Divorce is never easy, but when your ex-partner is high-conflict, the challenges can multiply. Co-parenting in such a situation can feel like navigating a storm with a leaky boat. Nevertheless, for the sake of your children, it’s essential to manage this tumultuous sea and find a safe shore.

Understanding the High-Conflict Ex-Partner

High-conflict individuals are often characterized by all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behaviors, and a penchant for blaming others. They tend to turn minor disagreements into major battles and can make co-parenting exceedingly difficult. It’s crucial to recognize these traits early to develop effective strategies for managing interactions and minimizing conflict.

Common Challenges

Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner can present several challenges:

Frequent Disputes: High-conflict individuals often argue over minor issues, turning them into major conflicts. This can make every interaction a potential battleground.

• Inconsistent Communication: Clear, consistent communication is vital in co-parenting. However, high-conflict individuals may use communication as a weapon, making it difficult to maintain a focused dialogue on the children’s needs.
• Undermining Parental Authority: High-conflict ex-partners may undermine your authority as a parent, attempting to turn your children against you or contradicting your parenting decisions.
• Creating Stress for the Children: Perhaps the most significant issue is the stress that high-conflict situations can create for children. They may feel torn between their parents, leading to emotional distress and behavioral issues.

Embracing a Positive Mindset

Despite the challenges, maintaining a positive mindset can be a powerful tool when co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner. Remember, you can’t control your ex-partner’s behavior, but you can control your reactions to it. By focusing on what you can control, you’ll be more equipped to manage the situation effectively and minimize its impact on your children.

The Impact on Children

It’s crucial to understand the potential effects of high-conflict co-parenting on children. These may include:

• Emotional Distress: Children might feel anxious, fearful, or depressed due to the ongoing conflict.
• Behavioral Issues: Increased aggression, withdrawal, or academic struggles may occur as a result of the stress.
• Relationship Problems: Children may have difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future due to their experiences.

It’s essential to keep an eye out for these signs and seek professional help if needed. Remember, the ultimate goal of co-parenting is to ensure the well-being of your children.

The Role of Legal Systems

Navigating the legal landscape when dealing with a high-conflict ex-partner can be daunting. However, understanding your rights and obligations can go a long way in managing the situation:

• Custody Orders: Ensure you fully understand the terms of your custody order and abide by them. Any breaches can be legally addressed.
• Legal Support: Consider seeking legal advice to understand your options and protect your rights.
• Court Mediation: In high-conflict situations, court-ordered mediation may be beneficial to help resolve disputes.

The Power of Patience

Dealing with a high-conflict ex-partner requires a great deal of patience:

• Expect Resistance: High-conflict individuals may resist cooperation. It’s important to be prepared for this and not let it deter you from your co-parenting goals.
• Take One Step at a Time: Progress may be slow, but even small improvements in communication and cooperation can make a significant difference.
• Remember the End Goal: Keeping the well-being of your children in mind can provide the motivation needed to keep striving for a peaceful co-parenting relationship.

Building a Support Network

Having a robust support network is invaluable when dealing with a high-conflict ex-partner:

• Friends and Family: Loved ones can provide emotional support and practical help, such as babysitting or transportation for the children.
• Professional Help: Therapists and counselors can provide strategies to manage stress and navigate conflicts.
• Support Groups: Connecting with others who are facing similar challenges can provide a sense of community and shared understanding. It can also be a source of practical advice.

Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner can feel like an uphill battle, but remember, you’re not alone. Utilize your support network, stay focused on your children’s needs, and take care of your well-being. With persistence and patience, you can navigate the challenges and create a peaceful co-parenting relationship.

The Importance of Communication

Effective communication is essential when co-parenting, especially with a high-conflict ex-partner. Here are a few tips:

• Keep Communication Child-Focused:  Always keep the focus on your children and their needs. Avoid getting sidetracked into personal disputes.
• Use Neutral Language: Avoid blaming or accusatory language. Try to keep your communication factual and neutral.
• Document Everything: Keep a record of all communication with your ex-partner. This can be helpful in case of disputes or legal proceedings.
• Utilize Technology: Using a co-parenting app like 2houses can help streamline communication and keep everything in one place, reducing the potential for conflict and misunderstanding. 

The Role of Co-Parenting Apps

Co-parenting apps can be a valuable tool for managing communication and schedules with a high-conflict ex-partner:

• Managing Schedules: Co-parenting apps like 2houses can help manage your children’s schedules and events, reducing potential conflicts and misunderstandings.
• Streamlining Communication: These apps provide a platform for all communication, keeping everything documented and in one place, which can be particularly useful with high-conflict individuals.
• Sharing Information: Co-parenting apps can be used to share important information about your children, such as school reports, medical information, and updates on their activities and progress.

Remember, it’s not the challenges that define us, but how we navigate them. Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner can be a tumultuous journey, but with the right tools, strategies, and mindset, you can steer the ship towards calm waters and ensure a positive upbringing for your children.

Conclusion

Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex-partner can undoubtedly be challenging. However, by understanding the nature of high-conflict individuals, employing effective strategies, avoiding common mistakes, and making use of available support systems, you can navigate this complex landscape. Remember, the ultimate goal is to foster a nurturing environment for your children, and with patience, resilience, and determination, you can rise to the challenge.

Don’t forget, you’re not alone in this journey. Stay strong, stay positive, and remember, the calm after the storm is well worth the effort.

Separation and divorce is not easy and it leads to a lot of uncertainty…for parents…for children and for anyone who has a relationship with the family, such as in-laws. Everyone is unsure what will happen to the family after the split and no one is certain what the child arrangement will look like. In fact, many people aren’t even sure what type of child arrangements there are in Canada, which we will cover in this article to help you navigate the system of family law.

What is Child Custody?

In Canada, child custody is an umbrella term that describes who cares for the children after a divorce. In the Canadian family law, typically parents have the legal right to determine the care and well-being of their child; however, this can become muddied when parents get divorced and are suddenly at odds on who gets to care of the children and who is responsible in making these decisions.

In most divorces, parents tend to split the child custody arrangement; however, there are times when this child custody arrangement does not work and cannot be set without the involvement of the courts. At that time, the Canadian courts will step in and make the decision on what the best child custody arrangement would be for that child.

What Types of Child Custody Arrangements are there in Canada?

It should be noted that when we look at navigating child custody within Canada, we need to understand that there are four different types of child custody arrangements within Canada. These are:

Full Custody

Also known as sole custody, this type of child custody arrangement is where only one parent has custody of the child. This means that the parent has sole control over their child and where he or she lives. In addition, when a parent is awarded full custody, which means that they have the right to decide on visitation of the other parent.

Full custody is quite rare in divorces, unless there are reasons where joint custody would not be in the interest of the children in the marriage. One thing that should be mentioned is that when a parent has full custody, he or she is not 100% financially responsible for the child. Like all child custody arrangements in Canada, the other parent, whether they get visitation or not, is responsible for their portion of child support to ensure that the child maintains the same quality of life as before the marriage ended.

Joint Custody

One of the more common types of child custody arrangements, joint custody is where the parents share a 50/50 custody arrangement. This means that both parents have equal responsibility for the child or children. They have to share the planning and decision making on schedules, where the kids go to school, what religion they are raised with, where they live. In the event that one parent needs to move out of the city or country, the other parent in the joint arrangement gets to be part of the decision of whether the children move with them.

With joint child custody arrangement, parents will choose how to do their visitation schedule so that they both get equal time. A great way to manage child custody arrangements is to use a mediation app to schedule out your weekly visitation days.

Finally, with joint custody, parents split expenses for the kids 50/50 with child support payments often reflecting that arrangement.

Shared Custody

While similar to joint custody, shared custody is when both parents are responsible for both caring for and housing their children. With shared custody, the kids spend equal amounts of time with either period.

In addition, shared custody means that both parents share equal responsibility in making decisions for the child. It should be noted that, generally, joint custody is preferred over shared custody.

And again, with child support, it is based on income, the province you live in and quality of life prior to the divorce.

Split Custody

This occurs when the couple have more than one child, with two children being the most common family dynamic for split custody. With split custody, one child lives with one parent and the other child lives with the other parent. There can still be arrangements for visitation where the kids either spend time together or in a one on one situation, swapping homes during the visitation.

In addition, when looking at split custody, the home of residence can shift depending on arrangements. This means that the child can live with either parent on a permanent basis, only visiting with the other parent on set visitation days, or the residence can rotate with half at one parent’s house and half at the other parent’s house similar to a 50/50 joint custody.

Generally, split custody is not one that is often viewed as an option since it is not always believed to be in the best interest of the children to have siblings split and living in separate homes; however, if a court decides that this is in the best interest of the children, it is an option the courts will sign off on.

Split custody child support payments can still occur but it is based on your province and the income of both parents. The goal is to create equal living conditions for both kids so if one parent makes significantly more than the other, child support payments will be made to bring the other child’s level of living conditions up to the other child. It should be noted that split custody does not mean no child support payments.

And those are the four child custody arrangements in Canada. Now let’s look at a few legalities you should be aware of.

What are Some Child Custody Laws I Should Know?

When it comes to the laws of child custody arrangements in Canada, parents should be aware of a few facts before they start making arrangements. These are:

1. You are both responsible for your child’s well-being and safety. This means that you both have a say and you both have a responsibility in it. This means that you much provide your child with food, shelter and clothing. In addition, your child needs a safe home.
2. The child’s best interest is first for the court. When you go into court, the best interest of your child is going to be the most important thing for the court. In Canada, they may make decisions that go against the wishes of the parents because the court feels it’s in the best interests of your child.
3. Canadian courts has parens patriae jurisdiction. This goes back to the child’s best interest but it means that the Canadian government has power and authority to protect the children who cannot act in their own best wishes. What this means is that the Canadian courts will take any necessary steps to protect your child as they feel they need to be protected.
4. Support payments reflect the custody arrangement. The main focus of child support is for the children to live in similar means to what they lived before divorce. How much you pay for support depends on a number of factors including custody arrangement, income level and lifestyle your child had pre-divorce.

As you can see, there are a number of things that you should be aware of to properly navigate. Basically, if you approach your child custody arrangement with the best interests of the child in mind, you will see the best outcome from the courts.

Navigating the Canadian courts when it comes to child custody arrangements doesn’t have to be difficult but we definitely recommend that you have good representation if you have to move into the court system.

Whether we like it or not, technology has become a fixture in our lives. It shapes our day to day: how we work, how our kids spend parts of their days and even how we interact with those in our lives. It is everywhere so it should come as no surprise that it has been a way for parents to facilitate co-parenting after separation or divorce.

In fact, there are countless apps out there designed to help you through the trials and tribulations of co-parenting from mediation apps, such as 2houses, to budgeting programs, which 2houses has built in. The main focus of these technologies is to make co-parenting more effective and easier for parents in ways that are beneficial to parents and kids alike.

So what are the benefits of using technology to facilitate co-parenting after separation or divorce? Well, the answer is that that will depend on your family and how you use those technologies. But the even better answer is that there are a number of proven benefits that we will go over in this article.

Keeping Things Organized

The first benefit that we are going to look at is that technology really helps you stay organized as co-parents. If you choose to use a mediation app, you will find a lot of different ways that the technology helps with organizing. For instance, if you go with 2houses, you will be able to upload documents and store them on a folder in the app. This is great for custody documents, medical reports and anything related to the needs of the kids. Both parents will have access to it and it can be easier to access than printing out and placing them in file folders at home.

Having this organization done so easily, you can focus on parenting, which is what most of us want to do.

Helps Plan and Maintain Custody Calendars

Another benefit that you get with technology is that custody schedules and calendars can be in the palm of your hand through your mobile device. Again, looking at 2houses, the calendar allows for an easy way to maintain your calendar with ease. You can program in your custody arrangement as well as appointments, events and so on. When you put the custody arrangements in, you can also add the time and place where the handoffs will be done. This makes planning your day around handoffs much easier since it is all accessible and notifications can send you reminders of when you need to leave.

In addition to scheduling, you can make requests right on the calendar if you need to make a change to the schedule for the week. The other parent will get the alert that you are requesting a change and can respond right on the app. This can help free up time and minimizes any hassle of trying to connect in person for those changes.

Allows you to Communicate Even When You Can’t

Sometimes we can’t communicate as co-parents. This can be for a number of reasons from busy work schedules to periods of high tension for both of you. If you are going through moments in your co-parenting relationship where you are not able to have a conversation without arguing, technology can be a lifeline for several reasons.

First, it allows you to have conversations only about the kids. Second, you can take your conversations away from in person by using texts, emails, private messages or going through communication journal apps. Third, it gives you time to collect yourself. This is a huge benefit because you can walk away when you are communicating through technology, collect your thoughts, deal with any negative emotions and then send a response when you have a clear mind. It helps with furthering conflict.

Gives You Moments to Connect with Your Kids

All parents agree that not being able to see their kids every day is one of the hardest part of being divorced or separated. It’s as much a part of our routine as it is theirs so, of course, there will be moments when its hard, even for the adults.

Technology has a way of making those moments not quite so hard because you can connect with your kids at any time. This can be done by email, text, and messenger as well as through apps that have private photo albums and communication journals like 2houses does. It gives you a sense of being with your kids, even when you are not able to be with them.

It is important to mention that when you are co-parenting, it is important to remember that the time your kids are spending with their other parent is important for their bonding time so don’t cut into it. Instead, let the kids to send the little check ins or agree with your co-parent to send nightly updates and any photos (and vice versa when the kids are with you) so you both can feel connected to your kids, even when they aren’t with you.

Helps you Budget

With two houses, you will find that there are a lot of extra expenses that you need to plan and budget for. This can be a bit overwhelming if you are simply keeping track on paper, but with technology, you can use budgeting programs to keep track of everything from child support payments to shared expenses that you and your ex-partner have for the kids.

In addition to keeping track of everything, you can utilize technology to make payments automatic on a monthly basis. Many banking institutions has ways of making this happen so you can just get it scheduled into your account and then forget about it…except to make sure that you have enough in your accounts to cover it.

As you can see, technology has a range of benefits that you, your kids and your ex-partner can all enjoy. Co-parenting can be easier; you can be more organized and both of these benefits will allow you to focus on your kids and the time that you spend together.

When we get separated or divorced, one of the first things that we notice is that finances have changed significantly. A number of things happen from splitting bank accounts and properties you own to suddenly having to factor in the expense of child support and legal expenses. It can be quite harrowing to see how you’ll maintain your financial freedom as you move from one house-two incomes to one income supporting your kids, extra expenses incurred from divorce (such as additional childcare) and all the other expenses in the day to day.

However, it doesn’t have to be harrowing and there are tips that you can follow that will support your financial freedom and help you adjust to being a divorced or separated Canadian parent.

Tip Number One: Review and Understand Shareable Assets

The first step to financial planning for divorced or separated parents in Canada should begin with reviewing the shareable assets with your ex-partner. You will find that by doing this, you can plan better and make sure that the split of family assets is even between the two of you. In addition, by understanding shareable assets, you will understand what needs to be shared and what doesn’t need to be shared.

So what is an asset? Properties, vehicles, retirement assets (RRSPs and so on), furniture and personal effects can all fall under shareable assets. However, this really depends on when they were purchased and where you reside within Canada. For many, if things were purchased before the marriage, they are not shareable assets and both parties leave with what they came with. However, there can be exceptions to this. For instance, in the case of an RRSP, if your partner contributed to it during your marriage, it may need to be split. Another one can be the matrimonial home. Even if it was purchased before you were ever a couple, it may need to be split at the time of divorce.

In addition, things like gifts, inheritance and similar may not be shareable assets depending on the province that you live in.

The best advice here is to speak with a lawyer for financial planning so you can understand what is shareable in your province and what isn’t.

Before you go and speak with a lawyer, be sure to make a list of all of your assets so that you don’t have to spend extra money going back if you missed something and need to have it added.

Tip Number Two: Understand How the Taxes are Going to Affect You

This is often one of the top things that Canadian parents who are separating or divorcing don’t think about, the taxes. In Canada, both married couples, and common-law couples (if they have lived together for at least 12 months) will face the same tax laws when there is a divorce. This circles around family assets and can actually affect each party when assets are divided during the separation or divorce.

This means that when a couple are separating, the Canadian government may administer tax consequences depending on the value on the asset. It should be noted that value is based on before, during and after the relationship ends so any appreciation and depreciation of an item will be taken into account.

When you are planning for your finances, make sure you take this into account as you will want to factor that into how items are split between both of you since it could lead to some significant taxes being owed for some assets and not others.

Tip Number Three: Make Sure Titles are Switched

One thing to remember in Canada is that if you have shared assets with both your names on it, your ex-partner will have rights of survivorship on those assets, regardless of your will. The only province that does not have this rule is Quebec. To prevent future problems, make sure that any property that you retain after the divorce has all titles switched to you completely. This will also minimize any future problems with your ex-partner if you decide to sell off any assets that you retained.

Tip Number Four: Discuss Shared Expenses

While we’ve been looking at the split of assets, it is important to discuss shared expenses with your ex-partner, especially if you have kids that will have expenses. Talk about what will be covered by child support payments and then anything that comes above and beyond that child support.

Once you know what shared expenses you will have, you can begin to look at your own financials to determine where you will need to save so you are able to get your financial freedom again. It isn’t easy, but understanding shared expenses as quickly as possible, even before you finalize anything in the courts, you can plan for your own future with more ease.

Tip Number Five: Review your Estate Plan

Finally, make sure that you review your estate plan with your estate planner. Do you have life insurance policies? Change the beneficiary or have a trust take care of it for your children. If you have a will, have it redrafted to reflect your current relationship so that everything is set the way you want it set.

Finally, be sure to look at your overall financial goals, where you are at this point, what assets you have after leaving the marriage and what you are earning vs paying out. Create a plan to build back anything you’ve lost during the divorce and what you’ll need to do to build it back.

Creating financial freedom doesn’t have to be unobtainable after a divorce, it just takes understanding of assets, your provincial laws regarding divorce and being set on your financial goals. With some hard work and focus, you can be back to your financial freedom in no time.

When it comes to divorce or separation, often one of the hardest tasks that you can sit down to do is create a custody schedule. There are a lot of layers to it, which can include court orders, work schedules for both co-parents, and the kids’ own schedules. There is a lot of juggling that can be done just to iron out a schedule and keep it running on the day to day, whether you are running through a co-parenting app, such as 2houses, or through a basic calendar. In this article, we will go through some key points to creating a custody schedule that works for your family.

Step One: Map out Schedules

The first thing that you should do is write out, or map, the schedules of everyone involved. Your work schedule, your ex-partner’s work schedule and then the kids’ school schedules. Add in any extra curricular activities that you, your partner or kids have on a weekly basis. Also be sure to add in any vacation time that you know about. This might have to added later or revised on a yearly basis, but if you know now, put it in.

While it may seem a bit daunting writing this out before you even set up the schedule, having everything at hand when you create a custody schedule will help it go smoothly without as many last minute changes to the schedule when you realize something was forgotten. That isn’t to say that things won’t be forgotten, or even added depending on the time of year, but having the majority of it will make planning go smoother.

Step Two: Discuss the Joint Activities

Although we often think of custody schedules as two houses having separate time with the kids, this isn’t always the case. For instance, before the separation, one parent may be volunteering as a soccer coach, which means that every weekend, whether it is their weekend or not, they will be seeing the kids. Or maybe there is a regular event that both parents always attended, such as swimming lessons, and you want to keep that same routine for the kids.

In the event of these joint activities, you need to look at how it will go work logistically. Will you schedule transitions after the event? For instance, you go to the soccer game at 10am every Saturday but there is a weekend visitation with the other parent. Do the kids stay at their primary residence on Friday night and just go to the game with their primary caregiver before leaving with the other parent, or would they come in with the other parent after leaving for visitation the night before?

Step Three: Think of Logistics

Once you have the loose schedule made, think about the logistics. Some activities might be closer to you than to your ex-partner so it may be easier to create visitation days around those activities for logistics. For instance, if music class is 10 minutes from your house but 45 minutes from your ex-partners every Thursday evening, you may want to shift a 50/50 arrangement so that you always have the child on that Thursday evening so there is less rushing to do for the other parent and vice versa.

It may seem like a minor thing but not having to lose a lot of one on one time with your kids through thinking of the kids’ activities in relation to where everyone is living will actually build a positive relationship. Everyone will feel like they are getting ample quality time with the kids, regardless of how busy the schedule is.

Step Four: Explore the Custody Agreement

If you have drafted a custody agreement, or it has been court ordered, make sure you explore the ins and outs of it to meet the agreement. This will help prevent any problems in the future with custody agreements and will also give your kids a lot of stability.

If there are set days of the weeks in the court agreement, you’ll have to stick to that, unless there is room for adjustments if both parents agree. If the agreement is down to numbers such as 50/50, 40/60, etc., you can simply plan the schedule so it works best with everyone’s schedules, including choosing time when parents have days off to possibly reduce expenses of childcare or to have those full days with the kids.

One thing to note, if you have people who do pick up and drop off, or after school childcare, make sure you factor that into the schedule as well since they will be an important part of your support team as co-parents.

Step Five: Discuss the Schedule with Your Kids

This varies depending on the age of your kids but, if they are old enough, take the time to discuss the schedule with them. I always recommend discussing this when the schedule has been drafted and take their thoughts into consideration. On things that can be changed to reflect their needs and wants, make those changes. On things that can’t be changed, sit down and discuss why it can’t be changed and why it was decided to work in this manner.

Unfortunately, kids may not like all the things in the schedule but knowing that they’ve been heard and considered really does help them with accepting the schedule.

Step Six: Test Drive that Schedule

Once you have finished drafting the schedule, it’s time to test drive it. This varies depending on the family, but I always recommend testing it for 1 to 3 months. Make note of what works, what doesn’t work and what things could use some refining. A great way to do this is through a communication journal.

Every month, go over what was working and can stay, what still needs to be looked at and what needs to be changed completely. By doing this, you can really set the schedule so it works for your kids. Even after you have it fine tuned, take the time every 6 months or so to go through the schedule and adjust it by what has changed —you may even have to do it more than every six months with changing activities through the year, changes to work and so on. If there is a major change, review the schedule and adjust as needed. By following these steps, you can create a schedule that not only works for your family but is tailored to its unique and individual needs. And creating a working custody schedule will also help in building a positive co-parenting relationship between you and your ex.

Co-parenting is a difficult task. After a breakup or divorce, parents’ emotions may run high, making it difficult for them to work together for their children’s sake. You may expect to err. All of us do. Real maturity consists of admitting guilt and making atonement when wrongdoing has been done. This will not only set a good example for your children to follow when they encounter challenges in life, but it will also demonstrate your commitment to being the best parent you can be.

Don’t Respect Boundaries

We recently encountered a mother who, to facilitate her ex-husband’s increased contact with the children, was planning to allow him to see the children in her home. They used to live in this home together. She often returned home to discover him occupying her bed with the kids. Despite her best efforts to explain to him otherwise, he refused to stop violating the limit she had set and refused to accept that the room was no longer his. His spare time with his family suddenly evaporated.  Although this seems like an extreme example, the same thing might happen if you don’t pay attention to limits.

Losing your temper

Divorce may make it difficult to set your wants and feelings aside and concentrate on your children’s best interests while co-parenting. You’ll inevitably lose your cool as a co-parent. Your co-parent, second only to your kids, is an expert at getting under your skin. Their words and actions may sometimes provoke you, causing you to lose perspective and control over your actions and emotions. It may be your fault occasionally, or it may be theirs.

Keep Children and Money Entangled

It requires self-control to avoid falling into this trap. Some states calculate child support based on how often each parent sees their kid. Although there are positive outcomes to this strategy, it teaches parents to combine child care with financial concerns. When disputes include both finances and parenting time, finding a solution might seem like going through the divorce process all over again.

Don’t be afraid to admit it when you’re wrong. If one parent is in the wrong and the other does not accept an apology, that parent should nonetheless make one. As a bonus, you’ll be setting a good example for your kids about how to handle disagreement and the value of being able to acknowledge when you’re wrong. An additional benefit is that you and your co-parent may begin to establish communication channels and provide an example of cooperative parenting.

Making it more about the power struggle than the children

Emotions might run high after a divorce or separation. Even the most caring parent may unintentionally use their kid to get revenge on their ex. Some parents may flout the rules or go beyond presents to seem more “fun” than their counterparts. Staying up late for ice cream or a trip to the toy shop are two simple ways that parents may make their kids happy. Refusing to make adjustments to the parenting plan when they are asked is another frequent error. It’s common for parents to defend their kids’ “unreasonable” demands or to gripe about not being given enough warning. It’s easy to slip into the trap of playing “gotcha” with other parents, and it may be difficult to detect this behavior in yourself.

Using Your Child As A Messenger Or Requesting Their Allegiance

Divorced parents often make the mistake of continuing to talk about their children with one another. You may wish to avoid your ex as much as possible once the divorce or separation is completed. However, you and your child’s other parent will still be working together for some time. It’s tempting to use your kid as a messenger between you and the other parent when you’re running late for the pick-up or just want to get something off your chest. But by doing so, you are expecting your kid to be emotionally mature enough to handle the other parent’s reaction. In addition to demonstrating your continued disagreement, this will leave your youngster feeling torn. Another pitfall is pressuring a youngster to take a stance on contentious issues like who to spend the holidays with or who to see in the event of a scheduling problem. If you give your kids a say in major life choices, you may feel like you’re being fair, but in reality, you’re placing a lot of pressure on them.

How can you avoid making these co-parenting mistakes?

Know your triggers

Identifying your triggers is an important first step. Do you hate it when pick-ups are late? Is the lack of discipline in the other parent’s home a source of anger for you? Tired of constantly replacing misplaced clothing and accessories? Frustrated by the constant eye roll? Once you’ve identified your triggers, you’ll be better able to exercise self-awareness and control over your reaction to stressful situations.

Prepare yourself for the times when things don’t go as planned

Once you and your partner have settled on a set of ground rules, you may discuss how to proceed if one parent violates them. Essentially, you’ll want to make it clear that you’ll each be allowed to hold the other parent to the terms of the agreement and to name names if one of you breaks them. You may come to an understanding along the lines of “Let’s try to keep within our ground rules.” If one parent gets too agitated, having a backup plan is important. Maybe you may agree that it would be better to take a break from the conversation and resume it when everyone’s emotions are more stable. It’s important to prepare for the inevitable unpleasant days since we all experience them.

Apologize

Make sure your apologies come from a place of genuine regret and contrition when you’ve done wrong. To go from an aggressive co-parenting relationship to one that is more businesslike and courteous, an apology may work wonders.

Conclusion

Divorce and separation may be difficult for both parents. There will be occasions when you lose control of your emotions, namely your rage. Remember your promise to your kids, own up to your faults, and do everything you can to put them first while still growing as a parent despite the setback.

Custody schedules. They can make or break a co-parenting relationship. The reason? Custody schedules are a difficult task to do. They often bring up a lot of emotions that co-parents have to navigate through, along with some situations that can be uncomfortable for everyone—including those shared events where both parents have to be present. Once they are made, co-parenting schedules can still have a lot of hiccups, which is why the 2houses app and digital platform is a must have tool for any parents who are separating or divorcing.

So what is so good about 2houses when it comes to managing custody schedules? The answer is really everything. 2houses was designed by a divorced father to make co-parenting with his ex much easier and to minimize the tension between them. Since custody schedules can often be one of the biggest areas where there are tension between parents and 2houses can help reduce that tension.

But while the app is easy to use, there are a few tips that will make the app even more successful with managing those custody schedules.

Tip Number One: Use the Repeat Event Function

Unlike a lot of apps, 2houses allows you to repeat the same event easily. Simply program it in and hit the dates that it will be repeating (such as every week or every day), then save the event. This can be a time saver and really helps with keeping you organized in as easy a way as possible. A lot of other co-parenting apps need even repetitive events to be programmed in, which can take a lot of time.

While it may not seem like a big deal, repetitive events, such as scheduled visitation, happen a lot with custody schedules and can be daunting to constantly enter. So let 2houses make custody schedules easy.

Tip Number Two: Negotiate through the App

Another great way to be successful at managing your custody schedule with 2houses is to let the app do the negotiating whenever schedules need to change. Let’s face it, while the focus is on what is best for our kids, sometimes things happen and we end up needing to cancel or shift schedules slightly, such as work commitments. That doesn’t mean that you have to give up time with your kids. What it means is that you need to renegotiate so that schedules can shift.

2houses is perfect for this. You can make a request for changes in schedule, such as needing to shift vacation time with your kids, right on the app without having to do it in person. The other parent will get the notification that a request has been made and can agree, make a different suggestion or decline. With the app, you can do all your negotiating digitally and that can avoid a lot of the tension that can come with shifts in custody schedules.

Tip Number Three: Let the App Do the Reminding

Like negotiating schedules, the 2houses app is great at making it so parents don’t have to give each other reminders. In fact, reminders can be set in the app so that parents can remember important events when they are scheduled to attend. In addition, when you have to send notes to each other, the app will send a notification to the other parent so they know that it is there.

Finally, reminders and notifications can be sent to the kids directly since 2houses is kid friendly and can be used by everyone in the family to track schedules. So if something changes in the custody schedule, you can put a note in the journal so your kids will see it too, creating stability for them in their schedules.

Tip Number Four: Send Notes Through the App

This touches on the last point but you can send notes to your kids and to your co-parent through the app. That means that you can always communicate directly and, since the app saves the communication, you will be able to have a paper trail of those messages if you ever need them for court.

Being able to send notes, you can let the other parent know if you are going to be late or if the schedule needs to change. Another great thing with the app is that you can send notes and journal about what has happened during your visitation days. This is great for parents to stay connected since transition times when kids go from one house to the other can be quite hectic and it’s easy to forget things.

The notes allow for the best communication and will help you manage both your co-parenting relationship and your custody schedule.

Tip Number Five: Let your Kids have Input

Finally, as mentioned, the kids can go and look at the journal, calendar and many sections of the 2houses app. This allows them to see what is happening with their schedules as well as have input into their schedule. Things may be happening in the kids’ lives as well, such as wanting to attend a birthday party, and they can enter that into the schedule to get both parents signing off on it, even when it cuts into visitation times.

By letting the kids have a way to give input into the custody schedule, you are letting them feel like they have some control in a situation where they often have very little. This will nurture their health and well being and will build their confidence as they navigate through separation and divorce.

In the end, the 2houses app provides families with ways to manage and navigate the custody schedule without a lot of the tension that can come with it. When you follow these tips, you can ensure that your custody schedule is optimized and you will find that life between two houses will be easier for you, your children and your ex-partner…and that is what we all want—ways to make life easier, especially at the most difficult of times.

When parties to a divorce have a kid with special needs, negotiating child custody, visitation rights, financial support, and property division becomes more difficult. As part of the divorce process, you should make sure that you take a comprehensive look at the unique needs of your child. As co-parents, the purpose is to address the specific situation of the kid to alter the course of the child’s life favorably. 

Every plan must provide the child with appropriate medical care, educational opportunities, and social activities. Children with special needs should be given the same chances as children who do not have special needs; nevertheless, these opportunities may need to be provided differently. To learn more about how to Co-parent a child with special needs after getting a divorce, stay on this resource.

Tips for Co-parenting Special Needs Children after Divorce

When it comes to determining the best course of action for a parenting plan after divorce, a lot of things have to be taken into consideration. The following are helpful tips for co-parenting a child with special needs after a divorce: 

Visitation Rights 

Co-parents are responsible for considering the possibility that the child with special needs requires a more stable schedule. The typical visitation arrangement for children involves the youngster going back and forth between the two parents’ homes regularly. This routine may be too stressful for a child who has special needs. Instead of scheduling brief visits with each parent regularly, it may be more beneficial to schedule lengthier visits with each parent. 

Some children have behavioral issues whenever they deviate from a previously set schedule. Therefore, co-parents need to work together to establish comparable routines. This is to make the transfer between homes go more smoothly. It is also essential that houses and medical facilities be located close. The strategy ought to include the method for housing and transmitting specialized equipment, monitoring devices, medication, and the like from one family to another.

Social Activities

The social life of a child with special needs is vital, and divorce should not affect their lifestyle. It is essential for the general development and maturation of children with special needs to participate in social and recreational activities. These activities should be enjoyable for them. In addition to contributing to their overall social and physical development, recreational sports and activities like art classes also play an essential role. Co-parents are entitled to an equal say in the scheduling, transportation, and participation decisions regarding their children’s extracurricular activities. The parenting plan should include the activities that have been agreed upon and the costs associated with those activities.

Planning Finances

When a couple decides to divorce, one of the primary concerns will sever their financial ties to one another. Most parents are concerned about their children’s futures and whether or not they will be able to maintain two households on one income. If one parent providing more care for the kid with special needs works from home, the financial worries may be even more intense. After the age of 18, your child will still require care. You must include financial provisions for him in the marital settlement agreement. 

In addition to the public assistance and government benefits that are available, you should talk about establishing a special needs trust. Your attorney may also be able to advise you on additional strategies to provide for your child. These include setting up a gifting plan or purchasing long-term care insurance. You can also specify, as part of your estate planning, whether the successor trustee has the authority to change the way the trust is managed if need be. This is something you can do if you want to make sure that the trust continues to be managed in the same manner, even if those conditions change.

Arranging Siblings’ Bonding Time

It is possible that your child with special needs may not adjust to the same custody routine as your other children while you are working out your parenting plan. In most cases, siblings maintain a consistent pattern when traveling between their parents’ residences. As a result, they can cultivate a strong sibling support system because they are always with one another. If one parent’s work is the only one that allows them the flexibility to manage their appointments, then it may make more sense for that parent to spend the majority of parenting time with the child. There is a possibility that an equal parenting-time plan will not be feasible for your family in the same way that it is for other families. Parents with special needs children need to know the importance of sibling bonding time and make adequate provisions.

Getting Outside Support

It is common practice to seek assistance from both within and outside of the family while raising a child who has special needs. Other members of the family may play an essential part in giving care. In addition, experts such as physicians, nurses, or teachers can lend a helping hand when it comes to taking care of a child who has special needs. Co-parents need to reach out to the people mentioned above for support. Your family may find that having the help of professionals is excellent assistance as they navigate this adjustment period. It is vital to make sure that these people are aware of everything that is going on with your child.

Conclusion

Co-parenting a kid who has special needs can be a difficult task, especially after or during the process of a divorce. Nevertheless, there are innovative approaches that co-parenting families can take to serve their children’s best interests. The ideas mentioned above are just a few examples to help special needs children remain unaffected in case of divorce. Families with special needs children should remember that specialists can assist with these concerns and more with the resources at their disposal. With the right plans in place, what seems too complicated a situation can be made easy.

Getting a divorce can be an emotionally trying experience for everyone concerned. Children frequently have the experience of being caught in the drama, and the tension that they feel can hurt their academic performance. However, things do not have to be as bleak as they appear. With clear communication, thoughtful preparation, a heightened awareness of potential problems, and sufficient time, academic challenges may be overcome.

Parents can develop healthy, supportive relationships throughout the school years. It is essential to have a realistic ideal standard in place to guarantee that everyone will accomplish their planned commitments and your larger-scale objectives for the year. Stay tuned to this post for further information on how to deal with problems that arise at school following a divorce.

Handling School-related Issues after Divorce

Divorce can significantly affect school arrangements if proper plans are not implemented. Here are tips for handling school-related Challenges after divorce:

Step up a School Year Calendar

It is essential to have a transparent understanding of who is in charge of taking sign-ups and maintaining the timetable. Some families find that retaining a shared family calendar is helpful.  For the children’s benefit, the parent managing the calendar can compile a list of essential weekly activities, which the children can quickly modify as needed. You and your ex-spouse must review the official school calendar for the entire year. Both parents can arrange for days off and early dismissals and determine who will be responsible for the children in the event of illness or other unforeseen circumstances. 

It is vital to have a conversation with your children about the extracurricular events and key school functions that they would like you to attend. By doing so, you can know how to mark your calendar accordingly. Ensure that you are set up to receive the proper school notifications and that your list of people to call in case of an emergency is up to date.

Plan for Extracurricular Events After School

Create a strategy for schoolwork and extracurricular activities. The most crucial step in reducing conflict and ensuring that everyone is on the same page regarding expectations is to plan. Assisting your child in concentrating on schoolwork also needs an effective plan. The more that can be written down, the better. This includes communication with teachers, household policies around schoolwork and television, who will attend school festivities, and even what children should wear to school. The same homework practices, down to the minutiae, should be agreed upon by both parents.

Parent-to-Parent Communication

Parents must agree on the academic preparation the child should receive while still in school. They should reach a consensus on who will take the child to visit colleges and what types of colleges the child will consider attending. Whoever takes the child should also agree to report back to the other parent. The parents reach a consensus on the children’s after-school activities as well. This includes the number of activities that will be participated in, who will pay for what, and how the children’s academic achievement and the parents’ concerns will impact the after-school activities.

Emotional Support

Outside of the environment of a public school, parents can continue to promote their child’s emotional adjustment by establishing routines at home. It is essential to help children experience the stability that is necessary for them to thrive. Having both divorced parents agree to the same afterschool routine can give their child a more profound feeling of foundation and security. In an ideal situation, children of divorced parents can adhere to the same standards about homework, playtime, and sleep.

Communication between Parents and Teachers

Parents can ask to speak with teachers, principals, school social workers, or guidance counselors. If a student spends time with both of their parents during the week, the student’s parents have the right and the responsibility to request two copies of everything. This includes report cards, school information, and even textbooks. Those students who are having difficulty with an assignment, such as sending in a photo of their family, should let their instructor know how difficult it was for them.

Financial Commitment

The beginning of each new school year often involves many different costs. There are divorced couples who agree to split each expense. Also, some do so in a manner that corresponds with the respective proportion of their income levels. There are also divorced couples who prefer to make a list of all of their expenses and then divide them. Consider carefully the amount of money that your children should put in, whether it be through an allowance, babysitting, or other tasks.

Both parents must be financially responsible, but it is even more essential in situations where the family’s assets and income are being shared between two people. In addition to being aware of and practical regarding the amount each family member ought to contribute to the costs, it is essential to be clear regarding the mechanics of signing up for activities and paying for them. This becomes an even more pressing concern when the children progress through the educational levels of middle school, high school, and college.

Divide your Child’s time appropriately

Make sure that your child gets adequate time with both parents. Children require time with both of their parents. The key to success in child custody agreements, including joint custody, is formulating a plan that enables the child to spend time with each parent. This is done without subjecting children to an excessive number of unnecessary transitions while in school. The children’s timetables, including when assignments are due, extracurricular activities, and emergency procedures, should be made known to both parents. This will ensure no surprises, which will significantly lessen the amount of stress experienced. The schedule ought to include well-defined requirements, but it should, at the same time, leave room for maneuverability.

Conclusion

There are tremendous implications of a divorce involving children. Parents must be actively engaged to ensure their children’s academic life doesn’t suffer. Children can experience emotional damage as a result of their parent’s divorce. But with the right plans and frequent parent-to-parent communication, ex-spouses can appropriately manage things. Also, if parents maintain constant contact with their children’s teachers, they can assist. A child will have an easier time adjusting to the dramatic changes accompanying divorce if parents communicate well with their child’s teacher.