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Divorce is far trickier than you could imagine. There were 7.6 new divorces per 1,000 American women in 2019. 

It’s one thing to separate from your spouse, and it’s another to negotiate child custody. A 20/80 shared custody gives both parents opportunities to be with their child. It may seem straightforward, yet the summer break can throw some obstacles in your way. 

What parenting schedule should you adopt? Can you accommodate midweek visits or summer vacations? What should you do about overnights and special events at summer camp? 

Answer these questions and you can create the perfect shared custody schedule for this summer. Here is your quick guide. 

Pre-assigned Weekends

You and your co-parent can decide on any shared custody plan you want. Take a look at a few custody and visitation schedules so you know how parenting after a divorce can work.

In general, 20/80 shared custody plans involve pre-assigned weekends. The parent with 20% custody will take over during the weekends so the child’s schedule is not disrupted. 

The alternating weekend schedule keeps the child at home with the parent with 80% custody during the week. Every other weekend, the child goes to the other parent. 

If this schedule is a little too confusing, you can assign particular weekends every month. Many parents like the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends schedule. This gives an opportunity for the parent with 20% custody to have custody for back-to-back weekends, letting them engage in projects with their child. 

Exchange times can take place whenever you want. Some parents choose to exchange custody on Friday evenings and Monday mornings during the summer. This gives the child an opportunity to spend the entire weekend with their parent. 

A 20/80 parenting plan can involve a lot of travel. To minimize the inconvenience, you can opt for a birdnesting housing arrangement.

Your child stays in one home, and you and your co-parent cycle out of it. You and your co-parent can share a home, or each of you can find your own housing. 

Midweek Visits

You can incorporate midweek visits while keeping to an alternating weekend schedule. You can do this in a few different ways. 

The parent with less custody can take control on an afternoon during the week. The other parent can attend meetings or appointments without worrying about their child. The time they spend during the week can get taken out of their weekend custody, or you can allow for a few extra hours. 

You and your co-parent can spend time together on a weekday. If you’re not comfortable being with your co-parent, you can ask a family member to watch over your child. Use this as an opportunity for your child to spend time with a grandparent or another loved one. 

Summer Camp

Most parents can accommodate summer camp into their parenting plan easily. However, there are a few circumstances that can affect your shared parenting plan.

Your child may have an overnight stay during the time when the parent with 20% custody has custody. The parent with 20% custody can take over at a different time or get extended time on a weekend. 

The camp may need chaperones for an event. The parent who has custody during the event can serve as a chaperone. If both of you are busy, a grandparent or another relative can serve as one. 

If your child is participating in an event like a concert, both of you can attend. You can sit in different sections of the venue and meet with your child afterward.

You can handle the expenses of summer camp in whatever way makes sense to you. The parent with 80% custody can pay most of the expenses, though the parent with 20% should chip in. You can split the costs of overnight stays and day trips, or the parent with custody during those trips can pay for them.

Vacations 

One of you can take your child on a vacation during their summer break. Both of you should have a conversation about the vacation just so you know where your child is. If it doesn’t interfere with your custody schedule, the conversation can be a simple one about what the vacation plans are.

If it does interfere with the schedule, you should figure out a compromise. The other parent can take the child on their own vacation, or they get extra time with their child during the week. 

The parent who is arranging the vacation should be responsible for the expenses. It is unfair for someone to pay for a vacation that they are not involved in. If you are both going on vacation together, you both can pay for it.

If money is a problem for you, you should scale your vacation down. You can bring your child to another state or do a daycation. You remain at home and do something fun that you haven’t done before, like going to an art museum.

Emergencies

You should be in constant contact with your co-parent. You can use phone calls, social media, and co-parenting apps to remain in communication with each other. 

Both of you deserve to know if your child is going through something like a medical emergency. Get in contact with your co-parent right away and figure out how both of you can offer support. If your child is in the hospital, both of you should be there to affirm your child. 

Don’t worry about your custody schedule until the emergency has passed. If your child needs additional support, both of you can see or speak to your child every day. Talk to the staffers at your child’s summer camp so they know what is going on.

Creating the Perfect 20/80 Shared Custody Summer Schedule

You have to put some work into your 20/80 shared custody schedule. You can select an alternating weekend arrangement, and you can accommodate midweek visits. 

You must talk to your co-parent about how to handle summer camp. Be flexible so you can serve as a chaperone and attend your child’s performances.

Communicate with your co-parent so you can talk about vacations and emergencies. Both of you can take your child wherever you want if it doesn’t interfere with custody.

Co-parenting is a lot easier with the latest technology. 2houses provides premium tools for co-parents. Get started today.

A lot of people wrongly assume that custody and guardianship are the same thing, or at least that they are the same in all but name. While both relate to the care of others, they are not the same. There are some key differences between custodians and guardians.

Understanding the difference is crucial, especially if you are heading into any legal proceedings. A good guardianship attorney can make all the difference and help you to win any case brought forward.

What is Custody?

Custody of a child can relate to both physical and legal custody.

Physical custody means physical control of the child for a period of time, having them stay in your house at that time, for instance. So, someone who isn’t the custodian may have rights to see someone for a certain time, and in that time they have physical custody.

Legal custody means the authority for decision-making regarding children, and things like their schooling or any medicine they are taking.

What is Guardianship

Guardianship, on the other hand, generally refers to a legal relationship in which one party (‘the guardian’) is empowered to act for the benefit of another (‘the ward’).

Guardianship is slightly different, it refers to a legal arrangement. The guardian is allowed in the eyes of the law to act for the benefit of the “ward” or young person in question. The relationship can be a good way to help to look after both children but also adults with mental disabilities. The responsibilities of guardians aren’t the same as of parents or custodians, but they do need to keep the child safe and protected, guardianship can also be temporary in some scenarios such as the parents being alive but unable to provide care.

What Decision-Making Power Do Custodians and Guardians Have

Custodians are usually more involved in the decision-making of a child or vulnerable adult, and creating a course for their life and future. Having custody of a child means having the majority of the rights that parents ordinarily have, depending on any court arrangements which may limit custody.

If you are a guardian of a child then there is every chance that you will just be making the day-to-day decisions. You might be helping a child with their homework, deciding what they eat for their lunch, and more, but you won’t be making the big decisions such as how an illness is treated.

What’s the Difference Between Physical and Legal Child Custody

Physical custody over a child is having them in your physical presence and being able to look after them for that time. For instance, separated parents may share custody, and one sees the child at the weekends while the other sees them during the week. Legal custody is more related to decision-making and being able to have a steer over the child’s life. This means choosing things like how they will be cared for, where they go to school, and more.

Who Appoints a Custodian or a Guardian

A custodian or guardian is appointed by the court, with a judge having the final say on who is appointed after looking at the evidence and often the wishes of parents if they have passed away.

If the change in custody is a shock and nobody has planned for it then the courts will be able to rule over the custody or guardianship of a child or a vulnerable adult.

Who May Receive Custody or Guardianship

A court can appoint a guardian or custodian, and only a judge has the power to make the final decision. However, that doesn’t mean people don’t have any input on their own children. Estate planning is crucial, and in your will you can outline who you would like to take custody of your children in the event of you passing away. This is why it is so crucial that you have quality legal representation.

In order to be a custodian or a guardian in the US, you must be a US citizen, of sound mind, without being convicted of any felonies. It is also crucial that you are 18 years of age or older. For instance, a 17 year old could not take custody of a relative.

Duration of Custodianship vs. Guardianship

In short, guardianship can be temporary. For instance, if the parents are still alive but not able to take care of their children at the current time. This could even be kept under review.

If a court grants permanent guardianship or custody then this will usually last until a minor is 18 years old, or there are some situations where it can end early. For instance, if they join the military or get married. Plus, if a court deems that a guardian can no longer carry out their duties and look after the individual in question, guardianship can be terminated.

Guardianship and custody is quite complex, and applies to minors as well as adults who are suffering from a mental illness or handicap in some scenarios. The court proceedings can be complicated and there are plenty of lawyers who specialize in the area and getting what is right for a child. Decisions are made by a judge, even if a parent has outlined who they would like to take care of their children.

Transitions between households after their parents separate requires an adjustment for children. With shared parenting schedules, children no longer see both parents every day. Also, they need to adapt to the new surroundings if either parent moves.

Parenting changeovers, when the children transition from one home to the other, need special care. This is a time when children often feel emotional as they switch between co-parenting homes. But co-parents can smooth these transitions with a few guidelines for parenting changeovers.

Make Transitions Between Households Easier by Letting the Children Know What’s Next

Transitions between households are easier for children when they know what to expect. Parenting changeovers are generally scheduled in advance, so there is no reason to spring the surprise on the kids.

Being aware of a parenting changeover helps a child as they adjust to their new life in two houses. Knowing what to expect lessens anxiety and provides a sense of stability.

Keep children informed of their schedules by reminding them as early in the day as possible. The way you choose to inform them generally depends on how old they are. Most people (parents included) find a large wall calendar works well. For younger children, add stickers to mark parenting changeovers. Older kids and teenagers are likely able to access an electronic copy of the family schedule on their phones. Using the 2houses shared family app helps you keep track and allows older children to check the upcoming schedule directly. The shared family calendar app eliminates the risk of making a mistake by copying the calendar somewhere else.

Be sure to let kids know before any changes, temporary or permanent. But don’t discuss plans with the kids until everything is finalized. Plans being in flux can cause anxiety and feelings of insecurity in children of all ages.

No Luggage

Packing a bag to take between houses can make children feel like they don’t really belong anywhere. Don’t have them drag luggage along as part of parenting changeovers. Do everything you can to help them feel settled in both homes. Packing a suitcase makes things feel temporary. When they have only one set of belonging that they tote back and forth, there is always a danger of forgetting something. Talk about stress! This is even more true for short overnight stays mid-week or frequent transitions between households.

The first thing your child does when they come into your home should not be to unpack as if they are staying at a hotel. Get rid of the luggage, so they don’t feel like a visitor (at either home.) Co-parents can work to create an expectation that the kids have two homes instead of not having even one. So, make sure your children have clothing, toiletries, and other daily items in both houses.

Conflict-Free Parenting Changeovers  

Nothing makes a parenting changeover more stressful for your children than conflict between their parents. It’s unlikely you and your co-parent will always agree. Still, when the children are making transitions between households, it is not time to work things out. Keep those conversations strictly private. Children are hyper-aware of parent emotions, tone, and body language, especially during parenting changeovers. Assume that if they are anywhere around, they can hear you.

Don’t Be Late

Nothing creates conflict during a parenting changeover than one parent being late. And, of course, it becomes impossible to hide your annoyance if they do it frequently. Transitions between two households are now a permanent part of your life for many years.

So, if you are running late, notify your co-parent as soon as you know. Don’t wait until you are already late and end up leaving them to wait for you for another half an hour.

In Summary

Parenting time changeovers take some time to get used to. Work hard to make your children’s transition between households as smooth as possible. Keep the kids informed of the schedule, make both households feel like home, and protect them from co-parenting conflicts. Then you can help your children confidently settle into their new schedules.

Once your children reach their teen years, many things change, including parenting plans. Whether they are new to having 2houses or their parents have lived apart for many years, kids need a new co-parenting plan when they reach their teen years. At this point in their lives, they can usually take a more active role using a shared family calendar app themselves.

Development Stages that Impact a Co-Parenting Plan for Teens

You remember being a teenager, and you see some of the same changes in your kids. As teens develop a greater sense of their personal identity, they also see their roles in different situations more clearly. This is a natural time to examine the rules and regulations of interacting in society, school, and family and friends.

There is a gradual separation from the family as they develop a stronger sense of self. As teens grow older, they can handle more of their own scheduling for social activities, work, school, extra-curriculars, and other responsibilities. Parents need to provide guidance and support designed to help teens become increasingly more independent. The co-parenting plan needs adjustment to reflect these developmental changes.

Parenting Plans and Schedules Using a Shared Family Calendar App

Creating parenting plans and schedules can seem overwhelming, especially as kids get older and if you have more than one child. Keeping everything together in one place where both parents, and your teens, have access makes scheduling more straightforward and streamlines communication.

Teens are notorious for forgetting deadlines when they are involved in other activities. This normal developmental milestone often sets the stage for conflict with and between co-parents. A shared family calendar app reduces communication breakdowns. It includes everyone in the scheduling process and sets reminders to ensure nothing is forgotten.

Making Co-Parenting Plans More Effective for Teens  

Co-parenting teenagers is a challenge every day. The process of becoming an adult tends to challenge authority, shift priorities, and create new freedoms. Consider these concepts about teenagers.

• Teenagers use their family as a foundation for support and guidance
• Teens still need parental oversight and nurturing, even if they sometimes say otherwise
• Co-parenting plans best allow both parents to be involved in your teen’s life as much as possible.
• This is a time of exploration. Teens enjoy new and different activities while developing relationships outside the family.
• Co-parenting plans for teens must remain flexible because activities often conflict with a parent’s time.
• Teens want greater independence and more control over their schedule. The co-parenting plan should consider your teenager’s preferences. A shared family calendar app gives them a quick way to make their preferences known.
• Co-parents should do everything they can to create consistent rules for curfews, dating, driving, etc.  

Often teens decide they want to live primarily in one home. Do not take this personally! The reasoning is usually because of their friends and other activities. Schedule time during the week to see both parents and make a point of attending activities to see them more.

In Summary

A teenager’s life gets busy with school, extracurriculars, work, and a blossoming social life. Parents may feel left out as the child goes through the normal developmental stages of becoming more independent. Co-parents may find it hard to spend as much time as they would like with their teens.

So, a shared family calendar app from 2houses helps organize and prioritize your teen’s activities. Streamline communications with your co-parent and include your teen in the process.

Custody exchange routines and parenting schedules can be critical to conflict-free co-parenting. And this goes beyond planning which days the kids spend the night with which parent. A family calendar includes every aspect of the children’s lives, like doctor’s and dentist appointments, school events, and holidays. A shared family calendar app can lay a foundation for communication between parents.

Every family is different, but several common parenting schedules support different family lifestyles. You can build any of these into the 2houses shared family calendar app. Let’s look at some options that may work best for your family.

• Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules
• 2-2-3 Co-Parenting Routines
• 2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines
• Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules

Biweekly Co-parenting Schedules allow your kids to spend an entire week with each parent before moving back to the other parent’s house. This is good for families where the parents live close enough that the kids can easily get to school and best for older kids. It’s ideal in situations where the kids are mobile enough to make the custody exchange themselves (by riding their bikes home to the other parent’s house, for example.) Consider a mid-week visit for dinner or virtual chat with the other parent.

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines

2-2-3 Co-parenting Routines splits the time with your kids 50/50, with each parent having the kids for a couple of days, then the kids go to be with the other parent for a couple of days. Next, the kids go to the first parent for the 3-day weekend to round out the 7-day week. Then, the routine begins again, flipping the days of the week. This allows parents and kids to spend time together on all the days of the week. So nobody misses Monday soccer practices or ballet classes every week. But it can be challenging to keep track of all the custody exchange days for both kids and parents. A shared family calendar app makes a big difference with an arrangement like this, supporting conflict-free co-parenting.

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines

2-2-5-5 and 3-3-4-4 Family Routines are also 50/50 schedules with more frequent custody exchange days. But unlike a 2-2-3 routine, parents and children spend the same days together every week. So, a 2-2-5-5 routine has the child with one parent Monday and Tuesday, the other parent Wednesday and Thursday. The child either goes back with the first parent for 5 days from Friday to Tuesday or stays with the other parent from Wednesday to Sunday to round out the week.

3-3-4-4 family routines create consistency for children because they are with the same parent on the same days of the week. So, children stay in the same house Monday through Thursday while the weekends are the only variables.

Non-50/50 Custody Exchange Rotations

Parenting time is not always divided evenly. The children live with one parent most of the time, while the other parent visits during the day with some overnights. Every other weekend, with a mid-week visit, is a very common custody exchange schedule. This is often on top of a schedule for alternating holidays.

What are the Best Co-parenting Schedules for Conflict-Free Co-parenting?

Every family is different, so the needs of the children and the lifestyles of each parent combine to create a unique situation. Also, the best co-parenting schedules for preschoolers are likely different from school-aged children and teens. Parents have jobs and other life events that have to be considered, too. 

In Summary

Chances are what co-parenting schedules work best for your family will shift over time. What’s most important is that you and your ex communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings (and conflict.) The 2houses shared family calendar app is specifically designed for you to work together to benefit the children.

Parenting was not all that conflict-free before your divorce. But now, with your emotions on the ragged edge, it can be even harder to keep it together, even for the kids. If you know someone who had one of those easy “we both signed the paper and now we’re divorced” divorces, you may have unrealistic expectations for how easy it is to co-parent with your ex. It’s hard. Sometimes it is outrageously hard.

Likely, the issues are much the same as when you were married. Well, you do divorce the same person you were married to, so of course, it’s the same. But it’s different. There’s no more sacrificing and working on your relationship. Now it is ALL about the kids. ALL. Absolutely ALL about the kids.

There’s volumes written about conflict-free co-parenting, and you should probably read them all (in all that free time you have now! Lol) But there are really just a few basics that matter the most.

1. Communications
2. Recordkeeping
3. Involvement

1.     Communications

Who are we kidding? If your communications with your ex were stellar, you’d still be married. So, this is a huge hurdle for most divorced couples. It’s critical to find a way to keep the lines of communication open about all the kids’ events to keep both of you involved. This is especially true with several children. Homework. Extracurricular activities. Playdates. Birthday parties. It is so easy to forget something and end up not communicating the details to both parents.

Check out our blog on 4 Tips for Keeping Good Communication HERE

That’s where 2houses helps. The shared family calendar app keeps track of all communications and events in one easy-to-access place. So, confirm long weekend plans, ask for signed dental insurance forms, or send soccer practice info – all through the 2houses shared family calendar app.

2.     Recordkeeping

One area that frequently crops up as a potential for conflict is recordkeeping. Many organizations have gone digital, so you may only need a few paper originals. The issue is making sure both parents always have access to all the documents. You’ll probably encounter the need for:

• School and teacher contact information
• School lunch programs
• Clothing and shoe sizes
• Medical bills
• Reimbursement requests with expense records
• Permissions slips
• Insurance information
• Vaccination records
• Gift wish lists
• Phone and address book for your child’s friends  
• And other info specific to your child and your family

The 2houses co-parenting family calendar app uses an information bank, so you can upload anything for both parents to access anytime. Organize documents by child or category as a personalized, instant online filing system. No more scrambling or negative conversations with your ex. Just check the app for all of the details you both need.

3.     Involvement

It is critical that both parents stay involved in the children’s lives. Once you live in separate households, things change. The latest tech makes it easy to say goodnight by video chat, and a shared family calendar app lets you schedule both parents into activities.

Learn more about Keeping in Touch With Your Child When They are Not Home HERE.

Creating a parenting schedule that both of you can access makes it easier for both parents to attend functions without potential conflict in a discussion. Children can also access the 2houses family calendar, controlled by the parent account. So they can contact both parents without having access to private communications between their parents.

Plus, the photo album lets the children or the other parent upload pictures, so they can still attend virtually if the other parent has to miss the event. This is perfect for birthdays, school functions, vacations and selfies the kids take!

In Conclusion

Conflict-free co-parenting takes work. And the kids are worth the effort! But keep in mind the three most critical factors, communications, recordkeeping, and involvement. Use every tool at your disposal to maintain these, and your co-parenting becomes less stressful for everyone.

Start your FREE 14-Day trial with the 2houses shared family calendar app now, and then see how it can help keep your co-parenting conflict-free.