Category: Education

Divorce is hard—on you, on your ex, and most of all, on your child.

One day, everything changes. The home they knew splits in two, and suddenly, they’re expected to move between worlds, adjusting to different rules, different vibes, different versions of “normal.” And sometimes… they push back.

Maybe they cry at drop-off. Maybe they beg not to go. Maybe they flat-out refuse.

As a parent, your heart breaks. You want to fix it—but how? Do you force them? Do you give in? Do you call your ex, a lawyer, a therapist?

We understand how heartbreaking it can be when, after a divorce, your child refuses to visit their other parent—or even starts refusing to visit you. You’re not alone. Many parents today are facing this exact situation.

That’s why we’ve put together this A-to-Z guide on what to do when your child refuses visitation with one parent. Before considering legal ramifications or parental feelings, the most crucial step is to understand why your child is resisting visitation.

Why Your Child Might Refuse Visitation – Here are some reasons : 

If your child suddenly refuses visitation, it’s not usually out of the blue. There’s almost always something going on beneath the surface—and understanding the “why” is the first step to helping them feel heard and supported.

Here are some of the common reasons we’ve noticed:

Parental conflict can create a lot of stress for kids. Even if you think you’re hiding disagreements, kids are super smart and pick up on tension. They might not want to visit because it feels like they’re in the middle of something.

Sometimes kids feel like they have to choose sides. Maybe they feel like loving one parent means upsetting the other. This can create a lot of internal conflict, and refusing visits might be their way of dealing with that pressure.

Differences in homes can be unsettling. If the rules, routines, or just the general vibe are really different, it can make a child anxious. Going back and forth between these different worlds can be tough.

Big changes in their life can shift things. A new school, losing a friend, or getting really into an activity can change their priorities and schedules. What worked before might not work now.

Sometimes, there are real worries about the other parent. This could be anything from feeling like the other parent isn’t there for them emotionally to more serious stuff. If you have any concerns like this, it’s really important to take them seriously and get professional help to make sure your child is safe.

What one parent says or does can have a big impact. Even little negative comments can influence how a child feels about the other parent and their visits.

Kids’ needs change as they get older. A little one might have separation anxiety, while a teenager might just want more time with their friends and more independence. What worked when they were younger might need to be adjusted as they grow.

Initial Steps to Take When Your Child Refuses Visitation

When you see that your child refuses visitation, the initial response is crucial in setting the tone for how the situation will be handled. Reacting impulsively or emotionally can escalate the problem.

1. Stay Calm and Really Listen to Your Child

First things first—stay calm. Don’t get upset, and try not to interrupt them. Just let them talk. Make sure your child feels safe to share how they feel, even if it’s hard to hear.

You can ask gentle questions like:

• “Can you tell me what’s bothering you about going today?”
  
  
• “What’s making you feel this way?”

Listen closely. Repeat back what you hear so they know you’re really trying to understand. This builds trust and helps them open up more.

2. Talk to the Other Parent (Only If It’s Safe)

If you and the other parent have a decent relationship, let them know what’s going on. Keep the conversation focused on your child, not blame. Say something like, “I wanted to talk to you about [child’s name]—they’ve been struggling with visits lately. Maybe we can figure this out together.”

But: If there’s a history of abuse, high conflict, or manipulation, skip direct contact. Instead, talk to a therapist or lawyer for advice.

3. Write Everything Down

Keep notes about what’s happening. Write down the dates, what your child said, how they acted, and anything you discussed with the other parent. This can really help later if you need to involve a counselor, mediator, or court.

Also, keeping track might help you notice a pattern—like if your child gets upset after certain events.

4. Check Your Custody Agreement

Take a look at your custody papers. Make sure you understand what the court order says about visitation. Even though your child’s feelings are important, you’re still legally responsible for following the plan unless it’s officially changed by the court.

Strategies for Encouraging Visitation (When Appropriate and Safe)

Once the initial steps have been taken, and if the situation does not involve safety concerns, there are several strategies that can be employed to encourage visitation.

Deal with the Real Issues (If You Know Them)

If your child has told you exactly what’s bothering them—like not liking the routine at the other house—talk about it. Maybe both parents can work together to fix it, like setting a more regular schedule.

Sometimes, just letting the child be part of the solution helps them feel more in control and open to visiting again.

Take It Slow (If Needed)

If your child is really anxious, maybe start with short visits. Even meeting in a neutral place (like a park or café) might help. The goal is to help them feel safe and not overwhelmed. You could also consider supervised visits if needed—especially if there’s been a long break or concerns about their well-being.

Focus on the Good (But Don’t Bribe Them)

Remind your child of the fun things they’ve done with the other parent—like playing games, going out for ice cream, or just hanging out. Talk about the emotional benefits, not just gifts or treats. Bribing can backfire.

Instead, keep the focus on love, memories, and the bond between parent and child.

Let Them Know It’s Okay to Love Both Parents

Reassure your child that loving both parents is normal and okay. Say something like:
“It’s fine to enjoy time with your other parent. It doesn’t mean you love me any less.”

Never guilt-trip them. Kids need to feel free to love both parents without picking sides.

Make Transitions Easier

Work with the other parent to make pick-up and drop-off smooth and low-stress. Stick to the same routine, speak kindly to each other in front of the child, and keep adult issues out of earshot.

Even small signs of teamwork between parents help your child feel more secure and less anxious about visitation.

When You should take Professional Help if your child refuses visitation 

Sometimes, when a child refuses to visit their other parent, it’s more than just a phase—it could be a sign that they need some help. If your child seems upset, scared, or just keeps saying no to visits, it might be time to talk to a family therapist. A family therapist or counselor can help your child talk about their feelings and figure out why they don’t want to go. They can also help you and the other parent communicate better, solve conflicts, and focus on what’s best for your child.

If you and the other parent keep arguing about visits, mediation can help. A mediator is a neutral person who helps both of you work things out without going to court. But if there’s a safety concern, the other parent isn’t following the custody order, or you just can’t agree, you might need legal help.In serious cases—like if you think your child is being abused or neglected—you should contact Child Protective Services (CPS). Just make sure your concerns are real, because false reports can cause big problems. The most important thing is keeping your child safe and happy.

Legal Implications and Parental Rights: What Happens When Your Child Refuses Visitation or Rejects Time with the Other Parent?

Legally, both parents are expected to follow the court’s visitation schedule unless there’s an official change to it. Even if your child doesn’t want to go, you’re still responsible for encouraging those visits.

If the visits keep getting missed, and the other parent takes it to court, the parent who didn’t follow the schedule could get into legal trouble. This might mean being held in contempt of court, getting fined, or even facing changes to the custody agreement. Courts do understand that kids sometimes have strong feelings, but they also expect both parents to stick to the plan and do what’s best for the child.

Now, if your child is older and keeps saying they don’t want to go, it might be time to talk to a lawyer about possibly changing the custody order. A judge might consider your child’s wishes, especially if they’re mature enough to explain why. But it’s not just about what the child wants—the court looks at many things, like the child’s age, emotional health, and the reasons behind their refusal.

In some cases, your child might get a chance to speak with a judge or a court-appointed professional, like a guardian ad litem. They help the court understand the child’s perspective. Every state handles this differently, so it’s important to check with a local family law attorney to know exactly what steps you can take. Always remember, the goal is to find the best path forward for your child’s well-being.

Things NOT to Do When Your Child Refuses Visitation

First, don’t try to force your child to go. Pressuring them or dragging them into the car will only make things worse. It can make your child more upset and might even hurt your bond with them. Instead, try to talk with your child calmly and find out what’s really bothering them.

Also, try your best not to say bad things about the other parent around your child. Even small comments can make your child feel torn or guilty. They love both of you, and hearing one parent talk badly about the other can make them feel stuck in the middle.

And finally, don’t ignore the problem. Hoping it’ll go away on its own usually backfires. Talk to your child, listen to their feelings, and if needed, get help from a counselor or mediator. Solving things early keeps small issues from becoming big ones.

The key is patience, understanding, and putting your child’s emotions first. It’s not easy, but handling things the right way now will help everyone in the long run.

Life after divorce is tough enough, but bringing two families together? That’s a whole new level of challenge! Now, imagine adding ADHD into the mix—suddenly, everyday routines can feel like navigating through a storm. ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, can impact how kids learn, connect with others, and handle emotions, which makes blending families a bit more tricky. But don’t worry, there’s hope! With the right approach, you can make it work smoothly.

In this post, we’ll share tips on managing ADHD in a blended family after divorce, so you can create a happier, more peaceful home.

Challenges ADHD Brings to a Blended Family

Blended families come with their own unique set of challenges, and when ADHD is added to the mix, things can get even trickier. Imagine you’re a step-parent trying to build a bond with your stepchild, but you don’t know they have ADHD. You might see certain behaviors as rude or lazy when, in reality, they’re struggling with things that are out of their control. This can lead to a lot of frustration on both sides.

Biological parents also don’t know how to handle ADHD. Maybe one parent wants to stick to a strict routine, while the other is more relaxed. This back-and-forth can be really confusing for a child with ADHD because they often need consistency and structure to feel secure.

Another common issue is when the child says, “You’re not my real parent,” to the step-parent. It’s hurtful, but it’s even harder when ADHD is in the picture. Kids with ADHD can have a tough time managing their emotions, which makes it difficult for them to connect with new family members.

Btw, Let’s talk about some of the biggest challenges ADHD can bring to a blended family:

• Kids with ADHD might struggle to understand social cues, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in the family.
• When parents and step-parents don’t agree on how to handle ADHD, it confuses the child and adds anxiety.
• A child with ADHD often needs extra attention, which can cause step-siblings to feel jealous or left out.
• ADHD can lead to impulsive behavior and emotional outbursts, creating stress for everyone in the family.
• Managing ADHD while building new family relationships can overwhelm parents and lead to burnout.
• Advocating for the educational needs of a child with ADHD is challenging, especially in a blended family setting.
• The involvement of multiple parents and schools can complicate the process of supporting a child’s learning needs.

Strategies for Managing ADHD in a Blended Family

Successfully managing ADHD in a blended family requires flexibility and cooperation. Below are some practical strategies to ensure your child with ADHD receives the support they need:

1. Keep Routines Consistent Across Both Homes

Kids with ADHD thrive on routines. They feel more secure when they know what to expect. So, if your child is moving between two homes, try to keep things as consistent as possible. This means having similar rules, schedules, and bedtimes.

For example, if your child spends weekdays with mom and weekends with dad and stepmom, make sure bedtime is the same in both places. You can even use a shared calendar to track bedtimes, homework schedules, and activities. This helps your child stay on track and minimizes confusion and anxiety.

2. Talk, Talk, and Talk Some More

Communication between parents is key. Make sure both biological and step-parents are on the same page when it comes to managing ADHD. Share what works, what doesn’t, and any medication schedules. Regular check-ins between everyone will help you identify and address any problems before they grow.

Keep all parents involved in therapy sessions or treatment plans. That way, everyone is working together, and your child benefits from a unified approach.

3. Help Your Child Express Their Feelings

Kids with ADHD often struggle with managing their emotions. Create a safe space where they can talk about their feelings, whether it’s with a parent, step-parent, or therapist. Let them know it’s okay to feel frustrated or anxious, and encourage them to share those feelings.

For example, if they’re feeling uneasy about being part of a new family, let them talk about it. Just knowing that they’re being heard can make a huge difference in reducing stress and anxiety.

4. Teach the Whole Family About ADHD

It’s important that everyone in the blended family understands what ADHD is. This includes siblings, step-parents, and extended family members. ADHD isn’t about bad behavior or poor parenting—it’s a neurological condition.

Talk openly with your family members about ADHD. This helps clear up any misunderstandings and builds empathy and patience among all family members.

5. Get Professional Help When Needed

Blended families with ADHD can benefit greatly from family counseling. A therapist can offer strategies tailored to your specific situation and help with any issues that arise. ADHD coaching can also provide valuable support for your child and offer parents guidance on managing symptoms.

Managing ADHD in a blended family isn’t always easy, but with a bit of planning and open communication, you can create a supportive environment for your child to thrive. Keep talking, stay consistent, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Parenting is like walking a tightrope—balancing love and discipline without losing your footing. But what if you could blend the nurturing vibe of an authoritative parent with the firmness of an authoritarian? 

Is it really possible to craft a parenting style that’s equal parts love and control? And most importantly, how does it impact your child’s growth and development?

In this post, we’ll break it down, bust myths, and reveal if mixing these approaches can actually work wonders for your kids.

Can You Blend Authoritarian and Authoritative Styles?

Many parents find themselves unconsciously adopting a mix of parenting styles. For instance, Maybe you’re firm and strict when it comes to rules around safety, but more flexible and understanding when dealing with schoolwork or emotions. So, does this combination actually help your kids, or does it just leave them confused?

Well, it’s all about balance and consistency. And my answer is – Yes, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles can work, but only if you’re careful not to send mixed messages. A combination of authoritarian and authoritative approaches can be effective when done thoughtfully. 

However, If you’re constantly switching approaches, it might create uncertainty for your child. 

The Risks of Inconsistent Parenting

Through a survey of thousands of families, we noticed a common pattern: parents often switch up their parenting style to manage different situations with their kids. But here’s the thing—this inconsistency can sometimes do more harm than good. 

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children who experience mixed messages from their parents are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation and develop anxiety or defiance. 

For example, if one day you’re strict and authoritarian, and the next you’re lenient and nurturing, your child might feel lost about what’s expected of them. It’s like changing the rules of a game halfway through—no one knows what to do next!

Benefits of a Well-Blended Approach

When you mix the right amount of structure and support, it can really work wonders for your child. You know kids need both structure and emotional support. So, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles—when done thoughtfully—can help achieve this balance.

Here’s what that looks like: you can stick to the rules like an authoritarian parent, but also talk to your child and show understanding like an authoritative parent. This way, your child knows what’s expected of them, and they feel supported too. They’ll follow the rules because they understand why they’re important, not just because they’re scared of punishment.

When the Mix Leans Too Far Toward Authoritarianism

The balance of parenting styles is really important. If a parent is too strict and controlling (authoritarian), the benefits of being firm yet supportive (authoritative) may be lost. A parent who is usually strict but occasionally tries to be supportive might not give their child the emotional security they need.

From what we’ve seen, kids who grow up in very strict homes often have low self-esteem, trouble with friends, and behavior problems. Sometimes, strict parenting can make kids want to rebel against their parents. When rules are too harsh and punishments are severe, children may become afraid to make mistakes. This fear can stop them from becoming independent and confident..

Final Thoughts – Strive for Balance, but Aim for Authoritative

It’s important to mix parenting styles, but you should aim to be more authoritative. 

Good parenting isn’t just about letting kids do whatever they want. It’s about creating a structured environment where children know the rules and what happens if they break them, while also feeling supported and encouraged to grow. By combining good communication, warmth, and discipline, parents can build a healthy and trusting relationship with their kids, helping them succeed in life.

In the end, mixing parenting styles can work, but always make sure to put emotional support first. If you need help with parenting, schedule a meeting with us. Our experienced parenting coach is here to help you become the best parent you can be!

Parenting is a journey that keeps changing as our kids grow. What worked yesterday might not be enough today. If you’ve been using a strict parenting style with lots of rules and high expectations, you might want to consider shifting to a more flexible approach. This change can lead to healthier relationships and happier emotions for both you and your child.

Authoritative parenting sets high standards but also includes warmth, support, and open communication. Let’s dive into how you can make this shift and why it’s so important for a happy family life in the long run.

The Difference Between Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

Before we get into the how-to, let’s take a moment to understand the big differences between these two parenting styles.

Authoritarian Parenting: This style is all about strict rules and doesn’t focus much on emotions. Parents expect their kids to obey without any discussion. Because of this, children in authoritarian homes often feel ignored. This can lead to problems like low self-esteem and feelings of resentment.

Authoritative Parenting: On the other hand, authoritative parenting mixes high expectations with emotional support. Parents set clear rules but also talk openly with their kids. This allows children to express their feelings and opinions. Kids raised in authoritative homes usually grow up to be more disciplined, confident, and better at handling their emotions.

If you want to learn more, check out our article “Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting.” We break down the differences step by step, making it easy to understand.

The Effects of Authoritarian Parenting on Children

From our experience we see that kids raised in authoritarian households often face big challenges. They can struggle with anxiety, feel emotionally distant, and act out. A famous study by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s found that children in these strict homes usually lack the social skills and confidence that kids with more supportive parents have. It’s also common to see that authoritarian parenting can lead to rebellion in teenagers.

Let me share a story about a family in Bridge City, TX. There was a 15-year-old girl named Maria who lived under her father’s strict rules. There was no room for negotiation. Even though she did well in school, she was always afraid of making mistakes, which made her very anxious. Feeling alone, she started to rebel in small ways—like lying about where she was or avoiding talks with her dad.

When her father finally realized that his strict approach was pushing Maria away instead of helping her succeed, he decided to learn about authoritative parenting methods. He wanted to rebuild their relationship and create a more open and supportive environment.

Steps to Transition from Authoritarian to Authoritative Parenting

1. Start with Self-Reflection
The first step is to recognize your authoritarian habits. Do you often set rules without explaining why? Is there little open communication? Take some time to reflect on your parenting style. Knowing where you are will help guide the changes you need to make.

Tip: Try journaling your thoughts and parenting challenges—it can help you see patterns and understand what needs to change.

2. Develop Open Communication

One key aspect of authoritative parenting is making sure your child feels heard. Start having conversations about their feelings and opinions. This doesn’t mean letting them have their way, but rather giving them a chance to express themselves while you maintain boundaries.

For example, if your child asks for more screen time, instead of just saying “No,” explain why you have limits and maybe offer a compromise, like extra screen time on weekends. This way, they feel respected and you still keep control.

3. Offer Choices Within Limits

Authoritarian parents sometimes think that giving choices weakens their authority. But providing limited options helps kids develop decision-making skills while you stay in charge.

For instance, instead of saying, “Do your homework now,” offer them a choice: “Do you want to do your homework now or after dinner?”

In Maria’s case (the girl from Bridge City, TX), her dad started giving her small choices, like what to wear or when to complete chores. She felt more in control, and soon, she was more open to discussing bigger family rules.

4. Set Clear but Flexible Boundaries

Authoritative parents set high standards but know flexibility is important. Start by explaining the reason behind each rule. If you have a curfew for your teen, tell them it’s for their safety and well-being. Be willing to adjust when needed, like extending curfew for a special school event.

5. Build an Emotional Connection

Authoritarian parents often overlook the emotional side of parenting. Make an effort to connect with your child. Spend more time together, listen without judging, and show empathy when they’re upset.

Studies show that children with strong emotional bonds to their parents are less likely to rebel. A study from the University of Delaware found that teens who are emotionally connected with their parents can manage stress better and are more open to discussions.

6. Use Positive Reinforcement Instead of Fear

In authoritarian households, discipline usually involves fear of punishment. Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, focuses on teaching. Start by using positive reinforcement—praise your child when they follow the rules or show good behavior. For example, tell them you’re proud when they finish their homework on time or handle a tough situation calmly.

7. Be Patient with the Transition
Moving from authoritarian to authoritative parenting won’t happen overnight. Your child might resist at first, especially if they’re used to following rules out of fear. Be patient, and let the relationship grow at its own pace.

In Maria’s case, her father faced resistance when he tried to talk things out instead of just giving orders. But as Maria started to see that her voice mattered, their relationship got better, and her anxiety went down.

Final Thoughts

Making the switch from authoritarian to authoritative parenting is a positive change that can really benefit your child’s emotional and mental growth. As I said before, the reality is – It won’t happen overnight. But with patience and consistent effort, you’ll see the rewards—a stronger relationship with your child and a happier home.

Need help or advice? Reach out to the 2houses team. We’re here to support you!

Imagine growing up in a home where every move is monitored, every choice questioned, and any hint of independence is met with disapproval. That’s how it was for Reene. Her parents weren’t just strict—they enforced a set of rules so rigid that even a minute past curfew felt like a crime.

 The intention was to keep her safe, shield her from potential harm, and mold her into the “perfect” daughter. But instead of feeling secure, Reene felt suffocated. The tighter her parents held the reins, the more she yearned to break free.

By the time high school rolled around, Reene wasn’t just pushing boundaries—she was shattering them. Skipping classes, sneaking out at night, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and even experimenting with underage drinking became her norm. It was her way of taking back the control she felt was stolen from her. 

When her parents discovered what was going on, they didn’t loosen up. Instead, they cracked down even harder, adding more rules, restrictions, and severe punishments. The result? A relationship that grew colder and more distant by the day.

Reene’’s story isn’t unique. In fact, it highlights a common issue: the paradox of authoritarian parenting. Often fueled by love and the desire to protect, this approach can backfire, pushing teenagers toward rebellion rather than keeping them safe. 

Curious about why this happens and what you can do differently? Let’s dive into the complexities of authoritarian parenting and discover how it can turn well-meaning intentions into a recipe for conflict and defiance.

Let’s Understand The Psychology Behind Teenage Rebellion

As a parenting coach, I want to help you understand what’s happening in your teenager’s mind. It’s important to know that teenagers are hardwired to seek independence and figure out who they are. Psychologists like Erik Erikson point out that this time in their lives is all about exploring freedom and building their identity.

When parents use a strict, authoritarian approach, it can make teens feel trapped. Instead of seeing rules as safety nets, they start to view them as unfair limits on their freedom.

Teens raised in strict households often don’t learn how to think critically about their choices. They may follow rules, but it’s usually out of fear of punishment rather than understanding. As they grow and feel the urge to be independent, they might rebel to take back control over their lives. This rebellion can show up in different ways, like breaking rules, taking risks, or directly challenging their parents.

What Research says on Authoritarian Parenting and Rebellion

Studies show that strict, authoritarian parenting can lead to problems for teens. Research from the University of New Hampshire found that kids with authoritarian parents struggle more with social skills and are more likely to rebel than those with parents who use a more balanced approach, like authoritative parenting. The lack of open communication and emotional support in strict households makes teens feel misunderstood and controlled, pushing them to act out as a way to claim their independence.

Another study, published in the Journal of Adolescence, looked at how different parenting styles affect teens over time. It found that teens with authoritarian parents often showed more defiance and aggression, especially when their parents were too controlling or ignored their feelings. These teens were also more likely to deal with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, which made them even more rebellious.

Why Teens Often Rebel Against Authoritarian Parents – Insights from Over a Decade of Experience

Over the past decade, We’ve spoken with countless parents about their struggles with strict, authoritarian parenting styles. One thing we’ve noticed, time and again, is that enforcing rules without room for open conversation or mutual respect leads to one big issue: a loss of trust.

When you constantly set rules and punishments without considering your teen’s thoughts and feelings, they don’t see it as guidance—they see it as control. And that’s when the rebellion starts. Here are some key reasons why strict parenting can push teens to act out:

1. Lack of Independence

Teens want to feel independent. When they’re not given the chance to make choices or share their opinions, they start feeling powerless. Rebellion then becomes their way of taking back some control over their own lives.

2. Resentment and Frustration

Strict rules can make teens feel resentful. They may start seeing you as more of a boss than a parent. This resentment builds up over time and can turn into defiant behavior as they try to express their frustration.

3. Risky Behavior

Teens raised under rigid rules often take risky actions—like sneaking out or drinking underage—as a way to rebel. It’s their way of showing they can make their own choices, even if those choices aren’t the safest.

4. Poor Decision-Making Skills

If teens aren’t allowed to make their own decisions or learn from their mistakes, they miss out on valuable life lessons. This lack of experience can lead to poor choices later, which only adds to the cycle of punishment and rebellion.

5. Bullying and Revenge

There’s also a link between authoritarian parenting and bullying. Studies show that kids with strict, controlling parents are more likely to be involved in bullying—either as victims or perpetrators. When kids feel trapped or punished at home, they might take out their frustrations on others or seek revenge in harmful ways.

Is There Any Better Alternative If Authoritarian  Parenting Causes Trouble?

If you’re looking for a more effective way to raise well-rounded teens, consider switching the parenting style.

Yes, I’m talking about authoritative parenting. It’s like finding the perfect balance between being a cool friend and a wise parent. You set the rules, but you also listen to them and explain why they’re important.

Trust me, it works. A study showed that teens raised this way are less likely to rebel and more likely to make good choices. They feel heard and respected, which is a big deal!

So, instead of being too strict or too laid-back, try being a supportive guide. Give them room to grow, but also let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.

It might just make a world of difference in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Authoritarian parenting may feel like it keeps things in order, but it often leads to more problems.

Especially when your child becomes a teenager. Strict rules and lack of emotional support can make teens want to rebel even more. Finding a balance between setting rules and keeping communication open can help your teen navigate this challenging stage without unnecessary conflict.

Need help with parenting strategies? Contact us today for personalized advice and support!

Divorce: It’s like a new adventure, full of twists and turns. Parents and kids are on this journey together, and it can be challenging. Kids especially need someone to help them find their way. Their feelings can be all over the place, so understanding their emotions is key to making sure they feel loved and supported by both parents.

In this guide, we’ll look at how divorce affects kids at different ages, from babies and toddlers to school kids and teens. We’ll also talk about what influences how kids see divorce and the common feelings they might have.

Factors That Affect How Kids See Divorce

Kids’ reactions to divorce can be influenced by several things, such as:

• Their age and stage of development
• Their relationship with each parent
• The level of conflict and communication between parents
• The family’s financial situation and access to resources
• Cultural and religious beliefs
• Past experiences with family changes

Common Emotional Reactions of Kids to Divorce

Your child might feel a mix of emotions during a divorce, and you may notice following things:

• Sadness, grief, and a sense of loss
• Anger, resentment, and frustration
• Anxiety, fear, and insecurity
• Guilt, self-blame, and low self-esteem
• Withdrawal, depression, and social isolation

How Children Feel About Divorce at Different Ages

Infants and Toddlers

Even babies can sense when their parents are stressed or upset during a divorce. If they don’t get extra comfort, they might become very clingy, cranky, or have angry outbursts. During this time, it’s crucial to keep their daily routines the same. This means regular nap times, meals, and playdates should not change. They also need extra hugs, comfort, and attention. For example, if a toddler usually goes to bed at 8 PM, make sure this stays the same even if parents are going through tough times.

Pre-School and Early Elementary Years

Young children in preschool and early elementary school might show their stress by throwing tantrums or acting out. The parent who doesn’t live with them all the time should try to visit more and spend extra time reassuring them. These children often feel insecure and need to know they won’t be left alone. They might even try to get their parents back together, like in the movie “Parent Trap.” For instance, a child might start crying more often or misbehaving in school to get more attention from their parents.

Adolescents and Early Teens

Kids around 12 or 13 often feel mad or upset when their parents break up. They might say their head or tummy hurts more often, and if they have a problem like asthma, it could get worse. They might start lying, trying to trick people, or even stealing little stuff. It’s important to talk to them a lot and tell them what’s going on. Treat them like grown-ups and share info with them. Keep an eye on what they do at school and home, and make sure they follow the rules. Getting help from a family counselor can help them deal with their feelings. If your teen skips school or stays in their room a lot, it means they need more help.

Teenagers

Older teenagers have a better understanding of divorce but may still respond immaturely, often concealing their emotions. Encouraging open dialogue about their feelings is essential. Be vigilant for signs of depression, such as withdrawal from school activities, friends, or the use of alcohol or drugs. Avoid placing adult responsibilities on them, like expecting a teenage boy to assume the role of the man of the house or a teenage girl to care for younger siblings, as they are still children and should be allowed to act their age. 

Also, Respect their autonomy in deciding how frequently they want to visit each parent and remain flexible with their living arrangements; for example, if a teen prefers to stay with one parent during the week and the other on weekends, support this decision to help them feel a sense of control.

Finally I’d like to say, Divorce can be challenging for your children. But with the right support and understanding, they can navigate this transition and emerge stronger. If you need any help, contact us today or schedule a meeting.

Lying is a common behavior among children, and while it’s not condoned, it isn’t always a cause for alarm. But, It’s important to understand why they lie and to handle it the right way. When tackling this issue, keep in mind the child’s age and how often these fibs are popping up.

Age and Its Role in Lying

Early Childhood (Under 6 Years)

Kids under six often lie because of their imagination, not to deceive. They mix up reality and fiction, creating harmless stories. Gently explain the difference between truth and lies. Tell them it’s fun to make up stories but being honest is important in real life. Avoid calling them “bad” for lying to prevent guilt and more lying to hide their behavior.

Middle Childhood (Ages 6-12)

As kids grow, their reasons for lying get more complex. Between six and twelve, they might lie to avoid punishment, finish tasks, or stay out of trouble. For example, they might make up an excuse for being late. Make sure they are lying before confronting them, as false accusations can hurt trust. Suitable consequences for lying can include taking away TV or video game time or grounding them.

Adolescence (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers face new challenges and seek more independence. Their lies often involve partying, curfews, and personal freedom. Confirm they are lying before taking action. Talk to them to understand their perspective, then set appropriate consequences like limiting cell phone or driving privileges. Make it clear these actions are for their safety and well-being, not just punishment.

Dealing with Frequent Lying: Simple Steps

If your child is lying a lot, it might mean they’re stressed or trying to handle too many things at once, like school, home, and friends. When this happens, let them know you notice the lies and want to help. Offer your support to make things easier for them. If they keep lying, it’s important to set some consequences, like grounding. But remember, always keep talking to them to understand why they’re lying and how you can help fix the problem.

When Lying Might Mean Something More Serious?

Sometimes, lying a lot or in a harmful way can point to bigger problems. If your child doesn’t seem to care about how their lies affect others or lies to hurt someone, it’s time to get professional help. A psychologist or counselor can find out what’s really going on. Getting help early can stop these issues from getting worse.

Consistency Between Separated Parents

When parents live in different homes, it’s really important to be consistent with how they handle things like lying. If one parent responds one way and the other does something different, it can confuse the child and make it harder to deal with the behavior.

Parents need to work together and be on the same page. 2houses.com’s co-parenting app can help them communicate better and stay consistent. This app is great for managing discipline and keeping track of important aspects of the child’s life, like school and social activities. It can be especially helpful for dealing with any lies the child might tell.

Tips for Handling Your Child’s Lying

Set Clear Expectations
Start early by talking to your child about the importance of honesty. Explain why being truthful matters and what can happen if they lie. Use simple words and examples they can relate to.

Be a Role Model
Kids watch and learn from their parents. Show them how to be honest by being truthful yourself, even when it’s tough. Your actions will teach them that honesty is important.

Create a Safe Space
Make sure your child feels they can talk to you about anything without fear of getting in trouble. A safe, non-judgmental environment helps them be more open and less likely to lie.

Encourage Honesty
Praise your child when they tell the truth, especially if it’s a tough situation. Rewarding honesty helps them see its value and makes them feel good about being truthful.

Handle Mistakes Wisely
If your child lies, stay calm and talk about what happened. Help them understand why lying was a problem and discuss better ways to handle similar situations in the future. Focus on finding solutions rather than just punishing them.

If you think you can’t handle your child’s lying, try reaching out to a parenting coach or a psychology expert for additional support. They can offer personalized guidance to help you navigate these challenges.

Need more help? Don’t hesitate to consult a professional for advice and support!

Communication between you and your ex is crucial for successful co-parenting. But when should you start involving your child in the conversation about joint custody schedules? Opinions vary widely, from advocating for children’s extensive input as early as the preteen years to believing that only the parents and judge should decide. 

If you’re wondering if it’s time to ask your child about joint custody schedules and time-sharing, here are three factors to consider.

1. Age of Your Child

As your child gets older, they should have more input on the custody schedule. Older kids can better understand their relationships with each parent and share their thoughts. They also often have extracurricular activities, sports, and social events that need to be considered when making the schedule.

2. Maturity of Your Child

A child’s emotional maturity doesn’t always match their age. It’s important to understand their reasons before agreeing to what they want. For example, a teen wanting to live with their mom just because they were grounded shouldn’t be treated the same as a child who genuinely feels they need more time with their dad.

3. Your State’s Laws

Each state has its own rules about considering a child’s wishes in a joint custody schedule. In some places, like West Virginia, a judge will strongly consider what a child wants after they turn 14. But in most states, the main focus is on what’s best for the child. So, whether a child gets a say depends on if the judge thinks their wishes are in their best interests.

Strategies for Involving Your Child in Joint Custody Decisions:

If your child has a preference for living with one parent or wants more input in the custody schedule, it’s important to listen and ask questions. Here’s how you can involve your child effectively:

1. As a parent it’s your duty to create a Safe Space for Talking. Make sure your child feels safe and comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of being judged. This helps them talk honestly.

2. Don’t hesitate to use a third party if needed. Sometimes, a neutral person, like a family therapist or mediator, can help with these talks. They give a fair view and help your child share their feelings.

3. Hold regular family meetings where everyone, including your child, can talk about schedules, upcoming events, and any concerns. This encourages openness and ensures everyone feels listened to.

4. Encourage your child to keep a journal. Tell you kids to write down their thoughts and feelings about the custody schedule. This can help them understand their emotions and give you insights into their preferences and concerns.

5. Use a co-parenting app. I recommend using the 2houses app to streamline communication and keep everyone on the same page. This app helps you manage schedules, share important information, and reduce misunderstandings.

Here Are Some Tips for You to Create a Child-Centric Schedule

When making a joint custody schedule, careful planning is important. Here’s some advice for you: keep things stable by sticking to regular routines for school, activities, and bedtime. This helps your child feel secure. But also be flexible because life can change, and adjusting the schedule when needed can reduce stress for everyone. Plus, think about how long it takes to travel between each parent’s home and your child’s school, activities, and friends. Long drives can be tiring. You can plan ahead for special events like holidays and birthdays so your child can celebrate with both parents. Lastly, if the schedule needs to change, tell everyone as soon as possible to avoid last-minute stress.

Conclusion

Getting your child involved in decisions about joint custody schedules can be helpful if done thoughtfully. By considering their age, maturity, and your state’s legal guidelines, you can make choices that truly serve your child’s best interests.

Need help figuring this out? Contact the 2houses team today for expert advice tailored to your family’s needs. Let’s work together to find the best solution for your situation.

When parents part ways, it can feel like the ground is shifting under a child’s feet, especially at school. Imagine trying to ace a test while feeling sad or anxious—no easy feat! Kids in this situation often struggle with schoolwork and making friends. Research shows that these emotional ups and downs can seriously impact both their school life and home learning.

Save the Children reminds us that most learning happens at home, not just in the classroom. A supportive home environment can ignite a love for learning and help kids develop vital skills.

What Are the Impacts of Divorce on Children’s Education?

After a divorce, children who split their time between their parents’ homes can face several educational challenges. The instability and disruption of moving between two households can impact their academic performance, emotional well-being, and overall stability. Here’s a breakdown of how divorce can affect your child’s education:

1. Impact on Academic Performance

Inconsistency in Routines
When kids move between two homes, it can mess up their daily routines like study times, bedtimes, and wake-up times. A study by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) found that these inconsistent routines can mess with kids’ sleep patterns. This can hurt their school performance and behavior.

Homework and Study Challenges
Listen, it can be really tough for kids to keep up with their school stuff when they’re going back and forth between two homes. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that kids who live with both parents might have a harder time with homework and staying organized. This can lead to bad grades and extra stress.

Emotional and Psychological Stress
The emotional stress of living in two different homes can cause anxiety, depression, and behavior problems. These issues can affect school performance. The National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) says that kids in joint custody are more likely to have emotional and behavior problems than those in sole custody.

2. Disruption in Social Connections Can affects Your Kid’s education:

School Stability:
Keeping steady friendships at school is really important for kids’ happiness and success in school. But when kids move between two homes, it can be hard for them to make and keep friends. Kids in joint custody often feel lonely and have trouble with friends because they can’t always join in social activities. And it affects their academic performance.

Extracurricular Activities:
Getting involved in extracurricular activities is key for kids’ social growth and school success. But if kids are in shared custody, it can be hard for them to join in these activities. I want to let you know that kids in joint custody often miss out on extracurriculars because coordinating between two homes is tough. And this is not good for their study.

3. Parental Involvement and Communication Matter:

Talking with Your Kids’ Other Parent:
Effective communication between parents is essential for meeting your child’s educational needs. When parents divorce, they may struggle to communicate properly, which can cause issues with school tasks. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), inadequate communication might result in missed school events, incomplete homework, and insufficient support for your child’s academic challenges.

Different Support Levels:
If parents have different ways of handling education, it can lead to uneven support for your child. The National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) found that kids with shared custody often get different levels of help with school, which can affect their progress.

Family Changes:
Divorce can bring a lot of changes, like new partners, remarriages, or even more divorces. The National Register of Health Service Psychologists notes that about 65% of second marriages also end in divorce, so the cycle of dating, remarrying, and divorcing can continue. These changes can stress out parents, making it harder to stay close to their kids. When kids don’t feel close to their parents, it can impact their school performance. They might lose interest in schoolwork or get less help with their education. Feeling disconnected from their parents can also make them anxious or down, which affects their learning.

Practical Steps for Supporting Children’s Education Post-Divorce

After a divorce, it’s important to support your kids’ education with a few simple steps.
First off, let your kids talk about how they feel. It’s important to know if they’re upset about school because of the divorce. Try to keep things as normal as possible. A steady routine for homework, dinner, and bedtime can help them feel safe and secure. Talk to their teachers, too. They can help out if they know what’s going on.

Get your kids involved in stuff they love, like sports or drawing. It’s a great way for them to make friends and feel good about themselves. If they’re really struggling, don’t be afraid to get help from a counselor. They can teach your kids how to deal with their feelings.

Conclusion

Divorce can affect your child’s education, but the impact varies. Parental conflict, poor home support, and instability can make things harder. With the right support and strategies, though, you can help your child succeed academically. Focus on handling the situation well, and you’ll make a big difference. For more tips on supporting your child, reach out today.

Children are very sensitive. Their brains are designed to imitate, repeat, and understand unspoken language. Parents often try to protect their kids from life’s toughest parts, thinking they can also hide their own feelings, especially if those feelings are complicated or involve anger, hurt, jealousy, and doubt. When parents have relationship problems, children can feel jealous as a reflection of the parent’s conflicts.

It’s really important to let your kids know that it’s normal to feel jealous or resentful toward their siblings sometimes. Everyone has selfish moments, and life isn’t always fair. Kids notice even small amounts of favoritism, which can lead to cries of “It’s not fair!” or “Mom always liked you best!”

When sibling jealousy becomes violent or constant, it needs to be addressed with firmness and compassion. If left untreated, jealousy can stunt emotional growth, increase selfishness, and lead to erratic, sometimes dangerous, behavior. These issues are common among children of divorced or separated parents and need extra care and support, not shame and condemnation.

The best way to reduce or avoid sibling rivalries is to frequently remind children of their unique and wonderful qualities. Here are four ways to help children resolve their differences and become lifelong friends as well as siblings.

1. Talk to Your Kids in a Friendly Way

When discussing feelings like jealousy with your  kids, use simple words so that they can understand. This helps them connect with what you’re saying. You should choose language that matches their age. For example, instead of saying “emotional conflicts,” you can say “feeling upset or confused.”

 You can use some examples from their daily lives to make jealousy easier to understand. Like you can say – 

 “Remember when you felt jealous because your sister got the bigger piece of cake? That made you sad, right? It’s okay to feel that way, but it’s important to talk about it.”

This sort of conversation helps your kids to share what’s going on in his/her mind. You can also help them picture what jealousy is. You could say, “Jealousy is like a cloud that covers the sun. When you’re jealous, it’s hard to see the good things around you.”

Always encourage your kids to ask questions if they don’t understand something. This keeps the conversation going.

Example Conversation:

Parent: “You know how you might feel upset when your brother gets a new toy? That feeling is called jealousy. It’s normal, but let’s talk about it.”

Child: “Like what?”

Parent: “Remember when you were jealous and wouldn’t play with him? That made you both sad. Jealousy can make it hard to have fun together, like a big cloud that makes everything gloomy.”

Child: “Yeah, I didn’t like that!”

Parent: “Exactly! Instead of feeling that way, we can talk about it or share. If you feel left out, tell me or your brother so we can work it out together. That way, we can enjoy our time again!”

Using this approach helps your kids understand jealousy and how it affects their relationships.

2. Ensure Your Home Environment and Overcaring Aren’t Fueling Jealousy:

By balancing support and independence, you can create a caring environment that builds your children’s confidence and reduces jealousy.

Don’t Over-Pamper. It’s great to show your child love and attention, but too much pampering can make them feel entitled. When a new sibling arrives or they meet a more confident friend, your child might feel insecure and threatened. This can lead to sadness and low self-esteem if they don’t get constant approval.

Try to avoid Overprotecting. Sometimes, Protecting your child too much can backfire. If you keep them from facing challenges for too long, letting them go suddenly can feel overwhelming. This can make them shy and jealous of more confident friends. Also, if you set strict rules without explaining, it can hurt their self-esteem and make them feel less valuable compared to siblings or friends. As you know your kid’s self esteem is very important. Never forget that your child’s self-esteem is very vital to address.

3. Don’t compare your kids to each other. And don’t prioritize one kid than other

As parents, it’s crucial to avoid comparing your kids to one another. I know it’s a natural tendency, but prioritizing one child over another can create divisions within your family. Each of your children is unique, with their own gifts and talents. By embracing their individuality, you foster the unity you want in your home.

When you consistently compare one child to another, you risk hurting them. They might start believing negative things about themselves, leading to conflicts with siblings, losing interest in activities they once loved, or even developing feelings of superiority. This cycle affects their self-esteem and can strain their relationships with each other.

Be mindful of the labels you use as well. It’s easy to identify one child as “the pretty one” and another as “the smart one,” but these labels can create lasting impressions that shape how your children see themselves and relate to one another.

There will be times when you feel closer to one child due to circumstances or personality compatibility, and that’s completely natural! However, if that imbalance lasts too long, the child who feels overlooked might become hurt and start acting out.

Additionally, pushing your kids to participate in the same activities and comparing their performances can lead to unhealthy competition. Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses, and expecting identical results can create jealousy instead of encouraging personal growth. 

4. Channelize Negative Emotions into Positive Outcomes

Helping your child redirect negative emotions into positive actions can be a powerful tool in addressing feelings like jealousy. For instance, if your child feels envious of a sibling or friend who excels in academics, guide them to use that emotion constructively. Encourage your child to set personal study goals and develop better study habits. You can share successful people’s stories , such as that of Michael Jordan, the legendary basketball player.

Michael Jordan faced numerous setbacks early in his career. He was even cut from his high school basketball team, which could have easily led to feelings of envy and defeat when he saw others succeed. Instead of dwelling on negative emotions, he used the experience to fuel his determination. Jordan practiced relentlessly, honing his skills and pushing himself to improve. His dedication and perseverance transformed his initial frustrations into a legendary career, making him one of the greatest athletes of all time.

By sharing stories like Michael Jordan’s with your child, you can show them that challenges and setbacks are opportunities for growth. Encourage them to channel their feelings of jealousy into productive actions, such as setting a study schedule, seeking help from teachers or tutors, and practicing consistently. By focusing on their own efforts and improvement, they can transform negative emotions into a driving force for success.