Guardianship vs. Custody: What’s the Difference

Guardianship vs. Custody

A lot of people wrongly assume that custody and guardianship are the same thing, or at least that they are the same in all but name. While both relate to the care of others, they are not the same. There are some key differences between custodians and guardians.

Understanding the difference is crucial, especially if you are heading into any legal proceedings. A good guardianship attorney can make all the difference and help you to win any case brought forward.

What is Custody?

Custody of a child can relate to both physical and legal custody.

Physical custody means physical control of the child for a period of time, having them stay in your house at that time, for instance. So, someone who isn’t the custodian may have rights to see someone for a certain time, and in that time they have physical custody.

Legal custody means the authority for decision-making regarding children, and things like their schooling or any medicine they are taking.

What is Guardianship

Guardianship, on the other hand, generally refers to a legal relationship in which one party (‘the guardian’) is empowered to act for the benefit of another (‘the ward’).

Guardianship is slightly different, it refers to a legal arrangement. The guardian is allowed in the eyes of the law to act for the benefit of the “ward” or young person in question. The relationship can be a good way to help to look after both children but also adults with mental disabilities. The responsibilities of guardians aren’t the same as of parents or custodians, but they do need to keep the child safe and protected, guardianship can also be temporary in some scenarios such as the parents being alive but unable to provide care.

What Decision-Making Power Do Custodians and Guardians Have

Custodians are usually more involved in the decision-making of a child or vulnerable adult, and creating a course for their life and future. Having custody of a child means having the majority of the rights that parents ordinarily have, depending on any court arrangements which may limit custody.

If you are a guardian of a child then there is every chance that you will just be making the day-to-day decisions. You might be helping a child with their homework, deciding what they eat for their lunch, and more, but you won’t be making the big decisions such as how an illness is treated.

What’s the Difference Between Physical and Legal Child Custody

Physical custody over a child is having them in your physical presence and being able to look after them for that time. For instance, separated parents may share custody, and one sees the child at the weekends while the other sees them during the week. Legal custody is more related to decision-making and being able to have a steer over the child’s life. This means choosing things like how they will be cared for, where they go to school, and more.

Who Appoints a Custodian or a Guardian

A custodian or guardian is appointed by the court, with a judge having the final say on who is appointed after looking at the evidence and often the wishes of parents if they have passed away.

If the change in custody is a shock and nobody has planned for it then the courts will be able to rule over the custody or guardianship of a child or a vulnerable adult.

Who May Receive Custody or Guardianship

A court can appoint a guardian or custodian, and only a judge has the power to make the final decision. However, that doesn’t mean people don’t have any input on their own children. Estate planning is crucial, and in your will you can outline who you would like to take custody of your children in the event of you passing away. This is why it is so crucial that you have quality legal representation.

In order to be a custodian or a guardian in the US, you must be a US citizen, of sound mind, without being convicted of any felonies. It is also crucial that you are 18 years of age or older. For instance, a 17 year old could not take custody of a relative.

Duration of Custodianship vs. Guardianship

In short, guardianship can be temporary. For instance, if the parents are still alive but not able to take care of their children at the current time. This could even be kept under review.

If a court grants permanent guardianship or custody then this will usually last until a minor is 18 years old, or there are some situations where it can end early. For instance, if they join the military or get married. Plus, if a court deems that a guardian can no longer carry out their duties and look after the individual in question, guardianship can be terminated.

Guardianship and custody is quite complex, and applies to minors as well as adults who are suffering from a mental illness or handicap in some scenarios. The court proceedings can be complicated and there are plenty of lawyers who specialize in the area and getting what is right for a child. Decisions are made by a judge, even if a parent has outlined who they would like to take care of their children.

How to Make Transitions Between Households Easier for Children

parenting changeovers

Transitions between households after their parents separate requires an adjustment for children. With shared parenting schedules, children no longer see both parents every day. Also, they need to adapt to the new surroundings if either parent moves.

Parenting changeovers, when the children transition from one home to the other, need special care. This is a time when children often feel emotional as they switch between co-parenting homes. But co-parents can smooth these transitions with a few guidelines for parenting changeovers.

Make Transitions Between Households Easier by Letting the Children Know What’s Next

Transitions between households are easier for children when they know what to expect. Parenting changeovers are generally scheduled in advance, so there is no reason to spring the surprise on the kids.

Being aware of a parenting changeover helps a child as they adjust to their new life in two houses. Knowing what to expect lessens anxiety and provides a sense of stability.

Keep children informed of their schedules by reminding them as early in the day as possible. The way you choose to inform them generally depends on how old they are. Most people (parents included) find a large wall calendar works well. For younger children, add stickers to mark parenting changeovers. Older kids and teenagers are likely able to access an electronic copy of the family schedule on their phones. Using the 2houses shared family app helps you keep track and allows older children to check the upcoming schedule directly. The shared family calendar app eliminates the risk of making a mistake by copying the calendar somewhere else.

Be sure to let kids know before any changes, temporary or permanent. But don’t discuss plans with the kids until everything is finalized. Plans being in flux can cause anxiety and feelings of insecurity in children of all ages.

No Luggage

Packing a bag to take between houses can make children feel like they don’t really belong anywhere. Don’t have them drag luggage along as part of parenting changeovers. Do everything you can to help them feel settled in both homes. Packing a suitcase makes things feel temporary. When they have only one set of belonging that they tote back and forth, there is always a danger of forgetting something. Talk about stress! This is even more true for short overnight stays mid-week or frequent transitions between households.

The first thing your child does when they come into your home should not be to unpack as if they are staying at a hotel. Get rid of the luggage, so they don’t feel like a visitor (at either home.) Co-parents can work to create an expectation that the kids have two homes instead of not having even one. So, make sure your children have clothing, toiletries, and other daily items in both houses.

Conflict-Free Parenting Changeovers  

Nothing makes a parenting changeover more stressful for your children than conflict between their parents. It’s unlikely you and your co-parent will always agree. Still, when the children are making transitions between households, it is not time to work things out. Keep those conversations strictly private. Children are hyper-aware of parent emotions, tone, and body language, especially during parenting changeovers. Assume that if they are anywhere around, they can hear you.

Don’t Be Late

Nothing creates conflict during a parenting changeover than one parent being late. And, of course, it becomes impossible to hide your annoyance if they do it frequently. Transitions between two households are now a permanent part of your life for many years.

So, if you are running late, notify your co-parent as soon as you know. Don’t wait until you are already late and end up leaving them to wait for you for another half an hour.

In Summary

Parenting time changeovers take some time to get used to. Work hard to make your children’s transition between households as smooth as possible. Keep the kids informed of the schedule, make both households feel like home, and protect them from co-parenting conflicts. Then you can help your children confidently settle into their new schedules.

Parenting Plans for Teens

Parenting plan for teens

Once your children reach their teen years, many things change, including parenting plans. Whether they are new to having 2houses or their parents have lived apart for many years, kids need a new co-parenting plan when they reach their teen years. At this point in their lives, they can usually take a more active role using a shared family calendar app themselves.

Development Stages that Impact a Co-Parenting Plan for Teens

You remember being a teenager, and you see some of the same changes in your kids. As teens develop a greater sense of their personal identity, they also see their roles in different situations more clearly. This is a natural time to examine the rules and regulations of interacting in society, school, and family and friends.

There is a gradual separation from the family as they develop a stronger sense of self. As teens grow older, they can handle more of their own scheduling for social activities, work, school, extra-curriculars, and other responsibilities. Parents need to provide guidance and support designed to help teens become increasingly more independent. The co-parenting plan needs adjustment to reflect these developmental changes.

Parenting Plans and Schedules Using a Shared Family Calendar App

Creating parenting plans and schedules can seem overwhelming, especially as kids get older and if you have more than one child. Keeping everything together in one place where both parents, and your teens, have access makes scheduling more straightforward and streamlines communication.

Teens are notorious for forgetting deadlines when they are involved in other activities. This normal developmental milestone often sets the stage for conflict with and between co-parents. A shared family calendar app reduces communication breakdowns. It includes everyone in the scheduling process and sets reminders to ensure nothing is forgotten.

Making Co-Parenting Plans More Effective for Teens  

Co-parenting teenagers is a challenge every day. The process of becoming an adult tends to challenge authority, shift priorities, and create new freedoms. Consider these concepts about teenagers.

  • Teenagers use their family as a foundation for support and guidance
  • Teens still need parental oversight and nurturing, even if they sometimes say otherwise
  • Co-parenting plans best allow both parents to be involved in your teen’s life as much as possible.
  • This is a time of exploration. Teens enjoy new and different activities while developing relationships outside the family.
  • Co-parenting plans for teens must remain flexible because activities often conflict with a parent’s time.
  • Teens want greater independence and more control over their schedule. The co-parenting plan should consider your teenager’s preferences. A shared family calendar app gives them a quick way to make their preferences known.
  • Co-parents should do everything they can to create consistent rules for curfews, dating, driving, etc.  

Often teens decide they want to live primarily in one home. Do not take this personally! The reasoning is usually because of their friends and other activities. Schedule time during the week to see both parents and make a point of attending activities to see them more.

In Summary

A teenager’s life gets busy with school, extracurriculars, work, and a blossoming social life. Parents may feel left out as the child goes through the normal developmental stages of becoming more independent. Co-parents may find it hard to spend as much time as they would like with their teens.

So, a shared family calendar app from 2houses helps organize and prioritize your teen’s activities. Streamline communications with your co-parent and include your teen in the process.

Custody Exchange and Parenting Schedules – What’s Best for Your Family?

Custody exchange

Custody exchange routines and parenting schedules can be critical to conflict-free co-parenting. And this goes beyond planning which days the kids spend the night with which parent. A family calendar includes every aspect of the children’s lives, like doctor’s and dentist appointments, school events, and holidays. A shared family calendar app can lay a foundation for communication between parents.

Every family is different, but several common parenting schedules support different family lifestyles. You can build any of these into the 2houses shared family calendar app. Let’s look at some options that may work best for your family.

  • Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules
  • 2-2-3 Co-Parenting Routines
  • 2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines
  • Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules allow your kids to spend an entire week with each parent before moving back to the other parent’s house. This is good for families where the parents live close enough that the kids can easily get to school and best for older kids. It’s ideal in situations where the kids are mobile enough to make the custody exchange themselves (by riding their bikes home to the other parent’s house, for example.) Consider a mid-week visit for dinner or virtual chat with the other parent.

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines splits the time with your kids 50/50, with each parent having the kids for a couple of days, then the kids go to be with the other parent for a couple of days. Next, the kids go to the first parent for the 3-day weekend to round out the 7-day week. Then, the routine begins again, flipping the days of the week. This allows parents and kids to spend time together on all the days of the week. So nobody misses Monday soccer practices or ballet classes every week. But it can be challenging to keep track of all the custody exchange days for both kids and parents. A shared family calendar app makes a big difference with an arrangement like this, supporting conflict-free co-parenting.

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines are also 50/50 schedules with more frequent custody exchange days. But unlike a 2-2-3 routine, parents and children spend the same days together every week. So, a 2-2-5-5 routine has the child with one parent Monday and Tuesday, the other parent Wednesday and Thursday. The child either goes back with the first parent for 5 days from Friday to Tuesday or stays with the other parent from Wednesday to Sunday to round out the week.

3-3-4-4 family routines create consistency for children because they are with the same parent on the same days of the week. So, children stay in the same house Monday through Thursday while the weekends are the only variables.

Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Parenting time is not always divided evenly. The children live with one parent most of the time, while the other parent visits during the day with some overnights. Every other weekend, with a mid-week visit, is a very common custody exchange schedule. This is often on top of a schedule for alternating holidays.

What are the Best Co-parenting Schedules for Conflict-Free Co-parenting?

Every family is different, so the needs of the children and the lifestyles of each parent combine to create a unique situation. Also, the best co-parenting schedules for preschoolers are likely different from school-aged children and teens. Parents have jobs and other life events that have to be considered, too. 

In Summary

Chances are what co-parenting schedules work best for your family will shift over time. What’s most important is that you and your ex communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings (and conflict.) The 2houses shared family calendar app is specifically designed for you to work together to benefit the children.

Advice for Conflict-Free Co-Parenting

Conflict-Free Co-Parenting

Parenting was not all that conflict-free before your divorce. But now, with your emotions on the ragged edge, it can be even harder to keep it together, even for the kids. If you know someone who had one of those easy “we both signed the paper and now we’re divorced” divorces, you may have unrealistic expectations for how easy it is to co-parent with your ex. It’s hard. Sometimes it is outrageously hard.

Likely, the issues are much the same as when you were married. Well, you do divorce the same person you were married to, so of course, it’s the same. But it’s different. There’s no more sacrificing and working on your relationship. Now it is ALL about the kids. ALL. Absolutely ALL about the kids.

There’s volumes written about conflict-free co-parenting, and you should probably read them all (in all that free time you have now! Lol) But there are really just a few basics that matter the most.

  1. Communications
  2. Recordkeeping
  3. Involvement

1.     Communications

Who are we kidding? If your communications with your ex were stellar, you’d still be married. So, this is a huge hurdle for most divorced couples. It’s critical to find a way to keep the lines of communication open about all the kids’ events to keep both of you involved. This is especially true with several children. Homework. Extracurricular activities. Playdates. Birthday parties. It is so easy to forget something and end up not communicating the details to both parents.

Check out our blog on 4 Tips for Keeping Good Communication HERE

That’s where 2houses helps. The shared family calendar app keeps track of all communications and events in one easy-to-access place. So, confirm long weekend plans, ask for signed dental insurance forms, or send soccer practice info – all through the 2houses shared family calendar app.

2.     Recordkeeping

One area that frequently crops up as a potential for conflict is recordkeeping. Many organizations have gone digital, so you may only need a few paper originals. The issue is making sure both parents always have access to all the documents. You’ll probably encounter the need for:

  • School and teacher contact information
  • School lunch programs
  • Clothing and shoe sizes
  • Medical bills
  • Reimbursement requests with expense records
  • Permissions slips
  • Insurance information
  • Vaccination records
  • Gift wish lists
  • Phone and address book for your child’s friends  
  • And other info specific to your child and your family

The 2houses co-parenting family calendar app uses an information bank, so you can upload anything for both parents to access anytime. Organize documents by child or category as a personalized, instant online filing system. No more scrambling or negative conversations with your ex. Just check the app for all of the details you both need.

3.     Involvement

It is critical that both parents stay involved in the children’s lives. Once you live in separate households, things change. The latest tech makes it easy to say goodnight by video chat, and a shared family calendar app lets you schedule both parents into activities.

Learn more about Keeping in Touch With Your Child When They are Not Home HERE.

Creating a parenting schedule that both of you can access makes it easier for both parents to attend functions without potential conflict in a discussion. Children can also access the 2houses family calendar, controlled by the parent account. So they can contact both parents without having access to private communications between their parents.

Plus, the photo album lets the children or the other parent upload pictures, so they can still attend virtually if the other parent has to miss the event. This is perfect for birthdays, school functions, vacations and selfies the kids take!

In Conclusion

Conflict-free co-parenting takes work. And the kids are worth the effort! But keep in mind the three most critical factors, communications, recordkeeping, and involvement. Use every tool at your disposal to maintain these, and your co-parenting becomes less stressful for everyone.

Start your FREE 14-Day trial with the 2houses shared family calendar app now, and then see how it can help keep your co-parenting conflict-free.

Co-parents: Let’s Talk Self-Esteem – Tips To Empower Your Teen

Co-parents: Let’s Talk Self-Esteem

When your child is coming of age it can be challenging for all parties involved. From bodily changes, relationships, newfound independence, and everything in between, it can be confusing and overwhelming. On top of that, it can especially seem awkward to navigate it all with your co-parent. If you are not careful some of your teenager’s needs can be lost in the shuffle and the last thing you want to overlook is self-esteem. It can be easy to brush it aside at first, and you can tell yourself it’s just a teenage thing that everyone goes through. However, it is critical that both you and your co-parent are able to be a champion of your teen’s confidence and don’t neglect any signs of low self-esteem. Make no mistake, now is the time to work together to understand the importance of self-esteem. Continue reading to discover key areas to focus your attention on to best empower your young adult.

Take Note of Your Teen’s Behavior

Whatever you do, don’t brush things off. It can be hard to make time to pay attention to the details when you have your own career, responsibilities, and concerns, on top of co-parenting. However, it’s important for co-parents to be aware of their teen’s feelings, and behaviors across both households. Co-parents must be especially vigilant because you are not with your teen every day and on the surface, it may seem that your teen is giving off mixed messages. However, it is important to pay special attention to any changes in moods, and habits. Take notes surrounding your teen’s health and wellness. Be aware of what makes your teen happy, feel inspired, and empowered. Remember to congratulate your teen when they feel good about a recent win in their life. Help celebrate their accomplishments by sharing them through your co-parenting journal, whether it be a photo from being inducted into the honor society or a video of scoring that winning goal. This way neither of you will miss a moment and you can both offer your praise and encouragement. On the flip side, acknowledge and pay attention to when your teen is feeling down. Do you notice your teen seems to be set off by certain triggers, or a lack of confidence due to pressure from a certain situation? Encourage your co-parent to do the same. Feel free to compare notes, and go over your observations through secure messaging.

It’s important that co-parents are able to recognize their teen’s unique needs so you both can lift up and boost your teen’s self-confidence. One issue co-parents could run into is overlooking behaviors between households. Therefore, strive to recognize these things upfront so that they don’t go unnoticed. For example, if you notice that your teen feels pressure from school or is overwhelmed by too many extracurricular activities, try to help minimize these pressures across households. If you know that a certain activity makes your teen feel confident then try to promote, encourage, and foster your teen’s interest. Encourage your teen to be open with managing and sharing emotions, whether it be through journaling, or just talking. When both teens and co-parents have strategies in place it can truly be game-changing. Just remember, it all starts with paying attention, intervening, and creating that consistency early on, and not putting anything off.

Be There to Support With Health Changes

The bodily changes your teen goes through can have a direct impact on self-esteem. Teens may feel uncomfortable all of a sudden noticing things are different than before hitting puberty. Your teen may not like a growth spurt and being taller than their friends, sweating more, or dreaded acne breakouts. All of these things can be too much to bear at once and can leave your teen feeling unhappy. Encourage your teen to confide in health care professionals and talk to them about what they are feeling and experiencing. However, health checkups can become confusing across households. Therefore before your teen attends an appointment it is important that both you and your co-parent are aware of and up to date on all your teen’s latest health needs. Ensure that both you and your co-parent have access to the same vital health information so you can best support your teen with healthcare concerns. Rely on your co-parenting apps information bank to easily have access to common health stats and documents. This way there will be no confusion and you can help your teen to stay on top of their health and wellness and guide them with appointments.

A telehealth consult may be a great way for you, your co-parent, and your teen to be able to be on the same page. For example, if your teen may be feeling uncomfortable about acne, then speaking with a dermatologist to find a prescription teen acne treatment can help them gain independence and take charge of their health concerns. Having the ability to talk online with a healthcare professional will ensure your teen has access to the same health resources across both homes. Not only will co-parents be empowered, but your teen as well, by knowing how to communicate with trusted professionals and start to be their own best health advocate. Build upon this, and strive to help your teen by creating a home that inspires healthy habits on a daily basis. Helping your teen stick to a healthy routine by taking care of their personal hygiene, going to bed at a good time, or even something like keeping their room picked up can help them feel better by reducing clutter and chaos. Even small changes in your teen’s environment can greatly improve your teen’s mental health.

Foster Healthy Online and Offline Relationships

At some point or another social media is sure to have an impact on your teen’s self-esteem. Today’s teens are digital natives, and a good majority of their free time and social life is spent online. However, the hours spent scrolling through TikTok, and Instagram may cause a direct blow to your teen’s self-esteem. From filters, Photoshop, to glorifying images, your teen may start to compare their own lives and self-worth to those online, whether friends or influencers. All these unrealistic images can cause your teen to question how they look and fit in. Teens can also be vulnerable to cyberbullying online on social media. Therefore, it is critical that co-parents are aware of online activity and are also striving to reinforce healthy relationships and social activities. This can be hard to do between households and takes an effort from both parents to be there for support. This is not to say that you should prevent your teen from using social media, but it may be a good idea to use a social media monitoring app to check in on your teen’s online health.

All in all, it is best that co-parents strive to limit your teen’s temptation of spending time scrolling, by rather getting out of the house and participating in fun events, getting active, and spending time with friends in person. This helps teens to build authentic healthy relationships rather than be consumed by social media. You can ensure a healthy mix of activities is built into your teen’s day by using your co-parenting calendar to plan some fun activities. Encourage your teen to check out events going on in the area that they can also invite their friends to, volunteer, or even join a teen-friendly gym. Activities like volunteering can help your teen improve their communication and leadership skills. Encourage your teen with every chance and opportunity you have that will allow them to gain more confidence and independence and learn vital life skills.

In order to empower your young adult and boost self-esteem when co-parenting, you must be proactive. Stay on top of all the little details along the way. Although it may seem challenging and uncomfortable at first, there are plenty of ways to find common ground with your co-parent to help your teen thrive. Be open and communicate regularly, and be there for your teen to lean on. Remember that you are not alone, there are plenty of great co-parenting tools, resources, and even networks that you can rely on if you are looking for advice or better strategies for co-parenting your teen. Co-parenting is a constantly evolving process, and every day you will find new best practices for fostering your teen’s self-esteem between two homes. Just remember, by being open and supportive you will be able to strike the right balance. Reinforcing healthy practices, being open, and communicative is the best way to provide your teen with a strong confident base to work from.

7 Tips to Help a Child with ADHD Cope with Their Parents Divorce

Help a Child with ADHD Cope with Their Parents Divorce

Divorce is a complex emotional process that is difficult for all parties involved. Сhildren whose parents are divorcing experience depression, irritation, and anger. Some of the children may even blame themselves for the parent’s separation. However, things can get worse when it comes to kids with ADHD.

Facts About ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or attention deficit disorder (ADD) is one of the most common behavioral disorders. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and may persist into adulthood.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2016, 6.1 million children of all ages (9.4%) in the United States had ADHD. Symptoms should be present for more than six months for a diagnosis.

Children with ADHD may be hyperactive and have problems controlling impulsive behavior and concentrating. Some children and adults with ADHD may also have difficulty regulating their emotions.

ADHD in children can deteriorate school performance and relationships with peers and adults. ADHD is a disease that requires treatment, including medication.

What to Expect

Divorce of parents is a challenging test for any child. However, for children with ADHD, the situation turns into a tragedy. It is challenging for them to fully understand the nature of their emotions and cope with impulses.

Support for children with ADHD going through a divorce involves parents’ understanding and accepting the problem. A parent is a reliable support system for a child.

Psychologists identify three main issues that adults and children face:

  • Trouble managing emotions. The news of a parents’ divorce can be a real emotional shock for a child. Children with ADHD may find it challenging to deal with anger, sadness, and anxiety during and after divorce. Often this leads to tantrums and possible physical beatings.
  • Hyper focusing. Although one of the symptoms of ADHD is impaired concentration, it manifests as the opposite symptom in some cases. Children with ADHD may dwell on negative aspects, such as divorce, and do not let the situation go for a long time. It can lead to depression, low self-esteem, and blame for the parents’ breakup.
  • Trouble with flexible thinking. It is hard for children with ADHD to quickly adapt to new changes and adjust their perception of the situation. As a result, it leads to a long-term denial of the parental separation and the rejection of the new rules or new parents’ partners.

You can not protect the child from all the negative consequences. However, understanding the nature and reasons of their reactions to certain factors can help your kids get through difficulties faster and more smoothly.

Strategies to Help a Child Deal with Divorce

The tips below will help parents organize their child care and focus on specific factors that require attention.

1. Work Together with the Co-Parent

Dealing with divorce and children can be difficult for parents because so many things need their attention. However, when raising a child with ADHD, it is vital to adhere to a single system to avoid confusing them.

Children with ADHD quickly lose concentration. Because of this, it is difficult for them to immediately understand complex things, such as the causes and consequences of divorce. As a result, their reaction to unclear explanations or criticism of the other parent can turn into hysteria and ruthlessness. After all, they simply do not know how to respond to family changes.

Parents need to agree on what they will say to their child regarding divorce and further action. At this point, spouses should show the children that they are not the reason for their parent’s separation.

Co-parents’ teamwork can help the child feel less out of control.

2. Keep an Open Dialogue

Many parents mistakenly believe that to help their children cope with their separation, they need to pretend that everything is fine and nothing happened. However, children quickly notice the slightest change in their parents’ attitudes and react to it. For example, frequent whims, poor school performance, protests against meals or walks, and so on.

In this way, children with ADHD try to attract their parents’ attention and become the force that unites them again. It’s like the saying goes: “Nothing brings you together like a common enemy.” The principle is the same.

Parents should talk openly about divorce with their children. However, depending on the child’s age, they need to choose the appropriate tone. The child may not be ready to discuss everything at once. Give them time to think. And then return to the conversation later.

3. Tell Your Child What to Expect

This paragraph is similar to the previous one. However, here we focus on preparing a child with ADHD for the coming changes in home life.

Parents should talk to their children and explain how their lives will change with a divorce. Try to calm the child and assure them that there will be no global changes. Parents, as before, will both be present in the child’s life. To do this, give specific examples like: “Now dad will take you to his place every weekend,” or “Now you will have two houses.”

Parents should not overload the child with information at once, do it gradually. You can also use supportive tools. For example, by reading children’s books about divorce, you can clearly explain why parents can no longer be together.

Popular books now are:

  • Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown

The dinosaur family explores why parents can get divorced and what happens after a divorce. In the book, you will find answers to common questions that a child may have. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky

After the divorce of Koko’s bear parents, the protagonist experiences a range of emotions such as guilt, anger, and sadness. On every page, you can find tips on how to help your child identify and express feelings. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • Two Homes by Claire Masurel

The book tells about Alex, who lives with his mother and father in different houses. He has two beds, two armchairs, and two favorite groups of friends. With this book, you can help your child understand that they are loved by both parents, no matter where or with whom they live. It is designed for children from 3 to 7 years old.

  • Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids by Isolina Ricci

A qualified family therapist wrote this book to help teens deal with conflicting home rules and schedules. The story will help children stay neutral when their parents disagree and deal with guilt, stress, and other emotions. In addition, the book includes easy-to-use and straightforward worksheets. It is designed for children 10 years and older.

  • My Family’s Changing by Pat Thomas

This picture book talks about the concept of divorce. It also contains questions parents can ask their children to help them sort out their feelings. It is designed for children 4 years and older.

  • Divorce Is Not the End of the World by Zoe and Evan Stern

This book is remarkable because it was written by teenagers (with the support of their mother) who coped with their parents’ divorce. The book considers managing emotions, adapting to stepparents, adjusting to rules and schedules in different houses, etc. It is designed for children 8 years and older.

4. Keep Rules

Helping kids go through a divorce, parents can ease up on their day-to-day rules. However, during this period, children with ADHD need parental control. Parents should stick to the usual system so that children do not feel lost and out of control. Even something as small as changing kids’ bedtime can affect your child’s behavior.

5. Protect Rituals and Schedules

Divorce will make adjustments to family life. However, parents that have kids with ADHD should maintain their child’s daily routines. In this case, we are not talking about rules, but about actions such as doing sports, taking medicine, playing a musical instrument, etc.

Some divorced parents may disagree on ADHD medication and refuse to support their child’s treatment. Therefore, in joint custody, parents should agree on the need for treatment, the schedule, and the dose of ADHD medication. After all, their child’s health and further standing in society depend on this.

6. Don’t Ignore Unacceptable Behavior

Everything should have a limit. Parents should understand the emotions and feelings of the child. However, this does not mean kids should be allowed to do what they want without punishment. For example, a child with ADHD may be angry or sad because of their parents’ separation, but don’t let violence or tantrums become the norm.

Parents should talk to their children about healthy ways to express their emotions. They can also get a family psychologist consultation or attend specialized courses to help children of divorce. In addition, parents can turn to medication treatment.

7. Be Mindful About Dating

When parents have a new partner, this can turn into two scenarios. First, children with ADHD may have a negative attitude towards a new beloved and consider this as a parent’s betrayal. It can lead to alienation between the child and the parent.

The second option is entirely the opposite. Children with ADHD can become very attached to a parent’s new partner very quickly, trying to fill the gap of a broken family. And in the end, if you break up with a new partner, it can be a tragedy for the child and drive them into depression.

Parents should refrain from introducing their children to new lovers if they are unsure about the relationship. 

Final Words

Parents should not be afraid of ADHD in children. Your kids may overreact to the changes, but with the right approach, you can help your daughter or son get through a divorce. The key is understanding and communication.

BIO

Anna Khmara is a certified life transformation and relationship coach with an in-depth study of transactional analysis and positive psychology. She helps clients understand the essence of the problem, establish healthy relationships, build self-esteem, manifest their dreams into reality, and find harmony.

Anna has published up-to-date guides to changing life scenarios, offering valuable advice on coping with trauma, surviving divorce, setting life goals, and implementing an effective plan to achieve them.

How hiring a child support lawyer is beneficial for divorce parents?

child custody lawyer

Assuming you are isolated or making arrangements for a separation, you want to see a kid authority attorney. When documenting a separation case in court you need to conclude who will be taking the care of your youngster. While addressing yourself in the court employing the administrations of a youngster care legal counselor is consistently a decent choice without a doubt. There are circumstances when assurance and coarseness are sufficiently not and you want appropriate lawful portrayal for getting the care of your kid. This is the place where you will need the help and support of Child Custody Lawyers Melbourne. There are different legitimate cases for conspiracy, crime or for any youngster provocation case that both party perpetrates. Along these lines, under the kid guardianship locale, a legal advisor likewise needs to go for cases that think about the criminal records of a singular parent.

If you are facing a problem in collecting the monthly payment from employees or there are custody related issues, then your and your child’s rights are being challenged. In such situations, to protect your rights and for your and your child’s health and happiness, you might have to fight a legal battle. As you are not a legal expert, you need one; thus, you should reach out to child support lawyers.

Why Should You Get A Child Custody Lawyer?

If a couple is going through a separation, and they have youngsters the issue of kid raising expects significance.

Authority of the kid is fundamental for most guardians. Prior, the court used to lean toward moms in kid authority cases.

In any case, the situation has changed with the kid care law turning out to be more unbiased as moms are likewise a functioning guardian.

Presently, the court considers the youngster’s wellbeing prior to surrendering the guardianship to any parent. It isn’t not difficult to decide how you can win the instance of youngster care because of the intricacies of kid authority law.

The kid care legal counsellor has the legitimate preparation to deal with such complex matters easily consequently simplifying the entire cycle. Regardless of whether you need to turn into a custodial parent or non-custodial parent, looking for the assistance of expert, for this situation, will decrease your concerns.

These lawyers can help you in many things that are discussed below in this article.  

Child custody: Child custody is one of the main reasons that takes the parents to family court if they are getting separated. To understand why you need child support lawyers, you should first understand the types of custody.

Type of custody: There are two types of custody physical or legal. Kindly note, if you have legal custody of your child, you can make crucial decisions in their life. These include decisions like which school the child will attend, health-related decisions, and more. Let’s take each custody separately to understand in a better way.

Legal custody: Legal custody can be either sole or joint. In sole custody, one parent is the only decision-maker. While in joint custody, one of the parents is responsible for most of the decisions as well as is the main caregiver. The other parent is just the participant in these decisions. At times, if one parent becomes the tiebreaker due to the disagreement and reaches out to child support lawyers. You can apply for sole custody if you don’t agree to these matters, and if your points are right, the judge may alot you sole custody of your child. But to prove your point, you would require the help of child support lawyers. You can make a claim of sole custody if your spouse is abusive, neglectful, have no time to participate in your child’s everyday life, and if he is careless. 

Physical custody: Either single parent or both parents can get physical custody. In case of physical custody, they live with you regularly. If you want physical custody, you may have to prove in court that if the child is living with your spouse, it can be harmful to them. For example, you can stop them from relocating by proving that relocation may harm your child’s future.  

So, be it legal or physical custody, if you want to stay with your child, you need lawyers’ assistance.

To speed up the case: If you are trying to fight the custody battle on your own, there are chances that you may delay the case as you don’t have sufficient knowledge. But it is not the same in the case of child support lawyers. They can help in speeding up the case and resolve it in much lesser time than you think.

Knowledge: Be it any field, you need experts because of their knowledge and expertise. As an individual, you are not someone who is familiar with the complexities of laws related to the family. Hence, if you hire skilled child support lawyers or custody attorneys, you can sit and relax as they know what questions can be raised in the court and how to counter them. They will ensure that they don’t make any legal mistakes that can weaken your case and the final verdict is in your favour.

When Do You Need A Child Custody Lawyer?

It’s critical to know when to employ a youngster care legal counsellor.

In the event that the two guardians can’t reach an unmistakable resolution with respect to the emotionally supportive network and address of the kid post-separate, then, at that point, the requirement for a legal advisor emerges.

A youngster guardianship legal advisor is required when your ex is working with one as of now as you would rather not lose authority of your children.

In the event that your case turns up convoluted due to a changed psyche or whatever other revelation, how will you treat such a vital time? Go for a legal advisor.

On the off chance that your accomplice is residing in an alternate state or country, you should employ a legal counsellor as he/she can assist you with the laws of the two spots and furthermore offer the right guidance.

In the event that you think your kids are in peril with your accomplice, you ought to get the assistance of a legal advisor to get authority as quickly as time permits.

In occurrences where your ex disallows you to meet the kid or kids, you’ll require a legal counselor.

Assuming the court has encouraged you to take outrage the board classes, liquor treatment, social treatment or nurturing classes, then, at that point, you’ll require a kid care attorney in the court to address you.

Assuming your ex is moving, or remarrying may create problems to your children, then, at that point, you should recruit an attorney.

Court thinks about different variables prior to choosing to surrender a youngster or the kids. A portion of these is the youngster’s physical and enthusiastic wellbeing, the connection between the kid and parent.

The steadiness of your work and home climate or any sort of proof against you connected with youngster misuse additionally assumes a critical part. Thus, to substantiate yourself commendable under the steady gaze of the court for dealing with your kid you will require the help of the kid care attorney.

Frequently, guardianship can possibly influence the satisfaction and advancement of your kids and, sometimes, even their wellbeing. Discover how you can secure your youngsters during a guardianship debate.

Consequently, these elements must be remembered while in the event that you want the youngster support attorney or not and how he can be useful to you. It is better 100% of the time to take the assistance of the attorney when you are confronting the pressure of your kid authority to guarantee that you can get your kid back. These are some of the main reasons that can help in making your life easy if you hire child support lawyers. Hiring them will keep your mental peace intact and the chances of winning the case will also become higher. 

Feelings, Relationships, and Pregnancy: Dealing with Breakup While Pregnant

A Breakup When You’re Pregnant

Overcoming a breakup is challenging no matter what the circumstances are. But when you’re pregnant things become a whole lot more complicated. However, that does not mean they are impossible to manage. Even though it might feel like the world is crumbling before your eyes, this shift in trajectory might be what is best for you and your child in the long run.

Women have been birthing and raising children since the dawn of time. And many of them have triumphantly done so without the support of a biological father.

That said, it’s important to remember that whatever your emotional response to this is, it’s okay.

Managing a breakup while pregnant is a tough challenge to accept. But you can emerge from this situation stronger, happier, and more yourself than ever before.


Feeling Overwhelmed Is Natural

If you’ve found yourself in this position, chances are you are feeling overwhelmed and possibly even scared. Both of these reactions are completely understandable and natural.

Before the breakup, you probably had an expectation about how your pregnancy experience would be. Now, those expectations have not come to fruition, and co-parenting and custody are an unexpected part of your future. Dashed expectations are always difficult to handle, especially if there is a long-term emotional investment involved.

Being pregnant is probably one of the most emotionally turbulent experiences a human can have. So, it’s important to maintain a sense of compassion for how you’re naturally responding to the situation.


An Opportunity To Revisit Your Relationship With Yourself

Even though it probably doesn’t feel like it, this change in plans could give rise to a renewed sense of intimacy and understanding of yourself. 

Many women report gaining mental and emotional clarity when pregnant, saying it allows them to see the world in ways that maybe they were afraid of before. Being away from your partner can give you the opportunity to reconnect with parts of yourself that you’ve forgotten, or suppressed.

This time could represent a moment of clarity for you to look inward and process your position in life without the distraction (and in some cases, the suffocation) of a serious relationship.

Now is the time to embrace all aspects of who you are—your past, your present, and your future, in whatever ways it may unfold.

There’s no point in pretending that dealing with a breakup while pregnant is easy. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be a catalyst for other changes in your life that you may have been putting off for a while.

Ways To Cope

While holding space for the emotional and mental responses that are currently going on inside of you, it’s also important to focus on practical solutions.

Having a game plan for dealing and coping with the pregnancy will add structure to your life. Plus, it will enable you to tackle each challenge with more confidence.

Seeking guidance from others, reaching out for support, and finding constructive ways to cope with stress or anxiety are going to be your primary objectives over the next few months.

With the right approach, you and every other woman in this position can break through the inevitable struggles. You can create a life for you and your baby that is even better than you could have imagined alongside your ex.

Give yourself time to grieve

Grief is a normal response to any breakup, especially in your adult life. You’ve probably spent years investing time and energy into your past relationship. Now that it has come to an end, you are grieving all that was lost.

Grief can manifest in a variety of ways, and it is usually different for each person. Your experience with grief will not necessarily be the same as anyone else’s. You need to give yourself room to meet those feelings, no matter what they look like.

Crying, laughing, sleeping, or baking (yes, stress-baking is not an uncommon occurrence) are just some of the things you might feel compelled to do while processing grief.

Allow yourself the time and space necessary to process your grief in whatever ways feel natural. Freely and unapologetically holding space for your grief is the most effective way to process it.

Choose not to dwell on the past

When life hits you out of nowhere, it can be easy to want to relive the past. However, romanticizing and fixating on the past can prevent us from being fully present. With a new child on the way, being present is critical for their support.

In order to effectively manage your situation, you will need to show up for yourself and your future child in ways that can initially feel scary and daunting.

Looking at photographs of you and your ex, going through their old belongings—these are both things that feel tempting and comforting at the time. But often, they only result in more pain. Try to be strong in those moments and resist the urge to dwell on the past.

Lean on friends and family for support

This is not the time to feel shy about asking for help and support. Friends, family, neighbors, and loved ones of all kinds want to be there for you. Don’t be afraid to lean on them for support when things get tough, or even when you just need someone to talk to.

Anyone in your life who knows you and loves you almost certainly wants to help you get through this. You don’t need to feel guilty about needing support. It’s completely reasonable for you to lean on others during this time of confusion.

If somebody you trust offers to help you (whether it is financially, emotionally, domestically or otherwise), have the courage to take them up on that offer. You deserve to feel supported. Don’t be shy to speak up and vocalize your needs to those who care.

Try to make peace with your situation

There’s no point in fighting the reality of your situation. Even though it might take some time, and that is completely acceptable, making peace with how things have unfolded is the best way to take back charge over your life.

Making peace with your situation is not something that will happen overnight. It will probably come alongside a lifelong journey of self-acceptance.

You might be feeling angry, hurt, and ready to blame your ex for every hardship you are experiencing. However, those feelings can become destructive when left unchecked.

Where possible, try to make amends with your ex. If that’s not an option, aim to make amends with yourself.

The breakup has already happened, now you get to choose how you respond to your newfound independence. Will it be with peace and acceptance or anger and regret? Guess which one will be easier in the long run.

Find constructive ways to manage your stress levels

Everyone needs to know what their stress triggers are and how to manage their responses. In your position, it’s only natural to anticipate some stress and anxiety from time to time.

Rather than allowing this notion to send your head spinning, focus instead on constructive methods of stress management that you know you can rely on in times of distress. Having a plan of action for when things feel overwhelming will make you feel stronger and more prepared for life.

A walk in nature, calming breathing exercises, or watching your favorite movie with a friend can all help to reduce your stress levels. Make sure you have a list of feel-good activities prepped and ready to go when you need some comfort and grounding.

Focus on supporting your baby and your body

The perfect place to funnel your attention is sitting right under your nose—in your womb, to be exact. The admin involved in a serious breakup may be distracting. But the best place to invest your time and energy right now is directly towards your baby and the body that grows them.

Now is the time to pour all of your love, attention, and energy into the health and wellbeing of both your own body and state of mind, and that of your unborn child.

Focusing on keeping your body strong, happy, and nourished will mean that, in turn, your baby’s body is strong, happy, and nourished. Shower yourself and your baby in love through the forms of good food, gentle exercise, community bonding, and preparation for birth.

Remember that you are not alone

Even though it might feel at times like this is the worst thing that could have happened, it can be soothing to remember that this is an experience you share with millions of other women throughout the ages.

Remember that you are not alone. Not just in the sense that there are people around you who love and care for you. But also in the sense that you are certainly not the first woman to go through this process— and come out the other end happier and more fulfilled than ever before.

Yes, this is a huge change of direction for your life and your child’s life. But at the end of the day, you get to decide how this experience will unfold. You are going to get through this!

Introducing Kids to Their New Second Home After Divorce

New Second Home After Divorce

One of the main aspects of divorce that affects children is the fact that their parents are now going to live at different addresses and that their current home isn’t their only home any more. For them to fully accept their second home, both parents have to make an effort and make the transition smoother. Here are some ways to introduce your kids to their new second home without making it stressful for them.

Talk to Them

Children are more sensitive than adults and, when something as big as a divorce happens, you can expect them to have a lot of questions. However, it won’t always be easy for them to ask you those questions directly. They might be confused by everything going on, or they might be worried about upsetting you with what they need to know, so it’s possible that they’ll simply stay quiet if you don’t initiate the conversation. In any case, both you and your spouse should find time each day to talk to them, address their emotions and explain all that you can about the divorce and how you expect things to be in the future. This, of course, includes the new living arrangements. When you walk children through each step of the move, and especially if you include them in the decision-making, they’ll find the process less intimidating and consequently less stressful. For instance, if your children are old enough, you could ask for their input about where they’d like to live or at least how they want their room to be furnished. This allows you to bond with them and show them that their parents still adore them as much as they always have. Plus, knowing that they can turn to either of you for any problem or question they have will bring them some relief and reassurance, but it could also diminish their resistance to the imminent change.

Put Them First

Although parents love their children, want what’s best for them and generally put their children’s needs above their own, it’s sometimes extremely difficult to stay level-headed in certain situations, divorce being one of them. This is something you have to be very conscious about, and remember to avoid saying anything bad or to show any resentment or anger aimed at your spouse in front of them. Another crucial matter is that the new home should be adjusted to your children’s needs. This means that they have their own room, that the home itself and the neighborhood it’s in are safe and appealing and that the place has everything your child needs to feel comfortable. These home standards are also something that the courts tend to ask the parties in the divorce to abide to, which may vary from state to state. For instance, courts in Texas usually give parents joint management conservatorship, meaning that both parents have an equal say in the children’s upbringing, which means both homes are of equal significance for child rearing. However, their courts also have certain requirements about the new home, with regards to children’s safety and comfort. That’s why Texans usually don’t stray too far from their previous communities, but instead seek first-rate apartments for rent in Brownsville, that fall into all the safety categories courts might find fundamental. With their children’s best interest in mind, these parents opt for apartments with top amenities, where dogs and cats are allowed, as children feel more pleasant with their pet around.

Adjust the Place to Them

Last, but not least, always bear in mind that this is supposed to be your children’s home and that it should cater to their needs, but also their emotions and character. Let them pick the furniture and any decorations for their room. Perhaps you can even make the place more familiar for them by filling it with some of their favorite belongings. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should take all of those belongings from what they call home right now, as that might upset your children. Instead, make a list of some of their most treasured items and purchase the exact same ones to bring into the new home. Another option is to pack such objects when your children are switching between homes. This could provide your children with some comfort and ease some of their potential anxiety about the new home and the divorce itself. A home should be a joyous place for them, which can only be possible if the place is adapted to their preferences.

Keep It Tidy

A cluttered space can make you edgy, break your focus and decrease your productivity. This is why, if you want to function well in any space, you have to keep it tidy and get rid of any excess objects. As an adult, this is something you deal with daily, but when you have children, it’s vital that you take into account their well-being and put it first. Namely, children are also affected by clutter. It can make it difficult for them to process their thoughts and emotions, but it might also leave them frustrated, if they aren’t able to do their work or play in a manner they are used to. This can also prevent them from dealing with the divorce and having to live between two homes. In addition, when you’re trying to get them to like their new living space, making it cozy and appealing can only help your case. Start with limiting the number of decorative elements, toys and other belongings you fill your new home with. If there are too many things in a space that may not be as big as your previous family home, it can become crowded and messy soon, which your children may find unappealing and they might resist you when you want them to spend their time there. Make it your mission to clean and declutter the new home regularly, so that you create a calming and loving environment they’ll want to live in and that they’ll always gladly come back to, as that’s how a home should feel like for them.

Divorces are emotionally consuming and traumatic for adults, let alone for children. This is something every parent going through a divorce has in mind. It’s no wonder then that your focus is precisely on how to make the inevitable change as easy as possible on your children. Your attitude towards your partner and the cooperation between you is something you need to work hard on, as only that way your children will feel welcome, secure and equally loved in both their homes.