Category: Co-parenting

Parenting is never easy. It’s a full-time job that requires you to drop your personal needs to tend to other human lives.

That full-time job becomes all the more difficult to perform when you’re co-parenting with someone that has a narcissistic personality disorder. Fortunately, parenting a child with an NPD co-parent isn’t impossible.

It will take several actionable steps, with you championing a lot of the “first steps”. If you’re at a loss for where to start, then consider different techniques.

Here are several tips on co-parenting with a narcissist. Be sure to consider all of these methods and find the ones that will work best for you.

1. Always Prioritize the Children Above the Co-Parent

Divorce is hard enough as is, and you might be stressing the importance of your children having both parents in their life, if possible.

However, their need for both parents isn’t so great that it beats out the other needs of your children.

Dealing with a narcissistic father or mother means that they won’t be able to place your children’s needs ahead of their own. That’s why it’s up to you to make those decisions.

Of course, you don’t want to hurt the other parent’s feelings, but that’s a minute concern when it comes to doing what’s best for your kid(s).

If at any point you feel like your ex-spouse is using your children for their own personal gain, it’s time to take action. Remove your kids from the situation as much as possible and attempt to reach a solution.

2. Set Ground Rules for Communication

Co-parenting with your ex can get dicey when it comes to proper communication practices. In fact, the narcissistic parent will try to flat-out ignore your wishes on how they speak with you and the child.

That’s why it’s important to set up ground rules for how they’ll communicate with both as soon as possible.

There will be an adjustment period for everyone involved, so try not to become frustrated.

Be sure to set up borders for when and how you talk to each other. For example, try to use email as the primary form of communication between you and the other parent.

Email will help remove emotion from the verbiage (as much as possible) so that you both can attempt to have clear discussions.

The narcissistic parent will undoubtedly try to frustrate you with some responses that they send. Email is the best way for you to give yourself enough time to respond and read over what you send before you send it.

3. Set Up Call Times with the Children

Modern-day technology has made it increasingly difficult for parents to control how often their ex-spouse communicates with their child.

As you probably know by now, your narcissistic co-parent will try any and every way to reach the child against your wishes.

Try to set specific times that the parent can call the child while you have visitation with them. The other parent will try to push you on this, so don’t budge.

Even if they agree to the call times that you’ve set, they might still try to blow up the child’s cell phone with text messages to instigate. If you catch on to this, remain calm and try to get the child to ignore their messages for the duration of your visit.

4. Conjure Up a Legal Parenting Outline

Your personal requests and demands won’t mean much to the narcissistic parent, even if they’ve agreed to those you’ve listed out.

Because of that, you want to find something that’s legally-binding. Something in writing that can protect you from the co-parent’s unpredictability.

Their NPD will influence them to try and be involved in everyone’s lives as much as they possibly can. However, a legal agreement will cause them to think twice before stirring things up.

Legal parenting agreements can include terms such as the education plans for the children, visitation schedules, health care for the kids, and other responsibilities.

Remember to be the bigger adult and remain as reasonable as possible. Think about what your children want and how you can mold a parenting plan to fit it.

If you have concerns about the process or about your narcissistic co-parent, be sure to bring them up as you meet with an attorney. They can recommend different options.

Of course, an interactive calendar might also serve as a huge breakthrough for interacting and scheduling with the co-parent.

5. Remove Your Child from the Middle

Odds are that there will always be minor and major feuds between you and your ex-spouse. 

What’s important is that you remember to remove your child from the middle of the altercation. It doesn’t matter how old they are, they should never have to get involved in the ongoing battle.

Don’t be surprised if the narcissistic parent tries to place your children in a situation where they have to pick between the two.

Don’t buy into the trap they’re laying out for you. The top priority should always be the safety and the happiness of your kids. They love you both and want both of you to be involved in their lives.

The narcissistic parent might try to fill your child’s head with lies, and it’s up to you to put an end to it.

Ask them often if the other parent has tried to use them as a spy against you at one point or another.

Try to communicate the fact that you don’t hate their other parent. Make sure they know that both mom and dad love them very much and want the best life possible for them.

6. Use Counseling to Your Advantage

Dealing with a narcissistic co-parent in everyday life is an unprecedented situation to most people. There’s no clear-cut rule book on how to deal with them. Every NPD is different.

Because of that, you want to make sure you and your children have a space to talk through things. 

Counseling can provide a setting for you to work out feelings both individually and/or together.

In fact, there are many tremendous benefits of counseling. Such perks include things like mental relief, increased self-confidence, and self-acceptance.

It will also help you and your children to improve your communication and gratitude towards the situations you’re blessed with. 

The counselor that you frequently visit will help you see things through a different scope and tackle the frustrations you have head-on. This will also be a great exercise to lessen the burden of the emotional load that you’re carrying on your shoulders.

7. Control What You Can Control

If there’s one thing that you’ll learn about co-parenting with a self-absorbed person, it’s that you won’t be able to control their actions.

Attempting to show enough emotion to get through to them will only make things worse. Narcissists feed off of high emotions and frustrations if you show it to them.

Not only that, but trying to control other people, narcissist or not, will lead to more frustration that you’re inflicting on yourself. Instead, focus on the things you do and the actions that you take.

The best way to start change is to ignite change within yourself. Don’t expect the other parent to follow your lead. 

If you find self-control then you’ll be more at peace with situations that would otherwise lead to anger and sadness.

8. Lead by Example

You’re the bigger adult, here. You are the one that will serve as the primary example for your children. 

As much as they might love the other parent, even younger kids understand who the responsible parent is in their life. Therefore, it’s completely up to you to set a standard for your child’s behavior.

If they see you work through your feelings by throwing things around the house, then they will grow up to do the same thing.

You need to focus on showing your kid(s) the right way to do all things in life. As they grow up, they’ll come to admire your dedication to raising them the right way, even with a narcissist for a co-parent.

Find the Balance for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist!

Now that you’ve seen several helpful suggestions and tips for co-parenting with a narcissist, it’s time to put them into practice.

While that can be easier than done, it’s important to take each tip one step at a time.

Be sure to read this article on co-parenting during the coronavirus and how to work through visitation during this pandemic.

Family therapists extoll the benefits of co-parenting and with good reason. Countless studies demonstrate that kids do better when they remain in regular contact with both parents.

What’s more, research indicates that parents who co-parent experience less conflict. Especially when compared to custody arrangements where one individual holds sole custody. 

Of course, successful co-parenting requires maturity on the part of both exes. To minimize the pain felt by children after a split, parents should avoid dealing with conflict in front of them. This approach also helps children foster a sense of resilience over the long-term.

Situations exist, however, where parallel parenting remains the better option. Let’s explore the differences between co-parenting and parallel parenting. We’ll also take a look at situations where each approach works better.

The Co-Parenting Approach

What is co-parenting? Co-parenting is when two separated or divorced parents share the bulk of child-rearing responsibilities. This approach provides children with access to both parents. 

When parents maintain equivalent or equal responsibility for the upbringing of their children, their offspring benefit.

How? Studies show that children of divorce who spend at least 35 percent of their time with each parent are more well-adjusted. They manifest greater behavioral and psychological health. They also enjoy increased academic success.

Of course, there are caveats to this approach, especially if one or both parents are deemed unable to care for their children. Those rare cases aside, however, co-parenting remains a viable, healthy means of child-rearing post-divorce. 

Co-parenting provides a wonderful opportunity for children to stay in close contact with both parents. The arrangement also provides kids with the psychological space and permission to love both parents–without taking sides. 

Things to Keep in Mind About Co-Parenting

Co-parenting comes with its own set of unique challenges. These include the necessity of fostering a long-term relationship with your ex. At least until your kids are grown. This aspect of co-parenting, alone, can make separating or divorcing partners feel uneasy. 

If you choose to go this route, establish healthy boundaries. Set up clear, firm rules about communication from the get-go. Schedule time to sit down with your ex to discuss a parenting schedule.

You’ll also need to touch bases occasionally to discuss what’s going on with your kids. As children get older, you’ll need to stay on the same page about schooling, homework, behavior, and consequences. Without regular communication, misunderstandings can occur.

What’s more, kids of divorce sometimes learn to take advantage of communication gaps between parents to avoid chores, consequences, and more. Here are some useful tips for keeping communication open to promote an amicable divorce. 

Flexibility and Co-Parenting Over Time

As children grow, their needs change. You must take this into account as you develop a co-parenting agreement. Younger children adjust better with fewer transitions between homes.

As for adolescents and teens? They’ll want input when it comes to decisions about custody schedules. As they commit to extracurricular activities and first jobs, don’t be surprised if your custody calendar requires some workarounds. 

You and your ex should revisit the schedule from time to time. After all, it represents a tool to help you both meet your children’s needs, especially as they grow. Find out more about creating a custody calendar.

The better your relationship with your ex, the easier these conversations will go. Respectful communication, clear expectations, and firm boundaries will help you achieve the most favorable outcome. 

When Co-Parenting Hurts Children

Of course, there are times when co-parenting isn’t the best approach. Parents who remain angry and hostile towards one another need an alternative. Otherwise, continued conflicts can create painful situations for kids.

Children may feel as if they’re stuck in a battle of wills or conflict of loyalties. They may find it difficult to interact with their parents, particularly when they feel pressured to pick a side.

When one parent complains about the other in front of the kids? The children suffer.

To make co-parenting work, parents should never bad-mouth their ex in front of their children. They should also avoid sending messages to their co-parent through a child.

After all, kids should enjoy their childhoods. They shouldn’t have to repeatedly deal with baggage from you and your ex’s previous relationship.

Not all parents can make a mutually respectful relationship with an ex work, though. That’s when another approach, parallel parenting, comes into play. 

The Parallel Parenting Approach

While co-parenting remains the ideal, it isn’t always possible. Interacting with an ex during drop-offs, speaking to your ex, or making shared decisions isn’t for everyone. 

What happens if you give co-parenting a try but realize it’s not going to work? Then, creating a parallel parenting plan is in order.

It will help you and your ex establish firm boundaries while removing much of the potential for conflict during face-to-face meetings. It’ll also minimize the number of interactions you and your ex need to have at all. 

What is parallel parenting? This approach refers to a type of co-parenting where former partners disengage from one another. 

They limit direct contact with each other, too. Particularly in situations where they’ve demonstrated they can’t communicate respectfully. 

Guidelines for parallel parenting include:

• Minimizing conflict by sharing a custody schedule via a calendar, app, or in writing
• Avoiding the communication of personal information 
• Communicating politely without involving the children 
• Avoiding all schedule changes without a written agreement
• Communicating in a non-personal, business-like manner
• Communicating information relevant to your children’s well-being

These ground rules help parents remain disengaged from each other while staying close to their kids.

Things to Keep in Mind About Parallel Parenting

Parallel parenting doesn’t mean that parents are any less committed to making responsible decisions about their children’s upbringing. This approach does mean, however, that exes decide on the logistics of day-to-day parenting separately. That said, you’ll still need to coordinate schedules, drop-offs, pick-ups, etc.

Apps such as 2houses can help you and your ex get on the same page when it comes to custody schedules, support payments, and more. This technology can minimize interactions and misunderstandings. It’s a win-win for all involved. 

Parallel parenting works well to decrease friction associated with high conflict situations. Through this initial approach, former partners may also lay a foundation for co-parenting if and when they feel ready to put aside past hostilities. 

By focusing on the best interests of their children, many parents eventually move beyond contentious relationships. Over time, they may even cultivate a healthy understanding grounded in mutual respect. 

The Benefits of Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting

Whether former partners opt for co-parenting or parallel parenting, both approaches can work well. They also both come with clear advantages. These include:

• Enjoying better psychological adjustment into adulthood
• Feeling a greater sense of security
• Growing up with healthier parental role models
• Fostering good communication skills
• Developing better problem-solving skills

As you can see, the rewards of successful co-parenting and parallel parenting far outweigh the difficulties. Yes, exes must work through their differences, but it’ll prove well worth it.

By keeping your eye on the prize, a healthy, well-adjusted child, you can make achieving a parenting arrangement easier. After all, maintaining a cordial relationship with your child’s other parent is better for everyone involved. 

Remaining positive and respectful will help you avoid making children feel as if they need to choose between you and your ex. You’ll also guarantee that they don’t feel stuck in the middle. 

The disintegration of a romantic relationship can feel all-encompassing. As a result, it’s easy to overlook the ramifications of such a life event on your kids. There are ways to lessen the stress and anxiety they experience, though.

That way, they can focus on living happily and harmoniously in two homes moving forward.

How to Help Younger Children Adjust to Two Homes

How do you best help children under the age of ten get used to life under two roofs? Start by reassuring your children that they still have two parents who love them.

What happens if your child doesn’t want to go with their other parent when it’s their scheduled time? Sit down together and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Let your children know that even though mom and dad are no longer together, that doesn’t mean either one loves them any less.

Reassure them, too, that you’re both still good parents. Finally, let them know that mom and dad are cooperating to make sure they get plenty of time with each of you.

Maintain a Sense of Regularity and Structure

It’s also important to encourage younger kids to stick to the custody agreement that you’ve set up with your ex. A consistent schedule will go a long way towards making them feel stable and safe. 

When schedule changes arise, as they will, help your kids anticipate these changes. Plan ahead by assisting kids in packing a prized possession or two.

Just remember to keep these items to a minimum. Packing a favorite blanket or stuffed animal is never a bad idea, but most parents prefer to keep duplicate items at their house.

Once your children return from visits with their other parent, remain positive or neutral about their experiences. It’s essential to set aside your differences and support your children in developing a strong relationship with your ex.

Last but not least, work hard to maintain a business-like, respectful relationship with your former significant other. That means avoiding expressions of anger in front of the kids. You don’t want to put your kids in the position of playing referee. 

How to Help Older Kids Adjust to Two Homes

When it comes to older kids, particularly teens, both parents will need to be more understanding of their hectic schedules. Many teens navigate a variety of activities each day, including school, extracurricular activities, and time spent with friends.

They may also have jobs and other responsibilities, such as preparing for college entrance exams. It can feel stressful enough for them to juggle their lives, let alone add two homes to the mix.

So, keep the lines of communication open. Also, be flexible when things come up. 

By taking some of the pressure off teens, you create an understanding environment. One where they feel supported. You also avoid resentment, which can build up when teens feel pulled in too many directions.

Allow Teens to Cultivate a Sense of Independence and Autonomy

You should also encourage your teens to spend time with their friends and other family members, including extended family. Avoid making them choose between you or their friends. After all, at this age, friends will almost always win.

One way to show your teens that you care about their friends, too? Plan some activities that incorporate them. Whether tickets to a sporting event or the movies, this approach encourages teens to bond with peers at home, too. 

Remember that teens naturally desire more autonomy at this age. It’s a healthy, though bittersweet, part of growing up.

Nevertheless, teens still need to foster relationships with their parents, even though they probably won’t admit it. As a parent, it’s your job to guide them in the right direction. 

In the Best Interests of Your Children

Co-parenting and parallel parenting offer structured solutions for child-rearing with an ex. These approaches come with benefits. They allow you to establish boundaries and protocols moving forward.

Acting mutually respectful also sets a fantastic example for your children. It helps them develop better problem-solving skills while providing them with a sense of stability and reassurance.

Ready for more sound advice to help you navigate custody arrangements? Check out this exploration of 50/50 custody and how to make it work. 

As per the latest statistics attained from The Centers and Disease Control and Prevention, the rate of divorce in the US is witnessed to be 3.2 out of every 1,000 people (Kennedy and Ruggles, 2014). This leaves behind quite a larger number of under-aged children to be deprived of the affection, time and upbringing from both of their parents. With the decision of separation taken by the mutual decision of parent, children are the ones that are affected the most and may lead them with several emotional and behavioral disorders and instability. It develops in them some complexes, depression and a sense of loneliness and being unloved which further lead to an emotionally painful process throughout every phase of their lives (Valenzuela, Halpern and Katz, 2014). For the mitigation of such a rising issues of divorce and considering the worst impacts of it on the minds of growing children, parenting guidelines are introduced and several mobile application and websites have been devoted for the cause of time management and visitation of parental guidelines for those who do not have custody of their children in order spend time with them and to cope up with the potential impacts of separation on children and adolescents.

Impacts of Divorce on Children

The continued long-term chain of conflicts among the parents until the time of separation causes a devastating impact on the children’s psychological and emotional health and for the parents themselves. It is often difficult for parents to sort out what exactly their children are going through and thinking of such a drastic change in their life. There seems to develop a distance among children and parents which causes a communication barrier (Jeynes, 2012). Children tend not to share their feelings and suppress their emotions which consequently creates a harmful impact on their mental and emotional health, causing a lifetime deprivation of basic need for love and homely environment. Besides, divorce itself is a painful and stressful process for the separated spouse as well, which makes it’s even harder for parents to manage their own raw emotion and continuing hostility to aid their children’s needs immaculately side by side. Moreover, the legal processes for the attainment of a child’s custody is more inclined towards adversaries and blame rather than focusing on the interest of children (Weaver and Schofield, 2015). This ongoing conflict also contributes highly to erode effective parenting, resulting in causing abnormalities, instability and problems in children’s behavior and emotion. Some of the most commonly occurring debilitating issues faced by children whilst moving into their adulthood with separated parents are:

Trust Issues

Children having experienced unsavory time often faced with trust issues throughout their lives. It causes a continuous struggle for children to revive back the trust and honesty in relationships which consequently also reflects in their personal marital lives in the future (Anderson, 2014). The trust issue of parent’s plague children, resulting in shadowing their ability to trust others. Such a devastating experience in children’s live and ongoing conflicts of parenting in their feeble age tend them to lose their trust in honesty, love, and loyalty in relationships.

Resentment

The resentment shown by the parents can result to be the facet of children. The experience of separation and struggle to attain the custody of a child results in resentment of quality of life, loss of time and happiness (Fagan and Churchill, 2012). Such a resented, if remained untreated and unmeasured, can result in being absolutely debilitating. The continued struggle of a child to take care emotionally of the wounded parents would lose the colors in their growing lives as a kid.

Addiction

The children faced with the abrupt divorce of their parents often end up doing drugs and more highly susceptible to abuse and harm themselves (Kalmijn, 2012). The troubled childhood often tends them to opt for drugs to spiritually and emotionally heal themselves and to release their anxiety, pain and frustration.

Mental Issues

The experience of the conflicts that lead parents to get separated to the point where they become emotionally fragile, such a constant phase of fight, struggle between the loved ones and broken family lead a child to be nothing but depressed, filled with several insecurities, resilience, anger, trust issues and many infectious emotions that might never let him lead a normal and happy life ahead (Amato, 2014).

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is often encountered by the children of a divided family which refers to losing a sense of self-identity and to be dependent on an emotionally troubled partner (Larson and Halfon, 2013). Such an experience causes troublesome reliance on emotions on a partner to fulfill self-esteem needs.

How to Deal with the Behavioral and Emotional Problems of Children:

There are measures and steps that separating parents can perform in order to minimize the negativity of the impacts of divorce on children. Children often show greater vulnerabilities at this point in time yet with resilience. No matter what the reason lies behind the marital separation decision, but parent mostly seems to be well-intentioned towards their children (Divorce, 2019). Despite the pain of divorce, separation brings with it several other stressful occurrences like legal battles, houses move, supportive relationships loss and money deprivation etc., all include the basics and fundamental needs of life required by all, especially children experiencing it. Children tend to suffer a range of social and emotional difficulties consequently (RC PSYCH, 2019).
However, with effective management and mutual efforts made by the parents, several steps can be taken to cope up with the negative effects of divorce on children (The Irish Times, 2019). There exists a greater possibility and high probability of children leading quite a normal and happy life ahead if parents tend to mitigate the pitfalls in their children’s lives and manage to help children go through the process of separation by implementing some of the below mentioned effective parenting practices:

Implementing Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines

The guidelines dictate specifically regarding the visitation rules as per the age and other factors of children. It entails vividly about the parental visitation rules among various events, festival, holidays and timelines where they are supposed to meet and spend time with their children, varying as per child’s age (In, 2019). It suggests the parents discuss the time of visitation but if not then non-custodial parents are required to schedule to visit. For the parents how to live far away from one another are also given suggestion on the underlying issue. Parents are therefore required to follow such a visitation guideline to perform effective parenting and give time to their children (Indiana Legal Services, 2019).

Manage your Personal Stress Level to Rightfully Perform Effective Parenting

It is a normal case to go through a roller-coaster of emotion, shame, guilt, anger and grief through the process of separation (HelpGuide, 2019). At such a time, children need the support of parents the most. But in order to be a pillar for children, it is necessary for parents to deal with their stress by means of counseling or any help with close friends (Help and Counseling, 2019).

Constructively Work with Your Former Spouse to Deal with Parenting Issues

The most concerning issue faced by the separating is the ongoing conflicts of the spouse. It makes for parents difficult to develop a constructive relationship with the children. By creating a harmonious environment of family and mutual well-intensions for the children, arrangements can be made for the interest of children by means of shared expenses, custody calendar, shared calendar, use of parenting app, divorce app and family organizer, etc. (Clark et al., 2013)

Use Parenting Applications to Manage the Family’s Schedule

The use of parenting and the co-parenting application would be quite useful in such a case in managing the family’s information in an organized and well-documented manner (McMahon, 2012). There are several best parenting applications to manage your family schedule with also allows sharing the calendar with your spouse to coordinate respectively and give the most memorable and well-nourished moments to your children.

Help Children Give Balanced Loyalty, Love and Time

Make sure to mitigate the divided loyalty experience by your children and try to provide them an appropriate, balanced and age-appropriate account of divorce. One should try speaking only positives about the ex-partner and help prevent infusing negativity among either of them in children’s minds. Never use children as a go-between medium, rather talk directly (HelpGuide, 2019).
Have Open Communication with your Children
It is important to make time for children to carry out one-to-one conversation to help children open up their true emotion and letting their grief out of their chests. Children often conceal their emotions and perplexed thoughts (Nationwidechildrens, 2019). Work hard to eliminate all their queries and share feelings among one another to cope with the struggle together.

Minimize the Changes in Children’s Life

Separation often comes with the loss of friends, family and old house as well which harshly affects children more than the grief of divorce itself (Caringforkids, 2019). It is suggested to maintain as many good old things, memories and experiences as possible and help introduce a new yet positive change in children’s lives in a subtle manner rather than drastically introducing abrupt change in lives.

Activities to Help Children Deal with Divorce

Divorce is a life transitioning event for both, the parents and the children. Both go through a verity of emotions, especially affecting the young minds of children (Raising Children Network, 2019). Parents ought to not only cope up with their emotional stability as soon as possible but also provide support to their children to deal with their concerns, feelings and frustration faced due to separation.

Visit Them Frequently

Manage your schedule and cope with the ex-partner to go visit the child, if he/she is not in your custody. Make use of schedule managing parenting mobile and web applications to deal with the issue efficiently and to also coordinate the timetable with the partner by means of sharing calendar through the apps to give children the love and affection of both, mommy and daddy (Jannese, 2019).

Communicate from Distance

If one of the parents lives abroad or far away from the recent caretaker of children, then parents are suggested to continue communicating with the children to retain a strong relationship with them. This can be done by emailing each other, weekly or monthly basis phone calls, writing the letter, exchanging video and audio recording to share the moments or initiate a postcard club etc. (Parents, 2019)

Spend Time Together on Holidays and Festival

Festivals, holidays and events are the occasions where every family spend their time together and make unforgettable memories. This is where a child with broken family wants their parents the most to get reunited and experience the same emotions as every other child. Halloween, Christmas, summer vacations and important school occasions of children can be made memorable together as a family (Verywell Family, 2019).

Play Together

Playing with children often helps them to express their feelings and relieve their stress and give them a sense of belonging, affection and love from their parents that might have been shadowed by the experience of divorce (Afifi, 2019). Exercise, walking, camping and swimming etc. can be effective ways to make memories with children.

Creating Two Comfortable Homes

Ensure to keep familiar items in each of the spouse’s house to give your children the same and homely feeling in both places. Out up family photos, clothing, favorite food, school supplies, games, and toys to give you children a secure and homely experience (Psychology Today, 2019).

How 2houses Will Benefit Separated Parents to Give a Well-Nourished Life to Your Children?

2houses is a useful tool for the parents that have been separated but look for an organizer to manage their schedule to effectively communicate and visit their children for their well-being and nourishing upbringing. It helps you keep track of and manage all activities, medical and after school information, manage their expenses and organize custody schedule (2houses, 2019). Considering the maximum reachability of such useful resources, the tools are available as a mobile and web application, both. The application is being used by more than 170,598 separated families and is spread among 170 countries with the aim to provide children with the most complete and happy childhood whilst giving utmost ease to parents to give the children all the colors of their lives (Seif & McNamee, 2019).
The tools are a wholesome package of an interacting calendar with sharing and synchronization facility, an effectual financial management system, a journal to share memories among family members, bank information to keep track of child’s necessities and massages to interact (Gillespie, 2019).
The love, affection and time of parents is the basic necessity of children, which often gets unattained in the process of divorce, letting trust issues, complexes and emotional instability affecting abruptly a child’s life. It is therefore, necessary to take steps by the parents to rectify such a major pitfall in their children life by taking the above mention measures to lead a happy, healthy and a normal life ahead as a family.

References

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Afifi, T. (2019). The best possible thing you can do to help your child through divorce. [online] ideas.ted.com. Available at: https://ideas.ted.com/the-best-possible-thing-you-can-do-to-help-your-child-through-your-divorce/ [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

Amato, P.R., 2014. The consequences of divorce for adults and children: An update. Društvena istraživanja: časopis za opća društvena pitanja, 23(1), pp.5-24.

Anderson, J., 2014. The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce. The Linacre Quarterly, 81(4), pp.378-387.

Caringforkids, C. (2019). Helping children cope with separation and divorce – Caring for Kids. [online] Caringforkids.cps.ca. Available at: https://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/separation_and_divorce [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

Clark, B., Canadian Paediatric Society and Mental Health and Developmental Disabilities Committee, 2013. Supporting the mental health of children and youth of separating parents. Paediatrics & child health, 18(7), pp.373-377.

Divorce, A. (2019). Activities for Helping Children Deal with Divorce. [online] Extension2.missouri.edu. Available at: https://extension2.missouri.edu/gh6602 [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

Fagan, P.F. and Churchill, A., 2012. The effects of divorce on children. Marri Research, pp.1-48.

Gillespie, C. (2019). This Tool Helps Divorced Parents Avoid Disaster. [online] SheKnows. Available at: https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/2004742/best-co-parenting-apps/ [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

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Help, M. and Counseling, D. (2019). Challenges that Children of Divorce Face in their Adulthood | Marriage.com. [online] Best Marriage Advice – Get Marriage Tips from Experts. Available at: https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/challenges-that-children-of-divorce-face-in-their-adulthood/ [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

HelpGuide (2019). Children and Divorce. [online] HelpGuide.org. Available at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/children-and-divorce.htm [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

HelpGuide (2019). Co-Parenting Tips for Divorced Parents. [online] HelpGuide.org. Available at: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/co-parenting-tips-for-divorced-parents.htm [Accessed 18 Dec. 2019].

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With divorce rates rising, many kids now experience Christmas without Dad or Mum. Many parents worry that Christmas with only one parent present will not be the same for their kids. If you are doing Christmas as a solo parent for the first time, here are some tips that can help.

How to Communicate With Kids About Christmas Without Dad or Mum

Many parents struggle with how to tell their child that they will be spending Christmas without Dad or Mum. However, it is very important to be upfront with children about Christmas plans. If you wait until Christmas is almost here to tell your child, they might be very disappointed. Let your kids know early about your co-parenting plans for Christmas.

Involve Dad or Mum If Possible

It might not be possible, or in fact desirable, for your kids to visit their Dad or Mum on Christmas Day. However, you can still include the absent parent. Arrange a Skype call so the kids can show off their new toys and wish Dad or Mum a merry Christmas. This is a great way to show kids that both their parents are thinking of them on this special day.

Make New Family Traditions

Sticking to the same Christmas routine you’ve always had might feel strange now Dad or Mum is absent. Instead of staring at the empty space around the dinner table, why not start a new family festive tradition? You could go to a restaurant for Christmas dinner or invite over friends or relatives to create a festive atmosphere. You could even take a trip away to make this holiday feel extra special.

Take the Time to Make Kids Feel Valued

If you are a busy single parent, it can be tough to give your kids all the time and attention they need. Sometimes, other priorities such as work have to come first. During the first Christmas without Dad or Mum, try to put other obligations on the back burner. This will allow you to spend time with your kids and reassure them that they are loved and valued. If possible, try to swap shifts at work so you can be with the kids as much as possible during this first co-parenting festive season.

Get Input From Kids

If you are worried about how to help your kids have a good time this Christmas, why not ask them what they want? Would they prefer a quiet Christmas at home with you, or a fun-filled adventure that breaks all the rules about how to celebrate? By giving kids input into the Christmas planning process, you can show them that you’re not only their parent but also their friend.

Get Advice From Others

If you know other separated families, you can ask them for advice about how to handle the first Christmas without Dad or Mum. Divorced parents can be a fantastic source of wisdom as they have been through the same challenges you face. Ask them for advice on creating new Christmas traditions and making the day as magical as possible for little ones.

Communicate With Your Co-Parent

Long before Christmas rolls around, make sure you and your co-parent are on the same page. If the kids are moving from one home to another over the festive period, you should both know exactly when pick-up or drop-off will take place. Using a co-parenting app such as 2houses can help to clarify plans to ensure Christmas is conflict-free.

One of the hardest parts about going through a divorce? Figuring out how to work through it in a healthy way that strengthens and builds your children, rather than the other way around.

The most vulnerable and unwilling participants in this journey, they’re the ones who feel the brunt of the impact when spouses can’t get along. However, there is a way to help mitigate conflict and establish order and routine.

Assuming you have shared custody, it all centers on setting firm parenting time guidelines.

In short, this is a pre-determined schedule that dictates the time that each parent has with the shared children. While you might have a schedule built upon their school calendar that works for most of the year, what happens when they get out for the summertime? This change in routine doesn’t have to throw your balancing act off-kilter.

Today, we’re sharing a few strategies you can use to establish parenting time guidelines that allow your children to soak up plenty of sunshine and family time this season.

Ready to learn more? Let’s jump in.

Determine the Summer Break Timeframe

Before you can get into the nitty-gritty of the summer visitation schedule, you and your ex will have to determine exactly when the summer schedule will begin and end.

Most parents choose to base this timeline off their children’s official school schedule. If you have this available, it’s wise to reference and use it, as this will pose as little disruption to their normal routine as possible.

If you go this route, you have two options:

• Choose exact start and end dates for each summer
• Choose general dates that extend to every summer

A schedule built around the first bullet might look like:

• Summer break begins at 4:00 p.m. on May 29, 2020 (last day of school) and ends at 8:00 a.m. on September 7, 2020 (first day of school).

On the other hand, a schedule built around the second bullet might look like:

• Summer break begins on the last Friday in May and ends on the first Monday in September.

Do you notice the difference? The first is more rigid while the other allows for some flexibility with dates. For instance, the first Monday in September 2020 is September 7, but the following year, it falls on September 6.

Whichever option you choose, be careful to avoid terms such as “the middle of the summer.” While you could do the calculations and determine the exact mid-point, that verbiage is vague and ambiguous. In fact, most people casually select July 4 as the mid-point of the summer although that isn’t always accurate.

When you’re a parent splitting your time with your children, you want the schedule to be as even and fair as possible. Rather than relying on paper-based calendars, try using online scheduling tools to create and share the schedule virtually.

That said, what are some ways you can creatively and effectively split your time during the summer? The good news is that without having to plan around school, you have more options than you would at any other time of the year.

Let’s take a look at a few approaches to try.

Swap Your Normal Schedule

Does your child currently live with mom during the week, with visits to dad’s house occurring every other weekend?

If so, consider swapping this schedule. That way, dad would have the child during the week and mom would have custody every other weekend. This is a simple way to give the other spouse a break and inject a little fun into a standard routine. In addition, by keeping the visits set at every other weekend, parents can plan weeklong vacations that spill into the next weekend without having to make a change to the schedule!

Create a Totally New Schedule

The residential schedule that you maintain throughout the year doesn’t have to be the same one that you keep during the summer! If both parents are flexible and agreeable to a change, why not consider creating an entirely new routine for a few months?

This can be any arrangement that works for everyone. For instance, you might establish a two weeks on/two weeks off schedule wherein one parent gets the children for two weeks at a time. Or, you could try a more intricate schedule, such as a 2-2-3 rotation.

Here, the kids will be with one parent for two days, then with the other parent for two days, and then back to the first parent to enjoy a three-day weekend. If you keep the same pattern going, the other parent will have the kids on the next three-day weekend.

While this setup can work if all parties are on the same page, keep in mind that all of the back-and-forth shuffling can be confusing and overwhelming for everyone involved, especially for small children. Longer spans of time together allow them to feel more settled and secure, so if possible, try to block off individual portions of time that are at least a week or longer.

Grant Full Summertime Custody to One Parent

Of course, another scheduling alternative is to allow one parent to exercise full custody during the pre-determined summer timeline. If this is the same parent that has the children the majority of the time during the rest of the year, it’s important to communicate this schedule early to make sure the extended timeline is a good fit.

Plan Around Family Vacations

Has one parent been busy planning an epic trip to Disneyworld in June while the other can’t wait to take the brood fly fishing in August? Though you’ll need to come up with another scheduling tactic to cover the remainder of the summer, you can begin by talking about those vacation plans.

As long as they don’t overlap or create a conflict, each parent can take the kids on the vacation of his or her choosing.

For instance, you might already have an every-weekend schedule in place for the summer, where the child visits dad every weekend. While that can work for most of May through September, you can block off a two-week section for mom only during July to make those Disneyworld memories. The same holds true for the fly fishing trip in August.

This will require maturity on both ends, as (based on the length of the vacation) it will likely require at least one parent to sacrifice previously scheduled time with the children.

You can also take a different approach while setting up your initial residential schedule that will cover the entire year. Instead of blocking off specific dates during the summer months for vacation, you can give each parent an allotment of days for such excursions.

For example, you might set the following precedences:

• Dad can take up to 14 days of vacation with the children over the course of one year.
• Mom can take up to 14 days of vacation with the children over the course of one year.

If you do this, make sure to set guidelines around notifications. For instance, the vacationing parent must inform the other parent at least 30 days in advance of each vacation. In turn, the other parent has up to five days to respond if the proposed getaway will present a conflict in his or her schedule.

Helpful Tips to Successfully Co-Parent This Summer

Specific schedules aside, how can you make sure that the summer timelines you’ve set for your ex will lead to the best outcomes for everyone in your family? Let’s take a look at a few steps you can take before that final school bell rings to get everyone on the same page.

Communicate and Plan Ahead

Communication is the cornerstone of every healthy marriage and every healthy divorce.

The more that you and your ex can talk about the months coming up, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works well for you both. Rather than avoiding the topic, go ahead and address it as soon as possible.

That way, you’re able to work around concerns such as vacations and family get-togethers, proactively scheduling your time to accommodate the things that matter to you. That way, there are minimal surprise events that suddenly pop up and change the whole family’s plans.

Talk with your ex and come to an agreement on how you’re going to divide your time with the children. Putting off the conversation or shrugging off its importance could result in a major amount of stress a few weeks down the road. Even if you don’t want to create a super-rigid schedule, you can at least establish a flexible one that has some form of structure.

Keep the Kids a Top Priority

As much as you’d love to be able to plan the summer of your dreams, keep in mind that this is one of the most magical times of the year for your children. Free from the stressors of school, they’re able to play outside, explore with friends and make the kinds of memories that last a lifetime.

That means it’s your duty to make the split schedule work as seamlessly as possible. To do so, include them in the conversation!

Talk to your kids and ask them what they would like to do this summer. Take their needs into account, including both younger children who are totally dependent on you and older ones who are more self-sufficient. Then, to the greatest extent possible, work with your ex to take everyone’s desires and wishes into consideration.

Encourage Memory-Making

If your ex wants to take the kids on an incredible cruise, don’t hold a grudge or try to get in the way of it. Remember who ultimately benefits from this trip: your children!

That said, encourage them to go and wish them well. Encourage your kids to have fun during their time away from you, so they can see that their happiness means more to you than your disagreements with your ex-spouse. Let them know that you want them to have a loving and healthy relationship with both of their parents, and you’re working to make sure that happens.

If they sense even a little tension or sadness on your part, kids can feel guilty and even hesitant to go on the trip. Reassure them that you love them and support them, and you can’t wait to hear all about the trip when they get back.

At the same time, be equally respectful when you’re the one booking the vacation.

Make sure that your spouse is fully up-to-date on all of the details of your itinerary so he or she knows where the kids will be at all times. Think of the details that you would want to know yourself, and make sure to include them! For instance, your ex should always know how to contact your child so don’t leave those details out!

A Note on Childcare

If both parents work full-time, the children will spend the majority of their summer days at daycare, camp or both. Decide ahead of time who is going to coordinate and organize those activities.

If possible, each parent can be responsible for picking the kids up and dropping them off at those locales when he or she has custody of them. If there are attendance costs to pay, decide ahead of time if and how those should be paid.

Establish Successful Parenting Time Guidelines This Summer

The summer is meant to be one of the most laidback and enjoyable times of the year. If you’re a divorced or separated parent, however, it can quickly turn into one of the most stressful ones.

To kick the unknowns to the curb, schedule parenting time guidelines that leave no question as to how your children will split their time off. The earlier you can take this step, the more pleasant the following months will be!

Are you a single parent working to help your children grow accustomed to splitting their time between two homes? We know how difficult that can be, and we’re here to help.

On our site, you’ll find myriad resources designed to help ease this transition, including informative articles, an online scheduling tool, a finance management system, a messaging tool and more. Register for an account today to get started!

Separation is never easy and that’s doubly true when it comes to communicating with your child. If you’re a co-parent, there’s plenty of options for staying in touch with your child when he’s away. Modern technology has made communication easier than ever before!

It’s About More Than Technology

It’s completely natural to want to stay in regular contact with your children while they are away. That said, you’ll want to strike a balance between constant contact and unlimited freedom. Think about from your former spouse’s point of view: would you want your ex calling the kids every few hours when it’s ‘your’ turn?

The last thing you want to do is hover too closely. It’s co-parenting after all: let the kids have their time with their other parents! Allowing the children to stretch their legs with their co-parent is both normal and healthy.

The first step in keeping in touch with your children while they are away is to establish a set of ground rules with your former spouse. For example:

• Decide whether you’ll opt for scheduled calls
• Set limits (how much time spent communicating with the away parent is too much)
• Decide how you’ll handle communication on longer visits

Schedule Regular Phone Calls

It might seem like sacrilege to the younger generations, but phones are for more than just texting. Setting up a regularly scheduled phone call for your children is a great way to remain a consistent fixture in their lives. For example, if you have a 50/50 custody agreement, a phone call every few days is usually more than enough.

Opt For A Video Call

Voice calls work wonders, but seeing someone’s face puts the conversation on an entirely new level. It’s never been easier to set up a video call — consider FaceTime, Skype, and Facebook Messenger — so feel free to embrace this technology. Your children will thank you for it!

Texting Is Consistent

Texting is a way of life and for good reason: it’s convenient! Regular contact via text is simple, flexible, and adequate for most pedestrian conversations. Texting is far less intense than a phone call and is inherently casual. As such, it’s great for keeping in touch on minor details (“How was the movie?”) and doesn’t detract from the co-parents time with the kids.

Of course, it can be tempting to overreach when it comes to texting and expect a constant flurry of messages. Try your best to avoid this — no one likes a helicopter parent — and remember that your ex’s time is just as valuable as yours. The more freedom and leeway you afford the children, the better the relationship.

Bring Your Former Partner Into The Mix

Imagine setting up a board game for a night in only to find your kids having a video chat with your former partner. Surprises like that are unwelcome on both sides of the co-parenting coin!

Take the time to introduce your co-parent to the ways in which technology can be used to keep in touch. Establishing firm boundaries is a great way to ensure that technology helps (and doesn’t detract) your parenting relationship. For example, try avoiding phone calls during overnight visits where you might induce a sense of homesickness. Likewise, avoid asking too much about your former partner during conversations: focus on the children, not your ex.

Keeping In Touch Shouldn’t Be A Chore

When it comes to staying in touch with your children while they are away from home, keep it casual. Talk to your former partner and establish a set of ground rules and go from there. Between phone calls, video chats, and texting, there’s plenty of ways to keep in touch.

Make sure to respect your co-parent’s parenting time and your children will love you all the more for it!