2houses

19 December 202419 December 2024

How the 70/30 Custody Schedule Affects Siblings: A Guide for the Parent with 30% Custody

Co-parenting under a 70/30 custody schedule can feel challenging, especially when you’re the parent with 30% of the parenting time. You might worry about how your limited time affects your relationship with your children and the sibling bonds between them. However, by focusing on the quality of your interactions and fostering strong connections, you can make a positive impact despite the time constraints.

This guide is here to help you create meaningful connections, navigate challenges, and ensure your limited time has a lasting impact.

The Impact on Siblings: What Every 30% Custody Parent Should Know

If you’re a 30% custody parent, one big question that might cross your mind is: How does this custody arrangement affect my children as siblings?

The truth is, a 70/30 custody split can bring challenges for siblings. They might feel separated, jealous, or even a little unstable. But with the right approach, you can help them navigate these emotions and stay connected. Let’s break it down in a simple, clear way:

What Challenges Do Siblings Face in a 70/30 Custody Arrangement?

Feelings of Separation
When siblings have different schedules or spend time apart, they might feel disconnected from one another. This separation can make it harder for them to share experiences and build their bond.
Jealousy or Perceived Favoritism
If one child seems to spend more time with a parent or appears to get more attention, it can lead to feelings of jealousy or rivalry. Even small differences in time or treatment might feel unfair to a child.
Limited Shared Experiences
Siblings often bond over everyday routines—playing together, eating meals, or just hanging out. With limited time together, they might miss out on these small but meaningful moments, which can weaken their connection.

How to Be a Great 30% Custody Parent and Support Your Kids’ Bond

As a 30% custody parent, it’s important to make your parenting time count while ensuring your kids stay close as siblings. Here’s how to plan your time so it works for everyone:

1. Plan Fun Family Activities

Even with limited time, you can create lasting memories by choosing things everyone enjoys, such as:

Cooking or baking together as a family.
Exploring local parks or taking nature walks.
Playing board games or watching movies everyone loves.
And more!

2. Celebrate Special Moments in Creative Ways

If a birthday or milestone falls outside your time, you can still celebrate:

You can host a mini celebration during your visit.
Write a heartfelt note or make a photo slideshow to mark the occasion.
Plan a virtual party so everyone feels included.

3. Keep Sibling Bonds Strong When You’re Not There

You can help your kids stay close as siblings, even when they’re not with you.

Talk About the Importance of Supporting Each Other: Encourage them to look out for one another and praise their moments of kindness or teamwork.
Stay Connected Through Technology: Use video calls for family chats, share photos in a group album, or encourage online games they can play together.
Work with the Other Parent: Team up to make sure the kids get sibling time, like playdates or shared activities.

4. Handle Emotional Challenges

Sometimes, siblings might feel jealous, guilty, or lonely in a 70/30 custody split. Here’s how you can help:

Listen to Their Feelings: Let them share how they feel without fear of judgment. Saying things like, “I know this is tough for you,” shows you understand.
Avoid Comparisons: Each child has different needs, so focus on them individually instead of comparing.
Show Equal Love: Make sure all your kids know they are valued and loved, no matter how much time you spend with each one.

5. Address Sibling Conflicts Together

It’s normal for siblings to argue, but as a parent, you can guide them toward healthy conflict resolution:

Stay Neutral: Avoid taking sides. Instead, help them talk through the issue calmly.
Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Encourage your kids to express their feelings and brainstorm solutions together.
Reinforce Teamwork: Remind them they’re on the same team and focus on ways they can work together instead of against each other.
Follow Up: Check in later to see if the conflict is resolved or if they need more guidance.

By helping your kids handle conflicts, you teach them valuable skills and strengthen their sibling bond.

7 December 20247 November 2024

How to Navigate New Relationships While Co-Parenting with an 80/20 Custody Schedule

Co-parenting is no walk in the park, no matter what the custody arrangement looks like. But when you’re managing an 80/20 split, it can come with some unique hurdles. In this setup, one parent has the lion’s share of time with the child (about 80%), while the other parent has less frequent visitation (around 20%).

If you’re in this situation and trying to build a new relationship, things can get even more complicated and challenging. Juggling your child’s needs, your ex’s expectations, and the feelings of a new partner can be overwhelming. But it’s not something you can’t handle.

With a little planning and the right mindset, you can tackle these challenges head-on and create a balanced environment for everyone involved.

Co-Parenting Challenges When You Have an 80/20 Schedule and Start a New Relationship

When you’re a co-parent with an 80/20 custody schedule and you enter a new relationship, things can get complicated fast. Let’s break down some of the biggest challenges you might face and how to handle them.

1. Time Management and Scheduling Conflicts

If you have the kids most of the time, finding moments to spend with your new partner can feel almost impossible. You may even start to feel guilty or frustrated because you can’t seem to juggle everything. On the other side, if you’re the non-custodial parent, you might feel pressure to make every minute count with your child, which can squeeze out time to grow a new relationship.

2. Introducing Your New Partner to the Kids

Bringing a new partner into your child’s life is a big deal—especially when you’re the primary parent. Kids don’t always take change well. They might already be stressed from the divorce, and now they have to deal with someone new. It’s not uncommon for them to feel possessive or jealous when they see their parent with someone else.

Research shows that children often struggle when their parents introduce new relationships post-divorce. It can feel like their time with you is being threatened. So, take things slow, be sensitive, and keep their feelings at the forefront.

3. Managing Expectations with Your New Partner

A new relationship demands time and attention, but when you’re the primary parent, your time is stretched thin. Your new partner might get frustrated if they don’t fully understand the demands of your custody schedule.
Be upfront and honest. Explain that your child comes first. Let them know that you want the relationship to work, but it will take planning and flexibility on both sides.

4. Keeping a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship

Balancing your new relationship while maintaining a good co-parenting relationship is tough. Your ex might feel uncomfortable or threatened by the idea of you dating again, especially if you have most of the custody. Be clear about your boundaries and transparent about your situation, but don’t overdo it. Keep your focus on the kids and keep communication with your ex respectful and centered on their needs.

How to Handle a New Relationship When You’re Co-Parenting with an 80/20 Custody Schedule

1. Always Keep the Communication Lines Open

First things first: talk, talk, and talk some more! Communication is your best friend here—not just with your new partner but with your ex and your child, too. If your new partner expects more time with you than you can offer, be honest about your limitations. And when it comes to your ex, keep them informed of any changes in your life that might impact your child. This transparency helps everyone stay on the same page and avoids unnecessary conflicts.

2. Take It Slow When Introducing Your New Partner to the Kids

Don’t rush things when it comes to introducing your new partner to your kids. They need time to adjust—especially if you’re the primary parent. Start with casual group activities like a picnic or a movie night. Avoid putting them in one-on-one situations too soon. Gradual introductions help your child feel more comfortable and less like their space is being invaded.

3. Set Clear and Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are a must. Make sure your new partner knows that your child’s needs come first. Set boundaries with your ex, too, so there’s no confusion or conflict related to your new relationship. And don’t forget to set boundaries with your child. Let them know they’re your top priority, but your new partner deserves respect as well. Boundaries make everything run smoother for everyone involved.

4. Patience, Patience, and More Patience!

This isn’t a race. Building a new relationship while co-parenting can take time, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself, your child, and your new partner. There will be bumps along the way, but if you take things slow and stay focused on your child’s well-being, you can make it work. Patience allows you to build healthy relationships all around.

It’s no secret—you’re balancing a lot right now. Co-parenting with an 80/20 schedule while starting a new relationship is no small task, but it’s absolutely possible. Just stay patient, prioritize your child’s happiness, and embrace the ups and downs. With a bit of finesse, you can maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship and build a thriving new partnership.

So, take a deep breath—you’ve got everything it takes to pull this off and make it work beautifully!

4 December 20247 November 2024

How to Co-Parent an ADHD Child Without Losing Your Own Sanity

Co-parenting always comes with its own set of challenges, but when your child has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), it can add another layer of complexity. According to the CDC, about 9.8% of children in the U.S. are diagnosed with ADHD, which brings specific behavioral and emotional challenges that both parents need to navigate together.

But the hope is—with the right game plan and a bit of patience, you can co-parent your ADHD child without pulling your hair out. In this post, we’ll cover some simple strategies to help you co-parent a child with ADHD while staying calm and confident.

ADHD and Its Impact on Co-Parenting

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. It can significantly impact a child’s behavior, academic performance, and social interactions. For co-parents, the challenges are often amplified because managing ADHD requires consistency, clear communication, and a unified parenting approach.

When two parents share custody or co-parent from separate households, the complexities of managing ADHD become more pronounced. Children with ADHD thrive on routine and predictability, but maintaining this stability across different households can be difficult. If one parent prioritizes structure, routines, and clear expectations while the other takes a more relaxed or flexible approach, it can lead to inconsistency that disrupts the child’s ability to self-regulate.

Inconsistent rules or discipline can increase symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness, making it harder for the child to succeed in both home and school environments. This may also strain the co-parenting relationship as each parent may feel the other’s approach is not supportive or effective. As a result, disagreements about how to handle behaviors, set boundaries, and provide support can create tension, confusion, and frustration for everyone involved.

Strategies For Co-Parent an ADHD Child Without Losing Your Own Sanity

1. Focus on Communication and Consistency

One of the key things to make co-parenting work—especially when you’re raising a child with ADHD—is good communication. It’s not just important; it’s absolutely crucial. You and your co-parent need to be on the same page about your child’s treatment, medication, schoolwork, and daily routines. Even if you don’t agree on everything, having a united front on the big issues can save you a lot of headaches and keep things running smoothly.

Here’s what you can do to keep communication effective:

Set Clear Expectations: Make it a habit to check in regularly about your child’s progress and any challenges they’re facing. This could be a quick phone call every week or shared notes in a co-parenting app so you both stay in the loop.
Use Neutral Language: When discussing concerns, try not to sound blaming. Instead of saying, “You never follow the routine,” you might say something like, “I’ve noticed our child struggles more when the routine isn’t followed.” See the difference? It’s less about finger-pointing and more about solving the problem together.
Focus on the Child’s Needs: Always keep your child at the center of the conversation. It’s not about your differences as parents—it’s about what your child needs to thrive. ADHD isn’t something that just goes away, so taking a team approach is crucial for your child’s success.

2. Create a Unified ADHD Treatment Plan

When you’re raising a child with ADHD, they might need different types of support, like medication, behavioral therapy, or special help at school. That’s why it’s so important for you and your co-parent to work together on a solid treatment plan—one that covers both households and keeps your child’s needs at the center.

Key Parts of a Unified Plan:

Medication Management:
If your child is on medication for ADHD, both parents need to be in sync. Missing doses or changing the schedule can really mess with your child’s progress. Keep a shared calendar to track their medication schedule, and make it a point to talk about any side effects or concerns that come up.
Behavioral Therapy:
You and your co-parent can consider joining parent training programs to learn techniques for managing ADHD behaviors. Programs like Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) or the Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) can teach you effective ways to reinforce good behavior, handle impulsivity, and improve attention span. These are great tools to have when you’re both on the same page.
School and Learning Support:
Work together to create an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or 504 Plan with your child’s school. These plans offer accommodations like extra time for assignments, breaks during class, or even seating arrangements to help your child manage their ADHD symptoms while they learn..

3. Handling Stress and Coping with the situation

Raising a child with ADHD can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. It’s no surprise that many co-parents feel overwhelmed at times. That’s why taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your child. Without a little self-care, burnout is almost guaranteed, and that’s not good for anyone.

Self-Care Tips for Co-Parents:

Schedule “Me Time”:
You need time to recharge, plain and simple. Find a regular slot to do something that relaxes you—whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or just hanging out with friends. Remember, parenting a child with ADHD is a marathon, not a sprint. Taking small breaks will keep you going strong in the long run.
Seek Support:
It’s okay to ask for help. Talk to friends, family, or even a therapist if you need it. And if you can, join an ADHD parent support group. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others can make you feel less alone and more equipped to handle challenges.
Practice Mindfulness:
Try incorporating mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation into your routine. Studies have shown that these simple practices can lower stress and help with emotional regulation. Just a few minutes each day can make a big difference in your well-being

4. Flexibility and Adaptability: Knowing When to Make Adjustments

While keeping a routine is super important when raising a child with ADHD, it’s just as important to know when to be flexible. Let’s face it—ADHD can be unpredictable. Some days are going to be tougher than others, and being able to adapt without losing your cool is crucial for your own sanity.

Tips for Adapting to Changing Needs:

Know When to Bend the Rules:
Sometimes, you just have to let go of the plan. If your child is having an especially tough day—maybe they’re overstimulated or extra irritable—it’s okay to skip a non-essential activity. Give them some time to calm down before jumping back into homework or chores. It’s all about knowing when to push and when to pull back.
Adjust How You Communicate:
If the way you’re communicating with your co-parent isn’t working, don’t be afraid to change it up. Maybe those weekly phone calls are too stressful or don’t fit your schedule. Try switching to email check-ins or using a co-parenting app instead. Find what works best for both of you so that communication stays smooth and stress-free.

Final Thoughts: Co-Parenting with Grace and Sanity

Co-parenting a child with ADHD is no walk in the park. It’s tough, it’s exhausting, but it can also be incredibly rewarding when you and your co-parent get it right.

Need some extra guidance or support along the way? Reach out to the 2houses team. We’re here to help you navigate the ups and downs of co-parenting with confidence and calm. After all, parenting is a journey—why not have a great co-pilot by your side?

Ready to take the next step? Let’s make co-parenting a win for everyone!

30 November 20247 November 2024

Managing ADHD in a Blended Family After Divorce: A Guide for Co-Parents

Life after divorce is tough enough, but bringing two families together? That’s a whole new level of challenge! Now, imagine adding ADHD into the mix—suddenly, everyday routines can feel like navigating through a storm. ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, can impact how kids learn, connect with others, and handle emotions, which makes blending families a bit more tricky. But don’t worry, there’s hope! With the right approach, you can make it work smoothly.

In this post, we’ll share tips on managing ADHD in a blended family after divorce, so you can create a happier, more peaceful home.

Challenges ADHD Brings to a Blended Family

Blended families come with their own unique set of challenges, and when ADHD is added to the mix, things can get even trickier. Imagine you’re a step-parent trying to build a bond with your stepchild, but you don’t know they have ADHD. You might see certain behaviors as rude or lazy when, in reality, they’re struggling with things that are out of their control. This can lead to a lot of frustration on both sides.

Biological parents also don’t know how to handle ADHD. Maybe one parent wants to stick to a strict routine, while the other is more relaxed. This back-and-forth can be really confusing for a child with ADHD because they often need consistency and structure to feel secure.

Another common issue is when the child says, “You’re not my real parent,” to the step-parent. It’s hurtful, but it’s even harder when ADHD is in the picture. Kids with ADHD can have a tough time managing their emotions, which makes it difficult for them to connect with new family members.

Btw, Let’s talk about some of the biggest challenges ADHD can bring to a blended family:

Kids with ADHD might struggle to understand social cues, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in the family.
When parents and step-parents don’t agree on how to handle ADHD, it confuses the child and adds anxiety.
A child with ADHD often needs extra attention, which can cause step-siblings to feel jealous or left out.
ADHD can lead to impulsive behavior and emotional outbursts, creating stress for everyone in the family.
Managing ADHD while building new family relationships can overwhelm parents and lead to burnout.
Advocating for the educational needs of a child with ADHD is challenging, especially in a blended family setting.
The involvement of multiple parents and schools can complicate the process of supporting a child’s learning needs.

Strategies for Managing ADHD in a Blended Family

Successfully managing ADHD in a blended family requires flexibility and cooperation. Below are some practical strategies to ensure your child with ADHD receives the support they need:

1. Keep Routines Consistent Across Both Homes

Kids with ADHD thrive on routines. They feel more secure when they know what to expect. So, if your child is moving between two homes, try to keep things as consistent as possible. This means having similar rules, schedules, and bedtimes.

For example, if your child spends weekdays with mom and weekends with dad and stepmom, make sure bedtime is the same in both places. You can even use a shared calendar to track bedtimes, homework schedules, and activities. This helps your child stay on track and minimizes confusion and anxiety.

2. Talk, Talk, and Talk Some More

Communication between parents is key. Make sure both biological and step-parents are on the same page when it comes to managing ADHD. Share what works, what doesn’t, and any medication schedules. Regular check-ins between everyone will help you identify and address any problems before they grow.

Keep all parents involved in therapy sessions or treatment plans. That way, everyone is working together, and your child benefits from a unified approach.

3. Help Your Child Express Their Feelings

Kids with ADHD often struggle with managing their emotions. Create a safe space where they can talk about their feelings, whether it’s with a parent, step-parent, or therapist. Let them know it’s okay to feel frustrated or anxious, and encourage them to share those feelings.

For example, if they’re feeling uneasy about being part of a new family, let them talk about it. Just knowing that they’re being heard can make a huge difference in reducing stress and anxiety.

4. Teach the Whole Family About ADHD

It’s important that everyone in the blended family understands what ADHD is. This includes siblings, step-parents, and extended family members. ADHD isn’t about bad behavior or poor parenting—it’s a neurological condition.

Talk openly with your family members about ADHD. This helps clear up any misunderstandings and builds empathy and patience among all family members.

5. Get Professional Help When Needed

Blended families with ADHD can benefit greatly from family counseling. A therapist can offer strategies tailored to your specific situation and help with any issues that arise. ADHD coaching can also provide valuable support for your child and offer parents guidance on managing symptoms.

Managing ADHD in a blended family isn’t always easy, but with a bit of planning and open communication, you can create a supportive environment for your child to thrive. Keep talking, stay consistent, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

22 November 20247 November 2024

Can You Be a Mix of Authoritative and Authoritarian? Is it Good for Your Kids?

Parenting is like walking a tightrope—balancing love and discipline without losing your footing. But what if you could blend the nurturing vibe of an authoritative parent with the firmness of an authoritarian?

Is it really possible to craft a parenting style that’s equal parts love and control? And most importantly, how does it impact your child’s growth and development?

In this post, we’ll break it down, bust myths, and reveal if mixing these approaches can actually work wonders for your kids.

Can You Blend Authoritarian and Authoritative Styles?

Many parents find themselves unconsciously adopting a mix of parenting styles. For instance, Maybe you’re firm and strict when it comes to rules around safety, but more flexible and understanding when dealing with schoolwork or emotions. So, does this combination actually help your kids, or does it just leave them confused?

Well, it’s all about balance and consistency. And my answer is – Yes, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles can work, but only if you’re careful not to send mixed messages. A combination of authoritarian and authoritative approaches can be effective when done thoughtfully.

However, If you’re constantly switching approaches, it might create uncertainty for your child.

The Risks of Inconsistent Parenting

Through a survey of thousands of families, we noticed a common pattern: parents often switch up their parenting style to manage different situations with their kids. But here’s the thing—this inconsistency can sometimes do more harm than good.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children who experience mixed messages from their parents are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation and develop anxiety or defiance.

For example, if one day you’re strict and authoritarian, and the next you’re lenient and nurturing, your child might feel lost about what’s expected of them. It’s like changing the rules of a game halfway through—no one knows what to do next!

Benefits of a Well-Blended Approach

When you mix the right amount of structure and support, it can really work wonders for your child. You know kids need both structure and emotional support. So, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles—when done thoughtfully—can help achieve this balance.

Here’s what that looks like: you can stick to the rules like an authoritarian parent, but also talk to your child and show understanding like an authoritative parent. This way, your child knows what’s expected of them, and they feel supported too. They’ll follow the rules because they understand why they’re important, not just because they’re scared of punishment.

When the Mix Leans Too Far Toward Authoritarianism

The balance of parenting styles is really important. If a parent is too strict and controlling (authoritarian), the benefits of being firm yet supportive (authoritative) may be lost. A parent who is usually strict but occasionally tries to be supportive might not give their child the emotional security they need.

From what we’ve seen, kids who grow up in very strict homes often have low self-esteem, trouble with friends, and behavior problems. Sometimes, strict parenting can make kids want to rebel against their parents. When rules are too harsh and punishments are severe, children may become afraid to make mistakes. This fear can stop them from becoming independent and confident..

Final Thoughts – Strive for Balance, but Aim for Authoritative

It’s important to mix parenting styles, but you should aim to be more authoritative.

Good parenting isn’t just about letting kids do whatever they want. It’s about creating a structured environment where children know the rules and what happens if they break them, while also feeling supported and encouraged to grow. By combining good communication, warmth, and discipline, parents can build a healthy and trusting relationship with their kids, helping them succeed in life.

In the end, mixing parenting styles can work, but always make sure to put emotional support first. If you need help with parenting, schedule a meeting with us. Our experienced parenting coach is here to help you become the best parent you can be!

17 November 20247 November 2024

How to Transition from Authoritarian to Authoritative Parenting

Parenting is a journey that keeps changing as our kids grow. What worked yesterday might not be enough today. If you’ve been using a strict parenting style with lots of rules and high expectations, you might want to consider shifting to a more flexible approach. This change can lead to healthier relationships and happier emotions for both you and your child.

Authoritative parenting sets high standards but also includes warmth, support, and open communication. Let’s dive into how you can make this shift and why it’s so important for a happy family life in the long run.

The Difference Between Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

Before we get into the how-to, let’s take a moment to understand the big differences between these two parenting styles.

Authoritarian Parenting: This style is all about strict rules and doesn’t focus much on emotions. Parents expect their kids to obey without any discussion. Because of this, children in authoritarian homes often feel ignored. This can lead to problems like low self-esteem and feelings of resentment.

Authoritative Parenting: On the other hand, authoritative parenting mixes high expectations with emotional support. Parents set clear rules but also talk openly with their kids. This allows children to express their feelings and opinions. Kids raised in authoritative homes usually grow up to be more disciplined, confident, and better at handling their emotions.

If you want to learn more, check out our article “Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting.” We break down the differences step by step, making it easy to understand.

The Effects of Authoritarian Parenting on Children

From our experience we see that kids raised in authoritarian households often face big challenges. They can struggle with anxiety, feel emotionally distant, and act out. A famous study by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s found that children in these strict homes usually lack the social skills and confidence that kids with more supportive parents have. It’s also common to see that authoritarian parenting can lead to rebellion in teenagers.

Let me share a story about a family in Bridge City, TX. There was a 15-year-old girl named Maria who lived under her father’s strict rules. There was no room for negotiation. Even though she did well in school, she was always afraid of making mistakes, which made her very anxious. Feeling alone, she started to rebel in small ways—like lying about where she was or avoiding talks with her dad.

When her father finally realized that his strict approach was pushing Maria away instead of helping her succeed, he decided to learn about authoritative parenting methods. He wanted to rebuild their relationship and create a more open and supportive environment.

Steps to Transition from Authoritarian to Authoritative Parenting

1. Start with Self-Reflection
The first step is to recognize your authoritarian habits. Do you often set rules without explaining why? Is there little open communication? Take some time to reflect on your parenting style. Knowing where you are will help guide the changes you need to make.

Tip: Try journaling your thoughts and parenting challenges—it can help you see patterns and understand what needs to change.

2. Develop Open Communication

One key aspect of authoritative parenting is making sure your child feels heard. Start having conversations about their feelings and opinions. This doesn’t mean letting them have their way, but rather giving them a chance to express themselves while you maintain boundaries.

For example, if your child asks for more screen time, instead of just saying “No,” explain why you have limits and maybe offer a compromise, like extra screen time on weekends. This way, they feel respected and you still keep control.

3. Offer Choices Within Limits

Authoritarian parents sometimes think that giving choices weakens their authority. But providing limited options helps kids develop decision-making skills while you stay in charge.

For instance, instead of saying, “Do your homework now,” offer them a choice: “Do you want to do your homework now or after dinner?”

In Maria’s case (the girl from Bridge City, TX), her dad started giving her small choices, like what to wear or when to complete chores. She felt more in control, and soon, she was more open to discussing bigger family rules.

4. Set Clear but Flexible Boundaries

Authoritative parents set high standards but know flexibility is important. Start by explaining the reason behind each rule. If you have a curfew for your teen, tell them it’s for their safety and well-being. Be willing to adjust when needed, like extending curfew for a special school event.

5. Build an Emotional Connection

Authoritarian parents often overlook the emotional side of parenting. Make an effort to connect with your child. Spend more time together, listen without judging, and show empathy when they’re upset.

Studies show that children with strong emotional bonds to their parents are less likely to rebel. A study from the University of Delaware found that teens who are emotionally connected with their parents can manage stress better and are more open to discussions.

6. Use Positive Reinforcement Instead of Fear

In authoritarian households, discipline usually involves fear of punishment. Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, focuses on teaching. Start by using positive reinforcement—praise your child when they follow the rules or show good behavior. For example, tell them you’re proud when they finish their homework on time or handle a tough situation calmly.

7. Be Patient with the Transition
Moving from authoritarian to authoritative parenting won’t happen overnight. Your child might resist at first, especially if they’re used to following rules out of fear. Be patient, and let the relationship grow at its own pace.

In Maria’s case, her father faced resistance when he tried to talk things out instead of just giving orders. But as Maria started to see that her voice mattered, their relationship got better, and her anxiety went down.

Final Thoughts

Making the switch from authoritarian to authoritative parenting is a positive change that can really benefit your child’s emotional and mental growth. As I said before, the reality is – It won’t happen overnight. But with patience and consistent effort, you’ll see the rewards—a stronger relationship with your child and a happier home.

Need help or advice? Reach out to the 2houses team. We’re here to support you!

14 November 20247 November 2024

How Authoritarian Parenting Can Lead to Rebellion in Teenagers

Imagine growing up in a home where every move is monitored, every choice questioned, and any hint of independence is met with disapproval. That’s how it was for Reene. Her parents weren’t just strict—they enforced a set of rules so rigid that even a minute past curfew felt like a crime.

The intention was to keep her safe, shield her from potential harm, and mold her into the “perfect” daughter. But instead of feeling secure, Reene felt suffocated. The tighter her parents held the reins, the more she yearned to break free.

By the time high school rolled around, Reene wasn’t just pushing boundaries—she was shattering them. Skipping classes, sneaking out at night, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and even experimenting with underage drinking became her norm. It was her way of taking back the control she felt was stolen from her.

When her parents discovered what was going on, they didn’t loosen up. Instead, they cracked down even harder, adding more rules, restrictions, and severe punishments. The result? A relationship that grew colder and more distant by the day.

Reene’’s story isn’t unique. In fact, it highlights a common issue: the paradox of authoritarian parenting. Often fueled by love and the desire to protect, this approach can backfire, pushing teenagers toward rebellion rather than keeping them safe.

Curious about why this happens and what you can do differently? Let’s dive into the complexities of authoritarian parenting and discover how it can turn well-meaning intentions into a recipe for conflict and defiance.

Let’s Understand The Psychology Behind Teenage Rebellion

As a parenting coach, I want to help you understand what’s happening in your teenager’s mind. It’s important to know that teenagers are hardwired to seek independence and figure out who they are. Psychologists like Erik Erikson point out that this time in their lives is all about exploring freedom and building their identity.

When parents use a strict, authoritarian approach, it can make teens feel trapped. Instead of seeing rules as safety nets, they start to view them as unfair limits on their freedom.

Teens raised in strict households often don’t learn how to think critically about their choices. They may follow rules, but it’s usually out of fear of punishment rather than understanding. As they grow and feel the urge to be independent, they might rebel to take back control over their lives. This rebellion can show up in different ways, like breaking rules, taking risks, or directly challenging their parents.

What Research says on Authoritarian Parenting and Rebellion

Studies show that strict, authoritarian parenting can lead to problems for teens. Research from the University of New Hampshire found that kids with authoritarian parents struggle more with social skills and are more likely to rebel than those with parents who use a more balanced approach, like authoritative parenting. The lack of open communication and emotional support in strict households makes teens feel misunderstood and controlled, pushing them to act out as a way to claim their independence.

Another study, published in the Journal of Adolescence, looked at how different parenting styles affect teens over time. It found that teens with authoritarian parents often showed more defiance and aggression, especially when their parents were too controlling or ignored their feelings. These teens were also more likely to deal with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, which made them even more rebellious.

Why Teens Often Rebel Against Authoritarian Parents – Insights from Over a Decade of Experience

Over the past decade, We’ve spoken with countless parents about their struggles with strict, authoritarian parenting styles. One thing we’ve noticed, time and again, is that enforcing rules without room for open conversation or mutual respect leads to one big issue: a loss of trust.

When you constantly set rules and punishments without considering your teen’s thoughts and feelings, they don’t see it as guidance—they see it as control. And that’s when the rebellion starts. Here are some key reasons why strict parenting can push teens to act out:

1. Lack of Independence

Teens want to feel independent. When they’re not given the chance to make choices or share their opinions, they start feeling powerless. Rebellion then becomes their way of taking back some control over their own lives.

2. Resentment and Frustration

Strict rules can make teens feel resentful. They may start seeing you as more of a boss than a parent. This resentment builds up over time and can turn into defiant behavior as they try to express their frustration.

3. Risky Behavior

Teens raised under rigid rules often take risky actions—like sneaking out or drinking underage—as a way to rebel. It’s their way of showing they can make their own choices, even if those choices aren’t the safest.

4. Poor Decision-Making Skills

If teens aren’t allowed to make their own decisions or learn from their mistakes, they miss out on valuable life lessons. This lack of experience can lead to poor choices later, which only adds to the cycle of punishment and rebellion.

5. Bullying and Revenge

There’s also a link between authoritarian parenting and bullying. Studies show that kids with strict, controlling parents are more likely to be involved in bullying—either as victims or perpetrators. When kids feel trapped or punished at home, they might take out their frustrations on others or seek revenge in harmful ways.

Is There Any Better Alternative If Authoritarian Parenting Causes Trouble?

If you’re looking for a more effective way to raise well-rounded teens, consider switching the parenting style.

Yes, I’m talking about authoritative parenting. It’s like finding the perfect balance between being a cool friend and a wise parent. You set the rules, but you also listen to them and explain why they’re important.

Trust me, it works. A study showed that teens raised this way are less likely to rebel and more likely to make good choices. They feel heard and respected, which is a big deal!

So, instead of being too strict or too laid-back, try being a supportive guide. Give them room to grow, but also let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.

It might just make a world of difference in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Authoritarian parenting may feel like it keeps things in order, but it often leads to more problems.

Especially when your child becomes a teenager. Strict rules and lack of emotional support can make teens want to rebel even more. Finding a balance between setting rules and keeping communication open can help your teen navigate this challenging stage without unnecessary conflict.

Need help with parenting strategies? Contact us today for personalized advice and support!

13 November 20247 November 2024

Co-Parenting Therapy vs. Mediation: What’s the Difference?

Handling co-parenting after a separation or divorce can feel like walking through a maze. It’s tough to keep things smooth when emotions run high, but clear communication and problem-solving are crucial for your kids’ well-being. This is where co-parenting therapy and mediation can help. They each have their own way of tackling conflicts.

Once you understand how each one works, it’ll be much easier to decide which is the best fit for your family.

What is Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is a specialized form of counseling that focuses on helping parents work together to raise their children despite the end of their romantic relationship. A licensed therapist or counselor typically guides this process, with a primary goal of improving communication, reducing conflict, and focusing on the emotional needs of the children.

Key Aspects of Co-Parenting Therapy:

Communication Skills: Therapists work with parents to improve their ability to listen, express their needs respectfully, and manage conflict constructively.
Focus on the Children: The well-being of the children is always the priority. Therapy often explores the impact of parental conflict on kids, aiming to minimize stress and anxiety.
Conflict Resolution: Parents are taught conflict management strategies, helping them to de-escalate arguments and work through disagreements more effectively.
Long-Term Support: Co-parenting therapy can be an ongoing process, helping parents adjust to changes in circumstances as children grow and life evolves.

What is Mediation?

Mediation is a conflict resolution process where a neutral third party—usually a trained mediator—helps parents resolve disputes about their parenting plan, child custody, or other post-divorce matters. Unlike therapy, which focuses on long-term relationship improvement, mediation is typically used to settle specific issues quickly and efficiently.

Key Aspects of Mediation:

Neutral Party: The mediator doesn’t take sides. Their role is to facilitate a fair discussion, ensuring both parents have a voice in the decision-making process.
Focus on Agreements: Mediation aims to create clear, legally binding agreements on specific issues, such as custody schedules, financial responsibilities, or holiday arrangements.
Voluntary Process: Both parties must agree to mediation, and the goal is to reach a compromise without needing to go to court.
Short-Term Solution: Mediation often resolves specific disagreements within a few sessions, rather than providing long-term relationship counseling.

Co-Parenting Therapy vs. Mediation : Key Differences

Here’s a quick look at the main differences between co-parenting therapy and mediation. Check out the table below –

Aspect	Co-Parenting Therapy	Mediation
Goal & Approach	Co-Parenting Therapy is therapeutic and aims to improve communication and reduce conflict in the long term. It focuses on emotional well-being and how parents can better collaborate for the benefit of their children.	Mediation is solution-focused, with the goal of resolving specific disputes quickly. It helps parents come to an agreement on practical matters like custody schedules or financial issues.
Duration	It can be a long-term process, with sessions continuing over months or even years to support ongoing challenges in the co-parenting relationship.	Short-term process, typically lasting a few sessions until an agreement is reached.
Outcome	Therapy doesn’t usually result in legally binding agreements, though it can improve the co-parenting relationship over time.	Mediation often results in a legally binding agreement that both parents must adhere to
Professional Involvement	Co-Parenting Therapy is led by a licensed therapist or counselor who has expertise in family dynamics and child development.	Mediation is facilitated by a neutral mediator, often someone with legal or conflict resolution training, but not necessarily a therapist.

Which Option is Best for You? Co-Parenting Therapy or Mediation?

Choosing between co-parenting therapy and mediation depends on the issues you are facing and your goals for resolving them.

Choose Co-Parenting Therapy if:
- You want to improve long-term communication with your co-parent.
- You are looking for emotional support and strategies for reducing conflict.
- Your primary focus is the well-being of your children, and you’re open to ongoing sessions.
Choose Mediation if:
- You need to resolve a specific dispute quickly (e.g., custody, finances, holiday schedules).
- You want a legally binding agreement without the cost and stress of court proceedings.
- You feel capable of cooperating for a short-term solution with the help of a neutral party.

You Can Try a Hybrid Approach Too

Sometimes, parents benefit from both therapy and mediation at different points in their co-parenting journey. For complex situations, you might need both.

For example, therapy can improve communication and reduce tension, making mediation more effective. On the other hand, mediation can quickly settle pressing issues, while therapy helps you build long-term tools to avoid future conflicts.

We hope this helps you understand the key differences between co-parenting therapy and mediation. If you’re unsure which option is best, think about the unique needs of your family and what will provide the most immediate benefit.

For more guidance or support, feel free to schedule a meeting with us!

12 November 20247 November 2024

Co-Parenting Therapy for High-Conflict Parents: Can It Work?

Co-parenting isn’t easy, especially when there’s a lot of tension between parents. Whether it’s from a tough divorce, different views on raising kids, or personal issues that never got resolved, finding a way to work together can feel impossible.

That’s where co-parenting therapy steps in—like a referee, a peacekeeper, and a translator all rolled into one. But can it really turn chaos into calm?

In this article, we’ll talk about what co-parenting therapy involves and if it actually works for parents who struggle to get along.

What includes in Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is for parents who have broken up but still need to raise their kids together. It’s not about fixing your relationship with your ex, but it is about making sure your kids come first.

So, what does co-parenting therapy cover? It’s more about doing things than just talking.

Here’s what you’re looking at:

Creating a Parenting Plan: You both need to know who’s picking up the kids, who’s handling doctor appointments, and all that stuff. No more miscommunication or crossed wires—just a clear plan.
Setting Boundaries: You need to decide what’s acceptable behavior when dealing with each other. Are pop-in visits allowed? What’s the tone of communication? Get these things sorted.
Handling Disputes: When arguments over bedtime, screen time, or discipline come up, you’ll need tools to manage them. You don’t want the kids caught in the middle of your disagreements.
Supporting the Kids’ Emotions: The kids are going through a lot too. This therapy helps you figure out how to talk to them about what’s happening and support them emotionally.
Improving Communication: Yeah, you probably don’t want to talk to your ex more than you have to. But in co-parenting, communication is key. You’ll learn how to do it in a way that’s calm and productive.

The Need for Co-Parenting Therapy in High-Conflict Situations

High-conflict co-parenting typically involves frequent arguments, poor communication, and difficulties in making joint decisions. And you know who suffers the most? The kids.

When parents can’t get along, kids often end up dealing with anxiety, depression, acting out, and even having trouble in school. The American Psychological Association (APA) has found that kids do much better when their parents can find a way to work together—no matter how much they dislike each other.

So, if you and your ex are constantly butting heads, co-parenting therapy is worth considering. It’s a safe space where you can both learn how to manage conflicts better and focus on what truly matters—your kids.

Does Co-Parenting Therapy Really Work For High Conflict Parents?

The moment you’re thinking about taking co-parenting therapy, a common question that also may arise on your mind. Which is whether it can be effective for high-conflict parents who frequently disagree. Does co-parenting therapy truly work in your situations where there’s significant tension between your ex spouse?

Well, research suggests that co-parenting therapy can be effective, though the outcome often depends on the willingness of both parents to engage with the process. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that parents who participated in structured co-parenting programs reported lower levels of conflict and better overall parenting satisfaction compared to those who did not.

Importantly, children in these families showed improvements in emotional well-being and school performance. Also it helps resolve disagreement and minimise conflict. Also help parents to enhance parenting skills, and reduce stress and anxiety.

From our experience we also see that Co-parenting therapy can work for high-conflict parents, but its success hinges on the commitment of both parties to the process. However, success is not guaranteed, particularly when one or both parents are unwilling to cooperate. In cases where there’s entrenched animosity or abuse, therapy may not be enough to bridge the gap. This is why some therapists recommend mediation or even parallel parenting, where parents have limited direct interaction but still work to co-parent.

The Challenges of Co-Parenting Therapy in a High conflict parents

While therapy has the potential to create a more peaceful co-parenting dynamic, it’s not a magic cure. There are several challenges that you should keep in your mind too:

Both Parents Need to Participate: For therapy to be effective, both parents must be willing to engage in the process. If one parent refuses to participate or sabotages the therapy, progress can be slow or nonexistent.
Emotional Baggage Can Linger: High-conflict parents often have unresolved emotional issues, such as resentment, betrayal, or fear. These emotions can make it difficult to focus on co-parenting and may require individual therapy alongside co-parenting sessions.
It’s a Long-Term Process: Co-parenting therapy isn’t a quick fix. It often takes months, sometimes years, to build a functional co-parenting relationship. The progress may be slow, and setbacks are common.
High Conflict May Require Alternative Approaches: In extreme cases of conflict, such as those involving domestic violence or personality disorders, traditional co-parenting therapy may not be feasible. In these situations, parallel parenting or legal intervention might be more appropriate.

Wondering How to Start Co-Parenting Therapy?

If you’ve gone through a high-conflict divorce and often find yourself disagreeing on parenting decisions, you don’t have to handle it alone. Every family’s situation is different, and finding a peaceful way to co-parent takes patience, understanding, and the right support.

Your first step is to reach out to a parenting coach who can guide you.

2houses has experienced therapists who are here to help. We offer personalized counseling services to address your family’s unique challenges, keeping your child’s well-being as the top priority in every decision.

10 November 20247 November 2024

Can the 60/40 Custody Schedule Work for Long-Distance Co-Parenting?

Raising kids when you and your ex live far apart can feel like trying to herd cats in the rain—it’s chaotic and unpredictable. When it comes to making a 60/40 custody schedule work for long-distance co-parenting, opinions often clash.

Some argue that a 60/40 split is nearly impossible for families separated by distance. They believe it’s just too hard to manage when you’re far away. But others think that with some planning and plenty of patience, it can still work out just fine.

Can 60/40 Custody Schedule Really Work for Long-Distance Co-Parenting?

The truth is, it can, but it really depends on how flexible and cooperative you and your co-parent are, as well as the needs of your child. Sure, being far away can make things tricky, but with careful planning and a willingness to adapt, it’s possible!

1. Alternating Extended Weekends

One way the 60/40 schedule can work in long-distance co-parenting is by adjusting the schedule to longer but less frequent visits. For example, instead of transitioning between homes during the week, the 40% parent could have extended weekends or longer visits during school holidays. A common variation involves the child spending the school year with one parent (typically the parent with 60% custody) and extended holidays or breaks with the other parent.

Let me give you an example to paint a clearer picture. Imagine your child lives mostly with their mom in Texas, while you’re in California. To make the 60/40 schedule effective, your child could stay with their mom during the school year and then visit their dad for most of the summer break and major holidays, like Christmas and spring break. This way, the spirit of the 60/40 split stays intact without the stress of frequent travel, which can be tiring for kids.

2. Coordinating with School Calendars

School obligations are often a significant factor in long-distance co-parenting,especially when you and your co-parent live in different states with different vacation times. You can set up the 60/40 schedule to fit your child’s school calendar, allowing the parent with less time (the 40% parent) to spend more time with your child during breaks.

Planning ahead is key here. You and your co-parent need to work together and coordinate with the school to ensure your child has a stable school life, doesn’t miss important opportunities, and maintains their friendships.

3. Stay Connected by Virtual Communication

When you and your co-parent live far apart, technology becomes a lifesaver. With video calls, texts, and messaging apps, you can stay connected with your child, even from a distance. In a 60/40 custody arrangement, these virtual tools help the parent with 40% custody stay involved in your child’s daily life, even when they can’t be there in person for a while.

Potential Challenges and Solutions in 60/40 Custody Schedule

You already know that a 60/40 custody schedule can work for long-distance co-parenting if you follow some tips and strategies. However, there are challenges you might face along the way.

– Travel Fatigue and Costs

Long-distance co-parenting often means a lot of travel. This can be tiring for kids and costly for parents. To make the 60/40 arrangement work, you and your co-parent need to share the responsibility of getting your child back and forth, and make travel plans that focus on your child’s comfort.

Solution:
You can split travel costs and take turns handling transportation. Some families even choose to have virtual visits during busy school times to cut down on how often they travel.

– Emotional Adjustment

Children might find it hard to adjust emotionally when moving between homes, especially if their time with the non-custodial parent is inconsistent or feels rushed. Long stretches away from one parent can also be tough, especially for younger kids.

Solution:
You and your co-parent should keep the lines of communication open with your child. Encourage them to share their feelings and talk about any worries they have. Virtual communication can help bridge the emotional gap when they can’t be with one parent for a while.

Factors to Consider

Final advice for you – before you commit to a 60/40 custody schedule in a long-distance situation, think about these important factors:

Age of the Child: Younger kids might have a harder time being away from one parent for long, while older kids may adapt more easily.
Schooling and Extracurriculars: Make sure your child’s academic and social life stays stable. Moving between homes shouldn’t disrupt their routine.
Parent-Child Relationship: Both you and your co-parent need to stay committed to having a healthy and open relationship with your child, even when you’re apart.

Every family is unique, so it’s important to find a solution that meets the specific needs of the child and both parents. With careful consideration and cooperation, the 60/40 custody schedule can provide the stability and connection that children need, even across long distances. For co-parenting help 2houses team is always here for you.