Posted on

Summer Holidays: Managing Conflicting Days Off

Summer holidays and joint custody - 2ouses

Holidays can be tricky for parents with joint custody. After all, many companies do not let you take vacations whenever you want! If you’re struggling to figure out what to do with your children during your holiday (but not theirs), this article is for you.

The Old Standby: The Visitation Schedule

Your custodian agreement likely has a clearly delineated visitation schedule. That said, it’s rare to see a custodial agreement that doesn’t include flexibility for trades, swaps, or other scheduling changes. If you’re struggling to figure out how to handle having your holiday when the kids are still in school, this is the first move.

summer holidays
Mom and son

The more you communicate with your former partner about your desire to spend time with the kids, the better. Be open to swapping weekends or even entire holiday seasons if that’s what it takes. For example, if you’re forced to take your vacation the month before the summer holidays begin, ask to swap possession during those few weeks. If your former partner is proving reticent, consider sweetening the pot: throw in some extended weekend visits.

The goal here is to work within the confines of the existing joint custody agreement to produce the best result for everyone. The more you can achieve with talking, the better.

Bring the Kids Along (Virtually)

If your children aren’t home (and you are taking your holidays), use your free time! For example, consider asking your former partner if it’s possible to do regular video calls with the kids. If physical possession is out of the question, bring the kids along in a virtual sense.

camera and holidays
A vintage camera with vintage photos

Nearly everyone has some combination of smartphone, laptop, or tablet computer. It’s easy as pie to video call the kids daily while you’re off surfing in Hawaii or exploring the streets of Europe. If the time zones don’t line up, or if the kids are busy, record short videos of your vacation adventures. The kids can watch them when they have the time and you’ll remain a constant presence in their life.

Consider Offering Your Own Time

Parenting is the busiest profession in the world, bar none. Taking the kids from soccer practice to band practice to chess club takes time that your former partner may not have. If you’d prefer to spend some of your summer holidays with your kids, offer to make your former partner’s life a bit easier.

Holidays as mono parent
Dad and his daughter at the sea.

Of course, this depends entirely on your joint custody agreement. Your current relationship with your ex certainly comes into play as well. That said, an amicable offer goes a long way: offering to take the kids to soccer practice (followed by ice cream) might give your former spouse a few precious hours they desperately need.

Talk Early, Talk Often

It’s a sad reality that joint custody parenting often focuses more on managing your relationship with your former partner than anything else. The more you talk, the better the outcome for those pesky holiday schedules. Take the time to work out a clear summer holiday schedule as far in advance as possible. The sooner you know there will be a scheduling conflict during your holiday, the better!

Managing Summer Holidays

It’s not fun to find out that you’re forced to take vacation days away from your children. If it happens, take the time to communicate your desires to the other parent and see if an agreement can be reached. If there’s no way to change the vacation schedule, see if it’s possible to volunteer some time here and there. And, of course, phone calls, video chats, and short video clips never go amiss.

It’s not an ideal situation, but use these tips and make the best of it!

Posted on

The Difference Between Authoritative Parenting and Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritative parenting

Authoritative and authoritarian parenting might sound like the same thing. In truth, they are quite different. They involve different approaches to behavior and vary in their level of success.

How do these parenting strategies differ? How do they affect your child’s development? Which one is better and how can you implement it into your household? 

Read on to find out everything you need to know about authoritarian and authoritative parenting. 

What Is Authoritarian Parenting?

Authoritarian parenting tends to follow an older school of thought. Built upon the foundations of children being seen and not heard, it utilizes phrasing like, “because I said so.” 

This parenting style is characterized by a lack of positive reinforcement and encouragement. Authoritarian parenting strategies involve strict rules and high expectations. At the same time, they fail at providing children with the resources and support required to succeed. 

A child’s inability to listen or behave is quickly followed by severe consequences. In a way, the child was set up for failure, then punished for their lack of success. Shame, embarrassment, and guilt are common themes, along with a general sense of disapproval. 

What Is Authoritative Parenting?

Authoritative parenting does not shy away from high expectations. In fact, setting clear goals is a large part of authoritative parenting. It revolves around the idea of building your child up to help them succeed while maintaining reasonable boundaries.

This parenting style includes sensitivity, positive reinforcement, and transparency. It involves explaining the reasoning behind decisions and rules. It utilizes open communication and encourages discussion. 

Authoritative parents take time to listen to and acknowledge their children. They do not act dismissive or demeaning, even when the child’s views or opinions seem unfounded or “out of line.” It is not a quick-fix solution for behavioral issues and requires both patience and time. 

Key Differences Between Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

In both authoritarian and authoritative parenting, it is the parents who should be setting the limits and enforcing rules. The difference lies in how this is accomplished. 

Parental Attitude

Authoritarian parenting is unresponsive and cold in nature. Parents address emotion as a weakness and resort to punishment or criticism when their child is struggling. 

Authoritative parents, on the other hand, are warm and responsive. By approaching their children in this manner, they can foster positive attachments. This is often associated with higher levels of confidence. 

Authoritative parenting means exerting control over your own emotions to avoid conflict escalation. Rather than reprimanding children for outbursts, parents start calm and constructive discussions. Studies show that kids who grow up in a supportive environment tend to be happier and exhibit more positive behaviors. 

Rules

Authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles are similar in one way. They both have high expectations and strict rules. The difference lies in rule enforcement.  

Authoritarian parents do not allow their children to ask questions. They expect children to follow rules in compliant silence.

This attitude often causes children to be anxious and insecure. It can also lead to misunderstandings when rules are not entirely clear.  

Authoritative parenting involves a warm and nurturing approach. Parents explain rules in detail and support them with reasons. Authoritative parenting encourages children to ask questions if they don’t understand or agree.

In turn, children learn to think critically, communicate with confidence, and feel included. 

Discipline 

Authoritative parenting involves holistic consequences, such as computer restrictions or limited activity. Authoritarian parenting often resorts to demeaning or harsh punishment. Parents exert more control over their children but are less effective in their follow-through.

On the other hand, authoritative parents often set higher standards. They are more consistent when following through with discipline. They use inductive discipline, which encourages their child’s prosocial behavior and empathy. 

Communication

Parents who default to an authoritarian strategy often lose control of their emotions. They may resort to yelling, name-calling, or scolding to achieve order and control. Communication is unidirectional, with the parent doing the speaking and the child remaining silent.

Authoritative parents often set their emotions aside. They look at each situation as a learning opportunity. These parents encourage open discussion, which helps their children feel supported and included. 

Control 

Authoritarian parents try to over-control or micromanage their children. Control over behavior is often not enough. They need to have emotional control as well to feel secure in their parental role.

This parenting style is like a dictatorship in that it relies on fear. It is a one-way street. Whatever the parent says is right and should be listened to and believed without question or protest. 

This is different from authoritative parenting, where standards remain high, but children have leeway to make their own choices and mistakes. Control is not the ultimate goal. Parents focus on fostering independence and the ability to self-regulate, only offering corrections when necessary.  

Authoritarian vs. Authoritative: Effects on Children

Authoritarian parents tend to be less involved in their children’s lives. They set expectations and wait for them to be followed with obedience. This has the potential to backfire in more ways than one. 

Children raised under authoritarian parenting tend to be insecure and self-deprecating. They are prone to bullying, disruptive behaviors in school, and depression. Some find academic success, but in general, their performance is lacking. 

Children with authoritative parents often achieve higher grades and success at school. This is likely because parent involvement correlates with higher performance. 

Kids with authoritative parents also tend to have better self-esteem and mental health. They show high levels of resilience, picking themselves up with ease after a setback. These kids are better able to self-regulate and make decisions independent of their parents’ influence.  

Which Parenting Strategy Is Better? 

Many studies support authoritative parenting as the more effective parenting strategy. Children raised under an authoritarian thumb are more likely to have mental-health issues and poor peer relations. 

But if authoritarian parenting is so counterproductive, why do some parents still resort to it? 

The answer is that old habits die hard. People raised by authoritarian parents often fall into the habits they picked up from their parents.

Another reason is that authoritarian parenting feels easier. Losing your temper is simple, but maintaining control when you’re frustrated takes practice. Even parents raised in an authoritative household can struggle.

The fact of the matter is no one is perfect. We all make mistakes or lose our temper from time to time. The important thing is to recognize those mistakes when they happen.

Learn from your errors and be transparent about them with your children. Not only does this set a good example, but it encourages attachment behaviors and positive relationships.   

Tips for Authoritative Parenting

You might be new to the authoritative parenting style. Perhaps you have been practicing it for years. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, these tips will help take your strategy to the next level. 

Listen

Take time to listen to your child. Don’t ask how their day went, then start checking emails on your phone. Remain engaged.

What your child has to say may not always seem important to you. To them, it might feel like a matter of life and death. Staying connected and attentive makes them feel heard and appreciated.

Validate 

Children are not born with a complete vocabulary and understanding of their emotions. It is your job to help them recognize their feelings, name them, and understand their connection to behavior. 

Acknowledge that whatever they are experiencing is acceptable. Avoid saying things like, “stop crying,” or “don’t be a baby.” These are very invalidating statements that leave them feeling vulnerable and insecure. 

Instead, focus on the behaviors, not the feelings. Being angry is okay and normal. Hitting, kicking, and biting, however, are not acceptable.

Make sure you discuss the difference with your kids. 

Be Clear

Some rules are non-negotiable. These might be age-restricted rules, they might be educational, or perhaps they are family-wide rules. The important thing is to be clear about why these rules are in place.

“Don’t stick your finger in the light socket.”

To an adult, this is a reasonable and logical rule, but to a child, it’s like telling them they can’t open a new present. So, give them a reason. Even if they don’t understand that electrocution can kill, it will hold more weight than a generic, “because I said so.” 

Use the One-Warning System

When you are straightforward with your children, then there is no room for doubt about expectations. So, consequences should also come as no surprise.

Be careful not to leap to serious punishment, especially for minor infractions like not doing their housework on time. Instead, start with a clear warning. “If you don’t take the trash out before dinner, then you won’t get to play Minecraft with your friends later.” 

Not only have you reiterated the expectation, but you have established a tangible consequence. Now, you must follow through.

If your child fails to take the trash out, then you should not let the occasion slide. This teaches them that your words are hollow. In the future, they are less likely to listen, and you are less likely to remain calm and understanding. 

Offer Incentives

Incentives are excellent for encouraging motivation. These can be anything from a sticker for doing their chores to money put towards a family road trip fund. 

Incentives, however, are two-sided. If your child fails to hold up their end of the bargain, then you can’t give in to their crocodile tears and tantrums. On the flip side, if they do follow through, you better deliver on your end of the bargain.

Whenever you use incentives in authoritative parenting, be sure the expectations are realistic for all parties involved.  

Allow Choices and Encourage Self-Regulation 

If you decide everything for your child, they might struggle to make their own choices later in life. Even little things like, “do you want cereal or toast,” teach them to think for themselves. 

This can also be used when it comes to discipline and behavior management. Encourage your children to find ways to manage their emotions, such as going for a walk or taking deep breaths. 

Encouraging self-regulation makes your child more independent. Instead of scolding them for forgetting to do something, make a checklist or schedule to help them remember. Have them run through the list each day and reward them for their consistency. 

Focus on What You Can Do

Co-parenting with no communication, or with minimal communication, is extremely challenging. It is important to accept that you won’t always have control over what happens when your child is away.

Even when parents stay happily married, there are many times when discipline is out of your hands. When your child goes to school or over to a friend’s house, you must relinquish control. 

Don’t lose your nerve and give up on being a better authoritative parent just because your ex-spouse is uncooperative. Even having one authoritative household in their life will help improve your child’s well-being and set them up for success. 

Maintain Healthy Relationships

You are not here to be your child’s best friend. They don’t always have to like you or even listen to you. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a positive and healthy relationship with your kids. 

Being an authoritative parent is about setting a good example and following through with expectations. It involves showing love, affection, and support. By setting clear boundaries and treating your child with respect, you will help them be a more successful and happy human. 

One Day at a Time

Authoritarian parenting is all about control, dominance, and silence. It can leave children feeling inadequate, insecure, and depressed. Authoritative parenting is a better style to implement in your home. 

Children raised with an authoritative parent are more successful in school and life. Foster a good and healthy relationship with your children. Set clear boundaries, practice listening, and be supportive. 

Establishing consistent rules and parenting styles can be difficult when you are divorced. At 2houses, we help separated parents work together to enhance their children’s well-being. Click here to learn more about how 2houses can help your family. 

Posted on

A Co-Parenting Guide on What the 70/30 Custody Schedule Looks Like

70/30 custody schedule

Every separated parent worries about the best method to co-parenting. But what’s the best way to manage your joint custody schedule?

The 70/30 custody schedule is a popular method for many reasons, including the fact that it allows parents to have one main home base for their children. It also works well when one parent lives farther away.

If you’re considering your ideal co-parenting schedule, the 70/30 custody schedule might be best for you! What does it entail? Keep reading to learn more in this guide.

What Is the 70/30 Custody Schedule and Why Is It So Popular?

This child custody schedule allows a child to spend 70% of their time staying with one parent. The child then spends 30% of their time with the other parent, and both adults are able to be involved with their child’s life and time.

Since one parent will spend more time with their child, this schedule usually works best if parents live far from each other. This way, you can limit the number of transitions for your child from one person’s home to another.

This schedule might also be best if you have one parent who is busier than the other. This might be because one parent has a more demanding work life, or because they are traveling more often. The parent with the consistent home base and who has 70% of their child’s time at their home is considered the “primary” parent.

Developing the right schedule that works for your family can be a difficult process, but it doesn’t have to be a negative experience! When two parents are committed to finding a schedule that will give their child the best of a consistent and happy lifestyle, the logistics become just another detail to sort out.

How Many Overnights Can You Expect?

One important logistic for both parents and for their child is the amount of overnights they can expect with the 70/30 joint schedule.

This schedule works out to 4 overnights for the non-primary parent. This ends up being more time than the “every other weekend” schedule.

There are several common schedules that can be used to work out a 70/30 custody arrangement. However, there are several important factors to consider when choosing which schedule will work best for you and your family.

Factors to Consider When Choosing a Schedule

The first factor to discuss with your co-parent is consistency. What is the best method for making sure your child has a consistent home life? At the same time, how can both parents have a consistent schedule for their work and individual lives?

Another discussion you may want to have with your co-parent is about hand-offs and general communication. It’s so important for separated parents to be able to discuss the best methods of handing off their children for an easier and happier time.

You might also want to discuss your child’s routine. Does your co-parenting schedule fit with your child’s other life routines, like day-care or sports?

More importantly, your child will be spending time away from each parent, so it’s important to factor this into your schedule when deciding how to split up their time.

Common Schedules For Sharing Time

The 70/30 parenting schedule can be set up in several ways. There are four common methods for this schedule, including the every weekend schedule, a 5-2 alternate weekend schedule, a third week schedule, and a schedule for every third day.

Keep reading for a full breakdown of what each of these schedules entails.

The Every Weekend Schedule

This schedule would allow the primary parent to have weekdays while the other parent has weekends. This does leave the non-primary parent with less time, but the every weekend schedule does allow for a lot of consistency.

Also, depending on the child’s age, they might be in school during the week. Handing off the child every weekend helps to not break up the school schedule.

This is also a helpful schedule because the non-primary parent might have more time with the child on the weekends since they don’t have to be in school. This can help make up for the time difference.

The every weekend schedule also works for families with one parent that works or travels on the weekends, but it certainly isn’t the only option.

5-2 Alternate Weekend Schedule

Another method of working out a 70/30 custody schedule is with a more flexible version of the weekend schedule. This is a great option if both parents are hoping to spend time with their children over the weekends, or if one parent is hoping to have some free weekends.

A 5-2 alternate weekend schedule means that you start on any day of the week and five nights are with the primary parent and two nights are with the other parent.

This schedule will depend on what is best for your child, and might be best if your child is younger than school age. That way, their normal routines are less interrupted and each parent can spend time with their child during more formative years.

Every 3rd Week Schedule

This schedule is best for parents who want to spend longer periods of time with their child. By using this schedule, your child will live with the primary parent for two weeks and then the secondary parent for the third week.

This schedule would mean that the second parent is going to go two weeks without being with their child. This may not be best for some families. However, if one parent lives farther away and the child is not school-age, this could be a great option.

When considering this schedule for a school-age child, you want to make sure both parents live close enough to the school and to the child’s activities. This will help reduce interruptions in your child’s life.

This is also where communication is key between each co-parent. Since the child will be spending a bigger chunk of time with one parent, it’s important to talk about what happened while the child was with each parent.

If your child is young enough, they might hit some milestones while in the custody of one parent, like crawling or talking. This can be an exciting time for both parents with a lot of communication involved.

If your child is older, personality will also help you decide if this is the right schedule. Your child might enjoy spending a lot of time with each parent, or they might struggle with being away from one parent for too many days or weeks. This could cause anxiety, so discussing it with your child could be a helpful strategy.

Every Third Day Schedule

The last common version of the 70/30 schedule is frequently transitioning the child to each parent every third day. This will only work if your child can handle traveling between parents this often.

With this schedule, the primary parent, or Parent A, will have the child for two days, and then the other parent, or Parent B, will be with them for one day. The child will then go back to Parent A.

This can be especially easy if the parents live close to each other and have similar work schedules. It’s also important for you to have a good relationship with your ex-partner, since this type of schedule involves a lot of communication and transitions.

It can be challenging to pick the right schedule that will work best for your child. While each schedule is a viable option, it’s important to understand which one is best for your particular situation.

70/30 Joint Custody Schedule for Based on Age

Your child’s age is an important factor in deciding the right custody schedule for your family. If your child is an infant, it will be important for them to be with their mother for more of the time, especially if the child is breast-fed.

This also means that any schedule involving a lot of time away from the primary parent might not be best if you have a baby. A schedule like the every third day schedule might be best so that the child isn’t away from the mother for more than one night at a time.

If your child is a toddler, there’s a bit more flexibility in what they might be able to handle. The every weekend schedule is usually popular for toddlers since it’s consistent and allows the child to know what to expect. This type of consistency also helps a toddler to adapt to parent separation.

For older children who are in school, you might want to work with your co-parent to consider a schedule that will fall in line with your child’s school and activities. If one parent lives farther away and your child has sports or other activities on the weekends, the 5-2 alternate weekend schedule could work out.

Also, since your child’s needs will change as they get older, your schedule can also change. Staying in frequent communication with your co-parent will allow you to discuss what’s best for your child during different phases of life. This will also keep you both flexible and willing to adapt to your child’s needs.

What Else Should You Know Before Choosing a Schedule?

Other than age, you may have more things to consider before you settle on a 70/30 schedule, like making sure you’re following your state’s laws. While parents are able to choose which schedule works best, it’s important that they make sure they’re following the child custody laws in their state.

Additionally, other than meeting your child’s needs based on the school schedule, you also want to meet your child’s emotional, physical and developmental needs. For example, if you have a teenager, their social schedule will also be an important factor for consideration.

Previously in this article, I’ve also mentioned that location can affect what schedule works best. If parents live close together, they can have a schedule that involves more frequent exchanges for the child.

If one parent lives in another state, things might get more complicated for your 70/30 schedule. Creating balance and maintaining consistency remain important but become more difficult if your child will be traveling farther. Also, keep in mind that both parents will want to understand each state’s laws to keep making sure you’re following the rules.

What If You Can’t Agree on a 70/30 Schedule?

The best case scenario would put you and your co-parent in the best positions to be raising your child. In this ideal situation, you can communicate easily and your child is able to transition to follow the joint custody schedule with ease.

However, some parents, especially separated parents, have trouble putting their differences aside and finding the right parenting agreement and schedule that works for everyone. If you’re unable to make an agreement, you might need to rely on a standard custody agreement.

This type of agreement will give the non-custodial parent one evening a week. This parent will also have every other weekend with the child. The rest of the time will be spent with the custodial-parent, also known as the primary parent. 

Clearly it would be best for both parents to be involved in making the decision, and finding a more customized agreement. This way, you can also adjust the agreement easier as your child ages.

Get Help Organizing Your 70/30 Custody Schedule

Developing the right 70/30 custody schedule for family can be challenging. It’s important to consider all the important factors when deciding what will work best, but you can also get help to make organizing your schedule easier!

Check out the 2houses co parenting app for more help creating your schedule and staying on top of your custody planning.

Posted on

What Does a 80/20 Custody Schedule Look Like? A Guide for Parents

80/20

Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is even harder.

Co-parenting is a term used for any separated, divorced, or “two house” families trying to raise a child or children together. With around half of all modern marriages ending in divorce, co-parenting is used more than ever. Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to co-parent, and many previous couples struggle with it.

One of the biggest challenges co-parents face is establishing a custody schedule that works for them. In many situations, a judge will have a lot of say in who the primary residence or primary custodial parent is. However it works out, some parenting time plans work out to something known as an 80/20.

But what is an 80/20 custody schedule? What does it look like? Continue reading to learn everything you need to about this specific type of custody schedule.

What’s an 80/20 Custody Schedule?

An 80/20 schedule is when a child (or children) spends 80 percent of their time with one parent and 20 percent of their time with the other. In these situations, one parent usually has primary physical custody. However, this type of custody schedule may also be used when the arrangement is sole physical custody with scheduled visitation.

Determining the percentage parenting time amounts to can be confusing. For this type of agreement, it generally works out so the non-custodial parent has three overnight visits every two weeks. Those visits don’t have to be consecutive, but they can be.

How the 80/20 custody schedule works best will depend on several factors. Primary factors include:

  • The age of the child (or children)
  • How far apart the parents live from one another
  • How involved each parent was in caring for the children before separation
  • If the courts are involved, what type of determination they’ve made

There may be other factors to consider in your unique case. Below you can see a few examples of typical 80/20 parenting schedules to help get a better idea of what this looks like in practice.

80/20 Custody Examples

It’s essential to know all custody agreements can be individualized. Using a mediator through court, along with a co-parenting app, can help the two parents figure out what works best for them.

That being said, there are a few recommended options for setting up an 80/20 schedule, based on the child’s age and how close the parents live. These schedules can be used exactly or as a reference to create a similar plan that works best for your situation.

When Parents Live Near Each Other

When parents live near each other, there’s more flexibility in how custody schedules can be set up. The closer parents live, the more flexibility. For these options to work, parents would ideally live an hour or less away from one another.Toddlers/Until School (Around Age 4 to 5)

Toddlers benefit from frequent contact with the non-custodial parent whenever possible. This is because toddlers (and even preschoolers) are still developing bonds with both parents. Before starting school, it’s recommended toddlers see the non-custodial parent for three non-consecutive overnights every two weeks.

The overnights can be scheduled in a way that best works for both parents. Generally, however, one overnight each weekend usually works well. The third overnight is usually scheduled for a weekday, once every two weeks.

This may not work for every parent, however. Parents who work early mornings Monday through Friday may find weekday overnights difficult. There are ways to work around this.

The non-custodial parent could, for example, pick the child up after work on a weekday. They could then be brought home before bedtime instead of being kept overnight. It isn’t recommended that toddlers stay two consecutive nights away from the custodial parent.Older Children/Teenagers

Once children are older, they can successfully move to every other weekend visitation. Older children and teenagers do well with these schedules because they’ve already built strong bonds with both caretakers. In most circumstances, their bond with the non-custodial parent won’t be affected by more extended periods apart.

With an 80/20 custody schedule, three overnights every other weekend is the general rule. For parents who live close together, Friday evening until Monday may work well.

This would, however, put the non-custodial parent in charge of dropping the child at school on Monday morning. If that isn’t possible due to work conflicts, every other weekend from Friday until Sunday is one option. Using a co-parenting app can help ease confusion about when each parent is available and how much quality time they spend with the child or children.

When Parents Live Further Apart

When parents live further apart, custody schedules can be more challenging to create. This is especially true when children are younger and do best without extended stays away from the custodial parent. However, each child is unique, and what works for one family may not be best for another.Toddlers/Until School (Around Age 4 to 5)

Until children begin school, long-distance parenting plans may do well with one overnight each weekend. While similar to the schedule mentioned earlier, there is one significant difference. The one overnight during a weekday every two weeks is dropped due to distance.

There are ways to make up most (or all) of this missed parenting time without keeping the toddler from the custodial parent for more than one night.

One option is to use a slightly later drop-off time when the child is with their alternate parent. If the regular drop-off time would be 10 am on Sunday, the schedule can be rearranged to have a drop-off at 5 pm on Sunday. This adds 7 hours each week to the non-custodial parent’s time, thus making up most of the missed weekday visit mentioned above.Older Children/Teenagers

The same schedule that works for older children and teenagers above can work with long-distance parenting, with very few modifications. Instead of staying from Friday until Monday of every other weekend, teens should be returned Sunday, so they’re ready for school in the morning.

Another long-distance option for older children and teenagers is two weekends on and one weekend off. In this custody schedule, the children spend two weekends with the non-custodial parent, followed by a weekend with the custodial parent. If either parent wanted a specific weekend during the year, this could be worked into the schedule.

When an 80/20 Might Be the Best Choice for You

There are many custody schedule options. Much of how custody is determined will depend on what the courts say and the schedules of each parent. Sometimes, custody can be worked out between two parents.

That being said, there are specific circumstances where an 80/20 custody schedule may be the best choice for you. These include:

  • When one parent was granted primary physical custody
  • When one parent has sole physical custody and the other parent has scheduled visitation
  • When one parent is unable to spend more time with the children for any reason
  • When parents live further apart
  • One parent has been the primary or sole caregiver of the children during the relationship (or during the children’s lives if parents weren’t together)
  • Both parents agree on an 80/20 custody schedule
  • The child or children do best with a single home base
  • The child or children have special needs that make frequent transitions difficult

This isn’t an all-inclusive list. There may be other reasons for choosing an 80/20 custody schedule over other options. There are also many reasons why an 80/20 custody schedule may not be the best option for you.

An 80/20 split in parenting time may not be suitable for your situation if:

  • The non-custodial parent has more time to spend with the child
  • The courts have appointed joint custody to the parents
  • Both parents were equally involved in the child’s care before separation
  • Both parents agree a different custody schedule would work best
  • Parents live in different states or countries (which requires a very different schedule)

Frequently Asked Questions About the 80/20 Custody Schedule

It’s normal to have questions about the 80/20 custody schedule and custody arrangements in general. Below are answers to a few of the most common questions or concerns parents have.

Does Parenting Time Have To Be Exactly 80/20 in These Arrangements?

No, parenting time doesn’t have to be exactly 80/20. However, it’ll fall roughly around those numbers. Depending on the custody schedule, parenting time may be 82/18, 76/24, or something else that is close to 80/20.

Is an 80/20 Schedule the Only Option for Separated Parents?

No. There are many different custody schedule options for parents, with the 80/20 parenting time split being one. Different custody schedules work for different families.

Some parents have a 50/50 custody schedule where the child spends an equal amount of time with each. Others have a 70/30 parenting agreement that usually works out to one parent having weekdays and the other having weekends. It’s up to the two parents and the courts to determine which custody agreement works best for everyone.

What if I Want More Than 20 Percent Time With My Child?

If you’re the non-custodial parent in an 80/20 schedule and want more time with the child, it depends on whether the courts made the custody determination. If the courts determined that custody should be 80/20, you’d need to return and refile to have it changed. If the custody was set up outside of court, you could open up a conversation with your child’s other parent.

What’s the Easiest Way To Set Up a Custody Schedule?

The easiest way to set up a custody schedule is through a co-parenting app, like 2houses. In some situations, it’s necessary to first go to court or mediation to determine the type of custody split. Then, you and your co-parent can choose how that time is split via the application.

What if Something Comes up To Interrupt the Custody Schedule?

Things can (and will) happen to disrupt your custody schedule. These things may be short-term emergencies or long-term life changes. When this happens, it’s best to communicate openly with your co-parent about the situation.

If there’s strife or other issues between you and the other parent, it’s recommended that all contact be documented. This protects both parties from “he said, she said” situations. It also helps make communicating less stressful for both parties.

Documentation can be done in several ways. Co-parenting apps are one option for documented communication. Other options include text messaging and email.

What if There Is a Restraining Order Involved?

When a restraining order is involved, it stops one parent from contacting the other. Sometimes, however, they’ll still share custody of the child in an 80/20 custody schedule or similar. This adds more difficulties to an already challenging situation.

A co-parenting app can be especially useful in this situation. If the courts allow for a singular, documented form of contact specifically about the children, an app is a perfect option. It will enable all conversations to be recorded while still maintaining necessary lines of communication between parents about the child.

More Questions About What an 80/20 Custody Schedule Looks Like?

An 80/20 custody schedule is where a child spends 80 percent of their time with one parent and 20 percent of their time with the other. This works best in certain situations, such as when parents live far apart, or one parent has been granted primary physical custody of the children.

To make any custody agreement work, open communication is essential. After splitting, many parents find communication difficult or impossible. Others find they’d like a more organized way of discussing or presenting custody schedule options.

That’s why 2houses was created. The co-parenting app takes the hassle out of creating a custody schedule and streamlines communication. Sign up today and see for yourself.

Posted on

How a Co-Parenting App Can Help in a Separation with Kids

Coparenting app

Co-parenting can be challenging and filled with emotions. You might be feeling stressed from communicating with your ex-partner. You may also struggle with the organization required when your children are switching between parents.

Two people sharing responsibilities over two houses can be difficult. While some of that stress might be unavoidable, a lot of the details and logistics can be handled with a co-parenting app!

If you’re wondering how a co-parenting app can help you in separation with kids, keep reading this informative article! You’ll find practical uses and benefits that explain how an app can help you manage your custody schedule.

What Is a Co-Parenting App and Why Is It Useful?

A co-parenting app is a smartphone application that is built to help separated families. If you’re a divorced or separated parent, these apps help you to communicate with your co-parent.

Some co-parenting apps are for communication and messaging. But other apps also help you keep logistics organized. This might include details like your schedule, doctor’s appointments, soccer practices and even tracking expenses. 

It’s helpful to be able to talk to your ex about your children in one place. But, it’s even more helpful to also store all these messages and documents in one place.

In general, most co-parenting apps function to keep track of your children’s activities, time schedules, and expenses.

This is useful for sorting out custody time, as well as financial responsibilities. This also helps to make all the important information accessible to all parties.

The 2Houses app allows parents to exchange important information, like school details and medical notes. You can also receive help with storing documents and keeping messages with mediator access.

Frequent Features

One of the most important features of the 2Houses app is the shared calendar, which allows you to build an interactive calendar. You can also sync the calendar with other major apps, like Google calendar and Outlook.

If your child is scheduled for a dentist appointment in the same week as your work trip, it will be important to communicate all the details with your ex. You also want to talk without stressing about how to keep all the details clear.

Another essential feature is the finance tracker. This tracker allows you to log all the shared expenses. This means both you and your co-parent can view any expenses.

You can also build reports that show spending over time, and you can even organize this by category. This might help you to show how much you are contributing to your child’s costs.

Additionally, banking information can be stored on the app. Upload other important information about your children, like social security numbers, medical information, and clothing sizes.

You can be sure that this information will be safe and central. This way, both you and your child’s other parent have equal access to important information. 

This parenting app also contains a journal where you can write information to share. This allows you to share memories about your children as they go through important milestones in life!

The Benefits of a Co-Parenting App to Improve Communication

Now that you know the features of a co-parenting app, it’s important to understand the benefits of these features.

This way, you can begin to see how a co-parenting app can improve your life. The first improvement that you might see from a co-parenting app is communication.

Talking to your ex can be difficult, but it’s a key part of success when it comes to co-parenting. You and your ex need to be able to discuss any upcoming dates and events for both yourselves and your children.

You will also want to keep each other up to date on general life updates that occur while your children are in each other’s custody. This will end up creating a better relationship between yourself, your co-parent, and your children.

But, this can end up being challenging for two people who are no longer involved romantically.

You might also find that one person is more willing to communicate than the other. You might be sending messages about events, and they either got lost in the shuffle of their phone texts or they might say they never received them.

Keeping all your information in one central place helps to ensure that everyone is on the same page when it comes to raising your kids. This also helps you and your ex to communicate more healthily and respectfully since all the messages are stored.

If you also worry about your ex intervening in your relationship with your child, you can make sure everything is clear through the app.

Even in the best co-parenting relationships, it’s easy to lose important information about homework, playdates, and medical appointments, so a co-parenting app will help keep it all in one place.

Using an App to Help with Co-Parenting Organization

Another huge benefit of a co-parenting app is the ability to organize information between your houses. Not only do you need to keep your logistics in order, but you will also have a lot of paperwork to keep track of.

Many doctor’s offices and schools are using digital and email records, which makes it even easier to store your information in the app.

This also makes it challenging to search your inbox. So it’s important to be able to access your children’s records in a central place that both parents can see.

If your children are school-age, you will also need to keep all their school information organized. Imagine being able to store each teacher’s name, along with your children’s grades, permission slips, and school numbers.

You might have much more information about your children than you’d even think, and all of this should be kept in one place. Things like phone numbers for friends, insurance information, and birthday wishlists can all be stored.

Especially if you have more than one child, the paperwork and details involved can be complicated. It can end up as a stack of papers or a bunch of emails that can get lost or easily forgotten about. 

You can also upload other information like vaccination records and identification documents. This ensures that both parents have everything they need and that you can keep it all in one online filing system.

For example, your child might want to go on a school trip to another country. But one parent keeps all the important documents like passports and social security numbers. So you might be stuck having to call them for information.

By keeping these documents stored in one place, both parents feel involved in their children’s lives. 

The Benefits of Using an App for Documentation

As mentioned above, a co-parenting app stores your information for you in an easy-to-access manner. The history of communication through the app is also stored.

This means if you end up in a situation where you are disagreeing with your co-parent about something that is said, you can refer back to the messages, schedule, or document you’re referring to.

This is especially important if you are in a stage of the separation process with lawyers and court hearings. You will need to be able to show certain proof of expenses.

Being able to show both expenses and proof of communication can go a long way in showing your level of responsibility and organization. Since the information is stored for both parties, you will also not end up with one person claiming they never received a message.

So if you message your ex about arranging a pickup time and they don’t show up, you can refer back to the app to show exactly what was initially agreed upon.

Again, even in the smoothest parenting relationships and separation with kids, it’s still important to have documentation. 

For example, you might have agreed to share expenses. But you may believe you have been spending more on school supplies, clothing, and food for the past month.

With a co-parenting app, you can bring up a chart to show where the money has been going for each person.

Using a Co-Parenting App to Keep Everyone in the Loop

Aside from documentation and imaging situations where one parent is at odds with the other, a co-parenting app is also a great way to keep all the important parties in the loop.

Your children are more than schedules and paperwork, and they will be making memories with each parent along the way.

Staying active and present in your child’s life is a top priority for each parent. But it can be difficult to do this when your child is splitting their time with your ex. Technology has allowed us to keep people involved even at a distance. 

By using the app, you can not only arrange for face-to-face exchanges with your children, but you can also use the in-app journal to share experiences.

If only one parent can attend a play or game for your child, you can use the journal to recap the memory and help the other parent feel involved. You can add photos to share even more memories and store these important events.

This app is also helpful for day-to-day thoughts and concerns about your children in a private manner. So you able to share important memories with your ex.

You can also communicate in free space with your thoughts and concerns without having to message them separately from the app. This is a great way to keep track of updates about your children. 

For example, you might be trying to raise a teenager who could be telling one parent a story and change the story completely for parent 2. By communicating through a co-parenting app, you keep your kids accountable.

This will also make sure nothing is falling through the cracks. Everything will also be saved, so the journal is a great way to reflect on your children’s lives throughout the year. 

Still Questioning the Use of a Co-Parenting App?

Sometimes we are all hesitant to add another app or technology service to our lives. Especially when as parents, we’re already involved in far more things than we can keep track of.

So you might still be questioning the use of a co-parenting app in making your life a bit easier.

Whether you’re at the beginning stages of a divorce or you’re trying to improve your relationship with your ex for the sake of your children, a co-parenting app can be the right tool to improve your life. 

This is a great option for you to each is held accountable for your responsibilities. But it helps you to not have to physically jot down notes about schedules that you might lose later on.

Also, if you need a mediator, the 2houses app has a special feature that allows you to share communication with a mediator to keep your relationship and communication more civil and productive.

An App to Help Take the Stress Out of Co-Parenting

The last thing a busy parent need is another service to keep track of, which is why a co-parenting app helps to centralize all your children’s needs in one place. This way, both parents have access to all documents and notes.

Learn more about the features 2houses has to offer. Discover how you can start improving your co-parent communication to make your life and your children’s lives a bit easier.

Posted on

Custody Schedule and Father’s Day

Custody and father's day

Custody schedules work well until they don’t. No schedule is foolproof. Even Father’s Day sees alterations.

Most changes are due to everyone’s desire to help with your kid’s events or planned activities.

Have you ever wished you had an app that could handle the process?

An app with functions that allow you to send your ex-spouse and kids a schedule change request. And, having it automated from your calendar.

The good news is that the 2houses app automates change requests so you can get quick answers.

This feature is sure to simplify your communication with your ex-spouse. It will also keep the kids happy knowing that mom and dad are working together on their behalf.

Keep reading to learn more about how to keep your Father’s Day intact regardless of any schedule changes.

Sharing Father’s Day With Your Kids

No matter what your current schedule looks like, it might change if you want to share Father’s Day with your kids. It is important that both parents get equal time with the kids over the holiday. After all, Father’s Day in some families is also about the kid’s granddads.

If you’re fighting for more time, you need to do so in a way that makes the kids feel like they’re part of the solution. You don’t want to be the bad guy when it comes to considerations for Father’s Day. Take time to make sure you understand how your kids want to celebrate.

Kids need their mom and dad to have a good time. You may have family or friends visit your home on Father’s Day, and they may not know this need. You don’t want anyone taking sides against either parent during a holiday.

Instead, you want everyone to hold a positive viewpoint for the sake of the kids. You even hope they are proactive in facilitating the kids connecting with their dad.

Connecting With Dad

It is important for kids to connect with their dad during Father’s Day. This might be a few hours for dinner or the entire weekend. The key is making sure the kids get to share their input.

It is important for the kids to take part when deciding on dates and times for visiting with dad.

If the ex-spouse makes other plans to visit their dad, consider working out time for a phone call. Kids can also spend valuable time with dad through Facetime, Skype, and other media tools. Regardless of the venue or format of communication, the kids must be able to visit in a heartfelt manner.

Free to Be Them

The kids might need enough privacy so they can get goofy without anyone making comments. They need to experience the freedom to be themselves in a different manner with mom and dad.

Or, your kid might want to sing a special song and needs to be in an environment that is judgment-free. Scheduling time for your kid’s parental relationships is important to building their self-confidence.

When we allow our kids to express themselves in a personal manner to either parent, they need to feel secure. To help ease that sense of freedom, consider putting the focus on the kids.

Focus on the Kids

When your ex-spouse is reluctant and only allows for a short visit, keep it simple. Focus on your kids and make sure they understand how important they are in your life. Do not put your kids in the middle of the scheduling conflict.

The worst-case scenario is establishing a special time with the kids later in the week. You can turn the late Father’s Day event into a time of affirmation. After all, there wouldn’t be a reason to celebrate if the kids weren’t a part of dad’s life.

The kids will feel loved knowing both parents support their need to spend time with dad. That demonstration of parental unity will empower the kids. They will learn that it is okay for them to love both dad and mom equally.

This holds true even when the custody schedule isn’t equal.

Custody Schedule

Custody schedules are great if you use them efficiently with a plan. The problem arises when the scheduling system doesn’t fit your lifestyle. The biggest culprit challenging your plan is the wonderful, yet unexpected opportunity.

All schedules include activities that don’t always follow an exact schedule.

To add to the confusion, few are able to change custody-based temporary schedules. Making changes is difficult until the parents settle the permanent parenting plan. Another consideration is the changes that happen at various ages.

Your Kids Needs Will Change

The kids tend to lose out during this period. This can put undue stress on them. Both mom and dad must find a way to address the kid’s needs in a non-confrontational manner.

Regardless of the judge’s final approval of the parenting plan, schedules will still change. Your kids’ lives will continue to evolve, as will their schedules. Consider reading more about these issues in similar posts.

To reduce the conflict, you’ll need a tool that speeds up and simplifies schedule alterations. The 2houses app streamlines all communication regarding the custody schedule.

Tweaking the Schedule

Start by putting your agreed-upon custody schedule in the app. When an opportunity that drives change comes up, send a message within the app. Inform your ex-spouse when you need your kids for a specific reason.

If your ex-spouse is onboard with the tool, the response is quick and easy. The app will notify you once the response to your request is complete. There’s no need to be afraid of an automated system. This co-parenting app does not intrude on your parenting techniques.

The app helps ease parenting problems, especially when you don’t know how to talk about them.

It’s a wonderful app and allows for non-confrontational communications. It even works to support those last-second issues when important opportunities pop up. To make sure nothing is missed due to the changes, the app can send everyone in the family reminders.

What About Schedule Changes?

Submit a request for the time change to the parent in charge of the child at the time. In a situation where you don’t know who this is, you can request an alert and a link to the schedule change. In the event the schedule needs to change, it will notify you by email.

There are options for how the schedule is changed, too. This includes a timer that can be set to run for a certain length of time. You can adjust the schedule on a weekly, monthly or annual basis. You also have the option of a full-page download of the calendar and a summary of your kid’s schedule.

The 2houses app can help a separated parent stay connected. The dashboard offers an easy-to-use method to customize the interface. Life gets easier once everyone uses the app for schedules and related communications.

A Technical View

Let’s say you want to send your ex-spouse relevant information. You’d first go to Settings>Timeline and make a note. Then you’d go to Calendar>Timeline and add in the dates, events, and activities. Finally, select Edit and drag the calendar date to where you want it on the schedule.

You can then select Done and your changes are complete.

How Apps Simplify Your Life

Explaining changes to your ex-spouse becomes a chore when your schedule gets busy. All too often one parent might choose to leverage that precarious moment to inflict hurt. A tool like the 2houses app takes the emotional element out of the mix.

Change requests become a familiar and more accommodating process. The app inspires parents to focus on the kids when managing the schedule. It may even change the atmosphere to one of cooperation.

This keeps the kids out of conflict and can reduce emotional triggers.

The Process

Change requests are saved to the appropriate account. This means you won’t have to always ask your ex-spouse to approve a change. When your ex-spouse is cooperative, change requests fast and free of incident.

You can also set up an alert to notify you as soon as your ex-spouse responds. The 2houses app drives civility, which may have been lost during a heated divorce. It also allows you both to regain some level of respect for each other. The type of respect you give to a co-parent addressing changes with the kid’s best interest at heart.

You’ll want to review any changes that alter the parenting agreement. You’ll have to decide what changes are appropriate or may impact long-term decisions. Once you are content with the change requests, you can submit them to the calendar.

Get Your Kids Input

If you wonder about tips for managing a calendar, the app works best when the kids have access. When they feel like the calendar is theirs, they will take responsibility for its content. This shared calendar will also make a great tool for the family to stay cordial with each other.

With full access, the kids can input their school, clubs, and sporting activities. The calendar is ideal for when your kid decides to try out for a sport or musical theatre. They’ll be able to enter the entire schedule for both mom and dad to review.

Within a few minutes, a healthy resolved calendar emerges.

The 2houses app takes the burden off of your shoulders. It saves you time, energy, and peace of mind. It also protects your kids by showing you what they need.

This gained knowledge will help you stay on top of your parenting decisions.

The Best of Solutions

You can start using the 2houses app before your parenting plan is in place. This will help everyone to better understand the civility of the process. They will also see how things are actually playing out.

The app tends to reduce the emotional angst arising from negotiations. This results in everyone seeing what works for the kids and what doesn’t. That gained knowledge tends to make all parents fairer about schedules.

The 2houses app can be a document that tracks official change requests as required. This digital solution will also help you find any change-related problems. Once caught, you can tweak the schedule to help the kids.

In essence, the app becomes a neutral territory for negotiating schedule changes.

Quality Time With Your Kids

Scheduling is all about making quality time with your kids. Changing plans and rescheduling the activities can make for a long weekend. You’ll be able to spot patterns with the 2houses app.

The patterns will help you give your kids the benefit of the doubt with their scheduling needs.

Busyness is no longer a negative thing when you can make everyone’s schedule more cohesive. Your kids will see your interest in them as you alter things to make sure time together is well spent. They’ll also appreciate their ability to populate the calendar with their desires.

Scheduling video calls with your kids is now easier than ever. The 2houses app has the ability to schedule phone calls and Skype sessions. The app can notify you when it’s time to launch your planned call.

Making Father’s Day Work

The 2houses app will help you share a preliminary custody schedule before mediation. The format allows for rapid changes so you and your ex-spouse can settle faster than expected. As a practical matter, your kids shouldn’t be in a constant state of flux when it comes to their schedules.

Having your custody schedule set ahead of time will keep both you and your ex-spouse happy. You’ll both stay happy when the app facilitates surprise opportunities for you around the holidays. Register for the 2houses app and keep scheduling strains away from the family with this co-parenting app.Ask about order

Posted on

The 2-2-3 Parenting Plan and Other Schedules for Summer Vacations

2 2 3 parenting plan

Shared custody is now the most common post-divorce parenting arrangement, which means divorced parents also share responsibility for planning their kids’ summer breaks.

The school year flies by, so before you know it, your children will be home for the summer—and your normal routine goes out the window. A special summer timesharing plan must go into effect.

Will you and your co-parent choose to 2-2-3, week-on/week-off, or something different? When developing a summer parenting plan, hiccups may arise over vacation, family reunions, and the like. 

You can lessen the risk of these disagreements by working out a plan for summer timesharing in advance. Keep reading to learn how to create a summer parenting plan that works for all parties involved.

How to Create a Summer Custody Schedule

All families are familiar with how the hustle and bustle of summer break changes their daily schedules. However, when co-parenting, these changes become more drastic and concrete. 

If you want to develop a timesharing plan that gives your children a relaxing break while creating the least amount of family stress, you must start with the custody schedule laid out in your court order. Use this as a guide to filling out a monthly calendar according to when the children are with you instead of the other parent. 

Your divorce settlement may also layout who the children will spend various holidays with throughout the year. More often than not, the holidays rotate or alternate. The plans are set up this way so that if dad gets Memorial Day, the mom gets the Fourth of July, and so on. You must also account for Father’s Day and any birthdays that occur during the break. 

You’ll also need to take note of how much summer parenting time is allocated to each parent. For example, if you are a non-custodial parent that lives far away, you may have extended parenting time in the summer. 

Take these dates into account because these are the ones you’ll need to plan around. If your co-parent is entitled to eight of ten weeks of summer break, but with flexible dates, this gives you the room you need to plan a family vacation.

Plan Early

A lot of thought goes into setting a summer co-parenting schedule, so it’s best to start planning early. Remember, you’re planning around more than just your own schedule.

If you are proactive about setting the schedule earlier, you can take the potential stress out of determining schedules. Do this right, and you’re more likely to increase the bonds your children have with you and their other parent.

Plus, planning vacations earlier is just smarter—you can take advanced of reduced prices for plan trips, accommodations, and the like.

Look at Your Personal Schedule

First, take a look at what your personal calendar has on it for the summer. Are there any work or social plans that could affect summer timesharing?

Make sure to jot down any important dates now. These might include a family reunion you want to take the kids to or a conference for work out of town. Finalizing your personal schedule will allow you to work out potential future swaps if needed.

Also, check out your childrens’ activity schedules. Look for birthday parties, sports games, or other events you know they wish to attend. 

Will you want to attend any of these as well? 

There may be some events you’ll attend alone, but others you will together. Discuss this with your co-parent and work out an arrangement that allows you both to be as involved as possible.

Communicate Your Timesharing Wish List With Your Ex

Once you’ve considered your personal schedule as well as your children’s, you can arrange to speak with your co-parent about your ideal summer parenting plan. 

It’s important not to spring this on your kids’ other parent. Give them advanced notice, so they have a chance to come up with a list of their own needs and preferences. 

You both must know the difference between preferences and absolutes, especially when a day would fall outside of one parent’s scheduled days.

Negotiate for High-Priority Family Events

When allocating summer parenting time, both of you need to agree to modifications and exceptions for the benefit of the children. 

If it’s your year to have the kids on Memorial Day, but your co-parent’s family is hosting a reunion that day, your kids may benefit from exchanging that holiday for another that fits into your plan. 

When discussing these types of scheduled changes, strive to keep the amount of parenting time the same for each parent. If you ask for three extra days for a beach vacation, find three days you can give back somewhere else to offset the change.

No Premature Plans

It’s fun to plan vacations, especially when kids are involved. As you ask your children what they’d like to do for the summer, don’t make premature promises. 

Your kids will undoubtedly be excited about some of the potential plans. However, your job as a co-parent is to make sure they know that the plans are tentative until the other parent agrees. Nothing is certain until this happens. 

And if your kids are excited about a plan that your ex-partner shoots down, don’t blame your ex or make it seem like they have the last word. This can be considered alienation or lead to resentment.

Possible Summer Parenting Plans

Now that you know what to consider when determining summer timesharing plans, how do you put one into practice? Here are some examples of summer schedules when co-parenting children.

Regular Schedule With a Vacation Option

One of the most common ways of approaching summer break is keeping the regular schedule through the summer months. In this arrangement, the children remain with the custodial parent. Usually, the parents will each have an opportunity to have extended, uninterrupted time (usually two or three weeks). 

This schedule is popular as it’s not as disruptive to the kids’ routine. It might also be preferable to stick with the schedule to align with the parent’s work schedules. If both parents frequently see the children throughout the school year, there may not be a need for a separate summer arrangement.

A common issue with this schedule is that it can be difficult to manage when parents have to work, and kids aren’t at school all day. 

Planning summer camps, daycare, and vacations can then be complicated and lead to disagreements between parents.

Week-On Week-Off

Another arrangement to consider is a week-on-week-off schedule where children alternate weeks with their parents throughout the summer. This is a good schedule if you and your co-parent live near each other and both have good relationships with your children. 

The benefits of this schedule include equal time for parents, which is healthy for most children. It’s also an easy schedule for all to follow, and there is less back and forth. There is less risk for scheduling conflicts and plenty of opportunities for each parent to plan a vacation.

However, sometimes this is a difficult schedule for working parents. Making camp or daycare arrangements every other week can be complicated, overwhelming, and expensive. If you’re concerned about this, consider a 2-week on and 2-week off agreement instead.

Majority to the Non-Custodial Parent

If you and your ex live in different locations, consider an arrangement where the non-custodial parent exercises most of their timesharing during summer break. Since they’re away from the children most of the school year, visitation is limited. Giving them most of the summer is often an amicable way to approach timesharing over summer break.

Giving one parent a large portion of the summer break allows for the additional time needed to strengthen bonds with their children. It also helps children adapt to new environments and a faraway home from the other parent. They can take the time they need to settle in without the burden of school-related activities and stress.

However, the custodial parent often has difficulty with this arrangement as they’re away from their children for long periods. And for the non-custodial parent, it can seem difficult to maintain a relationship after only sporadically seeing their child during the other times of the year.

2-2-3 Schedule

The 2-2-3 schedule is best for parents who want to exercise long weekends during summer break. In this arrangement, or you have the children for two days, the other has them for the next two days, and then the kids go back to the first parent for a long, three-day weekend.

This works because each parent enjoys two days with the children during the workweek and has a long weekend with the children every other weekend.

Many co-parents enjoy this two-week rotating schedule because they get to have equal time with the children. Yes, there is more switching back and forth, but if the parents live close to each other and the children don’t mind the changes, this may be an attractive arrangement for your family.

3-4-4-3 Schedule

The 3-4-4-3 schedule is another 50/50 schedule that includes your children staying with one of you for three days a week and then the other four days. It alternates each week so that you may have the child for four days and your co-parent has them for three.

Parents enjoy the same nights with their children each week—except for the one that occurs on the exchange day. 

This is a great schedule because there are minimal exchanges, and children get to spend an ample amount of time with both parents each week. It’s also favored because each parent has equal time with the children and can assist in daily caretaking.

The children benefit from this arrangement because they don’t go long between exchanges. This schedule can work very well for your family if you and your co-parent have different work schedules.

It depends on which day of the week this schedule starts, but in some cases, one parent may have the children every weekend. When a schedule includes a midweek change, you must communicate well about daycare and summer activities. 

Additional Tips for Smooth Planning

Don’t go into a conversation with your co-parent about an alternate summer schedule blind. Here are some additional tips to ensure the conversation goes smoothly.

Be Flexible

While you might have your own hopes and plans for your children’s summer break, it doesn’t mean your co-parent doesn’t. If they want to plan a vacation with the kids, show them the same courtesy you expect from them. Be flexible!

Yes, compromise means you may not get the exact time you wanted or as much as you usually receive, but always consider accepting this in exchange for your wish list.

Of course, the structure helps determine who will have the kids when, but be flexible with that structure to accommodate activity or travel plans that your co-parent or the children may have.

The more advanced planning you engage in and the more willing you are to be flexible and work with your co-parent, the better your summer schedule will be.

Keep Communication Open 

When planning changes to your custody schedule, it’s essential to keep all lines of communication open—this applies to everyone involved.

Just because you’re on vacation with your children doesn’t mean they should be unable to speak to your co-parent. You may not purposefully interfere or prevent the child’s communications, but be aware that it can seem this way. Just make sure you’re encouraging involvement on both sides.

A common example of this is a parent taking their children out of the country for vacation and not bothering to purchase a cell phone plan that allows for international calling.

Your co-parent could take this scenario to court and use it as an example of you interfering with them speaking to your children, which is a type of parental alienation. The other parent can use this against you when modifying a parenting plan in the future.

It’s Possible to Plan a Schedule That Satisfies Everyone

Summer vacations are special—even magical—to children. You’ve committed to co-parenting your child with your ex, and that involves working together to create schedules that satisfy everyone in the family.

Whether you decide on the 2-2-3, week-on-week-off, or another arrangement, do it together so that you can ensure smooth planning and a summer that’s enjoyable for all. If you’re new to co-parenting and just navigating this for the first time, this co-parenting guide may help.

Posted on

6 Tips To Reduce The Stress Of Co-parenting

Tips for co-parenting

Parenting already is a difficult task, but co-parenting, especially with an ex-partner, may prove to be even more complicated. Adapting to the reality of being a co-parent isn’t always easy and swift. It might take a while to come to terms with it, and you’d occasionally have to make sacrifices.

However, always bear in mind that it’s for the betterment of your child/children. You might have to make some compromises you don’t like.  Being a co-parent comes with a heap load of stress. Luckily, this article will explain six ways on how to deal with stress.

1.  Find a support system to vent your feelings.

The stress and mixed emotions that come with co-parenting can be very draining and infuriating. You will occasionally get mad at the co-parent for not doing things your way or in a way you like.

However, It’s important to understand you can’t be in control of everything. Keeping emotions pent up might lead to harboring ill feelings towards your co-parenting partner.

Thus, a support system to vent your emotions will provide you the soft cushion you need to release all the negativity. That support system could be a trusted friend, a therapist, or even a support group. It will make you feel less alone, and your support system can also serve as a voice of reason or advisor during misunderstandings.

You could also release accumulated stress by treating yourself to some white zinfandel wine. This wine is fantastic, and it contains many ingredients that help the body relax.

2.  Effective communication is vital.

As a co-parent, you always have to be accessible to your co-parenting partner at all times. Communication is the most essential and fundamental part of good parenting. Treat your co-parent as a business partner and be civil with them.

Communicate effectively through a designated medium which you’d both agree on. Talk about everything involving your child, so you and your co-parenting partner can make the best decisions. Never forget they’re your partner in this, so don’t make decisions solely.

3.  Create a schedule or calendar to go by.

Organizing and creating a parenting schedule goes a long way in ensuring both parents get to spend equal time with the child. This helps prevent a dispute over visitations and vacations. Plan, even for the unexpected. The schedules will make your life ten times easier as few circumstances would catch you unprepared.

4.  Don’t view your co-parent as an enemy.

Any bad history or issues you might have with the co-parent should be left behind in the past so as to not affect your child. Don’t do anything spiteful to your ex-partner based on your sentiments alone.

Your children’s state of mind and wellbeing as a whole always come first. So, it would be best to avoid doing things because you want to prove a point to the other parent. Make decisions based on what’s best for your child/children.

Strive to have a healthy relationship with the co-parent. Misunderstandings are bound to happen when two individuals have to decide on the same thing but make sure it’s a peaceful and mature conversation that ensues. Having disputes or quarrels in front of your child/children should be avoided at all costs because there’s a high tendency it will reflect on their behavior.

5.  Leave the kids out of grownup matters.

Keep the kids out of your issues, fights, and decision-making with your co-parent. It doesn’t matter if you’re upset at the co-parent, don’t get the child/children involved. They might be acting unreasonable, but never badmouth or demean them to your child or children. Consider their feelings towards this parent and don’t make a big deal out of minor situations.

6.  Learn to be flexible.

There will be instances where your co-parent might want to switch scheduled parenting days with you due to some unforeseen events. Hence, you should try as much as possible to be flexible. It is essential to understand that not all you plan would follow the order you plan it, and that’s okay.

Above all else, you should put your child’s convenience above yours. Amidst all this planning, it is easy to neglect your child’s feelings altogether.

It would be best if you always had a contingency plan for times when you’re busy. Some of these include dropping your child off at a trusted relative or friend’s place.

Final Thoughts

Co-parenting can sometimes feel like an extra job, but it’s worth the work at the end of the day. Even though you might be busy with your child/children, care for yourself too. Take a time out once in a while to do something for yourself. Go out with friends, get a massage, go dancing – whatever it might be as long as it relieves your stress.

If you don’t relieve your stress and you allow it to accumulate, you would do more harm than good to both you and your child.

Research Article

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coparenting
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-co-parent-coronavirus-pandemic_l_5e7d1cc7c5b6256a7a27685a
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/issues-all-co-parents-face-and-how-to-overcome-them_n_57856348e4b08608d3321fd0

Posted on

Challenges of Coparenting in Military Families

coparenting in military families

Military life is challenging yet rewarding. The same can be said for coparenting. 

Since 2001, two million American children have experienced a parental deployment. At least half of these children also experience a separation between their parents. 

This is why coparenting in military families is so important. Separated parents must come together and make sure their kids receive full support. Yet coparents often experience many hurdles as they raise their kids. 

Understanding what those hurdles are is the first step toward overcoming them. Here is your guide to the challenges of coparenting in a military family. 

Separation Proceedings

Divorce is difficult enough for anyone. It is especially difficult for active-duty personnel because of the lack of communication they have with their spouse. 

If you are on active-duty, understand your rights under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. You can obtain a postponement of legal proceedings if your service affects your ability to engage with the divorce case. When you request this protection, you can automatically receive a 90-day stay. 

If you are a military spouse requesting a divorce, you should still file for a divorce as soon as possible. Keep in mind that it may take time for your partner to respond. 

Both parties should talk to a lawyer who specializes in working with military families. Some law firms offer services for “military divorce.” These services do not differ substantially from civilian divorce, but the term can indicate experience with military members. 

Some military bases have legal assistance attorneys. They can write letters and review legal documents for active-duty personnel. 

But they cannot represent personnel in a divorce hearing. The personnel must find a different attorney. 

The person who is initiating the divorce should file in the state where they live. A service member who has been living in a state for six months can file for a divorce in that state. 

A military spouse can continue to receive military benefits while the divorce case is ongoing. The two parties can communicate with each other. 

Both parties should also remain in contact with their children. Even an amicable divorce can be stressful for kids. 

Affirm that you love them and will spend time with them. Give them books that explain divorce at their level. 

Custody Arrangements 

There are several ways you can consider custody in a military family. Many couples decide on joint custody, even while one parent remains on active duty. In these arrangements, the civilian parent watches over the children while the servicemember is working. 

If both parents are on active duty, they must decide together where their children will live. They can live with a relative or a guardian that both parents decide upon. 

There are several modes of joint custody, including legal custody. The children can spend more time with one coparent. But both can possess the same amount of legal rights. Make sure to look through all of your options before deciding on the best form for you.  

Some spouses decide on sole custody for the civilian parent. The military parent does not have a say in major decisions for their children.

But they do have visitation rights. Both parties should negotiate on when the military parent can visit and how much contact they should have. 

They should also decide on child support. It is up to the coparents to decide on how the military parent should pay.

A child can live with their parent on a military base. This is not ideal for a separated couple, but it is possible if necessary. 

The military parent should have a way of sending the money on time and in full. They can wire the money electronically or they can send a physical check. 

If the servicemember has full custody, they should designate other family members to take care of their children. They should also provide visitation access for the other coparent. 

Drafting Parenting Plans 

Coparenting is possible with a military family. But both coparents need to help draft a nuanced parenting plan. 

The biggest factor is communication. A coparent may be deployed to an area without easy communication. You need to consider how the parent can remain in contact with their child. 

Some organizations offer letter-writing programs for soldiers. If you or your child is not acquainted with letter writing, start practicing.  

A plan should cover travel arrangements. A service member can receive an assignment to another duty station with little notice. They could also be sent back home. 

The plan can ask both parents to set aside money so the member can return home. It can spell out how the military parent will transport themselves. 

What happens when the military parent returns should be defined. They should know where they are going to live and how they can see their children. 

You should also consider how grandparents and other family members are involved. You should loop them in on the plan you are forming. If you need them to watch over the children or provide support, you should specify that.

It may take some time to hash out the details. Don’t rush things. Talk things over carefully with the other party. 

Creating and Revising a Family Care Plan 

A Family Care Plan is separate from a parenting plan. It is a document that all service members who have children must file. It is designed for caretakers who do not have a military background but will take care of the children.

You should have a caregiver in mind when drafting one. You must name them and provide their contact information. If the caregiver is not the child’s other parent, you should describe the other parent. 

Detail the arrangements they should make for daily activities. This includes how the caregiver should pick your children up from school. You can also describe extracurricular events. 

In addition to logistics and monetary arrangements, you should provide medical arrangements. Include copies of your children’s medical records and insurance forms. You can discuss religious arrangements if they are important. 

It is important to keep your plan up to date. As your children grow up and their arrangements change, you should edit your plan. You can change caregivers if you need to. 

After a separation, you should absolutely update your plan to reflect your new arrangements. You should include information about what your custody, visitation, and child support rights are. 

If your children are old enough, you can consult with them on your plan. Talk with them about what arrangements they want. 

A Family Care Plan is distinct from a last will and testament. Service members are not required to draft one, but the military strongly advises it. 

Coping 

People struggle with a range of emotions after going through a separation. Some people experience grief as if someone close to them died. Others feel a sense of relief or excitement. 

Take all the time you need to process your emotions. Spending time with your children can help, especially after the separation process is over.

But give time for yourself and your friends as well. You are in no rush to get over the feelings you are experiencing. 

If your feelings impair your ability to work or take care of yourself, seek help. Servicemembers can request non-medical counseling. They can talk to an experienced counselor about coping strategies and the next steps. 

Do not ask for reassignment or deployment so you can take your mind off your separation. You should try to keep working, but don’t make sudden changes to your life. This may make you feel worse. 

When coparenting, the two exes often remain in contact with each other. This can be awkward. When one person is overseas, communications can be indirect or delayed. 

When you talk to your ex, be as respectful as possible. Keep the conversation short and then move on with your day.

Try not to dwell on negative emotions. Do not get into an argument with them. 

Separation can cause symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder to flare up. Talk to a psychiatrist if you have ongoing PTSD. You can take medications or adopt therapies that can help you manage your symptoms. 

Doing Things With Your Kids

Spending time with your kids after a separation can be difficult. They may want to talk about the absent coparent.

Explain the absence in brief terms. Be honest but don’t be too specific. Make sure your kids know how much you love them and tell them you will not abandon them. 

Many children are curious about their parent’s military service. This may be difficult for you to talk about.

Keep things light. Talk about funny things that happened during your service. Tell a few short stories instead of long dramatic ones. 

Let your coparent talk about their service. Don’t make guesses as to what they did or didn’t do. 

Make an adventure out of your time with your kids. Go to an amusement park or a nature preserve. Visit the aquarium and eat at their favorite pizzeria. 

You can have your child visit you on a military base. Create an experience that they will remember. 

Make the time you have with them about them. Give them an experience they will remember positively. Project as much positive emotion as you can. 

Try to keep whatever else you are feeling to yourself. Go to a friend, coworker, or medical professional if you have strong feelings of anxiety or guilt.  

Finding New Partners

You do not have to pursue another relationship until you are ready. It is best to calm down and put some distance between yourself and the separation. 

Many people find a new relationship after separating from an old one. You can continue to coparent while living with another partner. 

Maintain boundaries amongst yourself, your new partner, your ex, and your children. You should discuss your new relationship with your ex. Address concerns that they might have and discuss how involved your partner should be in parenting. 

Your ex may not be happy with your partner. Limit contact between the two of them. If your relationship gets serious, do stand your ground, but avoid making things difficult at first. 

Talk to your children before you introduce them to your partner. Allow them to adapt to the new situation through time. Inform your partner about what your child is feeling. 

Consider how much of a coparenting role you want your new partner to have. In particular, consider if you would like your partner to discipline your child. Have a conversation about how you and they discipline children. 

If your partner isn’t willing to step into a parenting role, you can still maintain your relationship. Wait to introduce them to your children.

Your partner may or may not be a service member. It can be difficult to maintain a relationship while both partners are on duty. Do your best to facilitate your relationship with them. 

Your children can engage with you, your new partner, and their other biological parent. Tell your child that they can spend time with all three of you. If they don’t want to spend time with one person, tell them that they don’t have to. 

Coparenting in Military Families

Coparenting in a military family is possible. Affirm your child while you are undergoing a separation. Remain in contact with them as much as possible. 

Set up custody arrangements and parenting plans. Provide specific details on how your child will be cared for. 

Take the time you need to cope with your separation. Touch base with your child and spend time with them. Be careful introducing your new partner to them. 

Coparenting is a marathon, not a sprint. 2Houses provides the facts you need. Read this guide on being a great coparent while having feelings for your ex.

Posted on

The Role Stepparents Play in Children’s Lives.

The Role Stepparents Play in Children's Lives

Stepparents play a number of important roles. The nature of the situation and the dynamic of the family relationship all dictate how those roles play out. 

It can be difficult to fulfill the role, though. Separations are difficult on children as well as adults, and it’s never easy stepping into that situation from the outside. Regardless of how long a set of parents have been separated, there are wounds to address and bridges to gap when someone new enters the picture. 

We’re going to talk about the role of stepparents in this article, giving you some ideas to work with as you try to become a stepparent or incorporate one into your family. 

The Roles of Stepparents

It’s difficult to give one-size-fits-all solutions to issues in family dynamics because all families are so different. 

All individuals are unique, making each combination of people in a family very unique as well. Throw the trauma of divorce or separation into the mix, and you’ve got a delicate, very personal situation. 

That said, single parents can’t just isolate themselves and avoid the potential of relationships. When the time comes to introduce a new stepmom or stepdad to the picture, there a few things to consider that will make the process go a little smoother. 

Again, you can’t put a stamp on any one solution because your approach has to adjust to the situation you and your family are in. There are, however, a few ideas to keep in mind that might make the process a little smoother. 

Let’s take a look at some ways to imagine and develop the roles of stepparents. 

Don’t Rush Things

You’ve established a good relationship with your new partner, but you don’t know how the children will respond to the situation. 

They’re still grieving the loss of their parent’s relationship, and they might not appreciate the idea that there’s a “new mom” or “new dad” in the picture. It’s natural for them to show a little resistance to the idea — especially at first. 

Rushing into the situation and trying to force a positive relationship between the stepparent and stepchild cannot work. When you start to break down what a “parent” is, it’s clear that there are longstanding bonds that have to be made before that role can be established. 

Slapping a parent-child label on a relationship without any foundation will lead to resentment and difficulty later. It’s natural for that to happen, too. When someone is a parent, they’re expected to provide various means of physical and emotional support. 

When those expectations aren’t met, things might go sour. The thing is, someone a child doesn’t know and trust can’t fill that emotional space for them. 

Solution: Allow Relationships to Form Naturally

You can be in a relationship with a new person and have them around your children without calling them a stepparent. Sure, you want that relationship to develop in the future, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait to introduce them until then. 

A new adult in the picture can serve as a friend, mentor, or just someone who cares. That’s all it has to be at first because that’s all it can be. 

A low-pressure, enjoyable time spent together is the best way to start establishing a bond that will last. It’s important for both the biological parent and the stepparent to understand this. 

Odds are that you both want to establish the stepparent-child relationship and that you both have your own ideas of what that looks like. It’s important to stay on the same page and regularly discuss how both of you are treating the situation.

It’s great to show affection and allow the relationship to develop, but tap your foot on the brake when you start to see yourself forcing different elements of the relationship. 

Discuss Family Dynamics

Whether you’re the biological parent or the stepparent, it’s crucial that you talk deeply about how the family came to be. Discuss each member of the family, their roles, how they were affected by the separation, and the relationships that they have with everyone else. 

As a stepparent, you have to appreciate the emotional difficulty that your new family has gone through. Your personal opinions and contributions are important, but they’re not going to solve the issues that the others have experienced. 

This can be a really painful thing to go through because it’s easy to feel powerless in that situation. Know that the situation is complex, and you might not be able to improve things very much at first. Let’s use an example. 

Imagine the family as a big beautiful house. The house was once brand new, everything was working, and there was no reason to think that things would ever stop working. 

Then, one day a massive storm came through and shattered some windows, messed with the wiring, and shook the foundation, creating a few deep cracks. The house is still standing up, but it needs a little repair. 

You can live in this house, but you can’t fix the house yourself. You can’t come to plant your flag and say, “I’m here to save the day! Here are all of my important ideas that will make everything better!”

You’re not a carpenter, and only a professional or someone who built the house in the first place knows how to fix those cracks and windows. 

Ask Difficult Questions

The best way for stepparents or biological parents to create a healthy new dynamic is to have discussions. 

The trouble is, the discussions aren’t easy and they drudge up a lot of emotional subject matter. You have to appreciate that divorce and separation are the hardest things that any child has ever had to face. 

They might not understand the nature of the divorce, which makes it even harder to stomach. Lack of understanding, though, doesn’t equate to emotions that are any less intense or severe. 

Left unchecked, that confusion and emotional turmoil will manifest in other ways and remain unresolved. When someone is in that state, the last thing they want is for a new person to come in and take the role of the person they’ve lost. 

Further, someone who doesn’t appreciate the trouble you’re going through should not try to insert themselves into an important role in your life. 

So, the first step for a stepparent is to appreciate the situation in earnest. Don’t force the conversations, but ask questions where you can and begin to understand what the family members are going through. 

Once you’re more aware, you can start to see where you will fit. You might find that your spot isn’t exactly what you imagined it would be!

Family Roles Aren’t Uniform

Note that unique families call for unique roles. 

Just because you’re a stepmom or a stepdad doesn’t mean you have to behave like your dad or mom. Further, you might not wind up filling a role that you could even imagine at this point. 

We often get caught up with what we think we’re expected to do when the reality of the situation calls for something else. Your role as a stepfather, for example, could be a quarter father figure and three-quarters best friend. 

The way you end up fitting into the family will probably have different elements of what you expected, but a lot of what you didn’t. You might never get the title of “dad” or “mom,” but that doesn’t mean that you won’t fill pieces of those roles.

In many cases, both biological parents are in the picture, and they both hold up their ends as parents. The stepparent is still a parent, albeit one that fits a different role than they would if the other biological parent weren’t in the picture. 

The situation will unfold and call for stepparents to step up to the plate. This all plays out according to the needs of the children and the biological parent. That isn’t to say that a stepparent is beholden to the family and can’t be themselves. 

Stepparents may have interesting family traditions, great parenting instincts, and other wonderful qualities to bring to the table. Those are all positive things and should be embraced. The idea we’re getting at, though, is that the position that the stepparent holds does depend on the existing environment of the family and its needs. 

Respecting Former Partners

There isn’t a shortage of issues in relationships between divorced or separated people. Throw a few children and a new partner or two into the mix, and there’s a lot of room for things to get heated. 

It makes sense, too. Loving relationships and children are some of the most important, emotionally charged factors in any person’s life. If your situation is tense right now, know that there are ways to get through it and find a healthy balance. 

Again, this issue is helped by having discussions. There would be a sense of mutual respect in an ideal situation. When it comes to someone else having a hand in raising your child, that respect has to be earned. 

There isn’t an excuse for an ex to be nasty to a new stepparent, but it’s important to understand where that emotion is coming from. If you know your ex is a reasonable person, and you know that your new partner is a good person, you know that there’s room for peace to be achieved. 

The same goes for situations where an ex introduces a partner to the children and you respond in an intense way. Unless the new partner is an unhealthy influence on the children, it’s important that you find ways to appreciate and accept the situation as it is. 

That means finding respect for the opposite party and having discussions that solve issues. In some instances, that could require therapy. 

Actively Creating Divides

Some stepparents and biological parents have the habit of belittling the opposite parent or their partner to the children. 

Saying negative things about the child’s parent or stepparent to them creates a confusing environment for them. They might start to believe the things you say and internalize them. 

It’s important that you don’t avoid difficult truths about these relationships, but gossiping or venting to a child about your frustrations with an opposite parent doesn’t help anything. 

Even though it sounds like something that you wouldn’t do, it’s easy to slip a little bit and vent your frustrations in an unproductive way. 

Agreeing on Rules

Rules between households are bound to be a little different. It’s important, though, to keep a consistent thread of foundational rules present in both households. 

It’s important to communicate with the children’s other parent and their spouse to set these guidelines. Varying rules and expectations across households can lead to a difficult environment for the children. 

Additionally, failing to respect the wishes of the other parent and vice versa can lead to trouble among parents. These are bridges that can be gapped, even if the solutions aren’t perfect or permanent. 

The idea is to keep an attitude of mutual respect, standing strong or making sacrifices based on the situation. Even if your relationships with the other adults in the picture aren’t great, you can find a common ground to benefit the children. 

If there’s respect across the board, you’ll create a healthy space for the stepparent roles to grow and thrive. If not, it might be difficult for the children to establish healthy relationships with these new figures in their lives. 

Again, things might not pan out how you would have wanted them to. These new roles and relationships might not look at all how you thought they would. What matters, though, is that there’s an environment of love and support that benefits the children. 

Want More Parenting Insight?

Stepparents have a difficult job, but it’s one that can be incredibly rewarding. There’s a lot to learn, and we’re here to help you work through the tough points. 

Explore our site for more parenting information that will help you bridge the gap in stepparent-child relationships.