Child discipline in an intact family is a responsibility shared between Mom and Dad. Once there is a divorce the custodial parent will have to take on the majority of this responsibility.

Non-custodial parents should remain as actively involved in child discipline as possible but it only makes sense that the parent spending more time with the child will end up doing most of the work where discipline is concerned.

It is a dirty job but someone has to do it! It is especially important that children who are struggling to cope with the changes in their family be given a structured environment to help them cope with the many changes that come along with divorce.

This is a guide for the custodial parent who may find themselves not only attempting to cope with the stress of being a single parent but also the impact of divorce on their child.

Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Workshop:

Busy children are less likely to get into or cause trouble. Keeping your child engaged in…

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By Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide

Divorce is often portrayed as a negative event, especially when children are involved. It is true that the process can be stressful and challenging for everyone in the family. But in certain circumstances, divorce can also bring about positive changes, particularly for kids. Here, we delve into five ways in which divorce can actually benefit children, offering them opportunities for growth and development that might not have been possible in an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage.

Here are five ways that your children can benefit from your divorce:

1. When Mommy and Daddy are happier as individuals, their kids will be too.

When both parents achieve personal satisfaction after divorce, it positively impacts their children. Kids can sense the emotional climate at home. Constant fighting between parents can lead to an uncomfortable and miserable environment for everyone concerned. However, when parents separate and move on, they have the chance to establish their own sense of happiness and fulfillment.This newfound sense of joy has the potential to permeate the entire family, creating a more positive and supportive environment for the children. You know children thrive when they have emotionally stable and content parents, as it provides them with a sense of security and well-being. Therefore, when children witness their parents’ happiness post-divorce, it greatly improves their own emotional and psychological outcomes.

2. When the tension dissolves out of the house, kids will be more relaxed.

Kids usually notice a big difference in their level of relaxation when the stress in the home following divorce goes down. According to psychological studies, children are extremely sensitive to the emotional climate in their surroundings. They can act as ‘barometers,’ reflecting the tension or harmony present in their surroundings through their behavior. When there’s ongoing conflict between parents, children may show signs of tension, anxiety, or violence.  But once the divorce happens and things settle down, you’ll notice a change in how the kids behave. They may become more relaxed, show fewer signs of distress, and interact more pleasantly with others. This shift in behavior underscores the profound impact that a decrease in household tension can have on children’s emotional well-being and overall adjustment to divorce.

3. When you model that you deserve to be in a satisfying and supportive relationship, you model something wonderful to your kids.

Kids learn a lot by watching their parents. If you’re in a marriage that makes you unhappy, it might teach your kids that being unhappy is okay in relationships. But that’s not true! Happy parents raise happier kids.

Research consistently shows that children benefit when their parents prioritize their own well-being and model healthy relationship dynamics. When you choose to divorce rather than stay in a toxic relationship, you are teaching your children important lessons about self-esteem, boundaries, and the pursuit of happiness. Although the transition following divorce may involve some initial adjustments, the long-term outcome is typically positive, as it demonstrates to your children that they deserve to prioritize their own emotional and relational fulfillment rather than settle for unhappiness.

4. With shared custody, kids have the opportunity to experience each parent as a full and competent parent.

When parents share custody after a divorce, kids get to see both mom and dad take good care of them. Before a divorce,one parent usually did most of the caring for the kids. But with shared custody, kids get to see each parent on their own. This helps them see how much attention and care each parent gives them. It also helps kids build stronger relationships with both parents and feel safe. Shared custody also encourages parents to share chores and decisions more equally. This shows kids how each parent can handle things at home. By seeing both parents’ strengths in a fair and loving environment, kids learn more about family and how to deal with changes.

5. There’s the potential for your kids to either witness you being happy on your own or finding a better partner, both of which are a good thing.

After a divorce, your kids might see you finding happiness again. This could happen by learning more about yourself (self-discovery) or even finding a new love.  Even if you don’t want a new partner, your kids can learn from seeing you happy on your own or in a good new relationship. This shows them important things like how to be happy by yourself, how to bounce back from tough times, and how to build strong connections with others.

It’s true divorce is really tough, especially for kids. But it’s important to see that good things can come out of it too. When parents split up, it can make home life less stressful, help parents get along better, teach kids how to handle tough situations, make parents focus more on what kids need, and show kids different ways of living and thinking. So, even though divorce is hard, it can also help kids grow and learn.

Emily and William are like many families in America. They’re middle class with steady jobs and have three kids. Their life is full of trying to manage work and family time. But William travels a lot for work, which leaves Emily feeling like a single parent even though they’re still married. This situation can be pretty stressful!

But here’s something interesting: Even though we often think of divorce as a hard and sad thing, it can sometimes make taking care of children a bit easier. When Emily and William decided to divorce, they had to figure out how to share time with their kids. It seemed like a hassle at first, but it turned out to be a positive change. They got to spend quality one-on-one time with their kids, something they didn’t really do before. Now, Emily can spend quality time with her children without any interruptions, and she also gets some alone time to relax and do things she loves.

Why am I telling you this story? Because couples like Emily and William aren’t the only ones. Divorce can sometimes make parenting easier, even though it seems tough at first. Today, we’ll explore why that might be true for you too.

Shifting Perspectives on Parenting Post-Divorce

After a divorce, the dynamics of parenting undergo significant shifts, often leading to a more positive and enriching experience for both parents and children. Here’s how:

• Parent-Child Relationship: Remember those nights when things were tense between you and your ex? Yeah, those aren’t exactly prime kid-bonding moments. But when you get divorce and things have settled, you can focus on quality time with your child, building a closer, more meaningful relationship. That has a significant favorable impact on co-parenting.
  
  
• Co-Parenting Dynamics: After a divorce, parents usually spend extra time learning about co-parenting. They might search online for parenting tips, strategies, and resources, and watch YouTube videos. Sometimes, they even sign up for online courses to learn more about parenting after a divorce. You probably did this too, right?  That’s because your child becomes your number one thing to care about. Learning to co-parent helps you get along better with your ex for the sake of the kids. Working together like this not only makes it easier to figure out custody and visitation, but also makes things nicer for the child. When co-parenting improves, it’s easier to handle disagreements and build loving relationships with the kids, which is really important for their happiness and health.
  
  
• Child Development: Children whose parents get divorced often become stronger, nicer, and better at taking care of themselves. They learn these things by watching how their parents deal with the divorce, like how they handle fights, set rules, and talk to each other. Learning these skills is super important because it helps your kids handle their own problems later on. Plus, it makes things easier for parents when it comes to raising their kids after the divorce.

The Importance of Scheduled Time Alone
Taking time for yourself after divorce isn’t just about taking a breather from parenting;
It’s about giving yourself time to rest and get better, which can actually make you an even better parent! Why is this so important?

Feeling Better Inside and Out:

• Feeling less stressed and having time for yourself can make your mind feel lighter and happier.
• When you’re alone, you can think about your goals and even learn new things. This makes you a super-smart parent, ready to tackle anything!
• With more energy and a calmer you, you can be a more positive parent and have tons of fun with your kids. Like, the best playmate ever!

Getting Stuff Done:

• Having time alone means you can really focus, whether it’s on work or a personal project, without someone asking you a million questions.
• Getting a good night’s sleep is easier when you can relax without any interruptions.
• When you have more time and fewer clutter, it is easier to maintain your home clean and organized. Which is ideal for raising children in a pleasant environment.

Being a Better Parent:

• Having a regular schedule for visits gives your child a sense of safety and routine, which can help them feel less worried.
• Spending time with your child regularly helps you stay connected and build trust with them.
• Having a set schedule for visits can reduce arguments between you and your ex, making it easier to plan things and work together as parents.

Nobody can promise that parenting will be a breeze after a divorce – life just isn’t that simple. However, weaving stronger connections with your kids is totally possible when you make those precious moments together count and keep the lines of communication wide open. 

Need help? Stay connected with 2houses.com. Our guidance and support can smooth out some of the bumps in parenting after divorce. You can try our parenting app too. It’s like having a parenting coach in your pocket, guiding you to be the perfect parent you’re meant to be.

Did you know that only about one-third of stepfamily marriages last? The statistic begs the question: What is the deciding factor between the families that make it and those that do not? I propose that if you have a Super Stepmom, your family will stay together.

A strong, focused stepmom can save the family. She is the secret weapon. Why do some stepmoms stick it out while others surrender? A Super Stepmom has three key attributes:

Resilience: The Foundation of Strength

Resilience is the bedrock of endurance. It embodies the steadfast resolve that declares, “I will uphold this marriage! I will foster a connection with these children! I will overlook disparaging remarks!” There are four facets of resilience: social, emotional, mental, and physical.

1. Social resilience is fortified by having an ally – someone who offers unwavering support. Spending time with a dear friend who brings joy and allows you to be yourself bestows superpowers upon you. The Super Stepmom forges ahead with strength, achieving her objectives through daily communication with her closest confidants.
2. Emotional resilience bolsters your fortitude. Can a stepmom ever possess enough resilience? The Super Stepmom maintains a buoyant spirit and a positive outlook on life. Encountering a challenging day? Cultivate a positive mindset!
3. Mental resilience involves honing your cognitive faculties.  It’s about dealing with problems, no matter how big or small. This could be something as simple as staying calm when you see a messy room, or something huge like finishing a marathon. Whatever the size of the challenge, you need to stay focused and keep trying hard. The Super Stepmom says, “My family and marriage come first. I’ll put in the time and effort needed.” She knows that if she keeps her focus, she’ll see good things happen.
4. To become a super step mom you should prioritize your physical well-being. You don’t have to stress over looking flawless, but it’s great to do some quick exercises to keep your heart, lungs, and mind in top shape. Next time you’re at a family gathering and need a breather, try stepping outside for a few jumping jacks. It’s a simple way to boost your energy and stay refreshed. Trust me, taking care of your physical well-being can make a big difference!.

Unconditional Kindness: The Superpower of Love

Unconditional kindness is the hallmark of a Super Stepmom. It involves consistently showing compassion and empathy towards your stepchildren, even in challenging circumstances. As you know our society still views stepmothers negatively. 

Consider a scenario where your stepchild is struggling academically and feels discouraged. Instead of criticizing or blaming them, you offer your support by helping with homework, providing encouragement, and celebrating their progress, no matter how small.

Furthermore, imagine your stepchild expresses resentment towards you, feeling torn between loyalty to their biological parent and acceptance of you. Instead of reacting defensively, you respond with patience and understanding. You reassure them of your love and commitment to their well-being, demonstrating that kindness knows no bounds.

Even amidst disagreements or misunderstandings, you maintain an unwavering commitment to kindness. For instance, if tensions arise during family discussions, you strive to de-escalate the situation by actively listening, validating others’ perspectives, and seeking common ground.

By consistently embodying kindness, you not only nurture a positive relationship with your stepchildren but also foster an atmosphere of trust, respect, and harmony within your blended family. This fosters emotional security and strengthens familial bonds, laying the foundation for long-term stability and happiness.

The Invisibility Cloak: Your Secret Weapon

Another important thing for stepmoms is what we call the invisibility cloak. It’s like having a special power that helps you in tricky situations.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you’re at a family party, and everyone is introducing themselves. When it’s your turn and you say, “I’m the stepmom,” suddenly it’s like you disappear. People start talking to others instead of you, and you feel completely ignored. Instead of feeling unhappy, you can be proud of your invisibility cloak.

Even though you might not get a lot of attention, you’re still super important! Just like a superhero who does amazing things without anyone noticing, you can make a big difference in your family. By being strong, kind, and using your invisibility cloak, you’re like a real-life superhero who helps keep your family happy forever!

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is like a storm brewing at the crossroads of family strife and child psychology. In the midst of divorces and custody battles, it emerges when one parent seeks to poison their child against the other, breeding unwarranted hostility and rejection. This concept, coined by psychiatrist Richard Gardner, ignites debates across mental health and legal domains.

Many parents are unaware that PAS exists in their family. Which can really mess up their kid’s life and even break up the whole family. Keep reading to learn more about PAS.

What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

Most parents get mixed up between Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and just regular Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) closely related with the concept, parental alienation. But Here’s the difference:

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS): This is when a child seems to really hate one parent for no good reason, because the other parent has been talking badly about them. There are signs a child might have PAS, but doctors don’t consider it a real illness and courts might not listen if someone brings it up.

Parental Alienation: This is when one parent tries to make the child dislike the other parent. The child might become scared of or avoid the other parent, even if that parent did nothing wrong.

Reasons why kids might get Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS):

1. Divorce or Separation

High-conflict divorces or separations are often a breeding ground for parental alienation, especially when children are used as pawns in disputes between parents.

2. Custody Battles

Legal battles over custody can exacerbate feelings of bitterness and resentment, leading one parent to speak negatively about the other in front of the child.

3. Psychological Manipulation

This includes bad-mouthing the other parent, blaming them for the family’s problems, lying about their actions or intentions, and suggesting that the other parent does not love or care for the child.

4. Limiting Contact and Communication

The alienating parent may attempt to limit the child’s contact with the other parent by refusing visitation, intercepting phone calls, or not passing on messages.

5. Creating Fear of the Other Parent

The child may be led to believe that the other parent is dangerous or intends to harm them, even when there is no evidence to support this claim.

6. Emotional Blackmail

The alienating parent might implicitly or explicitly coerce the child into rejecting the other parent by suggesting that their love or approval is contingent upon the child’s loyalty to them alone.

7. Undermining Authority

This can involve questioning the other parent’s decisions, undermining their authority, or diminishing their role in the child’s life in any way.

8. Enmeshment

The alienating parent might foster an unhealthy dependency by making the child feel responsible for their emotional wellbeing.

The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) profoundly affects children’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to a range of psychological difficulties. The impact of PAS on children can be categorized into three main areas:

Mental Health Challenges:

Children with Parental Alienation Syndrome may face a wide range of mental health issues.They typically struggle with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, and anxiety, which has a substantial negative influence on their general well-being and day-to-day functioning. Because of PAS, they can start having trouble with how they eat and how they see their bodies. Which makes them feel even worse about themselves. Also, the big emotional upset from PAS can turn into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). And if things get really terrible, your children might think about hurting themselves or making a suicidal decision too.

Substance Use and Emotional Challenges:

Your kids often face significant struggles with substance use and emotional well-being.  It’s concerning because more than half of these children turn to alcohol and drugs when they’re teenagers or young adults. They use these things to try to deal with their sadness and stress. They may also struggle with guilt and low self-esteem, feeling like they’ve been emotionally abandoned.

Relationship and Identity Issues:

Parental Alienation Syndrome makes it really hard for kids to have a good relationship with others and to understand who they are. Your kids might find it hard to trust people and to make and keep friends, even when they grow up. They also get mixed up about their own feelings and what they believe in. Which makes them feel really bad inside. This can lead to feeling really anxious, sad, and having other mental health problems that can last a long time.

How to Identify Signs of Parental Alienation

Spotting signs of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) isn’t always straightforward, but paying attention to certain behaviors and attitudes can really help you.

Signs to Watch for in Your Child:

• Pay attention if your child starts expressing unfair criticism or disapproval towards one parent.
• If they’re suddenly echoing the other parent’s views without any real reason, it might be a red flag.
• Notice if the child seems consistently angry or distant towards one parent, especially if it’s accompanied by sudden changes in behavior.
• Keep an ear out for any language they’re using that seems too harsh or mature for their age.
• And if they don’t seem to feel guilty about treating one parent poorly, that’s something to take note of too.

Signs of Potential Alienation from the Other Parent:

• Be cautious if your ex spouse is constantly bad-mouthing or spreading lies about you to your kids.
• If your ex partner withholds important information or gets in the way of communication between your child and you, it could be a problem.
• Watch out if your ex is using your child to gather information about you or making your child feel scared or resentful for no real reason.

Strategies for Combating Parental Alienation

Stopping parental alienation means doing a bunch of things to keep your bond strong with your kids :

Maintaining Positive Relationships:

Make sure to have a loving, happy relationship with your child, so they don’t feel left out.

Play with them in a way that’s both organized and free, let them take charge, and make sure it’s relaxed. Give them a safe place to share their feelings without criticism, showing that you’re there for them.

Legal and Documented Strategies:

Write down any changes in behavior and collect proof (like what people say, messages, or photos) of what the parent who’s causing problems is doing. If you have proof that the other parent doesn’t follow the rules about custody or lies, think about taking legal action. You might need a lawyer who knows about child custody to help you.

Get Support:

We know feeling rejected can be difficult, but you don’t have to go through it alone. You can consider seeking professional support through counseling or therapy for both you and your child. When you receive early support from specialists who understand parental challenges, it can make a huge difference. 

2houses.com can be your partner throughout your parenting adventure. Our specialists are ready to assist you in co-parenting and provide the essential skills to combat Parental Alienation.

Divorced co-parenting is a journey that many parents embark on after the end of a marriage or long-term relationship. It is a path that requires dedication, patience, and a commitment to putting the needs of the children first. In this article, we will explore the essential 5 C’s for a harmonious co-parenting journey. These principles, when applied consistently, can help divorced parents navigate the challenges of raising children together while living separate lives.

Co-parenting after a divorce will go more smoothly if you follow these 5 C’s:

1. Communication: The key to successful co-parenting

Communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. It is essential for parents to establish open and honest lines of communication to ensure that the children’s needs are met and their well-being is prioritized. Regular and respectful communication helps build trust and enables parents to make informed decisions together.Remember that good communication requires active listening, clear expression, and the willingness to compromise when required. By maintaining open lines of communication, parents can avoid misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and create a supportive co-parenting environment.

2. Cooperation: Working together for the children’s sake

Working together is super important when you’re co-parenting after a divorce. It means moms and dads need to forget about their own arguments and focus on what’s best for their kids. When parents team up, they can create consistent routines and rules that help kids feel safe and know what to expect. Cooperation also means sharing tasks like going to school stuff, doctor visits, and activities. Especially when kids are moving between homes in shared custody, it’s crucial to cooperate during those times. Imagine how sad it is for a kid to wait by the window, all set with their backpack, hoping their parent will show up. So, always show up and be on time. It’s important to plan for things like traffic delays. If you’re always late or unreliable, it stresses out not just the waiting parent but also the kid. That’s not a good way to start the week’s switch. When parents work together, kids feel safe and have a better chance of doing well, even though their parents aren’t together anymore.

3. Consistency: Establishing routines and boundaries

For children of divorce, co-parenting with consistency is a lifeline. Routine and predictability are essential, especially during such a significant life change. By establishing consistent schedules and routines in both households, you provide a safe harbor for your children. This stability significantly reduces the stress and anxiety they may experience due to the divorce. Predictable schedules offer comfort and reassurance, acting as a familiar anchor in a sea of change.

Beyond schedules, clear boundaries and expectations are equally important. Knowing what’s expected in each household fosters a sense of security and structure for your children. Consistency in parenting styles and discipline across both homes further reinforces a sense of unity. This shows your children that even though you live apart, you’re still a united front when it comes to their well-being.

4. Compromise: Finding middle ground and resolving conflicts

Compromise isn’t a suggestion, it’s a necessity for divorced co-parents. It involves finding middle ground and making decisions that are in the best interest of the children, even if it means setting aside personal preferences or desires.

When you and your ex have disagreements, it’s really important to try and find a middle ground that works for both of you. You can even get some help from professionals like mediators or therapists to figure things out together. Keeping the lines of communication open and working together can help you solve problems and move past the tough stuff.

To make sure your kids are okay, it’s really important to find good ways to work through your disagreements. You can do this by listening to each other and trying to see things from the other person’s point of view. Choosing the right time and place for your discussions can help keep things calm and private.

Getting help from professionals like family therapy or co-parenting training can also make it easier to deal with any issues that come up. With their help, you can face challenges with confidence and create a positive co-parenting environment that puts your children first.

5. Coping with emotions: Managing anger, resentment, and grief

Handling feelings of anger, resentment, and grief is also very important for co-parenting. When these emotions aren’t managed well, they can mess up communication between you and your ex, which can make things really tough for your kids. Plus, when you’re stuck in those negative feelings, it’s hard to be the best parent you can be. Managing them means you can focus on what’s important: your children’s well-being. It’s like clearing away the clouds so you can see the sunshine—handling those emotions helps you and your ex work together better and create a happier, healthier environment for your kids to grow up in.

So, the key to successful co-parenting after a divorce is remembering these 5 C’s. By following these simple rules, you and your ex can create a happy and healthy environment for your kids.  Even though it might be tough sometimes, being a good co-parent is totally worth it!  If you’re divorced and looking for help, check out our co-parenting app and install it on your phone right away. It’s got all sorts of cool stuff to make co-parenting a breeze.

In a world where fairy tales reign supreme, stepmothers often find themselves cast as the villains, perpetuating the age-old question: Why Does Society Hate Stepmoms? From wicked witches to domineering figures, modern retellings seem determined to pit biological bonds against all else.  In this article, we’ll figure out why society feels this way about stepmoms.

Reason #1 : The historical context of stepmoms and societal perceptions

Throughout history, stepmoms have been subjected to unfair treatment and negative perceptions. In folklore and fairy tales such as “Cinderella” and “Snow White” have cemented the image of the wicked stepmother in popular imagination. These stories often depict stepmothers as antagonistic figures, perpetuating the belief that stepmothers are inherently unkind or malevolent.

These ideas stuck around and made people believe that stepmoms are always mean and can’t love their stepkids. Even society’s rules made it tough for stepmoms. People used to look down on women who remarried after being widowed or divorced. They thought these women might mess up the traditional family or try to take property. So, stepmoms often got left out or judged unfairly.

These days, families are different, and love is more important. But stepmoms still have challenges fitting in. Reality is, not all stepmoms are like the ones in stories. Many real ones love and care for their stepkids, proving everyone wrong. So, even though stories make them look bad, stepmoms can be loving and kind in real life.

Reason #2 : Common misunderstandings and stereotypes about stepmoms

Big mistake people make about step-moms is thinking they want to be the real mom instead. This can cause problems in new families. Kids might feel they gotta pick sides, and the step-mom might seem like a mean replacement. But that’s not true! Step-moms aren’t there to take anyone’s place. They’re there to help out and make the family even stronger.

Another wrong idea is that step-moms are just cold and don’t care. People think they’re outsiders ’cause they’re not the real mom. But that’s not always the case! Lots of step-moms get super close to their step-kids and work hard to be friends.

Reason #3 : The impact of media on the portrayal of stepmoms

Media plays a significant role in shaping societal perceptions and attitudes towards stepmoms. Unfortunately, media often reinforces negative stereotypes, portraying stepmoms as antagonistic or neglectful.  Lots of movies and TV shows paint stepmoms as bad person, making it seem like all stepmoms are just mean. These portrayals don’t just give people the wrong idea about stepmoms, they also set up expectations that are impossible to meet.

But things are getting better! Nowadays, some TV shows and movies are showing stepmoms in a nicer way. They’re portrayed as kind and caring people who are just trying their best in blended families. When the media shows positive stepmom characters, it helps people see them in a new light and understand them better.

Reason #4 : The Challenging role of stepmoms in blended families

In blended families, stepmoms can face some tough challenges. Sometimes, stepkids see them as rivals because they want their biological parent’s attention. This can lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. Problems can also pop up when stepmoms have their own kids and it seems like they’re getting special treatment. Other issues might include disagreements about rules, trouble talking openly, and worries from stepkids about where they fit in. Stereotypes and not being sure about their role can make things even trickier.

But it’s important to know that these challenges aren’t because stepmoms are bad—it’s more about how the family works and everyone’s personalities.

How to change societal views alongside tackling this challenge?

To overcome challenges and improve relationships with stepchildren, stepmoms need to talk openly and understand each other’s feelings. They should do fun things together and respect each other’s space. It’s important for stepmoms to get support from their partners, other stepmoms, or support groups. They should also talk openly with their partners about how they want to parent together.

Society is starting to understand stepmoms better, but there are still stereotypes. We need to challenge these stereotypes and appreciate the different kinds of moms out there, including stepmoms.

Luckily, there are lots of places stepmoms can go for parenting help, like 2houses.com, online groups and local support groups. It’s important for stepmoms to reach out and connect with others who understand what they’re going through. Keep in mind becoming a super step mom is not a tough job. You just only need to follow some steps. Nothing else. 

In conclusion, society’s perception of stepmoms is often clouded by misunderstandings and stereotypes. By unraveling these misconceptions, exploring the historical context, and examining the impact of media, we can gain a deeper understanding of the complexities surrounding stepmom relationships. It is important for society to recognize the love, dedication, and sacrifices that stepmoms bring to their families. By embracing the diversity of mother figures and fostering a more inclusive and understanding society, we can create a supportive environment for all mothers, including stepmothers.

When a family finds itself in the middle of a separation or divorce, one of the first worries is “what about the children?” Research has shown that while divorce can be hard on children, its often the fighting of the parents that most directly affects the children. And the impact depends on how well the parents are able to isolate the children from these disruptions.

Many psychologists and other therapists have tips and suggestions on how best to help your children at times like these. One organization that provides a very good pamphlet and other information is the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.

Parenting is a lifelong job, and remember, you do not divorce your children. The following ideas are 7 tips to keep in mind to help buffer your children from the real and imagined problems they face during parental separation and or divorce:

1. Try to Maintain Consistency

One of the best things you can do is to maintain a regular routine and rules every day. It doesn’t matter how often your kids stay with you, having clear expectations for how they should behave is super important. This means:

• Make a plan for waking up, getting ready, school, chores, homework, TV time, and bedtime. Stick to this plan every day.
• Have clear rules about what happens if they behave well or not (like rewards for good choices and consequences for bad ones).
• Be strict but kind, and show them you love them.

During a divorce, kids might act out to see what they can get away with. It’s your job to be the steady grownup and show them life goes on even when things are not going smoothly.

Spending time with your kids regularly helps them feel safe and loved. Try to have some special one-on-one time with each child, even if it’s not for long. This will make a big difference for them.

2. Show Extra Affection

Another important point is that tough times are the best times to be more affectionate. You can show extra affection to your kids by talking openly with your kids so they feel safe sharing their feelings. Don’t hesitate to spend quality time with your child by engaging in activities they enjoy. When you start giving lots of hugs and cuddles, and saying kind things to make your child feel good about themselves. Also make an effort to listen to your kids without interruptions. Teach your youngster healthy coping mechanisms for their emotions. Be a source of strength by guiding them through challenges, celebrating their achievements. And always being there for them with patience and reassurance. As a parent you should always remember, a little more affection can make a big difference to children who are feeling scared or lonely. But, be careful, not to overdo this. 

3. Avoid Reversing Roles

Don’t switch roles with your kids during a divorce. It’s normal for them to want to cheer you up, but it’s best to keep the parent-child roles clear. You don’t want them to feel like they have to take care of you or your ex. That’s too much for them. Instead, get help from experts so you can concentrate on being there for your kids the way they need. By making sure they don’t shoulder adult responsibilities, you’re giving them the space to just be kids and helping them through this rough patch with strength and resilience.

4. Foster Connections

Help your children to stay connected. You should support your kids when they wanna hang out with friends or do stuff. It’s not a good move to switch schools or daycares if you can help it. Sometimes schools can bend the rules if you’re moving apart. You can talk to your therapist or school counselor about it. Even if you must move to a distant neighborhood and school district, make an effort to have sleepovers and playdates with their old friends, and encourage new friendships too.

5. Reassure Basic Needs

Reassure your children about the basic necessities. Your children need to hear that both parents still love them and that the problems aren’t their fault. So, Tell your kids that they’ll still get what they need, like food and a place to live. Let them know that you both parents still care about them, and that any troubles aren’t because of them.

Sometimes when parents argue about where to sleep, your kids might get scared and think they’ll have to sleep in the car. But no matter what, parents have to make sure their kids have everything they need – a comfy place to live, food, clothes, school stuff, and more. Tell your kid it’s all good, and that both parents are taking care of everything. And let them know they don’t need to worry about this stuff.

6. Minimize Exposure to Conflict

Shield your children from witnessing or being involved in parental disputes. Both parents should keep disagreements private. Always keep in mind, kids have a knack for overhearing things. Avoid putting them in the middle or making them deliver messages during arguments – that’s not their job. And as for asking them about your ex, it’s best to resist the temptation. If you really need to know something, just give your ex a call directly.

7. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is really important, especially during challenging times. This is true for everyone, whether you have kids or not. To feel your best, eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Don’t shut yourself off from others – spend time with friends and family who make you feel good. If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or angry, it’s okay to ask for help from a therapist near you or take a consultation from 2houses. Family therapy can also be a great resource for you.

Remember, the more you take care of yourself, the better you can take care of the people around you!

Must Divorced Fathers Become Second Class Citizens?

It was the last straw. The Millers (details have been changed) had invited Greg’s ex-wife Susan to their annual barbecue with the kids, and hadn’t even taken the time to explain to Greg why he’d been overlooked. It really hurt, especially because he had spent hours last summer helping the Millers set up their outdoor furniture and for the last three years had coached their youngest son in soccer.

Greg had elected not to tell their friends (and some family members) the details of the breakup and how much Susan’s indiscretions had hurt him. But by taking the high road, and keeping the details private, he was well aware there were those who assumed he had been the one who wanted the separation, when in fact, it was Susan who had surprised him with legal papers.

Greg understood that it would only be natural for their friends to be supportive of Susan. And he certainly wanted to know that things were okay for her and their children. But it floored him that some of their closest friends found it necessary to take sides.

Everyone seemed to rally around Susan and didn’t seem to realize how much Greg had been hurting. He would never get over the humiliation of walking to the back of the crowded auditorium, when seats had been saved for his family, but no one had thought of him.

He missed waking up to his children and the family routines he had cherished. He missed the familiarity of the home he’d shared with Susan the last fifteen years. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to his condo, or coming home to an empty house. He counted the minutes to the alternate weekends when his kids came. And, ironically, he also counted the minutes until they went home, because they always seemed to negatively compare his home to their mother’s. He wondered if he would ever be able to feel normal and move on from the pain.

As we all know, there are rarely winners when it comes to divorce. Each family member is impacted dramatically. And, of course, the extended family and friends are put in the unenviable position of trying to be supportive, as they grapple with their own feelings about the breakup. It’s not uncommon to focus our attention on the challenges women face as they start over and tend to the emotional needs of their children. And of course, we know this support will be invaluable. Many newly divorced women have been devastated emotionally and financially, and will surely appreciate sensitivity and compassion from those around them.

It’s important, though, to remember that many of today’s divorces have been initiated by women. Even if both parties have seen it coming for some time, and the announcement comes as no surprise, many husbands may still feel as if they’ve been blindsided. Their pride, self-esteems and bank accounts may have been seriously depleted, and they’re hurting badly. So, let’s not be too quick to assume they’re heartless cads whose selfishness and immaturity are solely to blame. And, while we’re on the subject, if we seek to enter the blame game, we may take on a polarized, critical stance, and participate in an ugly spiral that escalates a tense situation even further.

After a divorce, egos may be bruised and the parties may be hyper-sensitive to the judgments of those around them. The divorced family may assume they’ve been the subject of prurient gossip on the soccer field or at dinner parties, and may worry that every aspect of their lives has been scrutinized.

Men starting over may be very frightened by the enormous responsibility of maintaining two households at a time when they’re feeling inadequate and insecure. Knowing that we all need to grieve a major loss in a very personal way should remind us to assume that newly divorced men are hurting also and could benefit from our warmth and camaraderie. They may not have a solid support system readily in place.

The newly divorced man has usually lost the structure and comfort of his home and daily routines, and may have been accustomed to his ex-wife handling responsibilities that are now on his very full plate. He may miss the special moments of spontaneously snuggling with his children or being privy to their daily confidences. The limited visits with his children may feel forced or awkward, and over time, the comfort and closeness they once felt may have become strained. Hopefully, as the children mature and gain insight, a closer bond can be re-established.

There may be an assumption that he’s living the “life of Reilly” with his newly freed-up schedule — and that it’s no trouble at all to segue quickly to an active, satisfying social life. Don’t we all say: “It’s so much easier for a man. Everyone has a number to give him.” Obviously, this is not always the case. But even if the newly separated man has opportunities, it does not mean he isn’t dealing with loneliness or his self-esteem hasn’t taken a huge hit.

Most women have developed a support network and are more comfortable reaching out for what they need. Men were more often socialized to keep sad feelings to themselves; they don’t want to be perceived as wimps or whiners. So, they present a stiff upper lip and suffer silently. Assume they may be struggling more than they let on. No doubt, he’d be so appreciative if you took the time to call him or invite him over (with or without the children) for a casual catch up. Don’t press him to talk if he’s reticent. His pride may have suffered a great deal. He’ll open up if, and when, he feels safe to share.

As the newly divorced man faces the challenges of the next chapter, there will obviously be some tense moments and pitfalls, but if he is receptive, there are possibilities for tremendous growth and personal satisfaction.

by Linda Lipshutz

Only seeing your children every other weekend can be devastating. You miss them when they are not with you, and those few short days does not give you hardly enough time to settle into a routine before they are whisked back to the primary custodial parent.

If you only have standard visitation, this usually means that is the minimal allotted time you can spend with your children by law. By being respectful to your ex, using a little imagination and some ingenuity there are ways to see your children more. Be sure to read your parenting plan and decree carefully before taking any of the following steps, and if neither say you can’t do any of the following list, go and spend some more time with your kids! So what are you waiting for? As Nike says…Just do it!

1) Take lunch to your child at school

Nothing makes a kid feel more special than when a parent shows up with a bag of Mickey D’s under their arm at lunch time. Generally, the decree will not stipulate that you are not allowed to visit your child at school, and most schools will allow you to bring lunch to your child. Email the teacher and let them know ahead of time that you are coming and enjoy lunch and maybe even recess with your child! You will not only be your child’s hero, but this way of co-parenting technique will make you the coolest parent among their friends.

2) Coach a team sport your child plays on

Does your child like sports? Many kids have practice twice and a game each week. This is a great way to have more fun time with your child. Team sports are great for kids because it teach them socialization, the art of winning and losing and how to be a team player. All lessons that will add value to their lives. Just make sure to talk with your ex first. Keep his/him informed of practices and games and let them know that you will take care of everything. Your kid will appreciate that you’re both working together as parents. They will be super happy too, and you’ll be their hero once again.

3) Offer to make pickups and drop offs for extra-curricular activities

Your ex will most likely welcome the break, and if they don’t usually do the picking up, then let them know you have made arrangements with who does pick them up and you will be doing it. Be sure to explain to your ex that you have the time to do it and would love to help lighten her load. After you pick up your child, take them out for ice cream and help them with their homework. Not only does that give you some extra time, but also gets a very important step done that the primary caregiver generally stresses over.

4) Volunteer to be a chaperon on field trips for your child’s class

You get the whole day to spend with your child. I realize, many of you are saying…but, we have to work! Take the day off. What is more important? This is a special day and memory that you can create with your child and it is above and beyond your usual shared custody arrangement. Once again, check with your ex and see if they are planning on chaperoning for the field trip. If they are not, email the teacher and explain how important it is for you to be there and how much you are looking forward to it. Even if that teacher has enough parents for that event, I guarantee they will always take one more.

5) Attend all school plays and functions your child is in

No, this isn’t one on one time, but you see him or her and more importantly, they see a parent who is there to support them and cheer them on. Often times, parents without primary custody do not attend functions. Sometimes it is because they are not aware of them. But, you are entitled by law to be aware of them. Make sure you’re on the school’s email list so you don’t miss anything. Surprise your child by showing up at their events. These are big moments in your child’s life, and they’ll remember if you were there to support them. Make these moments even more special by being there.

6) During mid-week breaks, offer to take the kids in lieu of a babysitter

If you make your ex think you are doing them a favor, they will be grateful and be more agreeable. It is better than paying a babysitter, trust me. Arrange to pick your child up at the same time they would be going to school and to drop them off at the time when school is normally out. Don’t rock the boat by asking for extra time during these days. If your ex is agreeable this time to you taking your kids, then think about how easy it will be next time, and eventually, it could lead to more time with your children. Keep the big picture in mind.

7) Participate in all birthday parties for your child

Most decrees or parenting plans allow a parent who is not the primary custodian to spend a few hours with their children on their birthdays. You can tell your ex-spouse that you would like to be there for the party, even if it is just to watch them blow out the candles. If they are disagreeable, offer to pay for half of the party to attend. Most will agree when it comes down to the all mighty dollar and they have to spend less.

8) Babysit your kids instead of having a third party babysit

If your former partner has a job, then child care is needed. You can offer to pick them up after your work hours, or even leave work a little early once a week to get them from the babysitter. This way, your ex can save some money on childcare. Plus, it’s always best for kids to be with a parent when possible. Tell your ex that you will bring them home when they get back from work. They will appreciate that they can save some money and the fact that you are not taking advantage, but truly offering to help. If your ex is resistant to it, gently remind them that you are happy to add the first right of refusal into the decree if it is not already in place.

by Lee Block, Post-Divorce Consultant and Author.