6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child

things you should never never say to your children

Do you find yourself saying things to your child during an argument without even thinking about it? Let’s face it, it’s almost impossible to be detached or objective when your child is in your face fighting with you. And naturally, it feels like a personal attack when he’s saying rude things or calling you names. During those moments, it’s all too easy to respond with something hurtful. All of a sudden, your feelings take over—your emotions jump into the driver’s seat and your thinking moves into the back seat.
What comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.
Almost every parent has gotten mad and said things to their kids they wish they could take back. The trick is to figure out how to remain in control so you don’t end up saying something you’ll regret. Though this is easier said than done, trust me, it is possible—and it’s a skill you can learn, just like anything else.

On the Parental Support Line, we hear from people all the time after they’ve had arguments with their kids. They call us to get perspective and to find out ways they can manage their children’s behavior—and their own responses—more effectively. Here are some examples of the types of phrases I believe you should avoid saying to your child during an argument. (Later, I’ll suggest some things you can say—and do—instead.)
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by Carole Banks for empoweringparents.com

Easy King Cake

king cake recipe - 2houses

Ingrédients for the king cake :

  • 1 (16 oz) can of biscuits (regular, not the layered kind but the regular). We use “Grands”
  • 1/4 cup melted butter
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 tablespoon cinnamon
  • A few spoonfuls of canned cream cheese frosting (optional)
  • Yellow, Purple, Green Sprinkles

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line a cookie sheet with Release foil. You can skip this, but it makes clean up easier. Open the biscuits and lay them flat on the foil. Press them into a large circle (about 12 inches) or giant rectangle.

Paint the dough with butter, then mix sugar and cinnamon together and sprinkle evenly over dough.

Lay babies or figurines somewhere on the dough.

Roll the dough up into a cylinder and pinch as tightly as possible to seal. Shape the cylinder into a round.

Bake for 35 minutes. Let cool slightly, then spoon icing over top and let it fall down sides. Sprinkle sugar on top.

Ready to eat! It tastes best shortly after being made, but also tastes good the next day.

How kids really feel about divorce

feeling of the children about a divorce - 2houses

When it comes to divorce, everyone is concerned about the kids. Not that everyone who divorces has kids, but we don’t seem to have as much angst about child-free couples who divorce as we do about those who have kids — especially young kids.

For all our studies about how divorce impacts kids, ranging from the doom and gloom genre to “the kids are all right” variety, we don’t seem to ask the most important people of all what they think — the kids themselves.

Ellen Bruno did.

The longtime San Francisco filmmaker and international relief worker interviewed a handful of children aged 6 to 12 about their feelings about their parents’ divorce for her nearly completed documentary, Split.

Read more and see the video…

By OMGchronicles

Becoming A Stepmom: 3 Strategies For Success

become a stepmom - 2houses

Are you a current or prospective stepmom? For most people, taking on the role of stepparent is an entirely new experience, and presents challenges even the best prepared stepmom couldn’t have imagined. Have your partner’s children been adversarial? Maybe they shut down and you feel like you can’t connect with them. Do you feel lost about how to deal with the changes that are swirling around you?

My mother and I, who both grew up in divorced families and dealt with stepparents of our own, interviewed more than 200 adult daughters of divorce for our forthcoming book, Love We Can Be Sure Of. While they spoke about many issues, their dealings with their stepmoms were especially poignant. Their stories may help you.

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By  Tracy E. Clifford for Huffpost Divorce

How to display a rapport by category or by period of my expenses

rapport by category or by period of my expenses 2houses

Now that the 2houses new version and its amazing new features are out, we will introduce some of the main new ones here to make sure this new version is no longer a secret for you. Today we’re going to introduce one of the features that many of you asked for, the display of report by period or by category!

How to do so ? Just follow the steps:

1) To start, click on “FINANCIAL” in the upper menu, then “Expenses” in the black menu and then on the right side bar, you’ll find two options for your report : a report by category by clicking on “report by category” or report by period by clicking on “report by period

2) If you chose a report by category, the system will generate a pie-chart report and will display the percentages by category. You’ll be able to filter your expenses by children, parents and by period in the menu at the top of the pie-chart.

Under the pie-chart report, the system also generates a list of your expenses by category. You have the possibility to export your expenses in .pdf format or .csv format by clicking on “Export” at the top of the list, and choose one of these two formats.

3) On the right menu, you have the possibility to display a report by period. To do so, click on “report by period“. The system will generate a bar chart report with your expenses of the year with the amounts link to each category. You can filter them by children, parents and  choose to take into consideration expenses not approved and pending or not by ticking or not the box in the filter menu.

4) Under the bar chart report, the system generates a list of your expenses by month. You have the possiblity to export your expenses in .pdf format or .csv format by clicking on “Export” at the top of the list, and choose one of these two formats.

And that’s all! You can now display a report of your expenses and export them! Your financial management is easier than ever!

 

When Push Comes to Love: Be realistic about kids and divorce

divorce and children - 2houses

When parents divorce, children do suffer a loss. Sometimes parents have a difficult time seeing that and they make up justifications for what is happening. I have heard them all: “My parents got divorced and I am okay,” “kids are resilient,” and even “things are not going to change that much.” I don’t really know how to state this any clearer: all that you do profoundly impacts your children. All. That. You. Do. Getting a divorce changes your child’s life forever. Never again will it be the same for your child(ren). And if you don’t know how your children felt about your marriage before the divorce it might be a good idea to sit down and have a conversation about it. Many times parents are floored to hear that their children felt that life was great before the divorce, despite the fact that the parents may have been arguing, not talking or nearly living separate lives. Children’s perceptions can be far different.

Below are some recommendations for families beginning the divorce process and those who are in the middle of it. It isn’t easy for anyone and…

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Article by Beverly Carr working at LCSW (a licensed clinical social worker based in Norwich.) for theday.com

Eight Tips to Help You Deal With Mixed Emotions After Divorce

mixed emotions after divorce - 2houses

After the divorce you may find you have mixed emotions about your ex – spouse.

While you may know that the divorce was for the best, you may find that some days you hate your ex – spouse, and, surprisingly, other days you miss him/her. You may wonder why you feel any fondness for someone you are divorcing. It is perfectly normal, and most divorced people report these mixed emotions. So how do you cope with these changing emotions?

  1. Emotions are not good or bad. They just ARE. When a couple divorces, the bad times they shared may be a recent memory, but there are times when each person feels vulnerable, lonely, or scared of the changes taking place. At these times, you may think of the good times. (Hopefully, they were not all bad!) Allow yourself these trips down memory lane. Don’t try to push down your emotions, but allow yourself to feel all the emotional stages of divorce. Expect that you will have your up’s and down’s.
  2. Divorce means change. Realize that every divorce brings about such change, and change is not always easy. There are times we are tempted to look back, because it is easier than facing the fact that you now have to rebuild your life. Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes along and that you have made the right decision to divorce. Don’t let fear overtake your judgment.
  3. Make lists. It helps to make a list of the reasons you divorced, and the differences you had. Also, make a list of the good parts of your former relationship. Many newly divorced people are so focused on the bad that they grow resentful and hold such a grudge against their ex – spouse, it is hard to move on with their lives. Everyone has some good traits and some bad.
…Read More…By , About.com Guide

Divorce Need Not be Destructive–Here’s Why

effective co-parenting keys - 2houses

Co-parenting after divorce has become an increasingly attractive and sought after arrangement. In contrast to the conventional sole custody in which the mother typically has all the responsibility for the children, co-parenting emphasizes an equal (or nearly equal) role for fathers.

Co-parenting fathers have the children with them for more overnights and play a larger role in the many tasks associated with parenting, tasks such as clothes shopping, extra curricular activities and homework. Today, the majority of mothers are employed full time and the simple logistics of two career couples require co-parenting. It is too exhausting to have a full time job as well as all the responsibility for raising the children. So divorcing couples are moving to co-parenting out of simple necessity and the need to survive

But recognizing that co-parenting is desirable is not the same thing as making it successful. For co-parenting to work couples have to proceed through the divorce without the destructive adversarial struggle that characterizes so much of conventional divorce. If you want to succeed at co parenting, the “co” has to mean cooperation from the beginning. A couple who conduct an adversarial divorce and then try to have equal parenting will find themselves doing parallel parenting rather than co parenting. For this reason I strongly recommend that couples who seek a shared and cooperative parenting arrangement seek mediation rather than conventional adversarial divorce.

There are six keys to making co-parenting work.

1. Residential Proximity
The most effective co parenting usually involves parents that live close to each other. Although it is possible to make it work living far apart it is not likely. The co parenting relationship suffers from the fact that the children’s friends and activities usually center on one neighborhood and the need to drive them back and forth frequently soon taxes everyone’s patience. I usually urge parents to reside within the children’s social orbit and have found over the years that this works best.

2. Economic Parity
Great economic disparity between the two households almost always causes problems. Rich house/poor house is quickly communicated to the children with inevitable resentment as a consequence. Co-parenting is actually more expensive because it requires two complete homes for the kids. Unfortunately, child support guidelines penalize mothers who agree to such arrangements by reducing already inadequate support. For people who want to make co parenting work child support guidelines are a poor standard. I encourage couples to determine support levels pragmatically by careful review of budgets so that both households are adequately funded.

3. Intelligent scheduling
Parenting schedules should be designed to meet the needs of all family members. Parents need time to be with their children. They also need time away from their children to rest and build new social lives. Children need time with both parents but also need reasonable stability. So schedules must address all of those needs. For full shared parenting the best schedule for most families includes alternate weekends from Friday evening to Monday morning.

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by Sam Margulies for psychologytoday.com

Disciplining Your Child After Divorce

Teaching discipline to the kids - 2houses

Child discipline in an intact family is a responsibility shared between Mom and Dad. Once there is a divorce the custodial parent will have to take on the majority of this responsibility.

Non-custodial parents should remain as actively involved in child discipline as possible but it only makes sense that the parent spending more time with the child will end up doing most of the work where discipline is concerned.

It is a dirty job but someone has to do it! It is especially important that children who are struggling to cope with the changes in their family be given a structured environment to help them cope with the many changes that come along with divorce.

This is a guide for the custodial parent who may find themselves not only attempting to cope with the stress of being a single parent but also the impact of divorce on their child.

Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Workshop:

Busy children are less likely to get into or cause trouble. Keeping your child engaged in…

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By , About.com Guide

Is This The Worst Thing You Could Say To A Divorcee?

difference between a divorce and a separation - 2houses

One of the most common responses that I receive when I tell others that I am divorced is: “Oh, I know how you feel. I just broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”

I know that you’re trying to empathize with me, but I don’t believe that it is possible for you to know how I feel unless you have been divorced yourself. Yes, the end of a long-term relationship is horrible and devastating, but I don’t believe that it compares to the emotional trauma of getting a divorce, no matter how long the couple has been together.

Divorce is a loss unlike anything else that most people will experience in their lifetime. Divorce is hard emotionally, financially and socially; it’s heartbreakingly difficult. Many sources have said that divorce is the second-most traumatic life experience that a person can go through, after the death of a spouse. I fully believe that there is a good reason — actually, many good reasons — that they didn’t include the breaking up of long-term relationships on that list.

While some breakups do involve separating assets and legal paperwork, the majority of breakups of (childless) relationships don’t. All divorces require paperwork — even the ones that end amicably. Divorce brings out the worst in people. Lawyers get involved, fights start and animosity grows. Of course, not every relationship ends badly (for example, my ex and I are still good friends) but in general, having to argue over each book, every dish and every dollar acquired during the marriage is not a fun experience for anyone.

The biggest difference between a divorce and the breakup of a long-term relationship is the emotional and mental toll that it takes. When getting married, a couple stands in front of all of their friends and family — and in many cases, before God — and declares their never-ending love for each other. They promise to spend their lives together “for better or for worse”. After getting married, the two individuals become a family that works together toward common goals, hopes and dreams.

When a marriage ends, the sense of failure that both parties feel is overwhelming. Even if the reason for divorcing is valid, there is still a lingering feeling of having lied to everyone who mattered most. Divorcees often feel like they have let everyone down by not being able to “fix” their marriage.

Along with the incredible sense of failure comes extreme loneliness, because divorce represents the end of “us” and the return to “me, on my own again”. When a long-term relationship ends, there is still a sense of loss but, in most cases, the two individuals were able to keep their sense of self and maintain (somewhat) separate lives during the relationship; returning to their own life after a breakup isn’t as severe a transition.

So if your friend or family member tells you that they are getting a divorce, don’t tell them that you know how they feel, unless you actually do. Tell them that you’re sorry, that you’ll be there to support them, to listen to them, to drink with them, hug them and let them cry on your shoulder. Tell them that it will be tough (because you read it in an insightful Huffington Post article, not because you experienced it personally) but that they will make it through, and in many cases, they will be happier because of it.

Trust me. At the end of the grieving process, they will thank you for it.

by  Public Relations & Marketing Professional for Huffingtonpost.com