Category: Co-parenting

Introduction 

Separation under any circumstances is difficult. Whether you separate peacefully, with conflict, with a child, or without a child, separation is hard. If you don’t have a child, you can separate with your partner at each other’s necks and once the settlements are finished, you can dust off your hands and be done with it. You do not have to maintain pleasantries. 

However, if you have a child, amicable collaboration is quintessential to ensure the happy and healthy development of your child, no matter your feelings for your ex-partner. You absolutely have to put the needs of your child first, and your contempt for your ex-partner second. There is no other way. 

This starts from the very get-go when settling your child custody agreement. Understand, listen and be respectful to what your ex-partner has to say. Treat the relationship like a business partner or colleague, and your business being the life of your child. 

In this article, we provide our best tips and advice, so you can successfully reach a child custody agreement peacefully, and co-parent in the best interest of your child: 

• 4 Tips to Set Hurt, Anger and Contempt Aside When Dealing With an Ex-Partner 
• 7 Tips to Improving Communication With an Ex-Partner 
• 5 Tips for Co-Parenting After the Child Custody Agreement. Team Work Makes The Dream Work! 
• How to Make a Parenting Plan!

The 2 Pillars For a Peaceful Child Custody Agreement 

When settling a child custody agreement, there are two foundation principles that you absolutely must do if you want to settle peacefully, which will definitely benefit your child. 

• Set Your Hurt, Anger and Contempt Aside and Focus on the Needs of Your Child!
• Communicate Often, Communicate Clearly, Communicate With Respect.

Undergoing a settlement requires a lot of patience and organisation. Divorce law rules, divorce lawyers, and divorce laws are frustrating. Hopefully, you can settle outside of the courtroom. Conducting yourself and your ex-partner with respect, as if you were business associates, will leverage you both in the best possible position to raise your child with dignity. Don’t think about the process as trying to beat your ex-partner in court, instead, try and work out what will be best for your child and set the guidelines for how you both will successfully co-parent.

4 Tips to Set Hurt, Anger, and Contempt Aside When Dealing With an Ex-Partner 

Setting aside your feelings for an ex-partner is a herculean task, especially if they are negative and you have to keep seeing your ex-partner. However, there are things you can do to help with the process: 

1. Talk to Someone About Your Feelings, but never your child:

You should never, ever, talk disparagingly about your ex-partner to your child. That to them is still someone they love and rely on deeply and can make them very uncomfortable. Instead, set up a support network of friends and family you can lean on, or get the help of a therapist. You don’t want to risk a blow-up with your ex-partner at the risk of your child’s wellbeing. 

2. Think of Your Child

If you are ever feeling overwhelmed, think about the care and love you have for your child. Remember why you’re doing it all. Think of the benefits and how great your child’s life will be thanks to your efforts. Bad times are temporary, it will be worth it if you hold on!

3. Never Shoot the Messenger, Or Even Risk It!

You should never, ever use your child as a messenger. This can put your child in the middle of the conflict between you and your ex-partner. If your ex-partner uses your child as a messenger, don’t be angry at your child, they are just doing what they are told. Use email, phone or online parenting platforms like 2houses to communicate. 

4. Keep Your Issues to Yourself: 

Your child has the right to choose where they want to go for themselves. Do not get angry at them because of your ex-partner. They have the right to a great relationship with both of their parents. 

7 Tips to Improving Communication With an Ex-Partner 

Communication between you and an ex-partner can be like extracting teeth. Slow and painful! But it is essential to organising and creating a successful, dynamic parenting plan for the development of your child. Here are seven tips on how to do it:

1. Act Professionally 

The best way to communicate with your ex-partner is to act like you’re conducting a business deal, and the topic of discussion is the wellbeing of your child. Talk clearly, respectfully, and neutrally. Removing emotion and keeping discussions on your child will make things easier.

2. Ask, Don’t Demand

When dealing with an ex-partner you feel begrudgingly toward, it might feel like you have to make demands to “win the battle” and “set the record straight”. When dealing with your child, try to make requests, rather than demands. Phrase sentences like “would you mind if I…” instead of “I am…”. 

3. Listen to Your Ex-Partner 

This might be difficult if they accuse you of never listening or they never listen themselves, or you don’t agree with what they’re saying. But listening is important for mature conversation. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to acknowledge and register what they have said.

4. It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint 

Exercise some restraint when talking to your ex-partner. Try not to overreact to the buttons they try to push. This arrangement is going to last longer than the conversation you’re having with them right now, it’s going to last your child’s entire life. Having a screaming match at every little thing will be torture in the long run. Don’t win the battle, win the war that is your child’s wellbeing. That is the ultimate victory.

5. Talk Regularly

It is hard, and you might hate doing it, but you have to talk. You need to be on the same page with your child’s development so you can implement your parenting plan. Appearing like you’re talking to your child will also make them more comfortable. 

6. Talk About Your Child

There’s no need to talk about the weather to someone you hate. Stick to the point and talk about your child, and talk about them lots.

7. Recognise When You’re Getting Angry

When your ex-partner starts pushing on some very familiar buttons that have been pushed before, recognise it. Recognise what they are doing and when you start to get angry so you can avoid a blow-up. The most important thing to do is remain calm. 

5 Tips for Co-Parenting After the Child Custody Agreement. Team Work Makes The Dream Work! 

Via Pixabay

Even outside of the child custody agreement, there will be many points of pain and difficulty. But it does not matter, you will endure because you must. Your child depends on it! Just because you and your ex-partner are no longer romantically engaged, it doesn’t mean you aren’t a team. So act like it! Here are some tips on how you can create a co-parenting plan together that works:

1. Rules & Schedules 

Different roofs, same rules. You and your ex-partner need to be on the same page. If your child is under punishment in one house, it should translate to the next. If there is only one hour of computer per day in one house, it should translate to the next. If bedtime is 7:30 in one house, it should translate to the next. If there is a reward for good behaviour or celebrations for a great achievement in one house, it should translate to the next! Children thrive on routine, this shouldn’t be compromised from your split. 

2. Delegate Responsibilities

For sure, on major issues, you should collaborate together to form a parenting plan. But in day-to-day operations and contact, delegating responsibilities isn’t a bad idea. Maybe you look after your child’s sport, while your ex-partner deals with medical affairs, or music lessons. Work it out between yourselves. 

3. New Partner Alert 

So your ex-partner has a new love interest. So what? You’re separated. It might be difficult to see, but new partners are inevitable. This shouldn’t affect your parenting. It could even be a good thing for your child!

4. Alternating Houses 

Your child can sometimes have anxiety about moving between yours and your ex-partner’s dwelling. You should maintain a schedule, like a week-on-week-off arrangement where your child shares houses. Remind your child a day or so before that, they will be moving and pack their bags early, so as to not forget important things like stuffed toys.

5. Compromise 

You need to be flexible with your ex-partner. This means compromising to them just as much as they do to you. Small issues like if your child should go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00 aren’t worth fighting over. 

Make a Parenting Plan!

Throughout this article, I have mentioned a parenting plan. Making a parenting plan is very important. Having calendar, financial and communication goals will align both of you on the best road to success.  You can speak with a legal counsel in establishing an effective and equal parenting plan for both parents.

Online platforms like 2houses offer a cloud-based service that makes this very easy. Both you and your ex-partner being able to access your goals anywhere, at any time, thanks to the cloud, will prove to be a huge advantage in your parenting.

The average cost of a divorce in the United States is $12,900, but if you and the other parent are in agreement on your divorce terms, you may not need to do everything with lawyers. DIY divorces are becoming more and more popular and for good reason. However, if you have children, it’s important to make sure that your parenting plan is thorough and includes everything required in your state. Keep reading to learn more about DIY divorce and how to make sure your parenting plan is done correctly.

What Is a DIY Divorce?

A DIY divorce is when you and the other parent agree on the terms of your separation and then complete and file the paperwork yourselves. Usually, there are no lawyers involved, and there are many sites available that walk you through the process of finding the right forms for your state and filing with your local family court. These types of divorces are often filed as dissolutions.

DIY divorces can be extremely beneficial in that they’re much cheaper, usually only costing a few hundred dollars including the filing fee, and don’t require multiple visits to the family courts for hearings. However, they only work when both parties are in agreement over the terms, and even then, it’s important to be careful if there are children involved. The courts often have very specific requirements about what a parenting plan can or cannot cover, and you’ll have to conform to those requirements or the judge could dismiss your case and refuse to move forward until different paperwork has been filed.

8 Things to Put in Your Parenting Plan

As you’re drawing up your parenting plan, you want to be as specific and thorough as possible for what your unique family situation needs while also meeting the court’s requirements. Here are eight things to make sure your parenting plan covers.

1. Custody and Visitation

How custody and visitation time will be split is something that is required by every state for a parenting plan. When you’re deciding custody, keep in mind that you will need to lay out the specifications for legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody centers around who gets to make decisions. This can be sole legal custody, which means if the two parties can’t decide on a matter, the parent who has sole legal custody gets the final say. If you have joint legal custody, it means that you both have to agree or the matter has to go before a judge to be decided.

Physical custody refers to actual time spent with the children. In most cases, the courts now prefer joint physical custody arrangements. This can be done in many ways, from a true 50/50 split to 70/30, 80/20 or anything in between. You’ll want to make sure you outline the physical custody decisions and what you plan to use as a visitation schedule, even if you don’t think you will need it. This ensures both parents have something legal to fall back on if they disagree later on.

2. Shared Expenses

In most states, child support is completely unrelated to the divorce or custody arrangements and is decided by the formula the state uses. This means you likely won’t need to have anything about child support in your paperwork unless you specifically want to deviate from the state standards. What you do want to make sure you include is how other expenses will be paid.

Think broadly and consider that your children will get older and expenses will change. For example, you may need to work out who pays what percentage of preschool now, but you’ll also need to think about extracurricular fees for sports when they get older, orthodontia and college tuition. There are also shared medical expenses.

It’s a good idea to make a list of all the possible expenses and categories for now and in the future, and then go through each one with the other parent and decide who is paying what and what percentages if you are going to split some expenses. It’s also a good idea to specifically write in how one parent will reimburse the other. For example, will they provide a check or will they do a mobile payment through an app like 2houses.

3. Holiday and Special Days Schedule

While the physical custody agreement will lay out how the standard visitation schedule will work, you’ll still need to consider other situations, such as holidays and days of special meaning like birthdays. The default schedule for holidays through the courts usually has the parents alternating holidays, but if you know another arrangement will work better for you, it’s a good idea to include it.

Summer vacations and school breaks are also important to consider. Keep in mind that what you put into the parenting plan is really only a fall back if you aren’t able to work things out with the other parent. If your situation is amicable, you can still make adjustments and agreements on the fly together.

4. Future Partners

While you may not be considering dating or remarriage right now in the midst of divorce, it’s likely that this will become an issue for one or both parties at some point. Some parents put provisions into the parenting plan for when a parent can introduce a significant other to the kids or that the kids won’t call a step-parent “Mom” or “Dad.”

5. Right of First Refusal

Right of first refusal is something that many parents wish they would have added into their parenting plan but is also something that’s usually forgotten. Right of first refusal means that if one parent can’t care for the children during their parenting time, such as because of a work conflict, the other parent gets the first right to that time. This is designed to ensure the children spend as much time as possible with the parents instead of babysitters and other caregivers.

Keep in mind, however, that you can’t use the right of first refusal to keep the children from spending reasonable time with extended family. If the other parent is home and able to care for the children and is just sending them to spend an afternoon at grandma’s, this wouldn’t count as a right of first refusal situation.

6. No Negative Comments

Most states’ standard parenting plans have a paragraph in them that states that neither party will talk badly about the other parent or make negative comments in front of the children. It also sometimes extends to not allowing other people, such as relatives, make negative comments about a parent in front of the child. It may seem unnecessary, and it is hard to enforce in the courts, but it’s a good thing to also put in your DIY divorce paperwork because it serves as black and white reminder that you’re supposed to be supporting a positive coparenting atmosphere.

7. Coparenting Communication

On the subject of coparenting, talking about how you plan on communicating with each other and putting that in writing for clarity in the parenting plan is suggested. Even if you have a great relationship with the other parent and are able to casually call and text for plans and updates, it may still be advantageous to spell out that you’re going to use a coparenting app for official communication. 2houses lets you keep message records and lets you know when the other parent has seen your message. It also has lots of other great features aimed at making coparenting easier, such as expense tracking and a shared calendar. 

8. Making Changes

No matter how thorough you are in creating your initial parenting plan, it’s almost guaranteed that something will come up eventually that you haven’t anticipated. For this reason, you may want to add a clause in the parenting plan about how you’ll deal with changes, whether that’s a jointly agreed amendment or going to mediation.

If you’re not sure about a certain aspect of your parenting plan or divorce documents or negotiations turn sour, you may end up needing to consult with a family law attorney to find out your next steps.

The COVID-19 pandemic struck the world in early 2020, and it caused a change of life for many. Between lockdowns, mask mandates, online schooling and supply chain issues, it’s been difficult to navigate this new normal. It’s also brought about strong feelings on both sides, and this can cause coparenting challenges if you and the other parent aren’t on the same page.

It can be confusing in a coparenting situation to know who gets to make the final decisions on which issues if both parents don’t agree, but understanding the processes the family courts have for this is important. Below, we take a look at some of the common coparenting decisions that have come up with COVID-19 and discuss who gets to make these decisions and what you can do if you want to change that.

Possible Coparenting Decisions Surrounding COVID-19

The guidelines around COVID-19 continue to change, and it can be difficult to keep up with what the latest recommendations are. However, there are two main areas that COVID-19 has affected when it comes to coparenting and your children: education and medical decisions. Here are a few of the common decisions parents are facing right now.

Where Your Child Will Go to School

When COVID-19 caused many schools to go virtual in 2020, it created a unique challenge for parents. They were suddenly faced with trying to make sure their children were learning and staying up with schoolwork while also navigating their own jobs and the general changes to the world. Some parents found that they really enjoyed the time they had with their children or were surprised at how much time children were just staring at a screen and not really learning in virtual school. Even as schools went back to in-person school, mask mandates, vaccine recommendations and COVID-19 guidelines also had some parents wondering if it was the best choice for their family.

But what happens if you think your children should go to in-person school but the other parent is very against it and wants to do online school or homeschool? This isn’t something that really lends itself to compromise, and it can be something that both parents feel equally strongly about.

Whether Your Child Will Get the Vaccine

As of October 2021, the COVID-19 vaccine was available for those aged 13 and up, but trials were in process for vaccines for younger children. Whether your child gets a vaccine is a medical decision, and it can be very difficult to navigate if you and the other parent aren’t on the same page. It can also create issues if one parent is vaccinating their family and the other parent isn’t. What happens to the joint children as they go between houses? This issue can have far-reaching consequences into visitation schedules and can cause a great deal of conflict between the coparents.

Whether Your Child Should Wear a Mask

Masking is a major debate in some countries, including the United States where it has become a political issue with extreme and vocal opinions on either side. Usually, the children actually have far less strong of an opinion on this subject than the parents do, but if the parents do disagree on this matter, it can put the child in the middle and create conflict. While some parents may take a stand of letting each parent choose whether or not to have the child wear a mask during their parenting time, this issue can also affect where the child goes to school and what extracurricular activities they can participate in.

What Happens If Your Child Gets Sick

The original COVID-19 strain didn’t seem to affect children in the same way it did adults, but variants such as Delta have started to change that. More children are getting sick with the virus, and even if they don’t get severely ill, it can cause some problems. For example, will the child continue to follow the normal visitation schedule when they’re sick? This is common, but what happens if the other parent doesn’t want to risk bringing COVID-19 into their household.

If your child is one of the few who gets severely ill, you may also be facing significant challenges in who gets to visit the child at the hospital and who will get to make the decisions regarding the child’s method of care.

Who Gets to Make the Decisions?

Who gets to make medical and educational decisions is determined by what kind of custody you have and if there are any specifics in your custody order or parenting plan. You’ll want to look at what your papers say about legal custody. It’s common to get confused between legal and physical custody. Physical custody is time sharing and visitation schedules; legal custody is the basis for decision-making.

If one parent has sole legal custody, then that’s the parent who has the right to make education and medical decisions for the children. If the other parent disagrees strongly enough, they can bring it to the courts, but there is a large burden on them to prove that there is some reason that the custodial parent is acting outside of the child’s interests.

If you have joint legal custody with the other parent and there are no specific provisions in your parenting plan about who gets to make these decisions, the bottom line is that the court expects you to come to an agreement on your own. If you can’t, your option is to go to court. While the judge may order you into mediation, these situations usually end in a lengthy trial where both parents present their cases and then the judge makes the final call on what will happen.

As you navigate these new challenges that are coming up with COVID-19, you may realize that there are some specific points in your parenting plan or custody agreement that need to be amended or that there are new things you want to include. In this case, you’ll need to file a motion to go before a judge and have the agreement officially changed. If you and the other parent agree to the changes, it can be as simple as filing a joint motion. The courts generally are willing to adopt changes that both parents agree on. However, if you want something changed and the other parent doesn’t, it can mean having to go all the way through the family court system.

Keep in mind that any time you go through the family court system, it can be extremely stressful for both the parents and the children. It’s almost always best to try to come to an agreement with the other parent or try lower-conflict options, such as mediation. It’s also important to remember that both you and the other parent only have the children’s best interests at heart, and while you may have different opinions on what supports that, it can help to keep that in the back of your mind as you navigate these discussions.

Divorces usually end with a split. Close to 750,000 divorces occurred in the United States in 2019. Most divorces that involve children end with a split custody agreement. 

Yet split custody agreements can get a little complicated. The holidays are supposed to be times where family members get together. How to celebrate holidays after a divorce is not clear. 

How can you talk about holiday custody arrangements with your co-parent? How should you delegate custody during important holidays? What should you do about school vacations and less important occasions like Halloween? 

Answer these questions and you can help your child have fun throughout the year. Here is your comprehensive guide. 

Discussing Holiday Custody

Holiday custody agreements should accompany any custody agreement between co-parents. Once two co-parents pick a joint custody schedule, the two should work together to discuss how they will arrange the holidays. 

You do not have to craft a comprehensive plan. But you should discuss major holidays like Christmas and decide on split custody solutions. 

If you have multiple children, your solution should not split them up. They should remain together to celebrate all occasions. 

The solution should respect your and your co-parent’s living situations. You should not have to spend a large amount of money or time in order to celebrate holidays.

You should also not inconvenience your child. If one co-parent lives in another state, they can meet the custody agreement through teleconferencing. 

You may loop other members of your family into your conversations. Your child will want to spend time with their grandparents and cousins on Thanksgiving and other days. Make sure you reach an agreement with your ex so they can do so. 

Be willing to adjust your plan as time goes on. Your child’s desire to celebrate certain holidays may diminish over time. They may change their cultural values and decide to celebrate occasions like Easter. 

Birthdays

Nearly all children want both of their parents to celebrate their birthdays with them. You and your co-parent should have your child celebrate theirs. 

The easiest way to do this is to share the day in some capacity. If you and your co-parent are on fine terms, both of you can throw a party for your child. If you want some privacy, you can go out to dinner with your child. 

If you and your co-parent don’t want to see each other, each of you should do something for your child. They can spend the morning at your house before going to your co-parent’s house in the afternoon. 

You may buy your child presents for their birthday. But don’t compete with your co-parent on your presents.

You can alternate birthdays if you live far from your ex. Your child will celebrate one year with you, then they will celebrate the next year with your ex.

You should arrange transportation for your child well in advance. Whoever the child is going to should pay the expenses of transportation. 

Try to coordinate with them and share the expenses on one big gift for your child. Give something to your child that they can make use out of. A book is more useful than a toy or a video game. 

You can spend time with your child on your birthday. But you must allow your co-parent to spend time with them on their birthday. You can make a stipulation for this in your child custody arrangement. 

Parents’ Days

You can treat Mother’s Day and Father’s Day like any other holiday. Your child can spend time with their mother on Mother’s Day and with their father on Father’s Day. Many elementary schools have children make presents for their parents for these occasions. 

You can also treat the two days as “Parents’ Day.” This is a good solution for same-sex parents or parents who identify as genderqueer or gender non-conforming. You can divide the two days between yourselves and have your child spend one with each of you.  

There is an official Parents’ Day on the fourth Sunday of July. Your child is probably not aware of this occasion. If they are, you can split the day between the two co-parents so both of you get parenting time in. 

Three-Day Weekends

Three-day weekends include Memorial Day weekend and Labor Day weekend. These are great occasions for short vacations like camping trips. Yet they may affect weekly custody routines, as one parent may take over on Friday or Monday. 

An easy solution is to give your child an extra day with their co-parent. The other co-parent can have the day off, or they can take over on a day they would not be in charge of. 

You can also divide the three-day weekends between the two of you. One of you can take over on Memorial Day while the other takes charge of Labor Day. 

Some three-day weekends may come suddenly. School on Friday or Monday may get canceled due to inclement weather. 

Whoever has custody of your child should maintain their custody. It is too dangerous to transport your child from one house to another during a snowstorm or power outage.

The Holiday Season 

The holiday season can be a very difficult time to navigate. Sit down with your co-parent in advance and work through what you both need to do. Determine what your arrangements will be for the season and how you will cover expenses.

Most children want to see both of their parents for Thanksgiving. It can be tricky for each parent to do their own Thanksgiving dinner. 

What you can do is send your child to their grandparents or cousins. Both of you can then share expenses for one meal and join with them. 

You can do something similar for Christmas. You can send your child to a third party and have both of you visit with them there. 

If you and your co-parent celebrate different December holidays, you can split them. Your child can go to one parent for Christmas and another for Hanukkah or the winter solstice. You can have them go to you for New Year’s Eve and the other co-parent for New Year’s Day. 

Follow good tips on co-parenting during the holidays. Your child may feel lonely or confused during the holiday season. They may ask questions about why they cannot see both of their parents at once. 

Answer your child’s questions without providing too much detail. Affirm your child and tell them that both of you love them. Feel free to coordinate on presents and other special gifts. 

School Vacations 

Each school district is different. Look at the school district schedule before you make any determinations for splitting custody. 

Nearly all districts make a four-day weekend out of Thanksgiving. You can maintain your custody schedule on that weekend. 

Most districts have a winter vacation in December. School usually adjourns on December 23 and reopens on January 2.

You can also maintain your usual custody schedule, though you should minimize disruptions on the holidays. Your child may transition between the two of you on Fridays, yet Christmas Eve is on a Friday.

You can delay until Sunday so the child can celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in the same house. Follow good tips on how to handle custody exchange day smoothly. These tips are especially important for holiday weekends.  

Most districts have a spring vacation. This is one week off from school that occurs in March or April. 

This is a time when many parents want to take their children on vacation. A co-parent can do so. But they should talk with their other co-parent and make arrangements so the child can go on vacations with both. 

Some districts have a February vacation with one week off. This gives co-parents an opportunity to split vacations. One parent maintains custody in February while the other maintains it in April. 

Family Events

Family events include weddings, funerals, and baby showers. For the most part, you can split these events based on your relationship with them. 

If a wedding is occurring on your side of the family, you can take your child to it without your co-parent. If they want to go, they can while you maintain the custody of your child.  

This must be transactional. When an occasion happens on your co-parent’s side of the family, you must let them take your child to it. It is important that your child maintain connections with all of their family members. 

Attending the same events as your ex may be awkward. You do not have to talk to them if you do not want to. 

But both of you should attend important events, especially weddings and funerals. You do not want to form a rift between yourself and the hosts. You can talk to them about your ex and ask for seating arrangements so you don’t contact them. 

Do not use family events to introduce your partner. Try to make introductions on smaller occasions and talk to your ex about bringing your partner to an event.  

Other Holidays

Independence Day occurs every July 4th. This means that the holiday may fall in the middle of the week or create a three-day weekend.

Though it is not as important as the winter holidays, your child may want to see both parents on that day. Try to arrange things so both of you can spend time with your child. One of you can host a barbeque at lunch while the other takes your child for fireworks. 

If one co-parent has a military background, they can take custody of your child on Veterans Day. It can fall on a Monday or Friday, so you can turn it into a three-day weekend. They can do the same for military holidays like Flag Day. 

Your arrangements for Halloween should be particular to your child. If your child does not care about Halloween, you do not have to make a holiday out of it. 

But if your child does care, you should both be involved. If possible, both of you can go with your child for trick-or-treating. You can go together, or you can split the occasion. 

More and more people are celebrating Halloween through October. This gives you a way to split the holiday. One of you can celebrate with your child on October 31st while another celebrates on a different day. 

New Traditions

Every co-parent should learn how to create new family traditions after a separation. This may involve creating new holidays. In general, the parent who comes with the new holiday should celebrate it with their child.

But the other parent should have equal time. They can come up with a new holiday to celebrate with the child. If they don’t have their own holiday, they should get an extra day to spend with their child. 

You or your co-parent may find a partner from a different culture. They may have occasions that they would like to celebrate. 

It may be appropriate to allow your child to commemorate these holidays. But both co-parents need to be okay with the new traditions. A child should not be made to participate in holidays they don’t want to celebrate. 

New religious traditions may be difficult to navigate. Some religions do not accommodate divorced parents.

You and your co-parent should have a conversation about your child’s participation in religious ceremonies. If one of you is not comfortable with it, your child should not participate unless they really want to. 

How to Split Custody for the Holidays

You and your co-parent can work out a holiday split custody arrangement. Talk about the holidays as you draft a custody schedule. 

Both of you should celebrate your child’s birthday. Each of you can spend time with them on their birthday, or each of you can host a party. You can also send them to a relative’s house and pay them a visit. 

You should do something similar for major holidays like Thanksgiving. You can handle weeklong vacations and less important holidays individually. 

Get tools to help you with co-parenting. 2houses provides co-parenting apps. Sign up today. 

The ideal coparenting situation is one where both parents are present and enthusiastically involved in their children’s lives, hopefully on as close to a day-to-day level as possible. However, this ideal doesn’t always happen. In many cases, one parent is only involvedsporadically — or not at all — and the other parent is left to shoulder all of the parenting. But what happens when that absent parent comes back? We have some tips for navigating an absent parent’s return below.

What Is an Absent Parent?

An absent parent is a parent who doesn’t exercise their parenting time physically at all or at least not on a consistent basis. The person may also not be present in any real substantial amount for decisions surrounding the children. There is no official length of time that a parent has to be out of the children’s lives to be classified as an absent parent, but some state family
court systems will look at terminating parental rights or approving a stepparent adoption if the absent parent has had no contact with the children for at least a year.
An absent parent may be gone for several years with no communication at all, or they may call every few months to make a cursory attempt at seeing the children or asking when they can see the children, but they don’t follow through. A situation such as a parent who has to go on a work trip for two weeks and misses some visitation days doesn’t qualify as being an absent parent.

Why Do Parents Come in and Out?

There’s no easy answer to the question of why parents come in and out of a child’s life. It could be because they aren’t sure how to be a parent and aren’t confident in their relationship with their children. It could be because they’re afraiding of making a mistake or repeating poor parenting from their own childhood. It could also be that they have other life obligations and don’t understand the pain they are causing the child by not being present for them. In some situations, the parent may be struggling with a substance abuse disorder, addiction or other mental health issue.
While none of these are excuses or acceptable reasons for not being a present parent, it’s important to remember that in most cases, the absent or in-and-out parent doesn’t have any ill intentions and isn’t trying to hurt the child. In most situations, they simply don’t understand or care to understand how important their role and presence is in the child’s life enough to make a concerted effort to be there.

Navigating the Return

A previously absent parent can come back into your children’s lives for a variety of reasons. In some cases, they may start to mature and realize that their children need a relationship with them. In others, they may be facing family pressures and be trying to get back “in” with the kids before the holidays or summer vacation. No matter the reason, it can be extremely disruptive to both the children’s lives and the primary parent’s life, especially if the children are very young or the parent has been absent for a long time. Below are some strategies you can use to cope with the situation and try to ease some of the stress for yourself and your children.

1. Lay Down Boundaries With the Other Parent

If a parent is trying to come back into the children’s lives after a long absence, it’s important to have a conversation with them beforehand, if possible. They may not be aware of the child’s feelings and think that everything will just be “like it used to,” and there may also be specific things the parent needs to know about the child, such as allergies or medical conditions that have developed during their absence.

During this conversation, it’s a good idea to talk about the other parent’s relationship with the children. Make it clear that you support that relationship and want to have a good coparenting relationship with them. But it’s also important that the other parent understands that that can only happen if they can be consistent from this point forward. After a parent leaves the child’s life for a significant amount of time, especially if it was without cause or warning, it can take time to build that trust and relationship back up again.

2. Get Expectations in Writing

If you already have a court-ordered visitation schedule and the other parent wants to go back to that, you’re legally required to allow the children to go with the parent for their time. However, you can file a motion to ask the courts to modify the agreement or have a “step up” plan so that the child isn’t spending a weekend all of the sudden with someone they haven’t seen in three years. Or you can work out an arrangement that works for both of you, such as starting with more phone calls and dinner once a week and working back up to Saturday all day and eventually a full weekend.

Whatever you decide to go with, make sure to get it in writing and make it a part of your official parenting plan as soon as possible. This ensures there are no miscommunications, and everyone is in agreement with what the expectations are.

3. Talk to the Children

Before the other parent actually starts taking parenting time with the children again, you’ll want to talk with them. It’s important not to make excuses for or lie for the other parent as far as where they’ve been or why they were gone, but it’s equally important to treat it as neutrally as possible. Young children may not need much of an explanation, and older children and teenagers likely won’t care what the reason was anyway.

Make sure to ask your children open-ended questions to get an understanding of how they’re feeling about the change and what questions or concerns they may have. If they’re already in counseling, this can be a great time to bring in the counselor as well. It’s important to acknowledge and validate whatever feelings your children may have — even if they are negative. This will show your child that you are a safe place to share their feelings and encourage them to keep talking and sharing as the relationship and time progresses

4. Focus on Coparenting

It’s normal to be upset and angry with the absent parent and to be skeptical of whether they will stick around this time, but it’s best to keep those feelings to yourself. Once the other parent has expressed a desire to return to the children’s lives, your focus then becomes on coparenting as peacefully as possible. However, those who come in and out of a child’s life are often not known for their cooperation or reliability. That’s one reason using a coparenting app like 2houses can help. You can use the messaging features to communicate, so you don’t have to check texts or emails — and so you have a paper trail — and it lets you put everything related to the children directly online so you don’t have to communicate directly with the other parent about every little issue.

6. Be Prepared With a Backup Plan

While it’s important to remain positive and hopeful, the chances of a parent who has been absent for a long time successfully sticking around aren’t great. The odds are even less if the parent has come and gone a few times. It can be helpful to have a backup plan. On days where the other parent is supposed to come and get the children, it might be helpful to have an alternative to offer, such as the park, if they don’t show.

It’s equally important to ensure you have a solid support system since you may find yourself solo parenting more often than coparenting in these situations. Gathering a community of family and friends can help ensure you don’t feel like you’re having to do everything alone, and it also provides much-needed support as you’re navigating the absent parent’s return.

Divorce is challenging and overwhelming as it is. However, if you add in the interference and scrutiny from outside parties, it gets even more difficult. When the divorcing parties are high-profile or affluent, privacy can seem like a luxury.

Working with seasoned divorce attorneys is the first step you can take to maintain your privacy during the proceedings. Other ways you can effectively keep sensitive details out of the public eye include:

Tip #01: Avoid Social Media

If you are not careful, social media can easily derail divorce proceedings. Keep in mind that creating hostile posts about the other party can have negative repercussions in court. For the time being, keep your security settings private.

It is also recommended that you encourage family and friends not to post anything negative about the divorce or your significant other. Also, remind them not to leave any negative or derogatory comments on your profile or the other party’s profile.

As a general rule of thumb, don’t share any details about the proceedings with anyone. Moreover, don’t mention anything about it online. If you want to play safe, it would also be a good idea to deactivate your social media account for the time being.

Tip #02: File a Motion to Have Your Case Sealed

This might not be common knowledge, but the public has access to divorce court records. This means any interested party can have access to information and details about your divorce.

In line with this, it would be a good idea to ask your divorce attorney to file a motion to have your case sealed. However, the court needs to grant the motion first before your divorce records are kept out of the public eye.

Tip #03: Ensure Important Documents are Protected

If you are still living with your significant other or if other people are living with you at home, make sure critical documents are kept inside a locked file cabinet or lockbox.

Some of the essential documents you need to secure include your court documents, social security card, and even your medical records.

Tip #04: Be Careful When Answering Personal Questions

While it is customary to confide in close friends and family members during your divorce, you need to still control the information you share with others. When asked personal questions or any information about your divorce, you can politely tell them you would rather not discuss it.

Keep in mind that the less information you share with others, the fewer the complications that can arise.

Tip #05: Consider Mediation

Not all divorce proceedings have to occur in the conventional courtroom. Mediation will enable both parties to work with a mediator. No record will be made of the proceedings in mediation, and no information will become public knowledge.

It is also crucial that you work with a skilled attorney who can guide you and help you decide if mediation is right for you. If both parties agree to work amicably, mediation is an option you can look into.

Tip #06: Avoid Any Drama

The more dramatic and sensational your divorce is, the more interesting it can be to others. Since emotions can run high, it can be challenging to keep all the drama out of the proceedings. Fortunately, you have the option to minimize opportunities for conflict.

Start by limiting your communication with your ex-spouse to email. You also have the option to communicate with the other party through your divorce attorney.

Securing Your Privacy Online

If you are going through a difficult divorce, it is also recommended that you take steps to protect the integrity of your online accounts so you can move forward with confidence and peace of mind. To secure your privacy online, keep the following basics in mind:

Tip #01: Change Your Password

Change all your passwords for unshared personal and financial accounts. If you suspect spyware on your computer at home, change the passwords from a safe computer. Avoid logging in if you think your computer is compromised.

It would also be best to skip the WiFi at home and use a secure MiFi instead. Ensure you log off from shared devices and don’t tick the “remember me” box.

Tip #02: Purchase a New Mobile Phone and Data Plan

While you have the option to change your password and turn off any shared services, you can also consider purchasing a new mobile phone and data plan for your added peace of mind. This can help warrant your spouse won’t have access to your call history and text messages.

Once you have your new phone, make sure you secure it with a fingerprint or PIN and enable the 2-factor authentication. This way, even if your current password is compromised, no one can access your accounts without your new phone.

Tip #03: Check for Spyware

Spyware is a type of software you can install on your phone or computer, usually for a monthly fee. You can use different kinds of spyware to monitor the content of your outgoing and incoming emails, web searches, and text messages.

It is also important to remember that it is illegal to put spyware on your spouse’s computer or phone. If you suspect you are being spied on, check with your divorce lawyer or contact the authorities.

Tip #04: Turn Off Shared Cloud Services and Shared Devices

Consider disabling information-sharing across services and devices, including iCloud, Google, Amazon, Dropbox, and many more. Clouds can be tricky, especially for those who are not tech-savvy. To ensure you don’t miss any crucial steps, it would be a good idea to invest in the help of a technology specialist.

Tip #05: Check Applications on Devices You Own and Disable GPS Permissions

There are instances when spouses put GPS trackers on the other party’s phone without their knowledge. That said, check your list of apps and double-check if you have shared your location with anyone.

Final Thought

If you find any privacy or technology issues challenging to manage during your divorce proceedings, seek the guidance of your divorce attorney. Your divorce lawyer can help ensure you can navigate any privacy issues with ease and go through the proceedings as smoothly as possible.

About the Author:

Andrea Williams is the Community Manager at The Law Offices of Alcock & Associates P.C., a premier law group in Arizona that provides legal services to clients involved in Personal Injury, DUI, Immigration and Criminal cases. She enjoys cooking, reading books and playing minigolf with her friends and family in her spare time.

Divorce is never easy, but it gets more complicated when you have children. Navigating the complexities of coparenting can add more stress to one of the most difficult events in a person’s life. 

The custody arrangement you make can be based on the specific needs of you and your family, custody laws, and even court decisions. For many families, a 50/50 custody agreement is the most desirable so that both parents have equal time with their children. 

If an equal division of child custody is your plan, then consider a 3-3-4-4 schedule. To unpack the specifics, keep reading below.

Benefits of a 50/50 Custody Agreement

When it comes to giving parents equal time with their children, there are many factors to take into account. Make sure you consider the implications of work schedules, frequent communication, and the proximity of parents’ living situations. Depending on your unique agreement, the type of arrangement you need may change over time. 

Sharing time equally between parents and households is a great way to help your children have consistency. It means they get to see both parents and have a predictable schedule that they can count on. During times of upheaval, that can help your children cope with your separated divorce. 

In fact, research shows that kids who spend quality time with both parents following a divorce are better off. They tend to have less stress, which can cause health issues, as well as are better developed and have a better sense of security. 

Of course, there are barriers to 50/50 shared custody that may be unavoidable. If both parents do not live close to one another, then a mid-week hand-off is likely out of the question. Even alternating weeks may not be possible if your children’s school is too far away for one parent to get to during the week. 

In addition, frequent hand-off and exchanges may be required, which may not be a healthy decision if there are lingering tensions. Mid-week exchanges and good communication about school, extra-curricular activities, and other commitments will be necessary. 

How Does the 3-3-4-4 Schedule Work?

If you’ve decided that equal custody is the best way forward for your family, then the 3-3-4-4 schedule is a great option. 

At its most basic, one parent will have the children for three days, then the other parent will have them for three days. After the three days, the first parent will then have the next four days before exchanging again with the second parent for four days. 

While that may sound complicated, it ends up working out much more smoothly than one would think. For most families, the first decision that needs to be made is whether or not one parent will always have weekends or if weekends will be split. 

For a more equitable division, it’s advisable to make sure both families have time during weekends to spend with their kids. Otherwise, the allotted time a parent has with the kids is spent at school and other activities. 

To get started creating a 3-3-4-4 schedule, start with deciding which parent’s days fall first. If it’s Parent A, they can start their three days on Sunday (for example). They’ll get the children Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. At the prearranged exchange time, Parent A will hand the kids off to Parent B for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. 

At that point, each parent will have had their three days with the kids. On Saturday, Parent B will hand the kids off to Parent A for the next four days: Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Then, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday will be Parent B’s four days. 

The only variation will be every other Saturday. This allows parents to plan ahead for schedules and know when their set days will be from week to week. 

The benefit of the 3-3-4-4 schedule is that your child or children’s school can stay consistent, as well as requires the involvement of both parents. The schedule is predictable and consistent, which can help with transitions. 

Considerations

The start date for the 3-3-4-4 schedule can be any day of the week that works. If parents have non-traditional schedules (such as working weekends), then it may not make sense to start the schedule on Sunday. 

In addition, if both parents don’t live close to one another and your children’s school, then a 3-3-4-4 schedule may not be the best fit. 

You’ll also need to be a strong communicator with your co-parent. You need to be on the same page for drop-off and pick-up times and locations. This is especially true if exchanges will take place after school or following extracurricular activities. 

Good communication is also necessary about school assignments, sports schedules, sleepovers with friends, or grades. Having a plan for how to exchange information, communicate, and be on the same page is vital. 

It might be worth investing in a custody app to help make communication easier for all parties involved. Not only can it help with communication, but can be a great way to compile information in one place for future reference. 

Holidays

One of the downfalls of a 3-4-4-3 schedule is that it does not take holidays and school breaks into account. For the most part, whichever parent has the children on a day when there is also a holiday will get to celebrate with them. 

This can seem unequal and unfair to many parents. For example, one parent may never get to spend Thanksgiving with your kids, since the holiday always falls on a Thursday. The other parent may never get to celebrate Easter as a family. 

You should have a plan in place for how you will deal with these important holidays. There are also court decisions that need to be taken into account, as well as travel arrangements for vacations or visiting family out of town. 

Regardless, there will need to be a certain amount of flexibility and understanding. If you’re not willing to be flexible with the 3-3-4-4 schedule, then another arrangement may be better. 

3-3-4-4 Schedule Variations

Your family’s needs will be unique, depending on your jobs, location, and situation. Your custody arrangement doesn’t have to be exactly what we’ve laid out here. The goal is to have your children spend equal time with both parents throughout the week, but how that looks can vary. 

It will also depend on what days and times you end up exchanging custody. This can also play a role in the amount of time kids spend with both parents, so your schedule may shift to accommodate schedules. 

4-3-3-4 Schedule

If your exchange times are different from week to week, to accommodate a parent’s work schedule, for example, it may work best to have a 4-3-3-4 schedule. 

For the first week, perhaps Parent A gets custody at 3 pm on Saturday. They have the children until 9 am Wednesday, at which point Parent B takes over. Parent B would have the children through Sunday at 3 pm. 

At 3 pm on Sunday, the parents exchange custody until 3 pm on Wednesday, when Parent B takes over again until the 3 pm exchange on Sunday. 

While not exactly three or four full days, the hours each parent spends with their children are equal. 

3-4-4-3 Schedule

If you always want to have a set weekend with your children, then a 3-4-4-3 schedule may help to keep that time set apart and special. In this arrangement, weekend exchanges would always be set (for example, Saturday night). 

The hand-off during the week would change, however. An example schedule is that Parent A would always have custody on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. Parent B would always have your child or children on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. The day in flux would be Wednesday, which would alternate between parents every other week. 

This leave weekends set, which can allow for time spent on more fun activities together. During the week, when many kids are in school, the pick up day can alternate between Wednesday and Thursday. 

4-4-3-3 Schedule

You can also switch the order and have the four days fall first in the custody arrangement. Parent A would have the children for 4 days, from Sunday through Wednesday. Parent B would then have custody for 4 days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 

Parent A then has three days with the kids, from Monday to Wednesday. Parent B then has Thursday through Saturday. The exchange days would still be every Wednesday and every other Sunday. 

Split Weekends

Most parents want time on the weekends with their children outside of school hours and commitments. In that case, it’s important to plan your schedule in such a way that both parents have time on the weekends for activities and time together. 

When you decide to split the time on weekends will depend on your preferences and what works for your family. 

3rd Party Time

As kids get older, they can spend more and more time in school, at sports and extracurricular activities, or even with friends. Depending on the night of the week you have custody, that could mean you spend more time chauffering your kids to sports practice, music lessons, or birthday parties. 

This can start to encroach on your time with your kids. It can be helpful to account for 3rd party time, or time when you kids are with neither parent. Calculating this time can help determine who each parent can get equal time with your children. 

Adjustments can be made, perhaps a later pick up time, to allow both parents to enjoy time together with your kids outside of school and pre-arranged activities. 

Other 50/50 Custody Agreement Options

There are many other possibilities to have equal custody of your children if the 3-3-4-4 schedule isn’t for you. Remember, though, that equal time with your children still requires that parents live close to one another and your kids’ school, as well as good communication. 

Alternating Weeks

Sharing custody every other week is the most straightforward option of equal custory. Custody exchanges can take place every Friday night or Saturda morning. That gives each parent an entire weekend together with your kids. 

This schedule allows children to plan for a whole week at a time at one parent’s home and not worry about a mid-week switch. 

Alternating Week with Mid-Week Visit or Overnight

While alternating weeks is consistent, it can feel like a long stretch to go a week at a time without seeing your children. This can be address by a mid-week whichever parent does not have custody that week. It can be as simple as a dinner together or time working on homework. 

You can also add in a mid-week overnight with the opposite parent. Just make sure that the night in question doesn’t not have other commitments such as music lessons or activities that will reduce the amount of time spent together. 

2-2-3

The beauty of a 2-2-3 schedule is that each parents gets a long, 3-day weekend together with your children. This will alternate, so each parent will be able to count and plan on time outside of school commitments and schedules to spend together. 

2-2-5-5

A 2-2-5-5 schedule allows for longer stretches of time together before an exchange occurs. For many parents, when 3 or 4 days go too quickly, a longer amount of time is needed. 

This schedule works similarly to a 3-3-4-4 in which Parent A has two days, Parent B has 2 days, then Parent A has 5 days and Parent B has 5 days. This does create a bit more fluxuation of days, so it’s important to use a calendar to make sure everyone knows who has custody for which days. 

Sharing Custody: How to choose? 

When it comes time for you and your family to settle on a custody arrangement, take some time to weigh your options. Having a consistent and predictable schedule can work wonders as you help your children understand and accept your divorce. 

While a 3-3-4-4 schedule is a great option, make sure everyone understands what it will involve. And in order to help you and your co-parent navigate a new arrangement, make sure you contact us to see how the 2houses App can make your transition easier and more manageable. 

Filing for divorce can be one of the most difficult events that occur in a person’s life, and it is only made more stressful and emotional when children are involved. Coming up with a co-parenting schedule that works for your kids, your spouse, and you is absolutely essential when your children are going to be spending time with both parents.

There are an endless number of options when it comes to 50/50 co-parenting schedules. However, no matter what you end up choosing, you want to make sure that you are organized and that the schedule is well-communicated between both parents.

Are you interested in creating a 3-3-4-4 schedule but aren’t quite sure if it’s the right method for you and your family?

Let’s take a look at what you need to know.

How 3-3-4-4 Schedules Work

When sharing custody of children, you want to create a schedule that prioritizes the needs of the children while also being practical for co-parents.

This is a 50/50 residential schedule. It has your child or children staying with one parent for three days of the week and then the other parent for the next three days. Then, the child stays with the first parent for four days before staying with the other parent for the next four days.

What this does is creates an equal amount of time spent with each parent over a two-week period. You can make different variations on this schedule, having a 4-3-3-4 schedule, a 3-4-3-4 schedule, a 4-3-4-3 schedule, and so on.

Creating a 3-3-4-4 Schedule

You can start a 3-3-4-4 schedule on whatever day of the week makes the most sense for you and your family. If you start on a Monday, then one of the weekends is split between the parents while the other is entirely spent with one parent. The same is true if you start the schedule on Sunday.

It’s important to be organized when it comes to creating parental schedules. The easiest way to make sure everyone understands the plan for the week or month is to use an online interactive calendar. This can help parents manage changes to the schedule without any time conflicts.

What Are the Pros and Cons of This Type of Schedule For Custody?

There are a lot of different 50/50 split custody models you can use to design your schedule. With each of them, there are some benefits and some drawbacks. Depending on your schedule and the schedule of your co-parent, as well as the schedule and needs of the child, one of these types of custody schedules might be more appropriate for your family.

Let’s take a look at some of the benefits of a 3-3-4-4 schedule:

• Every week parents have the same nights with the children except for one night a week that switches
• Each week, children are able to spend a significant amount of time with both parents
• Both parents get to spend an equal amount of time with the children
• The number of exchanges is minimized compared to other schedule models
• Both parents have the opportunity to participate in daily caretaking
• This can be a schedule that works well for parents who have different work schedules
• The children never have to go very long without seeing either of their parents

On the flip side, there are some things that might make this scheduling model less appealing to you and your family. Some of the cons are:

• It can work out that one parent has the children staying with them every weekend
• The children have to be able to adapt to living in two separate houses during the same week
• Co-parents need to be able to communicate about both the schedule and the children frequently
• Co-parents need to have good communication about both the activities and the schoolwork of the child because there is a midweek exchange
• Both parents need to live close to the children’s school and fairly close to one another for this schedule to be practical

When you are creating a custody schedule, you will want to take a look at the work schedule of both you and your co-parent. At the same time, you will need to consider the school and activity schedule for your child. This information can help guide you to choose a schedule that best supports your child and allows both parents to spend time with the children.

(Are you experiencing anxiety as a co-parent? If so, check out these five tips to help you cope with your anxiety.)

Different 50/50 Schedules For Custody

If this custody schedule doesn’t seem right for your family, there are a number of other options. You might find that some of the other choices offer more benefits for the needs of your family, while others might be completely inapplicable to your situation.

Alternating Weeks

In this model, your child spends a week with you and another week with your co-parent. Depending on your schedule, this can be an easy to keep track of schedule that minimizes exchanges. It also allows your children to spend an entire week in each house, which might help them feel more settled and centered.

Some of the pros of alternating weeks with children include:

• Each parent gets to spend a long period of time with the kids
• The exchanges are limited
• The amount of time each parent has with the children is equal
• It can provide consistency for your kids, particularly if they find change difficult
• You can add overnight or midweek visits so that your children can still see the other parent during the week
• It can help your children stay current on homework and other school assignments

On the negative side, the alternating week schedule means that:

• Both parents will need to live near to the school if the children are school-aged
• Some children might find it difficult and uncentering to have two different homes
• Both parents need to live fairly close to one another
• Parents will need to be in good and frequent communication about the children’s activities and school work
• It can be difficult for both the children and the parents to be apart from their kids for a week at a time

If you like the idea of minimizing exchanges for a 50/50 custody schedule, continue reading to learn about an every two-week schedule.

(Are you confused about what expenses legally have to be shared after you get divorced? Check out this resource to learn everything you need to know.)

Two Weeks Each

This is similar to the previous model except that the children spend two weeks with each parent. Some of the pros of this model include:

• Parents can limit the amount of contact they have with each other
• The number of exchanges is limited each month
• It can be a good solution in high-conflict situations
• The parenting time is equal which can lead to fewer schedule conflicts
• The children have the opportunity to live with each parent for an extended period of time
• Parents don’t have to live as close to one another as with schedules with more frequent exchanges
• You can add in overnight or midweek visits if desired
• Both parents have the opportunity to participate in the daily care of the children

On the other hand, some of the downsides of this model can include:

• Parents who have children that are school-age need to both live near the school
• Some children and parents might struggle to be apart for two weeks at a time
• The children have to adapt to having two different residences
• Parents have to communicate and cooperate about the children

If spending this amount of time apart just isn’t going to work for you, let’s check out some of the schedules that break up each week with both parents getting to spend time with the kids.

2-2-5-5 Schedule

This is a schedule where the children spend two days with one parent, two days with the other, five with the first parent, and then five with the second parent. This means that over a two-week period they spend the same amount of time with the children.

This can be good in a number of ways. For one, it allows the kids to spend time with both of their parents during each week. It means that they never have to go a long time without seeing either of their parents and that the parents can have equal time with the kids over the course of the month.

Many people who have nontraditional work schedules find this to be a fitting schedule. It can also work well for children who are young enough to not be in school yet.

Some of the drawbacks include having frequent exchanges that can be difficult to keep track of and might not be ideal in high-conflict situations. This schedule also means that one parent might end up having the kids every weekend.

2-2-3 Schedule

Another schedule that can work with unusual working hours is the 2-3-3 schedule. This allows kids to spend time with each parent during a typical week and means they never have to go too long without seeing either parent.

This model requires frequent exchanges, however. Some children might not adapt well to switching homes on such a regular basis, as it can be hard to ever feel settled in or centered.

Alternating Every Two Days

This is another schedule that might work for some while not being appropriate for other families. While children never have to go long without seeing either parent, it might be hard for them to adapt to switching homes so frequently. Dealing with the logistics of exchanges so often can also be difficult and time-consuming.

How Do You Choose the Right 50/50 Schedules For Custody?

There are a lot of things you’ll want to take into account when you are sharing custody of children evenly. You will want to honestly consider different aspects of your routine, your relationship with your co-parent, and the needs of your children.

For example, how many days are ideal between visits with your children? On the one hand, you don’t want to go too many days without seeing your child at a time, but you also want to minimize how frequently they are changing homes.

Additionally, how well do you and your co-parent communicate and get along? If you get along just great then you don’t have to worry about this aspect of things. However, if things tend to lean towards conflict, you might want to minimize how much communication and interaction is expected between the two of you as a part of your co-parenting.

You’ll also want to think about how consistent you want to keep the schedule. Is it better to have the same schedule every single week or better to spend the same weeks a month together? It’s important to consider this in conjunction with school, sports, and activities schedules.

Of course, you’ll also want to factor in the ages of your children and what will work best for them. Young children tend to do best with a consistent routine, while tweens and teens typically do better with schedules that allow them to stay in one place for longer at a time.

Schedules For Custody: How to Communicate About Custody in the Digital Age

Creating a 3-3-4-4 schedule can be an appropriate model for many co-parents who are splitting custody. It can allow both parents and children to spend time with each other each week while also minimizing exchanges and disruption to the home life of children.

No matter what schedule you choose, it’s important to have an easy way to make schedule changes and stay organized about your calendar. If you’re ready to minimize confusion and maximize organization and efficiency when it comes to your schedules for custody, check out 2houses today.