Category: Communication

In 2020, there were 630,505 divorces and annulments in the United States alone. Separation and divorce are still quite common in the United States and around the world. However, talking parents can make the situation easier for your family. 

Divorce is a difficult time full of many strong emotions and obstacles, both for the parents and for your children. Regardless of the reason, divorce became the best option for the two of you. But you might want to think twice before burning bridges with your former spouse.

Here’s why you and your children will benefit from parent communication. 

1. You Avoid Misunderstandings

You and your spouse don’t have to be friends after a divorce. Some people are lucky and split amicably. Others feel hurt, betrayed, and angry. 

Whatever your situation, it’s crucial to remain cordial and professional. You don’t have to be friendly, but remaining level-headed will help you make better decisions. You can focus on what’s important during this time.

Remaining cordial makes it easy to communicate with your spouse. Communicating helps the two of you avoid misunderstandings and come to an agreement more quickly. As such, you can finalize the divorce sooner. 

Another way to avoid misunderstandings is to research common myths. Understand the legal terminology and discuss these issues with your spouse. That way, the two of you can come to an agreement with fewer hurt feelings. 

2. You Save Money

The average cost of a divorce is $12,900. However, you can spend much more if you have any contested issues. Commonly contested issues include: 

• Child support
• Child custody
• Alimony
• Property

You and your spouse may not be on the same page regarding these issues. Yet, remaining divided will cost the two of you much more. So, what can you do? 

Find a way to communicate outside of the courtroom to save money. Go out to lunch or discuss issues over the phone. Of course, be careful what you say and agree to unless it aligns with your interests. 

The two of you may be able to come to an agreement faster this way. 

3. It’s Easier on Your Kids

There is a 16% increased risk of behavioral problems in kids between 7-14 following a divorce. It’s crucial to remember that your kids are having a tough time too. As such, you want to be careful about what you say concerning your spouse in front of them. 

Your children love you both. Divorce can feel like they suddenly have to “choose” between parents. They might ask, “What will happen to our family?” 

The stress of a divorce can take a mental and physical toll on kids. They may become depressed or anxious and feel as if their lives are changing in a big way. 

Take time to spend with your kids. Ask them how they’re feeling and let them know they can always come to you. Of course, you might want to consider counseling or therapy for your kids. 

A child therapist helps kids work through difficult mental and emotional problems. They can also diagnose issues such as anxiety, stress, or depression. Seeing a professional can also help your child feel like they have someone to talk to. 

4. Co-Parenting Becomes an Option

Conflict between parents has a negative effect on kids. It may make them feel vulnerable or anxious. That’s why co-parenting is becoming so common. 

By definition, co-parenting involves sharing the responsibilities of raising a child or children. It’s used mostly in situations where parents are separated or divorced. 

That said, co-parenting will look different in each divorce situation. It involves scheduling visitations, taking their kids to appointments, attending important moments in a child’s life, etc. 

Divorced parents often find that co-parenting makes divorce much easier on the children. They can still see both parents, and the family isn’t as disjointed as it may have felt previously. 

However, co-parenting is only possible with proper family communication and flexibility. You need to talk to your spouse about what times work best and how long visitations should be. Also, consider whether there are any obstacles, such as appointments or travel. 

The 2houses interactive calendar makes this much easier by setting parental schedules. 

5. It’s Therapeutic

Divorce is stressful for both parents as well as the kids. Plus, it can get awkward among your friends, at work, and when talking to your support network. Your whole life can change after a divorce, including where you live and who you talk to. 

As such, you may deal with feelings of anxiety, stress, depression, anger, and so on. In short, you have a lot of feelings to work through! Communicating with your spouse and others can be therapeutic for you. 

Part of the reason why divorce can be so stressful is not understanding the situation. You may not understand your spouse’s feelings or actions, especially if they hurt you. 

Communication can provide closure. It may not be easy, but it can help you to understand the situation more. 

You have a right to express any feelings of anger or grief as well. However, yelling at your spouse or blaming them won’t make matters any better. It’s best to talk to a therapist or start a divorce journal to work through your feelings. 

6. Communication Is Easier Than You Think

These days, technology has made communicating and syncing schedules much easier. You no longer have to make appointments on the fridge calendar, via email, or over text. 

Interactive calendars allow both parents to add family events, adjust their schedules, and more. Set a time for dance lessons or parent-teacher conferences. If there’s a sudden change in schedules, either spouse can update the calendar. 

That way, both spouses have an accurate schedule that makes co-parenting much easier. 

Talking Parents: A Better Solution

Open communication and talking parents can make divorce easier for your kids. It also has many benefits for you, such as being therapeutic. 

To make the process easier, take a look at the features and pricing of the 2houses services. From an interactive calendar to a financial management tool, subscribing makes communicating easy and painless. 

Have you recently gone through a divorce?

Getting divorced brings up many negative emotions within us. It is essential to let these negative emotions out through a healthy outlet. One way to reflect on these emotions is through daily writing in a journal.

Did you know that journaling is a form of meditative practice? Journaling the right way can help improve your perspective and mental health.

However, you can only reap the benefits if you do it right. Not sure what to write in your divorce journal? Then keep reading for twenty relationship journal prompts.

1. When Did You Realize it Was a Toxic Relationship?

Writing this down can give you strength when you are doubting yourself. Leaving someone is hard when you’re used to being with them. You may even start gaslighting yourself into thinking that the relationship was not that bad.

2. Is There a Pattern of Toxic Relationships in Your Life?

Think about other relationships you’ve had.

If you find yourself drawn to toxic partners, reflect on why. Did your parents have an unhealthy relationship? Do you have problems contributing to this?

Knowing what causes you to stay in toxic relationships is important. This helps you avoid toxic relationships in the future. You may also talk to a therapist who can help you resolve some issues you have contributing to this.

3. When Was the Last Time You Felt Good About Your Relationship?

It is good to get both good and bad aspects of your relationship. Hating your partner would only plant negative emotions in your heart.

Try looking back on the good moments of your relationship. This helps you have a more balanced view of your ex-partner. Knowing your partner’s good traits is crucial when you’re divorced but need to co-parent.

4. If Your Loved One Was in the Same Situation, What Advice Would You Tell Them?

One of the best pieces of advice is to treat yourself like how you would treat a loved one. We are often self-critical and fail to see things in a balanced or empathetic way. Treating yourself like you would a loved one will help you treat yourself with more kindness.

5. What Was the Last Straw That Made You Leave?

The last straw is often not one situation; reflecting on it may show you other accumulated problems. Unresolved issues or trauma in your last relationship might carry on in your next one.

It is essential to reflect on the last straw and think of ways you could have prevented it. How did you react? Do you think you handled it the right way?

6. What’s the Biggest Lesson You’ve Learned?

All relationships give us lessons. A toxic relationship might have taught us red flags to look out for or what we want in a partner. Carry these lessons to heart so you do not repeat them.

7. What Boundaries Do You Plan to Set With Your Next Partner?

Setting the right boundaries with a partner is a key component of a healthy relationship. What boundaries were not honored in your past relationship? How can you enforce and communicate your boundaries better?

8. Are You Letting Yourself Feel How You Want To?

There is no right or wrong way to feel during a divorce. Stop bottling up your emotions and allow yourself to process what you’re feeling.

9. If You Were to Write a Letter to Your Ex-partner, What Would it Say?

Some things are better left unsaid. There may be some hurtful things that come to mind about your partner. Vent it out without hurting others by writing it in your journal.

10. Write Every Negative Emotion You Feel and Why.

As mentioned, it’s important to vent out what you’re feeling. But it also helps to reflect on why.

If you’re angry, what parts of the relationship made you feel so? Are you sad because it’s over or sad because it happened?

11. How Would an Ideal Partner Treat You?

Jotting down these traits would be helpful when you are in your next relationship. We often overlook red flags during the honeymoon phase. Writing down what our ideal partner should be like helps us get a clearer picture of what we should look for.

12. What Did Your Partner Criticize the Most?

During arguments, our partners might say hurtful things about us. Was it true? If it is how can we make ourselves better.

If it’s not, determine what you can do to heal or move past it. Many people say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment. It isn’t fair to trap yourself in something your ex-partner said.

13. What are You Doing for Self-care Right Now?

It’s easy to succumb to stress during a divorce and let yourself go. That’s why you should always practice self-care. Write down self-care goals or what you are doing to pamper yourself during this time.

14. Name 3 Things You’re Grateful For

Studies show that writing things we are grateful for can help our mental health. During a divorce, it may become easy to have tunnel vision of negative thoughts.

Looking at other things in your life besides the divorce helps you fight this spiral.

Take a moment and look at the things you are grateful for. You could be grateful for your strength in leaving a toxic relationship. You can write about how grateful you are for your beautiful children.

You can name more than three things to be grateful for, or even begin with one if you are having a hard time. But practicing gratefulness will help you feel happier.

15. What Are Your Love Languages? How Do You Express Them?

Knowing your love language is important to building a healthy relationship. This allows you to better understand yourself and helps your new partner know the best way to love you.

16. What Regrets Do You Have?

Nobody is perfect. Reflecting back on things we regret isn’t only about regretting them. It’s also about holding ourselves accountable.

17. What Would a Healthy Relationship Look Like?

What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Is it about romantic dates, compromises, and surprises? Or is it being there in times you need it the most?

Defining a healthy relationship helps us have a blueprint of what to do in our next relationship.

18. What Were the Biggest Issues You Faced With Your Ex-partner?

Identify the biggest problems you had with your ex-partner. Were your fights avoidable? Could you have handled it better?

19. Do You Think True Love Exists?

Do you believe in soul mates? Does true love exist? Is love a choice or a commitment?

These are some of the things you need to think about when answering this question. Everyone has a different definition or belief of true love.

20. What’s Holding You Back?

If you know the kind of partner you want to have, what is holding you back? Determine how you can work on yourself so you can get the relationship you want.

Healing From a Past Relationship With a Divorce Journal

After a divorce, it’s normal to feel confused, angry, depressed, or even numb. All your emotions are valid, and it’s crucial to be able to understand them on your own. Try answering these prompts in your divorce journal and see if you can get a better understanding of yourself.

Are you co-parenting with your ex-partner? We have a way to make it easier on both parties. Contact us today.

Each year, more than 630,000 couples in America get divorced. This can be a very difficult time both emotionally and practically. After all, getting divorced requires a lot of logistical planning, especially if you have kids.

More than 1 million American children see their parents divorce each year. So your child isn’t alone in this experience. However, it is still incredibly important to handle this transition carefully. 

Organizing a custody schedule as soon as possible will create stability in your children’s life. Are you wondering how to organize a joint custody schedule in your blended family? Then you’re in the right place. 

Read on to find out our top tips for creating a co-parenting schedule that works for everyone.

Accept That Co-Parenting Can Be Difficult

The majority of parents don’t set out planning to separate. So this can be a very emotional and uncertain time. It is natural to feel concerned for your children and yourself. 

However, getting emotional while putting together a child custody schedule can work against you. Because of this, make sure you have a lot of support around you.

Trusted friends and family members can offer advice and give you room to vent about the process. No one is expecting you to find this easy, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Put Your Child’s Needs First in Your Custody Schedule 

No matter what has happened during your separation, you should always put your child’s needs first. This can be easier said than done. After all, it usually means that you get to spend less time with your children overall.

That said, your custody schedule is there to support your child’s relationship with both of their parents. So it should serve this. It should also support their individual needs and create stability in their life. 

During the process, it is important not to put your child on the spot. You shouldn’t ask them directly what they want. This can be emotionally stressful and might make them feel guilty for picking one parent over the other. 

However, you can ask them if they have any worries or concerns following the separation. This lets them share their wants and needs. It will also make them feel like they are being listened to and prioritized.

Look at Different Schedule Options 

A 50-50 custody schedule is not your only option when it comes to childcare. In fact, trying to split child custody down the middle can be very difficult.

This gets harder when you factor in your child’s other commitments, such as school and playdates. So you may want to consider different schedule options. 

Some parents alternate weeks with their children. Others use a 2-2-3 or 2-2-5 plan. These involve children spending: 

• Two days with each parent followed by 
• Three days with one parent or five days with one parent 

At the end of the week, the schedule flips. So each parent ends up getting seven days with their children every two weeks. However, in this arrangement, you never have to go longer than five days without seeing your child!

Other parents may not have the flexibility to manage this schedule. For example, your work schedule may make it difficult. In that case, you might alternate weekends with your children and have a family dinner once a week.

This really is about finding what works for you and your children. So make sure you prioritize that.

Set Aside Time to Communicate 

After a divorce or separation, you might want some time and space from your ex. However, this can mean that the only time you see them is when dropping off or collecting your kids.

This is not a good time to discuss child custody arrangements or anything else. In fact, these discussions should never happen in front of the children. 

Instead, set aside a time that works for you both and decide the best way to communicate. That way you can both come to the conversation with your thoughts prepared.

Pick Your Battles 

Co-parenting can be very difficult. While parenting, you and your spouse can present a united front to your children. However, after a separation, the dynamic can change a lot. 

The emotional fallout of your divorce might mean it is harder to call your ex out on certain behavior. So think carefully before picking up on an issue. 

Obviously, you and your ex need to be on the same page about certain issues, such as discipline. However, when it comes to the occasional late night or mistimed dessert, pick your battles. This will save you a lot of energy and can help things run more smoothly with your ex.

If you are concerned about a larger issue, set aside time to talk about this. It can also help to get support from a mediator for these conversations.

Stay Flexible and Review Your Arrangements 

Stability is incredibly important for children and can help them feel emotionally secure. So try to create a consistent schedule that you can stick to.

However, this doesn’t mean that you have to be totally rigid. A little flexibility from time to time won’t disturb your kids too much. And it can help your relationship with your ex. 

It is also important to check in on how well your schedule is working for everyone. Try to give it a month or so and then review your arrangements.

If they work, then that’s great! If not, it might be time to go back to the drawing board and adjust them.

Get Help Organizing Your Custody Exchange Schedule 

When it comes to putting together a custody schedule, there is no one-size-fits-all solution.

Instead, the most important thing is to put your children’s needs first. This may be challenging at times and can be very emotional. So make sure you have plenty of support around while you navigate life with your blended family. 

2houses is also here to provide practical support. Our calendars make it easy to access your schedule and communicate with your ex. Find out more and start your 14-day trial now!

When there is a history of emotional abuse between parents during the marriage, one parent often talks badly about the other after the divorce. This is a continuation of the marriage relationship. The hope is that the parent-child relationships don’t need to suffer. The hope is building kids’ resilience in two homes works more successfully than before.

At the same time, it is critical your children are raised in the awareness that emotional abuse exists. And they need to learn to be resilient in case they end up as recipients of emotional abuse by a parent or anyone in their lives. It is possible to navigate this dilemma without bad-mouthing your co-parent.

One Parent Talks Badly About the Other

It can be really challenging to not retaliate when one parent talks badly about the other. Although you may need to defend yourself against specific attacks when the other parent says things to your children, it is critical you do not retaliate by saying similar things about them.

Emotional harm between parents has negative impacts on you and your children. Of course, make an effort to protect your kids from any exposure to emotional harm. Act as a buffer against the negative consequences, and support them emotionally, so they can become resilient in the face of emotional abuse in whatever form. 

Building Kids’ Resilience in Two Homes

Children react differently to negative situations, so be mindful of how your children respond. Some show clear signs of distress and want to talk to you about it. Others are obviously upset but don’t want to talk to you. Remember, they are stuck in the middle and feel confused about what to do. Getting them some outside help can help them make the transition and build a foundation of greater resilience.

If you face a situation where one parent talks badly about the other, make sure your children get the help they need to understand what is happening and learn to protect themselves from long-term harm. Children need an opportunity to get support from group programs, therapy, or a counselor, so they can talk about their feelings outside of the family. When they discover that others have similar issues, they can talk more freely about their worries. Then they can find ways to become more resilient and make things better. Building your children’s resiliency empowers them to feel in control in difficult situations and helps them find their voice and feel heard.

Decrease Conflict with Better Communication with a Shared Family Calendar App

There may be nothing you can do directly if your ex is saying bad things about you. But you can take some indirect actions. A shared family calendar app provides a buffer for your communication and logistics. You can even have the children use the app to communicate with their other parent. This provides them with some additional protection, too. Consider recommending the 2houses shared family calendar app to your ex for logistical arrangements. This could be the first step to supporting your children as they develop more resilience in two homes.

Divorcing or divorced parents, as well as a child of separated parents, will know that divorce and separation is an incredibly challenging and emotionally turbulent time.

While an adult has life experience, perspective, and emotional insight, a child may feel as if their entire world is crumbling when their parents are undergoing separation.

The breakup of a family is an overwhelming roller-coaster ride of emotions. For a child, these emotions can be confusing, terrifying, and just plain exhausting. They likely feel shocked, sad, anxious, and, in some cases, guilty.

Navigating separation as a parent is never an easy process.

Fortunately, there are a number of steps that you can take to make your child feel heard, appreciated, loved, and safe.

Remember that a little effort goes a long way when supporting the emotional journey of your child during a separation or divorce. 

We’re here to offer advice on how you can reduce the emotional toll and help your children move forward too.

Be Intentional About Your Communication

As applies to most uncomfortable or emotionally charged situations, you should remain mindful with regards to the ways you choose to express yourself. You also need to be very aware of what information you choose to relay and where and when you will do this.

This intentionality should be implemented from the very beginning. When you tell your child(ren) that you are separating, it’s ideal if both parents are present. Depending on the age of your child, you should strike a balance between honesty and restraint when explaining the reasons for your separation.

Furthermore, this applies to your communication throughout, and even after, the process of separation. Speak about difficult information and negotiate practicalities in a safe and private space and at an appropriate time. Maintain a gentle and supportive tone and, if they are willing, encourage them to engage equally in the dialogue.

Remind Them That You Still Love Them

While you know in your heart of hearts that you love your child unconditionally and eternally, they might lose sight of this fact in the midst of your separation or divorce. Make sure that you express your love through both words and actions.

Furthermore, this expression of emotional tenderness shows them that it is okay to be emotionally vulnerable, compassionate, and honest.

Investing energy into the expression of your love for your children will do wonders for their sense of security and self-confidence.

Reassure Them They Are Not to Blame

A child, particularly a younger child, may feel that a parent’s separation is their fault. They tend to think that divorce is a symptom of a lack of love for them. While you know this is not at all the case, they might need some reassurance.

Communicate, in a gentle manner, that your separation is an adult issue. There is absolutely nothing they could have done to negatively influence or prevent the outcome.

Although it is hard, this also cements the notion that your divorce is final. They can then begin to grieve and commence the slow yet necessary journey towards acceptance.

Encourage Your Child to Speak About Their Emotions

As adults with life experience, we have come to learn that speaking about our feelings is one of the most cathartic and therapeutic means of processing and moving beyond emotional issues and events.

If you have a younger child, they likely do not have the vocabulary nor the emotional faculties to grapple with the complex combination of sadness, anger, anxiety, and dread.

You are, however, able to support them as they learn how to speak about what they are experiencing.

Remember to lead by example, hence the first point about intentional communication, and let them know that emotional vulnerability is safe, courageous, and healthy.

Be As Honest As Reasonably Possible

Even if your child is relatively young, they are likely more perceptive than they might let on.

If tensions are brewing beneath the surface, they will almost certainly pick up on the fact that something is off.

Maintaining an honest channel of communication prevents the unfortunate possibility that they may internalize tensions and, without fair cause or reason, feel that they are to blame for this unhappiness.

Naturally, it’s not always appropriate to be completely transparent about everything that has contributed to your separation, nor the specifics of what your divorce will entail. Use your own judgement to differentiate what is helpful from what is hurtful when communicating with your child.

Do Not Bad-Mouth the Other Parent

This is immensely important.

As tempting as it may be in a moment of passionate anger, do not burden your children with the weight of your own frustration and hurt. It will inevitably pressure them into feeling that they must pick a side and remain exclusively loyal to that one parent.

A child, no matter how young or old, should never have to feel that their love and appreciation for a parent comes at the cost of a poor relationship with the other.

Respect the fact that, at the end of the day, your child has two parents. They have the autonomy to determine what form their relationship with both will take without excessive external influence.

Do Not Communicate with the Other Parent Through Your Child

This is one of the most common mistakes made by parents who are going through a divorce. If your separation has been a bitter and unempathetic one, speaking directly to your ex-partner might be the last thing you wish to do. It is, however, of paramount importance that you remain aware of the fact that you are the parent in the situation, and you need to take responsibility.

Speak directly to your child’s other parent instead of putting them in the highly uncomfortable position of the messenger. They are probably anxious enough as it is. Enforcing unfair responsibilities on them will only encroach upon their ability to emotionally process the events.

Encourage Gentle Transitions

Moving between parents in the initial stages of a separation can be one of the most anxiety-inducing experiences for a child. As much as we acknowledge that saying goodbye is challenging for you too, try to support moments of peaceful transition between homes.

Help them gather what they want to take ahead of time, so as to alleviate stress. Reassure them that you will be seeing them soon, and you are just a phone call away if they need to speak to you.

That said, give them the necessary space with their other parent while they are away. When they return home, resist the urge to bombard them with questions about your ex or their time there. They likely need a moment to settle in and rest.

Seek Professional Assistance

For some reason, many families seem to feel that seeking professional help is a sign of failure or weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Family counsellors and therapists are the most effective means of working through the emotional turmoil —both individually and collectively.

If you’re finding that communication between yourself and your child is strained or non-existent, a therapist can be an excellent mediator of constructive conversation. In this safe and neutral space, you can gain valuable insight into your child’s emotional state and needs.

If you have the available resources, encourage your child to speak to a professional counsellor— preferably one that specializes in family troubles and divorce.

This process will consolidate, validate, and work through their emotions whilst equipping them with the necessary vocabulary to unpack and work through whatever they may be feeling.

Routines Could be Comforting

Naturally, there are several rather dramatic changes occurring in the life of both you and your children.

During this chaos that is an inevitable by-product of the process of separation or divorce, a bit of structure is comforting and oftentimes, absolutely necessary.

Try to establish some routines at home. However big or small, this stability is immensely comforting to a child who feels their world has been turned upside down.

Furthermore, if your child is moving between your house and the house of their other parent, try to structure this in a way that suits everyone as best as possible.

Knowing when they will be staying where helps them to mentally prepare. It also allows them to feel that their feelings and priorities are considered. 

Patience is Key

We feel complete empathy for the fact that when children are involved, separation or divorce is an emotionally grueling and utterly exhausting process.

There may be days where you feel nothing will ever be easy or joyful again. Trust us when we say that happier days are on the horizon. In time, you will move on, and even start dating again. Your children will acclimatize, and a new sense of normalcy will establish itself. It’s just how you handle the transition and equip them to handle the way forward that counts.

In the end, you will be so grateful that you were intentional about the ways that you chose to support your children’s emotional journey throughout the separation process—albeit a demanding endeavor.

This practice of patience should apply to your children as well as yourself. You deserve the space to validate your own frustration, sadness, and fear. Have faith that it only gets easier with time.

While engaged in an emotional affair, the spouse usually retracts emotional closeness from the marriage to give it to someone else. As a matter of fact, for women, rapid emotional distancing is a crucial signal of an emotional affair. The majority of people are unable to express the same amount of romantic passion to different individuals. However, if you ask people about their feelings about the wrongness of emotional cheating, the vast majority will agree that it is very hurtful.

According to one survey, 60 percent of individuals considered emotional affairs to be the same as cheating. Only 18 percent of those who took part in the survey disagreed. In general, people still believe that being faithful to one-person means being true to themselves, both physically and spiritually. This is especially true in the case of marital relationships. 40 percent more likely to be separated or divorced after getting cheated by their partner.

Divorce can be extremely painful even when the relationship is no longer good since it marks the loss of your partnership and the dreams and commitments that you shared with your significant other. Things start on a high note of enthusiasm and anticipation for the future when it comes to romantic relationships. When a relationship does not work out, we are filled with deep sadness, frustration, and despair.

When you have a breakup or divorce, you are thrust into uncharted territory. All of your routines and obligations, your house, your connections with extended family and friends, and even your identity have been thrown off balance by this event. Uncertainty about the future is another side effect of a divorce. What would your life be like if you didn’t have a partner? Will you find another person? Will you be alone? These unknowns may sometimes feel worse than being in an unpleasant relationship, making it difficult to cope.

Recovery after a divorce can be tough and time-consuming due to the pain, disruption, and uncertainty. Keep reminding yourself that you will get through this tough experience and that you will be able to move on with a fresh feeling of hope and optimism. In this guide, we will explain how to tell kids about divorce and not hate the other parent who was cheating.

How to tell kids about the divorce

Once upon a time, two thoughtful parents sat their preschooler down to inform him of their upcoming separation. It was done carefully and softly, but they explained to him that his parents were no longer living together and would now be living in separate places, but that he would still be seeing both of them on a regular basis.

They concluded by emphasizing the most crucial element: that both his mother and father still loved him, and they asked if he had any questions. The four-year-old was deafeningly quiet. “Who’s going to look after me?” he said after that.

It’s a short narrative, told by Joan B. Kelly, a California psychologist, mediator, and author, that gives a glimpse into the disparities in the experiences of adults and children going through a divorce. These parents had done all that was expected of them. They’d sought expert counsel and attempted to provide their kid with the necessary facts without overloading him with too much information. Despite this, they could not communicate this critical point, which may have been obvious to them but was not to him.

Adults see divorce for what it is: a complicated, multi-faceted circumstance. Early on, young infants have a tendency to see the world in concrete and self-centered ways. Understanding where your children are at in their development will help you in assisting them in adjusting to the realities of divorce. Below we have discussed how to tell your teenager you are separating.

The two-year-old and ten-year-old children react differently to the news of their parent’s separation. Here’s a guide on how to explain divorce to a child of any age.

How to tell 0-5 years old kids about divorce:

Babies and toddlers

• Dependence on parents or caretakers.
• A lack of capacity to comprehend complicated events.
• An inability to foresee future scenarios.
• An inability to understand their own emotions.

Preschoolers

• He or she is starting to gain independence but is still very reliant on others.
• Limited capacity to comprehend cause and effect relationships, yet unable to anticipate the future.
• They believe that the world revolves around them and that the boundary between fantasy and reality is occasionally blurred.
• Possess some capacity to think about sentiments but a very limited ability to express them verbally.

How to explain divorce to a child

When Nicholas Benson and his wife, Lisa, divorced last autumn, their two children, Andrew, six, and Caitlyn, four, were already used to spending most of their time with their father since Mom’s profession required her to be away from home for more than a few days a month. It took Caitlyn time to adjust to Lisa’s decision to leave their home in Milton, Ont., since she had grown up in the house. When the children returned home following their first-weekend stay with their mother, Caitlyn exclaimed, “Mommy home?” despite the fact that they had only just left her house. Caitlyn will need time and many basic explanations before she is able to comprehend what is being said.

What to keep an eye out for: Fear, rage, and emotional instability are common signs of discomfort among preschoolers, and they may manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including clinginess, anxiety, whininess, and overall irritability. Preschoolers may also lag in terms of developmental progress. For example, toddlers who were previously sleeping through the night may start to wake up more often.

According to Rhonda Freeman, manager of Families in Transition, a Toronto’s Family Services Association program, children as young as three and four years old might develop incorrect views about the causes and consequences of divorce because of their poor cognitive abilities. They could think ‘Dad abandoned me’ rather than ‘Dad left Mom’ if their father is the one who leaves the house, according to her. Children must realize that the choice to live apart is an adult one, says the author. The fact that toddlers have difficulties comprehending this.

Priorities for parents separating with kids

Children benefit from consistent care and nurturing because it provides them with a feeling of security and comfort. As a result, tots’ lives must be anchored as much as possible by their typical routines (meals, play, bath, bed) in the presence of a parent who is “there for them.” This is, of course, necessary for all children, but it is particularly crucial for children whose parents have divorced. If things aren’t going well at home, preteens and teenagers may get away by hanging out with their friends, says Joan Kelly. Baby, toddler, and preschoolers are not able to do so.

Preschoolers want straightforward, tangible explanations. Keep it simple: which parent will be leaving, where the kid will live, who will care for him, and how frequently he will see the other parent are the only things that need to be discussed. Prepare yourself for questions; provide concise answers, and then wait to see if there is anything more. Don’t anticipate a single conversation to accomplish the task; instead, prepare for a series of brief conversations.

How to tell 6-11 years old kids about divorce

Children between the ages of 6 and 8

• A little more capacity to think about and express emotions.
• A wider, less egocentric vision of what is happening around them, but still a limited comprehension of complex situations such as divorce.
• A little more ability to think about and express feelings.
• Increasing the number of relationships outside the household (friends and school).

Children between the ages of 9 and 11

• At this age, relationships with others outside the family (friends, teachers, coaches) are more established and play a larger role in determining how the kid spends his or her time.
• He or she has a tendency to view things in black and white and may put the blame for the divorce.

How to explain divorce to a child

Erica Hallman of Toronto remembers her daughter Jessica, who was in kindergarten at the time, struggling to comprehend the reasons for her parents’ divorce. She once asked me, ‘Why are you fighting?’  What is the reason for this? Has he removed anything from your computer? This was a simple miscommunication that was easily resolved. The divorce was triggered by Dad accidentally deleting something from Mom’s computer, and they exchanged furious words as a result. However, this was not the reason for the divorce.

What to keep an eye out for: The distress of school-aged children may manifest itself in the form of fear, worry, anger, or grief, with others displaying more obvious indications of missing their absent parent. This is the worst age for divorce for children.

According to Freeman, children who believe that they may be able to get their parents back together feel that they are responsible for the divorce. Because of this, children must realize that those are adult choices that they did not create and are unable to influence. There are many books available about divorce that can also help kids focus on their feelings. Those books may not be available in your region or price higher in your state, so you can use VPN for iOS to download that book. You can try VeePN’s VPN app for iPhone to get useful information and get care about your kid.

How to tell 12-14 years old kids about divorce

• Increased ability to comprehend issues pertaining to divorce; ability to participate in conversations and ask questions to understand better.
• Initiating feelings to desire more independence.
• The importance of relationships outside of the family is growing.

How to explain divorce to a child

When Eve Mirowski’s children were 10 and 12 years old, she was going through a divorce from her alcoholic husband. The situation had become so terrible that the judge ordered both parents not to speak about the court proceedings for a period of time after that. It’s hard to protect children from this sort of conflict completely, but Mirowski did all she could to protect them. “I simply wanted to make our house a secure haven for our family.

Mealtimes were set at regular mealtime and bedtime, and my husband was never allowed to enter the home. The evening before I left the boys to go out, I grabbed my cell phone and told them they could contact me whenever they wanted.” And they did call on a regular basis. She recalls how her oldest son, Joe, starts getting headaches and trouble sleeping after a period of time. “I was concerned that, given my stress, I wouldn’t be able to provide him with the necessary coping skills on my own, so I asked for help.” Joe started attending a therapist, who was able to provide him with help.

What to keep an eye out for: Irritability and anger are prevalent, directed towards either parent or at the parent who has moved out. It might be difficult to determine how much of a young teen’s irritation is caused by the parent’s divorce. According to Freeman, “Think about separating with kids and how their behavior or moods have changed.”

Priorities for parents separating with kids

Keeping lines of communication open reduces the chances that emotional problems may slip through the gaps. Getting through to children in this age group may be difficult, and they may even behave as if they do not want to be reached. However, the majority of teenagers and preteens still need and want contact with their parents. “I’ve heard from a lot of children over the years who said they were testing their parents to see whether they actually cared,” said Freeman.

What to do next?

After divorce, parenting will be a difficult task. So, you have to consider these practices for a better future for your children.

Communication channels must be open all the time

Take your children out to dinner once a week without your new spouse. If they refuse to engage in conversation with you, do not force the issue.  Your children will know that you are not willing to give up since your connection with them is priceless as a result of your actions. During the week, write letters or send SMS to your children to maintain a line of contact between you and them. Your continued presence and interest in them demonstrate that you are committed to developing a connection with them.

Good Parenting

It isn’t easy to maintain good parenting practices when you are mourning the loss of a relationship and focused on lawyers and court dates. Make every effort to keep adult difficulties distinct from your interactions with your children, and seek outside assistance, such as counseling, if you need it.

Don’t take your children’s rage or cruel actions personally

It’s possible that your children are terrified of losing you as a parent. Anger often serves to conceal feelings of fear. If your kid is old enough to refuse to counsel, you should attend the session by yourself to learn how to cope with the problem in a positive manner. Allow yourself to be the catalyst for good changes in your relationship.