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When it comes to parenting, we dads tend to be underestimated. People assume that a child’s mother is the primary parent and that the dad simply pitches in every so often. That perception is even stronger in joint custody families when the kids spend most of their time living with your ex.

No matter who thinks what, one fact is certain: Father’s Day is your day. It’s an opportunity to celebrate your relationship with your kids. Of course, that’s hard to do if you don’t have the kids with you for the holiday.

How does joint custody work when Father’s Day isn’t supposed to be your day? Before I delve into that topic, you need to find out whether Father’s Day is already one of your days with the kids.

How to Know if You Have Your Kids for Father’s Day

Unless specified otherwise, Father’s Day is just like any other Sunday in your parenting plan. If you’re already supposed to have the kids on that day, you’re in luck.

It’s also a good idea to check your parenting plan. Most families make special agreements for holidays, and that may include Father’s Day.

If following your parenting plan would mean your kids would be with your ex for Father’s Day, hope isn’t lost. You can work it out with your ex to celebrate Father’s Day the right way.

What to Do if You Want to Have Your Kids for Father’s Day

Let’s say Father’s Day this year doesn’t fall on a day when you’d normally have the kids. Use these tips as your next steps.

1. Open a Negotiation

If you want to change your custody schedule with your ex, it’s all a negotiation. Start early, at least a few weeks in advance, so you have time to come to an agreement. If you live in a different state and your kids will need travel arrangements, start the discussion earlier.

The best way to approach the discussion is as an even exchange. Offer to swap with your ex so you can have the kids on Father’s Day and then can have them for another day that they normally wouldn’t.

2. Use Written Communication

This is critical in any co-parenting situation, no matter how you relate to your ex. Even for minor details, always use written communication like texts or emails.

There are several reasons for this. First, it puts your agreement in writing. If your ex tries to back out later or says they don’t remember, you have it in black and white.

The second advantage is that with written communication, there is no face-to-face or vocal communication. The more removed the conversation is, the less likely you are to get into an argument.

Finally, written communication gives you a chance to think through your words before you respond. Is that swap your ex is offering really fair? If they’re trying to bait you into a fight, how can you word your response to stay calm and mature?

3. Get Your Attorney’s Input

You don’t need to lose your family law attorney’s number when your custody arrangement is signed. They should be available as an ongoing resource you can turn to when new issues arise. I can all but promise you that in co-parenting, there will be new issues that come up.

Check in with your attorney about your Father’s Day arrangement. Before texting your ex about it, send the text to your attorney to see if they think you should change the wording. They can give you other tips for handling the situation in a way that maintains your legal integrity.

4. Consider a Long-Term Father’s Day Agreement

No one wants to ask their ex for a favor every year to spend Father’s Day with their kids. Instead, consider asking your ex to amend your parenting plan so that you always have the kids for Father’s Day.

This will cut down on long-term drama and stress. A word, of caution, though: a few weeks before Father’s Day is not the time to start this process.

You can all but guarantee that the change won’t be in place before the upcoming Father’s Day. You could make your ex angry in the process, so they might deny you the ability to have this Father’s Day with the kids.

Instead, negotiate a one-time swap for the upcoming Father’s Day. Then wait until the holiday has passed before you take action toward changing the parenting plan.

Every state’s process for changing a parenting plan is unique. Speak with your family law attorney to see how to move forward. It may require a formal request for a custody modification.

5. Plan Your Special Day

Let’s assume you work things out with your ex so the kids are with you for Father’s Day. You want to make the most of the special day, especially if you aren’t sure you’ll have future Father’s Days together.

Plan something to do for the day with your kids. Take them out to an amusement park, a movie, a fun restaurant, you name it. Make it a fun day for you all to spend together.

6. Have Realistic Expectations

As important as it is to plan your Father’s Day, you can’t go overboard. Don’t assume it will be a magical, flawless day that your kids will cherish forever.

Your kids are still kids. They might be cranky or they may have a last-minute school project they need to finish. Prepare yourself to roll with the punches and make the most out of anything that comes your way.

Your realistic expectations apply to Father’s Day gifts and cards, too. Don’t assume your ex will take the high road and help the kids get a gift for you. If they don’t, realize that it isn’t a reflection of how much your kids love you.

How Does Joint Custody Work in Difficult Situations?

In most divorced couples, negotiating for the father to have the kids on Father’s Day is a no-brainer. You are the kids’ father, after all, so it only makes sense. There are some situations that are more complicated, though.

What if You’re One of Two Fathers?

Without a doubt, negotiating Father’s Day custody is more difficult if your ex is also your children’s father. You can assume that he wants to spend Father’s Day with them as much as you do.

In these cases, it’s often best to trade off. Perhaps you’ll have the kids this year, then your ex will have them next year, and it goes back and forth.

There’s also the option for both of you to celebrate Father’s Day with the kids if you’re on good terms. If you try this, lay out ground rules in advance about having a joyful, conflict-free day.

What if Your Kids Have a Stepfather?

If your ex is married or committed to a new man, he may take on a fatherly role for your kids. That’s all fine and dandy unless he’s trying to push you out in the process.

If the stepfather wants to have Father’s Day with the kids, explain calmly and clearly that this is important to you. Remind him that you’re the kids’ father so this should be a special day between you and the kids.

It may help to come up with a different day that the kids can celebrate their stepfather. Talk to him about making up your own Stepfather’s Day for the kids to celebrate with him.

What if Your Ex Won’t Agree to a Swap?

The reality is that as hard as you try, you’re at the mercy of whether your co-parent agrees to a swap for Father’s Day. If they don’t, you can still make your own Father’s Day.

Simply tell the kids you’re rescheduling Father’s Day this year for a day when they’re supposed to be with you. Show them your excitement and tell them it’ll be a special day between you.

As angry and hurt as you may be by your ex’s actions, remember to never speak about it to your kids. If you badmouth your ex, you put yourself at risk for being accused of alienating them. That will hurt you in future parenting plan negotiations.

More importantly, though, you’re hurting your kids’ precious relationship with their other parent.

If you do need to “reschedule” Father’s Day, it doesn’t mean you have to cross off that original day on the calendar. While your kids are with your ex, use it as a day to celebrate you. Take the day off from housework and do something you enjoy.

Dealing with Joint Custody on Father’s Day

Whether you’ve been separated for a year or a decade, co-parenting can be complicated. Simple questions like “how does joint custody work on Father’s Day?” aren’t always simple.

With this guide, you can make sure Father’s Day remains a special day your kids look forward to every year. They won’t mind if you have to tweak the schedule.

For more co-parenting tips, check out more 2houses blogs.

Facing a divorce can be challenging enough. Anger, rejection, fear, disappointment, and failure are all normal feelings of someone facing divorce. If you are lucky, you have mutually agreed upon divorce, there are fewer emotions to struggle with as you go through the process. 

Adding to the emotions of divorce is how to care for your children. Who will have custody? Will there be an amicable joint custody agreement possible? You worry about not seeing your kids on a daily basis and worse yet, being away from them on some holidays. 

Finding a custody arrangement that can work for both parents and especially the kids is tricky and complicated by the many emotions of a divorce. Most parents want to find a way to co-parent and do what’s best for their kids as they navigate a different way of life. 

Which type of custody will work best for you and your kids? Read on to learn about the different types of custody arrangements and how custody is decided. 

Types of Custody

Aside from dissolving a marriage when divorcing, people with children must also come up with a plan for custody of their children. There are a variety of considerations with custody and ways to set it up. Ultimately, parents should have the goal to co-parent together for the benefit of their kids.

Custody factors in many considerations. These include:

• Who makes legal decisions for the child?
• Where does the child physically live?
• Who else is legally allowed to see a child?
• How will holidays be divided for each parent?
• Are there reasons a parent should be prevented from seeing a child? 

While emotions can be hard to navigate, ultimately, what type of custody arrangement should be in the best interest of the child and be workable for the parents of the child. 

Let’s take a closer look at the types of custody arrangements. 

Legal Custody

Physical custody (more on that later) and legal custody are two different considerations when deciding on custody. Legal custody in simple terms means the parent or parents have the right to make legal and long term decisions for the child. 

While sometimes a parent might have physical custody, often parents share legal custody. Legal custody allows parents to make decisions regarding:

• A child’s education
• Medical care
• Dental care
• Religious instruction

In typical terms, legal custody is usually joint. When a parent demonstrates a reason for the courts to be concerned, they may opt to only grant legal custody to one parent.

A parent who has a drug abuse problem, is violent or is accused of domestic abuse, for example, might not be granted legal custody.

Sole Legal Custody

Remember, legal custody allows a parent or parents to make decisions on behalf of their children. In the case of sole legal custody, a singular parent would be making the legal decisions for the children.  In this case, one parent, for any number of reasons, has been excluded from being involved in the decision making. 

It should be noted that even if one parent has more physical custody time, courts want parents as much as possible to share the legal custody. This requires them to make decisions together on behalf of their kids. 

When a parent is awarded sole legal custody, that parent may not need to take into consideration the opinion or wishes of the other parent.

Joint Legal Custody

Joint legal custody is the most common type of legal custody. In this arrangement, no matter the physical custody arrangement, both parents have equal rights to make legal and long term decisions for their children. 

Often forms of joint legal custody require parents to agree or to make decisions together regarding their children. Even if the child spends more physical time with one parent over another, if there’s joint legal custody, parents would have equal say in decision making for the child. 

Physical Custody

Unlike legal custody, physical custody has to do with where the child lives physically. Who does the child spend the most time with? Which parent’s home does the child live in the most? 

Physical custody explains where the child will live. There are a whole host of ways physical custody can be arranged. Ultimately, arranging physical custody is important for the kids and helping them to maintain their life as normally as possible. 

It can also be challenging for parents to agree on physical custody as it means where the child lives and how much time one parent must be away from them.  

For some parents, they agree easily and do what will work for them and their kids. The kids moving from mom’s house to dad’s house becomes a way of life. For other parents, the child spends more time with one parent and visits with the other parent. 

Courts will look to make amicable arrangements for physical custody often with the goal to be that children get time with both parents.

Let’s take a closer look at some types of physical custody arrangements.

Sole Physical Custody

When a court awards sole physical custody to one parent, it means the child lives with that parent. It does not necessarily mean the other parent does not see or have time with the child. Sole physical custody means the child lives in one household instead of dividing their time between two homes. 

In some sole custody scenarios, the non-custodial parent will not have visitation rights. In this case, the judge has made the decision, likely for the safety of the child, that the other parent doesn’t have rights to see the child. Something pretty significant has happened to bring on this kind of decision by the courts. 

Often, however, the non-custodial parent might not have custody but instead, they have visitation. More on visitation later).  This parent might be allowed one evening a week to spend with the child. Sometimes the visitation will extend to weekends or alternating weekends too. 

Joint Physical Custody

As already explained, physical custody has to do with where the child lives. So, in a joint physical custody scenario, the child lives with both parents. However, it is arranged, the child splits their time between the two parents’ homes. 

There are a variety of ways joint physical custody can be set up. In some cases, the child spends one week with one parent and then the next week the other parent. Some families choose to arrange two weeks at a time. In other cases, a family might have set up a 2-2-3 arrangement where they alternate between the houses for those days. 

The more often the child moves back and forth between houses, the more unsettling it can be for them. Either they must get good at packing and hauling their things between houses. Or they have duplicate items at each parent’s home.  

Bird’s Nest Custody

Bird’s nest custody is an interesting approach to custody. Instead of the child moving from home to home, the child stays put in one home. The different parents rotate in and out of the home when it’s their turn for custody. 

While this is fantastic for the kids and doesn’t require them to move around, it requires some real selfless actions by the parents. Parents must be willing to create and maintain a residence that the children use. Then they also need an alternate place to go when it isn’t their turn for custody.

Visitation

Visitation is set up when there is a non-custodial parent or another adult who needs or wants time with the child but the child doesn’t live with them. 

Visitation is set up with an official schedule, so parents know when and for how long a child will be the other person. 

There are several different types of visitation. Let’s take a closer look at these. 

Unsupervised Visitation

Unsupervised visitation means the non-custodial parent has the right to spend time with the child alone. This is scheduled time and they are typically allowed to take them from their custodial home so they can spend time with them. This time could be for an evening or a weekend, for example. 

Unsupervised visitation is the most common type of visitation. Occasionally, the supervision doesn’t need to be supervised, yet there will still be some restrictions. For example, if the child is a baby and still breastfeeding from the mother. The visit might be required to happen in the home where the baby lives, so the mother who has custody can still feed the baby during the scheduled visit as needed.  

Supervised Visitation

Supervised visitation is a little more restrictive than unsupervised visitation. This means the non-custodial parent can see the child but another adult who is trusted must also be present. The supervision might be offered by a grandparent or a family friend who is believed to be trustworthy to monitor the visit. 

In some cases, the supervised visit means the child can leave the home with the non-custodial parent and the agreed-upon supervisor.

In other cases, the visit must happen at a court-appointed location. If there are reasons to question whether the parent is safe or trustworthy, sometimes supervised visitation is done in the presence of a court-appointed social worker or another court-appointed designee can monitor the visit. 

Virtual Visitation

Even before COVID-19 made virtual get-togethers something people did, virtual visitation was a part of some custody agreements. This type of visitation might happen if one of the parents is not available to get together in person. It might also happen if the parent is not allowed to visit with the child in-person. 

Obviously, virtual visitation is a little more challenging with a younger child who might not have the attention span for a screen. 

This type of visitation can be scheduled like in-person visitation is scheduled. If the non-custodial parent lives far away from the child or maybe even travels for their job, the virtual visitation is a way for them to see and still spend some time together. 

Grandparents or Third Party Visitation

There are situations where a court might grant custody to a party that is not a parent. Often in this situation, the visitation is granted to a grandparent, a step-parent, another close relative, or even a foster parent. 

States will vary on their stance to this type of visitation. Some states are quite restrictive and keep visitation to parents only.  While other states recognize there may be situations where one of these other adults is very important in the child’s life and continuing to see them is best for the child. 

This kind of visitation will be situational. A court will need to consider the child’s best interests, the motivation of those requesting visitation, and parental involvement too. 

Custody Decisions

Custody decisions can be weighty and challenging. When you add in the emotions of a divorce, for some coming to an agreement about custody can’t be done without their party involvement. 

In the end, a court would much prefer two parents to sit down and work out a custody agreement that they can both live with and abide by. It saves money for the parents to do this and helps to facilitate the beginning of years and years of the co-parenting relationship. 

Sometimes, emotions get in the way, and parents are not able to do this without some assistance. Sometimes, attorneys can negotiate on behalf of the respective parents. Other times the court needs to bring in mediators to help facilitate the custody agreement. 

If parents can’t reach an agreement, the court and judge will make the decision. Parents are much better off working together to get to this decision. Once a judge makes the decision, then they must live with it. It will almost always be in the best interest of the child for the parents to work together on an agreement. 

Legal, Physical and Joint Custody Agreement

Deciding as parents to a joint custody agreement that allows the child to have time with both parents is often what’s best for the child. Divorce can be hard on kids and finding a solution that is amicable should be the goal. It means parents have to keep the goal of co-parenting in a positive and open-minded way at the forefront of their custody conversations. 

If you need help working together for the best interest of your child, we can help. Contact us today about our communication services so you can do what’s best for your child.

From Kramer vs. Kramer to Marriage Story, you’re likely familiar with films about contested family breakups. As these movies artfully point out, everybody loses in a messy divorce with children. 

Not only does the average contested divorce cost $15,000 or more per individual, but it can also take between four months and a year. The lost time, emotional distress, and pain of this process can feel overwhelming for adults.

It can also devastate children, leaving them feeling guilty, confused, anxious, and heartbroken. A contested divorce can also prolong a child’s adjustment to the changes taking place in their life. 

Although not always possible, an uncontested divorce remains a much better solution for former spouses and their children. Keep reading for a full examination of why a peaceful split is easier for kids.

The Cost of Divorce

A divorce can be a costly event, especially if you and your former spouse can’t agree on how your separation should proceed. After all, divorce is technically a lawsuit where one spouse sues the other.

Not only will it cost you and your ex tens of thousands of dollars, but if a trial is required? You and your kids could get stuck in divorce limbo for 12 months or longer. Anxiety, fear, and worry can quickly mount.

What are some of the factors affecting the average cost of a divorce? They include:

• Whether the divorce is contested or uncontested
• Mediation
• Alimony
• Child custody
• Child evaluation
• Hourly rates for lawyers (as opposed to a retainer fee)
• Where the divorce gets filed (e.g., local filing fees)

As you can see, number one on this list remains whether the divorce is contested or uncontested.

Contested vs. Uncontested Divorce

What if you and your former spouse can come to a mutual agreement about most, if not all, things? Then, you could end up with $14,500 in savings per person.

In other words, an uncontested divorce can cost as little as $500 if you file the paperwork yourself. If you opt for a lawyer, you may never have to set foot in a courthouse. You’ll significantly shorten the amount of time it takes to receive a divorce, too.

Instead of fighting it out in court, use this saved time and money wisely. Establish a new life and provide for your children, emotionally and financially. Divorce can make kids feel as if their lives have gotten wholly uprooted.

Quickly establishing a new routine and a sense of normalcy will help them get used to these changes. It will also ensure a happier childhood with fewer long-term consequences. 

What are some more ways to establish a “new” normal? Start by creating a custody calendar for co-parenting.

Emotional Benefits of an Amicable Breakup

Divorce is never easy. Adding children to the mix only makes a tough situation harder. Research shows there are two main ways that divorce can hurt kids:

1. The painful split itself
2. The loss of resources

An uncontested divorce can help mitigate both areas of harm. How? By keeping communications between former spouses constructive and healthy and by avoiding strained resources.

You and your ex should work hard to maintain a respectful, supportive relationship that focuses on your children. When parents do this, children benefit in countless ways.

An uncontested divorce will save you and your family plenty of heartache. It will also put both you and your co-parent in better financial positions to take care of your children.

What if you can come to an amicable understanding of the division of assets? What if you can calmly discuss child custody and support? Then, an uncontested divorce may prove your best option.

It will allow everyone to move on. All parties involved will be able to place their focus and energy on new routines. They’ll also have more time, money, and emotional resources to invest in their children.

Investing in Your Children’s Future

Besides lawyer’s fees and filing fees, divorce proceedings can also come with many other expenses that are easy to overlook. For example, there will be:

• Transportation costs
• Lost time at work
• Baby-sitting costs
• And more

By avoiding these added expenses, you’ll have more money available to invest in your children’s futures. In the process, you’ll also spare your children the anger, pain, and uncertainty associated with contested divorces.

Finally, you’ll provide an excellent role model. What do I mean? For starters, your children will see first hand how two mature adults can handle a difficult situation.

Situations Where an Uncontested Divorce with Children Won’t Work

What if you and your ex can’t agree on major issues such as custody and child support? Then, a contested divorce may be in order. A few other situations may warrant a contested divorce, too.

They include relationships where domestic violence is a factor. If you are the victim of domestic violence, seek the advice of an attorney right away. Don’t attempt to negotiate with an individual who has proven that they are capable of violence.

If you fear that your ex is abusing your children, this scenario also may call for a contested divorce. Depending on the circumstances surrounding your case, your children may even need to take the witness stand.

This type of situation can prove devastating for children on multiple levels. They often are made to feel as if they’re picking sides.

What’s more, they may feel emotions like guilt, frustration, and anger. Where a child’s safety is compromised, however, these dangers must be addressed. 

Apart from extreme situations like these, parents should maintain a mature outlook. They should also attempt to work towards an amicable resolution. 

Divorcing with Children

Divorce often makes kids feel as if their whole world has been turned upside down. No matter their ages, the experience can prove traumatic. Yet, staying in an unhealthy marriage for the sake of the children can leave even deeper scars.

How can you help your children through this challenging time? Above all else, kids need to know that you’ll both stay involved in their lives. 

How an Amicable Breakup Can Help

After all, kids want to love both of their parents and enjoy the time that they have with them. An uncontested divorce can help you provide this support to your children. 

Kids also want the fighting to stop. They want to see their parents get along.

They long for their parents to communicate directly with one another and not involve them. For example, passing messages back and forth through children can lead to serious stress. 

Children also want their parents to say only kind things about one another. Otherwise, they may feel compelled to take sides. 

Here are four tips to help you and your ex communicate effectively with one another during an amicable divorce.

Things to Consider During a Divorce with Children Involved

Remember, too, that many children blame themselves when a divorce happens. They may experience feelings of guilt and worry. Fortunately, by opting for an uncontested divorce, you can dramatically reduce your children’s pain.

If your situation warrants an uncontested divorce, do it. It will minimize the tension and turmoil that court proceedings create. Maintaining a working relationship with your ex can help kids experience less anguish and stress overall. 

Few things harm children more than seeing their parents in conflict. (That’s why staying in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage can lead to more harm than good.)

During a breakup, it’s up to you and your ex to make your kids feel loved, valued, and safe. It’s also up to you both to practice good communication skills. Here are some more tips that can make the process of divorce with children go easier for everyone. 

The Value of an Uncontested Divorce with Children

When parents go through a contested divorce, it can lead to severe financial strain. There’s also the potential for extended emotional turmoil.

Court proceedings take precedent over everything else. Children often feel as if they get lost in the mix.

Through an uncontested divorce, you can make your children the top priority (instead of lawyers and judged). An amicable divorce also allows you to present a united front and show restraint by being respectful of your ex.

An uncontested divorce allows your family to adjust to a new normal. Instead of spending countless months dealing with the uncertainty and worry associated with divorce limbo.

It allows you and your ex to make critical family decisions rather than putting them in the hands of lawyers and a family court judge. Contested divorce also permits you to keep a routine, which makes kids feel safer and more secure. 

Getting a Divorce with Kids

Do you feel overwhelmed by the thought of divorce with children? Are you wondering where to start when it comes to creating a custody schedule, agreeing on child support, and more? First of all, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

Many other co-parents have already successfully navigated an amicable uncoupling. And they’ve done so to the benefit of their children.

The first step in the process? Developing a parenting plan that works for you and your ex.

How do you craft a document like this? Check out these criteria to help you get started on the road to an uncontested divorce with kids. 

If you’ve recently separated or gotten divorced from your partner, and you have kids together, then you may be discussing custody plans.

For example, there’s the 2-2-3 schedule. This is a commonly agreed-upon custody schedule, as it keeps things pretty fair. Because of this, it may be ideal for you and your ex to adopt this schedule.

However, there are other alternatives out there, which may be better suited to you and your ex-partner’s lifestyles. But how can you know if they are if you aren’t aware of what your options are?

If you’re trying to figure out a co-parenting schedule with your ex, then keep reading. We’ll discuss the 2-2-3 schedule and other alternatives you can use for better co-parenting.

To help you manage the custody plan, you can always get a custody scheduling app. They’ll usually have a 2-2-3 schedule template.

This makes it very easy to keep track of who the kids should be with and when. You’ll be able to plan and see future events. If there’s a need to rearrange the schedule, you’ll be able to do so ahead of time.

What Is a 2-2-3 Schedule?

As you may have noticed, 2-2-3 adds up to 7; this is a custody plan based on a weekly schedule. It’s also known as the “every weekend” schedule.

One parent gets the children for 2 days. Then, they swap to the next parent to the next 2 days, and then the first parent gets the kids for a long weekend. The next week, it starts with the other parent, and they end up getting the kids for the long weekend.

This makes it fair for both parents, as in the end, they get an equal amount of time with their children.

Who Is the 2-2-3 Schedule Good For?

The 2-2-3 parenting plan involves the kids moving around often. Because of this, it’s great for parents who live close to one another.

On the other hand, it’s still good for parents who live far apart. There’s a long weekend that’s built into this plan. This allows for both parents to get some quality time with their kids, without losing part of their allotted time to work.

However, the 2-2-3 schedule does come with its caveats.

For example, the kids are moving between two houses so often. So you’ll need to get very good at packing (as does your ex).

Or you’ll need to have 2 sets of everything, split between the 2 houses. That way, your children will have they want, regardless of which parent they’re with for the few days.

The 2-2-3 schedule may also be hard on your older kids, especially if they have a busy schedule with lots of extracurricular activities. For example, if they have band practice every Tuesday and Thursday, they’ll be at a different parent’s house each week, and on each day. This can prove to be difficult for them, especially if they have to travel quite a distance from a parent’s house to practice.

Alternatives to the 2-2-3 Custody Schedule

The 2-2-3 custody schedule may not be ideal for all parents. In that case, you’ll want to look into other co-parenting options to make a 50/50 custody agreement work. Here are some popular ones.

Alternating Weeks

With this schedule, each parent gets the kids for an entire week, which can provide more stability for them. Instead of switching houses every 2 or 3 days, they get to double or triple the time with each parent. This can be easier for busy parents, as it means there will be fewer handoffs.

However, this also means that each parent will have to go without seeing their children for 7 days at a time. For many, this is too long. Co-parents will work out slight variations to alternating weeks so no one is left missing their kids for too long.

For example, many parents will allow for an overnight visit to the other parent in the middle of the week. This means their ex-partners won’t miss their kids too much. Plus, they also get some temporary respite for a short period of time.

While this variation in alternating weeks can be referred to as the 4-1-2 rotating schedule, you won’t see many people refer to it as such. For the most part, people just call it alternating weeks with an overnight visit.

3-4-4-3 Schedule

If you want to keep to a 50/50 custody schedule but handoffs for 2-2-3 are too much, then consider a 3-4-4-3 schedule. Instead of 3 handoffs a week, it’ll go down to just 2. It may not seem like a huge difference, but you’ll definitely feel less stress when you cut out that one extra handoff.

In this schedule, you keep the kids for 3 days, then your ex keeps them for 4. At the end of the week, they hand off the children back to you, and this time, you get to keep them for 4 days. After those 4 days, your ex-partner gets them back, but for 3 days.

This schedule allows both you and your ex to keep the kids for longer than a 2-2-3 schedule. But it won’t be as long as the alternating week schedule. This makes it an ideal medium between these two custody plans.

2 Weeks Each

If your kids are very busy with extracurriculars, then 2-week schedules may be best for them. This is also good for children who don’t like change.

Considering there are only 2 handoffs a month, this might be less stressful for them to go through. They get to stay at a house for longer each time.

This is a very good custody plan to consider if both parents have high-pressure and busy careers. They may not have the time to dedicate to frequent handoffs.

However, they wish to have a longer period together with the kids. This can be especially true if some days go by spent mostly at the office.

Monthly

This is a pretty extreme 50/50 custody schedule, but it does happen for some parents. This may be something to consider if a parent frequently has business trips that take them away for long periods of time.

If this is the case, then it may not always be feasible to do 1 month on and 1 month off. Instead, you’ll have to see when future business trips are and then schedule co-parenting around that.

For example, let’s say your ex knows they’ll have to go to jet off to Europe in 2 months. You can already pencil in that time to be yours. Then, depending on when your ex has had the children, you can make up for their lost time after they get back.

Depending on your personal situation, the monthly 50/50 custody plan may not always be consistent. But it may just be what accommodates you, your ex, and your children the best.

Consider Nesting for Your Custody Plan

Nesting may seem like a strange concept, but it does work for exes who are on good terms. Nesting can provide a stable environment for children, especially after a separation or divorce.

What is nesting exactly? This is where you keep the main residence as the residence for the kids.

Then, each parent takes turns living with the kids in that main residence, while the other parent goes to live in another property. This can be a shared rented apartment.

In this type of custody plan, the children get a stable environment, which is what every parent hopes to provide. It’s true it may create a little more inconvenience for the adults. However, it may be worth exploring, especially for parents who have had an amicable divorce and only want what’s best for the kids.

However, do note that there may be drawbacks to nesting. The kids are in the environment where their parents were originally together in. As a result, they may get false hopes that you might get back together with your ex.

Also, some benign things you may have done in the house may be misconstrued as a malicious act by your ex. So you need good communication, transparency, and trust to make nesting work.

If you do manage to make nesting work, you can either use the 2-2-3 schedule here. Or utilize any of the alternatives we’ve provided you from above.

Work out a Viable Co-Parenting Schedule With Your Ex

Now you know all about the 2-2-3 schedule and other viable alternatives. With this, you can find a solution that works for both you and your ex.

Navigating a separation or divorce can be tough, but at least custody doesn’t have to be. By having all these options available, you and your ex-partner can sit down and figure out which one’s the best. That way, they get adequate time with each parent.

For more guidance on co-parenting, check out this helpful guide.

Amid a contentious divorce, staying separated but living together might sound ill-advised. Yet, some parents find it the best way to meet the needs of their children. Especially when they share joint custody. 

How do they make it work? By restructuring their relationship. This tactic allows both partners ample opportunity to co-parent without stepping on one another’s toes. 

Additionally, this type of arrangement requires honest communication and clear ground rules. Such a “partnership” is not about keeping up appearances. Or pretending to be together for the sake of the children.

The couples who make it work also honestly discuss their relationship status with their kids. The caveat? They wait until their kids are old enough to understand some of the intricacies of relationships. 

Common sense dictates living separately after divorce. Some people have found other solutions, though. Keep reading to learn more about circumstances where living in the same household can work. 

When Common Sense Goes Out the Window

Divorce is tough on children. Yet, studies show that parents who choose to stay together for the kids often cause more harm than good. Settling into a contentious marriage filled with anger and bitterness is terrible for everyone.

After all, children are known for their intuitive natures. They’re excellent at picking up on relationship dynamics.

What’s more, negative emotions like unhappiness and anger are contagious. They can infect an entire household, robbing children of precious aspects of their youth. 

What happens, however, when partners realize they’re not well-equipped for single parenthood? Some decide to stick it out, forging a new relationship. One based on keeping a respectful distance, taking turns parenting, and living under the same roof.

Think of them as roommates with shared interests, their children. Yes, they co-parent in the same house. One of the main reasons it works, though, is because they give each other plenty of space.

In essence, these co-parents have decided to throw common sense out the window. They haven’t done it haphazardly, however. And they wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.

Nonetheless, it can work. If both parents are willing to forge a new relationship based on transparency and respect. 

Separated But Living Together

How does co-parenting in the same home work? One former couple recommends taking turns with the parental role.

This approach frees the other one up for much-needed adult time. No questions asked. 

It might be as simple as heading to their bedroom for downtime. Or it might involve going out. While off-duty, the responsibility of parenting is off their shoulders.

How do former spouses make their relationship work without letting past hurts get in the way? By giving themselves the space and time to resolve issues related to their marriage upfront.

Conscious uncoupling allows them to pursue an unorthodox living arrangement. One ruled by logic and clarity rather than emotions.

Not sure how to move past the rage? Here are some communication tips for an amicable divorce. 

Another set of co-parents who live together spent more than a year laying the groundwork. This approach involved completely restructuring their relationship and lives. 

Throughout the process, they kept communication open and honest. Especially when it came to explaining their arrangement to their kids.

To this day, they have no qualms about explaining how their relationship differs from others their kids might see.

The Silver Lining When It Comes Living Together After Separation

Some co-parents attribute their ability to be supportive of one another to their divorce. While married, they may have done things to sabotage or belittle one another. They felt unhappy and frustrated as a result.

After restructuring their relationship, former couples let go of these harmful habits. They moved past the pettiness of their previous relationship. In essence, divorce let them start over. 

They paved the way for a relationship built on respect, civility, and shared interests. One centered on co-parenting. 

Many co-parents living together have found the process smoother than anticipated. Why? Because through it, they’ve confronted the things that made them unhappy, like remaining in an unhealthy marriage dynamic. 

Co-parenting or shared parenting has also helped some former spouses living together to present a united front. Despite their living arrangement, they still contend with children who try to take advantage of their divorce.

As kids attempt to suss out which parent is more lenient about this or that, it presents opportunities for co-parents to pull together. 

Tips for Making Co-Parenting in the Same House Work

Is there any evidence that shows living under one roof as co-parents is good for kids? To date, studies prove scarce.

Research does, however, show that children do better with two parents in their lives. Not only do they develop better, but they prove physically healthier. 

Can most separated or divorced parents make co-parenting under the same roof work? Probably not. That said, some former couples swear by it. 

What if, despite the odds, the advantages of living with your ex-spouse prove too compelling to ignore? In that case, some expert tips to help you navigate the situation may be in order.

These suggestions include:

• Defining the relationship
• Setting expectations about interactions with the children
• Deciding on responsibilities
• Defining the space
• Laying out next steps

Let’s take a closer look at each of these tips so that you can move forward constructively. 

Redefining a Joint Custody Relationship

Like the co-parents showcased above, begin by defining your relationship. There’s a continuum. From roommates who share a house and do some things together to boarders who spend little to no time together. 

Figure out where your relationship falls on this continuum. What will the associated expectations be? 

Create a set of ground rules to inform how you proceed as a family and as co-parents. That way, you’ll avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Questions to help you define the parameters of your relationship include:

• Will we share planned time together?
• Are we doing what we did before without the physical intimacy?
• Are we both free to date and pursue other relationships with friends and new partners?

Yes, some of these questions can get thorny quickly. If you don’t clearly and honestly lay out the rules now, though, somebody will get hurt. 

Setting Expectations About Interactions with the Children

You and your former partner should take time to discuss matters like how to address childcare. You should also consider what type of family time will be permitted. 

For example, will you take turns parenting the children at separate, pre-determined times? Will you otherwise maintain different households? Or, will you still engage in some level of family time, such as a Friday game night?

Do you feel like you’re splitting hairs at this point? That’s okay. Ironing out potential wrinkles now will prevent emotional distress down the road.

Deciding on Responsibilities

Like roommates, sit down with your co-parent and discuss the “new” house rules. Since you’re separated but living together with kids, you must get on the same page. 

How will you divide up the refrigerator and pantry? Who will handle the dishes? And the garbage? 

Likewise, you’ll want to sort out issues like who’s responsible for yard maintenance? How will other items, such as cars, be shared? By the same token, how will utility bills get split up?

Defining the Space

Once upon a time, living under the same roof to co-parent was known as a “poor man’s separation.” It involved unceremoniously hanging a blanket on a clothesline down the center of the room.

Fortunately, today’s accommodations are generally more spacious. Now couples can split up their living space. One may opt to live downstairs or in the basement while the other occupies the upstairs level or main floor.

No matter how you choose to define your space, make the process fair and transparent. You’ll also need to make decisions about common areas such as the kitchen, garage, washroom, and pantry. Once this work is done, respect the rules. 

Laying out Next Steps

Before committing to anything, decide how long the current situation will be in place. Is it an arrangement that’ll continue until one partner saves up enough money to move out? Or, is this something that you and your co-parent would like to do until your children are grown?

Of course, there are many shades of gray along this spectrum, too. Some uncoupled housemates look at an in-house separation as part of a larger goal. This goal might be a smoother divorce transition for children, or it might involve financial or emotional next steps. 

Whatever the case, you owe it to yourself and your co-parent to be as honest as possible about the outcome. 

Separating with Kids Involved

Are you separated but living together because of a joint custody arrangement? You and your co-parent can make it work, at least for the short-term. However, you’ll need to take steps to redefine your relationship and set expectations. 

The key to being divorced but living together? Keeping the lines of communication open.

Sometimes, you may feel as though you’re discussing minutiae, but remember this. Half an ounce of prevention is worth half a pound of cure. The same proves true when it comes to argument-free, live-in co-parenting. 

Not sure where to start when it comes to crafting a plan that supports living together after separation or divorce? Begin by creating a successful parenting plan. Here’s a full breakdown of what to include in your plan.