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Whether it’s been weeks or years since your divorce, it’s natural to reflect on mistakes made along the way. However, the real question is: How can we rectify these divorce mistakes, especially when they affect our children’s well-being? In this guide, we’ll explore actionable steps to mend past missteps and foster a healthier post-divorce environment for our children.

Acknowledge and Apologize for Past Actions:

One of the first steps towards making things right is acknowledging and taking responsibility for past actions. Whether it was losing your temper in front of the children or speaking negatively about your ex-spouse, owning up to these behaviors is crucial. Sit down with your children and have an honest conversation. Apologize for any pain your actions may have caused and express your genuine desire to make positive changes moving forward.

Rebuilding Trust and Cooperation:

Effective co-parenting is essential for the well-being of children after divorce. This means setting aside personal grievances and prioritizing the needs of the children. This means forgetting about any bad feelings between you and focusing on what’s best for the kids. Try talking to your ex about how you both can communicate better and work as a team. It might be difficult to let go of any hard feelings, but it’s worth it for the kids. You can talk to your kids, express your regret if you need to, and let them know you’re gonna do your best to make things better.

Handle Anger Even When It’s Difficult

Change happens, especially after a divorce. Your ex might act differently afterward, and that’s okay. They might not want to be friendly co-parents, and that’s okay too. But when kids are involved, their well-being comes first. Try not to get angry, even if your ex is rude or angry.Sometimes after a divorce, there might be some legal stuff to figure out. It’s always best to try and work things out nicely with your ex, for your kids’ sake. It’s never too late to find common ground and create a healthy co-parenting environment. If discussions become heated, find a neutral space to talk when your kids aren’t around.

When you can control your anger and be kind to your ex, even if they aren’t reciprocating. That sets a positive example for your children. It teaches them valuable conflict resolution skills and the importance of kindness, even in challenging situations.

Modeling Responsible Behavior:

You’re your kid’s biggest role model, no matter what. By demonstrating responsible and effective behavior, even in challenging circumstances, you teach your kids important things. This helps them learn how to deal with their feelings and be good friends and adults later on. Don’t fight or bad mouth your ex in front of your kids. Try to be peaceful. You could even invite your ex to see the kids at holidays or school events, like letting them see their other grandma and grandpa. This shows your kids it’s cool to spend time with both sides of the family.

In conclusion, divorce can be difficult for children because it disrupts their sense of security and stability.When considering divorce, remember the impact on your children and strive to create the healthiest environment possible for them, even if that means seeking professional guidance or prioritizing co-parenting strategies.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love!

Divorce does not have to be damaging to children. Here are the ten most important things parents can do to help their kids navigate the stormy seas of divorcing parents.

1. Improve communication with your kids:

Communication is a vital lifeline in any relationship, and especially so with your children after a divorce.  When you communicate well, it helps them feel safe and understood. Forget about forcing conversations. Look for chances to chat naturally. Watch a movie and chat about the characters or what happened. Also you can talk with your kid in the car, at dinner, or even while walking around a pretty park.

Remember, it’s not cool to talk about divorce stuff, like fights or who gets to keep what, when your kids are around. And don’t say mean stuff about the other parent, their family, or friends in front of your kids. Pay attention to how you act and look, too, because kids notice when you’re not being nice about the other parent. This is important because it can lead to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), which is not good for your child.

2. Listen Your kids

It’s hard for all parents to truly listen to their kids sometimes. This can be especially true if you’re tired, busy, or having a bad day. Sometimes kids might have trouble explaining how they feel too. But listening to your kids is important for being a good parent. When you really listen, you’ll understand them better and know how to help.

If your child tells you something they want to keep secret, keep it a secret! Unless it’s something that could hurt them or someone else, then you might need to tell someone to keep them safe.

3. Educate Yourself and Gather necessary Post divorce Parenting Skill

Learning and mastering key parenting skills is important for every parent. If you understand how your kid feels and give them the right kind of support and rules, it can really help them deal with all the changes happening in your family. A co-parenting course or the 2houses parenting apps can help you figure out how to split parenting responsibilities, communicate effectively, and work collaboratively with your ex after divorce. As a result, you will learn about practical techniques for dealing with these issues and minimizing conflicts.

4. Keep friendly Communication with your EX spouse:

Talking to your ex spouse might feel like climbing Mount Everest sometimes. But it’s important for your kid’s sake. As well as it’s very essential to the successful co-parenting. Before you hit send or pick up the phone, think about how it’ll impact your child. Keep your cool and act with respect while you communicate with your ex, even if it’s tough.

Remember, you don’t always have to meet face-to-face. Phone calls, texts, or emails can do the trick for most stuff. The main thing is to keep things drama-free. Just figure out what works best for you both.

5. Resolve co-parenting disagreements with your Ex spouse

When you and your ex don’t see eye to eye on co-parenting stuff, remember to put your kids first and talk nice. Instead of blaming each other, try saying “sorry” when things go wrong. You can try to find ways to solve disagreements so everyone calms down. Listen to your ex’s ideas and stay calm during arguments. Figure out what makes you fight and fix it together. Talking friendly and openly with your ex makes things easier and builds trust. By talking well and understanding each other’s feelings, you can work through disagreements and create a good environment for your kids.

6. Co-parent as a team with your ex

Even if you and your ex don’t get along, you still gotta raise your kids together. Working together and talking nicely, without yelling or fighting, makes things much easier on everyone. If you both try to be on the same page and be a team, figuring out how to raise your kids becomes way simpler. The goal is to work together and create a perfect co-parenting plan.

7. Maintain Routine during co-parenting

Maintaining a routine strictly during co-parenting is very important for your kid’s mental and physical health. like when they go to bed, do their homework, how much they can use screens, when they need to be home, and stuff like that. Kids do best when they know what to expect, so it’s really important for both of you to keep things consistent after a divorce. If they don’t know what’s coming, it can make them really worried and upset, which might make them act out or not do well in school. Try to put aside any hard feelings you have, so you can stick to a regular routine in both homes and help your kids deal with the changes from the divorce.

8. Make transitions and visitation easier

Moving between households can be tough when parents share custody – everyone finds it tricky. Kids especially might need some extra time to get used to being in a new place. If your child seems like they want to be alone for a little while, that’s okay! Another thing that can happen is kids not wanting to go to the other parent’s house sometimes. This is normal too. The most important thing is to try and work things out calmly.

9. Control Anger and emotions

While anger is a natural emotion, when faced with a challenging situation, it can also create the most destructive consequences. Not surprisingly it can easily sabotage your co-parenting relationship for you and your children. For your kids’ sake, try to calm down even when you’re upset. This will make things easier on everyone, including your ex, your family, and most importantly, your children.

10. Take care of yourself first!

Happy and healthy parents raise happy and healthy kids. So, make sure you’re feeling good too! If you’re sad, mad, worried, or stressed about the divorce, it’s okay to ask for help. Also you can talk to a parenting coach – they can help you sort through your feelings. 

When you’re feeling strong, your kids will feel strong too. If you’re really upset, it might make them worry about you instead of focusing on school, friends, and fun stuff.

If you missed our booth at the The Divorce Expo in Novi  (Michigan, USA) here is the article and the interview recorded during the expo by the Divorce Source Radio:

“This program features a unique online organizational product designed to help keep divorced couples organized. 2Houses.com helps Communications between separated or divorced parents.This online system helps you to manage your parenting schedule, keep track of shared expenses,exchange school, after-school activities, medical, and other types of information. This program features 2Houses founder, Gill Ruidant who traveled from Belgium to attend the show.  For more information, visit: www.2Houses.com.”

 

Listen to the interview

If you live with one parent, you know that a lot of other kids do, too. More than 20 million kids in the United States live with one parent. Separation and divorce are the most common reasons for this. In other cases, the mom and dad may never have lived together, or one of them may have died.

Living with one parent instead of two can bring out a lot of emotions. These feelings can be pretty strong, and they can be confusing, too. You might feel terribly sad and angry because your parents divorced.

You also might feel happy that your parents split up and aren’t fighting anymore, but you may also feel upset when your mom introduces you to a man that she is dating. You might love the uncle or grandma who takes care of you, but sometimes you might wish you could have one family with both a mom and a dad.

Emotions all by themselves aren’t either good or bad. They’re just feelings. Because living with one parent can sometimes be stressful, it can help to talk about it. You can talk with your parent, a relative, school counselor, or another trusted adult. Talking with other kids who live with single parents can be a great idea, too.

Single Parents and Work

Single parents are often working parents because someone needs to earn money to pay for food, clothing, and a place to live. Having a job means your mom or dad is able to provide these things and more for you. People work for other reasons, too. A job can let a person use his or her special talents and skills. A job can be important because it helps people in the community. Or a job can simply be exciting or interesting.

But even though you might understand why your mom or dad has to work, sometimes it can be hard to accept. “Not now, I have to work” isn’t what you want to hear when you’d like to do something fun. This can be especially true during the summer or school vacations. You’re home, they’re gone, and the days can seem really long.

Many kids simply take care of themselves for all or part of the time that a parent is at work. This can be all right, but only if you’re prepared to handle the responsibility. You need to know what to do in case of an emergency, as well as how to use your time wisely. And if you’re by yourself, you should know how to handle loneliness, too.

Other choices include going to an after-school program or staying with a neighbor or relative. During the summer, many schools and towns offer summer programs and camps.

Time Troubles

It can be tough when you don’t have enough time with your dad or mom. When you live with one parent, that person really has to do the work of two people. Besides a job, your mom or dad is responsible for caring for the kids, the house, the yard, the car, the pets — everything that grown-ups do! And besides all that, your dad or mom would like to be able to spend more time just hanging out with you, too. So what can you do?

One of the best ways is to hold a family meeting. Talk about everyone’s schedule for work, school, and activities. You can also talk about what jobs around the house need to be done every day, which ones can be done less often, and who could do each job.

When you take a look at chores and other time demands, you can try to work some family time into the schedule. Maybe you can eat more meals together. You might want to help your parent cook dinner sometimes. That can be both fun and helpful to your parent. Maybe you also can schedule a weekly game or movie night.

Time may be tight, but kids in single-parent families can make a difference by helping out around the house. They also can make another important contribution: reminding their moms or dads to have a little fun!

Reviewed by: Collen Sherman

The followings videos introduce parts of the book “Co-Parenting works!” which explains you how to deal with co-parenting.

About the author: Tammy Daughtry, author, speaker, advocate, is the founder of Co-Parenting International. She holds a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and has over ten years experience in real-life co-parenting.

The Introduction

Co-Parenting Works!What is the book Co-Parenting Works! about? Is it right for you? What will the stories be like and what will you learn? This videos answers those questions and begins your journey of hope in co-parenting.

Part 1 Introduction: Becoming A Stable And Effective Co-Parent

Co-Parenting Works!Explore the beginning of the journey, the first year after divorce and during separation. No matter where you are in your co-parenting journey, you can get stable and you can move forward…your kids need you to. Watch this video to get an idea of what’s behind this section in the book.

Part 2 Introduction: It’s Not About You, It’s About The Kids

Co-Parenting Works!Did you know there are six risk factors with divorce? Co-Parenting Works!helps you work against the statistics and change the predictable outcomes. Part 2 of the book expresses the heart of CoParenting International. Watch this video to get a snippet of what to expect.

Part 3 Introduction: Creating A Co-Parenting Team

Co-Parenting Works!We are going to challenge you in this part of the book to become a team with your ex for the sake of your children. The two of you must come together as a team for your children like an executive team does for a company. In this video meet Tammy’s now Husband, Jay Daughtry, and hear his perspective on what it’s like to see a healthy co-parenting relationship work.

Part 4 Introduction: If It Can Go Wrong…

Co-Parenting Works!Hear from Tammy’s now husband, Jay Daughtry, introducing the topics discussed in Part 4 of Co-Parenting Works! Things like handling the tougher aspects of working with an ex and extended families. Often these are the first things that come to mind when dealing with the other co-parent. This section will help the two of you get onto the same page and not have to worry about what your children hear on the side.

Part 5 Introduction: When Co-Parenting Is Impossible

Co-Parenting Works!Jay Daughtry, Tammy’s husband, introduces Part 5 of the book on how to parent your child when the other parent is no longer part of your child’s life. Learn how to talk about the absent parent, how to surround yourself with a supportive community, and how to determine when an ex is unsafe for you and your children.

Part 6 Introduction: Moving On With Your Life

Co-Parenting Works!Part of moving on with your life after divorce is dating. How do you introduce this to your kids and talk about this with your co-parent. We’ll also talk about a hope chair. You may have fears about this. What’s healthy? And what about even further…remarriage? Jay and Tammy introduce these topics in Part 6 and help you think through remarriage, heal from divorce, and make a great decision for you and your children.

Part 7 Introduction: And Into The Future

Co-Parenting Works!Co-parenting does not end when child support ends or at age 18. Your children need you in their life forever. They will get married. Someday you may have grandchildren. There are decisions you will have to make with your co-parent. Part 7 is about making the right decisions through lifetime for you and your children.

 

 

Are you prepared to tell the children about your divorce or separation?  While the conversation will be difficult, it’s also an opportunity to let them know, first and foremost, that you love them, and to demonstrate that – as a family – you’re going to meet their needs and answer their questions. These guidelines will help you prepare for this event.

Please note that you should be absolutely certain that the divorce or separation will actually happen before you tell the kids. Once that has been determined, consider the guidelines below.

1. Confer with Your Former Partner Before You Tell the Kids About the Divorce.

For the sake of your children, put aside the hurt and anger you may be feeling, so that you can make decisions together about the details you’ll need to tell your children. If you don’t have this conversation beforehand, you may end up having it in front of or through your kids, which wouldn’t be fair to them. If it’s extremely difficult to speak with one another, consider using the services of a mediator or counselor, or invite someone you both trust to help you work out the details.

2. If at All Possible, Both Parents Should be Present When Telling the Kids.

This sends an important message to your kids that you’re both capable of working together for their benefit. In addition, you’ll want to tell all of the children at one time. It’s important that each child hear this news directly from mom and dad; not from the sibling who heard it first. If your kids are different ages, plan to share the basic information at the initial gathering, and follow-up with the older children during a separate conversation.

3. Remain Calm and Avoid Blaming.

The manner in which you present this news to your kids will, in large part, affect the degree of their anxiety and whether they anticipate a positive outcome for themselves. If the meeting becomes a screaming match, your kids will be far more unsettled about what is happening. Instead, avoid the tendency to assign blame or say whose “fault” this is. To the extent that you can, try to incorporate the word “we” when you’re explaining the decisions that have been made.

4. Provide a General Reason for What is Happening.

It is not important, or even appropriate, that you provide specific details about why you are planning a divorce. However, your kids will want to know why this is happening. Older children will recognize that this is a huge life change, and they will weigh that change against the reason you give them. So while you don’t want to share details of a personal nature, be prepared to give some type of general explanation.

5. Provide Specific Details About the Changes Your Kids Can Expect.

Your kids will want to know where they’re going to live, with whom, and what about their lives is going to change. You can help your children to be prepared for these changes by being honest about what you know, and what you don’t know.

6. Provide Specific Details About the Parent Who is Leaving the Home.

The more you can tell your kids about where the departing parent will be living and when they will be seeing him or her, the better. They’ll need to know, right away, that they will be able to maintain a quality relationship with this parent, even though they won’t be living under the same roof.

7. Reassure the Children of Your Unconditional Love.

Your children will need lots of reassurance that the divorce is not their fault. Specifically tell them that nothing they did could have caused – nor prevented – what is happening. In addition, make sure both parents collectively and individually convey thier unconditional love through words and actions. Avoid making long-range promises about an uncertain future. Instead, stick with the assurances you can make for the present time and be generous in sharing your hugs and affection.

8. Be Sensitive to How the Kids React to This News.

What you’re telling them may be completely unexpected, and will most assuredly change their lives. Try to be as understanding of no reaction – which is a reaction – as you would be if the children were in tears or extremely angry. Your children may not know how to express their intense emotions appropriately, and it may be some time before they can articulate their feelings.

9. Welcome Their Questions.

Most likely, the children will have many questions. To the extent that you can, be honest and clear in your responses. If you don’t know the answer to a question, tell them that. Also, realize that this conversation will unfold in many parts. After you’ve told the children about the divorce or separation, expect to revisit the topic many times as new questions and concerns arise.

10. Give Them Time to Adjust to the News.

It will take time for your children to adjust to this news. It is a huge change, and while you may be confident in the hopeful future you envision for them, it will take some time for them to see that future play out. In the meantime, be patient with their needs and make the effort to be a steady presence in their lives.

By Jennifer Wolf, About.com Guide

“Relationship breakdowns are an all too sad feature of modern life – one in three marriages between 1995 and 2010 having ended in divorce. However, the impact spreads far beyond the couple involved, with damage and hurt being wreaked on immediate family and all manner of friendships.

At Debrett’s we felt that, while there are many guides to the legal process of divorce, there is a paucity of advice when it comes to handling the personal issues associated with a major life trauma. We believe that courteous and considerate behaviour can acutally help to reduce unnecessary animosity and distress.

Debrett’s, the leading authority on behaviour, and Mishcon de Reya, leaders in the field of family law, have worked together to produce the first definitive guide that covers both the legal process and behavioural aspects of separation and divorce.”

Content:

The Legal Process: From advice on getting the most from your lawyer to a clear explanation of Child issues, Money Matters and Court Proceedings

After the Event: Everything you need to know about spreading the news, telling the children and cooperating with your ex-partner to dealing with the extended family and wider social circle.

New Beginnings:  From symbolic gestures, such as name changes,  to dating after a divorce, new relationships andre-marriages

The Facts:  A clear guide to the Process of Divorce, answers to Frequently Asked Questions and a Glossary of legal terms

(They aim to deliver all orders to UK addresses within 7-10 working days, although you should allow up to 28 working days in exceptional circumstances or for orders to Europe and the rest of the world.)

(64 pages, fully illustrated, 200x210mm, paperback),

Available now: Amazon US , Amazon UK.

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