Parenting is a journey filled with countless choices, but perhaps none are as impactful as the words we choose to share with our children. When it comes to co-parenting, when communication is key, every word matters. Our words have the potential to boost a child’s self-confidence or bring them down. There are certain things parents should never say to their kids. In this article, we’ll talk about six things you should avoid saying to your kids because they can really hurt your kids emotionally.
1. “I wish I’d never had kids.”
It’s totally okay if you’ve ever had the thought, “I wish I’d never had kids.” Lots of parents feel that way sometimes, especially when they’re super tired or upset after a tough day. But here’s the thing: those feelings usually come and go. They don’t mean you don’t love your kids overall.
When you’re feeling like that, it’s best to keep it to yourself. Telling your child you wish you didn’t have them can really hurt their feelings and make things tougher between you two. Instead, take a breather. Give yourself some time to calm down and think things through.
2. Don’t use any sort of comparing words. Like don’t say – “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?!”
It might seem okay to compare your child to others, like their other parent or sibling. But do you know it can actually hurt them in the long run.
When you say things like, “You’re just like your dad,” it can make your child feel bad in two ways. First, it hurts their confidence. Second, it can make them feel distant from the person they’re being compared to.
For example, if you always complain about Dad, then being compared to him feels like an insult. Every time you put Dad down, it also puts your child down. It’s not nice for kids to hear parents argue, and being called “just like Dad” when he’s being criticized can make your child feel mad and ashamed. If the comparison is with an ex-partner, it can make your child feel insecure and confused about their place in the family. Also it may cause parental alienation syndrome in your kids.
Comparing your child to their brother or sister, like saying, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” only makes them fight more and not like each other as much. Every child is different, with their own good and bad things. When you compare them, you forget that they’re special in their own way. It also makes them compete instead of work together.
A misconception in our society that we usually think comparing our kids will make them try harder, but it really just makes them feel bad about themselves. Kids do best when they feel loved for who they are, not when they’re always being compared. Instead of focusing on what they’re not good at, celebrate their unique qualities and help them make choices they believe in.
3. “You never do anything right.” / “You’re a loser.”
When you tell your child they never do anything right or that they’re a loser, you’re not just critiquing their actions; you’re attacking their self-worth. Using such harsh language is akin to wielding a verbal sledgehammer, smashing their confidence and leaving them emotionally bruised.
Criticism can be a tool for growth when delivered constructively, but these words serve no purpose other than to inflict pain. They’re not about guiding your child towards improvement; they’re about tearing them down. And the damage they cause extends far beyond the moment they’re spoken.
Children internalize these negative messages, shaping their self-image and influencing their beliefs about their abilities. Rather than motivating them to do better, it often leads to withdrawal and a fear of failure. When a child constantly hears that they can’t do anything right, they start to believe it, and their actions reflect that belief.
4. “You’re making me angry!
Things can get crazy when you co-parent. But remember, it’s your job to handle your feelings, not your kids’. Saying things like “You’re making me Angry!” just makes them feel bad and puts a wall between you. Sure, your kids might do stuff that upsets you, but they’re not the only reason you feel that way.
Here’s a better way to handle things. Instead of blaming them, say something like “This is a tough time. I’m starting to feel angry, and it’s my job to calm myself down…” By showing your kids how to understand and deal with feelings, you’re not only helping them learn how to control their emotions, but you’re also building trust with your co-parent.
The main idea is: when you co-parent, taking care of your own feelings is the most important thing to do to have a good relationship with your kids.
5. “You’re dumb”
Your words have power. When you call your child “dumb,” it’s more than just mean words. Those words can stick with them for a long time and make them feel bad about themselves. Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything they hear, especially from their parents.
Think about how it feels to hear those words from someone you love and trust. It can make them doubt themself and not think they can do things. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But remember, kids listen closely, especially to their parents. Even if you’re angry, those words can hurt their feelings for a long time.
6. “Stop talking to me! Go away!”
Parenting can be incredibly overwhelming at times, and it’s natural to feel the need to escape from it all. But it’s essential to handle these moments with care, especially when co-parenting. Instead of abruptly pushing your child away with a dismissive command, try taking responsibility for your feelings and communicating them in a healthier manner.
Next time you feel overwhelmed, consider expressing yourself like this: “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now and need some space to clear my head. I’m going to step away for a moment to take a breather. I’ll be back soon.” By doing so, you not only acknowledge your emotions but also model healthy communication and self-care to your child.
What to Do Instead of Saying Something You Might Regret
Parents have a significant psychological power over their children, and it is crucial to hold back emotions and words to teach the lessons they want their children to learn. In moments of extreme anger and frustration, taking a deep breath, refocusing on the task at hand, and replacing words with actions can help. It is important to remember that what comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into your child’s ear the way you want it to.
When parents hear hurtful words, it is important to remember that what comes out of your mouth doesn’t always get into their child’s ear the way you want it to. If a parent apologizes for their words, most children are forgiving and want to get along with them. This serves as good role modeling for any relationship.
As parents, our words carry immense power, and instead of resorting to hurtful labels, we should strive to provide guidance and support. Encouragement, coupled with constructive feedback, fosters resilience and growth. We should choose our words carefully, nurturing our children’s confidence rather than eroding it with harmful rhetoric.