How to Rebuild Your Style after Divorce

How to Rebuild Your Style after Divorce

Going through a divorce can cause a lot of stress and make you rethink your entire life. Now that you’re starting your life over, you’ll want to reinvent yourself entirely, ad what better way to start than from your style. Looking back to your wardrobe and all the outfits you either regretted wearing or never had the chance to show off are now in the past. From now on, you’ll become a whole new person aiming to look like a true fashionista, and this is where you need to start.

Wardrobe intervention

Clothes are precious to many of us, but they need to go through a thorough filtering process once you decide to rebuild your persona style. Open your wardrobe, take everything out and start the estimate. Remember that iconic scene from Sex and the City movie, when they’re deciding on all the outfits Carrie should take or leave? That’s what you need too. Put a vote on every piece of clothing and be ruthless. Bring reinforcement and allow your friends to be non-biased. Only keep the pieces that will allow you to create new, improved looks for yourself.

Online research

Once you’ve left with a few items of quality clothes and footwear, it’s time to start looking for inspiration. Do you even know what you’re looking for in your new edition? Start by browsing through fashion magazines and Pinterest. Create a vision board of all the looks that you like. On top of that, don’t forget to search for outfits that compliment your figure. Otherwise, your shopping trip will be too frustrating.

Shop ‘till you drop

Speaking of shopping, get your credit card ready for swiping. Now that you know what you’re looking for, it’s time to put on your comfortable shoes and start raiding the stores. Invest in new and trendy day dresses that will show everyone how strong and confident you are. With a day dress, you’ll radiate sass and class at the same time while feeling fierce too. With a pair of well-tailored jeans and a fitted blazer, you’ll be on you’re a-game every day, no matter the occasion. Accessorize smart and don’t miss out on the opportunity to look your best at work, at home, when shopping or when you’re out enjoying a relaxing weekend afternoon.

Don’t be a slave to trends

Yes, online magazines and Pinterest are endless sources of fashion trends, but no, you shouldn’t succumb to trends by any means. Just because something is trending, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for everyone (or anyone for that matter). Use the latest fashion trends as an inspiration for what you’ll fashion for yourself. Let the trends guide you and offer a building ground on which you can further upgrade your style.

Wear clothes that fit like a glove

One of the reasons you shouldn’t follow fashion trends at any cost is because some clothes won’t fit you like they fit the models. So, when you start reinventing your style, only invest in clothing items that look like they’ve been made for you. Always try the clothes before you buy them That way, you’ll be sure you’ve got the right size, cut, and colour. No matter how much you like nude tops, if you have fair skin, many nude shades can make you look washed up. Furthermore, not all clothes will fit every body type, so shop according to your figure to always look like a supermodel.

Look for quality instead of quantity

If you have a fixed budget, shop for quality staple pieces. Regardless of what your wardrobe looks like after the intervention, invest in trademark pieces that you can easily mix and match. Quality shirts, leather jackets, pencil skirts and blazers that will last for more than one season are always the best choice. A little black dress and a few more day dresses to make you look like you’re ready for a date will be the best investment that will pay off in the long run. Don’t shop for items on sale just because they’re more affordable now. Think if you’ll ever wear them, and only invest in them if they’re worth it.

Rebuilding your style may seem like a challenge, but it’s actually easier than it appears. All you need to do is declutter the old items and invest in new clothes that will make you look better than ever before. Learn what pieces are worth buying and start your new life with your head up high in those lovely heels.

How to Let Go of Bitterness After Divorce

How to Let Go of Bitterness After Divorce

When going through a divorce, you’re facing a challenging, confusing, time in your life. While you’re working to take care of your family, you must also remember to take care of yourself. With so much uncertainty, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and to let the emotions obscure your perspective on the situation. But, it’s time to start taking back your control and putting yourself first. Give yourself permission to take the time to heal and grow past this challenging event in your life. If you don’t allow yourself the space to do just that, you’ll only hold yourself down to feelings of bitterness and frustration. Here are some tips to help you on your path forward to find optimism and acceptance from a difficult place. 

Grieve the Old

Divorce is a loss and there is a lot of emotion that comes with navigating that loss. This involves grieving and the many ways in which that is felt differs from person to person. It may feel like you have to hold everything together and keep on track, yet, that’s just not feasible. You have to open yourself up to process the emotions that you’re experiencing. Whatever you may be feeling is valid. Try not to fight it or repress it, even if that may feel like a short-term solution; in the long run, it’s only going to cause more harm. 

With that said, feeling your emotions is just the first step because you don’t want them to overrun you. The next step is to talk it out. Talking through your thoughts, along with your mental and emotional state in general, is a way to grow and move forward. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or licensed professional, having someone to help you make sense of what you’re going through and acknowledge it without harboring it will help you to form healthy coping mechanisms.

Accept the Present

The process of grieving is intense and is not linear in any way. It’s not a simple process to come to acceptance, but having that as an underlying goal can guide each day in a positive manner. It’s easy to look back on the situation with a mentality of what you should’ve, could’ve, or would’ve done differently. However, this is not productive or fair to you. At the end of the day, you can only focus on the present and move forward into the future. 

Finding ways to come to terms with your current situation can include recognizing any judgments you have towards yourself and others, identifying the things that you are grateful for presently, and taking note of actions you can take for the future. Getting into the habit of journaling is a great way to work through these ideas, especially ones that draw you back to the past. Anytime you feel a judgment or resentment from the past, write it down to get it out of your head and leave it behind so you are not occupied with these thoughts and you can turn your focus to the future. 

Turn Your Focus Inward

The one constant thing you can take control of in life is yourself and your reactions. In a time when it feels like you’ve lost all control and sense of order, you can look to yourself for a grounding presence. You can explore more about who you are, your feelings, opinions, likes, and dislikes. You can get to know yourself all over again, being able to learn with fewer outside influences. Ultimately, this is a time to define who you are outside of marriage.

This exercise should feel grounding and healing, rather than hyper-critical and defeating. Self-reflection is meant to bolster positive growth and a strong understanding of who you are. Self-awareness and introspection can actually be a very tricky thing if you’re not careful. When you’re taking part in these activities, be cognizant of the ways in which you are talking to yourself, and make sure that you are offering compassion, patience, support, and understanding, the same way you would if it was a loved one.

Look forward to What’s New and Changing

Newness can be scary. Going through a divorce brings about a lot of change, but this doesn’t have to be as concerning as you might think. By reframing your take on this time in your life, you can turn this into something more positive and exciting, with the idea that you can make anything you want out of your new situation. Change is inevitable and constant, but don’t forget you are adaptable and resilient.

Start with making a list of the things you’ve always wanted to do. Then, start checking things off that list! Find ways to spark your joy, creativity, and passion. Look at this as a time to reorganize and redesign whatever you want. One thing you can do is find ways to embrace healthy choices throughout your daily routine, not just for you, but your family too. Something to try would be a new workout class, not only does this benefit your health, but it’s a great way to meet new people. Maybe play around with a new style to find ways to build your confidence and security in this more ambiguous phase in your life. Try to remember the possibilities for you are endless in the best way.

Channel Your Positive Energy

This is not a situation that is going to consistently feel exciting. There are going to be lots of ups and downs, but the best way to move forward is by harnessing the ups and focusing your energy on growth and healing. Luckily, there are so many different ways to channel your energy. Now’s the time to take on a project you’ve been meaning to do or learn something entirely new. Whether it’s a new hobby or just an opportunity to revamp something in your life, find an outlet that brings the passion inside of you to the forefront.

Leaning into your social circle or finding a new community entirely can open you up to new experiences. Whether it’s through close friends or meeting new people through shared interests you are doing new things. Take a step back and think about the things that interest you and have always wanted to try, this is a great starting point to find a community that is similar to you. If you’re an avid reader, you might love to join a book club. Whether it’s local to your area, or you take advantage of online resources, there are numerous ways you can get involved and put yourself out there. Use this time of newfound independence to share the passions that were once kept to yourself with others to find more joy in every day.

Create Peace Within Your Space

The space which surrounds you daily can have a huge impact on your mood and emotions. Your home, especially what was once a shared home, can pack in a lot of memories of loved ones and the past. Sitting in the past as it once was is only going to hold you back. Rather than tiptoe around the shell of the old, it’s time to start bringing in new life. There is so much that can be done to refresh your space that will also allow you to refresh your mindset.

Investing in your space is investing in yourself. Now’s the time to take on the home projects you’ve been waiting to get to and build out the design that truly speaks to you. These projects can be of any size large or small. Whether it’s as simple as repainting a room or a little more involved by breaking out the power tools, this is a moment of empowerment for you to experiment with different styles and decor that inspire you. If you’re still trying to find your personal design style after so much time living in a shared space, lean into transitional pieces while you figure it out. One great project to start with is installing a shiplap accent wall. Shiplap is a popular design element because of how subtle yet versatile it is- it fits into every style of decor without overwhelming your space. As you transition, adapt, and thrive, with the many changes in your life your home will be a reflection of your growth. If you think your style is trending toward farmhouse but in a year or so, you find it’s actually more modern, the shiplap accent will still fit perfectly as you swap out decor. Pair this accent with furniture pieces and other design elements you’ve always wanted and transform your home into a space that reflects not only your personality but brings you peace in this challenging time; a space that should continue to grow with you for the years ahead.

Find What You Want and Go After It

You can’t change the past, but you can look to the future. Maybe this is an unexpected time in your life, but that’s what makes it all the more unique. Now is your time to do whatever feels right for you. Yes, you’re still grieving a relationship that once was, and that will continue to be a part of your journey, but it is certainly not where the story ends. Rather than hold on to any resentment or negativity, continue to move through it as you heal, grow, and learn more about yourself than ever before. Ground yourself in your strength and resilience, and work towards creating a brand new life to fall in love with.

How to Create a Home That Inspires Healthy Habits

Healthy home

In the last two years, we have all been spending more time indoors than usual. Many people are not used to this kind of lifestyle and find themselves lazy, apathetic, and resorting to unhealthy behavior. However, there is no need to live unhealthily just because you’re stuck inside. You can still get the necessary physical activity, plenty of fresh air and sunlight, and healthy meals. There are various ways you can create a home that inspires healthy habits, so if you’re trying to embrace a healthier lifestyle after divorce, here are some tips to get you on your way.

Get rid of clutter

For starters, it’s not a secret that most of us have too much stuff. Walking into a room that is full of knick knacks that don’t have a designated place, dirty clothes that need to be washed or clean ones that need to be put away, various documents scattered around the place, a pile of dishes that have nowhere to go, and so on can be very stressful and have a huge impact on your mental health. Consider the idea of thoroughly decluttering your space. Go through each of the rooms and see whether you really need everything in there. Set some rules for yourself. For instance, everything that you haven’t used in the last year needs to go. Moreover, if, during this purge, you encounter items that you would not have bought again if you got the chance, toss or donate them. This approach goes for everything from appliances and kitchen tools to clothes and books. Moreover, if you went through a divorce recently and are learning how to live on your own again, it’s vital that you get rid of all the things that belong to your ex. Either return them or give them away. There is no need to have reminders of a negative time in your life lying around the home.

Introduce plenty of natural light

Once your home is free of the clutter that might have been making you anxious to a certain degree, it’s time to shower your home in natural light. This is important as it can improve your circadian rhythm and sleep pattern as well as help you focus and make you happier. With that in mind, if you’re considering a bigger renovation, look into getting bigger windows for most rooms so that the light has no problem coming in. However, a big remodeling is not always a possibility, whether due to financial constraints or as it simply wouldn’t make sense because of where you live. In that case, you want to ensure the windows are not blocked by furniture. Furthermore, get rid of heavy drapes and opt for some light, sheer curtains, or none at all. That way, the light will not be obstructed when coming into your home. That being said, you can still opt for blackout blinds that will ensure no lights from the outside are interrupting your sleep during the night.

Make sure to let the fresh air in

Something that you should keep in mind when it comes to natural light, however, is the fact that you cannot get vitamin D through the rays that penetrate the windows. That means that you should open your windows on a regular basis and bask in some direct sunlight to experience all the benefits of this vitamin, such as lower depression levels. By opening the windows, you are also letting in fresh air into your home, which is another pillar of good health. Regardless of whether you use an air purifier and have proper ventilation, this is something you should do, simply to get rid of various odors, moisture, and contaminants in your home.

Use natural materials

No matter if you’re going for a bigger change or not, using natural materials is of the essence as they allow us to create a bond with nature that we might be missing during these difficult times. These can be implemented in all rooms in one form or another. For instance, you can change the flooring in your home. If you currently have wall-to-wall carpeting in your bedroom, you can consider replacing it with hardwood floors or some similar eco-friendly alternative like bamboo and cork. Then, when it comes to smaller updates, you can introduce some wooden chairs, a wooden bath tray, bamboo toothbrushes, and organic cotton towels.

Opt for the right color palette

Another important aspect of our homes that can easily get overlooked even though it can have a huge effect on our psyche is the color palette that we use. Seeing as how being in nature can help us feel good and boost our mood, it’s a good idea to surround yourself with a nature-inspired color scheme. While the shades you can use abound, you can opt for pastel blues, greens, and yellows. Blues, for instance, are great if you’re looking for some peace and serenity. Green is typically used to enhance focus while yellow can improve your creativity. If you’ve already had some of these colors and are looking to revamp your home after divorce, you can simply opt for white as it can make your space look airy, bright, and larger than it actually is. In addition to painting the walls, which is a cheap and quick transformation, you can also add some accents in the form of art, throw pillows, and rugs.

Bring in plenty of greenery

Besides a nature-inspired color scheme, you can also introduce some actual nature into your home. No matter the conditions you can provide them with, there are certainly a few houseplants that you can add to your living quarters. For example, the jade plant, aloe vera, yucca, money tree, and fiddle-leaf fig all thrive in direct sunlight. On the other hand, if you’re not showered in natural light for the majority of the day, you can turn to spider plants, Swiss cheese plants, Boston ferns, areca palms, cast iron plants, and philodendrons. In case you think houseplants require too much care and you don’t have a green thumb, you can also opt for a bunch of flowers that will keep your home fresh at all times. Look into regularly getting delivered flower bouquets, as that will brighten your living space in no time. Something else you can consider is growing herbs indoors. Everything from mint and basil to oregano and cilantro can succeed in your home.

Layer the lights

When spending plenty of time indoors, it’s also important that you tackle your lighting situation. It’s not uncommon to see rooms with just one source of light. However, this approach can lead to eye strain and headaches, especially if you’re working from home or like to read. With that in mind, you should layer your lights. In addition to the overhead fixture that you probably have in every room, you want to add some other sources. For instance, in the bedroom, a table lamp or a sconce on each side of the bed will make it much more pleasant. On the other hand, the bathroom needs some task lights around the mirror aside from the pendant, chandelier, or recessed light you might already have. The kitchen is another area where you should add a task light as it can prevent accidents while preparing food. Moreover, don’t overlook your living room as floor lamps and table lamps as well as some accent lights can create a cozy atmosphere that’s just right for watching movies and relaxing. Lastly, if you work from home, you need your office area well-illuminated in order to be able to focus on your assignments.

Organize your kitchen to promote healthy eating

A big part of a healthy lifestyle is eating healthily. To encourage this habit, you want to organize your kitchen in the right way. For starters, you want to organize your fridge in such a manner that healthy snacks are highly visible and within reach. You always want to go for fruits and veggies first instead of unhealthy alternatives full of sugar and fat. Use clear containers to have a good overview. Then, you can also have healthy snacks on display on the dining room table or kitchen island. Put out a bowl filled with fruits, granola bars, and nuts and seeds, as then they will be within sight and reach. Staying hydrated is also essential so you want to keep a jug of water and a few glasses on the kitchen island to remind everyone who passes them to have a glass. What is more, if your kids are now living in two homes, it’s essential to introduce them to how your home is organized so that they can also adopt these healthy habits.

When spending plenty of time at home, you want to ensure this space is created so that it supports healthy habits. That means that you should be mindful when choosing the materials and color scheme for your living quarters. Moreover, you want to make sure there is plenty of air and light as well as bring in some nature.

7 Tips to Help a Child with ADHD Cope with Their Parents Divorce

Help a Child with ADHD Cope with Their Parents Divorce

Divorce is a complex emotional process that is difficult for all parties involved. Сhildren whose parents are divorcing experience depression, irritation, and anger. Some of the children may even blame themselves for the parent’s separation. However, things can get worse when it comes to kids with ADHD.

Facts About ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or attention deficit disorder (ADD) is one of the most common behavioral disorders. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and may persist into adulthood.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2016, 6.1 million children of all ages (9.4%) in the United States had ADHD. Symptoms should be present for more than six months for a diagnosis.

Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and have problems controlling impulsive behavior and concentrating. Some children and adults with ADHD may also have difficulty regulating their emotions.

ADHD in children can deteriorate school performance and relationships with peers and adults. ADHD is a disease that requires treatment, including medication.

What to Expect

Divorce of parents is a challenging test for any child. However, for children with ADHD, the situation turns into a tragedy. It is challenging for them to fully understand the nature of their emotions and cope with impulses.

Support for children with ADHD going through a divorce involves parents’ understanding and accepting the problem. A parent is a reliable support system for a child.

Psychologists identify three main issues that adults and children face:

  • Trouble managing emotions. The news of a parents’ divorce can be a real emotional shock for a child. Children with ADHD may find it challenging to deal with anger, sadness, and anxiety during and after divorce. Often this leads to tantrums and possible physical beatings.
  • Hyper focusing. Although one of the symptoms of ADHD is impaired concentration, it manifests as the opposite symptom in some cases. Children with ADHD may dwell on negative aspects, such as divorce, and do not let the situation go for a long time. It can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and blame for the parents’ breakup.
  • Trouble with flexible thinking. It is hard for children with ADHD to quickly adapt to new changes and adjust their perception of the situation. As a result, it leads to a long-term denial of the parental separation and the rejection of the new rules or new parents’ partners.

You can not protect the child from all the negative consequences. However, understanding the nature and reasons of their reactions to certain factors can help your kids get through difficulties faster and more smoothly.

Strategies to Help a Child Deal with Divorce

The tips below will help parents organize their child care and focus on specific factors that require attention.

1. Work Together with the Co-Parent

Dealing with divorce and children can be difficult for parents because so many things need their attention. However, when raising a child with ADHD, it is vital to adhere to a single system to avoid confusing them.

Children with ADHD quickly lose concentration. Because of this, it is difficult for them to immediately understand complex things, such as the causes and consequences of divorce. As a result, their reaction to unclear explanations or criticism of the other parent can turn into hysteria and ruthlessness. After all, they simply do not know how to respond to family changes.

Parents need to agree on what they will say to their child regarding divorce and further action. At this point, spouses should show the children that they are not the reason for their parent’s separation.

Co-parents’ teamwork can help the child feel less out of control.

2. Keep an Open Dialogue

Many parents mistakenly believe that to help their children cope with their separation, they need to pretend that everything is fine and nothing happened. However, children quickly notice the slightest change in their parents’ attitudes and react to it. For example, frequent whims, poor school performance, protests against meals or walks, and so on.

In this way, children with ADHD try to attract their parents’ attention and become the force that unites them again. It’s like the saying goes: “Nothing brings you together like a common enemy.” The principle is the same.

Parents should talk openly about divorce with their children. However, depending on the child’s age, they need to choose the appropriate tone. The child may not be ready to discuss everything at once. Give them time to think. And then return to the conversation later.

3. Tell Your Child What to Expect

This paragraph is similar to the previous one. However, here we focus on preparing a child with ADHD for the coming changes in home life.

Parents should talk to their children and explain how their lives will change with a divorce. Try to calm the child and assure them that there will be no global changes. Parents, as before, will both be present in the child’s life. To do this, give specific examples like: “Now dad will take you to his place every weekend,” or “Now you will have two houses.”

Parents should not overload the child with information at once, do it gradually. You can also use supportive tools. For example, by reading children’s books about divorce, you can clearly explain why parents can no longer be together.

Popular books now are:

  • Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

The dinosaur family explores why parents can get divorced and what happens after a divorce. In the book, you will find answers to common questions that a child may have. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky

After the divorce of Koko’s bear parents, the protagonist experiences a range of emotions such as guilt, anger, and sadness. On every page, you can find tips on how to help your child identify and express feelings. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • Two Homes by Claire Masurel

The book tells about Alex, who lives with his mother and father in different houses. He has two beds, two armchairs, and two favorite groups of friends. With this book, you can help your child understand that they are loved by both parents, no matter where or with whom they live. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids by Isolina Ricci

A qualified family therapist wrote this book to help teens deal with conflicting home rules and schedules. The story will help children stay neutral when their parents disagree and deal with guilt, stress, and other emotions. In addition, the book includes easy-to-use and straightforward worksheets. It is designed for children 10 years and older.

  • My Family’s Changing by Pat Thomas

This picture book talks about the concept of divorce. It also contains questions parents can ask their children to help them sort out their feelings. It is designed for children 4 years and older.

  • Divorce Is Not the End of the World by Zoe and Evan Stern

This book is remarkable because it was written by teenagers (with the support of their mother) who coped with their parents’ divorce. The book considers managing emotions, adapting to stepparents, adjusting to rules and schedules in different houses, etc. It is designed for children 8 years and older.

4. Keep Rules

Helping kids go through a divorce, parents can ease up on their day-to-day rules. However, during this period, children with ADHD need parental control. Parents should stick to the usual system so that children do not feel lost and out of control. Even something as small as changing kids’ bedtime can affect your child’s behavior.

5. Protect Rituals and Schedules

Divorce will make adjustments to family life. However, parents that have kids with ADHD should maintain their child’s daily routines. In this case, we are not talking about rules, but about actions such as doing sports, taking medicine, playing a musical instrument, etc.

Some divorced parents may disagree on ADHD medication and refuse to support their child’s treatment. Therefore, in joint custody, parents should agree on the need for treatment, the schedule, and the dose of ADHD medication. After all, their child’s health and further standing in society depend on this.

6. Don’t Ignore Unacceptable Behavior

Everything should have a limit. Parents should understand the emotions and feelings of the child. However, this does not mean kids should be allowed to do what they want without punishment. For example, a child with ADHD may be angry or sad because of their parents’ separation, but don’t let violence or tantrums become the norm.

Parents should talk to their children about healthy ways to express their emotions. They can also get a family psychologist consultation or attend specialized courses to help children of divorce. In addition, parents can turn to medication treatment.

7. Be Mindful About Dating

When parents have a new partner, this can turn into two scenarios. First, children with ADHD may have a negative attitude towards a new beloved and consider this as a parent’s betrayal. It can lead to alienation between the child and the parent.

The second option is entirely the opposite. Children with ADHD can become very attached to a parent’s new partner very quickly, trying to fill the gap of a broken family. And in the end, if you break up with a new partner, it can be a tragedy for the child and drive them into depression.

Parents should refrain from introducing their children to new lovers if they are unsure about the relationship. 

Final Words

Parents should not be afraid of ADHD in children. Your kids may overreact to the changes, but with the right approach, you can help your daughter or son get through a divorce. The key is understanding and communication.

BIO

Anna Khmara is a certified life transformation and relationship coach with an in-depth study of transactional analysis and positive psychology. She helps clients understand the essence of the problem, establish healthy relationships, build self-esteem, manifest their dreams into reality, and find harmony.

Anna has published up-to-date guides to changing life scenarios, offering valuable advice on coping with trauma, surviving divorce, setting life goals, and implementing an effective plan to achieve them.

Feelings, Relationships, and Pregnancy: Dealing with Breakup While Pregnant

A Breakup When You’re Pregnant

Overcoming a breakup is challenging no matter what the circumstances are. But when you’re pregnant things become a whole lot more complicated. However, that does not mean they are impossible to manage. Even though it might feel like the world is crumbling before your eyes, this shift in trajectory might be what is best for you and your child in the long run.

Women have been birthing and raising children since the dawn of time. And many of them have triumphantly done so without the support of a biological father.

That said, it’s important to remember that whatever your emotional response to this is, it’s okay.

Managing a breakup while pregnant is a tough challenge to accept. But you can emerge from this situation stronger, happier, and more yourself than ever before.


Feeling Overwhelmed Is Natural

If you’ve found yourself in this position, chances are you are feeling overwhelmed and possibly even scared. Both of these reactions are completely understandable and natural.

Before the breakup, you probably had an expectation about how your pregnancy experience would be. Now, those expectations have not come to fruition, and co-parenting and custody are an unexpected part of your future. Dashed expectations are always difficult to handle, especially if there is a long-term emotional investment involved.

Being pregnant is probably one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences a human can have. So, it’s important to maintain a sense of compassion for how you’re naturally responding to the situation.


An Opportunity To Revisit Your Relationship With Yourself

Even though it probably doesn’t feel like it, this change in plans could give rise to a renewed sense of intimacy and understanding of yourself. 

Many women report gaining mental and emotional clarity when pregnant, saying it allows them to see the world in ways that maybe they were afraid of before. Being away from your partner can give you the opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that you’ve forgotten, or suppressed.

This time could represent a moment of clarity for you to look inward and process your position in life without the distraction (and in some cases, the suffocation) of a serious relationship.

Now is the time to embrace all aspects of who you are—your past, your present, and your future, in whatever ways it may unfold.

There’s no point in pretending that dealing with a breakup while pregnant is easy. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a catalyst for other changes in your life that you may have been putting off for a while.

Ways To Cope

While holding space for the emotional and mental responses that are currently going on inside of you, it’s also important to focus on practical solutions.

Having a game plan for dealing and coping with the pregnancy will add structure to your life. Plus, it will enable you to tackle each challenge with more confidence.

Seeking guidance from others, reaching out for support, and finding constructive ways to cope with stress or anxiety are going to be your primary objectives over the next few months.

With the right approach, you and every other woman in this position can break through the inevitable struggles. You can create a life for you and your baby that is even better than you could have imagined alongside your ex.

Give yourself time to grieve

Grief is a normal response to any breakup, especially in your adult life. You’ve probably spent years investing time and energy into your past relationship. Now that it has come to an end, you are grieving all that was lost.

Grief can manifest in a variety of ways, and it is usually different for each person. Your experience with grief will not necessarily be the same as anyone else’s. You need to give yourself room to meet those feelings, no matter what they look like.

Crying, laughing, sleeping, or baking (yes, stress-baking is not an uncommon occurrence) are just some of the things you might feel compelled to do while processing grief.

Allow yourself the time and space necessary to process your grief in whatever ways feel natural. Freely and unapologetically holding space for your grief is the most effective way to process it.

Choose not to dwell on the past

When life hits you out of nowhere, it can be easy to want to relive the past. However, romanticizing and fixating on the past can prevent us from being fully present. With a new child on the way, being present is critical for their support.

In order to effectively manage your situation, you will need to show up for yourself and your future child in ways that can initially feel scary and daunting.

Looking at photographs of you and your ex, going through their old belongings—these are both things that feel tempting and comforting at the time. But often, they only result in more pain. Try to be strong in those moments and resist the urge to dwell on the past.

Lean on friends and family for support

This is not the time to feel shy about asking for help and support. Friends, family, neighbors, and loved ones of all kinds want to be there for you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for support when things get tough, or even when you just need someone to talk to.

Anyone in your life who knows you and loves you almost certainly wants to help you get through this. You don’t need to feel guilty about needing support. It’s completely reasonable for you to lean on others during this time of confusion.

If somebody you trust offers to help you (whether it is financially, emotionally, domestically or otherwise), have the courage to take them up on that offer. You deserve to feel supported. Don’t be shy to speak up and vocalize your needs to those who care.

Try to make peace with your situation

There’s no point in fighting the reality of your situation. Even though it might take some time, and that is completely acceptable, making peace with how things have unfolded is the best way to take back charge over your life.

Making peace with your situation is not something that will happen overnight. It will probably come alongside a lifelong journey of self-acceptance.

You might be feeling angry, hurt, and ready to blame your ex for every hardship you are experiencing. However, those feelings can become destructive when left unchecked.

Where possible, try to make amends with your ex. If that’s not an option, aim to make amends with yourself.

The breakup has already happened, now you get to choose how you respond to your newfound independence. Will it be with peace and acceptance or anger and regret? Guess which one will be easier in the long run.

Find constructive ways to manage your stress levels

Everyone needs to know what their stress triggers are and how to manage their responses. In your position, it’s only natural to anticipate some stress and anxiety from time to time.

Rather than allowing this notion to send your head spinning, focus instead on constructive methods of stress management that you know you can rely on in times of distress. Having a plan of action for when things feel overwhelming will make you feel stronger and more prepared for life.

A walk in nature, calming breathing exercises, or watching your favorite movie with a friend can all help to reduce your stress levels. Make sure you have a list of feel-good activities prepped and ready to go when you need some comfort and grounding.

Focus on supporting your baby and your body

The perfect place to funnel your attention is sitting right under your nose—in your womb, to be exact. The admin involved in a serious breakup may be distracting. But the best place to invest your time and energy right now is directly towards your baby and the body that grows them.

Now is the time to pour all of your love, attention, and energy into the health and wellbeing of both your own body and state of mind, and that of your unborn child.

Focusing on keeping your body strong, happy, and nourished will mean that, in turn, your baby’s body is strong, happy, and nourished. Shower yourself and your baby in love through the forms of good food, gentle exercise, community bonding, and preparation for birth.

Remember that you are not alone

Even though it might feel at times like this is the worst thing that could have happened, it can be soothing to remember that this is an experience you share with millions of other women throughout the ages.

Remember that you are not alone. Not just in the sense that there are people around you who love and care for you. But also in the sense that you are certainly not the first woman to go through this process— and come out the other end happier and more fulfilled than ever before.

Yes, this is a huge change of direction for your life and your child’s life. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how this experience will unfold. You are going to get through this!

The Importance of Reinventing Your Home After Divorce

Your Home After Divorce

No matter how smoothly and cordially the process goes, divorce is nearly always a heartbreaking struggle. Chances are you have entered the marriage expecting to spend the rest of your life with that partner, even building a home together you can call your own. But since small parts of both of you are likely scattered through that home, reinventing it after divorce can be of great help. It is a productive and healthy way to deal with your emotions and overcome this turbulent period, and here is how you could do just that:

Start by redecorating the bedroom

Your bedroom is likely the one area of your home that reminds you of your ex partner the most. Not only was this a space you decorated together, filling it with certain items that were important to you as a couple, but it was also the place where you were the most intimate, both physically and emotionally.

That is why redecorating your bedroom first is so important, giving you the opportunity to let go of any painful reminders, bitter memories, and anything else that might be holding you back. If you don’t have enough time or money for a full bedroom makeover, keep in mind that even small investments like new bedding and curtains could transform the look of your space and help you feel that much happier.

Attempt to declutter your home

Reminders aren’t only in your bedroom and wardrobe; they can likely be found all around your home. For that reason, decluttering each room can turn out to be quite a liberating experience, allowing you to clean out your space, minimize mess, and let go of any items that remind you of your ex partner.

From their clothes to the wedding gifts you received, consider everything when decluttering your home. You might wish to keep certain items for their practicality or as a nice keepsake of the time you spent together. When it comes to the things you want to remove from your home, it’s recommended to pack them in separate boxes and ask your ex partner if they would like to keep them, in case you are on good terms.

Repaint the walls for brightness

While we often overlook colors, they can have quite a powerful impact on our overall mood. Feelings of discouragement, sadness, and a loss of confidence are all completely normal after divorce, but painting your home in appropriate colors can help to bring back some positivity and optimism you might need.

As colors can affect our emotions, aim for uplifting or relaxing shades. For instance, a soothing blue or calming green can be great hues for creating a relaxing atmosphere, while brighter yellow and orange shades could uplift, energize, and inspire. No matter which color you choose, a fresh coat of pain is bound to transform your space, as well as your state of mind.

Incorporate rugs for warmth

In case you need more comfort and warmth in your space, on the other hand, rugs are the perfect solution. They can easily be incorporated into any room, add more layers and dimension, and tie the whole interior design together, all while giving you that snug and cozy feeling that helps to make a house a home, even if it is now changed.

Consider including stunning berber rugs into your decor when reinventing your home. These rugs are simple and neutral enough to effortlessly complement and elevate any design, while still being soft, fluffy, and warm enough to increase the comfort levels in your space and make you feel happier in your home.

Find your unique design style

Living with another person typically means decorating your home together and finding a design style that suits both of your preferences. But after the divorce, there will no longer be a need for compromise. You will have the freedom to find your own interior style and focus only on what you like and enjoy.

From minimalist spaces that promote peace and relaxation to nature-inspired designs that inspire tranquility, there are a number of different interior design styles you could opt for. The important thing is to choose something you absolutely love, in order to make the home look and feel truly your own.

Include your favorite pieces

Once you’ve found your preferred interior style, you can begin filing your home with pieces that really speak to you. Instead of sleeping in the same bed you’ve shared with your ex partner or allowing their favorite chair to take center stage, don’t be afraid to invest in furniture pieces you truly love.

Then, aim to make those items the focal point of each room, whether that means incorporating a stunning new couch into the living room or a beautiful antique dresser in the bedroom. Apart from helping you to reinvent your space, new furniture items as focal points will also make your home feel more like you.

Use decorations for personality

When redesigning your home after divorce, it’s also important to express yourself through the decor and give it that missing personal touch. Along with new furniture, this also means choosing smaller decor items that speak to you on a personal level and make you feel as if your home is only yours, and not shared with another person.

For example, you can choose large art pieces that inspire you and hang them on accent walls, or even make a gallery wall filled with your favorite photographs of your friends and family. Similarly, you could fill up your shells with attractive vases, books you love, and personal memorabilia, or anything else that makes you feel happy and content when you look at it.

Turn to nature for peacefulness

After the whirlwind of emotions we tend to feel when going through divorce, sometimes all we truly need is to focus on ourselves and our well-being. Plants and greenery can be of great help in this regard, bringing some natural peacefulness and serenity into your home, while effortlessly embellishing it with its beautiful shades as well.

What’s more, plants could also lift your mood and provide your home with cleaner air, thus allowing you to create a healthier and more pleasant space. Whether you go for small succulents, large potted houseplants, or even hanging planters and table arrangements, plants are bound to improve your home in any form.

Evidently, redecorating your home after divorce is quite an important part of the entire healing process. As long as you take it one step at a time, focus on what matters to you the most, and make an effort to create a beautiful space of your own, you can freely embark on a journey throughout the following chapters of your life.

How to Improve Your Sleep after Divorce Stress

After divorce stress can disrupt your sleep and endanger your overall health. Therefore it’s important to calm your mind and have a good quality sleep.

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale that studies how much stress affects health placed divorce in the second place — the first being taken by the “death of spouse” event. Also known as the Social Readjustment Rating Scale, this tool consists of 43 events deemed stressful enough to cause illness and mental health issues. But why is divorce so gravely stressful?

The Attachment Theory has some answers for this. Developed by a British psychiatrist John Bowlby and further enhanced by his colleague, Mary Ainsworth, this theory was firstly about the child-parent relationship. However, in the ’80s, Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver expanded the theory to include adult romantic relationships as an attachment process, implying strong psychological and emotional bonds between partners.  

End of relationship and stress

Divorce is emotionally challenging and no matter how maturely the couple deals with this event, it can still be quite stressful. After the divorce, the partners separate from each other, change their lifestyle and habits, move to another place, and continue forward without sharing responsibilities with the other person. It also can affect other relationships in their lives, like with their children, family, friends, and colleagues.

The most stressful of all is grief. Defined as an agonizing loss that overwhelms a person, grief is the reaction to the divorce. Grief can be experienced by both partners, it doesn’t matter who left who. The American Institute of Stress sees grief as psychological trauma and a person needs to have a period of mourning to heal. During this time, a person is in distress and suffers from various conditions because of it, like difficulty sleeping.

Sleep problems after divorce

Losing sleep after a divorce is common, but that makes it far from okay. Sleep is necessary to store memory, boost immunity, repair damage inside the body, and regenerate cells. It’s one of the most important processes that happen in human life, so when it’s disrupted, a person suffers consequences.

Nights are the trickiest time of day after a stressful event, but losing a loved one makes it even harder. You look at that extra space in bed and feel alone, abandoned, and broken, trying to find answers to why is this happening to you and what have you done wrong. If finally, you do fall asleep, your dreams are troubling or you wake up every few minutes, reminded of your predicament.

Ways to improve sleep after divorce

However horrifying it may seem, there is a way out from this situation. It won’t be easy and it may take time, but taking control of your sleep habits is a path to being alright. Here is what you can do to improve sleep after divorce stress and overcome this difficult time.

Seek counseling

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is always a good idea, especially after something as hard as divorce. It helps you to recognize the problems and deal with them so they don’t negatively affect your life anymore. Look for therapists who are specialized to deal with sleep disorders and divorce, since they may have more experience on the matter.

However, remember that this won’t bring resolution overnight. You have to find a therapist that makes you comfortable to open up and talk about the deepest issues. Once you do, you need to make an effort to listen to their advice and be willing to go through uncomfortable stages to be comfortable in your life again.

Take natural sleep aids

A therapist can prescribe you medicines to help you fall asleep or treat depression, anxiety, and any other psychological effect of divorce. If you are still deciding whether to go to a therapist, you can try natural sleep aids. Herbal teas are a common go-to option since some herbs both have a calming and sleeping effect, like chamomile. Lavender and mint are also famous for their relaxing properties, so you can add them to your teapot as well.

Those who are not fans of tea can try drops or tablets made from valerian, hops, and other soothing herbs, or lavender pillow spray. Aromatherapy with scented candles and essential oils has been known to help fall asleep. You can use essential oils in a warm bath or a diffuser but stay away from refreshing scents, like citruses, since they can keep you awake.

People having trouble falling asleep also take melatonin supplements which is a hormone naturally released in the body that controls the sleep-wake cycle. In a man-made variant, you can take it as a pill every night before bed for a short time, although it’s best to consult with your physician first.    

Buy new bedding

Take all the bedding you shared with your partner, throw them away or donate them, and go buy yourself new ones! Getting completely new pillowcases and bed linen is part of your fresh start to go forward and leave the past behind. Even pillows and covers have to go if you are uncomfortable using them.

In case the bed is a problem, you should replace it as well. The key is to remove the space you shared with someone and create a personal space that is your own. That way, you won’t look at their side of a bed as a loss, but you will have the whole bed for yourself. 

Keep the room dark

Being alone in a dark room may seem like the last thing you need when in emotional distress, but it’s one of the best ways to fall asleep. You can have a cup of chamomile tea before bed and use a sleep sound machine when you turn off the lights to help. When there is no light, the body interprets it as a sign it’s time to sleep.

For this reason, having electronic devices that emit light in your bedroom is also not a good idea. If you do have to keep your phone inside the room, avoid putting it on the nightstand and cover your eyes with a sleeping mask. Moreover, no TV, smartphone, or any other screen at least two hours before bed will minimize your exposure to blue light that can interfere with the sleep-wake cycle. 

Have a bedroom makeover

Since divorce is a life-changing event, you should go with the flow and change your environment. If moving to a new home is not an option, go for the easier one — a makeover. To get yourself going, start with something small like redecorating your bedroom so you don’t tire yourself and give up quickly. Throw out old furniture or have it redone, put new paint on the walls, add some wallpapers, hang new curtains, and spread a new carpet.

What once was a couple’s territory, now is only yours and you should let your creativity and personal desires define your bedroom décor. While at it, declutter memorabilia on your relationship, like a wedding album, photos, gifts, and other things you share with your partner.    

Practice meditation and breathing techniques

Meditating is commonly used to de-stress and focus on the present. It relaxes the body and mind, helping you calm down and fall asleep. According to a 2015 study, meditation and practicing mindfulness can improve sleep quality by evoking a relaxation response. An important part of meditation is proper breathing, something you can try when you have difficulty falling asleep.

A breathing technique known as 4-7-8 is often recommended by therapists. It involves breathing in through your nose until you count to 4, holding your breath until 7, and breathing out slowly while counting to 8. Repeat this a few times and count as quickly as necessary to comfortably breathe during this exercise. Soon enough you will start feeling sleepy.   

Stay away from caffeine or alcohol before bed

Caffeine is a substance found in coffee and some types of tea that is excellent to stay awake. That said, you shouldn’t drink any of these beverages before bed, except for caffeine-free teas. Unfortunately, these are not only drinks that contain caffeine since energy and some fizzy juices are full of it.

Embracing A Healthy Lifestyle After a Divorce

Woman who is running

Going through a divorce feels like the ultimate failure for many people. The mere idea that their Till death do us part turned into Till the road gets rocky can become beyond devastating. However, even when your pain becomes unbearable, you must find the strength to move on and think about your health. Physical, mental and emotional health tend to be affected the most, which is why we have prepared several tips to help you go through this hardship with more ease.

Work out regularly

Keeping your spirit up is vital for your mental and overall health. Blowing off steam by looking for an anger outlet will be highly beneficial for you. Once the grieving period ends, it’s highly likely you’ll feel angry. That’s why you should think about fitness activities that can help you break a sweat and not think about your current situation. Running, boxing and dancing are just some of the exercises that will boost your blood flow and adrenaline while allowing you to clear your head.

Find time to be alone

In time of need, friends and family will want to be around you to lessen the blow of divorce as much as possible. However, while that support always means a lot, you’ll need time for yourself. Those moments when you’re alone with a glass of wine and your favourite music on the radio will offer peace and indulging. A spa ritual with your favourite skincare products, a scented candle and a soaking bath will help you find balance and replenish your spirit. Whether it’s time to knit, paint, or work on some other hobby, as long as you have some time for yourself during the week, you’ll feel much better soon.

Maintain a balanced diet

A loss of appetite is common for people going through a divorce. Not eating enough or skipping healthy food will eventually weaken your immune system. The last thing you need is to get sick so having a balanced diet is vital for you. Having raw cashews on a side of breakfast will keep you energised throughout the day. Feel free to have them as a snack around midday when you feel peckish but not enough to have a full meal. Fill your diet with fruits and veggies, lean meat and dairy. You’ll need all the protein, calcium and minerals to keep a clear head and balanced weight.

Stay in touch with friends

Many people tend to isolate themselves from their friends when they are going through a painful period in their lives. You shouldn’t be one of those people. Your friends will always be there to listen and comfort you. Hearing their opinion will give you many more options to think about and pull you out of your misery. Furthermore, spending time with friends will take your mind off the divorce and make you joyful again. So, why not throw dinner at your home and have a nice little gathering? Go to the cinema, walk, shop and live your life as you usually would.

Don’t neglect your mental health

Have you ever talked to a therapist about your problems? Do you know anyone who’s been struggling with their thoughts and decided to ask for professional help? Even if you don’t, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek out help. Sometimes friends and family can’t offer us the needed comfort and guidance to help us go through a divorce with a positive mindset. That’s the time when you should talk to a therapist and relieve your pain through a conversation.

Regulate your sleeping patterns

Regular sleeping helps our bodies rest and recharge for the following day. That’s why you’ll need to make sure that your sleeping patterns are not disturbed. Once you notice that you’re having difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep throughout the night, consider changing your bedtime routine. Aside from that, enrich your diet with foods that contain high levels of magnesium, such as soy milk, beans, cereal, nuts, and spinach. Feel free to take melatonin supplements to keep your Circadian rhythm in check.

Go outside and breathe

Sometimes, all you need to do to feel at peace with yourself is go outside and breathe. Connect with nature again to feel destressed. Whether you decide to have a picnic in the park, walk by the beach, cycle next to the river or hike up the mountains, feeling close to nature and enjoying the fresh air will bring the necessary clarity and help you forget about your hardship. It will bring you a newfound respect for life and ever-needed calmness.

Divorcing your spouse will never be easy. No matter how difficult the last couple of months have been for you, you’ll always remember the beautiful times you’ve shared together and how much you used to love each other. That’s why divorce will always feel like a defeat. Nevertheless, you must find the strength to move forward and do everything in your power to stay strong and healthy. Tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities and a potential love interest that will forever change you and make your life better than ever before.

Divorce Need Not be Destructive–Here’s Why

divorce with children

It’s a familiar pain to many of us. In fact, over 746,000 couples get divorced every year, many of whom have children who will likely remember the process forever.

Fortunately, that doesn’t have to be a negative memory, and there’s a lot you can do to make sure of that. Let’s talk about how to achieve the best results of divorce with children.

Effects of Divorce With Children

It is no secret that divorce is associated with a negative impact on children. Well, the point of this article is to explain that it doesn’t have to have a negative impact.

However, children who experience a divorce often acquire unintended psychological or physiological side effects such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Trust issues
  • Aggression
  • Social issues
  • Insecurity
  • Feelings of guilt
  • Emotional sensitivity
  • Health problems

The list goes on, and can even include developmental delays. There are also many common effects on children’s daily lives, including poor academic performance and impulsive behavior. These symptoms are unique to the child, the child’s age, and the circumstances surrounding the divorce. 

Fortunately, parents have some control over these circumstances. The more hostility, anger, or negative emotions involved in the process, the worse the effects will be. Limiting these 

What Causes A Destructive Divorce?

While there are thousands of possible answers to this question, there are some common themes in divorces that cause unnecessary tension. Here are a few examples.

Financial Disparity

If a child goes to one parent’s house and finds it far more comfortable and feels crowded in the other, this will ultimately lead to problems such as resentment. Because of this, child support is necessary for maintaining a more consistent living standard for the child.

Although, co-parenting is far more expensive when parents are paying for two houses and the resources that come with them. It’s unlikely that both parents earn the same income, and we didn’t even mention the average cost of divorce. We strongly encourage parents to come to terms beyond a simple court decision to ensure the best life for the child.

Distance

If parents live two streets away, it becomes easy for children to quickly travel between and communicate with each parent. However, if one parent lives in North Carolina and the other in Massachusetts, this does nothing but harm the child’s development.

In certain cases, a child is forced to adapt between living situations every week, every other week, or every month with limited contact with the other parent in the meantime. All this does is remove the child’s sense of grounding and create a host of logistical issues.

Not Taking the Child Into Consideration

Particularly, making the divorce about yourselves as parents is one of the worst ways to handle a divorce.

Most parents would be horrified to imagine that their actions are harming their child in some way. However, it takes a special type of parent to consider their child’s needs and emotions during a high-stress period such as divorce. It is a lot easier to be wrapped up in your issues.

Nevertheless, when parents neglect the needs of their children during such a period, the child will suffer unnecessarily. Parents going through a divorce should both agree to prioritize the needs of the child and work as a team to help them. This is true no matter how parents feel toward one another.

Consequently, parents need to collectively think about their actions, words, and moods when around their children.

How To Be an Effective Parent During a Divorce

Effective parenting requires teamwork and a genuine desire to help your child. If you feel that you or the other parent can’t handle this, then a conversation must take place to establish guidelines and boundaries. When both parents read the same co-parenting guide and work to meet their child’s needs, it works out best for everyone.

Be Honest

Honesty is important in any relationship, especially in a situation like divorce. You can spare your child the details of any complications involving the divorce or anything else, but try your best to maintain and earn your child’s trust.

When you initially choose to talk to your child about the divorce, be mindful of your tone, teamwork, and timing.

For example, have you talked to the other parent about having this conversation? Will they be included? Is your child already dealing with problems at school? How will I break the news to them? These are important questions to ask before having the talk.

Also, don’t toy with their emotions. If the decision to get divorced is final, then it’s not okay to get a child’s hopes up by implying that this is temporary or that things may change in the future. If you don’t believe it, don’t let your child believe it.

Finally, be honest with their other parent. Lying to, or withholding information from, anybody in this situation will only harm trust and make the situation more tense than it needs to be.

Be Present

Your child needs to know that they still have their parents, now more than ever. It is important that you are there to answer any questions, lend an ear, or assist with your child’s needs as they come.

Remember, the process of the divorce isn’t the only time when co-parenting is necessary. The need for co-parenting continues on into adulthood after the divorce is finalized.

Because of this, it’s important to think of parenting as a marathon, not a sprint. Figuring out short-term logistics and solutions is part of your job as a parent, but it doesn’t stop there.

Maintain a presence with your child and their other parent, especially in the early stages of the divorce. Make it known that you are available and that you intend to be for the long haul. They need that reassurance.

Communicate Effectively

You don’t have to try to reconcile or improve your intimate relations with one another, but when there is a child involved, you will still need to learn how to communicate. If all communication is done through third parties like lawyers or friends, then you won’t get anywhere. Also, that “third party” should never be your child.

Instead, parents should arrange an agreement to meet and discuss matters related to their child without hostility regularly. Parenting is an ongoing process, and both parties need to remain updated and consistent to be the most effective.

Particularly, you should have routine discussions and remain in contact through texts or calls related to your child’s wellbeing.

Consequently, effective communication should also involve the child. When big changes are approaching, talk to your child ahead of time and let them know the details. Try your best to ensure them that everything will be okay.

Have Good Intentions

We could offer an entire article about the importance of good intentions in divorce. As a parent, you play a major role in setting the tone of the future dynamics. If what you do is with always good intentions, you will usually receive the same respect.

Good intentions should be used across the board. Here’s how.With Your Child

When you communicate with your child or their other parent, good intentions go a long way. The worst thing a parent can do to a child who is already struggling during a divorce is to try to put them in the middle, further change their worldview, or manipulate them.

For example, children should never be led to believe there is a “good guy” or a “bad guy” in a divorce. If you don’t have anything positive to say, it’s better to not say anything at all. Try to use a positive tone when talking to, or about, their other parent.

Moreover, always have the purest of intentions when interacting with your child. It is perfectly okay to feel stressed or angry during a difficult period of your life, but you do not need to put that onto your child. If you are about to say something negative, stop and ask yourself why you are saying it.

Also, if the other parent is seeing someone new, bad-mouthing them is never appropriate. You can’t control how much time that child will spend with that person in the future, so setting the tone for a negative experience serves nobody.With Your Ex

Conversely, if you discover that your separated partner has been mistreating your child in such a way, it won’t help to yell at them or lecture them about it. This will only increase the hostility of the divorce, which your child will sense.

Instead, ask them to sit down and talk about your child’s needs and bring up your concern in a productive, benevolent way. If you say “you’re a manipulative person”, you will only create a hostile environment.

However, if you say “Our child told me that you said this, and I wanted to bring it up with you. I understand tensions are high, but I don’t believe this is helpful to our child’s wellbeing.” Even if this is received poorly at first, this should be a productive way to raise concerns, which is an important part of communication and effective parenting.In Court

The same applies during the actual divorce. If there is something you really want out of the divorce, ask yourself if it is because you truly believe it is fair. If it’s something you believe is right and just, then it’s okay to fight for it.

However, if you are doing something purely out of spite or with the wrong intentions, they will be perceived that way. It’s one thing to claim that you’re doing things in the best interest of everybody involved, but it’s an entirely different thing to actually consider others’ best interests. Either way, it won’t go unnoticed.

Don’t Overcompensate

A common ambition of parents during a divorce is to try to spoil your children into feeling better or “liking you more”. Not only is this not a good long-term strategy, but it will likely lead to unnecessary conflict.

Again, always question your own intentions before making decisions. However, this is often done unconsciously or with the sole desire of making the child feel better.

Nevertheless, you are still a parent and still one of the primary adults in the child’s life. For the sake of their development, you still need to act like a parent and try to provide them with the best childhood that you can.

It is perfectly okay to take your child out for ice cream and to have fun with them. However, showering them with unnecessary gifts and rewards because of your own guilt won’t help them, even if it feels right in the moment.

Instead, try to be present, honest, and genuine with your child at all times. That is what they need.

Take Care Of Yourself

Lastly, your child needs healthy parents. During your time alone, it’s important to ensure that you are remaining safe and healthy. There are many learning curves that come with divorce, like how to handle living alone.

We discussed a lot about taking care of your child, which is likely your top priority. However, that doesn’t mean you should sacrifice taking care of yourself.

Don’t Give Up!

Listen, divorce with children inevitably comes with bumps in the road. How you handle those bumps will determine how your child looks back at a large portion of their childhood. If you take anything away from this, always have the best of intentions for your child and try to work as a team. If you want to learn more about co-parenting, stay up to date with our latest news and contact us with any questions!

Eight Tips to Help You Deal With Mixed Emotions After Divorce

mixed emotions after divorce

Divorce can happen for many reasons but no matter the cause, everyone struggles to deal with the emotions of separation.

Did you know that the most common cause of divorce is a lack of commitment

Even if you ended things naturally, there are still a lot of mixed emotions that come with getting a divorce and moving on from an ex-partner. You can feel sad, angry, confused, irritable, or even experience mental health problems.

The first step after divorce is coming to terms with what has happened. However, in order to do that, you need the right support network and tools.

Thankfully, you won’t need to look very far to find some advice and tips to help you come to terms with your divorce and build a new future. This article will give you everything you need.

Why Divorce Is Emotionally Challenging

It is no wonder that after divorce you are confronted with new challenges. That being said, emotions after divorce are not something you can prepare for. No one expects that when they get married they will separate.

But, it happens and many people are left alone trying to navigate their way around their new life. It is important to understand why you might be feeling uncertain, sad, or confused about what has happened. 

So, why is divorce emotionally challenging? 

Let’s start with the fact that you have just lost someone you loved. 

Letting Go

Love is a profound feeling and it sneaks upon us in the most unexpected ways. When you marry someone, you do not only move in together and set up a home, you merge two lives together and share everything. 

Your partner becomes your whole world, and then, suddenly, they are gone. And, the person you loved leaves an empty space behind. 

The feeling is similar to when you lose any loved one, no matter if that is a spouse, parent, or child. The pain and grief are the same. Sometimes, you will look back on the relationship with fondness.

Other times, you will feel angry and want to withdraw from everyone around you. All of these feelings are perfectly normal. 

Broken Family

Coping with divorce is hard enough between two partners, but most of the time, people who divorce also have children. Therefore, the separation is not just between a couple, but it ends in a broken family. 

Every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy, and they want to give them the best life possible. However, many parents feel guilty for not making their marriage work and therefore put the blame on themselves. 

This is particularly difficult when the children are young and cannot understand exactly what has happened. This can cause other problems for children adjusting to the new family system.

All you can do is help your child with the transition and talk to them openly about dealing with emotions after divorce. 

Unfulfilled Dreams

Popular culture such as movies, songs, and books convey love as an idealistic, magical experience.

Of course, that is true. It is a marvelous feeling to fall in love. Although, anyone who has fallen in love knows that in reality, being in a marriage is difficult. It requires two people to be open-minded and considerate. 

As well as mixed emotions after divorce, people are confronted with the fact that their dream life, dream person, and dream future has been changed. 

Plus, you need to think about how your future will turn out, make decisions for yourself, and get used to being alone for the first time, in possibly a long time. 

Now you might be wondering, how to cope with divorce, what you can do, and how to build a life after divorce.

Eight Tips to Help You Heal After Divorce

Learning how to cope with divorce is a complicated and intense process. You might be wondering how to split finances, organize co-parenting, and also how to manage your own emotions. 

In order for you to be there for your family and build a new life for yourself, you will need to prioritize looking after yourself. You will need to take time to process the divorce so you can move on fully. 

1) Be Gentle to Yourself

A breakup is tough emotionally, but a divorce is even harder. You might have been with someone for years, or maybe months, but the effects of getting divorced take a long time to get over. 

Instead of trying to ignore your feelings, pushing on with life, or repressing difficult emotions, you need to learn to be gentle to yourself. You need to allow yourself time to feel all the different emotions. 

Self-care and being compassionate to yourself is essential for coping with life after divorce, and it will help you handle all the other obstacles that come with it.  

2) Don’t Rush

As mentioned before, losing a loved one through a divorce means you’ll have to give yourself time to experience the grief. Divorce marks an end of a part of your life, and therefore you need to take your time saying goodbye. 

That might mean talking with your partner, journaling, or simply being alone and reflecting on your marriage. 

That being said, this process will look different to everyone, as everyone’s divorce ends differently. The most important thing is to remember both the good and bad parts of the relationship.

This will help you find closure and move on with your life. 

3) Think Positively

It can be easy to fall into the trap of viewing your divorce as a failure and maybe you have people around you who are judging you for your decision or criticizing the way you handled it. 

Ultimately, you do not need to justify the decision to anyone. Your marriage was between two people, and it does not mean that you failed because it didn’t work out. 

As well as this, divorce rates are even higher nowadays than they were in the past because society has changed and there is not the same pressure to settle down and have children with someone. 

To avoid feeling shame or negativity towards your marriage, you should try to have a positive outlook. This helps you think positively and accept what has happened. 

4) Surround Yourself With Happiness

After getting divorced, some people may feel lonely, depressed, and isolated from friends. This might be due to the fact that couples tend to form similar friendship groups, or you might want to withdraw from everyone else.

Not only this, but the process of getting divorced is tiring and it can get messy, especially if children are involved and you need to attend custody trials. 

Because of these reasons, you need to ensure that the people around you are good for you. This means you should think carefully about the people in your life and if they are supporting you during this time or making it worse.

This can be hard because you might not want to accept the idea that your close friends or family are affecting you negatively, but it is vital to your well-being that you are self-aware about your environment. 

It can be helpful to go to counseling, or another type of therapy if you feel that you are struggling with removing toxic people from your life. 

5) Reach Out to Friends

For any life change that someone goes through, it is crucial that you have supportive friends to lean on and comfort you. This is one of the most important ways to get through a divorce, talking and being with others.

However, you need to think carefully about who you confide in and make sure that they are trustworthy. This will become more important as the divorce becomes more permanent.

You will want someone you can rely on around you to help you with planning a move, a different job, or simply to sit with you and cry. Everyone needs help during these hard moments.

6) Build a Routine 

Once you have finalized the separation and decided on where you will be living, the next step is building your routine. After living with someone and merging your life with them, you will have to create a new routine. 

This tip is helpful for life in general, but it is particularly useful for people starting a new life after marriage. Routine can help you feel more grounded, in control, and safe. 

You will benefit from the consistency during a time that feels overwhelming and out of control. For instance, you can try a new hobby, go for a run, or set a new morning routine to start your day with positivity! 

7) Enjoy Being Single 

Being alone after marriage can be strange and you might feel an instinct to date again and meet someone new. That being said, it is healthy and beneficial to take some time alone.

It is a good way to process your feelings, and get used to your new living situation. In addition to this, you will learn to be confident by yourself, gain coping mechanisms, and enjoy doing things you love.

This is especially important if children are involved in your life. You do not want to change their environments even more. So, taking time away from dating is good for you and your children. 

8) Make the Most of Resources 

Thankfully, divorce can be made easier with the use of online tools and communities. For example, have you heard of 2houses? 

2houses is a wonderful online platform created to help divorced parents handle co-parenting and assist you in the practicalities of your new lives apart. 

How do they help?

They have tools to help you with organizing shared custody, finances, and other helpful software to make the transition as smooth and easy as possible for you and your family. 

Divorce doesn’t need to be stressful. If you have the right resources around you, it can be manageable for everyone involved. 

As well as 2houses, another great way to get support during a divorce is joining online chatrooms, groups, or book clubs where people discuss their own experiences and offer advice on different topics. 

This can be hugely helpful for those who are struggling with their separation and offers comfort in times of need. You don’t need to go through it all alone. 

Divorce is scary and often takes people by surprise, as no one thinks they will get separated when they first get married.

When the day comes when you decide to go separate ways with your partner, you might not know what to do or find it hard to create your identity after marriage. 

Finding Yourself After Divorce

To make sure that you don’t lose confidence or develop feelings of depression and anxiety, the best way to find yourself again is to connect with your passions and hobbies. 

This can be through taking online classes and developing a skill that you might never have had time to learn, or it could mean working towards being financially independent. 

After divorce, it is common to split finances until your partner is secure and fully independent from their spouse, so striving towards financial independence is a great way to create a new life for yourself. 

It also makes you feel empowered and confident for the future. This will make it easier going to events alone, making new friends, and living in your own home. 

It might take a while to get to a place where you are truly content, but it will happen. It will just take time and patience. 

Making Life Easy After Divorce

The last thing anyone needs after divorce is more stress due to organizing and planning the practical parts of a separation. To avoid this, 2houses is there to help! 

You no longer need to worry about sorting finances, planning custody dates, or messaging with your ex-spouse when you can do it all in one place. These tools are there to make life easier for you after divorce, not harder.

So, why not make the most of these resources? That way, you will be able to spend more time on yourself and work towards your new dream life! 

Reach out today to find out more