Category: Co-parenting

Communication journals are a valuable tool that allow parents to communicate information in a brief, effective and to the point manner. By having the ability to use a communication journal, parents can be organized, and can often avoid many of the different scenarios, such as discussing expenses in face to face interactions, which can lead to conflict.

When we look at 2houses, we need to be aware of the whole app as a communication journal. Not only does it allow you to set calendars for visitation arrangements, appointments and other events happening for your children, but it also offers a budgeting feature, albums for apps and a specific communication journal. All of the features together help you become more organized, but the communication journal is the feature we will be focusing on because it has many benefits that will improve your co-parenting.

2houses Communication Journal Allows Families to Connect

During separation and divorce, the feeling of connectedness can be affected for both the parents and the children. Before the separation, kids had access to both parents, often on a daily basis unless work affected this. Afterward, parents and children quickly realize that that access is no longer guaranteed and there can be a significant length of time between visitations.

With this in mind, it is no wonder that parents can begin to feel isolated from their children and from the parenting role. The 2houses communication journal can help with feeling connected to your children in several ways, including having an album to share photos and albums, allows the parent and children to share messages and getting updates from the other co-parent that includes information on news, events and other needed information.

These feelings of connectedness help parents improve their co-parenting relationship. They know that they will still have indirect contact when children aren’t with them and this will enable co-parents to respect each other’s time with the children. This, in turn, can reduce stress and resentment between co-parents, which can make the relationship run smoother than without the 2houses communication journal.

2houses Communication Journal Creates a Sense of Stability for Children

As mentioned already, children have the opportunity to share on the communication journal. The app is very user friendly and this means that kids can use the app very easily. They can share the photos and videos that they’d like to share with the co-parent they are not with during the day, or even with parents where they are. They can also send quick messages to ground themselves.

By having ways to connect to both your children and their other parent, you can create a schedule, routines and rules that provide predictability for your children. And when you have that predictability, you will notice marked differences in your children’s emotional and mental well-being.

2houses Communication Journal Helps During Times of High Tension or Conflict

Another notable feature of the 2houses communication journal is that you can use it during those periods of co-parenting that are full of tension. This can occur during separation and divorce, especially during hearings and other court motions through which you are working. It can also happen later in co-parenting and may be caused by simple events that may not even have anything to do with the kids. For example, having to go through a move can add stress to one co-parent, which can lead to more opportunities for conflicts to occur because stress levels are on the rise.

With the 2houses communication journals, you or your ex-partner can take a step back and move to communication through the app only. This will help prevent conflict and you can recenter your focus to the needs of the children only. It is important to remember that the communication journal should focus on topics regarding the kids and not other arguments that you are having with your ex-partner.

Another point to mention in this category is that the 2houses communication journal allows parents to discuss conflict or tension topics in the communication journal. Some examples of this is changes in visitation dates, and expenses. By using the communication journal, you are less likely to fall into an argument than you would be if you were discussing this in person. As an aside, the budget feature on 2houses is an integral tool for dealing with shared expenses.

2houses Communication Journals Support Busy Schedules

Let’s face it, life is busy and having two houses for your children to switch back and forth from, it can be even busier. For that reason, it can be really difficult to meet to work on the co-parenting relationship. Sometimes, co-parents have only a few minutes as children transfer from one parent to the other…and with the kids being there, it can be difficult to really discuss important issues that parents need a few quiet moments to explore together. Which is why the 2houses communication journal can improve co-parenting because it allows a way for co-parents to mediate and work on their co-parenting relationship without having to set aside large amounts of time from their already busy schedule.

2houses Communication Journals Can Navigate Difficult Relationships

Finally, not everyone has good co-parenting relationships and may have to co-parent with an abusive or high-conflict ex-partner. In these instances, having an ability to communicate with that co-parent, in regard to the children, allows parents to focus on the kids without having to connect with each other. This keeps parents safe, prevents reverting to old patterns of abuse and creates safer dynamics within the co-parenting relationship. Communication isn’t always an easy step with co-parenting. There are so many factors that need to be taken into consideration but the 2houses communication journal offers a wide range of options that make communication easier. And when communication is flowing freely between co-parents, everyone will benefit and your co-parenting skills will only improve.

Dealing with the aftermath of a divorce is stressful under any circumstances, but doing so over the holiday season adds an extra layer of difficulty. It means spending more time with family members, some of whom may or may not be supportive of the significant changes you are making. It involves listening to opinions you did not ask for, even when the people offering them may have good intentions. It’s also possible that you won’t be able to participate in some rituals you enjoy.

The holidays and vacations typically increase the number of commitments, activities, and other demands on your time. When you factor in all of your usual activities, you may have a formula for disaster on your hands. Nevertheless, you can successfully manage the holidays after a divorce if you plan appropriately. Read this article to learn more details on this topic.

How to Handle Holidays After Getting Divorced

In the following paragraphs, you will find some helpful recommendations that can guide your decisions and preparation for the holidays after a divorce:

1.    Never Spend the Holidays Alone

Avoid going through the holidays by yourself after divorce. Although time spent by oneself can be very therapeutic, it is beneficial to the mind to socialize occasionally with other people and to make an effort to do so. You should try not to be alone with your thoughts for an excessive amount of time, and you should not avoid spending time with your family and friends. Spend as much time as possible with your loved ones during the holiday. This is to prevent your mind from wandering to your failed marriage and the possibilities it once held.

2.    Plan the holiday with your ex-spouse for your children

Cooperate with your ex-spouse so that the best interests of your children can be served.

Your children are the one thing that you and your ex-spouse will continue to share even after you’ve divorced one other. Nobody else is involved in the divorce save you and your spouse-to-be. Permit the youngsters to celebrate the holidays. If you and your ex-spouse work together toward a common objective, the holiday season can be as joyful for your children as it was in years past. Please find a way to maximize everyone’s enjoyment of the holidays so that everyone feels like they got their money’s worth.

3.    Create New Traditions

When there is a change in the dynamic of a family, new holiday traditions naturally emerge. Create brand new customs that are exclusive to your family. Experiment with something exciting and novel. During the holidays, it can be difficult for families that have been through a divorce. One strategy that can help is for the surviving family members to work together to start new family traditions. Single parents and their children should establish a new norm for themselves. Find out what your children want to do. Keep an open mind about new concepts. You could be the one to initiate something fresh that they will never forget.

4.    Maintain Discipline With Holiday Plans

When you finally have a plan, you should try to adhere to it. Remember that you are only one person and that you have certain constraints. Remember not to take on every responsibility. Do not pack your agenda to the point where you feel choked with duties. Ensure that there is room for flexibility. Take some time after each day to reflect briefly on the events. Keep doing what is working, and try to figure out why what you did before wasn’t working.

5.    Make Flexible Plans

Maintain your flexibility in the face of unforeseen scheduling conflicts. Swap shifts as much as you can so that the children can participate in activities that are important to them. Everyone will need to make adjustments to their typical holiday customs to remain healthy and safe. When it is not possible to change your parenting time plan, it is essential to be clear about the reasons why this is the case. You should also ensure that the cause is not simply that giving in to your ex-spouse would not make you happy.

6.    Plan for Gifting

Gift-giving is yet another aspect that can aggravate relationships throughout the holiday season. Many times, parents have varying gift budgets as well as different expectations regarding presents. Gifts received throughout the holiday season can also bring up legal custody problems. Before making significant purchases, you must discuss them with your ex-spouse if your co-parenting arrangement permits it. This will prevent arguments and feelings of letdown.

7.    Pay attention to other people

One more approach to have pleasure in the holiday season is to direct your attention to those who are less well off than you. You could think that you are the unluckiest person in the world at times. However, if you are willing to acknowledge that things are not as bad as they could be, you can make it through both your divorce and the holidays. Volunteering might be something you want to look into doing. When you focus on making the lives of those less fortunate than you more joyful, an incredible thing will happen. You will forget about your challenges and grow more appreciative of what you already have.

8.    Be Cheerful

When getting a divorce, it might appear strange to feel any emotion other than some form of distress. A divorce is a distressing experience that can nearly completely consume one’s life. Nevertheless, if you find that the holiday activities are making you feel happier, savor that emotion to the fullest. You have every right to be joyful and enjoy the holiday season just as much as everyone else.

Conclusion

Your life will go through a period of significant transition after divorce. Most people find that divorce and separation result in an increase in obligations and a drop in financial resources and free time. Make sure you take all of these things into consideration during the Christmas season. If you do, it will be much simpler for you to be realistic about your expectations for yourself, your family, and the holidays. Remember that you do not stand alone. If you are having trouble, you should think about going to a support group so that you may talk to other people who are going through the same problems that you are.

Conflict happens; after all, you are moving through a separation and divorce and that time is always high conflict and high tension. Of course, you don’t want that conflict when you are co-parenting your children for their well-being and happiness. But how do you manage that conflict? In this article, we will go over some amazing tips that will help you get through those high conflict moments in your co-parenting arrangements.

Before we look at those tips, it is important to stress that managing conflict quickly is very important for co-parenting. If you don’t manage that conflict in a mature and timely manner, it can cause more damage to the co-parenting relationship and can lead to more conflict occurring and a harder relationship overall. Tackling hard issues means that you and your ex-partner can focus on what’s important for the best interests of your kids.

Build a Foundation of Trust

This really isn’t something that you do in the middle of a conflict, but it is so important in managing conflict as you can move through it much faster when you have a foundation of trust. To do this, make sure that you are consistent and reliable in your co-parenting—give important updates quickly, make sure you are always on schedule for visitations, etc., and be honest about expenses. 

When you have trust, you will find that conflicts occur at a lower rate and are resolved much faster than when you don’t. 

Avoid Taking Offense

The second tip that you should always follow is to avoid taking offense for several reasons. First, the co-parent may only be trying to explain how they are feeling about a situation. Second, when you take offense, you end up being emotional as well, which can compound and complicate the conflict. Third, it is easier to really understand what the conflict is about without having to worry about being offended.

Sometimes, when you approach it in this manner, you realize that there are legitimate concerns. Even if the concerns aren’t, for your co-parent, they clearly are so you can approach it level-headed and help them see where the misunderstanding is or where you can both get to a resolution much faster than if you are both upset. 

Choose Communication that is Low-Conflict

Low-conflict communication should never be confused with being a pushover. What we mean when we say low conflict is that you stick to facts and avoid meeting your ex-partner with the same energy. If you become defensive or angry, it can lead to further conflicts and a breakdown of the co-parenting arrangement that you have.

In moments when you can’t be low conflict, take a step back. You want to avoid engaging in the similar manner. One analogy that many therapists make is that arguments and conflict is like stepping into a sandbox. For every minute you are in the sandbox arguing, you revert a year in age. Within 15 minutes, you are suddenly at the same emotional level as a teen (or younger) and it can become impossible to be rational after that point.

When you feel yourself being pulled into that sandbox, take a break. You are no longer together as partners and you can say, I need a few minutes to collect myself, or I can’t talk right now as I’m too upset. Once you are able to collect yourself, return to the conflict or, if you find it impossible not to match emotions, move to journal communication to avoid as much conflict as possible. 

Don’t Shy Away From Apologies

Finally, don’t shy away from apologizing. We all make mistakes and it is important to identify your own mistakes in a conflict. It might be a minor or reactionary mistake, but you should still apologize. 

Even if you don’t apologize, don’t play the blame game. Move away from it and say, this happened so how do we fix it for the kids. In addition, if you are not at fault at all, and are receiving the apology, try to accept the apology without any type of retaliatory behaviour. 

Once the apology is made, make sure that you do not hold grudges and encourage the same from your ex-partner. Grudges will only lead to more conflict and will harm the relationships you and your ex-partner have with your children.

What Should I do If my Ex-Partner is High Conflict?

First, we should let you know that it happens. Even with the best mediation that money can buy, some ex-partners can’t move behind the emotions they felt from getting divorced. Second, you shouldn’t force a relationship if your ex-partner is abusive and has continued that behaviour after the divorce. In that case, co-parenting apps, like 2houses, can make it much easier to navigate and avoid the ex-partner as needed. 

If your ex-partner is a high conflict co-parent, there are a few things that you should keep in mind.

1. Accept that he or she is high conflict. This can be difficult but when you accept it, you’ll find that you don’t have to control the outcome. All you need to do is focus on your own emotions, not step into the conflict and focus on the kids. The 2houses app works excellent in providing that space where you can manage your emotions or navigating your ex-partners without a lot of conflict.
2. Set boundaries for yourself. We often think of this is in boundaries that you tell your high conflict ex-partner about but it isn’t. These are boundaries that you are going to set just for you that you don’t have to let your ex-partner know. This can be that you won’t defend yourself. You won’t respond to messages right away, or you will only meet your ex-partner for child transfer with other people present. Having boundaries can keep you from reacting in a high conflict manner and may help reduce his or her high conflict tendencies.
3. Discuss things with your child. If your ex-partner is badmouthing you, it is important to not badmouth your ex back to the child, but neither should you just ignore the badmouthing. Kids can become scared by things said and if you don’t discuss it, they could believe it as truth. Discuss what was said, their emotions about it and if it was true, or partially true. You can tell them that their other parent is upset with you and sometimes, even adults say mean, hurtful things when they are upset. 

In the end, high conflict is not good for anyone in the relationship so it is important for you to correct these things before they go too far. Find ways to communicate with your co-parent through mediation or a mediation app like 2houses so you don’t feed into each other’s emotions. Once you can manage those conflicts quickly and efficiently, you can focus on enjoying the new dynamic you have with your children as a co-parent. 

During separation, negative emotions can be difficult to overcome for everyone involved. In fact, many times, parents tend to focus on their own emotions because separation often occurs because of a break down in the marriage. However, studies have shown that children suffer from a wide range of emotional repercussions during separation.

According to the Canadian Pediatric Society, separation, and later divorce, can lead to a number of negative outcomes` for Canadian children when it comes to their emotional, mental, psychosocial and physical well being. It is for this reason that Canadian parents should focus on emotionally supporting their children during separation…and this article explores the ways that you can support your children.

Emotionally Supporting Canadian Children while Discussing Separation

Before we launch into ways that you can support your children during the separation, it’s important to start at the beginning—the separation. Many parents struggle on whether to talk about the separation or how much to talk about the separation. In addition, the age of the children can make it confusing about what to tell them and what level will start to cause distress for the children.

The answer is complicated but regardless of what you tell your children, it is important to focus on their needs and emphasize that they are still loved. One of the many things that children feel during separation is parents leaving for good if they stop loving them. When telling your children about the separation, make sure you always focus on that fear and assure them that, no matter what, you will be there for them, even if you don’t live in the same house.

Other things that are recommended are:

1. Make a plan before telling your children. It is important to discuss when to talk, what to say and also who will be doing the majority of talking.
2. Avoid the blame game when telling your children. Even though emotions will be high at this point, you want to avoid blaming the other parent. Children need to be neutral in separation and should not be forced to choose sides or be resentful of one parent.
3. Allow the children to talk. One of the first steps to supporting them emotionally is to let them talk…and you don’t have to come up with solutions. Sometimes, kids just want to have their concerns heard, they don’t want a solution so only offer solutions if they ask a direct question. Give them the space and time they need to process the news.
4. Don’t get upset if children don’t react the way you expect. This doesn’t mean they don’t care but kids can focus on things that would seem strange to adults. They may be worried about where all their toys are going to stay or how they’ll have their bedtime stories if one parent always does it. This is their way of worrying about the separation, even if it doesn’t seem like it.
5. Make sure they understand they are not to blame. Many kids take the blame for a separation, even if they are older and understand it better. It is important to tell kids that they are not the reason for the separation and that it is an adult problem that they did nothing to cause.

Once you have discussed the separation with your children, many parents begin the process of separation, which includes moving to separate homes. It is in this time that it is important to continue to meet the children’s emotional needs.

Emotionally Supporting Canadian Children During the Separation

Now that you have started the separation, it can be a bit more difficult to emotionally support your child through the separation; however, it is imperative that you do so. While it may not seem necessary, it is recommended that you seek emotional support for your child through a trained professional. In Canada, some mental health supports are covered under the national health plan. To find services near you, it is recommended that you reach out to your family physician for a referral. From there, your family can be connected to the Canadian Mental Health Association that will link your children to important child and youth mental health services.

Having someone to speak to, other than their parents, can be one of the best emotional supports that you provide for your children during the separation as it gives them their own safe space to work through any emotions they might be afraid to discuss with you or your ex-partner.

Other ways to emotionally support your children during separation are:

1. Discuss visitation and living arrangements and how it will affect your children. Keep them informed on things as you both come to agreements. Kids don’t need to be asked what they’d prefer, unless they are older, but once you have discussed what visitations will look like and where kids will be living the majority of the time (or if you are splitting the time), let the kids know about it. The more they know about their routine, the more they will be able to cope with the emotions around the changes.
2. Keep those routines similar. Along with letting kids know where they will be, make sure that you keep routines as consistent to the way they were before you separated. If you need to make some routines different, try to gradually ease into those routine changes. The more predictability children have, the easier the transition will be for them emotionally.
3. Join support groups or organizations. If you can, find other families and children who spend their time between two homes. This can help normalize what is happening in your family and you can also get support and tips on co-parenting for yourself and your ex-partner.
4. Give them access to their old world. This relates to friends, aunts, uncles, cousins and the like. It is very common for kids to lose extended family and friends when a separation occurs due to the change in housing or family dynamics. When it is possible, allow them access to the old world. Be sure to schedule access during family events so they can stay connected to your side of the family. In addition, if the kids had to move, try to find ways for them to connect with their old friends. Having these additional connections can help them avoid feeling isolated and alone.
5. Keep your kids out of the battle. During separation, it can be easy to bring your kids into the battle by talking bad about the other parent, or using them to relay messages. This is very stressful for the children, forces them to chose sides and can increase their stress and does not provide any emotional support. Instead, keep conversations civil, don’t badmouth each other and communicate through a communication journal if you can’t have positive interactions.

As you can see, there are many ways that you can support your children during support, including Canadian supports through various Canadian organizations. By supporting them now, you can reduce the long term effects that can occur when children are not properly supported.

We’ve all been there. When emotions are high, it can be difficult to reach agreements that are mutually beneficial. And that is where meditation can step in. In this article, we will explore the benefits of mediation, specifically as it applies to UK family law.

What is Mediation?

Mediation, also known as mediation, is the process of hiring a mediator or mediators to work with the family as they sort through disputes. Mediation is an alternative to long court battles, which are often traumatic for all involved, very expensive, and damaging to the co-parenting relationship. However, when families mediate, they have lower costs and better outcomes, which benefits both partners and any children they have.

What is the Process of Mediation?

In the UK, mediation goes through a process starting with choosing a mediation firm and having a mediator assigned to their case. One thing that should be pointed out is that children can be involved in the mediation process through a method called child inclusive mediation, which allows children the chance to voice their own wants and needs.

Once the mediator is selected, the process of mediation begins. This usually follows a pretty standard series of steps, including:

• Step One: First call. This can be one call or a series between the mediator and each partner. During the call, the mediation process is explained and present concerns are documented, although there is no in-depth consultation at this point.
• Step Two: Mediation Information Assessment Meeting. Also known as MIAM, this meeting is between the mediator with to discuss the history of the family, the divorce or separation and for the mediator to go into more detail about the mediation process. This meeting is done on an individual basis and is completely confidential. What one parent shares is never shared with the other parent and vice versa.
• Step Three: Joint Meetings: This starts with the first joint meeting where they sign the Agreement to Mediate form and then discuss pressing issues that need to be dealt with quickly. Once that is set, an agenda is created. After the initial meeting, there will be additional joint meetings to review and set child custody, financials and other issues that are raised.

Mediation is not a quick process and depending on the scope of the agreement that needs to be made, it can mean many meetings until everything is properly ironed out.

How do Mediators Help?

Mediators can help you work through communication blocks but there are three documents that they can help set in place.

1. A parenting plan that goes over the arrangements for the children, who they will live with, visitation and the overall day-to-day care of the children/
2. Open financial statements will lay out the financial information of both parents in an open manner so it can be easier to discuss child support and shared expenses for the children.
3. Memorandum of understanding is a document that records discussion and decisions made.

This are all important documents that will ensure a smooth transition to co-parenting.

Who Pays for Mediation

With mediation, both partners would split the cost of mediation between them. This can be split evenly or partners could agree for one parent to pay more than the other depending on how finances were divided after the split (if finances, including shared wealth, hasn’t been split yet, it could be based on who is earning more).

One thing to mention is that mediation is not free; however, the UK has a program where families can get up to £500 to apply to the cost of mediation. This is called the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme that you can apply for, although it is not available to everyone.

3 Benefits of Meditation

Now that we have an understanding of what is involved with mediation, especially in the UK, let’s look at some of the benefits families will experience during the process of separation and divorce. These benefits will not only create solid agreements, but will allow you and your ex partner to build a solid co-parenting plan and relationship.

Benefit of Mediation Number One: Opens Communication

The biggest benefit of mediation in the UK is that mediators serve the function of opening up communication. Court hearings can create tensions that often shut down communication; however, a mediator is less formal and offers less tension.

Mediators have a key role to play in facilitating dialogue between both parents. When there are communication blocks, a mediator can make suggestions, encourage outcomes and keep communication flowing.

In addition to communication, studies have shown that when mediation is used to make a decision for co-parenting, that decision is more likely to be beneficial for all parties involved and parents are more likely to adhere to those decisions.

Benefit of Mediation Number Two: Mediation is Private

Another benefit that parents often don’t think about is that mediation is private. Unlike court proceedings, mediation can assist in your relationship being out in the public eye. In addition, many of the agreements that you make during mediation is protected by privacy laws, which means that they cannot be presented to the court in the event that mediation fails.

This privacy is important as it aids in encouraging both parties to be open and honest about all aspects of their marriage, the breakdown, the process that got them to mediation and their goals for co-parenting.

Benefit of Mediation Number Three: Cost          

Finally, the third benefit for mediation is that it is relatively cheap when you compare it to the costs of going to court over these disputes. Mediators make the process quick, they adhere to agendas and set a maximum number of sessions that you will have. This enables both partners to stay on task and to have control over the process, which they wouldn’t have if they were going to court.

It is important to reiterate that mediation is not free; however, if it works smoothly, it can save a lot of time and money for both parties involved.

Finding the best mediators is particularly important for this process to go smoothly; however, when you have excellent mediators, you will find that you are protected, your kids are taken care of, and you can focus completely on moving forward to a new relationship as co-parents. And that, in the end, is the greatest benefit of all with mediation to resolve co-parenting disputes.

When parents make the hard decision to separate, there are many things that they have to consider, especially when they have children together. Shared custody is a major step toward moving forward but it can be a bit difficult to navigate, which is why it is important to follow these tips to make the process of navigating shared custody easier for Australian parents.

What is Shared Custody?

Before we look at shared custody, it should be noted that under Australian law, it is referred to as shared parental responsibility to remove any negative connotations to the term custody, which implies ownership. Shared parental responsibility is when both parents share visitation rights, care, duties, powers, expenses, authority and responsibilities of their children; however, it should be noted that with Australian law, shared custody does not mean 50/50 rights, unless parents agree to it. In fact, parents can agree to a number of different arrangements for custody including:

• 50/50: A straightforward way to do 50/50 is alternating weeks.
• 60/40: 4 days with primary caregiver, 3 days with non-primary caregiver
• 80/20: 5.5 days with the primary caregiver, 1.5 days with non-primary caregiver. This arrangement also works great with alternating weekends.
• 2/2/3: 2 days with the start parent, 2 with the second parent, 3 with the start parent.
• 3/4/4/3: This is similar to 2/2/3 except the schedule switches every week so week 1, one parent gets 4 days and week 2, the other parent gets 4 days. It’s an option to have that 50/50 split but the kids won’t be gone for an entire week.

In addition to these arrangements, in Australia, many courts place the mother as the primary caregiver. However, stepparents can apply for parental responsibility and parental rights as can same sex partners.

Now that we know the laws around shared custody, let’s look at ways that you can navigate it smoothly.

Tip Number One: Focus on the Needs of the Kids

One of the first tips that every parent should follow when they are separating is to put aside a lot of their own emotions and focus on the needs of the kids. It can be difficult but if you both make a mutual decision to do this, you can avoid a lot of the tension, arguments and fights that happen when you are focused on your own needs during this challenging time.

If possible, try to get a formal child custody agreement in place as quickly as possible. Once you have the agreement, you can set up a schedule that works to the agreement and use 2houses to keep the schedule working.

Be sure to discuss with kids if they are older what their own wants and needs are. You can also let them know that some things they cannot decide on, but other things they can help with the decision. If kids feel heard during the process, they are able to adjust to the changes easier.

While you may need some mediation to work through emotions, or to use an app like 2houses to communicate through, never work through this stuff with your kids present. Avoid saying negative things about the other parent or arguing together. If you are having a tough time doing so, agree to use the app for communication until you are able to work through the emotions around your separation.

Tip Number Two: Set Boundaries

Boundaries can be difficult when you are used to having constant access to your child and your ex partner but it is something that you should set for the entire family. This means that when you child is with the other parent, you do not contact the child or break into their visitation time. Another point is that you need to set boundaries on how your relationship will be with your ex partner. If you are at a place where you can start doing activities with the kids together, then discuss what will work better for all. If you aren’t, keep your interactions with your ex partner strictly about the kids. This means not discussing other life events happening in each others’ lives. In the future, you may get to that point, but, for now, keep it separate.

Finally, make sure that you set boundaries for your kids that happen in both homes. Rules, schedules and so on should be agreed upon by both parents and followed exactly the same in both households. Stability is important in providing your children with the best transition from one home to two.

Tip Number Three: Use a Mediation App or Platform

Choose a mediation app or platform for you and your ex partner to use. When you have a mediator, you can reduce a lot of the tension that comes with it. In addition, you can organize schedules, balance shared expenses and keep your ex partner involved with all aspects of their child’s life. When you use a mediation app, such as 2houses, you are able to really focus on what matters, which is making sure that your kids are thriving even when they are living in two separate houses.

In addition, you can focus on your own needs as you move through separation without your children experiencing as much turmoil as they would if you and your ex partner continue having to work through conflict topics and tension.

While it may not seem like a lot, following these three tips can help ensure the transition from a single household to two separate ones goes smoothly. It will take time, and patience, but you can move forward and your children will appreciate the efforts that you are making to ensure that their well-being and happiness comes first.

Navigating can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be when you follow these tips and when you take the step to use 2houses.

Parenting…before I ever was a parent, I said to myself, I will never count to three…never. Kids will understand consequences of actions and because of how I’ll parent, we’ll never get to those counts. Then we ended up counting to three…and then, as I went through my separation and divorce, I found myself counting to get through my own emotions that were bubbling to the surface.

But I wanted to stop counting. Life happens and that means that sometimes, even with the best of intentions things don’t work out…just like when I started counting up to three to get my preschooler to listen.

And I realized that I needed to listen to be an effective co-parent. This meant listening to the needs of my kids, listening to the concerns of my ex partner and listening to what I wanted to achieve as well. And that achievement was a new normal where my ex partner and I could co-parent effectively.

Which brings me to 2houses. Not only did it really help set the tone for how my ex partner and I co-parent, but it also helped remove that tension that was leading to those moments when all I could do was count in an effort to reduce my frustration. So how did it help me co-parent effectively?

It Removed those Conflict Topics From Our Daily Communication

The first thing that 2houses did to help us co-parent effectively was to separate out those conflict topics through the use of the app. My ex partner and I could discuss finances, shared expenses and scheduling all through the app and it was incredibly easy to agree on things such as schedule changes that were needed.

With the platform dealing with those harder topics that usually bring out a lot of tension, we were able to focus any conversations we did have around the needs of the kids and we found that it was easier to have civil conversations during hand offs. We agreed to use the app for anything that could lead to a potential argument so when we were interacting, the kids didn’t see us fighting.

Created Predictability and Stability for Our Kids

While the calendar on the app really made it easy for us to create predictability for the kids, the other features on the platform allowed us to create stability. If things happened at one house or another, we could write journals to let the other parent know what happened. If a routine wasn’t working properly, we could send messages to problem solve it in the easiest manner possible.

This was important for us to create homes that had the same routines, rules and boundaries so our kids had the stability between two homes. They didn’t have additional stress by having constantly changing rules and routines as we were both on the same page.

Allowed our Kids to Stay Connected

While a major rule that we follow, and one that 2houses recommends for families, is never to infringe on the time parents are spending together, kids are kids. Sometimes, my kids wanted me when they were with my parent and vice versa. It is normal, especially since they are going through a transition like my ex partner and I were.

The 2houses platform was amazing for this because kids could initiate contact no matter where they were. We gave them each their own access to the platform and they could share messages and photos with my ex partner, and with me when they were not with me, as they wanted to. Because it was usually just quick messages back and forth, it doesn’t feel like our time is being cut into and the kids can touch base to recenter themselves as they need.

It helped us co-parent more effectively because we could really tune in on what our kids needed. We could also connect together when the kids were having a harder time with the separation and come up with strategies to ensure that they felt connected to both of us, even when they weren’t with us.

Balanced our Budgets so Money Stopped Being an Issue

I already mentioned this with conflict topics since money is one of the biggest conflict topics that you can face as co-parenting. Even with firm financial and child support agreements, finances can be a hard topic that causes a lot of conflicts between co-parents. Which is why 2houses really takes the stress out of finances.

With the app, we were able to keep track of all the monthly expenses that we had for the kids. These were routine expenses that we both agreed to share responsibility for as well as any emergency expenses that came up in the month. Plus, we could slot in things like year end field trips for the kids or when they needed new clothes.

We were also able to purchase those larger gifts together using the wish list feature in the finances and agreed to do the gift giving during a time when we were meeting for a handoff with the kids. It really did make the difference and created a new family dynamic for our kids where we were cooperating and co-parenting effectively.

While it hasn’t been 100% easy, 2houses offered a lot of options for us to step back and allow the platform to be the mediator. We were able to really stop taking shots at each other and realize that us separating, while not the easiest or anything we really wanted, was the best option for us and for our kids.

By using the platform, we were able to get back to the job of parenting and our kids have truly thrived in this new arrangement where they can feel the stability, and predictability we’ve forged through the app all while feeling the support that comes from two parents who love them—regardless of whether they are in the same home or not.

And for me, the only counting I’ve done is being able to count all the ways that 2houses has enabled me to co-parent effectively.

In the UK, parents have legal responsibilities as well as rights from the very moment they become parents. However, what many parents don’t understand is that those legal responsibilities and rights are maintained even if they are not the primary legal guardian. Not understanding your rights can complicate co-parenting so let’s take some time going over your legal rights, responsibilities (also known as parental responsibility) and how it applies to co-parenting in the UK.

What is Parental Responsibility?

In the UK, parental responsibility is a term that covers both the legal rights and responsibilities that parents have when it comes to their children. With parental responsibility, parents are required to cover two main roles for the child:

1. Provide a home
2. Protect and maintain

Protect and maintain covers a wide range of responsibilities that the child will need on the day to day. These are:

1. Providing medical care and treatment
2. Ensuring financial support of that child
3. Disciplining the child
4. Maintaining and caring for the child’s property
5. Providing education

Another responsibility, which is not usually under consideration during separation and divorce is the naming of the child; however, there is a legal right to being able to agree to any name changes of the child at any time. 

Parental responsibility is having a say in how your child is raised while also needing to maintain the basic needs of your child. 

Who Does Parental Responsibility Pertain To?

First, all mothers have parental responsibility from the moment of birth. This is only relinquished through adoption, and rarely through court processes that prove abuse. Fathers, however, do not always have parental responsibility, but there are a few ways that they can gain parental responsibility. These are:

1. Being named as the father (or other parent) on the birth certificate
2. Marriage to the child’s mother

It should be noted that where you are in the UK can affect the father’s parental responsibility. In the UK and Wales, if the parents are married when the child is born or adopted, they both have parental responsibility. In Scotland, this applies to children born or adopted when partners are married or get married after the child is born. And in Northern Ireland, it applies to marriage after the child is born only if the father resides in Northern Ireland at the time of the marriage.

One thing that should be mentioned is that same sex partners who are in a civil partnership at the time of the child’s birth have equal parental responsibility. However, if they were not, they would have to apply for parental responsibility. In the UK, parental responsibility can be applied for by fathers, same sex partners, and stepfathers/parents. In addition, there can be more than two adults who have parental responsibility of a child. 

If the mother is unwilling to agree to parental responsibility with her partner, it can be processed through a court order.

What is Parental Responsibility in Separation and Divorce?

Now that we understand parental responsibility and how it applies to fathers and mothers, it is important to quickly understand UK law around divorce and children. 

First, regardless of parental responsibility, historically, mothers often have more legal rights over the children than fathers do. This is because, traditionally, mothers have been seen as primary caregivers to their children and while these roles have been changing over the last few decades, fathers with equal parental responsibility may not be seen as equal caregivers.

Second, during court proceedings, courts tend to rule in favour of the mother for primary residence but this is not always the case.

Third, even if the primary home is not with the father, this does not diminish the legal rights of the father. Generally, day to day decisions based on care are the responsibility of the mother when she is the primary caregiver; however, major decisions have to be agreed upon by both parents.

Finally, if the primary home is with the father, it is important to note that a mother cannot be denied contact with her child or be denied the right to make decisions about her child. The only time a mother does not have that legal responsibility is, again, if abuse or neglect is proven or if the mother gives up her parental rights. 

What Does This Mean for Co-Parenting

Now that we know a lot of the legalities, what does that mean for co-parenting your child? There are a few things that you should know.

1. You have parental responsibility for your child, regardless of if you live with them or not. This means that all major decisions about your child’s life must include you and your ex-partner.
2. Routine decisions do not need permissions from both parents. While it makes it easier to have the permission of both, which makes the 2Houses app an essential tool for co-parenting, only one parent needs to give permission. For instance, if your child always spent Wednesday evenings with his grandparents, you would not need to get permission to continue this practice after the divorce.
3. Decisions should be made in writing. This is applied to major decisions. If you want to move abroad with your child, both parents have to agree to it in writing. These documents can be stored on the 2Houses app.
4. Child support is one of the responsibilities of parental responsibility and you and your ex-partner will have to discuss what those responsibilities will look like.

In the end, co-parenting can be agreed upon by court order. However, it is good for you to talk to your ex-partner of how you will split up the responsibilities, where the children will reside, visitation schedules and the finer details. Both parents have rights and responsibilities and the sooner they can come to an agreement on how that will be split after the divorce, the sooner life can return to a routine that where your children will thrive. 

Blending families after a divorce can be a complex and challenging process. However, it is increasingly common in today’s society. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 16% of children in the United States live in blended families.

The new family dynamic can be challenging, especially when step-parenting, new siblings, and competing loyalties are involved. However, building a strong and loving blended family is possible with the right mindset and approach. 

In this article, we’ll explore some tips and strategies for navigating the complexities of blended families after divorce, focusing on the USA’s divorced/separated parents.

Tips To Use in Adapting to New Family Dynamics 

Blending families after a divorce is a journey that requires patience, resilience, and understanding. It is a time of transition that involves getting to know new family members, learning to adapt to new family dynamics, and navigating new challenges. Below are a few tips to follow;

• Patience

Patience is one of the most important things to remember when blending families after divorce. It takes time to build relationships and create a sense of family. It’s essential to be open to the different personalities and dynamics that come with blending families and to be flexible and understanding when things don’t go according to plan.

• Establishing Clear Boundaries

Another vital aspect of blending families after divorce is establishing clear boundaries. This involves setting household rules, expectations, and responsibilities and ensuring everyone is on the same page. Clear communication is critical when establishing limitations, and ensuring everyone’s voices are heard is essential.

• Making Adjustments

In addition to communication, it’s also important to be open to feedback and willing to make adjustments when necessary. Blended families often comprise people from different backgrounds with different values and beliefs. Listening to different perspectives and adjusting your approach can help create a more harmonious family environment.

• Seeking Support

In addition to these tips, seeking support when needed is important. Blending families after divorce can be challenging, and it’s important to have a support system to help you navigate the ups and downs. This might include talking to a therapist or counselor, attending a support group, or contacting other blended families for advice and support.

Challenges to Face When Blending Families After Divorce 

1. Step-parenting

Step-parenting can be incredibly challenging when blending families after divorce. Step-parents may struggle to find their place in the family or feel like they are stepping on the toes of the biological parent. Step-parents must establish a positive relationship with their step-children while respecting the biological parent’s role in the family. This may involve finding common ground, setting boundaries, and finding ways to build trust and respect. 

Here are some tips to help step-parents and children build positive relationships:

• Build trust: Step-parents need to build trust with their step-children. This can be done by being consistent, following promises, and showing interest in their lives.

• Respect boundaries: It’s essential to respect the boundaries of the children and their biological parents. Stepping in too quickly or trying to discipline the children can create tension and conflict.

• Communicate openly: Communication is critical in any relationship but is imperative in blended families. Encourage open communication between all family members and ensure everyone feels heard and valued.

2. New Siblings 

Blended families after divorce can also involve the arrival of new siblings. This can be challenging for the latest and existing siblings, as they may need to learn to share their parents’ attention and resources. Parents must take the time to help their children adjust to the new family dynamics and encourage positive sibling relationships.

Here are some tips to help children adjust to new siblings:

• Encourage bonding: Encourage siblings to spend time together and get to know each other. This can be done through family activities, game nights, or outings.

• Respect individuality: It’s essential to recognize and respect the uniqueness of each child. Allow each child to have their interests and hobbies and make sure they feel valued for who they are.

• Avoid comparisons: Comparing children to each other can create tension and resentment. Instead, focus on each child’s strengths and encourage them to work together as a team.

• Blended families: Navigating the complexities of blending families after divorce, including step-parenting, new siblings, and competing loyalties

3. Competing Loyalties

Competing loyalties can also be a challenge when blending families after divorce. Children may feel caught between their loyalty to their biological parents and their loyalty to their new family members. Parents must create a safe and supportive environment where children feel free to express their feelings and concerns and provide reassurance and support as required.

Here are some tips to help manage competing loyalties:

• Encourage communication: Encourage open communication between all family members. This can help address any concerns or feelings of tension that may arise.

• Respect boundaries: It’s essential to respect the boundaries of the children and their biological parents. Allow them to maintain their relationship while building a new one with the step-parent.

• Create new traditions: Create new family traditions that involve everyone in the family. This can help create a sense of unity and belonging.

Benefits of Blended Families 

Blending families can be challenging for everyone involved but can also be a positive experience. Here are some benefits of blended families:

1. Increased Support 

Blended families can provide children with increased emotional and financial support. Children may have more adults who care for them and can provide support in times of need.

2. New Perspectives

Blended families bring together people from different backgrounds and experiences, providing opportunities to learn and grow from each other’s views.

3. Resilience

Blended families have the opportunity to develop stability and strength by overcoming challenges and working through difficulties.

Final Thoughts

Blending families after divorce is a challenging but rewarding process. You can build a strong and loving blended family by being patient, establishing clear boundaries, being open to feedback, and seeking support when needed. 

It’s important to remember that every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. Your blended family can become a strong and loving unit with time, patience, and a positive attitude.