Category: Co-parenting

Once your children reach their teen years, many things change, including parenting plans. Whether they are new to having 2houses or their parents have lived apart for many years, kids need a new co-parenting plan when they reach their teen years. At this point in their lives, they can usually take a more active role using a shared family calendar app themselves.

Development Stages that Impact a Co-Parenting Plan for Teens

You remember being a teenager, and you see some of the same changes in your kids. As teens develop a greater sense of their personal identity, they also see their roles in different situations more clearly. This is a natural time to examine the rules and regulations of interacting in society, school, and family and friends.

There is a gradual separation from the family as they develop a stronger sense of self. As teens grow older, they can handle more of their own scheduling for social activities, work, school, extra-curriculars, and other responsibilities. Parents need to provide guidance and support designed to help teens become increasingly more independent. The co-parenting plan needs adjustment to reflect these developmental changes.

Parenting Plans and Schedules Using a Shared Family Calendar App

Creating parenting plans and schedules can seem overwhelming, especially as kids get older and if you have more than one child. Keeping everything together in one place where both parents, and your teens, have access makes scheduling more straightforward and streamlines communication.

Teens are notorious for forgetting deadlines when they are involved in other activities. This normal developmental milestone often sets the stage for conflict with and between co-parents. A shared family calendar app reduces communication breakdowns. It includes everyone in the scheduling process and sets reminders to ensure nothing is forgotten.

Making Co-Parenting Plans More Effective for Teens  

Co-parenting teenagers is a challenge every day. The process of becoming an adult tends to challenge authority, shift priorities, and create new freedoms. Consider these concepts about teenagers.

• Teenagers use their family as a foundation for support and guidance
• Teens still need parental oversight and nurturing, even if they sometimes say otherwise
• Co-parenting plans best allow both parents to be involved in your teen’s life as much as possible.
• This is a time of exploration. Teens enjoy new and different activities while developing relationships outside the family.
• Co-parenting plans for teens must remain flexible because activities often conflict with a parent’s time.
• Teens want greater independence and more control over their schedule. The co-parenting plan should consider your teenager’s preferences. A shared family calendar app gives them a quick way to make their preferences known.
• Co-parents should do everything they can to create consistent rules for curfews, dating, driving, etc.  

Often teens decide they want to live primarily in one home. Do not take this personally! The reasoning is usually because of their friends and other activities. Schedule time during the week to see both parents and make a point of attending activities to see them more.

In Summary

A teenager’s life gets busy with school, extracurriculars, work, and a blossoming social life. Parents may feel left out as the child goes through the normal developmental stages of becoming more independent. Co-parents may find it hard to spend as much time as they would like with their teens.

So, a shared family calendar app from 2houses helps organize and prioritize your teen’s activities. Streamline communications with your co-parent and include your teen in the process.

Custody exchange routines and parenting schedules can be critical to conflict-free co-parenting. And this goes beyond planning which days the kids spend the night with which parent. A family calendar includes every aspect of the children’s lives, like doctor’s and dentist appointments, school events, and holidays. A shared family calendar app can lay a foundation for communication between parents.

Every family is different, but several common parenting schedules support different family lifestyles. You can build any of these into the 2houses shared family calendar app. Let’s look at some options that may work best for your family.

• Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules
• 2-2-3 Co-Parenting Routines
• 2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines
• Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules allow your kids to spend an entire week with each parent before moving back to the other parent’s house. This is good for families where the parents live close enough that the kids can easily get to school and best for older kids. It’s ideal in situations where the kids are mobile enough to make the custody exchange themselves (by riding their bikes home to the other parent’s house, for example.) Consider a mid-week visit for dinner or virtual chat with the other parent.

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines splits the time with your kids 50/50, with each parent having the kids for a couple of days, then the kids go to be with the other parent for a couple of days. Next, the kids go to the first parent for the 3-day weekend to round out the 7-day week. Then, the routine begins again, flipping the days of the week. This allows parents and kids to spend time together on all the days of the week. So nobody misses Monday soccer practices or ballet classes every week. But it can be challenging to keep track of all the custody exchange days for both kids and parents. A shared family calendar app makes a big difference with an arrangement like this, supporting conflict-free co-parenting.

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines are also 50/50 schedules with more frequent custody exchange days. But unlike a 2-2-3 routine, parents and children spend the same days together every week. So, a 2-2-5-5 routine has the child with one parent Monday and Tuesday, the other parent Wednesday and Thursday. The child either goes back with the first parent for 5 days from Friday to Tuesday or stays with the other parent from Wednesday to Sunday to round out the week.

3-3-4-4 family routines create consistency for children because they are with the same parent on the same days of the week. So, children stay in the same house Monday through Thursday while the weekends are the only variables.

Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Parenting time is not always divided evenly. The children live with one parent most of the time, while the other parent visits during the day with some overnights. Every other weekend, with a mid-week visit, is a very common custody exchange schedule. This is often on top of a schedule for alternating holidays.

What are the Best Co-parenting Schedules for Conflict-Free Co-parenting?

Every family is different, so the needs of the children and the lifestyles of each parent combine to create a unique situation. Also, the best co-parenting schedules for preschoolers are likely different from school-aged children and teens. Parents have jobs and other life events that have to be considered, too. 

In Summary

Chances are what co-parenting schedules work best for your family will shift over time. What’s most important is that you and your ex communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings (and conflict.) The 2houses shared family calendar app is specifically designed for you to work together to benefit the children.

Parenting was not all that conflict-free before your divorce. But now, with your emotions on the ragged edge, it can be even harder to keep it together, even for the kids. If you know someone who had one of those easy “we both signed the paper and now we’re divorced” divorces, you may have unrealistic expectations for how easy it is to co-parent with your ex. It’s hard. Sometimes it is outrageously hard.

Likely, the issues are much the same as when you were married. Well, you do divorce the same person you were married to, so of course, it’s the same. But it’s different. There’s no more sacrificing and working on your relationship. Now it is ALL about the kids. ALL. Absolutely ALL about the kids.

There’s volumes written about conflict-free co-parenting, and you should probably read them all (in all that free time you have now! Lol) But there are really just a few basics that matter the most.

1. Communications
2. Recordkeeping
3. Involvement

1.     Communications

Who are we kidding? If your communications with your ex were stellar, you’d still be married. So, this is a huge hurdle for most divorced couples. It’s critical to find a way to keep the lines of communication open about all the kids’ events to keep both of you involved. This is especially true with several children. Homework. Extracurricular activities. Playdates. Birthday parties. It is so easy to forget something and end up not communicating the details to both parents.

Check out our blog on 4 Tips for Keeping Good Communication HERE

That’s where 2houses helps. The shared family calendar app keeps track of all communications and events in one easy-to-access place. So, confirm long weekend plans, ask for signed dental insurance forms, or send soccer practice info – all through the 2houses shared family calendar app.

2.     Recordkeeping

One area that frequently crops up as a potential for conflict is recordkeeping. Many organizations have gone digital, so you may only need a few paper originals. The issue is making sure both parents always have access to all the documents. You’ll probably encounter the need for:

• School and teacher contact information
• School lunch programs
• Clothing and shoe sizes
• Medical bills
• Reimbursement requests with expense records
• Permissions slips
• Insurance information
• Vaccination records
• Gift wish lists
• Phone and address book for your child’s friends  
• And other info specific to your child and your family

The 2houses co-parenting family calendar app uses an information bank, so you can upload anything for both parents to access anytime. Organize documents by child or category as a personalized, instant online filing system. No more scrambling or negative conversations with your ex. Just check the app for all of the details you both need.

3.     Involvement

It is critical that both parents stay involved in the children’s lives. Once you live in separate households, things change. The latest tech makes it easy to say goodnight by video chat, and a shared family calendar app lets you schedule both parents into activities.

Learn more about Keeping in Touch With Your Child When They are Not Home HERE.

Creating a parenting schedule that both of you can access makes it easier for both parents to attend functions without potential conflict in a discussion. Children can also access the 2houses family calendar, controlled by the parent account. So they can contact both parents without having access to private communications between their parents.

Plus, the photo album lets the children or the other parent upload pictures, so they can still attend virtually if the other parent has to miss the event. This is perfect for birthdays, school functions, vacations and selfies the kids take!

In Conclusion

Conflict-free co-parenting takes work. And the kids are worth the effort! But keep in mind the three most critical factors, communications, recordkeeping, and involvement. Use every tool at your disposal to maintain these, and your co-parenting becomes less stressful for everyone.

Start your FREE 14-Day trial with the 2houses shared family calendar app now, and then see how it can help keep your co-parenting conflict-free.

When your child is coming of age it can be challenging for all parties involved. From bodily changes, relationships, newfound independence, and everything in between, it can be confusing and overwhelming. On top of that, it can especially seem awkward to navigate it all with your co-parent. If you are not careful some of your teenager’s needs can be lost in the shuffle and the last thing you want to overlook is self-esteem. It can be easy to brush it aside at first, and you can tell yourself it’s just a teenage thing that everyone goes through. However, it is critical that both you and your co-parent are able to be a champion of your teen’s confidence and don’t neglect any signs of low self-esteem. Make no mistake, now is the time to work together to understand the importance of self-esteem. Continue reading to discover key areas to focus your attention on to best empower your young adult.

Take Note of Your Teen’s Behavior

Whatever you do, don’t brush things off. It can be hard to make time to pay attention to the details when you have your own career, responsibilities, and concerns, on top of co-parenting. However, it’s important for co-parents to be aware of their teen’s feelings, and behaviors across both households. Co-parents must be especially vigilant because you are not with your teen every day and on the surface, it may seem that your teen is giving off mixed messages. However, it is important to pay special attention to any changes in moods, and habits. Take notes surrounding your teen’s health and wellness. Be aware of what makes your teen happy, feel inspired, and empowered. Remember to congratulate your teen when they feel good about a recent win in their life. Help celebrate their accomplishments by sharing them through your co-parenting journal, whether it be a photo from being inducted into the honor society or a video of scoring that winning goal. This way neither of you will miss a moment and you can both offer your praise and encouragement. On the flip side, acknowledge and pay attention to when your teen is feeling down. Do you notice your teen seems to be set off by certain triggers, or a lack of confidence due to pressure from a certain situation? Encourage your co-parent to do the same. Feel free to compare notes, and go over your observations through secure messaging.

It’s important that co-parents are able to recognize their teen’s unique needs so you both can lift up and boost your teen’s self-confidence. One issue co-parents could run into is overlooking behaviors between households. Therefore, strive to recognize these things upfront so that they don’t go unnoticed. For example, if you notice that your teen feels pressure from school or is overwhelmed by too many extracurricular activities, try to help minimize these pressures across households. If you know that a certain activity makes your teen feel confident then try to promote, encourage, and foster your teen’s interest. Encourage your teen to be open with managing and sharing emotions, whether it be through journaling, or just talking. When both teens and co-parents have strategies in place it can truly be game-changing. Just remember, it all starts with paying attention, intervening, and creating that consistency early on, and not putting anything off.

Be There to Support With Health Changes

The bodily changes your teen goes through can have a direct impact on self-esteem. Teens may feel uncomfortable all of a sudden noticing things are different than before hitting puberty. Your teen may not like a growth spurt and being taller than their friends, sweating more, or dreaded acne breakouts. All of these things can be too much to bear at once and can leave your teen feeling unhappy. Encourage your teen to confide in health care professionals and talk to them about what they are feeling and experiencing. However, health checkups can become confusing across households. Therefore before your teen attends an appointment it is important that both you and your co-parent are aware of and up to date on all your teen’s latest health needs. Ensure that both you and your co-parent have access to the same vital health information so you can best support your teen with healthcare concerns. Rely on your co-parenting apps information bank to easily have access to common health stats and documents. This way there will be no confusion and you can help your teen to stay on top of their health and wellness and guide them with appointments.

A telehealth consult may be a great way for you, your co-parent, and your teen to be able to be on the same page. For example, if your teen may be feeling uncomfortable about acne, then speaking with a dermatologist to find a prescription teen acne treatment can help them gain independence and take charge of their health concerns. Having the ability to talk online with a healthcare professional will ensure your teen has access to the same health resources across both homes. Not only will co-parents be empowered, but your teen as well, by knowing how to communicate with trusted professionals and start to be their own best health advocate. Build upon this, and strive to help your teen by creating a home that inspires healthy habits on a daily basis. Helping your teen stick to a healthy routine by taking care of their personal hygiene, going to bed at a good time, or even something like keeping their room picked up can help them feel better by reducing clutter and chaos. Even small changes in your teen’s environment can greatly improve your teen’s mental health.

Foster Healthy Online and Offline Relationships

At some point or another social media is sure to have an impact on your teen’s self-esteem. Today’s teens are digital natives, and a good majority of their free time and social life is spent online. However, the hours spent scrolling through TikTok, and Instagram may cause a direct blow to your teen’s self-esteem. From filters, Photoshop, to glorifying images, your teen may start to compare their own lives and self-worth to those online, whether friends or influencers. All these unrealistic images can cause your teen to question how they look and fit in. Teens can also be vulnerable to cyberbullying online on social media. Therefore, it is critical that co-parents are aware of online activity and are also striving to reinforce healthy relationships and social activities. This can be hard to do between households and takes an effort from both parents to be there for support. This is not to say that you should prevent your teen from using social media, but it may be a good idea to use a social media monitoring app to check in on your teen’s online health.

All in all, it is best that co-parents strive to limit your teen’s temptation of spending time scrolling, by rather getting out of the house and participating in fun events, getting active, and spending time with friends in person. This helps teens to build authentic healthy relationships rather than be consumed by social media. You can ensure a healthy mix of activities is built into your teen’s day by using your co-parenting calendar to plan some fun activities. Encourage your teen to check out events going on in the area that they can also invite their friends to, volunteer, or even join a teen-friendly gym. Activities like volunteering can help your teen improve their communication and leadership skills. Encourage your teen with every chance and opportunity you have that will allow them to gain more confidence and independence and learn vital life skills.

In order to empower your young adult and boost self-esteem when co-parenting, you must be proactive. Stay on top of all the little details along the way. Although it may seem challenging and uncomfortable at first, there are plenty of ways to find common ground with your co-parent to help your teen thrive. Be open and communicate regularly, and be there for your teen to lean on. Remember that you are not alone, there are plenty of great co-parenting tools, resources, and even networks that you can rely on if you are looking for advice or better strategies for co-parenting your teen. Co-parenting is a constantly evolving process, and every day you will find new best practices for fostering your teen’s self-esteem between two homes. Just remember, by being open and supportive you will be able to strike the right balance. Reinforcing healthy practices, being open, and communicative is the best way to provide your teen with a strong confident base to work from.

Assuming you are isolated or making arrangements for a separation, you want to see a kid authority attorney. When documenting a separation case in court you need to conclude who will be taking the care of your youngster. While addressing yourself in the court employing the administrations of a youngster care legal counselor is consistently a decent choice without a doubt. There are circumstances when assurance and coarseness are sufficiently not and you want appropriate lawful portrayal for getting the care of your kid. This is the place where you will need the help and support of Child Custody Lawyers Melbourne. There are different legitimate cases for conspiracy, crime or for any youngster provocation case that both party perpetrates. Along these lines, under the kid guardianship locale, a legal advisor likewise needs to go for cases that think about the criminal records of a singular parent.

If you are facing a problem in collecting the monthly payment from employees or there are custody related issues, then your and your child’s rights are being challenged. In such situations, to protect your rights and for your and your child’s health and happiness, you might have to fight a legal battle. As you are not a legal expert, you need one; thus, you should reach out to child support lawyers.

Why Should You Get A Child Custody Lawyer?

If a couple is going through a separation, and they have youngsters the issue of kid raising expects significance.

Authority of the kid is fundamental for most guardians. Prior, the court used to lean toward moms in kid authority cases.

In any case, the situation has changed with the kid care law turning out to be more unbiased as moms are likewise a functioning guardian.

Presently, the court considers the youngster’s wellbeing prior to surrendering the guardianship to any parent. It isn’t not difficult to decide how you can win the instance of youngster care because of the intricacies of kid authority law.

The kid care legal counsellor has the legitimate preparation to deal with such complex matters easily consequently simplifying the entire cycle. Regardless of whether you need to turn into a custodial parent or non-custodial parent, looking for the assistance of expert, for this situation, will decrease your concerns.

These lawyers can help you in many things that are discussed below in this article.  

Child custody: Child custody is one of the main reasons that takes the parents to family court if they are getting separated. To understand why you need child support lawyers, you should first understand the types of custody.

Type of custody: There are two types of custody physical or legal. Kindly note, if you have legal custody of your child, you can make crucial decisions in their life. These include decisions like which school the child will attend, health-related decisions, and more. Let’s take each custody separately to understand in a better way.

Legal custody: Legal custody can be either sole or joint. In sole custody, one parent is the only decision-maker. While in joint custody, one of the parents is responsible for most of the decisions as well as is the main caregiver. The other parent is just the participant in these decisions. At times, if one parent becomes the tiebreaker due to the disagreement and reaches out to child support lawyers. You can apply for sole custody if you don’t agree to these matters, and if your points are right, the judge may alot you sole custody of your child. But to prove your point, you would require the help of child support lawyers. You can make a claim of sole custody if your spouse is abusive, neglectful, have no time to participate in your child’s everyday life, and if he is careless. 

Physical custody: Either single parent or both parents can get physical custody. In case of physical custody, they live with you regularly. If you want physical custody, you may have to prove in court that if the child is living with your spouse, it can be harmful to them. For example, you can stop them from relocating by proving that relocation may harm your child’s future.  

So, be it legal or physical custody, if you want to stay with your child, you need lawyers’ assistance.

To speed up the case: If you are trying to fight the custody battle on your own, there are chances that you may delay the case as you don’t have sufficient knowledge. But it is not the same in the case of child support lawyers. They can help in speeding up the case and resolve it in much lesser time than you think.

Knowledge: Be it any field, you need experts because of their knowledge and expertise. As an individual, you are not someone who is familiar with the complexities of laws related to the family. Hence, if you hire skilled child support lawyers or custody attorneys, you can sit and relax as they know what questions can be raised in the court and how to counter them. They will ensure that they don’t make any legal mistakes that can weaken your case and the final verdict is in your favour.

When Do You Need A Child Custody Lawyer?

It’s critical to know when to employ a youngster care legal counsellor.

In the event that the two guardians can’t reach an unmistakable resolution with respect to the emotionally supportive network and address of the kid post-separate, then, at that point, the requirement for a legal advisor emerges.

A youngster guardianship legal advisor is required when your ex is working with one as of now as you would rather not lose authority of your children.

In the event that your case turns up convoluted due to a changed psyche or whatever other revelation, how will you treat such a vital time? Go for a legal advisor.

On the off chance that your accomplice is residing in an alternate state or country, you should employ a legal counsellor as he/she can assist you with the laws of the two spots and furthermore offer the right guidance.

In the event that you think your kids are in peril with your accomplice, you ought to get the assistance of a legal advisor to get authority as quickly as time permits.

In occurrences where your ex disallows you to meet the kid or kids, you’ll require a legal counselor.

Assuming the court has encouraged you to take outrage the board classes, liquor treatment, social treatment or nurturing classes, then, at that point, you’ll require a kid care attorney in the court to address you.

Assuming your ex is moving, or remarrying may create problems to your children, then, at that point, you should recruit an attorney.

Court thinks about different variables prior to choosing to surrender a youngster or the kids. A portion of these is the youngster’s physical and enthusiastic wellbeing, the connection between the kid and parent.

The steadiness of your work and home climate or any sort of proof against you connected with youngster misuse additionally assumes a critical part. Thus, to substantiate yourself commendable under the steady gaze of the court for dealing with your kid you will require the help of the kid care attorney.

Frequently, guardianship can possibly influence the satisfaction and advancement of your kids and, sometimes, even their wellbeing. Discover how you can secure your youngsters during a guardianship debate.

Consequently, these elements must be remembered while in the event that you want the youngster support attorney or not and how he can be useful to you. It is better 100% of the time to take the assistance of the attorney when you are confronting the pressure of your kid authority to guarantee that you can get your kid back. These are some of the main reasons that can help in making your life easy if you hire child support lawyers. Hiring them will keep your mental peace intact and the chances of winning the case will also become higher. 

One of the main aspects of divorce that affects children is the fact that their parents are now going to live at different addresses and that their current home isn’t their only home any more. For them to fully accept their second home, both parents have to make an effort and make the transition smoother. Here are some ways to introduce your kids to their new second home without making it stressful for them.

Talk to Them

Children are more sensitive than adults and, when something as big as a divorce happens, you can expect them to have a lot of questions. However, it won’t always be easy for them to ask you those questions directly. They might be confused by everything going on, or they might be worried about upsetting you with what they need to know, so it’s possible that they’ll simply stay quiet if you don’t initiate the conversation. In any case, both you and your spouse should find time each day to talk to them, address their emotions and explain all that you can about the divorce and how you expect things to be in the future. This, of course, includes the new living arrangements. When you walk children through each step of the move, and especially if you include them in the decision-making, they’ll find the process less intimidating and consequently less stressful. For instance, if your children are old enough, you could ask for their input about where they’d like to live or at least how they want their room to be furnished. This allows you to bond with them and show them that their parents still adore them as much as they always have. Plus, knowing that they can turn to either of you for any problem or question they have will bring them some relief and reassurance, but it could also diminish their resistance to the imminent change.

Put Them First

Although parents love their children, want what’s best for them and generally put their children’s needs above their own, it’s sometimes extremely difficult to stay level-headed in certain situations, divorce being one of them. This is something you have to be very conscious about, and remember to avoid saying anything bad or to show any resentment or anger aimed at your spouse in front of them. Another crucial matter is that the new home should be adjusted to your children’s needs. This means that they have their own room, that the home itself and the neighborhood it’s in are safe and appealing and that the place has everything your child needs to feel comfortable. These home standards are also something that the courts tend to ask the parties in the divorce to abide to, which may vary from state to state. For instance, courts in Texas usually give parents joint management conservatorship, meaning that both parents have an equal say in the children’s upbringing, which means both homes are of equal significance for child rearing. However, their courts also have certain requirements about the new home, with regards to children’s safety and comfort. That’s why Texans usually don’t stray too far from their previous communities, but instead seek first-rate apartments for rent in Brownsville, that fall into all the safety categories courts might find fundamental. With their children’s best interest in mind, these parents opt for apartments with top amenities, where dogs and cats are allowed, as children feel more pleasant with their pet around.

Adjust the Place to Them

Last, but not least, always bear in mind that this is supposed to be your children’s home and that it should cater to their needs, but also their emotions and character. Let them pick the furniture and any decorations for their room. Perhaps you can even make the place more familiar for them by filling it with some of their favorite belongings. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should take all of those belongings from what they call home right now, as that might upset your children. Instead, make a list of some of their most treasured items and purchase the exact same ones to bring into the new home. Another option is to pack such objects when your children are switching between homes. This could provide your children with some comfort and ease some of their potential anxiety about the new home and the divorce itself. A home should be a joyous place for them, which can only be possible if the place is adapted to their preferences.

Keep It Tidy

A cluttered space can make you edgy, break your focus and decrease your productivity. This is why, if you want to function well in any space, you have to keep it tidy and get rid of any excess objects. As an adult, this is something you deal with daily, but when you have children, it’s vital that you take into account their well-being and put it first. Namely, children are also affected by clutter. It can make it difficult for them to process their thoughts and emotions, but it might also leave them frustrated, if they aren’t able to do their work or play in a manner they are used to. This can also prevent them from dealing with the divorce and having to live between two homes. In addition, when you’re trying to get them to like their new living space, making it cozy and appealing can only help your case. Start with limiting the number of decorative elements, toys and other belongings you fill your new home with. If there are too many things in a space that may not be as big as your previous family home, it can become crowded and messy soon, which your children may find unappealing and they might resist you when you want them to spend their time there. Make it your mission to clean and declutter the new home regularly, so that you create a calming and loving environment they’ll want to live in and that they’ll always gladly come back to, as that’s how a home should feel like for them.

Divorces are emotionally consuming and traumatic for adults, let alone for children. This is something every parent going through a divorce has in mind. It’s no wonder then that your focus is precisely on how to make the inevitable change as easy as possible on your children. Your attitude towards your partner and the cooperation between you is something you need to work hard on, as only that way your children will feel welcome, secure and equally loved in both their homes.

Divorce is without question challenging. Throw children into the mix, and a new series of challenges arise. It’s no secret that the average divorce rate in America is 42.6%.

For both parties, it’s best when parents divorce if matters can be handled with dignity and respect. If you are experiencing the unchartered territory of divorcing with kids, continue reading for the best strategies.

Respect Respect Respect

Respect is key. You and your ex may be navigating a nasty divorce. Tensions may arise, and tempers may flare. Children represent the best parts of you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

It is essential to understand that children are the innocent bystanders of divorce. A once-happy household suddenly split into two parts can be a huge adjustment for any child. Experiencing the anguish that comes as a result of separated parents or divorced parents can be life-altering. 

Regardless of any bitter feelings you may have, respecting your former partner will set a positive example for your child or children. Kids need to feel a sense of unity, even if parents are no longer together.

If you are a single mom or single dad, remember that life will move forward. Adjustments may be uncomfortable at first, but things will improve. 

Your child will feel more secure about the transitioning process if both parents are united and show respect for each other. If you are in stepmom or stepfather, you can show support by speaking positively around your child.

Tips for Handling a Divorce

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with your child or children. Most importantly, make it clear that divorce is only between adults. You may have to remind your child several times that they are not responsible for the divorce. 

Depending on the age of your child will depend on how you break the news. Small children may not be old enough to understand what is transpiring entirely. Your toddler might be clingier than usual. 

You may find your teenager transform into an angry monster right before your eyes. All of these behaviors are perfectly normal.

Talk with your ex-spouse find ways to maintain unity if possible. It may take time and lots of practice but ensuring that you can communicate effectively will make a difference. 

Understanding Your Child’s Perspective on Parents Divorce

Take a moment to put yourself in your child’s position. 

Your child undeniably loves you and your former spouse very much. Try to gain insight into what your child might be feeling. Harness these feelings. Use them as momentum to be the parent your child needs you to be. 

Divorce is a difficult time for everyone involved. Once the smoke clears and routines are established, you may find a sense of relief. Maintaining an understanding of what your child is going through will encourage you to persevere moving forward.

Learn how to communicate with your former partner. You both want what’s best for your child or children. Removing any tension and negative emotions will allow you both to work together proactively. 

Positivity and Empowerment

A positive mindset will not only serve you well but your child also. Positivity is contagious. Learning to laugh during difficult times will make life oh so sweet during times of harmony.

Try to keep things as amicable as possible with your ex. Agree to keep kids out of your divorce to avoid any hard feelings. 

Enjoy spending quality time with your child. It would be best if you didn’t burden your child with the emotional toll of a pending divorce. Avoid discussing your ex or asking overly personal questions that could make your child uncomfortable.

Learn the power of positive affirmations. Practicing daily positive affirmations can transform your mindset. 

Seek Help if You Need It

A neutral third party can offer guidance when you need it the most. 

If you recognize that you are having difficulty navigating through a painful divorce, professional guidance can help. You should never feel ashamed asking for help.

Every individual is unique, handling challenges differently. The most important thing to remember is to do what you must to protect your child or children.

A trusted third party can give you the freedom to vent and healthily deal with your emotions. This support system will help you avoid unintentionally placing your child in the middle. 

Divorcing With Kids

It is essential to be as transparent as possible with your kids during divorce. Remember to address sensitive topics in an age-appropriate manner that your child can understand.

After all, divorce not only impacts you but any children you may have. Share important details about where each parent will live, be clear about who your kids will live with primarily. 

Be clear about plans for school, extracurricular activities, and continuing friendships. Providing your child with as much stability as possible during this time is essential. 

Be a Positive Role Model

Let’s face it. No one plans on getting divorced. 

From the moment you and your spouse say “I do,” you likely never imagined ending up in such a predicament. 

You and your spouse must agree to disagree. You may not see eye to eye on everything, and that’s ok. However, putting on a positive front for your children is a must.

If at all possible, try to keep the screaming matches and arguing away from the children. Rising tensions can have negative consequences on your child later in life. 

You and your spouse must tell your child together about the impending divorce. Details of why the divorce is happening are not necessary. Your children do not need to know about any of the issues in your marriage. 

Resources Are Available

A family counselor can be a tremendous asset. Be sure to schedule appointments with and without your children. Counseling sessions will help your family to prepare for the journey ahead during the transitioning process.

If seeking a family counselor is unattainable, consider speaking with your minister. If you don’t belong to a church, reach out to someone you admire and look up to for advice.

In addition to professional help,  fantastic resources are available to help you cope. 2houses has a plethora of valuable information. Topics such as co-parenting, communication, health, and more. 

A suite of tools is available on 2houses for a low monthly cost to assist you in staying organized. 

Embrace the Power of Calm

Learn to embrace the power of calm. Divorce is a challenging time. You may face times of uncertainty and self-doubt.

You may experience feelings of hurt towards the other spouse.

These emotions are normal and expected. However, refrain from acting on your feelings. Threatening to keep your child from your partner due to anger and pain will surely backfire.

Your spouse may feel the need to retaliate or exhibit feelings of anger and hate. This vicious cycle will continue that eventually could lead to family ruin. Your child or children will be the one that ultimately suffers. 

Learn to embrace your emotions even during times of discord. Your divorce doesn’t have to be this life-shattering event that dictates your future. Consider divorce an opportunity to rediscover yourself and solely focus on your children. 

Develop a Kids First Parenting Plan

A kid’s first parenting plan can be a tremendous asset during a divorce. The purpose of a parenting plan is to ensure that the best interest of your child is met. The first step in creating a solid parenting plan is understanding your child’s best interest.

Your child should be the main focus of the parenting plan. You should take into consideration your child’s interests, friends, hobbies, and school. Each of these factors is crucial to your child’s mental and physical development. 

Communicate with the other spouse to create a workable schedule. It is essential to be realistic.

Discuss how much time each parent is available to spend quality time with their child. Be sure to consider your needs and what will flow best with your schedule. It is essential to consider which parent lives closest to your child’s school.

Be practical when determining which parent can take your child to and from school. Holidays are another sensitive topic to put in your kid’s first parenting plan. Compromise while considering what is best for your child or children.

Try to be as sensible and practical as possible when developing your kid’s first parenting plan. Always keep in mind that your child comes first. 

Maintain Boundaries 

To protect your children from divorce, boundaries are critical. 

If you have anything you wish to communicate with your ex-spouse, be clear and direct. Avoid relaying messages to the other parent through your child. This could be disastrous, causing your child to feel caught in the middle.

Be sure to give your child plenty of space. Divorce is a sensitive matter, and your child will likely have emotions to work through. Keep things as civil as possible between you and your spouse. 

Consistency is key. Make an effort to be as consistent as possible in your co-parenting efforts. Healthy boundaries with your child include, avoid sharing too much information. 

Turn Your Home Into a Safe Haven

Divorce is a difficult time for all members of a family. Your home should become a place of sanctuary for your child. You would never want your child to feel unwelcome due to tension with your spouse. 

Greet your child or children with enthusiasm and excitement when they come for a visit.

Show interest in school activities and be a shoulder to lean on. The idea is for the divorce transition to be as smooth as possible. Your child or children will appreciate your efforts. 

If your child feels safe and loved, regardless of your decision to separate, this will make a world of difference going forward. 

Don’t Make Your Kids Choose

Speak positively about your spouse, regardless of how you may feel. Adult problems are just that, adult problems.

Your children are likely not old enough to fully understand the divorce process. Allow your children the ability to stay neutral during this time and encourage them to do so. 

It is in your child’s best interest to have a healthy relationship with both parents. 

Provide Reassurance and Support

This transformative period will be one of difficulty but also a great opportunity for your family. 

As your children navigate their new normal, provide plenty of reassurance and support. You may think you know what your child is thinking and feeling but you may also be surprised.

Your children may say that they are simply ok, as the world changes around them. Be sure to set aside time to talk with them when you have the opportunity. Checking in with your children is very important. 

You want to reassure them that your impending divorce is not a direct reflection of anything that they have done wrong. Divorce is confusing for kids, the details can be sticky and overwhelming. This can be a lot for children, even teens, to process. 

Stay Involved. No matter what, reassure your child that you wish to be involved. 

Let 2houses Help You

When parents divorce, 2houses is proud to offer a suite of tools to allow a smooth co-parenting partnership. This sophisticated interface allows for optimized communication regarding your child.

Your child deserves the best from both parents, after their parent’s divorce. 

A 14-day trial is available to try 2houses services and improve your family life. Unique features such as messages, calendar, info-bank, journal, and more can help set you up for co-parenting success. Contact 2houses today for more information on subscription services and pricing. 

Even the most amicable divorce can be overwhelming. Between splitting up assets, processing your feelings, and finding the right child custody agreement, you may feel like you have too much on your plate. 

If you’re struggling to navigate shared custody, you aren’t alone. You just need the right resources to help you through this process. 

Before you go looking for a top-rated child custody lawyer, read this guide.

We’ll tell you all about your child’s right to shared custody, and how to navigate the custody agreement process. 

Caring For Your Child After Divorce

The way you and your co-parent handle your divorce will shape the way your child views relationships. If you do it right, your child will be able to look to you as a model of healthy communication and conflict resolution. 

Your divorce can also be an opportunity to make sure your child knows that they are loved and valued by both of their parents, regardless of the status of their relationship.

Shield Your Child From Anger and Blame 

Divorce can cause children to take on guilt about their parents’ separation. Some children assume that the divorce is somehow their fault. Some may wonder if one of their parents no longer wants to be around them. 

Sometimes, these feelings can come from exposure to anger and bitterness. It’s completely normal to have some feelings of anger surrounding your divorce, but you should always try to protect your child from these feelings. 

This is especially true with young children. If a younger child sees you acting angry around the house, they may assume that they are the subject of that anger. 

Instead of showing your child anger, remind them often that both parents love them despite the imminent changes to your family dynamic. 

Check In With Your Child’s Mental Health

Divorce is likely to bring up some foreign feelings for your child. It will be understandably confusing for them to suddenly not live with both parents. 

Let your child know that it’s okay for them to feel nervous, upset, or irritable during this transition. These feelings are normal and will pass as they adjust to their new living arrangement. 

Understand that your child may act out during this adjustment period. Without giving up on your principles as a parent, try to cut them some extra slack and treat them with extra compassion.

If your child starts to exhibit long-term behavioral or mood problems after your divorce, don’t be afraid to get them some mental health care. Talk to a child psychologist if necessary.

Protect Your Child From Isolation

Many custody arrangements look something like, “Mom’s house during the week, Dad’s house on the weekends” (or vice versa). This can result in your child suddenly spending less time than usual with one parent. 

In the U.S., the number of children living only with their mothers has doubled in the past 50 years.

As long as both parents can provide a safe environment for the child, you should always strive for a balanced shared custody arrangement. Your child will be happiest when they can have quality time with both parents. 

That’s why the right to shared custody is so important to childhood development. You don’t necessarily have to split the time 50/50, but you should make sure quality parent-child time is a priority on both sides.

What Is Shared Child Custody?

Protecting your child from isolation means, when possible, designing a shared custody arrangement. But what exactly is shared child custody?

Shared custody means that your child alternates between living at both of their parents’ households. 

As we mentioned earlier, a custody arrangement can look like, “Mom’s house during the week, Dad’s house during the weekend.” It can also look like, “Mom’s house Monday-Wednesday, Dad’s house Thursday-Sunday.”

You can also rotate weekends to compensate for extra time during the week. For example, if a child spends the school week at their mother’s house, they may spend 2 out of every 3 weekends at their father’s house to keep things balanced.

Most custody agreements are legally binding. You can figure out a custody agreement through a few different branches of the legal system, which we’ll talk more about shortly. 

Making your arrangement legally binding is a good way to keep both parents accountable for it. 

The best custody arrangements are determined based on the parents’ desires, the parents’ means, and the child’s preferences. 

For example, if one parent has a very demanding job, it may not be wise for the child to spend weeknights at their home. If a child is thriving in a certain school system, you should consider doing what you can to keep them in that district during the week. 

Every shared custody arrangement is unique, and your family must find their own special balance.

Why Is Shared Custody Important? 

Why is shared custody the healthiest choice for most parents and children? There are three main factors that make shared custody so important. 

Your Child’s Development

Divorce impacts children differently depending on their age. While teenage children are likely to be able to understand the complicated factors that lead to divorce, younger children may not. 

If your child suddenly loses touch with one of their parents at a young age, they may have to heal from that feeling of loss when they’re older. 

When your child maintains a healthy relationship with both parents across multiple homes, they are likely to have a smooth development into adulthood!

Plus, a healthy custody arrangement can show your child how to handle conflict in relationships when they’re older. 

Your custody arrangement is your opportunity to teach your child about respect, honoring one’s word, and treating other people with compassion. 

Shared Parenting Responsibility 

Shared custody is not only beneficial for children; it also helps newly divorced parents. 

Learning to live on your own after divorce isn’t easy. Becoming the sole caretaker for your child at the same time would make it even more difficult. 

Be considerate to yourself and your co-parent by sharing parenting duties the way you did when you were married. 

You won’t benefit from overworking yourself, and neither will your child. Keeping your family healthy means keeping both parents within their means.

Maintaining an Amicable Divorce

Shared custody keeps you and your former spouse beholden to each other. This may seem stressful at first, but it’s a good thing in the long run. 

It is much easier to heal from your divorce when you and your co-parent have the wellbeing of your child to unite you. No matter how much distance there is between you, you will always agree on wanting what’s best for your child.

Of course, not every divorced couple can be on friendly terms. However, maintaining a civil and open line of communication with your former spouse is by far the healthiest way to re-imagine your family. 

How to Have an Open Conversation About Shared Custody

Broaching the subject of child custody isn’t always easy. Let’s go over three rules that you can use to guide you through this process. 

You can discuss child custody in the presence of a mediator, but you don’t necessarily have to. If you and your co-parent feel up to it, try coming up with an ideal custody plan without legal intervention.

Go In Knowing What You Want

Enter into your custody conversation with a clear idea of what you want. Consider your work schedule, your financial means, and what holiday arrangements work best for you. 

It’s important to go in with a clear idea of what you want so that you don’t leave the conversation feeling unsatisfied. 

This can also help keep you and your co-parent on track and prevent the conversation from devolving into an argument. Structure is your best friend when it comes to these difficult conversations. 

Be Prepared to Compromise

Go in with a clear idea of what you want, but don’t expect that plan to be your outcome. The purpose of a discussion about shared custody is to find an outcome that gives both parents as much of what they want as possible. 

Despite the circumstances that may have led to your divorce, you must try to treat your co-parent with compassion. Recognize that their desires are important, and hopefully, they will return the favor to you. 

Mutual understanding and kindness is the best way to reach a compromise that is genuinely satisfying for everyone involved.

Prioritize Your Child’s Wellbeing

The most important factor in your custody discussion is your child’s wellbeing. This should take priority over you and your co-parent’s personal preferences. 

Ask yourselves important questions, such as: how will this custody arrangement affect our child’s schooling? When will our child be able to see friends? Can both of our homes properly accommodate our child?

If your child is old enough, you should talk to them directly about what they would like their schedule to look like. 

Let your child know that they have the right to advocate for themselves. If they are unhappy with your custody arrangement, they should always feel comfortable voicing it.

Try Child Custody Mediation

If you and your co-parent cannot come to a custody agreement on your own, don’t worry. That’s perfectly normal, and mediation may be able to help.

A mediator is a neutral party that helps settle legal disputes without bringing them into a courtroom. 

Mediation is much less expensive than a child custody lawsuit. It can also be less emotionally taxing. 

Your mediator will sit down with you and your co-parent and guide the conversation. Their job is to guide your discussion and make sure you reach a compromise that suits both of you.

A mediator will not work in favor of just you or just your co-parent; they will always strive to be fair and balanced.

Mediators can be especially helpful to unmarried parents who need to design a custody arrangement after a breakup.

Hire a Child Custody Attorney

In some situations, you may need to hire a child custody attorney. This can be expensive, but there are also free lawyers for child custody out there. 

Child custody attorneys can really help when your divorce proceedings get messy. You should consider hiring a child custody attorney if: 

• Your co-parent refuses to cooperate with a mediator 
• Your co-parent refuses to honor a mutually agreed-upon custody arrangement
• You fear your child may not be safe with your co-parent
• Your child is disabled and/or requires special services or medical care
• You and your co-parent live in different states

As you prepare for court, your attorney will help you understand the factors that affect custody rulings. 

Stick To Your Custody Arrangement

No matter how you come up with your custody arrangement, you should always stick to it. The more consistent your child’s home life can be, the better. 

It can be okay to bend the rules once in a while when special occasions come about. However, you should always communicate clearly about these changes with both your co-parent and your child. 

Your child will thrive in an environment where they always know what to expect. A regular schedule and clear communication is the best way to keep your child healthy and happy.

Honor Your Child’s Right to Shared Custody 

Child custody is a complicated subject, but you can always find a way to navigate it. Reach out to a child custody facilitator with any further questions you may have. 

Remember to honor your needs, your co-parent’s needs, and your child’s needs above all else. Shared custody arrangements work best when both parents practice empathy and understanding. 

With the right resources and hard work, family life after divorce can be happy and fruitful.