Category: Justice

How do divorcing parents handle the issue of Christmas and other holiday periods in custody disputes?  What kind of schedules do North Carolina Divorce Courts order in Child Custody Cases?  In a perfect world, every child would have the benefit of waking up to two loving parents every Christmas morning.  The sad reality is that many parents do not stay together and in those cases it is crucial to establish holiday custody schedules that allow the children to experience the joy of the holidays with each parent.  As a Raleigh Divorce Lawyerfor over fourteen years, I have seen all kinds of holiday custody schedules and before you decide what kind of schedule works for you, there are several factors you should consider.

Two Ways to View Holidays.  For school aged children, there are two ways to view holiday custody schedules.  The first is to attempt to divide the actual holiday period or day.  For example, Christmas is typically recognized as Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and sometimes the day after Christmas.  The second way to view holiday schedules is to divide the entire period the children are out of school.  Most North Carolina school systems release for Christmas several days before the actual holiday and resume after New Years Day.  The same principal is true of Thanksgiving, Easter, and some other holidays.  If you address the holiday only, you are dividing only a day or two, while addressing the holiday as a break from school and dividing that time period you will be dividing more time.  Either method is acceptable if it works for the children and the parents.

When parents fight for custody of children, both parents attempt to highlight their own parenting skills and to diminish the other’s abilities.  The cases are difficult and gut wrenching because often there are two loving, caring and fit parents, who only want the best for their children.

What happens, when after trial, the court finds that both parents are so flawed and lacking in parenting skills that neither should have sole custody of the child?

In M.R v. A.D., a Manhattan judge, after splitting physical custody of a child, opined that “neither of these parents has the skills or qualities to be [the child’s] sole custodian.   Instead, the court identified each parent’s parenting strengths to define particular “spheres in which each party with be the final decision maker.”    

The mother, characterized as warm and loving, but chaotic, unpredictable and unable to establish firm or consistent boundaries was granted decision making over summer camp, extracurricular activities, and religion. The father, described as gruff, not particularly warm or affectionate, but capable of setting firm standards for the child’s behavior, was granted decision-making over issues relating to the child’s education and health.

In reaching this Solomon-like decision, the court recognized that because of the acrimony between the parties, joint custody was not an option; the parties could not communicate effectively with each other to make joint decisions.  After assessing the parties’ individual parenting strengths and weaknesses, the court fashioned a custodial arrangement that allows each parent to make decisions on different aspects of the child’s life.

The decision, which gives each parent parallel custody, is a novel method of resolving a custody dispute.   Rather than “winner-take-all,” this win-win approach assures each parent’s continued involvement in the child’s life, with decisions being made by the parent best suited for doing so.

by  Daniel Clement (source: divorce.clementlaw.com)