2houses

15 January 201828 March 2019

Divorce With Kids: How Do You Explain It to Them?

Perhaps one of the most challenging conversations you’ll have as a separating parent is with your children. Throughout their lives, you’ve made their wellbeing a priority. Coming to them with news of your breakup may be emotionally devastating. But regardless of how well you know your children, their reactions may still surprise you. Try to keep the conversation age-appropriate. Remind your children that their parents’ divorce does not mean the loss of their family.

Have the Conversation as a Family

Your children should all be part of the conversation. Try to sit down with your spouse and all of your kids at the same time to discuss the divorce. By presenting a united front with your spouse, you minimize tension and prevent feelings of resentment towards one parent or the other. You want to reassure your children the break up is not their fault and that they will remain loved. The feeling of togetherness of a group talk supports this idea that they are not losing the people closest to them.

Prepare Your Main Messages Beforehand

In the moment, you may forget to tell your children what they most need to hear. That’s why you and your spouse should jot down the key things you want to say. In part, this can be things such as, “we have tried to fix our problems, but it hasn’t worked,” “you will always be loved, now just in two houses instead of one,” “we are still a family even though we no longer live together” and “you didn’t do anything to cause this to happen.” You can introduce them to the 2houses site and explain how the family will remain connected.

Remain Aware of Your Child’s Concerns

The age of your children determines how they see the world. As a result, what worries them most will depend on their stage of development. A preschooler is still largely dependent on her parents and may need reassurance they will still be fed, cared for and played with. As kids get a bit older, they are more aware of their feelings. They may have important social connections outside the family, so they may be concerned about moving or going to a new school.

Listen Actively to Their Questions

The conversation should leave ample time for questions. You may have to encourage your children, whatever their age, to ask whatever is on their minds. These questions may provide greater insight into your children’s world and may bring up issues you have not yet resolved. Your children may ask anything from what caused the breakup to whether the siblings will still live together and where the pets will reside. Be honest, but don’t overwhelm children with too much information. Always circle back to key issues of support, comfort and reassurance regardless of the challenging questions.

Keep the Conversation Going

After you’ve told your children that you are going to divorce, there will be a transition period of many months. Depending on the circumstances, you and your spouse may continue to live together for a period of time or one spouse may move out immediately. It may be a while before co parenting schedules are finalized, placing additional uncertainty and stress on the children. Using 2houses, the family can start to work out the details of new schedules and find out what works for everyone.

Because these changes directly impact your children’s day-to-day lives, it’s essential to do what you can to maintain their stability. Make them feel safe and reassure them you are always available to talk about what’s going on. Together, you can ease into your new lives while helping your children maintain their emotional health. In an ideal world, all they need to worry about is growing up.

13 November 201714 April 2020

Mutual Consent Divorce for an Unfazed Break-up

It is never easy to bring a relationship to an end. In particular, if you share children with your spouse, you want to make it as easy as possible on them and on you. You have the option of filing for no-fault divorce or, in some states, Mutual Consent Divorce. In layperson’s terms, mutual consent divorce just means you’ve decided as a couple to end the marriage and you want to do so with the minimum of conflict.

Agreeing to End the Marriage

In states such as Pennsylvania, it’s possible for one spouse to file for divorce and the other spouse to agree with the filing. This is called a mutual consent no-fault divorce. Most states have the option for a “no fault,” divorce, where you can file based on “irreconcilable differences” and do not have to state that your spouse has done something specifically wrong. With a no-fault divorce, however, your spouse can generally still contest the filing.

Benefits of Mutual Consent Divorce

If you and your spouse can agree to end the marriage mutually, you benefit from looking at your finances and shared child care responsibilities with a clear head. Many states have resources that can help you and your spouse understand the details of asset division and developing a parenting plan for your children going forward.

Fundamentally, what you gain through a mutual consent divorce is the ability to maintain a civil relationship with your child’s other parent, who will remain a part of your child’s life and may share custody.

Co-Parenting into the Future

If you avoid a messy divorce and stay on good terms with your former spouse, co-parenting is much easier. You are able to support your children in their relationships with their other parent while keeping your own emotions in check. Tools like the shared calendar function on 2houses can help make your long-term parenting plans more efficient and facilitate open communication between families.

Especially if you have young children, your time as an active co-parent may span several years. Starting off on a positive note can help make those years as easy as possible on you and on your children.

Where to Go for Help

Mutual consent divorce may help co-parents keep the peace, but it’s not right for everyone. If you are thinking about ending your marriage and want to know about your options, speak with a divorce attorney in your area. During this emotionally difficult time, you may have more options than you think.

4 February 201616 April 2019

Married life on social network

Keeping a marriage alive and well has always been an ongoing challenge for couples. In the good old days, the “mother-in-law” was always blamed for interfering with the marriage. But today, social networking is the hurdle putting marriages to the test. According to Divorce-Online, a British legal service, more than a third of divorces implicate Facebook. And, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that more than 80% of the divorce attorneys in the U.S. see an increase in divorce actions involving social networking. So, with social media becoming a universal form of communication, what can you and your spouse do to protect your relationship?

Don’t Post Anything You May Regret

It’s very tempting in the heat of a marital spat to want to vent. Before the internet, you would confide in your best friend over a cup of coffee. No big deal if you said some things you regret – it was just one person after all. But social media is real time and it’s not just one person you are sharing with … it’s the world. While you may be looking for an appreciative audience to validate your grievances, friends and family don’t want to be put in the middle – and it’s likely to back fire on you.

A good example of sharing too much information is a woman who posted complaints about her spouse every day on Facebook. At first, her friends thought she was just prone to drama or she and her spouse might be going through a rough patch. But as time went on, the posts became more toxic and her friends became more uncomfortable. One by one, they started to defriend her, and ultimately the couple divorced.

Regardless of the nature of your marital problems, sharing these matters on social networks leads to feelings of betrayal and lack of trust. And, hurtful posts can reduce your chances of working out problems.

Think About the Kids

If negative postings make adults uncomfortable, just think how they affect children who may have access to their Mom or Dad’s Facebook page? It can be very embarrassing for children, force them to choose sides and foster feeling of insecurity. Kids should never be a part of your marital fights … on line or off.

Set Clear Social Media Boundaries

Just as you monitor your children’s use of social media, you and your spouse need to set rules for yourselves. Nothing should be shared with the outside world unless you’re both in agreement … even good positive moments. Not everyone wants the intimate details of their lives out on the web, or pictures posted that they feel uncomfortable with others seeing.

Be cautious and considerate about whom you befriend. How secure do either of you feel with befriending people from past relationships? Refrain from posting comments to others that could be misconstrued as suggestive or flirting. And, come to an agreement on time spent networking before it becomes an issue.

By sharing your Facebook passwords with each other, you can build trust and help keep yourselves within your agreed boundaries. Remember that openness and honesty helps build the foundation for a good marriage. And, if you cannot post something nice … don’t post anything at all!

13 May 201416 April 2019

I’m afraid to make mom or dad sad if…

The most crucial component of successful co-parenting and child happiness is communication. Both parents must communicate amicably and effectively with each other. They must also facilitate positive communication between the child and parents, as well as the child and siblings.

Communication

Children often blame themselves for the end of their parents’ relationship as a way of understanding a confusing and scary change in life. It is important to communicate to your child that they are in no way responsible for what is happening. By stressing this message, you can help your child avoid developing anxiety or resentment over what they perceive to be the loss of a parent.

Getting used to having separated parents who live in different places can be confusing to the children and lead to the idea that he or she must choose between mom and dad. Use these tips to help your child deal with the feelings of “choosing” a parent:

Let your child know that they never have to choose between mom and dad
At the same time, let them know it’s okay to want to spend time each parent
Make it clear that you want them to spend time with their other parent
Have an open channel of communication so your child isn’t afraid to tell you if he or she wants to spend time with the other parent

Children are often reluctant to communicate openly during a divorce or separation because they are afraid their parents will be sad if they don’t take mom or dad’s side. Questions like “Will mom be sad if I want to spend the weekend at dad’s house?” or “Will dad be mad if mom takes me shopping for school clothes?” are common for children of divorced parents. By encouraging open communication, reassuring the child that he or she is not to blame, and stressing that neither parent will be hurt or sad by the child’s requests, you can help your child navigate this confusing time.

Organization

Along with communication, organization is essential to avoid many common issues encountered with kids of divorce. By keeping an organized handle on your child’s life, coparenting can be a rewarding partnership, rather than a source of conflict. Simple acts like calling the other parent if you are running late or have a change of plans can keep everyone happy and avoid conflict and resentment.

Organizational tools, like the 2houses website or mobile app, allow you and your co-parent to have a shared source of information pertaining to your child including a calendar, journal, photo album, finance notes, messages, and an info bank. By using this app, which lets you instantly share information synched to your phones, many of the hassles of coordinating drop offs and pick ups, finance issues, and relaying information of your child, can all be done with a few simple clicks.

By focusing on positive communication and effective organization, divorce doesn’t have to be the end of a family, but can instead facilitate a loving co-parented family bound by respect, joy and, happiness.

8 February 201416 April 2019

Get your wallet ready for the divorce

If you believe divorce is in the foreseeable future, it’s a smart move to starting planning your finances and budget before divorce proceedings begin. Transitioning to a life after divorce will be much easier and with less of an upheaval when you are financially prepared. Meet with your planners, use online resources and create a divorce team so you can expertly navigate the details of a divorce. This post will discuss some suggestions to help get you started and ensure a smoother journey on this difficult path.

Meet with a Financial Advisor and Estate Planner

Make a plan to meet with a financial advisor to review bank accounts, life insurance policies, retirement funds and other important financial papers. If these accounts are in your name, your advisor will ensure the right beneficiaries are listed and the funds invested in are appropriate for your situation. An Estate Planner can help you draw up a new Will, advise on obtaining new insurance quotes and advise on your tax situation. Deductibles and other taxation issues will arise, especially if children are involved.

Open your own financial accounts

If you don’t already have your own personal bank accounts or credit cards, open them now and start using them. It can be difficult to obtain credit after your divorce, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom or have put your career on hold. While still married, you can use your shared household income when applying for credit.

Review your credit report

Obtain your credit report and review it for anything that may have tarnished your credit history. If mistakes are present in the report, take steps to correct them now. Pay down any debts you have to improve your credit rating.

Become familiar with online resources

You can find online tools and mobile apps to manage expenses for both households after the divorce. These are great tools to capture expenses and income to keep the accounts balanced and are especially important when children are involved. If your divorce settlement will include monthly support payments, a feature in this online resource will send out friendly reminders that payment has not yet been received which can help to avoid conflicts in your post-divorce relationship with your spouse.

Conclusion

With a looming divorce you will experience many emotions from sadness to worry to peace of mind. Having familiarity with your current finances, especially if your spouse handled the money will bring you confidence and security about your future. Keep your team and resources close at hand so you too can look forward to a single, joyous and independent life.

22 November 201316 April 2019

Ratings for video games: Protecting our children

With Christmas looming fast, this week we’re going to take a look at violence in video games. To protect our children, the European Union has established a set of regulations: PEGI. Let’s see…

Firstly, before offering a video game to a child, make sure that he/she will not be upset by the content. At home, a console is used by various members of the family of different ages, it is important that everyone can enjoy it. So the European Union decided to create labels called PEGI (Pan European Game Information). This takes into account the recommended age to play a video game, but also unsuitable content that the game may include.

At what age can you play a video game?

	A rating suitable for anyone to play, without violence (with the exception of cartoons), nudity or bad language.
	The difference between this and the previous rating is minimal. We have noticed that certain scenes or sounds in these games could potentially frighten children.
	This is at an age where children feel more grown-up, and this is clearly seen in the rating. In these games there will be violence in graphic form as well as bad language, although insults of a sexual nature are not permitted.
	Teenagers are now grown up, in this rating there will be violence or sexual contact, as well as bad language, use of tobacco, drugs or criminal activities.
	This rating has been created only to draw attention to violence and to depict a certain level of gross violence.

What other information can be found on video games?

	A game with this label will contain bad language.
	Discrimination is also present in video games. To fight against this, PEGI regulations specify when this is present in a game.
	We all want to protect our children. If this label appears on one of their video games, it could scare him.
	The scourge of drugs can found in this video game. To be avoided if you want to protect your child from all addictions that are dangerous for their health.
	Gambling is present in games with this label. Your child may even learn the rules.
	Video games with this label will depict nudity and/or sexual behaviour or sexual references.
	Violence, although explained according to age classification, will be present in this game.
	Game can be played online, with other players in order to compete against each other.

As you know, the video game world is open to all ages, for young children it provides a fun way of learning, while for older children it can provide a way to relax and unwind. The PEGI regulations provided by the European Union will give you good advice to please young and old. So, do you now feel better informed to buy a video game for your children in time for Christmas?

31 October 201316 April 2019

The security blanket, first companion of your child!

Teddy bear, doll, end of colored tissue, old tee-shirt of mom or dad or a sheet, a cover blanket, only one or several security blankets, with sometimes improbable odors because they were handled and sucked, here is the universe of the security blankets of our children!

Whatever its shape, the security blanket is the best friend of our children. It gets a psychological comfort and has a particular emotional value.

True companion of the child, the security blanket is symbolic, reassuring and therapeutic.

The children are very attached and carry it during nap, unhappiness, anxiety or tiredness. The security blanket is present everywhere!

The choice of the security blanket

It is the child who chooses the security blanket, and it will become irreplaceable, because it is made by memories…He will also choose the elements and characteristics, which will enable him to be reassured: colors, textures, forms and odors…

What symbolizes the security blanket?

Very small, the child needs to feel safe and will stick to an object or a security blanket around 8 months, age which coincides with what is more commonly called as “the separation anxiety of the 8th month”.

Key stage in the development of the child, this one understands that an object not seen is not any more one disappeared object… and accepts that the person who left him or her, dad or mom, always exist but are not there…

Moments of fear and of anxiety appear, the child feeling the need to comfort himself with an object which reassures, makes safe, and which helps to make the transition between the presence of their “parents present” and “parents absent”: mom, dad, or all people who are present in the closed environment to the child in a daily way.

The security blanket is also used to help the child to cope with situations such as the arrival at the nursery, the first steps at school, the holiday departure, a day or a weekend with the grandparents, or the separation or the divorce of their parents.

Until which age the child needs a security blanket?

Most of the time, it is the child himself who will decide to part from its security blanket.

Thus no prerequisite age! When the security blanket is not essential any more, becoming then a trophy, put in the bedroom of the children and will always guard a place of choice in their hearts. The need to have a security blanket becomes blurred towards the age of 6-7 years old.

And you? What does look like the security blanket of your child??

When your child decided to part from his/her security blanket?

Tell us and leave us your comments here.

29 October 201316 April 2019

5 tricks to make a success of your evening of Halloween!

You want to spend a terrifying evening with your families and close relationships?

Halloween is coming! On Thursday, October 31st, 2013, it will be the opportunity to celebrate Halloween!

In your diaries and do not forget to register this event in your calendar!

Small reminder on the origin of Halloween …

Halloween is celebrated at the night of October 31st. From Celtic tradition, celebrated in most of countries of the world, it is of Christian origin and is a event allowing to close the past year and to celebrate the passage of the new year which begins.

The word “Halloween” comes from the contraction of “All Hallow Even”, meaning the evening of all the saints, which corresponds on the eve of the Western Christian feast, the All Saint’s day.

This party is also the opportunity of having fun, by frightening, with enjoyment and good mood, but it is also a sharing and conviviality moment for parents and children, by disguising as wizards, witches, ghosts, zombies, vampires or other malefic creatures …

Other enjoyments of Halloween’s party: decorating the house and preparing the famous pumpkins of Halloween, and do not forget to make reserves of candies for the children!

Here are in some stages, the keys of success to celebrate this magic night!

Organize a disguised evening under the theme of Halloween and invite your close relationships and families
Define the theme of your Halloween party ! It will be the occasion to organize an unique party and will help you on the choice of decorations and food!
Liven up your party, by organizing a competition of the best fancy disguises of Halloween, by proceeding to a vote during the evening party!
Decorate your party and be creative! with a disturbing and black atmosphere, with plastic spiders, deaths’ heads, phosphorescent cobwebs, phials, sculptures of pumpkins, or more magic atmosphere with fairy lights and pumpkin lanterns that you will have dug with your children, to place candles. Share the pictures of your children’s disguises in your journal
Propose an original menu with Halloween’s colours, with magic and terrifying dishes and drinks, delicious pumpkin juices, or transparent and smoking drinks in the atmosphere of Frankenstein, soups of toads and spinaches, red and black dishes, covered by “blood”, and cakes in the shape of pumpkins

13 October 201316 April 2019

Shyness: a curse or a wonderful talent?

Shyness is not a definition but rather a description, behind which as many stories hides… Shyness is a belief, which feeds itself as a snake, eating its tail. When we do not believe in shyness any more, it ends up disappearing.

It is neither a character trait, nor a sign of personality and even less a fate. Between stimulating stress and paralyzing anxiety, the pallet of timidity is very varied.

In certain cases, it can become a true social handicap, a brake with the life, because the shy person is entitled neither right to speak nor right to watch.

Shyness can be a social timidity and then relates to timidity in the social interactions affecting the social instinct, but it can be of loving origin, and refers specifically to the difficulties encountered with the opposite sex, in seduction relationships.

In case of a tragic event, such as the loss of an employment, the loss of a expensive being, a separation or a divorce, we lose a part of ourselves, with the feeling of loss of self-confidence, return on oneself, anguish and timidity.

The shy person organizes its life in order to avoid criticisms and remarks, sometimes destroying: restaurants, coffee bars, stores are prohibited, any public space is not authorized to him and timidity is right of him. All its good intentions one thousand times reformulated could nothing make and the shy person is traumatized.

Thousand tricks and tips can be implemented to flat the bars of this invisible prison…

Be not shamed of your shyness. Assume it! The less you think of it, the more you have chances to remove it!
Be not afraid of the judgment of others. You have to accept the critics in order to progress.
Speaking about your shyness to your friends, by explaining them what you are feeling. It will allow you to feel less alone.
Practising a sport, participating to a cultural activity. It will allow you to overcome your shyness by integrating you into a group.
Following theatre courses, or public speeches groups courses
Assert yourselves in daring to say no and create the contact if possible
Be positive. Feel reassured and say to yourselves that you cost not less than the others, than you are able to be a positive person!
Do not hesitate to contact a therapist who can allow you to become emancipated
Participating to workshops or public speaking groups dedicated to the topic of shyness

http://centremergences.be

13 October 201315 April 2019

Dating after a divorce?

Living a divorce is hard to everyone concerned by the situation, and looking for love after a separation or a divorce is sometimes a little bit tricky especially after spending many years with someone…

Divorce changes everything in your life!

You begin to doubt yourself in everything you do, which could lead you to depression and anxiety.

Divorcing can sometimes destroy your ability to trust again and depriving you of the opportunity to find that special someone.

This is the most fundamental problem that most divorced people undergo, and to learn how to get over the whole ordeal in order for you to live the life you truly deserve.

And now, a new life begins…

You are divorced, the papers are signed and you are quit with the lawyers’ payments and now your husband or your wife is your ex.

But you can ask yourself about how long do you want to stay single? Should you date with someone because your ex is? Do you want to remain single for the benefit of your kids?

Where do you find a new partner?

You are entering in a new phase of your life, it is a new beginning and it is also the opportunity to go out and create new relationships.

In order to find this new and great relationship with a woman or with a man, you must to “reenter” into the world of dating.

But before beginning to date, you need to accept that you are not married anymore.

In order to come back in the « world of dating », some advices can help you to make a successful date!

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