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2houses can Help Separated Australian Parents Improve their Communication

2houses can Help Separated Australian Parents Improve their Communication

Australians. If there are stereotypes around the world, I’m sure we’ve all heard them…Shrimp on the barbie, vegemite on every meal, I’ve even been asked how often we ride kangaroos or battle drop bears. It can be exhausting, but one stereotype that I often feel is true is that Australians are pretty direct in their communication. Unfortunately, that directness can be both a positive and a negative when going through a divorce or separation and it can be pretty easy for communication to break down between parents.

Of course, it’s expected. Divorce is a lot of hard yakka and, sometimes, it is easier to not communicate what we want or what is needed during it. Thankfully, there are ways that Australian parents who are separating can make communication no wakkas…and that’s through a mediation app like 2houses.

In this article, we are going to go through the ways that 2houses can improve the communication of parents without adding extra stress or hassle.

It’s Easy!

First and foremost, the 2houses app is easy. It can be downloaded quickly to any mobile device or you can load it up on your home computer. Either way, you get access to a lot of features that will help with scheduling, organizing paperwork, sharing expenses and communication. While it would be great to get into all the ways that 2houses can help Australian parents who are separated, we are going to focus on the communication part.

However, before we do, remember that it is not only easy to instal but the interface is so user friendly that even kids—or adults not technology inclined—can use it without struggle.

Number One: Keeps the Communication Oriented on the Kids

One of the best features about 2houses is that it really does keep the focus on the co-parenting part of the relationship…and that means it keeps the focus on the kids. Which is exactly where it is supposed to be. With the 2houses app, you can center all the discussions around the kids, their schedules and their needs and leave communication that deals with the divorce and other matters to other discussions.

Number Two: Allows you to Store Documents and Journals for Easy Access

Another great part of the 2houses app that really helps with communication is that you can upload documents and save them right to the app. This may not seem like a communication matter but when parents need to sign off on things, the documents can be uploaded for the other parent to print off, sign and reupload onto the app. This makes getting joint signatures a lot easier than having to do them at transition periods when kids are going from one house to the next, which is hectic enough.

In addition to just simple housekeeping of forms, 2houses does allow those documents and journals to be stored in the event of a breakdown of the co-parenting relationship. If you aren’t communicating, you will have access to all the documents for court cases if you so need them—which, hopefully, you won’t.

Number Three: You won’t Miss Messages

Missing messages about changes in schedules or other things that come up in the day to day is pretty common. In fact, a lot of co-parents find missed messages to be one of the most common problems they are faced with as co-parents.

With the 2houses app, messages can be sent through the journal or directly on the calendar when there needs to be changes to the schedule. The other parent gets a notification, as can the kids, so that they are alerted to the message and can address it. Having these notifications make it easier to keep track of messages and to stay up to date on information from your fellow co-parent.

Number Four: Connecting the Family Through Albums

Having family connections is always valuable and that connection often comes through communicating. With 2houses, kids and co-parents can share photos through the app’s photo albums so that, even when they are apart, parents can still feel like they are part of their kids’ lives and are still working toward sharing and building memories.

This, in turn, helps improve communication because you can begin to see new dynamics that the family will have. You can appreciate the time your kids are spending with your ex-partner and they can do the same with you. And it gives you things to talk about with both your kids and your ex-partner that are positive which fosters better communication.

Number Five: Gives you Ways to Communicate When Times are Hard

Divorce can bring up a ton of different emotions and, at times, it can be difficult to communicate with your ex-partner without getting into huge arguments or creating more problems between you. During those times, the 2houses app is truly invaluable because it allows communication through the app and not in person.

Even if your communication is great, life can be busy with work and other commitments and you may find that you aren’t even doing handoffs together where you could communicate things directly or those handoffs may be really fast as the kids shuffle from door to car or car to car.

With the 2houses app, you can set up communication through notes and the calendar. You can also write longer communication journals so that things are dealt with as needed. With the app, you can avoid arguments or simply find the time to actually communicate when schedules are hectic.

As you can see, there are many different things you can do to keep that communication flowing and all of it is through the use of an app that is easy to use, low cost and allows you to focus on what is important—your kids. So what are you waiting for? Get started with 2houses to improve your communication with your ex.

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Helping Your Children Adjust to a Separation: Strategies for Australian Parents

Help Your Children Adjust to a Separation

Separation isn’t easy. Not for the parents working through the separation. Not for the kids who have a wide range of emotions and their own fears. It is difficult and many children find it difficult to adjust to the separation. But that is a universal truth that is found around the world, including in Australia. After all Australian kids can struggle with the separation and subsequent divorce, but Australian parents can provide them with the support they need to adjust. They just need the right strategies, which is what this article is all about — the right strategies for Australian parents to help their kids adjust to separation. But first, let’s start with some important truths.

The Truths About Children and Separation

Before we launch into the strategies, the first step for Australian parents is to understand that there are several truths they need to understand. These are:

  1. Children will grieve. No matter how supportive we are as parents, this is a major change for everyone, including the kids. And when we have major change, people go through feelings of loss and grief. This is natural and it is okay for kids to feel this way. Don’t discourage these feelings but talk to your child about them. Let them voice the loss they are feeling, or show you that loss in other ways if they are not verbal. The best way to move through that grief is to allow your kids to process it without fear or shame.
  2. Children often misbehave to let their parents know they are hurting. With young kids, this can present as temper tantrums. With teens, it can present as running away or dangerous behaviours.
  3. Children can blame themselves. Sometimes kids don’t let parents know they are thinking this but it’s important to check in with your kids and talk to them about how the separation is not their fault.

Starting from a place of understanding with your kids will help you create better strategies for supporting them during the adjustment from one home to two houses. But let’s look at those strategies.

Do Remember the Positive Memories

When kids are adjusting, they need to remember the good times, especially since the bad times are probably the most recent memories for them. Don’t hesitate to talk about those times before but make sure that you don’t make them think that things will go back to those times. Instead, focus on how you can create new memories together that will be just as good as the past ones.

By doing this, you can help your kids see that the past is good and that the future will be as well. And when you focus on the past, you teach your kids that, even when things look bad, there are still good things to cherish.

Don’t Put Your Kids in the Middle

Remember the good is great but don’t use it as a way to get your kids to pick sides. And definitely don’t put them in the middle of arguments. If you are having issues, keep that between the adults. Don’t ask your kids to pick sides and never use those good memories as ways to get the kids on your sides. Instead, create a rule with your ex-partner that the dissolution of the marriage is only discussed when the kids are not there to avoid arguments. Kids don’t need to know how the house finances are being split, or the reasons behind the split, they just need to know that they have two caring parents who are trying their best to make sure that they are there for their kids no matter what.

Do Create Similar Routines

Kids need stability and a schedule and this is particularly important when they are trying to adjust to a separation. While some changes to the schedule will be inevitable, you can try to keep some things the same, especially between houses. Talk to your co-parent and set up a schedule that stays the same between houses. When kids know what to expect on their day, they can adjust to the separation much faster then if they don’t.

Don’t have Different Rules

This goes back to routines and is often something that is seen hand in hand with scheduling, but it should be pointed out as it is so important for kids to learn to adjust—always have the same rules. If kids are not allowed to have screens an hour before bed at mom’s house, then the same should be followed at dad’s house. If kids can’t go to hang out with certain friends at dad’s house, then the same rule should be followed at mom’s.

When you separate, it is important to set out rules that you and your ex-partner want to keep with the kids and apply them to both homes. When kids have that predictability, they can adjust to change much faster than those who have no predictability in their rules and structures.

Do Nurture Communication with your Ex-Partner

This is especially important when it comes to co-parenting. Kids need to see positive communication between their parents. They need to understand that both parents know what is going on as it will show them that they are important. And it will show them that no matter what, having effective communication will help overcome some of those harder issues that may face throughout life.

Don’t Fight with your Ex-Partner in Front of your Kids

Communication is hard, especially during a separation or divorce and it can be quite easy to slip into arguments with your ex-partner. It is particularly important that you do not argue in front of the kids for several reasons. First, kids may internally take the blame for the argument. This can hurt their confidence and cause more stress and anxiety for them. Second, it can cause the child to feel that they need to take sides. Third, it makes your kids feel that if they show love to one parent or the other, they will be saying that they are picking sides. And this can lead to feelings of isolation for the kids, which only hinders their adjustment to the separation. If you are unable to discuss things with your ex-partner without fighting or arguing, choose a mediator or a mediation app like 2houses.

The main point to remember is that communication, establishing routines and rules and giving your children emotional support are all things that will help them adjust. In the end, all kids are looking for is affirmation that they are still important and still loved no matter whether their family is living between two houses or one.

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Financial Planning for Canadian Divorced/Separated Parents

Financial Planning for Canadian Divorced

When we get separated or divorced, one of the first things that we notice is that finances have changed significantly. A number of things happen from splitting bank accounts and properties you own to suddenly having to factor in the expense of child support and legal expenses. It can be quite harrowing to see how you’ll maintain your financial freedom as you move from one house-two incomes to one income supporting your kids, extra expenses incurred from divorce (such as additional childcare) and all the other expenses in the day to day.

However, it doesn’t have to be harrowing and there are tips that you can follow that will support your financial freedom and help you adjust to being a divorced or separated Canadian parent.

Tip Number One: Review and Understand Shareable Assets

The first step to financial planning for divorced or separated parents in Canada should begin with reviewing the shareable assets with your ex-partner. You will find that by doing this, you can plan better and make sure that the split of family assets is even between the two of you. In addition, by understanding shareable assets, you will understand what needs to be shared and what doesn’t need to be shared.

So what is an asset? Properties, vehicles, retirement assets (RRSPs and so on), furniture and personal effects can all fall under shareable assets. However, this really depends on when they were purchased and where you reside within Canada. For many, if things were purchased before the marriage, they are not shareable assets and both parties leave with what they came with. However, there can be exceptions to this. For instance, in the case of an RRSP, if your partner contributed to it during your marriage, it may need to be split. Another one can be the matrimonial home. Even if it was purchased before you were ever a couple, it may need to be split at the time of divorce.

In addition, things like gifts, inheritance and similar may not be shareable assets depending on the province that you live in.

The best advice here is to speak with a lawyer for financial planning so you can understand what is shareable in your province and what isn’t.

Before you go and speak with a lawyer, be sure to make a list of all of your assets so that you don’t have to spend extra money going back if you missed something and need to have it added.

Tip Number Two: Understand How the Taxes are Going to Affect You

This is often one of the top things that Canadian parents who are separating or divorcing don’t think about, the taxes. In Canada, both married couples, and common-law couples (if they have lived together for at least 12 months) will face the same tax laws when there is a divorce. This circles around family assets and can actually affect each party when assets are divided during the separation or divorce.

This means that when a couple are separating, the Canadian government may administer tax consequences depending on the value on the asset. It should be noted that value is based on before, during and after the relationship ends so any appreciation and depreciation of an item will be taken into account.

When you are planning for your finances, make sure you take this into account as you will want to factor that into how items are split between both of you since it could lead to some significant taxes being owed for some assets and not others.

Tip Number Three: Make Sure Titles are Switched

One thing to remember in Canada is that if you have shared assets with both your names on it, your ex-partner will have rights of survivorship on those assets, regardless of your will. The only province that does not have this rule is Quebec. To prevent future problems, make sure that any property that you retain after the divorce has all titles switched to you completely. This will also minimize any future problems with your ex-partner if you decide to sell off any assets that you retained.

Tip Number Four: Discuss Shared Expenses

While we’ve been looking at the split of assets, it is important to discuss shared expenses with your ex-partner, especially if you have kids that will have expenses. Talk about what will be covered by child support payments and then anything that comes above and beyond that child support.

Once you know what shared expenses you will have, you can begin to look at your own financials to determine where you will need to save so you are able to get your financial freedom again. It isn’t easy, but understanding shared expenses as quickly as possible, even before you finalize anything in the courts, you can plan for your own future with more ease.

Tip Number Five: Review your Estate Plan

Finally, make sure that you review your estate plan with your estate planner. Do you have life insurance policies? Change the beneficiary or have a trust take care of it for your children. If you have a will, have it redrafted to reflect your current relationship so that everything is set the way you want it set.

Finally, be sure to look at your overall financial goals, where you are at this point, what assets you have after leaving the marriage and what you are earning vs paying out. Create a plan to build back anything you’ve lost during the divorce and what you’ll need to do to build it back.

Creating financial freedom doesn’t have to be unobtainable after a divorce, it just takes understanding of assets, your provincial laws regarding divorce and being set on your financial goals. With some hard work and focus, you can be back to your financial freedom in no time.

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How to Create a Custody Schedule That Works for Your Family

Create a Custody Schedule That Works for Your Family

When it comes to divorce or separation, often one of the hardest tasks that you can sit down to do is create a custody schedule. There are a lot of layers to it, which can include court orders, work schedules for both co-parents, and the kids’ own schedules. There is a lot of juggling that can be done just to iron out a schedule and keep it running on the day to day, whether you are running through a co-parenting app, such as 2houses, or through a basic calendar. In this article, we will go through some key points to creating a custody schedule that works for your family.

Step One: Map out Schedules

The first thing that you should do is write out, or map, the schedules of everyone involved. Your work schedule, your ex-partner’s work schedule and then the kids’ school schedules. Add in any extra curricular activities that you, your partner or kids have on a weekly basis. Also be sure to add in any vacation time that you know about. This might have to added later or revised on a yearly basis, but if you know now, put it in.

While it may seem a bit daunting writing this out before you even set up the schedule, having everything at hand when you create a custody schedule will help it go smoothly without as many last minute changes to the schedule when you realize something was forgotten. That isn’t to say that things won’t be forgotten, or even added depending on the time of year, but having the majority of it will make planning go smoother.

Step Two: Discuss the Joint Activities

Although we often think of custody schedules as two houses having separate time with the kids, this isn’t always the case. For instance, before the separation, one parent may be volunteering as a soccer coach, which means that every weekend, whether it is their weekend or not, they will be seeing the kids. Or maybe there is a regular event that both parents always attended, such as swimming lessons, and you want to keep that same routine for the kids.

In the event of these joint activities, you need to look at how it will go work logistically. Will you schedule transitions after the event? For instance, you go to the soccer game at 10am every Saturday but there is a weekend visitation with the other parent. Do the kids stay at their primary residence on Friday night and just go to the game with their primary caregiver before leaving with the other parent, or would they come in with the other parent after leaving for visitation the night before?

Step Three: Think of Logistics

Once you have the loose schedule made, think about the logistics. Some activities might be closer to you than to your ex-partner so it may be easier to create visitation days around those activities for logistics. For instance, if music class is 10 minutes from your house but 45 minutes from your ex-partners every Thursday evening, you may want to shift a 50/50 arrangement so that you always have the child on that Thursday evening so there is less rushing to do for the other parent and vice versa.

It may seem like a minor thing but not having to lose a lot of one on one time with your kids through thinking of the kids’ activities in relation to where everyone is living will actually build a positive relationship. Everyone will feel like they are getting ample quality time with the kids, regardless of how busy the schedule is.

Step Four: Explore the Custody Agreement

If you have drafted a custody agreement, or it has been court ordered, make sure you explore the ins and outs of it to meet the agreement. This will help prevent any problems in the future with custody agreements and will also give your kids a lot of stability.

If there are set days of the weeks in the court agreement, you’ll have to stick to that, unless there is room for adjustments if both parents agree. If the agreement is down to numbers such as 50/50, 40/60, etc., you can simply plan the schedule so it works best with everyone’s schedules, including choosing time when parents have days off to possibly reduce expenses of childcare or to have those full days with the kids.

One thing to note, if you have people who do pick up and drop off, or after school childcare, make sure you factor that into the schedule as well since they will be an important part of your support team as co-parents.

Step Five: Discuss the Schedule with Your Kids

This varies depending on the age of your kids but, if they are old enough, take the time to discuss the schedule with them. I always recommend discussing this when the schedule has been drafted and take their thoughts into consideration. On things that can be changed to reflect their needs and wants, make those changes. On things that can’t be changed, sit down and discuss why it can’t be changed and why it was decided to work in this manner.

Unfortunately, kids may not like all the things in the schedule but knowing that they’ve been heard and considered really does help them with accepting the schedule.

Step Six: Test Drive that Schedule

Once you have finished drafting the schedule, it’s time to test drive it. This varies depending on the family, but I always recommend testing it for 1 to 3 months. Make note of what works, what doesn’t work and what things could use some refining. A great way to do this is through a communication journal.

Every month, go over what was working and can stay, what still needs to be looked at and what needs to be changed completely. By doing this, you can really set the schedule so it works for your kids. Even after you have it fine tuned, take the time every 6 months or so to go through the schedule and adjust it by what has changed —you may even have to do it more than every six months with changing activities through the year, changes to work and so on. If there is a major change, review the schedule and adjust as needed. By following these steps, you can create a schedule that not only works for your family but is tailored to its unique and individual needs. And creating a working custody schedule will also help in building a positive co-parenting relationship between you and your ex.

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Creating a Positive Co-Parenting Relationship: Lessons from Successful Australian Families

Positive co-parenting

Co-parenting is full of highs and lows and moments when you aren’t sure if you will ever get things right. And that is okay. Co-parenting is a learning process and one that most of us never expected to be on. If you are starting off on your co-parenting journey with an ex-partner, don’t be discouraged by bumps in the road or feelings of confusion or being alone in this journey. Every single co-parenting family has been in this position but the great thing to remember is that you are not alone, which we will explore in these amazing stories from two Australian couples who’ve gone through separation and divorce and have created a great relationship as co-parents.

Liam and Olivia

When my ex and I got divorced, it was pretty rough. We had a complete breakdown of our marriage after 20 years together and found ourselves fighting constantly. When we finally split, it was hard to break out of that cycle of fighting, even where the kids were concerned. We couldn’t agree on anything and the kids really felt the need to pick sides between us because they felt that pressure.

After nearly a year of pretty awful behaviour on both of our parts, we realized that if things didn’t change, we’d have no choice but to head to court, and that was not something we wanted to do in regard to co-parenting. Two of our kids were teens, the other one was 8. It meant at least 12 years of co-parenting until they were all off living their own lives and it wasn’t healthy to put our kids through this.

So we went and found a mediator who could help us iron out the poorly crafted custody schedule and agreement we’d made between us. The mediator really helped us focus on the kids and not on our own hurt, which is what we were really focused on for the last year at least. Once we were done creating a new custody agreement, the mediator recommended that we try a mediation app to stick to the agreement. Liam found the 2houses app and he set it up, opting to rotate the yearly cost with him paying the first year and me the second.

There were some hiccups along the way as we finalized our divorce and alimony and child support payments but even when we couldn’t be civil in person, we were able to do so through the app. It helped that the kids also had access to the account so they could have input in what was happening and it kept us focused on putting their needs above the negative emotions they were having.

Now that the divorce is finalized, Liam and I have found our stride with co-parenting. The kids are happy and thriving and we even go to joint events together without any of the tension that we had before.

Noah and Christine

Noah was married long before we were together and brought a 5 year old boy and 8 year old girl to our relationship. We ended up having another baby together to make our home a blended family. Unfortunately, five years into the relationship, we ended it with a 3 year old, 10 year old and 13 year old. I thought it would be easy moving into the co-parenting role since I’d been a stepmom already but it became even more complicated because there were three parents involved: myself, Noah and Noah’s ex Michelle.

Although the older two kids weren’t mine, we’d had a strong relationship when the marriage ended and I still wanted to have visitation rights to them. Through our relationship, the kids had lived in a 50/50 arrangement with Michelle, which meant that I spent as much time with the kids as she did.

Since we’d worked through a lot of co-parenting hiccups with Michelle prior to our split, entering into co-parenting for our youngest was easy. We followed the same 50/50 visitation schedule we’d used with the oldest two, kept our personal issues away from topics about the baby and put her best interests at heart with every decision. It was incredibly easy.

However, when Noah and I split, the sticking point was my stepchildren. He didn’t understand why I wanted to still have visitation rights to them and Michelle didn’t believe that we should have a 30/30/30 split since the oldest two were not mine at all. This was where we ended up having the most arguments because I wanted to see the kids and didn’t see the problem with them having a third parent as invested in them as their other parents.

Eventually, we realized that we needed to talk to the kids about the situation. What did they want to do? The answer was that they wanted all three of us in their lives on a regular basis so together, we came up with a custody schedule that meant the kids see all of us on a regular basis and attend all their big events together. The extra bonus was that my youngest was able to see her siblings a lot more than even before the divorce because a lot of the visitation times were all together whether with their dad or with me, which helped them build a connection as siblings.

With separating, the main advice that I would give is to be open to ideas but to also listen to what your kids want if they are older. Whether you realize it or not, even an 8 year old has a pretty good idea of what he wants and while some things can’t be accomplished, listening to them really helps them adjust to the divorce.

The second advice I’d give is to really have a good co-parenting app to schedule everything because with 3 kids and 3 adults, we definitely have a busy house…especially with it spread out over three homes. As you can see, everyone has ups and downs with co-parenting but there are things that you can do to really make co-parenting work with you. The main points are to listen, put the kids first to avoid those harder emotions and use the tools that you have available to you. Co-parenting isn’t easy but there are many out there who are cheering for you to succeed.

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Common Mistakes To Avoid When Co-parenting After Divorce/Separation In The USA

Mistakes To Avoid When Co-parenting After Divorce/Separation

Co-parenting is a difficult task. After a breakup or divorce, parents’ emotions may run high, making it difficult for them to work together for their children’s sake. You may expect to err. All of us do. Real maturity consists of admitting guilt and making atonement when wrongdoing has been done. This will not only set a good example for your children to follow when they encounter challenges in life, but it will also demonstrate your commitment to being the best parent you can be.

Don’t Respect Boundaries

We recently encountered a mother who, to facilitate her ex-husband’s increased contact with the children, was planning to allow him to see the children in her home. They used to live in this home together. She often returned home to discover him occupying her bed with the kids. Despite her best efforts to explain to him otherwise, he refused to stop violating the limit she had set and refused to accept that the room was no longer his. His spare time with his family suddenly evaporated.  Although this seems like an extreme example, the same thing might happen if you don’t pay attention to limits.

Losing your temper

Divorce may make it difficult to set your wants and feelings aside and concentrate on your children’s best interests while co-parenting. You’ll inevitably lose your cool as a co-parent. Your co-parent, second only to your kids, is an expert at getting under your skin. Their words and actions may sometimes provoke you, causing you to lose perspective and control over your actions and emotions. It may be your fault occasionally, or it may be theirs.

Keep Children and Money Entangled

It requires self-control to avoid falling into this trap. Some states calculate child support based on how often each parent sees their kid. Although there are positive outcomes to this strategy, it teaches parents to combine child care with financial concerns. When disputes include both finances and parenting time, finding a solution might seem like going through the divorce process all over again.

Don’t be afraid to admit it when you’re wrong. If one parent is in the wrong and the other does not accept an apology, that parent should nonetheless make one. As a bonus, you’ll be setting a good example for your kids about how to handle disagreement and the value of being able to acknowledge when you’re wrong. An additional benefit is that you and your co-parent may begin to establish communication channels and provide an example of cooperative parenting.

Making it more about the power struggle than the children

Emotions might run high after a divorce or separation. Even the most caring parent may unintentionally use their kid to get revenge on their ex. Some parents may flout the rules or go beyond presents to seem more “fun” than their counterparts. Staying up late for ice cream or a trip to the toy shop are two simple ways that parents may make their kids happy. Refusing to make adjustments to the parenting plan when they are asked is another frequent error. It’s common for parents to defend their kids’ “unreasonable” demands or to gripe about not being given enough warning. It’s easy to slip into the trap of playing “gotcha” with other parents, and it may be difficult to detect this behavior in yourself.

Using Your Child As A Messenger Or Requesting Their Allegiance

Divorced parents often make the mistake of continuing to talk about their children with one another. You may wish to avoid your ex as much as possible once the divorce or separation is completed. However, you and your child’s other parent will still be working together for some time. It’s tempting to use your kid as a messenger between you and the other parent when you’re running late for the pick-up or just want to get something off your chest. But by doing so, you are expecting your kid to be emotionally mature enough to handle the other parent’s reaction. In addition to demonstrating your continued disagreement, this will leave your youngster feeling torn. Another pitfall is pressuring a youngster to take a stance on contentious issues like who to spend the holidays with or who to see in the event of a scheduling problem. If you give your kids a say in major life choices, you may feel like you’re being fair, but in reality, you’re placing a lot of pressure on them.

How can you avoid making these co-parenting mistakes?

Know your triggers

Identifying your triggers is an important first step. Do you hate it when pick-ups are late? Is the lack of discipline in the other parent’s home a source of anger for you? Tired of constantly replacing misplaced clothing and accessories? Frustrated by the constant eye roll? Once you’ve identified your triggers, you’ll be better able to exercise self-awareness and control over your reaction to stressful situations.

Prepare yourself for the times when things don’t go as planned

Once you and your partner have settled on a set of ground rules, you may discuss how to proceed if one parent violates them. Essentially, you’ll want to make it clear that you’ll each be allowed to hold the other parent to the terms of the agreement and to name names if one of you breaks them. You may come to an understanding along the lines of “Let’s try to keep within our ground rules.” If one parent gets too agitated, having a backup plan is important. Maybe you may agree that it would be better to take a break from the conversation and resume it when everyone’s emotions are more stable. It’s important to prepare for the inevitable unpleasant days since we all experience them.

Apologize

Make sure your apologies come from a place of genuine regret and contrition when you’ve done wrong. To go from an aggressive co-parenting relationship to one that is more businesslike and courteous, an apology may work wonders.

Conclusion

Divorce and separation may be difficult for both parents. There will be occasions when you lose control of your emotions, namely your rage. Remember your promise to your kids, own up to your faults, and do everything you can to put them first while still growing as a parent despite the setback.

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Top Legal Considerations for Separated Parents in Australia

Legal Considerations for Separated Parents

Separation can be a tricky period in a relationship that is difficult to navigate. Unless you know that you are planning to get divorced as an end goal, separation can mean a lot of different things for you, your ex-partner and your children from a short period to solve problems, to a complete break without a formal divorce, to a range of other things. But regardless of what separation means to you, there are a number of legal considerations that separated parents in Australia need to consider, which we will go over in this article.

It’s all About the Kids

First, before we get into some of the legal considerations, parents need to understand that all of these considerations need to come from the side of the kids. That means that kids have to be at the forefront of consideration for decisions and their well-being is important. So any decision, if it goes to the court, will have the kids’ best interests in mind when they make the decision. If you are making the decision privately or with a mediator, keep the children’s best interest in mind for all of them.

Meaningful Relationships are a Right

In Australia, children have a right to a meaningful relationship with their parents, unless there is a concern for safety. What “meaningful relationship” means is a relationship where the child has continued involvement that resembles the close connection they had prior to the split. This should be with both parents but it can also be with other caregivers. For instance, if one set of grandparents always babysit the kids while the parents are at work, this should be continued, even after a split.

Now that we’ve looked at those two points in regard to the kids, let’s look at other legal considerations that parents who are separating in Australia need to consider.

Equality in Parenting Responsibility

In Australia, parents who are separating need to consider that, legally, they both have the same level of parenting responsibility. In addition, this parenting responsibility comes with the same level of power, duty and authority over the children. That means that both need to have input into long term, or life changing, decisions being made for the children, regardless of whether you were married or are separating from a long term relationship.

One interesting point to make is that for decisions that are less life changing, such as moving out of the country, can be made independently. However, to help with the co-parenting relationship, Australian parents should set up communication to make decisions together.

Another point to make is that the courts can decide to remove parenting responsibility if it is in the best interests of the child.

Equal Responsibility Does Not Mean Equal Parenting Time

While parents may have equal responsibility, and everything that comes with that responsibility, unless determined by a judge, they do not have that equality when it comes to parenting time. In fact, unless parents agree without a judge, 50:50 time with the children is not always standard. This is very important to stress because, at one time, this was standard law in Australia; however, that is no longer the case.

Instead, courts are looking at the best interests of the child. If a 50:50 arrangement is not in the best interests of each individual child, then it will not be part of the court arrangement. Instead, a careful look will be taken in regard to the child’s needs, where they will have the best living arrangement and how the meaningful relationship can be nurtured regarding visitation time.

This can be quite overwhelming and parents can often disagree with what this looks like. There are a number of free guides that help you navigate a parenting order, which is one determined by the courts. However, it is always the best option for parents to make a visitation agreement together, being sure to have the children’s best interests, along with opportunity to nurture that meaningful relationship, at heart when you make your parenting agreement.

There is a Financial Duty to the Children

This was touched on already but Australian parents have a financial duty to support their children after the separation. This means that regardless of who the children live with, both parents have to financially support them. This can be done in a number of ways such as agreements between parents on shared expenses. Or there can be court ordered child support payments for the kids.

One thing that parents should understand is that in Australia, the Department of Human Services administers child support payments. They also have a number of resources to understand how much support should be given, and how parents can navigate the financial obligations that they have for their children.

Family Law is Gender Neutral

A final point that should be made about the legal system in Australia, when it comes to family law, is that it is gender neutral. This was determined in the Family Law Act 1975. With this law, there are no assumption in regard to gender of the parents or gender roles. What this means for parents who are separating is that traditional roles of parenting are not taken into consideration and the courts will look at relationships and the best interests of the children when determining the parent who will provide the primary care and residence.

This gender neutrality of the law enables dads to have as much say as moms and it enables either parent to hold the responsibility of primary caregiver. In the end, the courts all agree that the child thriving in a healthy and happy way is more important than traditional gender roles within parenting.

Understanding some of these legal considerations when you are separating assists in making sure that the separation is easier for both you and your children.  We know that separation can have a lot of negative impacts on children, especially when it is not an amicable separation but knowing the legal considerations can make the transition much easier for all of you.

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Tips for Successfully Managing Custody Schedules with 2houses

Successfully Managing Custody Schedules

Custody schedules. They can make or break a co-parenting relationship. The reason? Custody schedules are a difficult task to do. They often bring up a lot of emotions that co-parents have to navigate through, along with some situations that can be uncomfortable for everyone—including those shared events where both parents have to be present. Once they are made, co-parenting schedules can still have a lot of hiccups, which is why the 2houses app and digital platform is a must have tool for any parents who are separating or divorcing.

So what is so good about 2houses when it comes to managing custody schedules? The answer is really everything. 2houses was designed by a divorced father to make co-parenting with his ex much easier and to minimize the tension between them. Since custody schedules can often be one of the biggest areas where there are tension between parents and 2houses can help reduce that tension.

But while the app is easy to use, there are a few tips that will make the app even more successful with managing those custody schedules.

Tip Number One: Use the Repeat Event Function

Unlike a lot of apps, 2houses allows you to repeat the same event easily. Simply program it in and hit the dates that it will be repeating (such as every week or every day), then save the event. This can be a time saver and really helps with keeping you organized in as easy a way as possible. A lot of other co-parenting apps need even repetitive events to be programmed in, which can take a lot of time.

While it may not seem like a big deal, repetitive events, such as scheduled visitation, happen a lot with custody schedules and can be daunting to constantly enter. So let 2houses make custody schedules easy.

Tip Number Two: Negotiate through the App

Another great way to be successful at managing your custody schedule with 2houses is to let the app do the negotiating whenever schedules need to change. Let’s face it, while the focus is on what is best for our kids, sometimes things happen and we end up needing to cancel or shift schedules slightly, such as work commitments. That doesn’t mean that you have to give up time with your kids. What it means is that you need to renegotiate so that schedules can shift.

2houses is perfect for this. You can make a request for changes in schedule, such as needing to shift vacation time with your kids, right on the app without having to do it in person. The other parent will get the notification that a request has been made and can agree, make a different suggestion or decline. With the app, you can do all your negotiating digitally and that can avoid a lot of the tension that can come with shifts in custody schedules.

Tip Number Three: Let the App Do the Reminding

Like negotiating schedules, the 2houses app is great at making it so parents don’t have to give each other reminders. In fact, reminders can be set in the app so that parents can remember important events when they are scheduled to attend. In addition, when you have to send notes to each other, the app will send a notification to the other parent so they know that it is there.

Finally, reminders and notifications can be sent to the kids directly since 2houses is kid friendly and can be used by everyone in the family to track schedules. So if something changes in the custody schedule, you can put a note in the journal so your kids will see it too, creating stability for them in their schedules.

Tip Number Four: Send Notes Through the App

This touches on the last point but you can send notes to your kids and to your co-parent through the app. That means that you can always communicate directly and, since the app saves the communication, you will be able to have a paper trail of those messages if you ever need them for court.

Being able to send notes, you can let the other parent know if you are going to be late or if the schedule needs to change. Another great thing with the app is that you can send notes and journal about what has happened during your visitation days. This is great for parents to stay connected since transition times when kids go from one house to the other can be quite hectic and it’s easy to forget things.

The notes allow for the best communication and will help you manage both your co-parenting relationship and your custody schedule.

Tip Number Five: Let your Kids have Input

Finally, as mentioned, the kids can go and look at the journal, calendar and many sections of the 2houses app. This allows them to see what is happening with their schedules as well as have input into their schedule. Things may be happening in the kids’ lives as well, such as wanting to attend a birthday party, and they can enter that into the schedule to get both parents signing off on it, even when it cuts into visitation times.

By letting the kids have a way to give input into the custody schedule, you are letting them feel like they have some control in a situation where they often have very little. This will nurture their health and well being and will build their confidence as they navigate through separation and divorce.

In the end, the 2houses app provides families with ways to manage and navigate the custody schedule without a lot of the tension that can come with it. When you follow these tips, you can ensure that your custody schedule is optimized and you will find that life between two houses will be easier for you, your children and your ex-partner…and that is what we all want—ways to make life easier, especially at the most difficult of times.

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How Shared Photo Albums on 2houses Help Children Stay Connected with Both Parents

Album photos

Photos are the lifeblood of the world…or at least, that is how they seem. They help us connect to places, people and things. They enable us to capture memories in time that we can enjoy for years to come. Photos allow us to show the world where we’ve been and who we love. And those photos allow us to connect with our kids, especially when we aren’t with them.

Let’s face it, in today’s world, photos have become an important way for us to communicate and they often bring us all together, which is why 2houses felt that they were an important feature to include in their app.

Kids Love Photos

Kids love photos. They love to take them, see them and just share them and the app takes that into account. Kids can do all of these things and share them in a photo album that their parents can access. One of the best things about this is that parents can add to these albums as well so that kids can see what their parents are doing when they aren’t there. For example, if your kids love butterflies and you see one while walking to work, you can snap a photo, send it over and caption it with a note.

Having the option of the photo album can help in creating some stability and predictability in their lives. They can see their world as being as rich as it was when both of you were together and they can capture those photos they love to show both of their parents just how amazing their lives are, even when they can’t be with both of them at once.

Capturing Memories

One things that a lot of parents say when they separate is that they miss out on those important milestones or memories. While the photos can’t put you right there for the memory, it can help with feeling connected to your kids…and with your kids feeling connected with both of their parents.

The reason? The photo albums and journals allow both parents to ad to them, as well as the kids. They can document important memories and share with the other parent so they have a sense of being involved with the memory. And since you are getting photos, the next time you see your kids, you can look at the photos and discuss what happened to help establish that memory as shared for your kids. They will feel like you are invested in them, even when you can’t be together, and this will boost their confidence and help them cope with the divorce much better.

Checking In

Connection with kids is often about being able to check in. You might remember when your kids were younger and how, when playing, they would often look up and over at you or might talk to you. This is part of kids learning how to connect with their parents and is an important part of child development as they grow up.

2houses is aware of how important it is for kids to check in with their parents. It helps build a relationship with both parents and their kids and it creates that stability. They know that you are there even when you can’t be present in that moment.

With the photo albums, kids can check in with the parent they are not with. They can stop and say, “Hey, look at what we did,” and send a photo for the other parent to look at. From there, you can send a quick message to show that you got it and that you are focused on them too.

Letting them know that they can check in and that those check ins will be appreciated will help them feel a connection with their parents. It lets them know that they matter regardless of what is happening between parents or on the day to day…and that connection is one of the best feelings both you and your kids can have.

Allows for Special Messages

As mentioned already, you can send notes to the kids when they share photos so that they know that you are connecting with them. Having the ability to send notes is a great way that the app really highlights the relationship between you and your kids. They can tell you about the day, let you know the photos are in the photo album and even journal about what happened or something funny that made them want to share the photo.

In return, you can respond and talk about the photo, what you liked about it, what it made you think about and you can connect around the story that they tell you about it. This type of interaction, while not face to face, can be done quickly without really cutting into the time your child is spending with their other parent. And this type of interaction builds relationships and connections.

Demonstrates Connection to Your Kids

Finally, the photo albums in the 2houses app is there for parents to share photos as well, and not just with their kids. They can share photos with the other parent, which can be a great way to nurture the co-parenting relationship, which does not have to be negative, and demonstrates to the kids how connections can grow.

By sharing photos of your kids with your ex-partner, you can create a better relationship with them, and help your ex-partner stay connected with things that are happening and vice versa. This demonstrates to the children how to use the photo albums to connect and also lets them know that you are both connecting so that the kids have everything that they need.

In the end, the photo albums may not seem like a big deal when you first spot them on the app, after all, there are plenty of ways to share photos, but having this private little place just for your family will only nurture their feelings of connectedness. And the kids will learn that they are loved, that their parents are focused on them, and that while houses may look different, especially when they are within two, families are still about those shared memories…even if they are only through photos.

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The Importance of Communication for Canadian Co-Parents

Importance of Communication for Canadian Co-Parents

Communication. It has become such a strange thing that we often don’t even think about. Our world is all about communicating, yet it seems like many people are communicating less. I found that before I separated from my partner—we’d stopped communicating, even though we were sharing a lot of information on a daily basis. When we stepped into the role of co-parenting, we realized that it is vital that we begin communicating properly…and in completely new ways than we had before.

In fact, to properly separate and create two houses that function as a continuation of the other, communication was key, but it definitely wasn’t easy. In this tip, I will explain why communication is so important for Canadian co-parents as well as some things that really worked for us.

Why is Communicating so Important?

Obviously, everyone has dozens of reasons why communicating is so important, but when it comes down to co-parenting, it is because it is imperative. If co-parents aren’t communicating, they can’t co-parent and if they are not co-parenting to the best interests of their children, the courts can step in as their main concern in Canadian law is the best interest of the children but that can mean that those decisions are not best for parents.

Even without the courts stepping in, there is a lot to cover when Canadian parents are first separating from custody agreements, visitation schedules, financial agreements, and the not-so-simple task for telling the kids about the separation. All of this takes communication and how you communicate can determine how quickly you can move on to the next stage of parenting—co-parenting.

But you may be wondering, how can I make communication one of the most important parts of co-parenting when we are still going through the separation? The easy answer is that it’s not going to be easy. When it comes to the kids, and co-parenting, you have to put a lot of the other things to the side. And there are ways that you can do this.

Separate the Communication

For communicating when it comes to co-parenting, separate the communication. What this means is that you should only be talking about matters that affect the kids. Anything that has to do with your relationship or the separation as it affects the adults should be set to specific types of communication or set times. When it is time to discuss things for the kids, make sure you don’t go into things about the relationship or how you are dealing with splitting the households.

The main reason for this is that it keeps the communication centered and you are less likely to argue over things if you are communicating about the kids.

Leave it in the Past

Along the same lines, leave it in the past. When my partner and I first separated, it was difficult to really leave the past where it should be. Unfortunately, every time we brought up behaviours in the past…such as I always took the kids to the doctors…we would get caught up in arguing and not communicating. The fact was, in our new arrangement, sometimes my kids had doctors’ appointments when they were with my ex and sometimes with me, which meant that I had to rely on my ex to handle things that I used to handle.

Instead of focusing on the past, I was able to see the importance of communicating about all the things the kids needed and not just the things my ex handled when we were together. That was where a co-parenting app really came in handy. We could schedule things, but we could also journal important information and communicate needs much better without having to worry about how things were done in the past. New family dynamic, new tools, such as 2houses, to make that dynamic run smoothly.

Focus on the Three Ws

Finally, this was advice that we received a few times from various lawyers and friends who had been through divorce and separation—focus on the three Ws to really make sure that communication is thriving.

So what are the three Ws? These are:

  • Who: The people who need to be part of the communication. For many families, there are a lot of extra people who need to be part of the communication involved with co-parenting. Schools, teachers, extended family, stepparents and even the kids themselves. By expanding on the who, you can really determine how to create strong communication between everyone for the best interests of the kids.
  • What: This really looks at the communication component. What type of information will you be sharing. Co-parents need to set up parameters on what needs to be shared — such as emergencies or test results from the doctors— to what doesn’t need to be shared—such as what the kids ate for dinner. Some of the what will seem insignificant but they are important for nurturing relationships between parents and kids and are an important part of communication.
  • When: Finally, figure out when you need to speak with your co-parent. Does it need to be daily? Just at exchanges or do you need to touch base once or twice a week? By deciding a schedule for when to communicate, you can ensure that all communication is to the point and not meandering into other topics.

While it is not part of the three Ws, how you communicate will help you communicate with your co-parent. If you are finding that face to face conversations are resulting in fights, move to online or communicate through the 2houses app. If you need faster responses, try texting. Trust me, when you find the way to communicate that works best for you and your ex-partner, you will be able to communicate effectively, which will add important benefits to your co-parenting relationship.

In the end, communication is what is going to make you both successful as co-parents so it can be the most important step to supporting your kids.