Divorce Coparenting: The Emotional Toll of Divorce on Children

Divorce coparenting

If you’re a married person who thinks that your marriage might be over, you’re not alone. Nearly 38% of marriages end in divorce.

The bright side is that this means you have resources that can help you get through even the toughest part of the divorce process. For most people, the hardest part is figuring out how to parent your kids in two different households.

Read on to get some divorce coparenting tips that will help you out.

How Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce takes a significant emotional toll on kids in many cases. Babies learn about the world through their parents and their household, and this foundation solidifies as kids get older and mature into adults.

When that foundation is fractured, it’s natural that a child’s sense of security and wholeness might be threatened. This can have psychological and emotional effects well throughout childhood and beyond.

Studies show that teenagers from divorced households are three times more likely to need mental health counseling. Some other ways that divorce takes a toll on children includes:

  • Struggling with school grades and performance
  • Are more likely to act out with their behavior
  • A stronger likelihood of substance abuse
  • Higher dropout rate
  • Difficulty in romantic and interpersonal relationships

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get divorced if there’s no fixing your marriage. However, consider this potential toll as you and your soon-to-be ex figure out strategies for raising your children post-marriage.

What Is Divorce Coparenting?

Divorce coparenting is the best-case scenario if you’d like to get a clean split from each other while still doing what’s best for your kids. With co-parenting, you get to go through the divorce process cooperatively and create solutions that will help you do what’s best for your children.

There are some helpful steps you can follow to create the ideal coparenting relationship and agreements.

Get Divorce Mediation

The first thing you should do is agree to sit down with professional mediators. Mediators are impartial professionals that can help the two of you negotiate and speak your mind without making the process contentious.

Working with professional mediators starts your divorce process with cooperation in mind and opens lines of communication. Going to mediation makes it easier for you two to come to agreements without letting squabbles get in the way.

Consult With an Attorney

Though cooperation is the name of the game, you still owe it to yourself to get sound legal advice. A divorce attorney will sit down and discuss the circumstances of your marriage and divorce. During the consultation, the lawyer will ask your goals for the divorce, and will talk about your assets and whether you have a prenup.

Once you hire a lawyer, they’ll also provide you with advice on how to move forward. Perhaps most importantly, your attorney will advise you so that you don’t make costly legal mistakes.

Come to Terms on the Most Important Things

Once you know that you can openly speak to your spouse, treat your conversations in a business-like fashion. Start hashing out the most important details of parenthood, such as child support, child custody arrangements, visitation, and other issues.

You’ll need to work them into an agreement that you can put before the judge, so get as detailed as possible. Having these discussions on your own is more productive and less painful than deciding everything piece by piece through several tense hearings.

When you create your agreement outside of court, the rest is a formality.

Discuss Your Family Vision

Take time to also discuss how you want to move forward as a family in a holistic sense. Talk about things like your kids’ activities, where they’ll attend school, religious beliefs, and other important matters.

Don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations, and never assume you’re on the same page about things unless they’re verbalized. Getting a divorce is only the beginning – you’ll need to get comfortable having these conversations for as long as you’re raising your children together and beyond.

The sooner you can get comfortable and develop a rapport, the more productive these conversations will be over time.

Take Care of Your Personal Health

Ending your marriage is hard, so do everything you can to take care of yourself. It can take a toll on your stress, health and emotions, so practice self-care to the best of your ability.

Make sure that you get sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly. Avoiding unhealthy habits and promoting healthy ones produces positive endorphins that can ease stress, anxiety, and depression.

You can also get divorce help in the form of mental health professionals. They will help you unpack your emotions and work through them so that you can heal and move forward. Don’t rush back into the dating market, and take as much time as you need.

Embrace your hobbies and find meaning in your work. The better you take care of yourself, the easier it’ll be for you to remain active in the divorce process and coparenting.

Work Through the Divorce Process

Divorce coparenting can be a difference-maker when applied correctly. The best thing this does is keep the temperature down. When emotions are low and not contentious, you’re more likely to get a quality outcome. This is necessary for everyone involved, and perhaps your kids will benefit most.

2houses can help you when you’re interested in strategies that can help you get through your divorce. To learn more, contact us on our site.

Understanding Child Support in a Divorce

Child support

The current divorce rate in the United States sits at 3.2 per 1,000 married individuals. This is down from several years ago, which means that the divorce rate is declining!

However, it still happens. If you are going through a divorce, it can be difficult. You may be struggling, and that’s okay.

But there’s no point in struggling alone, especially when there are plenty of people, communities, and programs out there to help you through it!

One thing you may need help with is child support. If so, this guide can help you understand a bit more about it and what you need to know. Keep reading to learn more!

What Is Child Support?

If you are going through a divorce, one of the most important things that you will need to understand if you have kids is child support.

In simple terms, child support is supplying payments to support a child during a divorce.

There are many different factors to understand when determining who is going to be providing child support. This typically depends on the income of the parents and how much time the child spends with either parent.

In a lot of cases, child support can actually be amicably worked out by the parents without going through the legal system or getting legal help. However, this is not always the case. If it’s not, the court will determine child support payments.

When the court gets involved, these payments are legally binding for both parties. They can either be paid from parent to parent, as part of a wage garnishment or through a state child support agency. This can be decided between parents with the help of the court.

What Does Child Support Cover?

If you are paying child support or about to start paying child support, you may be wondering what it covers. All child support goes towards covering any expenses related to the child. This could be for shelter, food, clothing, transportation, any medical bills they may have, health insurance, transportation needs, education needs, and anything else related to them.

The idea is to provide financial security for the child. The financial security only lasts until the child becomes an adult. Usually, this means that the payments will stop at age 18, but there are times that it can remain in place until the child is 21 or even a little bit older, depending on the needs of the child.

Missing Payments

So what happens if a parent misses a child support payment? If a parent fails to pay, this could result in going to jail, intercepting a tax refund, the government seizing property, or something similar. However, of course, there are exceptions to the rule.

If you need to pay child support but there is a major life change, there’s always the possibility to petition the court. You may be able to modify the child support payment if you face a job loss or are going through a serious illness at the time.

Who Gets the Child Support Payment?

If you are going through a divorce, the financial stress that you are feeling is enough on its own. But add in child support, and it can become even more stressful very quickly.

One of the most popular questions is who gets the child support payment during the divorce.

This typically goes toward the custodial parent. The custodial parent is the one who cares for the child on most days or for the most amount of time.

The non-custodial parent will be the one making the payments to the custodial parent. These payments depend on the income of the parents, the expenses of the child, and the time spent with the child.

How Child Support Is Calculated

Calculating child support is not a random process. The federal government requires that each state has their own process to calculate child support. The amount of child support is based on the parent’s income and expenses.

Although there are some other factors, this is the majority of what is taken into account by the courts.

However, the court will also look at the child’s needs and how likely the non-custodial parent is to be able to make payments. By looking at these factors, the state may determine that using the normal formula shouldn’t be done in this case. This is done on a case-by-case basis.More Details

The Income Shares Model is the most popularly used model for child support payments across 40 states. To determine the amount of child support, the states do the following:

  • The income of the parents is added together
  • Based on this number, a basic child support obligation number is determined
  • Based on this number, other considerations are taken into account such as medical care or work-related and child-care expenses
  • The child care support obligation is then split between parents based on a prorated rate determined by their income

Understanding Child Support

Going through a divorce is never easy, but having to go through the divorce and figure out your legal obligations as a parent for child support is even more difficult.

Getting used to having two houses can be extremely difficult for you and your former spouse. Luckily, 2houses is a program designed to help make the transition easier so you can focus on your own health and well-being during this difficult time.

With 2houses, you can keep track of finances, calendars, and everything else having to do with co-parenting all in one place.

If you feel that you’d benefit from this, you can start your free trial today to try it out before committing!

USA Military Divorce, Its Causes and Effects

USA Military Divorce, Its Causes and Effects

Maintaining a healthy marriage is consistent work, especially when children are involved. It is an intimate, frustrating, fulfilling, and often overwhelming undertaking all at the same time. Yet, for the service men and women of the US military, it is often a breaking point.

It’s no secret that military personal experience some of the highest rates of divorce and separation in the country. A result of the incredible toll active military service can have on the private lives of its servicemen and women.

Yet, this phenomenon is not without its understanding. Today we’ll be exploring the common causes of military divorce, as well as the effects military divorce can have on your family. To provide you with the knowledge and support you need to navigate this difficult time.

The Common Causes of Military Divorce

It’s important to quantify that there is nothing inherently different about a military marriage and any other marriage. They can fall apart in all the same ways as each other, with nothing to do with the military at all.

We, however, will be unpacking many of the studied reasons that specifically military divorces occur. Causing them to be some of the highest divorce rates in the country.

Long Deployments

Perhaps the most obvious culprit is the deployments. Soldiers can be stationed for months, even years, at a time before returning home. This puts unimaginable strain on a marriage, with long bouts of loneliness.

In addition to that loneliness, studies have shown that couples often struggle to readjust after deployment. Creating an environment that fosters conflict, discomfort, and eventual emotional isolation.

Domestic Violence

Whether we like to admit it or not, statistics don’t lie. Service members of the US military have a higher-than-average rate of domestic violence, a trend that matches other high-stress occupations. This plays a large role in the high rate of divorces within the armed services.

A study conducted by the University of Florida showed that domestic violence was particularly prevalent within couples where a service member recently left the service.

Untreated Mental Health Problems

Tragically, mental health whilst being much more understood and treatable these days go staggeringly undertreated in the armed services. This is despite an honest effort by the US military to offer robust mental health treatment for their servicemen and women.

Service members can suffer from PTSD, violent outbursts, depression, anxiety, and much more. These issues, if left untreated, can often drive a wedge between couples.


Whilst cheating on your partner is never acceptable, it is somewhat understandable for its common presence in military couples. With long bouts of loneliness, uncertainty, and doubt, a perfect recipe for adultery is made.

Studies have shown that any couple who spends a significant amount of time away from each other repeatedly, in the case of months to years, has a higher rate of adultery. This fact holds for military couples.

Exploring The Effects of Military Divorce on Children

A military divorce can have a wide range of lasting effects on your children. Many of these are typical for any divorce but often made worse by an absent deployed serviceman or woman. Let’s break down some of the most common effects, in a broad-stroke sense.

If you would like to read about these effects in more detail, you can read our detailed write-up, or check our blog for a variety of topics related to this complex subject.

Higher Rate of Mental Illness

Studies have shown that children of divorced parents exhibit higher rates of mental illness later in life. These mental illnesses can range from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and eating disorders, as well as a wide range of other conditions.

Within the context of a military divorce, your child will be feeling even further isolated from one of their parents. This loneliness, mixed with the confusion all children have about divorce, and the infrequent nature of one parent’s presence in the child’s life, is often identified as starting point for these issues.

Sudden Behavioral Shift

In the short term, your child will likely experience a foundational shift in their behavior. It is one of the most common effects of military divorce and can have lasting negative impacts on a child’s social skills, mental health, and more.

These effects include, but are not limited to:

  • Sudden destructive behavior,
  • Arguing,
  • Shouting, temper problems, or tantrums,
  • Lashing out physically,
  • Being quiet, not wanting to be around others,
  • Crying.

Housing Instability

One of the more unique effects that face children of military divorce is housing instability. Whilst one parent may be consistently home, a military partner will likely be away for months to years at a time. Servicemen and women are also highly likely to be deployed overseas, sometimes for a large portion of their military career.

For children, this will often feel like losing a parent completely. Unlike most other divorces, where both parents will be present in the child’s life, military divorces can force one parent to be absent from their child’s life for longer than is healthy.

Children will experience feelings of rejection, loneliness, and even resentment toward their more present parent.


For decades studies into insomnia have underlined the connection between children of divorce and insomnia later in life. Over half of insomnia patients express that their difficulty sleeping began when they were young. Brought on by intense stress, depression, anxiety, and overall, deep emotional turmoil.

Complimentary studies have also reflected that these emotional effects on children of military divorce are seen in much higher frequency, due to a range of lifestyle factors present in children of military servicemen and women.

In Conclusion

Anyone who suffers through a divorce or separation will indeed, to some degree, be going through a unique situation. However, that doesn’t mean that nothing can be learned from the countless examples that come before.

With the information outlined here today, covering the causes and effects of military divorce or separation, we hope you have a greater understanding of the struggles military marriages face and their children in the event of a divorce.

Never forget that there is support out there for you and your family. Don’t hesitate to reach out to those you trust.

Child Custody Evaluation: How Experts Determine the Best Interests of the Child

Child Custody Evaluation

Roughly one in every three children will see their parent’s marriage fail.

Divorce is increasingly common and does leave an impact on kids that are directly involved. The biggest impact on a child is the custody arrangement as they may need to change their daily routines. This is why it’s so important to understand custody evaluations.

Custody evaluations are there to determine the best interest of a child. This evaluation takes a wide range of factors into consideration to help draft a solid parenting plan. This plan is designed with the child in mind, not the parents.

Want to learn more about child custody evaluations? Read on for what you need to know about the types of custody arrangements and how a decision is finalized.

Types of Child Custody Arrangements

There are a few unique custody arrangements that you should know about. These arrangements range from legal custody to joint custody where both parents share in daily responsibilities. Here’s a quick look at the various custody arrangements.

Legal Custody

Legal custody is full custody of your child. This kind of custody goes further than physical custody as the parent is able to make long-term decisions about the child’s well-being. This includes decisions about education, medical issues, and even living arrangements.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is full custody of a child without the ability to make long-term decisions. This means that you are in control of where the child lives along with the day-to-day activities. Major decisions like moving to another school or city will still need to be agreed upon by both parents.

Sole Custody

Sole custody is where one parent gets full custody of the child. This kind of custody arrangement is given to people with abusive partners or where safety can’t be guaranteed for the child. The safety and well-being of your child are always the main priorities.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is the most popular custody arrangement for divorced couples. This custody arrangement gives both parents the ability to have a say in the child’s future. Decisions for the child are the responsibility of both parents, including finalizing living arrangements.

In most cases, the child will stay with one parent during the week and with the other parent on weekends. However, the ultimate decision does lay with both parents.

Determining the Best Interest of a Child

There are a few major factors that come up when discussing child custody. At the end of the day, all of these factors are looked at to determine the best situation going forward. Here’s a quick look at these factors.

Child’s Age

Your child’s age is an incredibly influential factor. Young children require more care and attention than older kids. This means that judges are more inclined to give custody to the primary caregiver.

When it comes to older children, the court may take their personal wishes into consideration. As long as their decision does not contradict the other factors, the court is likely to side with the wishes of the child.


Courts will always try to make the child’s life a priority. This includes keeping the child’s daily routine as consistent as possible. From living arrangements to school and external activities, the least number of changes the better.

Parental Ability

Parental ability is a major factor when deciding who gets custody. This ability includes providing the child with physical and emotional support. However, it also includes financial support such as shelter, food, medical care, and education.

This is not to say that the wealthier parent will always get custody. Instead, this requirement is just to make sure that the child will maintain their lifestyle with the parent that gets custody. This is to make sure that the child is not impacted by the transition.

Changing Routines

When it comes to making a custody agreement, the judge will try to limit the changes that impact the child’s daily life. This means that the child’s typical routine is taken into consideration to determine where they should stay.

General Safety

The general safety of your child will always be taken into consideration in family court. If there’s any indication that your child may not be safe with one parent, the judge will take all necessary steps to ensure the child’s safety. This could be denying custody to that parent or setting limitations for the custody agreement.

Creating a Parenting Plan

Creating a parenting plan is essential to help you co-parent successfully. This plan should include time for family activities with both parents. However, this is still dependent on the custody arrangement that has been agreed on.

The best way to manage your parenting plan is to have a shared calendar. This calendar can help plan activities and schedule when your child will visit each parent. Cloud-based calendars are the best option as both parents will be able to contribute to your child’s schedule.

This is also great to help inform both parents of any changes so that they can prepare in advance.

Let 2houses Help with Your Parenting Plan

As parents, you want to give your child the best foundation possible. Even though a divorce can cause some disruptions, a solid parenting plan can ensure that your child is taken care of properly. Whether you have shared custody or weekend visiting rights, it’s important to have a solid plan so that there’s no confusion for your child.

2houses offers convenient, comprehensive tools to help you create and manage your parenting plan. The platform lets you create a simple, cloud-based calendar along with messaging and financial tools. Learn more and start your free trial today.

Parenting Plan: How to Create a Workable Schedule After Divorce

Parenting Plan

Joint custody is more common today than ever before, but that doesn’t always make it easy to set up. After a separation or divorce, figuring out how to co-parent your kids can be much harder than you’d imagine.

If you’re like most divorced parents, one of your most pressing questions is “How do we create a parenting plan for our family?” Juggling work schedules, extracurricular activities, visits to grandparents, and more can feel impossible.

Fortunately, there’s a lot you can do to rein in the chaos. Let’s take a look at a few insights on creating a calendar that works for your whole family.

Tips Before Starting

Whether you’re just filing for divorce or you’ve been co-parenting for years, make sure to start on the right foot.

Keep the Kids in Mind

This tip may sound obvious, but it’s important.

Co-parenting means setting feelings of hurt aside to focus on what’s best for your kids. Strong emotions can make this hard, but don’t forget that your kids’ stability and happiness come first.

Avoid using your kids as messengers during your discussions about your calendar. You and your co-parent need to be able to speak directly. Aim to address each other with respect, to compromise, and to seek counseling or mediation if needed.

Work as a Team

Though we won’t get too far into this topic here, now is also a good time to discuss the consistency between houses.

What rules will you set up for curfews and other scheduling concerns? What types of privileges, restrictions, and discipline will you use?

Making sure your kids know what to expect from both parents can create a sense of stability.

Types of Joint Custody Schedules

Depending on your family’s needs, there are a few different joint custody schedules you can choose from.

Alternating Weeks

The most common option is a weekly parenting schedule. This involves allowing kids to switch from home to home on alternating weeks. Often, the transition between homes is easiest over the weekend.

Some families adapt this schedule by adding visits or overnight stays in the middle of the week. This can help ensure that kids get to see each parent at least once per week, and it can also allow kids to attend certain extracurriculars.

Weekend Schedule

The weekend schedule, also called a 5-2 schedule, means that one parent gets the kids each weekday while the other gets them on weekends. This is ideal for parents who prefer a set schedule, though it often means the parent with weekend custody gets more downtime with the kids.

Mid-Week Rotations

There are many different types of rotating schedules that offer more contact with both parents during the week. However, these schedules can sometimes make it trickier for kids to stick to an extracurricular schedule.

In a 2-2-3 rotation, for example, kids spend two days with one parent, two days with another, and three days back with the first. The schedule allows parents to swap the three-day weekend between households.

Other schedules include 3-3-4-4 rotations and 2-2-5-5 rotations. Some families also alternate between either two- or three-day rotations.

Brainstorming Your Post-Divorce Schedule

Co-parenting schedules will always look different from family to family. After all, just as every family is different, so is every child within that family. When you and your ex consider your new schedule, make sure you’re thinking about every detail that makes your family unique.

At this point, it helps to have your calendars, special dates, and other scheduling details in front of you.

Here are a few things you’ll want to consider while you brainstorm:

  • The ages of your children
  • Any special needs your children have
  • The types of child custody each parent has
  • The arrival and dismissal times for each child’s school
  • Each child’s extracurricular schedule
  • Each parent’s work schedule
  • Holidays, religious celebrations, and school breaks
  • Third-party visits, such as weeks with grandparents or relatives
  • The travel time between both households
  • The financial situation of each household
  • Each child’s medical needs

Talking to your child or children is helpful as well. When the situation allows, let them make choices about when they move homes and where they stay.

It’s also a good idea to avoid a few key things. For example, try not to make your transition times unreasonable when possible. Early morning or late night transitions can be hard on kids.

Though it can’t always be helped, try not to make your kids move between households too often in a single week. This is especially true for small children, who often need more stability.

Creating a Visual Calendar

Once you’ve brainstormed the type of plan you want and the specific scheduling for your family, creating a calendar can help. This makes it easier for everyone to see where kids should be at all times.

Ideally, your co-parenting calendar information should be online and interactive. This makes it easy to stay organized and see your schedule at a glance on the go.

Tweaking Your Post-Separation Schedule

Keep in mind that no schedule should be set in stone. It’s important, especially in the beginning, to make sure that your calendar is meeting your kids’ needs.

As you start using your schedule, take note of any issues that arise. Be careful not to assign blame for these issues while everyone adjusts to the calendar.

Common issues include missed pickups, events that run longer than expected, and scheduling conflicts. You should also get a feel for your children’s behavior and their reactions to the new calendar.

If any issues seem to be more than a one-off mistake, don’t be afraid to tweak your calendar.

If you happen to be using our parenting schedules, note that they can help you send messages and make change requests online. This can help parents adjust their schedules and find alternative dates fast.

Insights From Our Family to Yours

Here at 2houses, we know how stressful it can be to manage custody after a separation or divorce. That’s why we work to offer helpful tips and resources to parents who want the best for their kids.

Our online calendar is a great tool for any parent who needs a little help getting organized. Setting schedules, sending messages, and managing changes is a breeze through our simple interface. To try it for yourself, start your 14-day free trial now!