Month: April 2023

We’ve all been there. When emotions are high, it can be difficult to reach agreements that are mutually beneficial. And that is where meditation can step in. In this article, we will explore the benefits of mediation, specifically as it applies to UK family law.

What is Mediation?

Mediation, also known as mediation, is the process of hiring a mediator or mediators to work with the family as they sort through disputes. Mediation is an alternative to long court battles, which are often traumatic for all involved, very expensive, and damaging to the co-parenting relationship. However, when families mediate, they have lower costs and better outcomes, which benefits both partners and any children they have.

What is the Process of Mediation?

In the UK, mediation goes through a process starting with choosing a mediation firm and having a mediator assigned to their case. One thing that should be pointed out is that children can be involved in the mediation process through a method called child inclusive mediation, which allows children the chance to voice their own wants and needs.

Once the mediator is selected, the process of mediation begins. This usually follows a pretty standard series of steps, including:

• Step One: First call. This can be one call or a series between the mediator and each partner. During the call, the mediation process is explained and present concerns are documented, although there is no in-depth consultation at this point.
• Step Two: Mediation Information Assessment Meeting. Also known as MIAM, this meeting is between the mediator with to discuss the history of the family, the divorce or separation and for the mediator to go into more detail about the mediation process. This meeting is done on an individual basis and is completely confidential. What one parent shares is never shared with the other parent and vice versa.
• Step Three: Joint Meetings: This starts with the first joint meeting where they sign the Agreement to Mediate form and then discuss pressing issues that need to be dealt with quickly. Once that is set, an agenda is created. After the initial meeting, there will be additional joint meetings to review and set child custody, financials and other issues that are raised.

Mediation is not a quick process and depending on the scope of the agreement that needs to be made, it can mean many meetings until everything is properly ironed out.

How do Mediators Help?

Mediators can help you work through communication blocks but there are three documents that they can help set in place.

1. A parenting plan that goes over the arrangements for the children, who they will live with, visitation and the overall day-to-day care of the children/
2. Open financial statements will lay out the financial information of both parents in an open manner so it can be easier to discuss child support and shared expenses for the children.
3. Memorandum of understanding is a document that records discussion and decisions made.

This are all important documents that will ensure a smooth transition to co-parenting.

Who Pays for Mediation

With mediation, both partners would split the cost of mediation between them. This can be split evenly or partners could agree for one parent to pay more than the other depending on how finances were divided after the split (if finances, including shared wealth, hasn’t been split yet, it could be based on who is earning more).

One thing to mention is that mediation is not free; however, the UK has a program where families can get up to £500 to apply to the cost of mediation. This is called the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme that you can apply for, although it is not available to everyone.

3 Benefits of Meditation

Now that we have an understanding of what is involved with mediation, especially in the UK, let’s look at some of the benefits families will experience during the process of separation and divorce. These benefits will not only create solid agreements, but will allow you and your ex partner to build a solid co-parenting plan and relationship.

Benefit of Mediation Number One: Opens Communication

The biggest benefit of mediation in the UK is that mediators serve the function of opening up communication. Court hearings can create tensions that often shut down communication; however, a mediator is less formal and offers less tension.

Mediators have a key role to play in facilitating dialogue between both parents. When there are communication blocks, a mediator can make suggestions, encourage outcomes and keep communication flowing.

In addition to communication, studies have shown that when mediation is used to make a decision for co-parenting, that decision is more likely to be beneficial for all parties involved and parents are more likely to adhere to those decisions.

Benefit of Mediation Number Two: Mediation is Private

Another benefit that parents often don’t think about is that mediation is private. Unlike court proceedings, mediation can assist in your relationship being out in the public eye. In addition, many of the agreements that you make during mediation is protected by privacy laws, which means that they cannot be presented to the court in the event that mediation fails.

This privacy is important as it aids in encouraging both parties to be open and honest about all aspects of their marriage, the breakdown, the process that got them to mediation and their goals for co-parenting.

Benefit of Mediation Number Three: Cost          

Finally, the third benefit for mediation is that it is relatively cheap when you compare it to the costs of going to court over these disputes. Mediators make the process quick, they adhere to agendas and set a maximum number of sessions that you will have. This enables both partners to stay on task and to have control over the process, which they wouldn’t have if they were going to court.

It is important to reiterate that mediation is not free; however, if it works smoothly, it can save a lot of time and money for both parties involved.

Finding the best mediators is particularly important for this process to go smoothly; however, when you have excellent mediators, you will find that you are protected, your kids are taken care of, and you can focus completely on moving forward to a new relationship as co-parents. And that, in the end, is the greatest benefit of all with mediation to resolve co-parenting disputes.

When parents make the hard decision to separate, there are many things that they have to consider, especially when they have children together. Shared custody is a major step toward moving forward but it can be a bit difficult to navigate, which is why it is important to follow these tips to make the process of navigating shared custody easier for Australian parents.

What is Shared Custody?

Before we look at shared custody, it should be noted that under Australian law, it is referred to as shared parental responsibility to remove any negative connotations to the term custody, which implies ownership. Shared parental responsibility is when both parents share visitation rights, care, duties, powers, expenses, authority and responsibilities of their children; however, it should be noted that with Australian law, shared custody does not mean 50/50 rights, unless parents agree to it. In fact, parents can agree to a number of different arrangements for custody including:

• 50/50: A straightforward way to do 50/50 is alternating weeks.
• 60/40: 4 days with primary caregiver, 3 days with non-primary caregiver
• 80/20: 5.5 days with the primary caregiver, 1.5 days with non-primary caregiver. This arrangement also works great with alternating weekends.
• 2/2/3: 2 days with the start parent, 2 with the second parent, 3 with the start parent.
• 3/4/4/3: This is similar to 2/2/3 except the schedule switches every week so week 1, one parent gets 4 days and week 2, the other parent gets 4 days. It’s an option to have that 50/50 split but the kids won’t be gone for an entire week.

In addition to these arrangements, in Australia, many courts place the mother as the primary caregiver. However, stepparents can apply for parental responsibility and parental rights as can same sex partners.

Now that we know the laws around shared custody, let’s look at ways that you can navigate it smoothly.

Tip Number One: Focus on the Needs of the Kids

One of the first tips that every parent should follow when they are separating is to put aside a lot of their own emotions and focus on the needs of the kids. It can be difficult but if you both make a mutual decision to do this, you can avoid a lot of the tension, arguments and fights that happen when you are focused on your own needs during this challenging time.

If possible, try to get a formal child custody agreement in place as quickly as possible. Once you have the agreement, you can set up a schedule that works to the agreement and use 2houses to keep the schedule working.

Be sure to discuss with kids if they are older what their own wants and needs are. You can also let them know that some things they cannot decide on, but other things they can help with the decision. If kids feel heard during the process, they are able to adjust to the changes easier.

While you may need some mediation to work through emotions, or to use an app like 2houses to communicate through, never work through this stuff with your kids present. Avoid saying negative things about the other parent or arguing together. If you are having a tough time doing so, agree to use the app for communication until you are able to work through the emotions around your separation.

Tip Number Two: Set Boundaries

Boundaries can be difficult when you are used to having constant access to your child and your ex partner but it is something that you should set for the entire family. This means that when you child is with the other parent, you do not contact the child or break into their visitation time. Another point is that you need to set boundaries on how your relationship will be with your ex partner. If you are at a place where you can start doing activities with the kids together, then discuss what will work better for all. If you aren’t, keep your interactions with your ex partner strictly about the kids. This means not discussing other life events happening in each others’ lives. In the future, you may get to that point, but, for now, keep it separate.

Finally, make sure that you set boundaries for your kids that happen in both homes. Rules, schedules and so on should be agreed upon by both parents and followed exactly the same in both households. Stability is important in providing your children with the best transition from one home to two.

Tip Number Three: Use a Mediation App or Platform

Choose a mediation app or platform for you and your ex partner to use. When you have a mediator, you can reduce a lot of the tension that comes with it. In addition, you can organize schedules, balance shared expenses and keep your ex partner involved with all aspects of their child’s life. When you use a mediation app, such as 2houses, you are able to really focus on what matters, which is making sure that your kids are thriving even when they are living in two separate houses.

In addition, you can focus on your own needs as you move through separation without your children experiencing as much turmoil as they would if you and your ex partner continue having to work through conflict topics and tension.

While it may not seem like a lot, following these three tips can help ensure the transition from a single household to two separate ones goes smoothly. It will take time, and patience, but you can move forward and your children will appreciate the efforts that you are making to ensure that their well-being and happiness comes first.

Navigating can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be when you follow these tips and when you take the step to use 2houses.

Parenting…before I ever was a parent, I said to myself, I will never count to three…never. Kids will understand consequences of actions and because of how I’ll parent, we’ll never get to those counts. Then we ended up counting to three…and then, as I went through my separation and divorce, I found myself counting to get through my own emotions that were bubbling to the surface.

But I wanted to stop counting. Life happens and that means that sometimes, even with the best of intentions things don’t work out…just like when I started counting up to three to get my preschooler to listen.

And I realized that I needed to listen to be an effective co-parent. This meant listening to the needs of my kids, listening to the concerns of my ex partner and listening to what I wanted to achieve as well. And that achievement was a new normal where my ex partner and I could co-parent effectively.

Which brings me to 2houses. Not only did it really help set the tone for how my ex partner and I co-parent, but it also helped remove that tension that was leading to those moments when all I could do was count in an effort to reduce my frustration. So how did it help me co-parent effectively?

It Removed those Conflict Topics From Our Daily Communication

The first thing that 2houses did to help us co-parent effectively was to separate out those conflict topics through the use of the app. My ex partner and I could discuss finances, shared expenses and scheduling all through the app and it was incredibly easy to agree on things such as schedule changes that were needed.

With the platform dealing with those harder topics that usually bring out a lot of tension, we were able to focus any conversations we did have around the needs of the kids and we found that it was easier to have civil conversations during hand offs. We agreed to use the app for anything that could lead to a potential argument so when we were interacting, the kids didn’t see us fighting.

Created Predictability and Stability for Our Kids

While the calendar on the app really made it easy for us to create predictability for the kids, the other features on the platform allowed us to create stability. If things happened at one house or another, we could write journals to let the other parent know what happened. If a routine wasn’t working properly, we could send messages to problem solve it in the easiest manner possible.

This was important for us to create homes that had the same routines, rules and boundaries so our kids had the stability between two homes. They didn’t have additional stress by having constantly changing rules and routines as we were both on the same page.

Allowed our Kids to Stay Connected

While a major rule that we follow, and one that 2houses recommends for families, is never to infringe on the time parents are spending together, kids are kids. Sometimes, my kids wanted me when they were with my parent and vice versa. It is normal, especially since they are going through a transition like my ex partner and I were.

The 2houses platform was amazing for this because kids could initiate contact no matter where they were. We gave them each their own access to the platform and they could share messages and photos with my ex partner, and with me when they were not with me, as they wanted to. Because it was usually just quick messages back and forth, it doesn’t feel like our time is being cut into and the kids can touch base to recenter themselves as they need.

It helped us co-parent more effectively because we could really tune in on what our kids needed. We could also connect together when the kids were having a harder time with the separation and come up with strategies to ensure that they felt connected to both of us, even when they weren’t with us.

Balanced our Budgets so Money Stopped Being an Issue

I already mentioned this with conflict topics since money is one of the biggest conflict topics that you can face as co-parenting. Even with firm financial and child support agreements, finances can be a hard topic that causes a lot of conflicts between co-parents. Which is why 2houses really takes the stress out of finances.

With the app, we were able to keep track of all the monthly expenses that we had for the kids. These were routine expenses that we both agreed to share responsibility for as well as any emergency expenses that came up in the month. Plus, we could slot in things like year end field trips for the kids or when they needed new clothes.

We were also able to purchase those larger gifts together using the wish list feature in the finances and agreed to do the gift giving during a time when we were meeting for a handoff with the kids. It really did make the difference and created a new family dynamic for our kids where we were cooperating and co-parenting effectively.

While it hasn’t been 100% easy, 2houses offered a lot of options for us to step back and allow the platform to be the mediator. We were able to really stop taking shots at each other and realize that us separating, while not the easiest or anything we really wanted, was the best option for us and for our kids.

By using the platform, we were able to get back to the job of parenting and our kids have truly thrived in this new arrangement where they can feel the stability, and predictability we’ve forged through the app all while feeling the support that comes from two parents who love them—regardless of whether they are in the same home or not.

And for me, the only counting I’ve done is being able to count all the ways that 2houses has enabled me to co-parent effectively.

In the UK, parents have legal responsibilities as well as rights from the very moment they become parents. However, what many parents don’t understand is that those legal responsibilities and rights are maintained even if they are not the primary legal guardian. Not understanding your rights can complicate co-parenting so let’s take some time going over your legal rights, responsibilities (also known as parental responsibility) and how it applies to co-parenting in the UK.

What is Parental Responsibility?

In the UK, parental responsibility is a term that covers both the legal rights and responsibilities that parents have when it comes to their children. With parental responsibility, parents are required to cover two main roles for the child:

1. Provide a home
2. Protect and maintain

Protect and maintain covers a wide range of responsibilities that the child will need on the day to day. These are:

1. Providing medical care and treatment
2. Ensuring financial support of that child
3. Disciplining the child
4. Maintaining and caring for the child’s property
5. Providing education

Another responsibility, which is not usually under consideration during separation and divorce is the naming of the child; however, there is a legal right to being able to agree to any name changes of the child at any time. 

Parental responsibility is having a say in how your child is raised while also needing to maintain the basic needs of your child. 

Who Does Parental Responsibility Pertain To?

First, all mothers have parental responsibility from the moment of birth. This is only relinquished through adoption, and rarely through court processes that prove abuse. Fathers, however, do not always have parental responsibility, but there are a few ways that they can gain parental responsibility. These are:

1. Being named as the father (or other parent) on the birth certificate
2. Marriage to the child’s mother

It should be noted that where you are in the UK can affect the father’s parental responsibility. In the UK and Wales, if the parents are married when the child is born or adopted, they both have parental responsibility. In Scotland, this applies to children born or adopted when partners are married or get married after the child is born. And in Northern Ireland, it applies to marriage after the child is born only if the father resides in Northern Ireland at the time of the marriage.

One thing that should be mentioned is that same sex partners who are in a civil partnership at the time of the child’s birth have equal parental responsibility. However, if they were not, they would have to apply for parental responsibility. In the UK, parental responsibility can be applied for by fathers, same sex partners, and stepfathers/parents. In addition, there can be more than two adults who have parental responsibility of a child. 

If the mother is unwilling to agree to parental responsibility with her partner, it can be processed through a court order.

What is Parental Responsibility in Separation and Divorce?

Now that we understand parental responsibility and how it applies to fathers and mothers, it is important to quickly understand UK law around divorce and children. 

First, regardless of parental responsibility, historically, mothers often have more legal rights over the children than fathers do. This is because, traditionally, mothers have been seen as primary caregivers to their children and while these roles have been changing over the last few decades, fathers with equal parental responsibility may not be seen as equal caregivers.

Second, during court proceedings, courts tend to rule in favour of the mother for primary residence but this is not always the case.

Third, even if the primary home is not with the father, this does not diminish the legal rights of the father. Generally, day to day decisions based on care are the responsibility of the mother when she is the primary caregiver; however, major decisions have to be agreed upon by both parents.

Finally, if the primary home is with the father, it is important to note that a mother cannot be denied contact with her child or be denied the right to make decisions about her child. The only time a mother does not have that legal responsibility is, again, if abuse or neglect is proven or if the mother gives up her parental rights. 

What Does This Mean for Co-Parenting

Now that we know a lot of the legalities, what does that mean for co-parenting your child? There are a few things that you should know.

1. You have parental responsibility for your child, regardless of if you live with them or not. This means that all major decisions about your child’s life must include you and your ex-partner.
2. Routine decisions do not need permissions from both parents. While it makes it easier to have the permission of both, which makes the 2Houses app an essential tool for co-parenting, only one parent needs to give permission. For instance, if your child always spent Wednesday evenings with his grandparents, you would not need to get permission to continue this practice after the divorce.
3. Decisions should be made in writing. This is applied to major decisions. If you want to move abroad with your child, both parents have to agree to it in writing. These documents can be stored on the 2Houses app.
4. Child support is one of the responsibilities of parental responsibility and you and your ex-partner will have to discuss what those responsibilities will look like.

In the end, co-parenting can be agreed upon by court order. However, it is good for you to talk to your ex-partner of how you will split up the responsibilities, where the children will reside, visitation schedules and the finer details. Both parents have rights and responsibilities and the sooner they can come to an agreement on how that will be split after the divorce, the sooner life can return to a routine that where your children will thrive. 

Blending families after a divorce can be a complex and challenging process. However, it is increasingly common in today’s society. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 16% of children in the United States live in blended families.

The new family dynamic can be challenging, especially when step-parenting, new siblings, and competing loyalties are involved. However, building a strong and loving blended family is possible with the right mindset and approach. 

In this article, we’ll explore some tips and strategies for navigating the complexities of blended families after divorce, focusing on the USA’s divorced/separated parents.

Tips To Use in Adapting to New Family Dynamics 

Blending families after a divorce is a journey that requires patience, resilience, and understanding. It is a time of transition that involves getting to know new family members, learning to adapt to new family dynamics, and navigating new challenges. Below are a few tips to follow;

• Patience

Patience is one of the most important things to remember when blending families after divorce. It takes time to build relationships and create a sense of family. It’s essential to be open to the different personalities and dynamics that come with blending families and to be flexible and understanding when things don’t go according to plan.

• Establishing Clear Boundaries

Another vital aspect of blending families after divorce is establishing clear boundaries. This involves setting household rules, expectations, and responsibilities and ensuring everyone is on the same page. Clear communication is critical when establishing limitations, and ensuring everyone’s voices are heard is essential.

• Making Adjustments

In addition to communication, it’s also important to be open to feedback and willing to make adjustments when necessary. Blended families often comprise people from different backgrounds with different values and beliefs. Listening to different perspectives and adjusting your approach can help create a more harmonious family environment.

• Seeking Support

In addition to these tips, seeking support when needed is important. Blending families after divorce can be challenging, and it’s important to have a support system to help you navigate the ups and downs. This might include talking to a therapist or counselor, attending a support group, or contacting other blended families for advice and support.

Challenges to Face When Blending Families After Divorce 

1. Step-parenting

Step-parenting can be incredibly challenging when blending families after divorce. Step-parents may struggle to find their place in the family or feel like they are stepping on the toes of the biological parent. Step-parents must establish a positive relationship with their step-children while respecting the biological parent’s role in the family. This may involve finding common ground, setting boundaries, and finding ways to build trust and respect. 

Here are some tips to help step-parents and children build positive relationships:

• Build trust: Step-parents need to build trust with their step-children. This can be done by being consistent, following promises, and showing interest in their lives.

• Respect boundaries: It’s essential to respect the boundaries of the children and their biological parents. Stepping in too quickly or trying to discipline the children can create tension and conflict.

• Communicate openly: Communication is critical in any relationship but is imperative in blended families. Encourage open communication between all family members and ensure everyone feels heard and valued.

2. New Siblings 

Blended families after divorce can also involve the arrival of new siblings. This can be challenging for the latest and existing siblings, as they may need to learn to share their parents’ attention and resources. Parents must take the time to help their children adjust to the new family dynamics and encourage positive sibling relationships.

Here are some tips to help children adjust to new siblings:

• Encourage bonding: Encourage siblings to spend time together and get to know each other. This can be done through family activities, game nights, or outings.

• Respect individuality: It’s essential to recognize and respect the uniqueness of each child. Allow each child to have their interests and hobbies and make sure they feel valued for who they are.

• Avoid comparisons: Comparing children to each other can create tension and resentment. Instead, focus on each child’s strengths and encourage them to work together as a team.

• Blended families: Navigating the complexities of blending families after divorce, including step-parenting, new siblings, and competing loyalties

3. Competing Loyalties

Competing loyalties can also be a challenge when blending families after divorce. Children may feel caught between their loyalty to their biological parents and their loyalty to their new family members. Parents must create a safe and supportive environment where children feel free to express their feelings and concerns and provide reassurance and support as required.

Here are some tips to help manage competing loyalties:

• Encourage communication: Encourage open communication between all family members. This can help address any concerns or feelings of tension that may arise.

• Respect boundaries: It’s essential to respect the boundaries of the children and their biological parents. Allow them to maintain their relationship while building a new one with the step-parent.

• Create new traditions: Create new family traditions that involve everyone in the family. This can help create a sense of unity and belonging.

Benefits of Blended Families 

Blending families can be challenging for everyone involved but can also be a positive experience. Here are some benefits of blended families:

1. Increased Support 

Blended families can provide children with increased emotional and financial support. Children may have more adults who care for them and can provide support in times of need.

2. New Perspectives

Blended families bring together people from different backgrounds and experiences, providing opportunities to learn and grow from each other’s views.

3. Resilience

Blended families have the opportunity to develop stability and strength by overcoming challenges and working through difficulties.

Final Thoughts

Blending families after divorce is a challenging but rewarding process. You can build a strong and loving blended family by being patient, establishing clear boundaries, being open to feedback, and seeking support when needed. 

It’s important to remember that every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. Your blended family can become a strong and loving unit with time, patience, and a positive attitude.