Category: Communication

Photos are the lifeblood of the world…or at least, that is how they seem. They help us connect to places, people and things. They enable us to capture memories in time that we can enjoy for years to come. Photos allow us to show the world where we’ve been and who we love. And those photos allow us to connect with our kids, especially when we aren’t with them.

Let’s face it, in today’s world, photos have become an important way for us to communicate and they often bring us all together, which is why 2houses felt that they were an important feature to include in their app.

Kids Love Photos

Kids love photos. They love to take them, see them and just share them and the app takes that into account. Kids can do all of these things and share them in a photo album that their parents can access. One of the best things about this is that parents can add to these albums as well so that kids can see what their parents are doing when they aren’t there. For example, if your kids love butterflies and you see one while walking to work, you can snap a photo, send it over and caption it with a note.

Having the option of the photo album can help in creating some stability and predictability in their lives. They can see their world as being as rich as it was when both of you were together and they can capture those photos they love to show both of their parents just how amazing their lives are, even when they can’t be with both of them at once.

Capturing Memories

One things that a lot of parents say when they separate is that they miss out on those important milestones or memories. While the photos can’t put you right there for the memory, it can help with feeling connected to your kids…and with your kids feeling connected with both of their parents.

The reason? The photo albums and journals allow both parents to ad to them, as well as the kids. They can document important memories and share with the other parent so they have a sense of being involved with the memory. And since you are getting photos, the next time you see your kids, you can look at the photos and discuss what happened to help establish that memory as shared for your kids. They will feel like you are invested in them, even when you can’t be together, and this will boost their confidence and help them cope with the divorce much better.

Checking In

Connection with kids is often about being able to check in. You might remember when your kids were younger and how, when playing, they would often look up and over at you or might talk to you. This is part of kids learning how to connect with their parents and is an important part of child development as they grow up.

2houses is aware of how important it is for kids to check in with their parents. It helps build a relationship with both parents and their kids and it creates that stability. They know that you are there even when you can’t be present in that moment.

With the photo albums, kids can check in with the parent they are not with. They can stop and say, “Hey, look at what we did,” and send a photo for the other parent to look at. From there, you can send a quick message to show that you got it and that you are focused on them too.

Letting them know that they can check in and that those check ins will be appreciated will help them feel a connection with their parents. It lets them know that they matter regardless of what is happening between parents or on the day to day…and that connection is one of the best feelings both you and your kids can have.

Allows for Special Messages

As mentioned already, you can send notes to the kids when they share photos so that they know that you are connecting with them. Having the ability to send notes is a great way that the app really highlights the relationship between you and your kids. They can tell you about the day, let you know the photos are in the photo album and even journal about what happened or something funny that made them want to share the photo.

In return, you can respond and talk about the photo, what you liked about it, what it made you think about and you can connect around the story that they tell you about it. This type of interaction, while not face to face, can be done quickly without really cutting into the time your child is spending with their other parent. And this type of interaction builds relationships and connections.

Demonstrates Connection to Your Kids

Finally, the photo albums in the 2houses app is there for parents to share photos as well, and not just with their kids. They can share photos with the other parent, which can be a great way to nurture the co-parenting relationship, which does not have to be negative, and demonstrates to the kids how connections can grow.

By sharing photos of your kids with your ex-partner, you can create a better relationship with them, and help your ex-partner stay connected with things that are happening and vice versa. This demonstrates to the children how to use the photo albums to connect and also lets them know that you are both connecting so that the kids have everything that they need.

In the end, the photo albums may not seem like a big deal when you first spot them on the app, after all, there are plenty of ways to share photos, but having this private little place just for your family will only nurture their feelings of connectedness. And the kids will learn that they are loved, that their parents are focused on them, and that while houses may look different, especially when they are within two, families are still about those shared memories…even if they are only through photos.

Communication. It has become such a strange thing that we often don’t even think about. Our world is all about communicating, yet it seems like many people are communicating less. I found that before I separated from my partner—we’d stopped communicating, even though we were sharing a lot of information on a daily basis. When we stepped into the role of co-parenting, we realized that it is vital that we begin communicating properly…and in completely new ways than we had before.

In fact, to properly separate and create two houses that function as a continuation of the other, communication was key, but it definitely wasn’t easy. In this tip, I will explain why communication is so important for Canadian co-parents as well as some things that really worked for us.

Why is Communicating so Important?

Obviously, everyone has dozens of reasons why communicating is so important, but when it comes down to co-parenting, it is because it is imperative. If co-parents aren’t communicating, they can’t co-parent and if they are not co-parenting to the best interests of their children, the courts can step in as their main concern in Canadian law is the best interest of the children but that can mean that those decisions are not best for parents.

Even without the courts stepping in, there is a lot to cover when Canadian parents are first separating from custody agreements, visitation schedules, financial agreements, and the not-so-simple task for telling the kids about the separation. All of this takes communication and how you communicate can determine how quickly you can move on to the next stage of parenting—co-parenting.

But you may be wondering, how can I make communication one of the most important parts of co-parenting when we are still going through the separation? The easy answer is that it’s not going to be easy. When it comes to the kids, and co-parenting, you have to put a lot of the other things to the side. And there are ways that you can do this.

Separate the Communication

For communicating when it comes to co-parenting, separate the communication. What this means is that you should only be talking about matters that affect the kids. Anything that has to do with your relationship or the separation as it affects the adults should be set to specific types of communication or set times. When it is time to discuss things for the kids, make sure you don’t go into things about the relationship or how you are dealing with splitting the households.

The main reason for this is that it keeps the communication centered and you are less likely to argue over things if you are communicating about the kids.

Leave it in the Past

Along the same lines, leave it in the past. When my partner and I first separated, it was difficult to really leave the past where it should be. Unfortunately, every time we brought up behaviours in the past…such as I always took the kids to the doctors…we would get caught up in arguing and not communicating. The fact was, in our new arrangement, sometimes my kids had doctors’ appointments when they were with my ex and sometimes with me, which meant that I had to rely on my ex to handle things that I used to handle.

Instead of focusing on the past, I was able to see the importance of communicating about all the things the kids needed and not just the things my ex handled when we were together. That was where a co-parenting app really came in handy. We could schedule things, but we could also journal important information and communicate needs much better without having to worry about how things were done in the past. New family dynamic, new tools, such as 2houses, to make that dynamic run smoothly.

Focus on the Three Ws

Finally, this was advice that we received a few times from various lawyers and friends who had been through divorce and separation—focus on the three Ws to really make sure that communication is thriving.

So what are the three Ws? These are:

• Who: The people who need to be part of the communication. For many families, there are a lot of extra people who need to be part of the communication involved with co-parenting. Schools, teachers, extended family, stepparents and even the kids themselves. By expanding on the who, you can really determine how to create strong communication between everyone for the best interests of the kids.
• What: This really looks at the communication component. What type of information will you be sharing. Co-parents need to set up parameters on what needs to be shared — such as emergencies or test results from the doctors— to what doesn’t need to be shared—such as what the kids ate for dinner. Some of the what will seem insignificant but they are important for nurturing relationships between parents and kids and are an important part of communication.
• When: Finally, figure out when you need to speak with your co-parent. Does it need to be daily? Just at exchanges or do you need to touch base once or twice a week? By deciding a schedule for when to communicate, you can ensure that all communication is to the point and not meandering into other topics.

While it is not part of the three Ws, how you communicate will help you communicate with your co-parent. If you are finding that face to face conversations are resulting in fights, move to online or communicate through the 2houses app. If you need faster responses, try texting. Trust me, when you find the way to communicate that works best for you and your ex-partner, you will be able to communicate effectively, which will add important benefits to your co-parenting relationship.

In the end, communication is what is going to make you both successful as co-parents so it can be the most important step to supporting your kids.

2houses…it’s to the point, effective and lets consumers understand exactly what it is used for—parenting children between two houses. And the app continues the theme of being to the point and effective that the name represents. It is a digital platform that users can access both on their computer through the digital platform or on their mobile device. This easy of use, along with wide applications is one of the reasons that so many separated or divorced parents choose it as their top co-parenting app.

So let’s look at some of the top features that 2houses offer to parents who are separated.

Before the Features…the Savings Make it Shine!

It’s easy to launch into the features and really forget about price, but I often feel like price is one of the top features that 2houses bring. At $14 per month, the app allows for both parents to easily share the expense of the co-parenting app…which means that each co-parent only has to pay $7 per month without having to argue over who is paying for it.

And that $12.50 gains so many features that you get to test for 14 days free of charge! And it is all those features that we really want to dive into.

Oh Baby! The Calendar that Organizes Life Between Two Houses

I love the calendar. I can’t stress that enough. With a lot of calendars, you have to sit there and add every single repeated event or visitation/access times into the calendar one by one. With 2houses, the schedule wizards make it so you don’t have to do this. That makes it such a time saver when I’m setting it up and I know that other parents will appreciate this feature…because, with two houses, there is a lot of things that need to be scheduled into the calendar.

An added bonus of the calendar is that it can be synchronized to any other calendar apps that you use including Google Calendar, Outlook and iCal. This makes it even easier to stay organized with the new schedules of visitations, joint appointments and so much more.

Finally, the calendar allows parents to make requests for changes to the schedule, which sends an alert to the other co-parent to approve or make alternate suggestions.

For all of these reasons, the calendar is really the top feature for me and I know it is one that makes parents love 2houes when it comes to managing their co-parenting needs.

Finances Are Breezy! The Finance Feature Helps Avoid Those Conflict Topics

One of the biggest conflicts that my ex-partner and I had when we were first separated were the expenses. There was a lot of things that needed to be shared jointly and while we had no problem with a 50/50 split, sometimes discussing how those expenses were going to be paid led to a lot of conflict for us.

The 2houses app allowed us to set up an accounting of expenses and payments right in the app. While it does not handle any actual funds, being able to keep track of what is being put toward expenses, including child support and alimony, as well as what is being paid out for the children’s expenses.

For expenses where we had the 50/50 arrangement, we were able to send quick messages over the app to remind the other parent to send a payment to my account or vice versa. We could mark emergency expenses on the app and send a note to the other parents so they knew there was an expense and could make arrangements to play their half.

By having the balance on the app, and ability to create monthly statements of those expenses, could focus on the kids and not get bogged down by all the financials…and we had a paper trail as we needed, which is why I have ranked this as the second top feature on 2houses.

Love the Memories! The Albums Allows Our Family to Continue Sharing

At first, I wasn’t sure about the albums feature. I did love that we could share photos and videos with each other via the albums but I figured it was a minor feature on the app since there are so many other ways that we can share photos and videos, such as Instagram. Then I realized that there are a lot of private photos of the kids that I didn’t want to share on even the most secure social media account.

And that’s when I started using the 2houses album features. When the kids were with me, I could quickly upload a photo or video so that my ex-partner could stay connected. It also allowed him to see how the kids were doing with me and I know I appreciated it when the kids were with him.

Of course, what really sealed the album as a top feature was when my kids were using the app—another thing that makes it amazing with the kids being able to use the app to connect with both of us when they aren’t with us. They loved being able to stay connected with their dad when with me and really enjoyed sharing photos back and forth. It helped them keep their bond with my ex-partner and made them feel that while we were two units in two different houses, where they were concerned, we were still very much a team…a co-parenting team.

So, while there are many other features such as the communication journal, which is attached to the albums, the album feature on 2houses is definitely the third top feature on the app.

In all honesty, however, the entire app and digital platform was amazing for our new co-parenting family. It worked in keeping us organized, helped avoid fights about finances and just created a cohesive team between my ex-partner and I where the kids were concerned.

2houses is an amazing app and is definitely worth the price…although, you can test it out yourself with the free trial…so what are you waiting for?

Communication is one of the most important tools that you can have as a co-parent, but it can also be one of the hardest things to navigate for many reasons. First, you may be coming from a separation that occurred because of a breakdown of communication. Second, some topics, such as finances, can be a conflict topic, that can quickly breakdown communication. Third, communication isn’t easy to navigate even in the best co-parenting relationships—after all, your relationship, how much you’ve healed around the separation or divorce, and your comfort levels are all going to determine how you will communicate as co-parenting.

Tip Number One: Understand what Communication is

To begin, communication is how we give and receive information and when you are a co-parent, there is a lot of information that you will be exchanging from scheduling to expenses and more. With communication, we are looking at five key skills you will need to master, these are:

1. Verbal Communication: This is exactly as it sounds, speaking with your co-partner. It can occur face-to-face, on any type of video conference/facetime app, or over the phone. 
2. Non-Verbal Communication: This comes in with verbal communication but it is the facial expressions, eye contact, posture and body movement that conveys non-verbal messages. For instance, rolling your eyes when your co-parent is talking will say a lot about how you are feeling in that moment. It is always important to be aware of your non-verbal cues to avoid conflict.
3. Written Communication: As it sounds, it’s any type of correspondence you have with your co-parent in writing. The 2houses app is perfect for this as there are several options to send written communication to your co-parent.
4. Active Listening: Not always thought of as a part of communication but being an active listener is very important as you won’t find yourself in as many conflicts if you are listening. 
5. Visual Communication: Finally, we get a lot of communication with videos, images, ads, etc. As co-parents, sending videos and images through the 2houses app is a great way for you to communicate how the kids are doing when they aren’t with the other parent.

Now that we’ve looked at the different types of communication, let’s jump into tips to help you navigate co-parenting communication. 

Tip Number Two: Keep it Connected to the Kids

Keeping it centered on the kids is an important step, especially when you first enter into a co-parent relationship. Remember, you were in a partnership before your separation where you checked in with your ex-partner about what was going on in their life. When you are co-parenting, it can be easy to fall back into that role where you are caregiving for an ex-partner and this can cause a lot of tensions, especially if it becomes confusing.

When you first separate or divorce, keep the communication very business like, but still be okay. It is fine to ask how things are, but avoid becoming the confidant for their problems. Keep the majority of conversations on your kids and the subject around your kids’ needs. Later on, your co-parenting arrangement may move into a friendship but it’s okay if it doesn’t or if you keep it strictly on a professional, business-like manner. 

Tip Number Three: Find the Communication that Works

This will be a constantly evolving process while you are navigating your co-parenting communication. Sometimes, co-parenting can only be done through the use of a mediator or mediation app. Communication can be difficult and it may be strictly written with no verbal interactions. That is okay, especially when there are increased tensions and conflict. 

Taking a step back in communication can help prevent it from becoming completely shut down. Most parents find that one or a mixture of two or three methods work best for them so it is important to find the one that works for you. For some, regular verbal communication is key to properly sharing information, for others, calendars as the main communication format makes it go smoother for their two houses.

Tip Number Four: Be Aware of Your Language

Language is often one thing that can lead to more conflict in co-parenting communication. Let’s face it, most of us have never really had to be aware of language too much so it can be a bit jarring when it becomes very apparent that you need to be. 

With language, there are a few things that you need to be aware of. These are:

• “I” Statements: Remember to always approach things with “I” statements, especially when you are dealing with a conflict. 
• Avoid Blaming Language: This ties into “I” statements but try to avoid “you” statements or things like, “you never” and so on. 
• Use Solution Focused Languages: Shift away from blame and focus on solutions instead. So, if an appointment is missed by your co-parent, suggest setting up reminders for future appointments. 
• Avoid Past Dialogues: It is easy to slip into conversations about the past and this can quickly lead to conflict if there are unresolved issues. Instead, keep dialogue to the here and now. 

Tip Number Five: Keep Communication Direct

When you are communicating, make sure that you are being direct in what you are saying and the method that you are delivering it in. Don’t use your children to send messages to your co-parent. Instead, give them directly to the co-parent or send via the 2houses app. 

In addition, any communication you have, keep it focused on only what you are trying to communicate. Try to avoid going off topic, which can be very easy to do.

By navigating communication with your co-parent, you can create a positive relationship that will help your children succeed in adjusting to living in two houses. It won’t always be easy, but when you successfully communicate with your co-parent, you will find it rewarding across the board. 

Co-parenting can be a lot of hard yakka but something that many Australian parents are finding out, it doesn’t have to be. In fact, for Australian parents who are separated, or divorced, co-parenting can be as easy as a simple download that helps create a bridge between parents, even when there are continued tensions from the separation.

So what is this amazing download that will be the bridge between co-parents? The answer is 2houses—-a co-parenting app that more and more Australian parents are discovering and utilizing for all of the amazing benefits that the app offers.

But what are those benefits? Well, we are here to explore just what Australian families are the happiest about with 2houses.

Benefit Number One: Custody Sharing Made Easy

When kids are going between two homes, there can be a lot of logistics to work through. It isn’t as simple as grab your bag, and there needs to be a lot of communication, scheduling and planning for it to be pulled off easily. 2houses is perfect for making it easy.

The app is designed to set schedules and to communicate completely over the app or platform. What this means is that you can let the other parent know about any changes in the schedule, which they can sign off on, messages about events happening or updating any documents that are needed to be shared.

Not only does this ability of the app reduce confusion, but it also means the parents are communicating together and not through their child, which happens quite often. In addition, it removes a lot of the tension that can occur, especially when parents recently split.

Knowing when things are happening, what’s happening, what is needed for the child and having accessibility to data during an emergency makes custody sharing much easier.

Benefit Number Two: Less Tension on Shared Expenses

As you know, separation and divorce come with a lot of tensions and one of them is definitely in the finances. It can be difficult to finally reach a financial agreement and decide on what expenses will be shared. In addition, even after the financial agreement is reached, it can be difficult to work through payments and getting everything shared.

The 2houses platform and app is perfect for this process. The app is designed to help manage expenses with shared wish lists to list unexpected expenses, such as a new pair of shoes needed by the child, and a budget tool for known shared expenses. It also allows you to keep up with balances and know who paid for what, which helps avoid the conflict topic of financials.

There are so many benefits with avoiding these conflict topics, but the biggest one is that when parents are working together amicably, the kids have two cooperating homes to go to and that eases a lot of the tension or them.

Benefit Number Three: Child Friendly Use

One thing that 2houses emphasises is that co-parenting apps should be beneficial to the whole family. While a large amount of the app is designed for parents to partner together without the conflict topics or as much tension as can happen normally, a lot of thought went into ways that 2houses can support the whole family.

And that benefit really is important to Australian families. So how is 2houses child friendly?

First, the app is extremely easy to navigate. This makes it great for parents who aren’t as tech savvy or for younger kids who are still learning how to use apps. Second, the app is designed for kids to also connect with parents on it. When a child is added to the platform, they can look over the schedule and see what is happening. This helps provide stability that might be missing as they move back and forth between two homes.

In addition, being able to connect with parents, the kids can send journals and messages to the parent they are not with so that they can keep building a strong connection. Having these options supports the health and happiness of children through the process of separation and divorce.

Benefit Number Four: Cost Effective

We all want to save a few quid, especially when household finances drop after separation or divorce so that is why Australian families are choosing 2houses. Not only is it affordable, less than 20 quid a month, it can easily be a shared expense. You can also purchase it yearly to get additional pricing savings.

With all of the features it offers, and the benefits of co-parenting in positive and effective manners, there are very few reasons to not download it and use this app. And cost is one of those reasons.

Benefit Number Five: Creates Options for Communication

Finally, communication is key for co-parenting and it isn’t always easy to have when you are going through a separation. With the 2houses app, parents can communicate through the app because it works like a third party. In addition, the app is a neutral option and you can share information in a number of ways: through the calendar and scheduling, with messages, through the documents folder and with the journal and album features.

When information and communication is flowing, it helps reduce those tension conversations and allow the kids to simply enjoy their time with their parents, instead of being a messenger for them. And the app helps to keep emotion and tension out of the interactions since everything is organized, easy to use and easy to share with your ex partner.

When it comes to co-parenting apps, this is the one that makes the most sense. It understands the needs of Australian parents and it exceeds the expectations to meet those needs. Parents can focus on parenting and leave all the rest to the app for a low cost that won’t put added pressure on either parents’ finances.

Divorce can be a difficult time for families, especially for children. With over One Million children experiencing the divorce of their parents in the United States each year, one of the many challenges that divorced parents have to face is ensuring that their children receive adequate healthcare. 

Although sharing parenting obligations with a former partner could come with more confusion and dealing with healthcare topics can feel tortuous, co-parents are better off if they handle issues proactively and with a transparent system in mind. Parents must make medical care decisions for their children with attention and transparency to ensure they continue receiving the treatment they ought. Effective communication and coordination between parents can help them in achieving this goal. 

In this article, we will discuss six strategies for effective communication and coordination to ensure that the healthcare needs of children of divorced parents are met.

Ways of employing effective communication and coordination to ensure children healthcare needs 

Establish Clear Communication Channels 

One of the essential strategies for effective communication and coordination is establishing clear communication channels between divorced parents, Which may include regular meetings, phone calls, or emails to discuss appointments, medications, and any changes in the child’s health status. Parents must communicate regularly and inform each other about their child’s healthcare needs; this will help to ensure that both parents are on the same page regarding their child’s healthcare and can work together to make informed decisions.

Share Important Information 

Sharing important health information about the child is essential for effective healthcare coordination; this includes medical histories, allergies, and any chronic conditions. In cases where the child sees multiple healthcare providers, sharing this information with all relevant parties is essential to ensure continuity of care. Both parents should have access to this information and keep it updated regularly; this will help ensure that both parents are informed about their child’s health status and can work together to make informed decisions.

Create a Healthcare Plan 

Creating a healthcare plan is effective for coordinating healthcare between divorced parents. The program should outline the child’s healthcare needs and how they will be met. It should include information about healthcare providers, medications, and emergency contact information. Both parents should have a copy of the plan, which should be updated regularly to reflect changes in the child’s health status; this will help to ensure that both parents are informed about their child’s healthcare needs and can work together to make informed decisions.

Respect Each Other’s Views 

Parents may have different views on their child’s healthcare needs, which can lead to disagreements. Both parents must respect each other’s opinions and work together to find a solution that is in the best interest of their child, which may involve compromising on specific aspects of the healthcare plan. It is important to remember that both parents want what is best for their child and focus on finding a solution that works for everyone involved.

Keep the Child’s Best Interests in Mind 

When making healthcare decisions for their child, divorced parents should always consider their child’s best interests; this may involve putting aside personal differences and working together to make decisions that are in the child’s best interest. Prioritizing the child’s health and well-being is more crucial than conflicts between the parents. By keeping the child’s best interests in mind, both parents can work together to provide the best possible healthcare for their child.

Involve Healthcare Providers 

Healthcare providers can be essential in coordinating healthcare for children of divorced parents. Parents should inform healthcare providers about their situation and ensure that all providers should know of the child’s healthcare plan. Healthcare providers can also serve as neutral parties to help parents resolve disagreements about their child’s healthcare. They can guide medical decisions and aid parents in understanding the options available for their child’s healthcare. By involving healthcare providers, both parents can access accurate medical information and expert advice, which can help ensure that their child receives the best possible healthcare.

Conclusion

Divorced parents face many challenges in ensuring that their children receive adequate healthcare. Effective communication and coordination are essential for meeting these challenges. By establishing clear communication channels, sharing important information, creating a healthcare plan, respecting each other’s views, keeping the child’s best interests in mind, and involving healthcare providers, divorced parents can work together to provide the best possible healthcare for their child. While it may be challenging to navigate, a child’s healthcare needs after a divorce, effective communication and coordination can make the process smoother for everyone involved.

In conclusion, divorced parents should prioritize their child’s health and well-being by working together to coordinate healthcare. Divorce parents can ensure that their child’s healthcare needs are met by establishing clear communication channels, sharing important information, creating a healthcare plan, respecting each other’s views, keeping the child’s best interests in mind, and involving healthcare providers. Divorce can be difficult for families, but with the right strategies in place, parents can work together to provide the best possible healthcare for their children.

If you want to learn more about coping with divorce as a family, kindly consider checking out these other articles at 2houses.com 

https://www.2houses.com/en/blog/divorce-announcement-wording-tips-for-your-children

https://www.2houses.com/en/blog/talking-parents-6-reasons-parents-should-talk-after-a-divorce-meta-description

https://www.2houses.com/en/blog/parental-separation-and-divorce-how-to-support-children

https://www.2houses.com/en/blog/the-effects-of-divorce-on-childrens-behaviour

When parents find themselves considering separation and divorce, they often think of the different impacts on the whole family. Monetary, living spaces and even schooling factor in but, often, parents are reassured that children are resilient. While this is true, it is important for parents to understand the emotional impact of separation and divorce and how to help their children cope with it.

What Emotional Impacts Occur With Children?

There are a number of emotional impacts that you can see in your child during separation and divorce. These can be:

• Strong Emotions: Children often experience a range of emotions from sadness to anger. They can have a sense of loss and can experience high levels of anxiety. Depression is also not uncommon. 
• Behavior Problems: There are a range of behavior problems that occur including delinquency, problems connecting or experiencing increased conflict with peers or adults, impulsive behaviour and conduct disorders. In addition to those behavior problems, children often engage in risk taking behaviors, such as early sexual activity and drug and alcohol use.
• Poor Academic Performance: While we think of this as more of a psychological hurdle, it is often linked to emotional impacts. Recently, a study has shown that poor academic performance is seen more commonly in children where divorce was unexpected, rather than when divorce was expected.

It is important to understand that the age of the child will also have emotional impacts. Young children are more likely to worry about not being loved any longer by one or both parents. Grade school children often shoulder the blame of divorce and teenagers can become quite angry with one or both of their parents. Regardless of age, children often feel fear and confusion around the divorce and separation, along with a high level of stress, which can lead to those behavioral impacts as a result.

Helping Your Children Cope with Emotional Impacts

Coping with the emotional impacts of divorce and separation are key in helping your child adjust to the new norm in their life. In addition, parents should understand that coping is an ongoing process. Even when kids look like they are fully coping with the change, there can be setbacks that bring new, or old, emotions to the forefront and parents may have to shift the coping mechanisms.

However, we have several coping mechanisms that will help your child cope with the emotional impacts. 

1. Coping with Your Own Emotional Impacts

Although a lot of our focus is on the impact of separation and divorce on children, it is important to start by looking at the emotional impacts you are facing yourself. No matter how you reached the decision to separate, you will have your own emotional impacts that can include anger, frustration, grief, anxiety and a range of other emotions. 

Take time to destress, exercise and look into therapy to help you work through the emotions of separation and divorce. Find the coping strategies that work for you and put them to use daily. By learning how to cope with your emotional impacts, you will model coping strategies to your children. 

2. Adult Problems – Adult Solutions

While this is not directly combating emotional impact directly, it is one of the most important steps that you can take as parents. Divorce affects the entire family, but it is still an adult problem that adults need to find the solutions for. Children should not be involved in this process at all as it adds unnecessary stress for them.

Some ways that you can minimize bringing the kids into the adult problem are:

• Communicate Directly: Don’t make your kids the messenger. If you need to communicate something to your ex-partner, say it directly to them through phone calls, emails, texts, etc. When a child is working as the messenger, it can lead them to easily step into a mediator role, which leads to an increased risk of anxiety and depression.
• Be Diplomatic: This goes with communicating directly but when you are diplomatic, there is often less tension between parents. Make sure that you are not badmouthing the other parent to or in front of the child. 
• Learn: Parenting through divorce and separation is a learning process so it is important to learn and educate yourself as parents. Find out the best way to navigate divorce, how to meet the needs of your kids together and how to get support when needed.

In the end, maintaining a parenting relationship with your ex-partner that is as free of tension and stress as possible will go a long way in helping your kids cope with the divorce.

3. Foster Healthy Dynamics

Fostering healthy dynamics with your children and your ex-partner enables everyone to cope with the emotional impact of separation and divorce. This can be done in a number of ways. 

1. Foster a strong parent-child relationship: Keep conflict low, find ways to meet the needs of your kids in positive, respectful ways. Be sure to set limits but also give the child parental time, affection and warmth.
2. Allow your kids to feel safe: Find out where their worries are and make sure they feel loved and safe. Many children can have a fear of abandonment from one or more parents so reassurance that you will be there for your child is important. 
3. Keep routines: With so much change, it can be difficult to keep routines but it is important to try. Agree with your partner on routines and schedules that will happen at both homes and enforce those routines. When kids have a sense of structure, they feel less stress and going between homes won’t be as scary for them.
4. Let your kids tell you what they need: While we want to solve all the hurt your child is living through, it is important to not always fix it for them. Listen to them when they tell you what they need and try to incorporate that into your child’s life. They’ll feel empowered, and learn that they are strong enough to work through the stress. 

Before moving on to the final tip, it is important to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex-partner through open communication. The more you communicate in a respectful manner, the better your child’s coping skills.

4. Be Consistent

Consistency is key with coping with emotional impacts. Be consistent with your actions, time and with routines as mentioned above. In addition, establish rules and consequences with your ex-partner in regard to your children. If consequences need to be given, make sure that it is consistent between both households. Studies have shown that consistency, even in regard to discipline, help reduce delinquency in children. 

In the end, these are coping strategies that you can use without professional help; however, if nothing is working and your child is still experiencing a lot of emotional distress and negative behaviors as a result, it is important to seek professional help. This help could be through mediators to provide a lower level of tension between parents, or psychological support from a trained professional for your children and even your whole family. 

The key to successfully coping with the emotional impact from separation and divorce is in being proactive and getting the support you and your children need. 

Joint custody is more common today than ever before, but that doesn’t always make it easy to set up. After a separation or divorce, figuring out how to co-parent your kids can be much harder than you’d imagine.

If you’re like most divorced parents, one of your most pressing questions is “How do we create a parenting plan for our family?” Juggling work schedules, extracurricular activities, visits to grandparents, and more can feel impossible.

Fortunately, there’s a lot you can do to rein in the chaos. Let’s take a look at a few insights on creating a calendar that works for your whole family.

Tips Before Starting

Whether you’re just filing for divorce or you’ve been co-parenting for years, make sure to start on the right foot.

Keep the Kids in Mind

This tip may sound obvious, but it’s important.

Co-parenting means setting feelings of hurt aside to focus on what’s best for your kids. Strong emotions can make this hard, but don’t forget that your kids’ stability and happiness come first.

Avoid using your kids as messengers during your discussions about your calendar. You and your co-parent need to be able to speak directly. Aim to address each other with respect, to compromise, and to seek counseling or mediation if needed.

Work as a Team

Though we won’t get too far into this topic here, now is also a good time to discuss the consistency between houses.

What rules will you set up for curfews and other scheduling concerns? What types of privileges, restrictions, and discipline will you use?

Making sure your kids know what to expect from both parents can create a sense of stability.

Types of Joint Custody Schedules

Depending on your family’s needs, there are a few different joint custody schedules you can choose from.

Alternating Weeks

The most common option is a weekly parenting schedule. This involves allowing kids to switch from home to home on alternating weeks. Often, the transition between homes is easiest over the weekend.

Some families adapt this schedule by adding visits or overnight stays in the middle of the week. This can help ensure that kids get to see each parent at least once per week, and it can also allow kids to attend certain extracurriculars.

Weekend Schedule

The weekend schedule, also called a 5-2 schedule, means that one parent gets the kids each weekday while the other gets them on weekends. This is ideal for parents who prefer a set schedule, though it often means the parent with weekend custody gets more downtime with the kids.

Mid-Week Rotations

There are many different types of rotating schedules that offer more contact with both parents during the week. However, these schedules can sometimes make it trickier for kids to stick to an extracurricular schedule.

In a 2-2-3 rotation, for example, kids spend two days with one parent, two days with another, and three days back with the first. The schedule allows parents to swap the three-day weekend between households.

Other schedules include 3-3-4-4 rotations and 2-2-5-5 rotations. Some families also alternate between either two- or three-day rotations.

Brainstorming Your Post-Divorce Schedule

Co-parenting schedules will always look different from family to family. After all, just as every family is different, so is every child within that family. When you and your ex consider your new schedule, make sure you’re thinking about every detail that makes your family unique.

At this point, it helps to have your calendars, special dates, and other scheduling details in front of you.

Here are a few things you’ll want to consider while you brainstorm:

• The ages of your children
• Any special needs your children have
• The types of child custody each parent has
• The arrival and dismissal times for each child’s school
• Each child’s extracurricular schedule
• Each parent’s work schedule
• Holidays, religious celebrations, and school breaks
• Third-party visits, such as weeks with grandparents or relatives
• The travel time between both households
• The financial situation of each household
• Each child’s medical needs

Talking to your child or children is helpful as well. When the situation allows, let them make choices about when they move homes and where they stay.

It’s also a good idea to avoid a few key things. For example, try not to make your transition times unreasonable when possible. Early morning or late night transitions can be hard on kids.

Though it can’t always be helped, try not to make your kids move between households too often in a single week. This is especially true for small children, who often need more stability.

Creating a Visual Calendar

Once you’ve brainstormed the type of plan you want and the specific scheduling for your family, creating a calendar can help. This makes it easier for everyone to see where kids should be at all times.

Ideally, your co-parenting calendar information should be online and interactive. This makes it easy to stay organized and see your schedule at a glance on the go.

Tweaking Your Post-Separation Schedule

Keep in mind that no schedule should be set in stone. It’s important, especially in the beginning, to make sure that your calendar is meeting your kids’ needs.

As you start using your schedule, take note of any issues that arise. Be careful not to assign blame for these issues while everyone adjusts to the calendar.

Common issues include missed pickups, events that run longer than expected, and scheduling conflicts. You should also get a feel for your children’s behavior and their reactions to the new calendar.

If any issues seem to be more than a one-off mistake, don’t be afraid to tweak your calendar.

If you happen to be using our parenting schedules, note that they can help you send messages and make change requests online. This can help parents adjust their schedules and find alternative dates fast.

Insights From Our Family to Yours

Here at 2houses, we know how stressful it can be to manage custody after a separation or divorce. That’s why we work to offer helpful tips and resources to parents who want the best for their kids.

Our online calendar is a great tool for any parent who needs a little help getting organized. Setting schedules, sending messages, and managing changes is a breeze through our simple interface. To try it for yourself, start your 14-day free trial now!

With the holidays comes a certain amount of tension. As a matter of fact, 88% of Americans find the holiday season to be one of the most stressful times of the year! It gets even harder when you’re trying to manage a blended family and can lead to bad behavior like badmouthing. 

Often, with all of the added stressors of the holidays, parents aren’t on their best behavior. They’re worn down from holiday shopping, decorations, parties, work, work engagements, and the cold and dreary weather.

Under enough stress, they snap. They may resort to “less than ideal” behavior. Badmouthing (among other types of stress-related behavior) is bad for the children (and the family dynamic as a whole). 

Read on to learn how to avoid it. 

Prepare Yourself Ahead of Time

It’s no secret that the holidays are going to bring with them some serious stressors. You already know this, so start preparing weeks (if not more) ahead of time. 

This is a great time to start journaling, practicing self-care (more on that later), and potentially talking to someone about your concerns. Talk to your counselor about how you’re feeling and some worries you have about how the holidays will go. 

Don’t leave room for surprises. 

If you’re going to be sending your child(ren) from one home to another, know exactly how the pick-up and drop-off will go. Plan a time and location so you can prepare both yourself and your family. 

You should also plan the unrelated details of your holiday ahead of time. The better-prepared you are, the less stressed you’ll be. That will make it easier for you to stay on good behavior. 

Plan How to React

While you’re preparing, try to consider any potential events that could trigger an emotional response. Not reacting poorly in the moment is a challenge for anyone, and it’s understandable that stress would make it even more difficult.

Consider potential scenarios that could come up. Whether it’s a fight between you (or a family member) and your co-parent, someone being late for pick-up or drop-off, or snide comments, it’s good to know how you plan to respond in a healthy way. 

Find Ways to Relieve Stress

Try to find self-care and stress-relief methods on the days and weeks leading up to the holidays. 

You’re likely going to be busy with holiday preparations, but do what you can to take breaks every now and again. Give yourself an at-home spa day, let a babysitter or family member watch the kids, go see a movie with friends, or find one of the countless other opportunities to remove yourself from your stressors for just a few hours.

Consider talking to a therapist if you don’t already. It’s not uncommon for people to only see therapists during times of stress. With a therapist, you can also “badmouth” your former partner as much as you’d like to in a safe and harmless environment.

Your therapist may also be able to help you re-route those negative thoughts into something more positive. 

Collaborate With Your Co-Parent

If it’s possible to do so, work together with your co-parent to make the situation as relaxing as possible.

If you plan on spending time together, that’s amazing! Not everyone can do that, so that’s a great thing you’re doing for your child. You also know it can be even more frustrating than just doing a pick-up and drop-off, however.

Plan ahead. Talk about things on the “not to do” list that you can both avoid to prevent any unnecessary tension. Talk about topics that you won’t bring up.

Consider coming up with a “cue” that you can use to tell the other parent that you need to go take a break. You can both use this non-verbal cue if you’re feeling your tempers rise. 

If you’re spending most of the time apart, you should still collaborate. Talk to your former partner about what you will and will not say around the children. Remember, this is not your child’s problem. 

Think Before You Speak

This seems simple, but it’s tougher than you think during a stressful time.

Always take a second to breathe before you react to something upsetting. Often, our mouths move faster than our brains! Give yourself a moment to think before you say something you regret.

It’s always better to be silent than to badmouth. 

Avoid Passive Aggression

This is a tough one!

Many parents are fantastic at avoiding overt badmouthing, but they may dip into passive aggression when they’re feeling upset. It’s totally understandable during stressful holidays, but it’s not as subtle as you think it is.

Children can pick up on passive aggression, so you’re not hiding your badmouthing by making it more subtle. Your co-parent will also pick up on it and it could make the situation worse.

If you have a problem, excuse yourself and your co-parent and speak directly. 

Focus on the Holiday

At the end of the day, all you can do is focus on the joy of the holiday. You want to create the best holiday experience for your child (and yourself), so make the most of it.

Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, your co-parent may irritate you or do something you don’t expect. You may do the same to them without realizing it!

Try to get into the holiday spirit anyway. Focus on what’s good.

Avoid Badmouthing During the Holidays

While the holidays can bring out the worst in us, badmouthing is never the answer. Practice self-care, see a counselor, prepare ahead of time, and consider the other recommendations on our list.

Are you looking for a tool that can make co-parenting easier and less stressful for parents and children alike? 2houses gives you access to a family journal, a family calendar, financial organization features, and more. Give it a try today.