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Having high self-esteem is something that everyone needs, but something that is not necessarily easy to come by. Children especially need help developing high self-esteem, because low self-esteem can manifest into problems such as depression, eating disorders and, in extreme cases, even suicide. As a parent, one of your many jobs relating to your child is to help build up your child’s self-esteem. It’s important to really listen to your child and value what he is saying. You also want to avoid criticizing or belittling your child, as this can lay the groundwork for low self-esteem. Teach by example; by showing your child that you have strong self-esteem you can pave the way for him to follow in your footsteps. These 20 blog articles will give you the tools you need to help improve your child’s self-esteem.

Techniques

Showing pride in your child’s accomplishments will help him feel pride in himself. Listen and respect your child when he’s talking to you, just as you would want him to respect you when you are talking. Empower your child by giving him choices and letting him run with whatever he chooses.  These five blog posts will explain different techniques that can help you improve your child’s self-esteem.

• How to Improve a Child’s Self-Esteem You’ll find advice and suggestions on how to help improve your child’s self-esteem in this post.
• Self-Esteem in Children: Are You Damaging Your Children’s Self-Esteem? Ask yourself the questions posed in this blog post to see if you need to make a change in your behavior.
• How to Improve Your Child’s Self-Esteem Follow this list of techniques to help your child improve how he sees himself.
• Stop and Listen to Children Show your child respect and he will respect himself.
• How Parents Can Improve Their Child’s Self-Esteem? Praise your child and make sure you give him choices so that he feels empowered.

ADHD

When a child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) he may feel like there is something wrong with him when he compares himself to his peers.  As a parent, it’s important that you help your child see his ADHD in a positive way. This is another opportunity to lead by example. Learn more about how to improve the self-esteem of children with ADHD through these five posts.

• Enhancing Self-Esteem of Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder It’s not unusual for a child with ADHD to compare himself to his classmates. These comparisons can make him feel poorly, so it’s important to learn what you can do to change those feelings.
• Best Sports for Kids with ADHD Excelling in sports can improve your child’s self-esteem, as noted in this post.
• Kids and ADHD Often kids with ADHD feel that they are broken; the important task for the parent is to turn ADHD into a strength instead of a defect.
• 10 Ways Pets Improve Your Health Taking care of a pet will help a child with ADHD to be more responsible, and the love of the pet will improve his self-esteem.
• Your Brain is a Ferrari Help your child understand that his brain is a gift. When he understands that, he will be better able to work with it, allowing him to go much farther in life.

Social Skills

Children with low self-esteem often isolate themselves, which makes the situation worse. Because of this, it’s important that you help your child improve his social skills and make some friends.  Having friends will give him a better outlook on life, which will help his self-esteem improve. For more tips like these, look at these five blog posts.

• Improving a Child’s Social Skills Teaching your child how to make and keep friends will help improve self-esteem.
• Self-Esteem and Social Competence of the Adopted Child The relationship a child has with his father and his mother are important for different social reasons.
• Getting Sporty By getting involved in sports, your child will learn social skills. This can, in turn, help improve his self-esteem.
• 10 Reasons to Add a Pet to the Family this Summer There are many benefits that stem from taking care of a pet, which can help your child improve his self-esteem.
• Is My Child in Danger of Becoming a Bully Bullies often have a low self-esteem; you’ll want to watch for the warning signs outlined in this post to make sure that your child isn’t a potential bully.

Teenagers

The teenage years are formative years that can be very difficult for teenagers to navigate through. Teens are often unkind to each other, and your self-esteem can suffer when you are the one being ignored or talked.  As a parent, it’s important that you keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Try not to judge when your teen tells you what is going on with her.  Take a look at these five blog articles to read more about what you can do to help improve your teenager’s self-esteem.

• Four Helpful Thoughts for Kids & Teens to Build Self-Esteem By teaching your child to reframe negative self-talk, their self-esteem should improve.
• Improve Self-Esteem in Teenagers Sometimes self-esteem can be improved simply by spending more time with your teenager.
• Self-Esteem Building for Teens: Summer Activities Staying active and taking part in certain activities can help improve your teen’s self-esteem.
• Improving Your Teenager’s Self-Esteem With all of the changes that occur during the teenager years, it can be a difficult time to navigate through. Learning to deal with these changes can help with self-esteem.
• Improving Your Child’s Self-Esteem Through Exercise Regular exercise can improve self-image, which can go a long way to improving self-esteem.

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Follow these guidelines to make the transition of divorce and the process of family restructuring and rebuilding easier for you and your children.

1. Divorced but still co-parents

If you have not done so already, call a truce with your Ex. (Note: Your Ex does not have to take the same action.) Divorced parents can succeed at co-parenting. That success may not begin with harmony but, at a minimum, a ceasefire is necessary.

2. You are stuck with each other forever

One day, you will be Grandma and Grandpa to the same babies. And when these babies are grown they will repeat the stories that they heard about Grandma and Grandpa. This will be your legacy. How do you want to be depicted?

3. Divorce creates a breakdown of trust and communication

Accept this and work towards rebuilding trust and communication with the other parent, even if it feels like you are doing all of the work. And, be patient, emotional wounds need time to heal.

4. Establish a business relationship with your former spouse

The business is the co-parenting of your children. Business relationships are based on mutual gain. Emotional attachments and expectations don’t work in business. Instead, in a successful business communication is up-front and direct, appointments are scheduled, meetings take place, agendas are provided, discussions focus on the business at hand, everyone is polite, formal courtesies are observed, and agreements are explicit, clear, and written. You do not need to like the people you do business with but you do need to put negative feelings aside in order to conduct business. Relating in a business-like way with your former spouse may feel strange and awkward at first so if you catch yourself behaving in an unbusiness-like way, end the conversation and continue the discussion at another time.

5. There are at least two versions to every story

Your child may attempt to slant the facts in a way that gives you what she thinks you want to hear. So give the other parent the benefit of the doubt when your child reports on extraordinary discipline and/or rewards.

6. Confirm your decisions with your ex-spouse

Do not suggest possible plans or make arrangements directly with pre-adolescent children. And, always confirm any arrangements you have discussed with an older child with the other parent ASAP.

7. Make a soft transition for the wellbeing of the children

The transition between Mom’s house and Dad’s house is often difficult. Be sure to have your children clean, fed, ready to go, and in possession of all of their paraphernalia when its time to make the switch. Better yet, if possible avoid the dreaded switch by structuring your time sharing so that weekends start Friday after school and end with school drop-off on Monday morning.

8. Make sure that your child maintains communication with his other parent

Do not screen calls from the other parent or limit telephone contact between your child and the other parent. Instead, ensure that your child is available to speak to the other parent when s/he is on the telephone.

9. Do not discuss adults subjects with your children

Do not discuss the divorce, finances, or other adult subjects with your children. Likewise, avoid saying anything negative about other parent and his/her family and friends to your children.

10. Be careful when talking in front of your child

Children are always listening – especially when you think they’re not. So, avoid discussions regarding the divorce, finances, the other parent, and other adult subjects when your children are within earshot.

11. Your children can read your emotions

Avoid using body language, facial expressions or other subtleties to express negative thoughts and emotions about the other parent. Your child can read you!

12. Stay positive

You can discuss your feelings with your children to the extent that they can understand them. But, if you let your child know that you are terrified of the future, your child will be terrified too. Instead, keep a balanced emotional perspective that focuses on the difference between feelings and facts.

13. Do not use your child as a courier

Do not use your child as a courier for messages or money.

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Whether they are into t-rexes, fossils or the Land Before Time, most kids go through a dinosaur phase. With these exciting crafts and action packed activities, your child and their friends can have a great time romping, stomping, and roaring at a dinosaur themed birthday party.

Dino Tail Obstacle Course

Dinosaurs are known for their massive tails. In this game, your kid will see just how cumbersome they could be. To get started, you will need to mark off a path about 25 feet long and 6 feet wide. This will become an obstacle course full of objects that can easily be tipped over. For example you can arrange a bunch of empty water bottles with green paper wrapped around them as a “forest”. Or a “mountain” made out of shoeboxes standing on their side. One thing to be careful of is that the obstacle course can be set up quickly – at least a couple of objects will need to be stood back up almost every time someone goes through. The other thing you will need is a pool noodle that you can turn into a “dinosaur tail” by attaching the end of it to a child-sized belt so the end of it drags along the ground.

Divide the kids into two teams, both of which should pick dinosaur names for their groups. Then, they can take turns going through the obstacle course with the dinosaur tail strapped onto them. The catch is that they are not allowed to knock anything over, or touch their tail with their hands. Whenever a player gets through the course, that team gets 5 points. However, for each object a team member knocks over with their tail, they lose a point. To make the game more exciting, add a time limit, like 45 seconds. If the person does not finish the course in this time, they lose points for whatever they knocked over, and do not get any points for completing the course. After everyone has gone through three times, tally up the scores and see which team is the winner.

Capture the Egg

This activity is a little like capture the flag, except with some prehistoric differences. Divide an open area, like a park, into two sides. On each side, the teams should craft four “volcanoes” by piling salt dough (there are plenty of easy online recipes), dirt, clay, sand, or another similar substance around an opened but full, small bottle of Diet Coke – just make sure the mouth of the bottle sticks out. Next, each team will get a “dinosaur egg” (you can use something like a soccer ball, or actually make a dinosaur egg out of paper mache beforehand) they should put in the furthest corner of their area. Mark off an area of about 10×10 feet around each of the volcanoes and the egg; this will be a safe zone where people cannot be tagged. Then give each team a few packets of Mentos candy – just make sure they don’t eat it all. The objective of the game is for someone to steal the egg from the opposing team, and bring it back to his or her own side. However, whenever the other team tags someone in their territory, that person is out.

There are two ways to get back into the game after being tagged; if someone steals the opponent’s egg, the game restarts and everyone is back in from both sides. The other way to get back in is for a teammate to erupt one of the opposing team’s volcanoes without getting tagged. This can be done by dropping a piece of Mentos candy into the soda bottle to make it foam up and erupt. Whenever this happens the captured people from the team that set off the volcano are back in the game. One thing for the kids to keep in mind is that each volcano can only be erupted one time, so they should split them up between games. Each time a team wins, they earn 15 points. Each time they lose, they lose 5 points. The game ends after three rounds.

Extinction Tug of War

Many dinosaurs had voracious appetites and amazing strength. This game is great because it combines both, and all you need to set it up is a rope and some “pterodactyl” chicken wings. The Extinction Tug of War takes place near over one of the volcanoes from Capture the Egg. The two teams stand on either side of volcano with a rope between them and then pull against each other. If someone gets pulled over the volcano, they have fallen into hot lava are extinct until they can gobble down one of the pterodactyl wings. As soon as they do this, they are back in. Kids will love pulling and sliding each other around and over the volcano, and then racing off to chow on wings as soon as they are out. The game ends when every member of the team has become extinct, whether it is because they were overpowered, or just could not eat fast enough. They can play for three rounds, where they’ll receive 15 points for winning and a 5 point penalty for losing.

After treading carefully through the obstacle course, running around stealing eggs and exploding volcanoes, and a battle of brute force, the kids should be tired from a long day of dinosaur activities. The winning team can get the first slices of the birthday cake – after the birthday boy or girl of course. Then the children can change into their kids footed pajamas and settle down with a movie like Ice Age or the Land Before time.

 

Dividing the family’s property during divorce can be quite difficult, especially if there are significant assets such as houses, rental property, retirement and pension plans, stock options, restricted stock, deferred compensation, brokerage accounts, closely-held businesses, professional practices and licenses, etc.Deciding who should get what can be quite a challenge, even under the most amenable of situations. But, if your divorce is contentious, then this can be especially complicated.

Differences between separate and marital property

Assets should not necessarily be divided simply based on their current dollar value. You need to understand which assets will be best for your short- and long-term financial security. This is not always easy to discern without a thorough understanding of the asset itself – its liquidity, cost basis and any tax implications associated with its sale.

However, before we go any further, we need to discuss the differences between separate and arital Property and why that’s critically important to you. In my experience, this is an area that is not well understood by most people.

Separate property

States differ in some of the details, but generally speaking, separate property includes:

• Any property that was owned by either spouse prior to the marriage;

• An inheritance received by the husband or wife (either before or after the marriage);

• A gift received by the husband or wife from a third party (your mother gave you her diamond ring);

• Payment received for pain and suffering portion in a personal injury judgment

Warning: Separate property can lose its separate property status if you commingle it with marital property or vice versa. For example, if you re-title your separately owned condo by adding your husband as a co-owner or if you deposit the inheritance from your parents into a joint bank account with him, then that property will most likely now be considered marital property.

Marital property

All other property that is acquired during the marriage is usually considered marital property regardless of which spouse owns the property or how the property is titled. Most people don’t understand this. I’ve had many clients tell me that they were not entitled to a specific asset, because it was titled in their husband’s name – such as his 401K. This is not true! This point is worth repeating because it is that important. All property that is acquired during the marriage is usually considered marital property regardless of which spouse owns the property or how that property is titled.

(State laws vary greatly, especially between Community Property & Equitable Distribution States, so please consult with your divorce attorney).

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All stepfamilies come with challenges – the combining of different households and family cultures, the weekend visitations, the dealing with exes, the confusion that the children feel in trying to make sense not only of the divorce, but now this new parent and stepbrothers and sisters that they didn’t ask for. The stress can take its toll. It comes as no surprise, perhaps, that the struggles between stepparents and stepchildren are one of the primary causes of second divorces. The move from divorce to singlehood to stepfamily certainly requires time and patience, but like most life transitions also benefits from some awareness and skill. Here are the most common mistakes you want to avoid:

Disciplining too soon

One of the big, yet easy, mistakes that a lot of new stepparents make is stepping in a disciplinarian too soon. While the intentions may be good, the kids are likely to show resentment, rather than respect – the proverbial “You’re not my father!”

This is particularly true for teens who are likely to see the stepparent as nothing more than another authority telling him what to do. The antidote to a child or teen’s resistance is a supportive relationship. Hold back and develop a connection before taking any disciplinarian role. If your partner needs support, be the sideline coach or sounding board, but let him or her take the lead. Once a strong trusting relationship is established, gradually step up the discipline.

Nurture first, discipline second.

Failing to develop individual relationships.

Each child in a family will have a different response to a stepparent – one child quickly warming up, while another remains aloof. Children who are particularly close to the other natural parent may hold back, believing that they become close to the stepparent they are in some way being disloyal.

The way around this emotional quagmire is remaining patient while at the same time initiating one-on-one activities. Choose places and activities – movies, picking up a pizza, playing cards or legos – that offer comfortable distractions to break any awkwardness, yet allow you to step out of your “parent” role, and give you both an opportunity to engage and enjoy each other’s company. Whenever the child talks, be quiet and listen. If the mood seems right throw out quick, one-liner questions – “It seems like you are not excited about coming here some weekends. How come? Is it hard to move between two houses?” – and see what happens next.

What’s likely to happen next is not much – a “It’s okay” or grunt, though you might be surprised. Whether the child or teen talks about themselves or not is less important than your showing an interest in his world, and by casually bringing up topics letting him know what type of things can be talked about.

Build your stepfamily one relationship at a time.

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From Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W., for Psychologytoday.com
Photo by John Edwards 2008