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Parental Alienation is defined as the deliberate attempt by one parent to distance his/her children from the other parent.

An example would be the mother who shares too much information about the father’s affair with the children in a covert attempt to cause the children to harbor ill will toward the father.

A mother or father may wish to alienate the children to pay back for the pain experienced due to an unwanted divorce. They may attempt to alienate the children due to mental illness that keeps the parent from putting her/his children’s best interest before their own. Thereasons parents participate in Parental Alienation are numerous and costly.

On the other hand, estrangement follows multiple conflicts and blowouts between parent and child, says relationship expert Irina Firstein. “There are extremely hurt feelings,” she says. “There are feelings of betrayal and of disappointment.”

The father who leaves the family for another woman, neglects time with his children and dismisses the harm done to his children is likely to become estranged from them. It is fair to say that no one responds positively to poor treatment, least of all children.

PAS results from a parent actively working at causing hard feelings between a child and parent. Estrangement results from a parent behaving badly toward his/her children which, in return causes the children to cut off contact.

It isn’t uncommon for a parent who is estranged from his/her children to blame the other parent of PAS. It is easier to blame others for bad behavior than to accept and acknowledge bad behavior.

How does one tell the difference between a parent who is a victim of PAS and one that is estranged due to bad behavior?

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By Cathy Meyer, About.com Guide

As time passes after your divorce, it’s very likely that you’ll meet someone who becomes an important part of your life and you start considering a future with. This also means introducing the new partner to your children. When and how you approach this can mean the difference between a mess and an easier incorporation. Here are some tips to help the introductions go smoothly.

The When

1. Be Honest With Yourself

When you’re considering whether or not to introduce a new romantic partner to your children, it’s important to take an honest look at the relationship and where it’s likely heading. If you’re just having fun and enjoying the person’s company but you know there’s not really long-term potential there, it’s probably best to leave the kids out of it.

2. Talk With the New Person First

If you’re ready to introduce a potential new spouse to your kids, it’s a good idea to talk to that person first. Even if your children like this person, they may still have some negative emotions and thoughts about someone new taking such a permanent place in your life. It’s not uncommon for children to feel like they’re being replaced by a “new family” or to feel a new wave of emotions at the finality of Mom and Dad not getting back together.

3. Give Your Ex a Heads Up

You certainly don’t have to give your ex every detail of your love life after divorce. But if things are serious enough you’re considering introductions to your children, it’s a courtesy to let your ex know. Your children are almost definitely going to bring this up during their time with the other parent. Having already discussed it beforehand can make sure you and your ex-spouse are on the same page for how to present this new change and handle the children’s responses. If you’re uncomfortable — or just too busy — having the conversation face-to-face, using the messaging feature on 2houses lets you fit this conversation into your schedule. It also gives you the chance to spend some time drafting and rewriting your message so there aren’t any miscommunications or issues.

The How

1. Consider the Timing

While it’s sometimes hard to remember with our responsibility-filled adult lives, children have stress too. Introducing a new partner to your children when they’ve had a long day of school and activities and hungry and past bedtime, probably isn’t going to go over well. Try to choose a time where they’re relaxed, well rested and fed and in a good mood.

2. Go for Neutral Ground

Introducing someone new to your kids in their home can be a little bit too much to handle. It can feel like this person is already encroaching on their space and relationship with you. Instead, consider doing the meet-and-greet somewhere like a playground or kid-friendly restaurant where the kids can escape to their own space if they need to.

3. Follow Up With Them Afterward

Even if the introduction went better than you could have hoped, it’s still a good idea to check in on the kids by yourself. They might have some thoughts or emotions they need to express they don’t feel comfortable sharing with the other person present. Doing this also ensures the children know you’re still putting their feelings first.

No matter how well introducing a new partner to your children seem to go, remember to go slow and give it time. Adding someone into the family dynamic means adjustments for everyone. Keeping the lines of communication open between your children, your new partner and your co-parent can go a long way to smoothing the transition.

When co-parents decide to end their relationship, it is not always easy to know how to tell the children. For families, the divorce process involves an ongoing conversation. The adjustment period for adults and children is uncharted territory and won’t be without bumps along the way.

Several authors have tried to make the transition easier with guides to talking to your kids about divorce. Suitable for a variety of ages, these volumes give you and your children some ways to deal with the emotions that come with a change to their way of life. You can read many of these with your kids. Or offer them as a resource to your children while they begin to make sense of these changes.

“Dinosaurs Divorce” by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (1988)

It can be tough for preschoolers and very young children to understand divorce, especially if they don’t know anyone else who’s going through it. In “Dinosaurs Divorce,” the prehistoric character is navigating the same territory as the child. The young dinosaur talks about some things that may happen after divorce, such as around the holidays and when living arrangements change.

“Two Homes” by Claire Masurel (2003)

The concept behind “Two Homes” is pretty simple: a seven-year-old boy figures that, with his parents living separately, he will have more of everything he loves. Two places to call home, two bedrooms, two kitchens and with family always nearby. This takes a positive approach to new living arrangements in order for kids to gain a different perspective on what can be a difficult period of time.

“Divorce Is Not the End of the World” by Zoe and Evan Stern (2008)

This book, aimed at older children over the age of about eight, was written by teenagers who have experienced divorce. It is practical as well as sensitive, addressing common emotions kids go through during transition. It talks about how day-to-day life might change, with the introduction of step-siblings and stepparents, and homes with different rules.

“A Smart Girl’s Guide to Her Parents’ Divorce” by Nancy Holyoke (2009)

Laid out a bit like a workbook, the “Smart Girl’s Guide” acknowledges that life can change many times for the child of divorce. There is often the initial separation, then remarriage. Packed with advice from other preteens, the book also makes learning fun with quizzes and easy-to-understand tips. Check out the “Girl’s Bill of Rights” that’s included as a handy cut-out.

“It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear” by Vicki Lansky (1997)

As is evidenced by the title, “Koko Bear” is about dealing with the emotions of divorce. Written for three to seven-year-olds who may not yet be used to expressing how they feel. The book is as much a guide for parents as children. With this volume, you can help pinpoint what your child is feeling and help them to recognize and address those emotions in themselves.

Divorce is often a challenging transition for parents and children. It’s an uncertain time that comes with many unknowns. For children who desire a sense of security and predictability, it may be particularly stressful. These books are designed to help open the lines of communication so children know that no matter what happens, their parents have their well-being as their top priority.