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Keeping a marriage alive and well has always been an ongoing challenge for couples. In the good old days, the “mother-in-law” was always blamed for interfering with the marriage. But today, social networking is the hurdle putting marriages to the test. According to Divorce-Online, a British legal service, more than a third of divorces implicate Facebook. And, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that more than 80% of the divorce attorneys in the U.S. see an increase in divorce actions involving social networking. So, with social media becoming a universal form of communication, what can you and your spouse do to protect your relationship?

Don’t Post Anything You May Regret

It’s very tempting in the heat of a marital spat to want to vent. Before the internet, you would confide in your best friend over a cup of coffee. No big deal if you said some things you regret – it was just one person after all. But social media is real time and it’s not just one person you are sharing with … it’s the world. While you may be looking for an appreciative audience to validate your grievances, friends and family don’t want to be put in the middle – and it’s likely to back fire on you.

A good example of sharing too much information is a woman who posted complaints about her spouse every day on Facebook. At first, her friends thought she was just prone to drama or she and her spouse might be going through a rough patch. But as time went on, the posts became more toxic and her friends became more uncomfortable. One by one, they started to defriend her, and ultimately the couple divorced.

Regardless of the nature of your marital problems, sharing these matters on social networks leads to feelings of betrayal and lack of trust. And, hurtful posts can reduce your chances of working out problems.

Think About the Kids

If negative postings make adults uncomfortable, just think how they affect children who may have access to their Mom or Dad’s Facebook page? It can be very embarrassing for children, force them to choose sides and foster feeling of insecurity. Kids should never be a part of your marital fights … on line or off.

Set Clear Social Media Boundaries

Just as you monitor your children’s use of social media, you and your spouse need to set rules for yourselves. Nothing should be shared with the outside world unless you’re both in agreement … even good positive moments. Not everyone wants the intimate details of their lives out on the web, or pictures posted that they feel uncomfortable with others seeing.

Be cautious and considerate about whom you befriend. How secure do either of you feel with befriending people from past relationships? Refrain from posting comments to others that could be misconstrued as suggestive or flirting. And, come to an agreement on time spent networking before it becomes an issue.

By sharing your Facebook passwords with each other, you can build trust and help keep yourselves within your agreed boundaries. Remember that openness and honesty helps build the foundation for a good marriage. And, if you cannot post something nice … don’t post anything at all!

Summer vacations can be difficult if you are newly separated. Your children may not want to go far away, especially if their other parent still lives in the same town, and you may not be able to provide the same type of vacation experience that they had when you and your co-parent went on vacation with them as a family. If you choose places that cater specifically to single or separated parents, you and your kids can still have a good time and take all of your minds off of the change in your family situation.

Before You Leave

Before choosing a destination for travel, you may need to do a couple of things in order to ensure a safe, stress-free and fun experience.

• Tell your co-parent when and where you are traveling in order to eliminate confusion and anxiety. Make sure he or she knows where you and the kids will be so that it doesn’t look like you are trying to keep the kids from him or her.
• Get a notarized letter of consent from your co-parent if you are planning on traveling abroad.
• Take pictures of your kids so that if they get lost while you are traveling you can quickly alert authorities.

Consider Single Parent Travel Packages

Expense can sometimes be a problem for single parents. More and more destinations, however, are realizing there’s a need for separated parents to take their children on vacation and are offering travel packages that are designed for them. These travel packages generally include lower prices, activities for kids and appropriate accommodations.

Places to Go

There are several places to go that might be of interest to single parents and their children:

• Small Group Tours of the United Kingdom – There are several tours that allow parents and children to spend time together while sightseeing and throughout the United Kingdom. Tours usually include sightseeing stops and hotel accommodations for two to three nights. The small group atmosphere makes it easier for both parents and their children to make friends.

• Christchurch, New Zealand – Christchurch has plenty of family-friendly attractions, such as the Orana Wildlife Park, the Botanic Gardens and even an indoor playground where parents can purchase a cappuccino to drink while watching their children climb, bounce and run. The playground also features a babysitting service for single moms and dads who want to do some sightseeing or shopping on their own.

• The Caribbean – Several beaches in the Caribbean offer single parent packages. Beach trips may include water parks, accommodations with ocean views and time in the sun and sand.

• South America – South American countries such as Guatemala offer parents and children exposure to ancient and modern cultures that are different from their own, exotic food, local events and marketplaces where children can meet local craftsmen and artisans.

 

• Cruises around the coasts of various countries – Cruise ships are often a great opportunity for a single parent holiday. Family-friendly cruises offer accommodations for parents and children, activities both can enjoy and views of various countries from the ocean. Some cruises offer the ability to take day trips to the countries being visited.

 

For more advise for single and newly-separated parents, please visit our site www.2houses.com

The most crucial component of successful co-parenting and child happiness is communication. Both parents must communicate amicably and effectively with each other. They must also facilitate positive communication between the child and parents, as well as the child and siblings.

Communication

Children often blame themselves for the end of their parents’ relationship as a way of understanding a confusing and scary change in life. It is important to communicate to your child that they are in no way responsible for what is happening. By stressing this message, you can help your child avoid developing anxiety or resentment over what they perceive to be the loss of a parent.

Getting used to having separated parents who live in different places can be confusing to the children and lead to the idea that he or she must choose between mom and dad. Use these tips to help your child deal with the feelings of “choosing” a parent:

• Let your child know that they never have to choose between mom and dad
• At the same time, let them know it’s okay to want to spend time each parent
• Make it clear that you want them to spend time with their other parent
• Have an open channel of communication so your child isn’t afraid to tell you if he or she wants to spend time with the other parent

Children are often reluctant to communicate openly during a divorce or separation because they are afraid their parents will be sad if they don’t take mom or dad’s side. Questions like “Will mom be sad if I want to spend the weekend at dad’s house?” or “Will dad be mad if mom takes me shopping for school clothes?” are common for children of divorced parents. By encouraging open communication, reassuring the child that he or she is not to blame, and stressing that neither parent will be hurt or sad by the child’s requests, you can help your child navigate this confusing time.

Organization

Along with communication, organization is essential to avoid many common issues encountered with kids of divorce. By keeping an organized handle on your child’s life, coparenting can be a rewarding partnership, rather than a source of conflict. Simple acts like calling the other parent if you are running late or have a change of plans can keep everyone happy and avoid conflict and resentment.

Organizational tools, like the 2houses website or mobile app, allow you and your co-parent to have a shared source of information pertaining to your child including a calendar, journal, photo album, finance notes, messages, and an info bank. By using this app, which lets you instantly share information synched to your phones, many of the hassles of coordinating drop offs and pick ups, finance issues, and relaying information of your child, can all be done with a few simple clicks.

By focusing on positive communication and effective organization, divorce doesn’t have to be the end of a family, but can instead facilitate a loving co-parented family bound by respect, joy and, happiness.

 

 

Your child’s success and security in life depends upon a good education. So, it is understandable as a parent, you feel responsible and protective for that part of your child’s upbringing.

But, now with a new spouse in the picture, parenting decisions become more complicated. If your spouse seems to be forcing his or her authority in an area where you would prefer to have the first and final word, it could be that they just don’t know what their appropriate role should be.

However, keep in mind, as a stepparent, he or she does have the best of intentions for your child, and these new blended family disputes can be resolved?

Communication with a Capital “C”

The best way to set a solid foundation for your new family and head off conflict is … Communication. If education is the issue that is bothering you, sit down with your spouse and have an open and honest discussion.

If you are able to listen and hear each others point of view – listen is a key word here – you may find that you actually have a lot of the same views on education. Perhaps what you are in disagreement about is who should take charge of educational issues, and who should be the ally and supporter.

Define Your Spouse’s Role

Tell your spouse that you do value his or her ideas, but you want to be in charge of your child’s education. Suggest your spouse’s role be one of guidance and support rather than decision making and authority.

Stepparents who are involved, interested and supportive can do so much more for the family dynamic than trying to take control. Power struggles create a stressful environment that is not healthy for children. In addition, the friction will interfere with your spouse’s attempts to develop a positive relationship with your child. A helpful, upbeat environment at home encourages learning.

Learning Opportunities with a Stepparent

Education is more than school, homework, or good grades. Your child’s learning can be enriched by a stepparent who is willing to spend time and share learning opportunities beyond school.
Shared learning opportunities can be as simple as reading a book or working on a home improvement project together.

If your spouse is an outdoors enthusiast, a walk in the woods, exploring and discussing the trees and vegetation is loved by most children. Giving your child lessons in the game of tennis or golf can be a bonding opportunity while learning something new at the same time. Maybe your new spouse has an interest in art or music that he can share with your child. A trip to the local science museum or zoo is always fun for children, and they learn too

These types of pastimes will encourage your new spouse to be a part of your child’s life. And, sharing time together with fun positive activities can cement the relationship between stepparent and child and create a lifetime of memories..

Divorce is a touchy subject with children and especially for parents as they themselves adjust to their situation.  Managing and discussing this traumatic situation with children will vary widely depending on the age of the child.  Reaction can be quite different for each age group and can range from sadness to anger and feelings of anxiousness.  Knowing how to reach out to these age groups will help in their adjustments and leave them feeling that they will still be cared for by both parents.

Infants and Toddlers

Even infants can feel tension between parents when they are going through a divorce and if they are not comforted they can become clingy with irritable and angry outbursts.  Infants and toddlers during this transition need structure and consistency in their daily routine.  Nap times, meals and play dates should not be disrupted and they may need additional hugs, comfort and attention.

Pre-School – Early Elementary Years

Pre-school children and those in the early elementary years of school may act out and start throwing tantrums.  The non-custodial parent may want to increase their visits and spend more time giving re-assurance and affection.  They have feels of insecurity and they need to know that they will not be abandoned.  Early elementary children may act out and devise ways to get the  parents back together.  Remember the movie Parent Trap!

Adolescents and Early Teens

This age group are more easily embarrassed and angered and they may act out in a hostile manner.  They may embellish health issues like headaches or stomach pains and if they have an existing illness like asthma, it may worsen.  It is possible they could start lying, be manipulative and even start with minor stealing.   It’s important to communicate as much as possible and keep them informed of ongoing developments in the divorce.  They like to think they are adults so share as much information with them as you can.  Keep a close eye on their activities inside and outside school and be consistent with house rules.  Family counselling may be a consideration for this age group.

Teenagers

Older teenagers have a much better understanding of divorce but they can still act out immaturely.  After all, they are teenagers!  They may hide behind a mask so try and draw them out and encourage them to talk about how they are feeling about the divorce.  Be on the lookout for signs of depression such as dropping out of school activities, not hanging out with their peers or abusing alcohol or other substances.  Don’t encourage a male teenager to be the head of the household and a female teenager should not be relegated to the caretaker of younger siblings.  They are still teenagers, not adults and they should be allowed to behave as teenagers.  Let them decide on when and how much visitation they want with the non-custodial parent.  Be flexible if they want to move their living arrangements back and forth between parents.

Conclusion

It is important for children of divorce and their parents to have relationships that are open with lots of healthy and effective communication.  There is no reason that children of divorce cannot develop into normal, healthy adults with successful and healthy lifestyles and careers.

A divorce or separation can be an emotionally trying time for all involved, but it is important to keep communication between separated parents positive. Even though talking with your ex may feel like the last thing you want to do, an open dialogue can keep everyone informed about what is going on, and keep the children from getting stuck in the middle.

Keeping the lines of communication open when it comes to raising children creates a way for both parents to be present for extracurricular activities and maintain active roles in the children’s lives. It also allows both parents to identify any issues that need to be dealt with and anticipate changes to the children’s schedules or the co-parenting plan.

When talking with your ex, two basic strategies can help you keep your personal issues out of the dialogue.

1. Focus strictly on the kids.

It can be difficult at first to figure out what is a real issue that needs to be discussed and what’s not, and it can be tempting to bring up the issues that contributed to your separation or divorce every time you have to communicate with your ex — but don’t.

When it comes to the kids, it’s important to start viewing the other parent as a co-owner of a business (the business that is raising your children). Yes, it seems cold and impersonal, but that’s the point. Keeping communication short, matter of fact, and straightforward will go a long way toward a positive experience for all of those involved. Ask yourself if you would be comfortable having that conversation during your lunch hour if your boss could overhear. If the answer is no, it’s time to reevaluate. Table the conversation for a few days if possible, or write an email and let it sit overnight before sending so that you can look at it once you’ve calmed down.

2. Communicate in writing.

The organization of divorced parents can be tough, and if at all possible, both sides should put everything in writing to avoid miscommunication. Having the kids’ schedules somewhere easily accessible makes it possible for either parent to check for conflicts or receive reminders about your child’s upcoming game without having to deal directly with the other parent. Online tools that let you keep track of shared expenses, maintain a list of important contacts like the pediatrician or cheerleading coach, and create a joint online photo album keep the focus squarely on family and the best interests of the children.

Keeping these two guidelines in mind can help separated parents’ conflicts from interfering with the children’s happiness and well-being and make the situation as positive as possible.