan

Creating a parenting plan is essential to help you co-parent successfully. This plan should include time for family activities with both parents. However, this is still dependent on the custody arrangement that has been agreed on.

The best way to manage your parenting plan is to have a shared calendar. This calendar can help plan activities and schedule when your child will visit each parent. Cloud-based calendars are the best option as both parents will be able to contribute to your child’s schedule.

This is also great to help inform both parents of any changes so that they can prepare in advance.

Let 2houses Help with Your Parenting Plan

As parents, you want to give your child the best foundation possible. Even though a divorce can cause some disruptions, a solid parenting plan can ensure that your child is taken care of properly. Whether you have shared custody or weekend visiting rights, it’s important to have a solid plan so that there’s no confusion for your child.

2houses offers convenient, comprehensive tools to help you create and manage your parenting plan. The platform lets you create a simple, cloud-based calendar along with messaging and financial tools. Learn more and start your free trial today.

16 February 2023

Parenting Plan: How to Create a Workable Schedule After Divorce

Joint custody is more common today than ever before, but that doesn’t always make it easy to set up. After a separation or divorce, figuring out how to co-parent your kids can be much harder than you’d imagine.

If you’re like most divorced parents, one of your most pressing questions is “How do we create a parenting plan for our family?” Juggling work schedules, extracurricular activities, visits to grandparents, and more can feel impossible.

Fortunately, there’s a lot you can do to rein in the chaos. Let’s take a look at a few insights on creating a calendar that works for your whole family.

Tips Before Starting

Whether you’re just filing for divorce or you’ve been co-parenting for years, make sure to start on the right foot.

Keep the Kids in Mind

This tip may sound obvious, but it’s important.

Co-parenting means setting feelings of hurt aside to focus on what’s best for your kids. Strong emotions can make this hard, but don’t forget that your kids’ stability and happiness come first.

Avoid using your kids as messengers during your discussions about your calendar. You and your co-parent need to be able to speak directly. Aim to address each other with respect, to compromise, and to seek counseling or mediation if needed.

Work as a Team

Though we won’t get too far into this topic here, now is also a good time to discuss the consistency between houses.

What rules will you set up for curfews and other scheduling concerns? What types of privileges, restrictions, and discipline will you use?

Making sure your kids know what to expect from both parents can create a sense of stability.

Types of Joint Custody Schedules

Depending on your family’s needs, there are a few different joint custody schedules you can choose from.

Alternating Weeks

The most common option is a weekly parenting schedule. This involves allowing kids to switch from home to home on alternating weeks. Often, the transition between homes is easiest over the weekend.

Some families adapt this schedule by adding visits or overnight stays in the middle of the week. This can help ensure that kids get to see each parent at least once per week, and it can also allow kids to attend certain extracurriculars.

Weekend Schedule

The weekend schedule, also called a 5-2 schedule, means that one parent gets the kids each weekday while the other gets them on weekends. This is ideal for parents who prefer a set schedule, though it often means the parent with weekend custody gets more downtime with the kids.

Mid-Week Rotations

There are many different types of rotating schedules that offer more contact with both parents during the week. However, these schedules can sometimes make it trickier for kids to stick to an extracurricular schedule.

In a 2-2-3 rotation, for example, kids spend two days with one parent, two days with another, and three days back with the first. The schedule allows parents to swap the three-day weekend between households.

Other schedules include 3-3-4-4 rotations and 2-2-5-5 rotations. Some families also alternate between either two- or three-day rotations.

Brainstorming Your Post-Divorce Schedule

Co-parenting schedules will always look different from family to family. After all, just as every family is different, so is every child within that family. When you and your ex consider your new schedule, make sure you’re thinking about every detail that makes your family unique.

At this point, it helps to have your calendars, special dates, and other scheduling details in front of you.

Here are a few things you’ll want to consider while you brainstorm:

The ages of your children
Any special needs your children have
The types of child custody each parent has
The arrival and dismissal times for each child’s school
Each child’s extracurricular schedule
Each parent’s work schedule
Holidays, religious celebrations, and school breaks
Third-party visits, such as weeks with grandparents or relatives
The travel time between both households
The financial situation of each household
Each child’s medical needs

Talking to your child or children is helpful as well. When the situation allows, let them make choices about when they move homes and where they stay.

It’s also a good idea to avoid a few key things. For example, try not to make your transition times unreasonable when possible. Early morning or late night transitions can be hard on kids.

Though it can’t always be helped, try not to make your kids move between households too often in a single week. This is especially true for small children, who often need more stability.

Creating a Visual Calendar

Once you’ve brainstormed the type of plan you want and the specific scheduling for your family, creating a calendar can help. This makes it easier for everyone to see where kids should be at all times.

Ideally, your co-parenting calendar information should be online and interactive. This makes it easy to stay organized and see your schedule at a glance on the go.

Tweaking Your Post-Separation Schedule

Keep in mind that no schedule should be set in stone. It’s important, especially in the beginning, to make sure that your calendar is meeting your kids’ needs.

As you start using your schedule, take note of any issues that arise. Be careful not to assign blame for these issues while everyone adjusts to the calendar.

Common issues include missed pickups, events that run longer than expected, and scheduling conflicts. You should also get a feel for your children’s behavior and their reactions to the new calendar.

If any issues seem to be more than a one-off mistake, don’t be afraid to tweak your calendar.

If you happen to be using our parenting schedules, note that they can help you send messages and make change requests online. This can help parents adjust their schedules and find alternative dates fast.

Insights From Our Family to Yours

Here at 2houses, we know how stressful it can be to manage custody after a separation or divorce. That’s why we work to offer helpful tips and resources to parents who want the best for their kids.

Our online calendar is a great tool for any parent who needs a little help getting organized. Setting schedules, sending messages, and managing changes is a breeze through our simple interface. To try it for yourself, start your 14-day free trial now!