Feelings, Relationships, and Pregnancy: Dealing with Breakup While Pregnant

A Breakup When You’re Pregnant

Overcoming a breakup is challenging no matter what the circumstances are. But when you’re pregnant things become a whole lot more complicated. However, that does not mean they are impossible to manage. Even though it might feel like the world is crumbling before your eyes, this shift in trajectory might be what is best for you and your child in the long run.

Women have been birthing and raising children since the dawn of time. And many of them have triumphantly done so without the support of a biological father.

That said, it’s important to remember that whatever your emotional response to this is, it’s okay.

Managing a breakup while pregnant is a tough challenge to accept. But you can emerge from this situation stronger, happier, and more yourself than ever before.

Feeling Overwhelmed Is Natural

If you’ve found yourself in this position, chances are you are feeling overwhelmed and possibly even scared. Both of these reactions are completely understandable and natural.

Before the breakup, you probably had an expectation about how your pregnancy experience would be. Now, those expectations have not come to fruition, and co-parenting and custody are an unexpected part of your future. Dashed expectations are always difficult to handle, especially if there is a long-term emotional investment involved.

Being pregnant is probably one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences a human can have. So, it’s important to maintain a sense of compassion for how you’re naturally responding to the situation.

An Opportunity To Revisit Your Relationship With Yourself

Even though it probably doesn’t feel like it, this change in plans could give rise to a renewed sense of intimacy and understanding of yourself. 

Many women report gaining mental and emotional clarity when pregnant, saying it allows them to see the world in ways that maybe they were afraid of before. Being away from your partner can give you the opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that you’ve forgotten, or suppressed.

This time could represent a moment of clarity for you to look inward and process your position in life without the distraction (and in some cases, the suffocation) of a serious relationship.

Now is the time to embrace all aspects of who you are—your past, your present, and your future, in whatever ways it may unfold.

There’s no point in pretending that dealing with a breakup while pregnant is easy. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a catalyst for other changes in your life that you may have been putting off for a while.

Ways To Cope

While holding space for the emotional and mental responses that are currently going on inside of you, it’s also important to focus on practical solutions.

Having a game plan for dealing and coping with the pregnancy will add structure to your life. Plus, it will enable you to tackle each challenge with more confidence.

Seeking guidance from others, reaching out for support, and finding constructive ways to cope with stress or anxiety are going to be your primary objectives over the next few months.

With the right approach, you and every other woman in this position can break through the inevitable struggles. You can create a life for you and your baby that is even better than you could have imagined alongside your ex.

Give yourself time to grieve

Grief is a normal response to any breakup, especially in your adult life. You’ve probably spent years investing time and energy into your past relationship. Now that it has come to an end, you are grieving all that was lost.

Grief can manifest in a variety of ways, and it is usually different for each person. Your experience with grief will not necessarily be the same as anyone else’s. You need to give yourself room to meet those feelings, no matter what they look like.

Crying, laughing, sleeping, or baking (yes, stress-baking is not an uncommon occurrence) are just some of the things you might feel compelled to do while processing grief.

Allow yourself the time and space necessary to process your grief in whatever ways feel natural. Freely and unapologetically holding space for your grief is the most effective way to process it.

Choose not to dwell on the past

When life hits you out of nowhere, it can be easy to want to relive the past. However, romanticizing and fixating on the past can prevent us from being fully present. With a new child on the way, being present is critical for their support.

In order to effectively manage your situation, you will need to show up for yourself and your future child in ways that can initially feel scary and daunting.

Looking at photographs of you and your ex, going through their old belongings—these are both things that feel tempting and comforting at the time. But often, they only result in more pain. Try to be strong in those moments and resist the urge to dwell on the past.

Lean on friends and family for support

This is not the time to feel shy about asking for help and support. Friends, family, neighbors, and loved ones of all kinds want to be there for you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for support when things get tough, or even when you just need someone to talk to.

Anyone in your life who knows you and loves you almost certainly wants to help you get through this. You don’t need to feel guilty about needing support. It’s completely reasonable for you to lean on others during this time of confusion.

If somebody you trust offers to help you (whether it is financially, emotionally, domestically or otherwise), have the courage to take them up on that offer. You deserve to feel supported. Don’t be shy to speak up and vocalize your needs to those who care.

Try to make peace with your situation

There’s no point in fighting the reality of your situation. Even though it might take some time, and that is completely acceptable, making peace with how things have unfolded is the best way to take back charge over your life.

Making peace with your situation is not something that will happen overnight. It will probably come alongside a lifelong journey of self-acceptance.

You might be feeling angry, hurt, and ready to blame your ex for every hardship you are experiencing. However, those feelings can become destructive when left unchecked.

Where possible, try to make amends with your ex. If that’s not an option, aim to make amends with yourself.

The breakup has already happened, now you get to choose how you respond to your newfound independence. Will it be with peace and acceptance or anger and regret? Guess which one will be easier in the long run.

Find constructive ways to manage your stress levels

Everyone needs to know what their stress triggers are and how to manage their responses. In your position, it’s only natural to anticipate some stress and anxiety from time to time.

Rather than allowing this notion to send your head spinning, focus instead on constructive methods of stress management that you know you can rely on in times of distress. Having a plan of action for when things feel overwhelming will make you feel stronger and more prepared for life.

A walk in nature, calming breathing exercises, or watching your favorite movie with a friend can all help to reduce your stress levels. Make sure you have a list of feel-good activities prepped and ready to go when you need some comfort and grounding.

Focus on supporting your baby and your body

The perfect place to funnel your attention is sitting right under your nose—in your womb, to be exact. The admin involved in a serious breakup may be distracting. But the best place to invest your time and energy right now is directly towards your baby and the body that grows them.

Now is the time to pour all of your love, attention, and energy into the health and wellbeing of both your own body and state of mind, and that of your unborn child.

Focusing on keeping your body strong, happy, and nourished will mean that, in turn, your baby’s body is strong, happy, and nourished. Shower yourself and your baby in love through the forms of good food, gentle exercise, community bonding, and preparation for birth.

Remember that you are not alone

Even though it might feel at times like this is the worst thing that could have happened, it can be soothing to remember that this is an experience you share with millions of other women throughout the ages.

Remember that you are not alone. Not just in the sense that there are people around you who love and care for you. But also in the sense that you are certainly not the first woman to go through this process— and come out the other end happier and more fulfilled than ever before.

Yes, this is a huge change of direction for your life and your child’s life. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how this experience will unfold. You are going to get through this!

The Importance of Reinventing Your Home After Divorce

Your Home After Divorce

No matter how smoothly and cordially the process goes, divorce is nearly always a heartbreaking struggle. Chances are you have entered the marriage expecting to spend the rest of your life with that partner, even building a home together you can call your own. But since small parts of both of you are likely scattered through that home, reinventing it after divorce can be of great help. It is a productive and healthy way to deal with your emotions and overcome this turbulent period, and here is how you could do just that:

Start by redecorating the bedroom

Your bedroom is likely the one area of your home that reminds you of your ex partner the most. Not only was this a space you decorated together, filling it with certain items that were important to you as a couple, but it was also the place where you were the most intimate, both physically and emotionally.

That is why redecorating your bedroom first is so important, giving you the opportunity to let go of any painful reminders, bitter memories, and anything else that might be holding you back. If you don’t have enough time or money for a full bedroom makeover, keep in mind that even small investments like new bedding and curtains could transform the look of your space and help you feel that much happier.

Attempt to declutter your home

Reminders aren’t only in your bedroom and wardrobe; they can likely be found all around your home. For that reason, decluttering each room can turn out to be quite a liberating experience, allowing you to clean out your space, minimize mess, and let go of any items that remind you of your ex partner.

From their clothes to the wedding gifts you received, consider everything when decluttering your home. You might wish to keep certain items for their practicality or as a nice keepsake of the time you spent together. When it comes to the things you want to remove from your home, it’s recommended to pack them in separate boxes and ask your ex partner if they would like to keep them, in case you are on good terms.

Repaint the walls for brightness

While we often overlook colors, they can have quite a powerful impact on our overall mood. Feelings of discouragement, sadness, and a loss of confidence are all completely normal after divorce, but painting your home in appropriate colors can help to bring back some positivity and optimism you might need.

As colors can affect our emotions, aim for uplifting or relaxing shades. For instance, a soothing blue or calming green can be great hues for creating a relaxing atmosphere, while brighter yellow and orange shades could uplift, energize, and inspire. No matter which color you choose, a fresh coat of pain is bound to transform your space, as well as your state of mind.

Incorporate rugs for warmth

In case you need more comfort and warmth in your space, on the other hand, rugs are the perfect solution. They can easily be incorporated into any room, add more layers and dimension, and tie the whole interior design together, all while giving you that snug and cozy feeling that helps to make a house a home, even if it is now changed.

Consider including stunning berber rugs into your decor when reinventing your home. These rugs are simple and neutral enough to effortlessly complement and elevate any design, while still being soft, fluffy, and warm enough to increase the comfort levels in your space and make you feel happier in your home.

Find your unique design style

Living with another person typically means decorating your home together and finding a design style that suits both of your preferences. But after the divorce, there will no longer be a need for compromise. You will have the freedom to find your own interior style and focus only on what you like and enjoy.

From minimalist spaces that promote peace and relaxation to nature-inspired designs that inspire tranquility, there are a number of different interior design styles you could opt for. The important thing is to choose something you absolutely love, in order to make the home look and feel truly your own.

Include your favorite pieces

Once you’ve found your preferred interior style, you can begin filing your home with pieces that really speak to you. Instead of sleeping in the same bed you’ve shared with your ex partner or allowing their favorite chair to take center stage, don’t be afraid to invest in furniture pieces you truly love.

Then, aim to make those items the focal point of each room, whether that means incorporating a stunning new couch into the living room or a beautiful antique dresser in the bedroom. Apart from helping you to reinvent your space, new furniture items as focal points will also make your home feel more like you.

Use decorations for personality

When redesigning your home after divorce, it’s also important to express yourself through the decor and give it that missing personal touch. Along with new furniture, this also means choosing smaller decor items that speak to you on a personal level and make you feel as if your home is only yours, and not shared with another person.

For example, you can choose large art pieces that inspire you and hang them on accent walls, or even make a gallery wall filled with your favorite photographs of your friends and family. Similarly, you could fill up your shells with attractive vases, books you love, and personal memorabilia, or anything else that makes you feel happy and content when you look at it.

Turn to nature for peacefulness

After the whirlwind of emotions we tend to feel when going through divorce, sometimes all we truly need is to focus on ourselves and our well-being. Plants and greenery can be of great help in this regard, bringing some natural peacefulness and serenity into your home, while effortlessly embellishing it with its beautiful shades as well.

What’s more, plants could also lift your mood and provide your home with cleaner air, thus allowing you to create a healthier and more pleasant space. Whether you go for small succulents, large potted houseplants, or even hanging planters and table arrangements, plants are bound to improve your home in any form.

Evidently, redecorating your home after divorce is quite an important part of the entire healing process. As long as you take it one step at a time, focus on what matters to you the most, and make an effort to create a beautiful space of your own, you can freely embark on a journey throughout the following chapters of your life.

How to Improve Your Sleep after Divorce Stress

After divorce stress can disrupt your sleep and endanger your overall health. Therefore it’s important to calm your mind and have a good quality sleep.

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale that studies how much stress affects health placed divorce in the second place — the first being taken by the “death of spouse” event. Also known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, this tool consists of 43 events deemed stressful enough to cause illness and mental health issues. But why is divorce so gravely stressful?

The Attachment Theory has some answers for this. Developed by a British psychiatrist John Bowlby and further enhanced by his colleague, Mary Ainsworth, this theory was firstly about the child-parent relationship. However, in the ’80s, Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver expanded the theory to include adult romantic relationships as an attachment process, implying strong psychological and emotional bonds between partners.  

End of relationship and stress

Divorce is emotionally challenging and no matter how maturely the couple deals with this event, it can still be quite stressful. After the divorce, the partners separate from each other, change their lifestyle and habits, move to another place, and continue forward without sharing responsibilities with the other person. It also can affect other relationships in their lives, like with their children, family, friends, and colleagues.

The most stressful of all is grief. Defined as an agonizing loss that overwhelms a person, grief is the reaction to the divorce. Grief can be experienced by both partners, it doesn’t matter who left who. The American Institute of Stress sees grief as psychological trauma and a person needs to have a period of mourning to heal. During this time, a person is in distress and suffers from various conditions because of it, like difficulty sleeping.

Sleep problems after divorce

Losing sleep after a divorce is common, but that makes it far from okay. Sleep is necessary to store memory, boost immunity, repair damage inside the body, and regenerate cells. It’s one of the most important processes that happen in human life, so when it’s disrupted, a person suffers consequences.

Nights are the trickiest time of day after a stressful event, but losing a loved one makes it even harder. You look at that extra space in bed and feel alone, abandoned, and broken, trying to find answers to why is this happening to you and what have you done wrong. If finally, you do fall asleep, your dreams are troubling or you wake up every few minutes, reminded of your predicament.

Ways to improve sleep after divorce

However horrifying it may seem, there is a way out from this situation. It won’t be easy and it may take time, but taking control of your sleep habits is a path to being alright. Here is what you can do to improve sleep after divorce stress and overcome this difficult time.

Seek counseling

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is always a good idea, especially after something as hard as divorce. It helps you to recognize the problems and deal with them so they don’t negatively affect your life anymore. Look for therapists who are specialized to deal with sleep disorders and divorce, since they may have more experience on the matter.

However, remember that this won’t bring resolution overnight. You have to find a therapist that makes you comfortable to open up and talk about the deepest issues. Once you do, you need to make an effort to listen to their advice and be willing to go through uncomfortable stages to be comfortable in your life again.

Take natural sleep aids

A therapist can prescribe you medicines to help you fall asleep or treat depression, anxiety, and any other psychological effect of divorce. If you are still deciding whether to go to a therapist, you can try natural sleep aids. Herbal teas are a common go-to option since some herbs both have a calming and sleeping effect, like chamomile. Lavender and mint are also famous for their relaxing properties, so you can add them to your teapot as well.

Those who are not fans of tea can try drops or tablets made from valerian, hops, and other soothing herbs, or lavender pillow spray. Aromatherapy with scented candles and essential oils has been known to help fall asleep. You can use essential oils in a warm bath or a diffuser but stay away from refreshing scents, like citruses, since they can keep you awake.

People having trouble falling asleep also take melatonin supplements which is a hormone naturally released in the body that controls the sleep-wake cycle. In a man-made variant, you can take it as a pill every night before bed for a short time, although it’s best to consult with your physician first.    

Buy new bedding

Take all the bedding you shared with your partner, throw them away or donate them, and go buy yourself new ones! Getting completely new pillowcases and bed linen is part of your fresh start to go forward and leave the past behind. Even pillows and covers have to go if you are uncomfortable using them.

In case the bed is a problem, you should replace it as well. The key is to remove the space you shared with someone and create a personal space that is your own. That way, you won’t look at their side of a bed as a loss, but you will have the whole bed for yourself. 

Keep the room dark

Being alone in a dark room may seem like the last thing you need when in emotional distress, but it’s one of the best ways to fall asleep. You can have a cup of chamomile tea before bed and use a sleep sound machine when you turn off the lights to help. When there is no light, the body interprets it as a sign it’s time to sleep.

For this reason, having electronic devices that emit light in your bedroom is also not a good idea. If you do have to keep your phone inside the room, avoid putting it on the nightstand and cover your eyes with a sleeping mask. Moreover, no TV, smartphone, or any other screen at least two hours before bed will minimize your exposure to blue light that can interfere with the sleep-wake cycle. 

Have a bedroom makeover

Since divorce is a life-changing event, you should go with the flow and change your environment. If moving to a new home is not an option, go for the easier one — a makeover. To get yourself going, start with something small like redecorating your bedroom so you don’t tire yourself and give up quickly. Throw out old furniture or have it redone, put new paint on the walls, add some wallpapers, hang new curtains, and spread a new carpet.

What once was a couple’s territory, now is only yours and you should let your creativity and personal desires define your bedroom décor. While at it, declutter memorabilia on your relationship, like a wedding album, photos, gifts, and other things you share with your partner.    

Practice meditation and breathing techniques

Meditating is commonly used to de-stress and focus on the present. It relaxes the body and mind, helping you calm down and fall asleep. According to a 2015 study, meditation and practicing mindfulness can improve sleep quality by evoking a relaxation response. An important part of meditation is proper breathing, something you can try when you have difficulty falling asleep.

A breathing technique known as 4-7-8 is often recommended by therapists. It involves breathing in through your nose until you count to 4, holding your breath until 7, and breathing out slowly while counting to 8. Repeat this a few times and count as quickly as necessary to comfortably breathe during this exercise. Soon enough you will start feeling sleepy.   

Stay away from caffeine or alcohol before bed

Caffeine is a substance found in coffee and some types of tea that is excellent to stay awake. That said, you shouldn’t drink any of these beverages before bed, except for caffeine-free teas. Unfortunately, these are not only drinks that contain caffeine since energy and some fizzy juices are full of it.

Embracing A Healthy Lifestyle After a Divorce

Woman who is running

Going through a divorce feels like the ultimate failure for many people. The mere idea that their Till death do us part turned into Till the road gets rocky can become beyond devastating. However, even when your pain becomes unbearable, you must find the strength to move on and think about your health. Physical, mental and emotional health tend to be affected the most, which is why we have prepared several tips to help you go through this hardship with more ease.

Work out regularly

Keeping your spirit up is vital for your mental and overall health. Blowing off steam by looking for an anger outlet will be highly beneficial for you. Once the grieving period ends, it’s highly likely you’ll feel angry. That’s why you should think about fitness activities that can help you break a sweat and not think about your current situation. Running, boxing and dancing are just some of the exercises that will boost your blood flow and adrenaline while allowing you to clear your head.

Find time to be alone

In time of need, friends and family will want to be around you to lessen the blow of divorce as much as possible. However, while that support always means a lot, you’ll need time for yourself. Those moments when you’re alone with a glass of wine and your favourite music on the radio will offer peace and indulging. A spa ritual with your favourite skincare products, a scented candle and a soaking bath will help you find balance and replenish your spirit. Whether it’s time to knit, paint, or work on some other hobby, as long as you have some time for yourself during the week, you’ll feel much better soon.

Maintain a balanced diet

A loss of appetite is common for people going through a divorce. Not eating enough or skipping healthy food will eventually weaken your immune system. The last thing you need is to get sick so having a balanced diet is vital for you. Having raw cashews on a side of breakfast will keep you energised throughout the day. Feel free to have them as a snack around midday when you feel peckish but not enough to have a full meal. Fill your diet with fruits and veggies, lean meat and dairy. You’ll need all the protein, calcium and minerals to keep a clear head and balanced weight.

Stay in touch with friends

Many people tend to isolate themselves from their friends when they are going through a painful period in their lives. You shouldn’t be one of those people. Your friends will always be there to listen and comfort you. Hearing their opinion will give you many more options to think about and pull you out of your misery. Furthermore, spending time with friends will take your mind off the divorce and make you joyful again. So, why not throw dinner at your home and have a nice little gathering? Go to the cinema, walk, shop and live your life as you usually would.

Don’t neglect your mental health

Have you ever talked to a therapist about your problems? Do you know anyone who’s been struggling with their thoughts and decided to ask for professional help? Even if you don’t, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek out help. Sometimes friends and family can’t offer us the needed comfort and guidance to help us go through a divorce with a positive mindset. That’s the time when you should talk to a therapist and relieve your pain through a conversation.

Regulate your sleeping patterns

Regular sleeping helps our bodies rest and recharge for the following day. That’s why you’ll need to make sure that your sleeping patterns are not disturbed. Once you notice that you’re having difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep throughout the night, consider changing your bedtime routine. Aside from that, enrich your diet with foods that contain high levels of magnesium, such as soy milk, beans, cereal, nuts, and spinach. Feel free to take melatonin supplements to keep your Circadian rhythm in check.

Go outside and breathe

Sometimes, all you need to do to feel at peace with yourself is go outside and breathe. Connect with nature again to feel destressed. Whether you decide to have a picnic in the park, walk by the beach, cycle next to the river or hike up the mountains, feeling close to nature and enjoying the fresh air will bring the necessary clarity and help you forget about your hardship. It will bring you a newfound respect for life and ever-needed calmness.

Divorcing your spouse will never be easy. No matter how difficult the last couple of months have been for you, you’ll always remember the beautiful times you’ve shared together and how much you used to love each other. That’s why divorce will always feel like a defeat. Nevertheless, you must find the strength to move forward and do everything in your power to stay strong and healthy. Tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities and a potential love interest that will forever change you and make your life better than ever before.

Divorce Need Not be Destructive–Here’s Why

divorce with children

It’s a familiar pain to many of us. In fact, over 746,000 couples get divorced every year, many of whom have children who will likely remember the process forever.

Fortunately, that doesn’t have to be a negative memory, and there’s a lot you can do to make sure of that. Let’s talk about how to achieve the best results of divorce with children.

Effects of Divorce With Children

It is no secret that divorce is associated with a negative impact on children. Well, the point of this article is to explain that it doesn’t have to have a negative impact.

However, children who experience a divorce often acquire unintended psychological or physiological side effects such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trust issues
  • Aggression
  • Social issues
  • Insecurity
  • Feelings of guilt
  • Emotional sensitivity
  • Health problems

The list goes on, and can even include developmental delays. There are also many common effects on children’s daily lives, including poor academic performance and impulsive behavior. These symptoms are unique to the child, the child’s age, and the circumstances surrounding the divorce. 

Fortunately, parents have some control over these circumstances. The more hostility, anger, or negative emotions involved in the process, the worse the effects will be. Limiting these 

What Causes A Destructive Divorce?

While there are thousands of possible answers to this question, there are some common themes in divorces that cause unnecessary tension. Here are a few examples.

Financial Disparity

If a child goes to one parent’s house and finds it far more comfortable and feels crowded in the other, this will ultimately lead to problems such as resentment. Because of this, child support is necessary for maintaining a more consistent living standard for the child.

Although, co-parenting is far more expensive when parents are paying for two houses and the resources that come with them. It’s unlikely that both parents earn the same income, and we didn’t even mention the average cost of divorce. We strongly encourage parents to come to terms beyond a simple court decision to ensure the best life for the child.


If parents live two streets away, it becomes easy for children to quickly travel between and communicate with each parent. However, if one parent lives in North Carolina and the other in Massachusetts, this does nothing but harm the child’s development.

In certain cases, a child is forced to adapt between living situations every week, every other week, or every month with limited contact with the other parent in the meantime. All this does is remove the child’s sense of grounding and create a host of logistical issues.

Not Taking the Child Into Consideration

Particularly, making the divorce about yourselves as parents is one of the worst ways to handle a divorce.

Most parents would be horrified to imagine that their actions are harming their child in some way. However, it takes a special type of parent to consider their child’s needs and emotions during a high-stress period such as divorce. It is a lot easier to be wrapped up in your issues.

Nevertheless, when parents neglect the needs of their children during such a period, the child will suffer unnecessarily. Parents going through a divorce should both agree to prioritize the needs of the child and work as a team to help them. This is true no matter how parents feel toward one another.

Consequently, parents need to collectively think about their actions, words, and moods when around their children.

How To Be an Effective Parent During a Divorce

Effective parenting requires teamwork and a genuine desire to help your child. If you feel that you or the other parent can’t handle this, then a conversation must take place to establish guidelines and boundaries. When both parents read the same co-parenting guide and work to meet their child’s needs, it works out best for everyone.

Be Honest

Honesty is important in any relationship, especially in a situation like divorce. You can spare your child the details of any complications involving the divorce or anything else, but try your best to maintain and earn your child’s trust.

When you initially choose to talk to your child about the divorce, be mindful of your tone, teamwork, and timing.

For example, have you talked to the other parent about having this conversation? Will they be included? Is your child already dealing with problems at school? How will I break the news to them? These are important questions to ask before having the talk.

Also, don’t toy with their emotions. If the decision to get divorced is final, then it’s not okay to get a child’s hopes up by implying that this is temporary or that things may change in the future. If you don’t believe it, don’t let your child believe it.

Finally, be honest with their other parent. Lying to, or withholding information from, anybody in this situation will only harm trust and make the situation more tense than it needs to be.

Be Present

Your child needs to know that they still have their parents, now more than ever. It is important that you are there to answer any questions, lend an ear, or assist with your child’s needs as they come.

Remember, the process of the divorce isn’t the only time when co-parenting is necessary. The need for co-parenting continues on into adulthood after the divorce is finalized.

Because of this, it’s important to think of parenting as a marathon, not a sprint. Figuring out short-term logistics and solutions is part of your job as a parent, but it doesn’t stop there.

Maintain a presence with your child and their other parent, especially in the early stages of the divorce. Make it known that you are available and that you intend to be for the long haul. They need that reassurance.

Communicate Effectively

You don’t have to try to reconcile or improve your intimate relations with one another, but when there is a child involved, you will still need to learn how to communicate. If all communication is done through third parties like lawyers or friends, then you won’t get anywhere. Also, that “third party” should never be your child.

Instead, parents should arrange an agreement to meet and discuss matters related to their child without hostility regularly. Parenting is an ongoing process, and both parties need to remain updated and consistent to be the most effective.

Particularly, you should have routine discussions and remain in contact through texts or calls related to your child’s wellbeing.

Consequently, effective communication should also involve the child. When big changes are approaching, talk to your child ahead of time and let them know the details. Try your best to ensure them that everything will be okay.

Have Good Intentions

We could offer an entire article about the importance of good intentions in divorce. As a parent, you play a major role in setting the tone of the future dynamics. If what you do is with always good intentions, you will usually receive the same respect.

Good intentions should be used across the board. Here’s how.With Your Child

When you communicate with your child or their other parent, good intentions go a long way. The worst thing a parent can do to a child who is already struggling during a divorce is to try to put them in the middle, further change their worldview, or manipulate them.

For example, children should never be led to believe there is a “good guy” or a “bad guy” in a divorce. If you don’t have anything positive to say, it’s better to not say anything at all. Try to use a positive tone when talking to, or about, their other parent.

Moreover, always have the purest of intentions when interacting with your child. It is perfectly okay to feel stressed or angry during a difficult period of your life, but you do not need to put that onto your child. If you are about to say something negative, stop and ask yourself why you are saying it.

Also, if the other parent is seeing someone new, bad-mouthing them is never appropriate. You can’t control how much time that child will spend with that person in the future, so setting the tone for a negative experience serves nobody.With Your Ex

Conversely, if you discover that your separated partner has been mistreating your child in such a way, it won’t help to yell at them or lecture them about it. This will only increase the hostility of the divorce, which your child will sense.

Instead, ask them to sit down and talk about your child’s needs and bring up your concern in a productive, benevolent way. If you say “you’re a manipulative person”, you will only create a hostile environment.

However, if you say “Our child told me that you said this, and I wanted to bring it up with you. I understand tensions are high, but I don’t believe this is helpful to our child’s wellbeing.” Even if this is received poorly at first, this should be a productive way to raise concerns, which is an important part of communication and effective parenting.In Court

The same applies during the actual divorce. If there is something you really want out of the divorce, ask yourself if it is because you truly believe it is fair. If it’s something you believe is right and just, then it’s okay to fight for it.

However, if you are doing something purely out of spite or with the wrong intentions, they will be perceived that way. It’s one thing to claim that you’re doing things in the best interest of everybody involved, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually consider others’ best interests. Either way, it won’t go unnoticed.

Don’t Overcompensate

A common ambition of parents during a divorce is to try to spoil your children into feeling better or “liking you more”. Not only is this not a good long-term strategy, but it will likely lead to unnecessary conflict.

Again, always question your own intentions before making decisions. However, this is often done unconsciously or with the sole desire of making the child feel better.

Nevertheless, you are still a parent and still one of the primary adults in the child’s life. For the sake of their development, you still need to act like a parent and try to provide them with the best childhood that you can.

It is perfectly okay to take your child out for ice cream and to have fun with them. However, showering them with unnecessary gifts and rewards because of your own guilt won’t help them, even if it feels right in the moment.

Instead, try to be present, honest, and genuine with your child at all times. That is what they need.

Take Care Of Yourself

Lastly, your child needs healthy parents. During your time alone, it’s important to ensure that you are remaining safe and healthy. There are many learning curves that come with divorce, like how to handle living alone.

We discussed a lot about taking care of your child, which is likely your top priority. However, that doesn’t mean you should sacrifice taking care of yourself.

Don’t Give Up!

Listen, divorce with children inevitably comes with bumps in the road. How you handle those bumps will determine how your child looks back at a large portion of their childhood. If you take anything away from this, always have the best of intentions for your child and try to work as a team. If you want to learn more about co-parenting, stay up to date with our latest news and contact us with any questions!

Eight Tips to Help You Deal With Mixed Emotions After Divorce

mixed emotions after divorce

Divorce can happen for many reasons but no matter the cause, everyone struggles to deal with the emotions of separation.

Did you know that the most common cause of divorce is a lack of commitment

Even if you ended things naturally, there are still a lot of mixed emotions that come with getting a divorce and moving on from an ex-partner. You can feel sad, angry, confused, irritable, or even experience mental health problems.

The first step after divorce is coming to terms with what has happened. However, in order to do that, you need the right support network and tools.

Thankfully, you won’t need to look very far to find some advice and tips to help you come to terms with your divorce and build a new future. This article will give you everything you need.

Why Divorce Is Emotionally Challenging

It is no wonder that after divorce you are confronted with new challenges. That being said, emotions after divorce are not something you can prepare for. No one expects that when they get married they will separate.

But, it happens and many people are left alone trying to navigate their way around their new life. It is important to understand why you might be feeling uncertain, sad, or confused about what has happened. 

So, why is divorce emotionally challenging? 

Let’s start with the fact that you have just lost someone you loved. 

Letting Go

Love is a profound feeling and it sneaks upon us in the most unexpected ways. When you marry someone, you do not only move in together and set up a home, you merge two lives together and share everything. 

Your partner becomes your whole world, and then, suddenly, they are gone. And, the person you loved leaves an empty space behind. 

The feeling is similar to when you lose any loved one, no matter if that is a spouse, parent, or child. The pain and grief are the same. Sometimes, you will look back on the relationship with fondness.

Other times, you will feel angry and want to withdraw from everyone around you. All of these feelings are perfectly normal. 

Broken Family

Coping with divorce is hard enough between two partners, but most of the time, people who divorce also have children. Therefore, the separation is not just between a couple, but it ends in a broken family. 

Every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy, and they want to give them the best life possible. However, many parents feel guilty for not making their marriage work and therefore put the blame on themselves. 

This is particularly difficult when the children are young and cannot understand exactly what has happened. This can cause other problems for children adjusting to the new family system.

All you can do is help your child with the transition and talk to them openly about dealing with emotions after divorce. 

Unfulfilled Dreams

Popular culture such as movies, songs, and books convey love as an idealistic, magical experience.

Of course, that is true. It is a marvelous feeling to fall in love. Although, anyone who has fallen in love knows that in reality, being in a marriage is difficult. It requires two people to be open-minded and considerate. 

As well as mixed emotions after divorce, people are confronted with the fact that their dream life, dream person, and dream future has been changed. 

Plus, you need to think about how your future will turn out, make decisions for yourself, and get used to being alone for the first time, in possibly a long time. 

Now you might be wondering, how to cope with divorce, what you can do, and how to build a life after divorce.

Eight Tips to Help You Heal After Divorce

Learning how to cope with divorce is a complicated and intense process. You might be wondering how to split finances, organize co-parenting, and also how to manage your own emotions. 

In order for you to be there for your family and build a new life for yourself, you will need to prioritize looking after yourself. You will need to take time to process the divorce so you can move on fully. 

1) Be Gentle to Yourself

A breakup is tough emotionally, but a divorce is even harder. You might have been with someone for years, or maybe months, but the effects of getting divorced take a long time to get over. 

Instead of trying to ignore your feelings, pushing on with life, or repressing difficult emotions, you need to learn to be gentle to yourself. You need to allow yourself time to feel all the different emotions. 

Self-care and being compassionate to yourself is essential for coping with life after divorce, and it will help you handle all the other obstacles that come with it.  

2) Don’t Rush

As mentioned before, losing a loved one through a divorce means you’ll have to give yourself time to experience the grief. Divorce marks an end of a part of your life, and therefore you need to take your time saying goodbye. 

That might mean talking with your partner, journaling, or simply being alone and reflecting on your marriage. 

That being said, this process will look different to everyone, as everyone’s divorce ends differently. The most important thing is to remember both the good and bad parts of the relationship.

This will help you find closure and move on with your life. 

3) Think Positively

It can be easy to fall into the trap of viewing your divorce as a failure and maybe you have people around you who are judging you for your decision or criticizing the way you handled it. 

Ultimately, you do not need to justify the decision to anyone. Your marriage was between two people, and it does not mean that you failed because it didn’t work out. 

As well as this, divorce rates are even higher nowadays than they were in the past because society has changed and there is not the same pressure to settle down and have children with someone. 

To avoid feeling shame or negativity towards your marriage, you should try to have a positive outlook. This helps you think positively and accept what has happened. 

4) Surround Yourself With Happiness

After getting divorced, some people may feel lonely, depressed, and isolated from friends. This might be due to the fact that couples tend to form similar friendship groups, or you might want to withdraw from everyone else.

Not only this, but the process of getting divorced is tiring and it can get messy, especially if children are involved and you need to attend custody trials. 

Because of these reasons, you need to ensure that the people around you are good for you. This means you should think carefully about the people in your life and if they are supporting you during this time or making it worse.

This can be hard because you might not want to accept the idea that your close friends or family are affecting you negatively, but it is vital to your well-being that you are self-aware about your environment. 

It can be helpful to go to counseling, or another type of therapy if you feel that you are struggling with removing toxic people from your life. 

5) Reach Out to Friends

For any life change that someone goes through, it is crucial that you have supportive friends to lean on and comfort you. This is one of the most important ways to get through a divorce, talking and being with others.

However, you need to think carefully about who you confide in and make sure that they are trustworthy. This will become more important as the divorce becomes more permanent.

You will want someone you can rely on around you to help you with planning a move, a different job, or simply to sit with you and cry. Everyone needs help during these hard moments.

6) Build a Routine 

Once you have finalized the separation and decided on where you will be living, the next step is building your routine. After living with someone and merging your life with them, you will have to create a new routine. 

This tip is helpful for life in general, but it is particularly useful for people starting a new life after marriage. Routine can help you feel more grounded, in control, and safe. 

You will benefit from the consistency during a time that feels overwhelming and out of control. For instance, you can try a new hobby, go for a run, or set a new morning routine to start your day with positivity! 

7) Enjoy Being Single 

Being alone after marriage can be strange and you might feel an instinct to date again and meet someone new. That being said, it is healthy and beneficial to take some time alone.

It is a good way to process your feelings, and get used to your new living situation. In addition to this, you will learn to be confident by yourself, gain coping mechanisms, and enjoy doing things you love.

This is especially important if children are involved in your life. You do not want to change their environments even more. So, taking time away from dating is good for you and your children. 

8) Make the Most of Resources 

Thankfully, divorce can be made easier with the use of online tools and communities. For example, have you heard of 2houses? 

2houses is a wonderful online platform created to help divorced parents handle co-parenting and assist you in the practicalities of your new lives apart. 

How do they help?

They have tools to help you with organizing shared custody, finances, and other helpful software to make the transition as smooth and easy as possible for you and your family. 

Divorce doesn’t need to be stressful. If you have the right resources around you, it can be manageable for everyone involved. 

As well as 2houses, another great way to get support during a divorce is joining online chatrooms, groups, or book clubs where people discuss their own experiences and offer advice on different topics. 

This can be hugely helpful for those who are struggling with their separation and offers comfort in times of need. You don’t need to go through it all alone. 

Divorce is scary and often takes people by surprise, as no one thinks they will get separated when they first get married.

When the day comes when you decide to go separate ways with your partner, you might not know what to do or find it hard to create your identity after marriage. 

Finding Yourself After Divorce

To make sure that you don’t lose confidence or develop feelings of depression and anxiety, the best way to find yourself again is to connect with your passions and hobbies. 

This can be through taking online classes and developing a skill that you might never have had time to learn, or it could mean working towards being financially independent. 

After divorce, it is common to split finances until your partner is secure and fully independent from their spouse, so striving towards financial independence is a great way to create a new life for yourself. 

It also makes you feel empowered and confident for the future. This will make it easier going to events alone, making new friends, and living in your own home. 

It might take a while to get to a place where you are truly content, but it will happen. It will just take time and patience. 

Making Life Easy After Divorce

The last thing anyone needs after divorce is more stress due to organizing and planning the practical parts of a separation. To avoid this, 2houses is there to help! 

You no longer need to worry about sorting finances, planning custody dates, or messaging with your ex-spouse when you can do it all in one place. These tools are there to make life easier for you after divorce, not harder.

So, why not make the most of these resources? That way, you will be able to spend more time on yourself and work towards your new dream life! 

Reach out today to find out more

How to Handle Living Alone After Divorce

Living alone after divorce

One of your worst nightmares has come true – you’re divorced and single again. On top of that, you’ve never felt more alone. We understand that such a feeling can leave you devastated and overwhelmed, but you need to be stronger than ever before. Perspective is everything, which is why you should see it as a new beginning rather than an ending and a failure. Lift your head up high and step confidently into the next chapter of your life. Check out our tips that will help you enjoy living alone after divorce.

Go back to your hobbies

When was the last time you took a brush and stood in front of your easel? Can you even remember how much time has passed since you read a book or enjoyed some of your other hobbies? If the answer is something along the lines of, I have no idea, it’s time you went back to your origins and start doing everything you used to enjoy. Sometimes being a couple leaves little time for your own passions, so now that you’re single again, you can go back to your hobbies and even consider new ones.

Develop new routines

You’ve probably thought about taking that cooking class for years back, but never had a strong will do to it. Whether because you were too busy being a spouse and a parent or because you thought you’d do it some other time, you allowed for the time to go by, and your desire to learn has eventually subsided. If being alone still doesn’t agree with you, surrounding yourself with people and developing new routines is the best strategy. After finishing a course, consider joining a club. Be it a book club or a divorced women’s society in the neighbourhood, opening up about your problems will be highly beneficial for you.

Redecorate your home for a new start

Leaving the past behind will allow you to look only forward and think about the present. One of the best ways to create a new beginning for you is to redecorate your home. From repainting the walls to changing the carpets, and some furniture, getting rid of all the décor that reminds you of your pre-divorce life will be the best move. Consider transforming the outdoors and add an extra layer of security with protective chain wire fencing that you’ll use to enclose your property. You can never be too safe from burglars, so invest in sturdy fencing solutions that will create a strong barrier against any intruders.

Travel alone for new experiences

You only live once, so you better make it count. Have you ever considered travelling to a new destination on your own? If you used to fear travelling by yourself, there’s no better time than now to face your fears and overcome them. Book a ticket to the place you’ve always wanted to go to and embrace new possibilities. Travelling alone doesn’t have to be scary, as long as you follow some of the basic rules that will keep you safe when touring by yourself.

Accept the fact that you as an individual are enough

This may be the most challenging task of all, but it’s, nevertheless, vital for your emotional recovery and growth. Accepting yourself as a complete individual even when you don’t have a life partner next to you is of the essence. Just because your marriage didn’t work doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be forever alone. Furthermore, living by yourself will be therapeutic and allow you to create a more meaningful relationship with yourself. That is much more important than having a strong connection to your romantic partner. Only after you’ve accepted yourself as being enough will you be able to offer the best of you to another person. Gove yourself more credit and be proud of your strength. Going through a divorce isn’t easy, and you’ve survived getting out of it stronger than ever.

Loving yourself even after your partner has left is vital for your survival. You must learn to be by yourself, to go through this troublesome period. It won’t be easy, but with the tips we’ve listed, you’ll find your way towards healing and new opportunities, much faster.

How to Remain Professional at Work while Going through a Divorce

Going through divorce

If you’re going through a divorce right now, you know how stressful it is. It awakens the feelings of loneliness, disappointment, depression and anger, and when you’re pumped up with emotions like that, it’s hard to stay professional and handle all your work tasks. So how can you finalize and mourn your divorce while also fulfilling all your work duties? It’s hard but possible, especially if you follow these tips below:

Talk to your boss

You might not want to share your personal life with colleagues, but since your productivity will almost certainly suffer a bit due to divorce, it’s important to talk to your boss. Your boss might be able to help you through this time—many people are surprised how understanding managers and CEOs can be. Be open in your discussion and you’ll build more trust with the corporate and know that you can always count on the support of your superiors.

Turn off your phone

You don’t have to be available to your ex or their lawyers 24/7. Unless there’s an emergency with the kids or house, it’s a good idea to block the calls until you finish work. And that includes texts and emails as well. Once you step into your office, you need to commit the next 6-8 hours to your job and leave your private life for later. Texts and phone calls from the ex, friends and family can completely ruin your day and occupy every part of your brain. While you’re at work, you need to focus on it and not let unexpected arguments steal your motivation and productivity.

Make a good schedule

Make a good schedule

Divorce often makes people feel very defeated and lonely. You have to fight the tendency to give up and isolate yourself. A good way to handle your personal crisis and keep productivity high is by making a clear schedule of your days so you can check off tasks as they come.  Make a list of a few things that need to be finished such as picking up kids, buying groceries, calling business partners, preparing a presentation for tomorrow, and making sure you can tick them off (finishing tasks and ticking them off can be very fulfilling.) Also, don’t forget to schedule some you-time so you can let out some steam. Oftentimes, a short 20-minute workout or even a 10-minute walk can feel refreshing for your brain and give you clarity.

Take good care of your health

It’s easy to neglect your health during this hard time but make sure to follow a good diet and stay hydrated. If you eat three meals a day, expect to be energized and healthy and have a stable mood (the latter is something you desperately need right now). It’s understandable that you’re not leading the healthiest life right now, especially if your ex used to cook every day or you two had a habit of meeting for lunch, but if you get sick, it will be even harder to handle your divorce. When you need some extra help with hydration, it’s a good idea to reach for nootropic smart drinks which use Ginko, GABA, Huperzine-A and other substances to boost productivity and focus and ensure more restful sleep—just what you need right now. Plus, they provide proper hydration.

Find a safe space

Every time you feel overwhelmed at work, make sure to take a break. Identify your safe space and visit it whenever you need to rest. People can recharge their batteries by going for a short walk, getting a cup of coffee or listening to some music in your car. Some people choose to take on more work to provide them with a distraction, but burying yourself in your work is not a great way to cope.

Reorganize your desk

There are many things that remind you of your soon-to-be-ex partner at home, but at work as well. You probably keep a few things at your desk that remind you of them—holiday photos, small souvenirs that you bought together, fun memories, etc. The way you organize your things might even remind you of the routines you had during your past life. To make things easier for yourself, it’s smart to reorganize your desk and make a new setting. A change of scenery will remove painful memories and even boost your productivity.

Prepare an answer to everyone’s questions

Unless you’re completely new to your workplace, your coworkers will most likely see that you’re off your game. Expect a few questions, so have an answer ready if you don’t want to get into it. “I’m going through something at home. Thank you for your concern, I’ll be fine soon”. It’s nice to know people care, but you don’t have to discuss your personal life with anyone.

Oftentimes, a divorce can positively affect your career, but not at the beginning. While you’re going through the roughest patch, it’s important to stay focused, calm and professional, so your career can bloom once everything starts returning to normal.

Divorcing From An Abusive Spouse: What You Need To Know

Divorcing From An Abusive Spouse

Every year, domestic violence wreaks havoc on the lives of an estimated four million people – the vast majority of whom are women, but men also make up a significant percentage of that statistic. In addition to this, it’s important to point out that domestic abuse also has a substantial ripple effect on entire families and friendship groups, causing distress and trauma to those close to the abuse.

If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of being a victim of domestic abuse, you may be considering a divorce from your partner. After all, domestic violence can affect mental health and physical health, as well as cause significant harm and even death in extreme situations. With that said, here is a quick run-through of everything you need to know about divorcing an abusive spouse.

What Are the Types of Abuse In a Marriage?

First and foremost, it is critical to understand the various forms of marital abuse. Unfortunately, many individuals believe that physical violence is the only way their spouse may harm them, but this is simply not true. The following are some of the most prevalent kinds of abuse in abusive relationships:

  • Physical abuse
  • Emotional and verbal abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Financial abuse
  • Digital abuse
  • Stalking

How Spousal Abuse Might Affect the Type of Divorce You Choose?

Typically, there are two types of divorce that you need to be aware of; these are no-fault and fault-based. Divorcing spouses under certain state laws have the choice of seeking a fault-based divorce, but in others, all divorces are classed as no-fault. It all depends on the laws within your area.

No-Fault Divorce

The filing spouse in a no-fault divorce is seeking a divorce based on one of the state’s no-fault legal grounds. In most states, these legal grounds are usually separation, irreconcilable differences, irreversible breakdown, and incompatibility. To have a claim for a no-fault divorce accepted by the court, the filing spouse does not have to allege that there has been any marital abuse. Instead, the spouse must simply inform the court that the marriage has ended and that there is nothing that can be done to save it through things such as counseling, etc. After this, the court will grant the divorce if both spouses fulfill the state’s other divorce standards.

Fault-Based Divorce

A fault-based divorce, on the other hand, requires the filing spouse to launch allegations that there are more specific legally recognized grounds for the divorce. Adultery, abuse, criminal convictions, and substance addiction are just a few of the common reasons for fault-based divorces. As for domestic abuse, you can claim in your divorce papers that your marriage ended because of your spouse’s abuse, giving details where necessary.

How Spousal Abuse Affects Financial Outcomes After a Divorce

Of course, it goes without saying that the financial aspect of a divorce is one of the most significant. In many cases, this can be the primary factor that causes abused spouses to remain in the marriage without seeking a divorce, as they are fearful they will be cut off and left without any assets, possessions, or cash.

To be frank, it’s impossible to offer a blanket response about how funds will be handled after a divorce because each case is unique. With that stated, marital abuse can have an impact on property distribution, especially if the spouse who has been abused can prove that it has resulted in financial losses or a reduction in their capacity to generate income. Domestic violence victims with additional financial concerns tend to be treated more leniently by the courts, sometimes offering alimony to those who need financial support.

How Spousal Abuse Affects Child Custody After a Divorce

If you have children, you may be anxious about how the courts will handle custody. In every state, the court will examine what will be the best outcome for the child. If you can show that you have been the victim of domestic abuse, the courts may place restrictions on your abusive spouse’s custody rights, such as restricting overnight visits. In severe situations, a court may terminate their right to visitation and give you complete custody, but this, too, is contingent on the facts of your case.

Above all, the most crucial consideration is your safety. If you believe you are a victim of domestic violence, get help right away so you can protect yourself and your children. Once you are safe, then you can start to consider moving through with the divorce.

What to Do if Your Co-parent Is a Narcissist: Your Comprehensive Guide

What to Do if Your Co-parent Is a Narcissist

Narcissism is a major problem. 1% to 15% of the population suffers from narcissism. Some people have narcissistic personality disorder, while others struggle with some narcissistic symptoms. 

Narcissism becomes an even worse problem when it comes to split custody. A narcissistic co-parent can make the separation and parenting processes far harder than they need to be. Yet you can get help. 

What exactly is narcissism? How can narcissism impact a person’s parenting, and how can you help your child? What should you do to keep a narcissistic co-parent from affecting your life? 

Answer these questions and you can be an effective co-parent in spite of your ex. Here is your comprehensive guide. 

The Basics of Narcissism 

A personality disorder is a mental disorder. A person with one has patterns of thoughts and behaviors that are unhealthy or destructive. They may be aware of the consequences of their actions, yet they cannot change them. 

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) impacts a person’s ego. They have a larger-than-normal sense of self-importance and skills. 

A person may exaggerate their achievements, including lying about successes in their life. They may be preoccupied with their fantasies of success and power. They may believe they are special and refuse to associate with any “normal” people. 

At the same time, they may come across as insecure. They may perform stunts so people will give them attention. They may fish for compliments or ask for approval repeatedly. 

Signs of Narcissism 

A person can come across as narcissistic in many different ways. They may come across as intelligent and capable during initial conversations. During first dates, they may shower their partner with signs of love and affection. 

Yet as time goes on, they may express an idealized view of their partner. This may come across as flattering, but it can also be arrogant. The person with NPD may say that the two of them are more special than everyone else. 

The person with NPD may prioritize their needs over the needs of their partner. They may stay for longer hours at work, or they may ask their partner for special favors. 

If the two go through a divorce, the person with NPD may insist on longer hours for child custody. They may also insist on having a greater share of the marital property. 

They may attack their ex in court, insisting that they are not fit to be a parent. They may initiate confrontations and enjoy how they make their ex and child upset. 

Keep in mind that the signs of NPD overlap with those of other mental health conditions. Bipolar disorder can lead to someone feeling egocentric or pulling stunts for attention. 

A person can have NPD and another mental health condition. They can also develop a substance abuse disorder. They may abuse a substance to cope with their lack of attention or to soothe their insecurities. 

How Narcissism Can Affect Parenting 

NPD can affect a person’s style of parenting in a few different ways. If you have a narcissistic ex-husband or a narcissistic ex-wife, you need to understand how they function as a parent. Monitor them closely and adjust your parenting style so you can support your child. 

The Achievement-Obsessed Co-parent

A narcissistic co-parent may be obsessed with their child’s achievements. They may insist that their child be the best, including through their physical appearance.

They may praise their child, but only when they accomplish something. When the child does something wrong, they may criticize them harshly. They may neglect their child when they need help because they don’t want to see their child as weak. 

The Self-Obsessed Parent 

The parent may demand admiration from their child. They cannot tolerate any disagreement or criticism. They praise their child when they follow their orders, but they scorn them when they disagree. 

Children with self-obsessed parents have low self-esteem. They may denigrate themselves and refuse to take leadership positions at school. 

The Prioritizing Parent 

Someone with NPD who has multiple children may prioritize one child over the rest. This child may have skills that their siblings do not have. They shower this child with praise while neglecting everyone else. 

The prioritized child may have mixed feelings about this. They may feel guilty that they are receiving more praise than the other children. They may become confused when they don’t receive praise at school or at work. 

Their siblings may lose self-esteem. They may distance themselves from the prioritized child, forming a rift in the family. 

The Abusive Parent 

Not all parents with NPD are necessarily abusive. Yet there are parents whose narcissism leads them to physical and sexual abuse. 

They may regard their children as servants. When they act out of line, they use physical force in order to get their way. They may engage in sexual behaviors with their children due to a lack of empathy. 

Set Your Boundaries 

Once you understand how your narcissistic co-parent is behaving, you can understand how you should behave. Unless your co-parent is abusive to you or your children, you should interact with them. Remaining in communication will make things like dividing school-related expenses easier. 

Yet you do not have to be in constant communication with your ex. Establish times during which you will not talk to them, even if they reach out to them. 

Establish what you will and will not talk about. You can limit your conversation to the welfare of your child or to finances. You can avoid talking about everything else. 

You are not obliged to speak to your co-parent if you both attend an event. Make it clear to them that you will not communicate with them at the venue. If they try to talk to you, say something like, “I don’t want to talk with you right now, but I hope you have a good night.” 

If you do meet with your co-parent, bring someone with you. They can monitor the conversation and end it if it stops being productive. 

If your co-parent has a partner, your boundaries should apply to them. You should not communicate with them unless something requires their attention. You should also avoid talking to your co-parent’s family members, including their parents and siblings.

They may become a stepmom or stepfather to their partner’s child. It is not your place to intervene with that relationship. Focus on your own child. 

Split Custody With a Good Parenting Plan 

All separated parents need to make a parenting plan. This will make co-parenting far easier and create a smoother separation process. 

You can follow most traditional tips for writing a parenting plan. You should have conversations with your ex during which you break down aspects of parenting. You should decide how you will divide parenting time and important responsibilities. 

You can talk to a lawyer. You can also find a mediator or a third party who will help you come to a mutual consensus. If you do not want to talk directly to your ex, you can have your attorney talk on your behalf. 

Keep the priority on your child. Figure out where they are going to live and attend school. Devise ways of covering their expenses, including food and clothing. 

If you do not want your co-parent to have custody, you should stand your ground. Go to court and propose options for a visitation schedule.

You can also divide physical custody while you have full legal custody. You can receive spousal or child support if you need it. 

Consider Parallel Parenting 

Parallel parenting is the best parenting model for divorced parents who don’t want to see each other. It is good for any situation involving a co-parent who has a mental illness. 

Both parents will be involved in raising their children. One parent may have visitation rights only.

Yet the two interact on limited occasions. They may see each other when one parent drops off the child. They may communicate with each other during an emergency. 

But that is the full extent of their interactions. One parent raises the child their way, and the other raises them their way. In effect, each parent serves as a single mom or a single dad. 

Parallel parenting will prevent your narcissistic co-parent from harming you. Yet you should be attentive to your child. If it seems like your co-parent’s parenting style is harming your child, you should intervene. 

Be Calm

Many people with NPD like to feed off other people’s emotions. They may instigate a conflict just to make the other person upset. This is especially the case with people they do not like. 

Do not take the bait that your co-parent is throwing out there. When they make a comment you do not appreciate, take a deep breath and respond without emotion. 

Never make a personal attack on your co-parent. Yelling at them may escalate the situation.  

When you need to let emotions out, you should do so. Once you are done talking with your co-parent, head outside and find some catharsis. 

Dodge Narcissist Triggers

A person with NPD may become triggered. A stunt they made for attention may have gone unnoticed. Someone may have caught them breaking a rule, or they may have suffered a setback in their personal life. 

This can cause their symptoms to become worse. They may fly into a rage, threatening other people and using violence to get their way. This rage can occur with minimal warning. 

Make sure you do not trigger your narcissistic ex. Do not bring up anything personal in your conversations with them, especially about their romantic life.

Whenever you are concerned about the welfare of your child, you should contact someone. You do not have to call the police if you don’t want to. You can ask a friend, relative, or crisis center to check in to make sure everything is okay. 

Affirm Your Child 

Don’t let your co-parent distract you from your child. Spend plenty of time with them. Engage in their hobbies and help them with their schoolwork. 

Praise your child when they do something right. But console them if something goes wrong or if they make a mistake. Work with them on how they can improve their skill so they don’t make the same mistake again. 

If they do something wrong, you can discipline them. But don’t go over the top. You can give them a timeout, but don’t take away food or water from them. 

You can have conversations with your child about their well-being. Yet you should not make it about the co-parent. Ask them to focus on themselves, their feelings, and their health.

Be attentive to the signs of child abuse. Contact someone if you notice several signs in any child, including ones you don’t have custody of. 

Think About Counseling 

Parenting in and of itself is stressful. Delegate plenty of time for self-care. Attend to your hobbies, talk to your friends, and find personal fulfillment in some way. 

You can talk to a mental health counselor if you find you have a lot of stress. Come up with some solutions to handle your personal problems. Devise some tips to cope with your anxiety

You may need to take medications. This does not make you weak. Medications can mitigate your symptoms and help you become a better parent. 

Do not recommend that your co-parent get counseling. They may take this as a sign of disrespect. But you can recommend counseling to other family members who may benefit from it. 

Deal With a Narcissistic Co-parent

You can split custody with a narcissistic co-parent. They may come across as arrogant, haughty, and self-centered. This can lead them to neglect or even abuse a child. 

Enforce hard boundaries with your co-parent. Avoid personal or emotional conversations with them. This has the added benefit of avoiding narcissistic triggers. 

Draft a good parenting plan and consider parallel parenting. Affirm your child and make sure they are doing well. Get yourself self-care so you combat your anxiety. 

Find resources that will help you and your children. 2houses provides great guides and online apps. Create an account today.