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17 November 20247 November 2024

How to Transition from Authoritarian to Authoritative Parenting

Parenting is a journey that keeps changing as our kids grow. What worked yesterday might not be enough today. If you’ve been using a strict parenting style with lots of rules and high expectations, you might want to consider shifting to a more flexible approach. This change can lead to healthier relationships and happier emotions for both you and your child.

Authoritative parenting sets high standards but also includes warmth, support, and open communication. Let’s dive into how you can make this shift and why it’s so important for a happy family life in the long run.

The Difference Between Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

Before we get into the how-to, let’s take a moment to understand the big differences between these two parenting styles.

Authoritarian Parenting: This style is all about strict rules and doesn’t focus much on emotions. Parents expect their kids to obey without any discussion. Because of this, children in authoritarian homes often feel ignored. This can lead to problems like low self-esteem and feelings of resentment.

Authoritative Parenting: On the other hand, authoritative parenting mixes high expectations with emotional support. Parents set clear rules but also talk openly with their kids. This allows children to express their feelings and opinions. Kids raised in authoritative homes usually grow up to be more disciplined, confident, and better at handling their emotions.

If you want to learn more, check out our article “Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting.” We break down the differences step by step, making it easy to understand.

The Effects of Authoritarian Parenting on Children

From our experience we see that kids raised in authoritarian households often face big challenges. They can struggle with anxiety, feel emotionally distant, and act out. A famous study by psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s found that children in these strict homes usually lack the social skills and confidence that kids with more supportive parents have. It’s also common to see that authoritarian parenting can lead to rebellion in teenagers.

Let me share a story about a family in Bridge City, TX. There was a 15-year-old girl named Maria who lived under her father’s strict rules. There was no room for negotiation. Even though she did well in school, she was always afraid of making mistakes, which made her very anxious. Feeling alone, she started to rebel in small ways—like lying about where she was or avoiding talks with her dad.

When her father finally realized that his strict approach was pushing Maria away instead of helping her succeed, he decided to learn about authoritative parenting methods. He wanted to rebuild their relationship and create a more open and supportive environment.

Steps to Transition from Authoritarian to Authoritative Parenting

1. Start with Self-Reflection
The first step is to recognize your authoritarian habits. Do you often set rules without explaining why? Is there little open communication? Take some time to reflect on your parenting style. Knowing where you are will help guide the changes you need to make.

Tip: Try journaling your thoughts and parenting challenges—it can help you see patterns and understand what needs to change.

2. Develop Open Communication

One key aspect of authoritative parenting is making sure your child feels heard. Start having conversations about their feelings and opinions. This doesn’t mean letting them have their way, but rather giving them a chance to express themselves while you maintain boundaries.

For example, if your child asks for more screen time, instead of just saying “No,” explain why you have limits and maybe offer a compromise, like extra screen time on weekends. This way, they feel respected and you still keep control.

3. Offer Choices Within Limits

Authoritarian parents sometimes think that giving choices weakens their authority. But providing limited options helps kids develop decision-making skills while you stay in charge.

For instance, instead of saying, “Do your homework now,” offer them a choice: “Do you want to do your homework now or after dinner?”

In Maria’s case (the girl from Bridge City, TX), her dad started giving her small choices, like what to wear or when to complete chores. She felt more in control, and soon, she was more open to discussing bigger family rules.

4. Set Clear but Flexible Boundaries

Authoritative parents set high standards but know flexibility is important. Start by explaining the reason behind each rule. If you have a curfew for your teen, tell them it’s for their safety and well-being. Be willing to adjust when needed, like extending curfew for a special school event.

5. Build an Emotional Connection

Authoritarian parents often overlook the emotional side of parenting. Make an effort to connect with your child. Spend more time together, listen without judging, and show empathy when they’re upset.

Studies show that children with strong emotional bonds to their parents are less likely to rebel. A study from the University of Delaware found that teens who are emotionally connected with their parents can manage stress better and are more open to discussions.

6. Use Positive Reinforcement Instead of Fear

In authoritarian households, discipline usually involves fear of punishment. Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, focuses on teaching. Start by using positive reinforcement—praise your child when they follow the rules or show good behavior. For example, tell them you’re proud when they finish their homework on time or handle a tough situation calmly.

7. Be Patient with the Transition
Moving from authoritarian to authoritative parenting won’t happen overnight. Your child might resist at first, especially if they’re used to following rules out of fear. Be patient, and let the relationship grow at its own pace.

In Maria’s case, her father faced resistance when he tried to talk things out instead of just giving orders. But as Maria started to see that her voice mattered, their relationship got better, and her anxiety went down.

Final Thoughts

Making the switch from authoritarian to authoritative parenting is a positive change that can really benefit your child’s emotional and mental growth. As I said before, the reality is – It won’t happen overnight. But with patience and consistent effort, you’ll see the rewards—a stronger relationship with your child and a happier home.

Need help or advice? Reach out to the 2houses team. We’re here to support you!

14 November 20247 November 2024

How Authoritarian Parenting Can Lead to Rebellion in Teenagers

Imagine growing up in a home where every move is monitored, every choice questioned, and any hint of independence is met with disapproval. That’s how it was for Reene. Her parents weren’t just strict—they enforced a set of rules so rigid that even a minute past curfew felt like a crime.

The intention was to keep her safe, shield her from potential harm, and mold her into the “perfect” daughter. But instead of feeling secure, Reene felt suffocated. The tighter her parents held the reins, the more she yearned to break free.

By the time high school rolled around, Reene wasn’t just pushing boundaries—she was shattering them. Skipping classes, sneaking out at night, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and even experimenting with underage drinking became her norm. It was her way of taking back the control she felt was stolen from her.

When her parents discovered what was going on, they didn’t loosen up. Instead, they cracked down even harder, adding more rules, restrictions, and severe punishments. The result? A relationship that grew colder and more distant by the day.

Reene’’s story isn’t unique. In fact, it highlights a common issue: the paradox of authoritarian parenting. Often fueled by love and the desire to protect, this approach can backfire, pushing teenagers toward rebellion rather than keeping them safe.

Curious about why this happens and what you can do differently? Let’s dive into the complexities of authoritarian parenting and discover how it can turn well-meaning intentions into a recipe for conflict and defiance.

Let’s Understand The Psychology Behind Teenage Rebellion

As a parenting coach, I want to help you understand what’s happening in your teenager’s mind. It’s important to know that teenagers are hardwired to seek independence and figure out who they are. Psychologists like Erik Erikson point out that this time in their lives is all about exploring freedom and building their identity.

When parents use a strict, authoritarian approach, it can make teens feel trapped. Instead of seeing rules as safety nets, they start to view them as unfair limits on their freedom.

Teens raised in strict households often don’t learn how to think critically about their choices. They may follow rules, but it’s usually out of fear of punishment rather than understanding. As they grow and feel the urge to be independent, they might rebel to take back control over their lives. This rebellion can show up in different ways, like breaking rules, taking risks, or directly challenging their parents.

What Research says on Authoritarian Parenting and Rebellion

Studies show that strict, authoritarian parenting can lead to problems for teens. Research from the University of New Hampshire found that kids with authoritarian parents struggle more with social skills and are more likely to rebel than those with parents who use a more balanced approach, like authoritative parenting. The lack of open communication and emotional support in strict households makes teens feel misunderstood and controlled, pushing them to act out as a way to claim their independence.

Another study, published in the Journal of Adolescence, looked at how different parenting styles affect teens over time. It found that teens with authoritarian parents often showed more defiance and aggression, especially when their parents were too controlling or ignored their feelings. These teens were also more likely to deal with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, which made them even more rebellious.

Why Teens Often Rebel Against Authoritarian Parents – Insights from Over a Decade of Experience

Over the past decade, We’ve spoken with countless parents about their struggles with strict, authoritarian parenting styles. One thing we’ve noticed, time and again, is that enforcing rules without room for open conversation or mutual respect leads to one big issue: a loss of trust.

When you constantly set rules and punishments without considering your teen’s thoughts and feelings, they don’t see it as guidance—they see it as control. And that’s when the rebellion starts. Here are some key reasons why strict parenting can push teens to act out:

1. Lack of Independence

Teens want to feel independent. When they’re not given the chance to make choices or share their opinions, they start feeling powerless. Rebellion then becomes their way of taking back some control over their own lives.

2. Resentment and Frustration

Strict rules can make teens feel resentful. They may start seeing you as more of a boss than a parent. This resentment builds up over time and can turn into defiant behavior as they try to express their frustration.

3. Risky Behavior

Teens raised under rigid rules often take risky actions—like sneaking out or drinking underage—as a way to rebel. It’s their way of showing they can make their own choices, even if those choices aren’t the safest.

4. Poor Decision-Making Skills

If teens aren’t allowed to make their own decisions or learn from their mistakes, they miss out on valuable life lessons. This lack of experience can lead to poor choices later, which only adds to the cycle of punishment and rebellion.

5. Bullying and Revenge

There’s also a link between authoritarian parenting and bullying. Studies show that kids with strict, controlling parents are more likely to be involved in bullying—either as victims or perpetrators. When kids feel trapped or punished at home, they might take out their frustrations on others or seek revenge in harmful ways.

Is There Any Better Alternative If Authoritarian Parenting Causes Trouble?

If you’re looking for a more effective way to raise well-rounded teens, consider switching the parenting style.

Yes, I’m talking about authoritative parenting. It’s like finding the perfect balance between being a cool friend and a wise parent. You set the rules, but you also listen to them and explain why they’re important.

Trust me, it works. A study showed that teens raised this way are less likely to rebel and more likely to make good choices. They feel heard and respected, which is a big deal!

So, instead of being too strict or too laid-back, try being a supportive guide. Give them room to grow, but also let them know you’re there for them, no matter what.

It might just make a world of difference in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Authoritarian parenting may feel like it keeps things in order, but it often leads to more problems.

Especially when your child becomes a teenager. Strict rules and lack of emotional support can make teens want to rebel even more. Finding a balance between setting rules and keeping communication open can help your teen navigate this challenging stage without unnecessary conflict.

Need help with parenting strategies? Contact us today for personalized advice and support!

13 November 20247 November 2024

Co-Parenting Therapy vs. Mediation: What’s the Difference?

Handling co-parenting after a separation or divorce can feel like walking through a maze. It’s tough to keep things smooth when emotions run high, but clear communication and problem-solving are crucial for your kids’ well-being. This is where co-parenting therapy and mediation can help. They each have their own way of tackling conflicts.

Once you understand how each one works, it’ll be much easier to decide which is the best fit for your family.

What is Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is a specialized form of counseling that focuses on helping parents work together to raise their children despite the end of their romantic relationship. A licensed therapist or counselor typically guides this process, with a primary goal of improving communication, reducing conflict, and focusing on the emotional needs of the children.

Key Aspects of Co-Parenting Therapy:

Communication Skills: Therapists work with parents to improve their ability to listen, express their needs respectfully, and manage conflict constructively.
Focus on the Children: The well-being of the children is always the priority. Therapy often explores the impact of parental conflict on kids, aiming to minimize stress and anxiety.
Conflict Resolution: Parents are taught conflict management strategies, helping them to de-escalate arguments and work through disagreements more effectively.
Long-Term Support: Co-parenting therapy can be an ongoing process, helping parents adjust to changes in circumstances as children grow and life evolves.

What is Mediation?

Mediation is a conflict resolution process where a neutral third party—usually a trained mediator—helps parents resolve disputes about their parenting plan, child custody, or other post-divorce matters. Unlike therapy, which focuses on long-term relationship improvement, mediation is typically used to settle specific issues quickly and efficiently.

Key Aspects of Mediation:

Neutral Party: The mediator doesn’t take sides. Their role is to facilitate a fair discussion, ensuring both parents have a voice in the decision-making process.
Focus on Agreements: Mediation aims to create clear, legally binding agreements on specific issues, such as custody schedules, financial responsibilities, or holiday arrangements.
Voluntary Process: Both parties must agree to mediation, and the goal is to reach a compromise without needing to go to court.
Short-Term Solution: Mediation often resolves specific disagreements within a few sessions, rather than providing long-term relationship counseling.

Co-Parenting Therapy vs. Mediation : Key Differences

Here’s a quick look at the main differences between co-parenting therapy and mediation. Check out the table below –

Aspect	Co-Parenting Therapy	Mediation
Goal & Approach	Co-Parenting Therapy is therapeutic and aims to improve communication and reduce conflict in the long term. It focuses on emotional well-being and how parents can better collaborate for the benefit of their children.	Mediation is solution-focused, with the goal of resolving specific disputes quickly. It helps parents come to an agreement on practical matters like custody schedules or financial issues.
Duration	It can be a long-term process, with sessions continuing over months or even years to support ongoing challenges in the co-parenting relationship.	Short-term process, typically lasting a few sessions until an agreement is reached.
Outcome	Therapy doesn’t usually result in legally binding agreements, though it can improve the co-parenting relationship over time.	Mediation often results in a legally binding agreement that both parents must adhere to
Professional Involvement	Co-Parenting Therapy is led by a licensed therapist or counselor who has expertise in family dynamics and child development.	Mediation is facilitated by a neutral mediator, often someone with legal or conflict resolution training, but not necessarily a therapist.

Which Option is Best for You? Co-Parenting Therapy or Mediation?

Choosing between co-parenting therapy and mediation depends on the issues you are facing and your goals for resolving them.

Choose Co-Parenting Therapy if:
- You want to improve long-term communication with your co-parent.
- You are looking for emotional support and strategies for reducing conflict.
- Your primary focus is the well-being of your children, and you’re open to ongoing sessions.
Choose Mediation if:
- You need to resolve a specific dispute quickly (e.g., custody, finances, holiday schedules).
- You want a legally binding agreement without the cost and stress of court proceedings.
- You feel capable of cooperating for a short-term solution with the help of a neutral party.

You Can Try a Hybrid Approach Too

Sometimes, parents benefit from both therapy and mediation at different points in their co-parenting journey. For complex situations, you might need both.

For example, therapy can improve communication and reduce tension, making mediation more effective. On the other hand, mediation can quickly settle pressing issues, while therapy helps you build long-term tools to avoid future conflicts.

We hope this helps you understand the key differences between co-parenting therapy and mediation. If you’re unsure which option is best, think about the unique needs of your family and what will provide the most immediate benefit.

For more guidance or support, feel free to schedule a meeting with us!

12 November 20247 November 2024

Co-Parenting Therapy for High-Conflict Parents: Can It Work?

Co-parenting isn’t easy, especially when there’s a lot of tension between parents. Whether it’s from a tough divorce, different views on raising kids, or personal issues that never got resolved, finding a way to work together can feel impossible.

That’s where co-parenting therapy steps in—like a referee, a peacekeeper, and a translator all rolled into one. But can it really turn chaos into calm?

In this article, we’ll talk about what co-parenting therapy involves and if it actually works for parents who struggle to get along.

What includes in Co-Parenting Therapy?

Co-parenting therapy is for parents who have broken up but still need to raise their kids together. It’s not about fixing your relationship with your ex, but it is about making sure your kids come first.

So, what does co-parenting therapy cover? It’s more about doing things than just talking.

Here’s what you’re looking at:

Creating a Parenting Plan: You both need to know who’s picking up the kids, who’s handling doctor appointments, and all that stuff. No more miscommunication or crossed wires—just a clear plan.
Setting Boundaries: You need to decide what’s acceptable behavior when dealing with each other. Are pop-in visits allowed? What’s the tone of communication? Get these things sorted.
Handling Disputes: When arguments over bedtime, screen time, or discipline come up, you’ll need tools to manage them. You don’t want the kids caught in the middle of your disagreements.
Supporting the Kids’ Emotions: The kids are going through a lot too. This therapy helps you figure out how to talk to them about what’s happening and support them emotionally.
Improving Communication: Yeah, you probably don’t want to talk to your ex more than you have to. But in co-parenting, communication is key. You’ll learn how to do it in a way that’s calm and productive.

The Need for Co-Parenting Therapy in High-Conflict Situations

High-conflict co-parenting typically involves frequent arguments, poor communication, and difficulties in making joint decisions. And you know who suffers the most? The kids.

When parents can’t get along, kids often end up dealing with anxiety, depression, acting out, and even having trouble in school. The American Psychological Association (APA) has found that kids do much better when their parents can find a way to work together—no matter how much they dislike each other.

So, if you and your ex are constantly butting heads, co-parenting therapy is worth considering. It’s a safe space where you can both learn how to manage conflicts better and focus on what truly matters—your kids.

Does Co-Parenting Therapy Really Work For High Conflict Parents?

The moment you’re thinking about taking co-parenting therapy, a common question that also may arise on your mind. Which is whether it can be effective for high-conflict parents who frequently disagree. Does co-parenting therapy truly work in your situations where there’s significant tension between your ex spouse?

Well, research suggests that co-parenting therapy can be effective, though the outcome often depends on the willingness of both parents to engage with the process. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that parents who participated in structured co-parenting programs reported lower levels of conflict and better overall parenting satisfaction compared to those who did not.

Importantly, children in these families showed improvements in emotional well-being and school performance. Also it helps resolve disagreement and minimise conflict. Also help parents to enhance parenting skills, and reduce stress and anxiety.

From our experience we also see that Co-parenting therapy can work for high-conflict parents, but its success hinges on the commitment of both parties to the process. However, success is not guaranteed, particularly when one or both parents are unwilling to cooperate. In cases where there’s entrenched animosity or abuse, therapy may not be enough to bridge the gap. This is why some therapists recommend mediation or even parallel parenting, where parents have limited direct interaction but still work to co-parent.

The Challenges of Co-Parenting Therapy in a High conflict parents

While therapy has the potential to create a more peaceful co-parenting dynamic, it’s not a magic cure. There are several challenges that you should keep in your mind too:

Both Parents Need to Participate: For therapy to be effective, both parents must be willing to engage in the process. If one parent refuses to participate or sabotages the therapy, progress can be slow or nonexistent.
Emotional Baggage Can Linger: High-conflict parents often have unresolved emotional issues, such as resentment, betrayal, or fear. These emotions can make it difficult to focus on co-parenting and may require individual therapy alongside co-parenting sessions.
It’s a Long-Term Process: Co-parenting therapy isn’t a quick fix. It often takes months, sometimes years, to build a functional co-parenting relationship. The progress may be slow, and setbacks are common.
High Conflict May Require Alternative Approaches: In extreme cases of conflict, such as those involving domestic violence or personality disorders, traditional co-parenting therapy may not be feasible. In these situations, parallel parenting or legal intervention might be more appropriate.

Wondering How to Start Co-Parenting Therapy?

If you’ve gone through a high-conflict divorce and often find yourself disagreeing on parenting decisions, you don’t have to handle it alone. Every family’s situation is different, and finding a peaceful way to co-parent takes patience, understanding, and the right support.

Your first step is to reach out to a parenting coach who can guide you.

2houses has experienced therapists who are here to help. We offer personalized counseling services to address your family’s unique challenges, keeping your child’s well-being as the top priority in every decision.

10 November 20247 November 2024

Can the 60/40 Custody Schedule Work for Long-Distance Co-Parenting?

Raising kids when you and your ex live far apart can feel like trying to herd cats in the rain—it’s chaotic and unpredictable. When it comes to making a 60/40 custody schedule work for long-distance co-parenting, opinions often clash.

Some argue that a 60/40 split is nearly impossible for families separated by distance. They believe it’s just too hard to manage when you’re far away. But others think that with some planning and plenty of patience, it can still work out just fine.

Can 60/40 Custody Schedule Really Work for Long-Distance Co-Parenting?

The truth is, it can, but it really depends on how flexible and cooperative you and your co-parent are, as well as the needs of your child. Sure, being far away can make things tricky, but with careful planning and a willingness to adapt, it’s possible!

1. Alternating Extended Weekends

One way the 60/40 schedule can work in long-distance co-parenting is by adjusting the schedule to longer but less frequent visits. For example, instead of transitioning between homes during the week, the 40% parent could have extended weekends or longer visits during school holidays. A common variation involves the child spending the school year with one parent (typically the parent with 60% custody) and extended holidays or breaks with the other parent.

Let me give you an example to paint a clearer picture. Imagine your child lives mostly with their mom in Texas, while you’re in California. To make the 60/40 schedule effective, your child could stay with their mom during the school year and then visit their dad for most of the summer break and major holidays, like Christmas and spring break. This way, the spirit of the 60/40 split stays intact without the stress of frequent travel, which can be tiring for kids.

2. Coordinating with School Calendars

School obligations are often a significant factor in long-distance co-parenting,especially when you and your co-parent live in different states with different vacation times. You can set up the 60/40 schedule to fit your child’s school calendar, allowing the parent with less time (the 40% parent) to spend more time with your child during breaks.

Planning ahead is key here. You and your co-parent need to work together and coordinate with the school to ensure your child has a stable school life, doesn’t miss important opportunities, and maintains their friendships.

3. Stay Connected by Virtual Communication

When you and your co-parent live far apart, technology becomes a lifesaver. With video calls, texts, and messaging apps, you can stay connected with your child, even from a distance. In a 60/40 custody arrangement, these virtual tools help the parent with 40% custody stay involved in your child’s daily life, even when they can’t be there in person for a while.

Potential Challenges and Solutions in 60/40 Custody Schedule

You already know that a 60/40 custody schedule can work for long-distance co-parenting if you follow some tips and strategies. However, there are challenges you might face along the way.

– Travel Fatigue and Costs

Long-distance co-parenting often means a lot of travel. This can be tiring for kids and costly for parents. To make the 60/40 arrangement work, you and your co-parent need to share the responsibility of getting your child back and forth, and make travel plans that focus on your child’s comfort.

Solution:
You can split travel costs and take turns handling transportation. Some families even choose to have virtual visits during busy school times to cut down on how often they travel.

– Emotional Adjustment

Children might find it hard to adjust emotionally when moving between homes, especially if their time with the non-custodial parent is inconsistent or feels rushed. Long stretches away from one parent can also be tough, especially for younger kids.

Solution:
You and your co-parent should keep the lines of communication open with your child. Encourage them to share their feelings and talk about any worries they have. Virtual communication can help bridge the emotional gap when they can’t be with one parent for a while.

Factors to Consider

Final advice for you – before you commit to a 60/40 custody schedule in a long-distance situation, think about these important factors:

Age of the Child: Younger kids might have a harder time being away from one parent for long, while older kids may adapt more easily.
Schooling and Extracurriculars: Make sure your child’s academic and social life stays stable. Moving between homes shouldn’t disrupt their routine.
Parent-Child Relationship: Both you and your co-parent need to stay committed to having a healthy and open relationship with your child, even when you’re apart.

Every family is unique, so it’s important to find a solution that meets the specific needs of the child and both parents. With careful consideration and cooperation, the 60/40 custody schedule can provide the stability and connection that children need, even across long distances. For co-parenting help 2houses team is always here for you.

9 November 20247 November 2024

How to Handle Disagreements in a 70/30 Custody Schedule: A Practical Guide

Co-parenting can be tricky, especially when it comes to a 70/30 custody agreement. It’s pretty common for disagreements to pop up. One parent with 30% custody might worry that their child won’t bond with the other parent who has 70%. Sometimes, feelings of jealousy creep in, making one parent feel left out since the kids spend most of their time with the other. That’s why 70/30 custody can stir up more conflict than a 50/50 split.

Why do these disagreements happen? Is it just because of the 70/30 split?

When conflicts arise, they can weigh heavily on a parent’s mind. So, it’s important to dig deep and find out what’s really going on. Here are some common reasons why disagreements often happen in 70/30 custody:

Reason 1: The parent with less time might feel they’re missing out on important moments, leading to frustration.
Reason 2: The primary custodian usually makes daily decisions. This can cause problems if the other parent feels left out.
Reason 3: Different parenting styles can create conflicts over discipline, education, and healthcare choices.
Reason 4: Poor communication often leads to misunderstandings and more tension.
Reason 5: Disputes over visitation schedules, holidays, and vacations are common.
Reason 6: Financial matters, like child support and shared expenses, can spark disagreements.
Reason 7: Worries about the child’s emotional well-being can lead to conflicts over custody terms.

Once you identify the exact reasons for the disagreements, it’ll be much easier to find the right strategies to handle them.

5 Tips to handle the disagreement in 70/30 custody arrangement:

Here are some easy tips to help handle disagreements in a 70/30 custody arrangement as co-parents. While these tips won’t solve every problem, they can help you deal with most of them better.

1. Establish Clear Communication Channels

Good communication is the key to avoiding or solving problems. Without it, misunderstandings are bound to happen. Research shows that co-parents who keep in regular, respectful contact are more likely to agree on things without arguing.

Using a co-parenting app can really help you stay organized and keep communication smooth, especially if you have a 70/30 custody split. These apps let you track schedules, share important documents, and save conversations so nothing gets lost or miscommunicated.

From our years of working with thousands of parents across two households, we’ve seen that those who use technology to stay in touch have fewer issues than those who only rely on face-to-face talks or texting. Tools like shared custody calendars and documented messaging keep everything clear and help cut down on disagreements. Trust me, it makes things easier for everyone.

2. Agree on Parenting Guidelines

Besides good communication, it’s really important to have clear parenting guidelines. These should cover big topics like discipline, bedtimes, screen time, and healthcare. If you can agree on these early, it sets clear expectations that both parents can follow, which helps avoid misunderstandings.

For example, if both parents have different views on discipline, it can cause tension. One parent might be more laid-back, while the other is stricter. By creating a plan for how discipline will be handled in both homes, you can make sure there’s consistency for your child.

I remember a case where a father, who had 30% custody, didn’t agree with the mother’s more lenient screen time rules. This caused frustration between them and confusion for their child. After talking it through several times, they found a compromise—screen time was limited to one hour on weekdays, with more flexibility on weekends.

3. Pick Your Battles Wisely

Not every disagreement needs to become a full-blown argument. In a 70/30 custody arrangement, the parent with 30% custody may feel a need to have equal say in every decision, but it’s really important to pick battles wisely. Some issues may be worth negotiating, while others may not be as impactful in the long run.

When you find yourself in a disagreement, try asking yourself these questions:

Does this issue seriously affect my child’s well-being?
Am I reacting emotionally, or is this a real concern?
Would compromising help improve the overall co-parenting relationship?

By picking which issues to address and which to let go, you can create a more peaceful co-parenting dynamic and keep the focus on what really matters—your child’s well-being.

According to The American Psychological Association, compromise is one of the best tools for resolving conflict, especially in co-parenting. Research shows that parents who are willing to compromise usually have better long-term relationships and fewer arguments overall. So, remember, it’s okay to let some things slide if it means keeping the peace.

4. Involve a Mediator When Necessary

If disagreements keep happening and you just can’t seem to resolve them, it might be time to bring in a mediator. A mediator can help guide the conversation and work with both parents to find a solution that works for everyone. This can be really helpful for high-conflict issues like your child’s education, healthcare, or emotional well-being.

Mediation is less confrontational than going to court, and it helps parents stay on the same team when co-parenting. Plus, it’s usually faster and cheaper than going through a long legal process.

Let me share an experience. I met a mother with 70% custody who wanted her child to focus only on school, while the father wanted a more balanced approach that included extracurricular activities. They were both very set in their views, which led to repeated arguments. A mediator stepped in and helped them agree on a schedule where their child could do activities during the father’s time, without hurting academic performance. It made a big difference for their co-parenting.

5. Create a Backup Plan for Emergencies

Even the best custody plans can face unexpected challenges—like a last-minute business trip, a sick child, or a scheduling conflict. Having a backup plan for emergencies can really help reduce stress and prevent disputes.

Your backup plan could include:

Clear steps for letting the other parent know what’s happening
A list of trusted family members or friends who can help if one parent is unavailable
An agreement on how to handle missed parenting time, like rescheduling or make-up days

By being prepared for the unexpected, both parents can avoid last-minute panic and tension when emergencies arise.

When disagreements happen, it’s important to stay focused on finding solutions and putting your child’s best interests first. If you’re dealing with high-conflict co-parenting issues, consider reaching out 2houses team. Our expert coaches are here to help you handle disagreements in a 70/30 custody arrangement. We’ll provide custom solutions to help your co-parenting journey thrive.

So, let’s take that first step together! Reach out today and start creating a smoother path for you and your child.

7 November 20247 November 2024

How to Handle Vacations and School Breaks in a 70/30 Custody Plan

Managing a 70/30 custody arrangement during school breaks and holiday seasons can often feel overwhelming, especially for the parent with limited time. It’s easy to feel lost or frustrated, not knowing how to make the most of these precious moments. However, with the right mindset and a few strategic tips, both parents can create meaningful, memorable experiences with their children during vacations and school breaks.

Let’s explore how to turn these challenges into opportunities for quality time in a 70/30 custody plan.

How to Handle Holiday Splits with a 70/30 Custody Arrangement When Co-Parenting

Co-parenting with a 70/30 custody arrangement can make holiday planning seem tricky, but there are a few simple ways to keep things fair and enjoyable for everyone. Here’s how you can manage it:

Thanksgiving:
If you have the 30% custody arrangement, you might not get the kids for the entire Thanksgiving weekend, but there are still great ways to make the most of your time. In even-numbered years, the other parent typically has the children from 6 p.m. on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving until 6pm on Sunday.

For instance, if you’re the parent with 30% custody, you could arrange to spend quality time with your kids before or after the holiday weekend. You can consider planning a special dinner or a fun outing that allows you to celebrate Thanksgiving together, even if it’s not on the official holiday. This way, you can create lasting memories and ensure your kids feel loved and cherished during the holiday season. Open communication with your co-parent can help you coordinate these moments, making the holidays special for everyone involved.
Winter Break: A good way to handle winter break is to take turns. One parent can get the first half of the break in odd years, and the other gets the second half in even years. This way, it’s fair over time.
Spring Break: For summer, you can negotiate for some special time with your kids. While the non-custodial parent may have two weeks starting on the first Sunday after school ends, consider planning activities on weekends or for short trips during your time. It’s important to communicate openly with your co-parent to arrange these moments, ensuring your kids feel loved and supported throughout the summer.
Summer Break: Many parents find it works well to give the non-custodial parent two weeks of summer vacation, starting on the first Sunday after school ends.
Christmas Break : In Christmas, there are a few ways you can handle this holiday.

You can consider alternating years for Christmas. It’s easy and simple! Also it’s a fair way to ensure both parents get to experience the magic with their children.
If there’s a longer school break, why not split it? One parent can enjoy the first half, and the other gets the second half, so both can share in the holiday season.
You might also want to divide Christmas Day itself—one parent takes Christmas Eve and morning, while the other enjoys the afternoon and evening.
If you’re the non-custodial parent with a 70/30 plan, think about arranging a full week during the holiday season to make up for less time.

Tips For Discuss with your Ex and Adjusting School Breaks in 70/30 Custody

Apart from Christmas, school breaks—like winter break—often provide more time for both parents. In a 70/30 custody arrangement, it’s essential to:
Plan Ahead: It’s a good idea to talk about the school break schedule early in the year. Sitting down together at the start of the school year to go over the big holidays can really help. This way, you can avoid misunderstandings later.
Share the Time: In a 70/30 custody setup, the non-custodial parent might want some extra time during longer breaks. Giving them a bit more time can help your child feel closer to both parents and create a better balance.
Think About Travel and Traditions: Holidays often mean travel and family get-togethers. If one of you plans to take the child out of state, it’s important to discuss that early on. Also, remember to be respectful of each other’s family traditions—it’s all about keeping the peace for your child!

Think About Legal Matters Too

It’s important to check your custody agreement and make sure the holiday schedule follows the legal rules. Most custody agreements will say how to handle holidays, and if you need to change anything, it should be done through the court. This helps avoid confusion later.

Sometimes, parents may want to change the custody plan to fit their current situation better. If one parent thinks the arrangement is unfair during the holidays, they can ask the court for a formal change to the custody agreement. So, you should keep that in mind too.

Dealing Emotional Challenges in 70/30 Custody During Vacation Time

Holidays and vacation time can stir up emotions for families, especially when parents don’t get to be with their children as much as they’d like. If you have 30% custody, missing out on special vacations can be particularly hard—especially if your ex isn’t very flexible. Legally, you may not have a choice, so it’s important to be mentally prepared to accept whatever the arrangement is.

Btw, Instead of focusing on missing out during special vacation and holiday, think of this as a chance to start new traditions. For example – For example, if your child isn’t with you on Christmas Eve, you can plan a special “pre-Christmas” celebration on a different day. The memories will be just as meaningful. Make sure whatever the situation is – you should have to be emotionally and mentally fit for you and for your children.

Here are some Tips for you for Smooth Holiday Transitions in 70/30 Custody agreement

Handling holiday schedules under a 70/30 custody plan can be stressful, but these strategies can help:

Always prioritize your child’s well-being during holiday planning.
Maintain open communication with the other parent to ensure smooth coordination.
Use tools like shared calendars or parenting apps to stay organized.
Be flexible with plans as unexpected changes can happen around the holidays.
Involve your children in the decision-making process if they’re old enough to share their preferences.

If you’re feeling stuck with a 70/30 custody agreement and unsure how to spend time with your kids during the upcoming vacation, the 2houses team is here to help.

No matter what’s going on, we can support you in making this holiday season a time of love, celebration, and new traditions—even when you share custody. You don’t have to face this alone!

6 October 202410 October 2024

Putting aside your feelings for the children

Divorce is an unfortunate event that some families have to overcome. The separation of the parents isn’t just about the parents; it has a huge impact on the children as well. The feelings of negativity and resentment between a former couple can make the children uncomfortable and make the adjustment to the separation even more difficult. This is why it’s so vital for you to put aside your feelings for the children.

1. Never vent to your children

It matters the most to avoid venting to your children about their other parent. Children do not need to hear disparaging comments such as “Your father is a lying, cheating person” or “I’m tired of your mother bringing her boyfriend to pick you up.” You should not engage in any behavior that will induce parental alienation.

As you know, your children are already dealing with a significant emotional upheaval due to the separation or divorce. When they hear negative remarks about a parent, it can really hurt them. If you don’t talk bad about your ex, your kids will feel better and safer.

2. Get your frustration out somewhere

Yes, you probably still have hurt feelings over the break up. You may cry yourself to sleep every night and wish nothing but bad on your former lover. However, you should take your frustrations out before you have to meet up with your ex.

Instead of letting your anger show when you talk to your ex, try to find healthy ways to deal with it. Exercise, like boxing, can help you manage stress and let off steam. Talking to a therapist, friend, or family member can also help you feel better and see things more clearly.

Remember, using your anger against your ex or using it to get your way, especially about the kids, can make things more complicated. Try to deal with your feelings in a way that helps you heal and keeps things positive for you and your children.

3. Focus on the kids

Keep reminding yourself that you must be civil for the kids. When talking to their other parent, avoid bringing up your past together. Stick to discussing things about the kids, like their schoolwork or who will pick them up from their friends’ houses this weekend. To help with this, prepare a list of topics before conversations, use a shared calendar or a co-parenting app for their schedules, and agree on communication rules. Keep language neutral and avoid blame, focusing on solutions instead of past issues. If suitable, involve the kids in planning their activities to help them feel secure and reduce misunderstandings. This approach ensures that interactions are constructive and centered around the children’s needs.

4. Ask don’t demand

When you approach conversations with a cooperative mindset, it can make a big difference. Instead of making demands, try framing your requests as questions. For example, if you need to change the visitation schedule, you might say, “Can I take the kids this weekend and you take them next weekend?” This shows you respect the other parent’s time and encourages working together.

By asking instead of demanding, you create a more respectful dialogue. This can lead to better outcomes for you and your children. It helps everyone cooperate rather than argue, which benefits everyone involved.

5. Compromise

No matter what your sentiments about your ex are, always be willing to compromise. Compromise is a cornerstone of effective co-parenting. While you might have strong opinions about certain issues, being flexible and open to negotiation is essential for maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship. For example, arguing over bedtime routines might seem small, but it’s an area where you can easily find a middle ground. On bigger issues, like education or medical care, it’s crucial to listen to each other and work together.

Effective compromise means clear communication, empathy, and focusing on what’s best for your kids. It means setting aside personal grievances and putting your children’s needs first. This helps create a stable and supportive environment for them.

6. Keep the other parent in the loop

Put aside your feelings of hostility and tell your ex what happens with the children. This includes sharing information about school events, extracurricular activities, and significant milestones. For example, if your child is performing in a school play, let your ex-partner know about it, even if you’d prefer they didn’t attend with a new partner. Keeping your ex-partner in the loop ensures that they remain involved in their children’s lives and helps maintain a sense of continuity and support for the kids.

This approach might not always be easy, especially if there are unresolved issues, but it is ultimately in the best interest of your children. By prioritizing their need for a stable relationship with both parents, you help ensure they have the support and love they need from both sides.

30 September 202410 October 2024

What children understand about divorce by age group

Divorce: It’s like a new adventure, full of twists and turns. Parents and kids are on this journey together, and it can be challenging. Kids especially need someone to help them find their way. Their feelings can be all over the place, so understanding their emotions is key to making sure they feel loved and supported by both parents.

In this guide, we’ll look at how divorce affects kids at different ages, from babies and toddlers to school kids and teens. We’ll also talk about what influences how kids see divorce and the common feelings they might have.

Factors That Affect How Kids See Divorce

Kids’ reactions to divorce can be influenced by several things, such as:

Their age and stage of development
Their relationship with each parent
The level of conflict and communication between parents
The family’s financial situation and access to resources
Cultural and religious beliefs
Past experiences with family changes

Common Emotional Reactions of Kids to Divorce

Your child might feel a mix of emotions during a divorce, and you may notice following things:

Sadness, grief, and a sense of loss
Anger, resentment, and frustration
Anxiety, fear, and insecurity
Guilt, self-blame, and low self-esteem
Withdrawal, depression, and social isolation

How Children Feel About Divorce at Different Ages

Infants and Toddlers

Even babies can sense when their parents are stressed or upset during a divorce. If they don’t get extra comfort, they might become very clingy, cranky, or have angry outbursts. During this time, it’s crucial to keep their daily routines the same. This means regular nap times, meals, and playdates should not change. They also need extra hugs, comfort, and attention. For example, if a toddler usually goes to bed at 8 PM, make sure this stays the same even if parents are going through tough times.

Pre-School and Early Elementary Years

Young children in preschool and early elementary school might show their stress by throwing tantrums or acting out. The parent who doesn’t live with them all the time should try to visit more and spend extra time reassuring them. These children often feel insecure and need to know they won’t be left alone. They might even try to get their parents back together, like in the movie “Parent Trap.” For instance, a child might start crying more often or misbehaving in school to get more attention from their parents.

Adolescents and Early Teens

Kids around 12 or 13 often feel mad or upset when their parents break up. They might say their head or tummy hurts more often, and if they have a problem like asthma, it could get worse. They might start lying, trying to trick people, or even stealing little stuff. It’s important to talk to them a lot and tell them what’s going on. Treat them like grown-ups and share info with them. Keep an eye on what they do at school and home, and make sure they follow the rules. Getting help from a family counselor can help them deal with their feelings. If your teen skips school or stays in their room a lot, it means they need more help.

Teenagers

Older teenagers have a better understanding of divorce but may still respond immaturely, often concealing their emotions. Encouraging open dialogue about their feelings is essential. Be vigilant for signs of depression, such as withdrawal from school activities, friends, or the use of alcohol or drugs. Avoid placing adult responsibilities on them, like expecting a teenage boy to assume the role of the man of the house or a teenage girl to care for younger siblings, as they are still children and should be allowed to act their age.

Also, Respect their autonomy in deciding how frequently they want to visit each parent and remain flexible with their living arrangements; for example, if a teen prefers to stay with one parent during the week and the other on weekends, support this decision to help them feel a sense of control.

Finally I’d like to say, Divorce can be challenging for your children. But with the right support and understanding, they can navigate this transition and emerge stronger. If you need any help, contact us today or schedule a meeting.

29 September 202410 October 2024

Children and lies: how to react?

Lying is a common behavior among children, and while it’s not condoned, it isn’t always a cause for alarm. But, It’s important to understand why they lie and to handle it the right way. When tackling this issue, keep in mind the child’s age and how often these fibs are popping up.

Age and Its Role in Lying

Early Childhood (Under 6 Years)

Kids under six often lie because of their imagination, not to deceive. They mix up reality and fiction, creating harmless stories. Gently explain the difference between truth and lies. Tell them it’s fun to make up stories but being honest is important in real life. Avoid calling them “bad” for lying to prevent guilt and more lying to hide their behavior.

Middle Childhood (Ages 6-12)

As kids grow, their reasons for lying get more complex. Between six and twelve, they might lie to avoid punishment, finish tasks, or stay out of trouble. For example, they might make up an excuse for being late. Make sure they are lying before confronting them, as false accusations can hurt trust. Suitable consequences for lying can include taking away TV or video game time or grounding them.

Adolescence (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers face new challenges and seek more independence. Their lies often involve partying, curfews, and personal freedom. Confirm they are lying before taking action. Talk to them to understand their perspective, then set appropriate consequences like limiting cell phone or driving privileges. Make it clear these actions are for their safety and well-being, not just punishment.

Dealing with Frequent Lying: Simple Steps

If your child is lying a lot, it might mean they’re stressed or trying to handle too many things at once, like school, home, and friends. When this happens, let them know you notice the lies and want to help. Offer your support to make things easier for them. If they keep lying, it’s important to set some consequences, like grounding. But remember, always keep talking to them to understand why they’re lying and how you can help fix the problem.

When Lying Might Mean Something More Serious?

Sometimes, lying a lot or in a harmful way can point to bigger problems. If your child doesn’t seem to care about how their lies affect others or lies to hurt someone, it’s time to get professional help. A psychologist or counselor can find out what’s really going on. Getting help early can stop these issues from getting worse.

Consistency Between Separated Parents

When parents live in different homes, it’s really important to be consistent with how they handle things like lying. If one parent responds one way and the other does something different, it can confuse the child and make it harder to deal with the behavior.

Parents need to work together and be on the same page. 2houses.com’s co-parenting app can help them communicate better and stay consistent. This app is great for managing discipline and keeping track of important aspects of the child’s life, like school and social activities. It can be especially helpful for dealing with any lies the child might tell.

Tips for Handling Your Child’s Lying

Set Clear Expectations
Start early by talking to your child about the importance of honesty. Explain why being truthful matters and what can happen if they lie. Use simple words and examples they can relate to.

Be a Role Model
Kids watch and learn from their parents. Show them how to be honest by being truthful yourself, even when it’s tough. Your actions will teach them that honesty is important.

Create a Safe Space
Make sure your child feels they can talk to you about anything without fear of getting in trouble. A safe, non-judgmental environment helps them be more open and less likely to lie.

Encourage Honesty
Praise your child when they tell the truth, especially if it’s a tough situation. Rewarding honesty helps them see its value and makes them feel good about being truthful.

Handle Mistakes Wisely
If your child lies, stay calm and talk about what happened. Help them understand why lying was a problem and discuss better ways to handle similar situations in the future. Focus on finding solutions rather than just punishing them.

If you think you can’t handle your child’s lying, try reaching out to a parenting coach or a psychology expert for additional support. They can offer personalized guidance to help you navigate these challenges.

Need more help? Don’t hesitate to consult a professional for advice and support!