Category: Education

Last week, my son Aaron made the school soccer team. Boy, was I proud. And I couldn’t stop saying so. “Good job, buddy! You’re the best!” I beamed, he beamed, and all seemed right with the world.

It’s not the first time my kids have heard me shout their praises. I’m the resident cheering section, their biggest fan, a back-patter extraordinaire. These days, you can find me handing out compliments as if they’re sticks of gum – when my kids practise guitar, score a goal, help with dishes. The mom logic goes like this: The kid does good (or good enough for me), so I make him feel great about himself. It’s called boosting self-esteem. Or so I thought.

Step back

As it turns out, there are better ways to build self-esteem than heaping on praise for everything kids do – starting with helping them become competent in the world, says Jim Taylor, author of the book Your Kids Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You. To do so, though, you have to learn to step back and let your child take risks, make choices, solve problems and stick with what they start.

Over-praising kids does more harm than good

Self-esteem comes from feeling loved and secure, and from developing competence, Taylor says, and although parents often shower their kids with the first two ingredients, competence – becoming good at things – takes time and effort. “As much as we may want to, we can’t praise our kids into competence,” he says.

In fact, by over-praising kids, we’re doing more harm than good. “We’re lowering the bar for them,” Taylor says. “If you keep telling your child she is already doing a fantastic job, you’re saying she no longer needs to push herself. But confidence comes from doing, from trying and failing and trying again – from practice.”

Samantha MacLeod, who has four boys, ages one to nine, believes constant complimenting can actually erode self-esteem. Either kids start thinking they’re perfect or they try to be perfect all the time – an impossible standard. And inaccurate praise confuses them, she says. “If my son can’t spell and I tell him he’s doing terrific, he learns not to trust his own instincts. He also learns that praise is just flat-out lying.”

Plus, Taylor adds, telling your child he’s the best, the smartest or the most talented is setting him up for some very bad news down the road. You’re creating an egomaniac who thinks his scribbles are Rothkos but, sooner or later, he’ll discover he’s not all that after all.

Read more on Todaysparent.com

There are a handful of obviously wrong, damaging and terrible things to say to a child (“I wish I never had you” or “You’re the reason we’re getting a divorce” count among them).

But it may surprise you to discover that some seemingly harmless phrases can trigger resentment, dent self-esteem or bring up other less-than-desirable sentiments in your kids. Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…,notes, “We have the best of intentions, but often we say things to our kids without thought to how it’s being perceived by the child.” Here, 10 phrases you should think twice about before repeating to your kids.

1. “I know you can try harder.”

Frustrated by a daughter who you know is capable of much more in school, sports, music, etc.? While you (hopefully!) aren’t saying such obviously hurtful things as “You are so lazy!”, any comment that makes it seem as though you’re not satisfied with her efforts can not only be discouraging to your child, it can also do the opposite of motivating her to try harder, says McCready. If your “try harder” has to do with tasks or chores, be clear about what you expect: “When you have your room cleaned up, then you can go out and play.” If you’re talking about academics, “take note of times she does go the extra mile,” such as: “Wow! That extra time spent on your book report really shows!”

2. “Are you sure you need that second cupcake?”

Yikes. You have good intentions—keeping your child fit and healthy—but you’re better off steering clear of any talk that might foster a negative body image, says McCready. If you’re worried about what your child eats at home, use actions, not words, such as stocking your kitchen with healthy foods rather than junk and emphasizing family physical activity like after-dinner walks. That way, if there are cupcakes at a party, your child’s fine to indulge. And walk the walk yourself; you mix your message if you tell your kid to keep his hands out of the cookie jar while you’re inhaling potato chips. Incidentally, the same goes for telling your child that he’s a “great” eater; try to avoid labels (he’s my picky child; she’s such an adventurous eater; this one needs to stay away from treats) because “you never want to turn food into a power issue,” says McCready. As best you can, keep food-related comments specific and positive: “Wow, I see you tried the squash soup!”

3. “You always…” or “You never…”

Undeniably, it’s tempting—almost a reflex at times—to spit out an always (“You always forget to put your socks in the hamper!”) or a never (“You never remember to call me when you’re running late!”). But be careful because those two words are a minefield, says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of “The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids”.

Read more on Womansday.com

With Martin Luther King Jr Day approaching, consider introducing the idea of diversity and cultural differences to your children. It will be easy to start with this really great egg activity. A great visual demonstration is always tops in our book here at Kids Activities Blog.

Supplies:
1 white egg
1 brown egg
plate

What is Diversity

One of the beautiful things about our little ones is that color, cultural differences and even language usually don’t phase them. Notice that I used the word “phase” because kids are very observant so they do notice the differences. Let’s start teaching them when they are young that accepting and celebrating the differences is a way of life. This will not only have a lasting impression on their own life but impact the world as well.

When we first arrived to South America my son didn’t have a grasp of the Spanish language, the children were a bit smaller then his anglo body type (he gets that from his father) and he was a bit lighter than a lot of the kids. His Spanish was basic, he knew a few words here and there like “hola” or “adios” and maybe some numbers but that was it.

When he started preschool I was nervous for him knowing that most of the children didn’t speak English and he didn’t speak Spanish. One day I went out to observe him and guess what. He was happily playing with the other boys and girls. They played in their own language but with each other and it wasn’t a problem. It was a beautiful picture of how we should play as adults.

When our kids begin to start noticing and sharing the differences pay close attention to how they are expressing themselves. Are they using hurtful words? Negatively? In awe? Discuss with them their observations. This would be a good time to share a very practical lesson on diversity.

We are ALL the same on the inside

Read more…
From INSPIREDBYFAMILY for kidsactivitiesblog.com

Parenting is a challenging job. But when you throw divorce into the mix, it becomes even more complicated. As parents, we aim to teach our children valuable life lessons, but during a divorce, these teachings can often take a backseat.

This article will provide you with an in-depth guide to teaching valuable life lessons while you’re going through a divorce.

1. Embracing Change

Life’s a wild ride. One of the craziest rollercoasters you may find yourselves on is divorce within the family. It’s like suddenly the whole world shifts, and nothing feels quite the same anymore. This is your chance to show your children something very important.

You need to sit down with your children and discuss what’s happening. Let them know that change is just a part of our life. It’s scary, but it’s also exciting because it means new opportunities are around the corner.

Your little ones might be feeling all sorts of things right now – confused, scared, angry. And that’s okay. You should have to be there to listen, to reassure them that it’s normal to feel this way. You can show them that even when life throws us a curveball, there’s always something to learn from it.

As a parent you can even teach them to see the silver lining, to find the lessons hidden in the chaos. Because when they learn to do that, they’re building up their resilience. They’re learning that they can handle whatever life throws their way.

2. Fostering Positivity

During a divorce, it’s easy to get caught up in negative emotions. But it’s essential to model positivity for your children. Teach them the value of positive thinking and how it can transform their outlook. Explain to your children that optimism is a tool for resilience; it allows us to negotiate life’s challenges by admitting difficulties while also looking for silver linings. Encourage them to be grateful and to realize the lessons and progress that can come from difficult circumstances. By doing so, you’re not only helping them to cope with the current family changes but also imparting a lifelong approach to overcoming problems with a positive outlook.

3. Promoting Self-reflection

Divorce can provide an opportunity for self-reflection. Teach your children how to introspect and learn from their experiences. Encourage them to question their actions and motivations and understand their part in different situations. This can help them grow and avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

4. Being Respectful

Respect is a foundational value in any relationship. Even after a divorce, it’s important to maintain respect for your ex-spouse, especially in front of your children. Teach your children the value of respect and how it contributes to healthy relationships.

5. Forgiving Others

Forgiveness can be a hard lesson to teach, especially during a divorce. However, it’s an important one. Teach your children the power of forgiveness and how it can free them from the burden of resentment and anger.

6. Maintaining Open Communication

Open and honest communication is important during a divorce. You should teach your kid about the importance of open and friendly communication. In Fact during the divorce you can keep your children informed about the process in an age-appropriate manner. This can help them understand the situation better and alleviate any fears or uncertainties they may have.

7. Prioritizing Well-being

Teach your children the value of maintaining their physical, mental, and emotional health. Start by fostering healthy habits early on, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep. Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy and to express their feelings openly. 

8. Leading an Earth-friendly Life

Divorce can be an opportunity to teach your children about the importance of leading an earth-friendly life. Engage them in eco-friendly activities like planting a garden, recycling, or reducing energy use. This can provide a sense of accomplishment and purpose during a challenging time.

9. Understanding Impermanence

Teach your children that nothing lasts forever, including the pain of divorce. This lesson can provide them with a sense of hope and resilience during difficult times. Remind them that with time, things will get better and the pain they feel will lessen.

10. Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool during a divorce. Teach your children how to be present and aware of their surroundings. As well as tell them to notice the world around them and to stay focused on the present moment rather than worrying about the future.

11. Discussing Life Goals

Engage your children in discussions about their life goals. This can provide them with a sense of direction and purpose during a challenging time. Encourage them to envision their future and to plan steps towards achieving their goals.

12. Helping Others

Volunteering and helping others can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose. It can also provide a distraction from the challenges of divorce. So, motivate your children to do acts of compassion and service, whether it’s helping a neighbor or volunteering at a local shelter.

Divorce is a challenging time for any family, but it can also provide an opportunity to impart valuable life lessons to your children. By modeling resilience, optimism, respect, and open communication, you can help your children navigate this difficult time and emerge stronger and wiser.