Month: April 2013

Follow these guidelines to make the transition of divorce and the process of family restructuring and rebuilding easier for you and your children.

1. Divorced but still co-parents

If you have not done so already, call a truce with your Ex. (Note: Your Ex does not have to take the same action.) Divorced parents can succeed at co-parenting. That success may not begin with harmony but, at a minimum, a ceasefire is necessary.

2. You are stuck with each other forever

One day, you will be Grandma and Grandpa to the same babies. And when these babies are grown they will repeat the stories that they heard about Grandma and Grandpa. This will be your legacy. How do you want to be depicted?

3. Divorce creates a breakdown of trust and communication

Accept this and work towards rebuilding trust and communication with the other parent, even if it feels like you are doing all of the work. And, be patient, emotional wounds need time to heal.

4. Establish a business relationship with your former spouse

The business is the co-parenting of your children. Business relationships are based on mutual gain. Emotional attachments and expectations don’t work in business. Instead, in a successful business communication is up-front and direct, appointments are scheduled, meetings take place, agendas are provided, discussions focus on the business at hand, everyone is polite, formal courtesies are observed, and agreements are explicit, clear, and written. You do not need to like the people you do business with but you do need to put negative feelings aside in order to conduct business. Relating in a business-like way with your former spouse may feel strange and awkward at first so if you catch yourself behaving in an unbusiness-like way, end the conversation and continue the discussion at another time.

5. There are at least two versions to every story

Your child may attempt to slant the facts in a way that gives you what she thinks you want to hear. So give the other parent the benefit of the doubt when your child reports on extraordinary discipline and/or rewards.

6. Confirm your decisions with your ex-spouse

Do not suggest possible plans or make arrangements directly with pre-adolescent children. And, always confirm any arrangements you have discussed with an older child with the other parent ASAP.

7. Make a soft transition for the wellbeing of the children

The transition between Mom’s house and Dad’s house is often difficult. Be sure to have your children clean, fed, ready to go, and in possession of all of their paraphernalia when its time to make the switch. Better yet, if possible avoid the dreaded switch by structuring your time sharing so that weekends start Friday after school and end with school drop-off on Monday morning.

8. Make sure that your child maintains communication with his other parent

Do not screen calls from the other parent or limit telephone contact between your child and the other parent. Instead, ensure that your child is available to speak to the other parent when s/he is on the telephone.

9. Do not discuss adults subjects with your children

Do not discuss the divorce, finances, or other adult subjects with your children. Likewise, avoid saying anything negative about other parent and his/her family and friends to your children.

10. Be careful when talking in front of your child

Children are always listening – especially when you think they’re not. So, avoid discussions regarding the divorce, finances, the other parent, and other adult subjects when your children are within earshot.

11. Your children can read your emotions

Avoid using body language, facial expressions or other subtleties to express negative thoughts and emotions about the other parent. Your child can read you!

12. Stay positive

You can discuss your feelings with your children to the extent that they can understand them. But, if you let your child know that you are terrified of the future, your child will be terrified too. Instead, keep a balanced emotional perspective that focuses on the difference between feelings and facts.

13. Do not use your child as a courier

Do not use your child as a courier for messages or money.

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Whether they are into t-rexes, fossils or the Land Before Time, most kids go through a dinosaur phase. With these exciting crafts and action packed activities, your child and their friends can have a great time romping, stomping, and roaring at a dinosaur themed birthday party.

Dino Tail Obstacle Course

Dinosaurs are known for their massive tails. In this game, your kid will see just how cumbersome they could be. To get started, you will need to mark off a path about 25 feet long and 6 feet wide. This will become an obstacle course full of objects that can easily be tipped over. For example you can arrange a bunch of empty water bottles with green paper wrapped around them as a “forest”. Or a “mountain” made out of shoeboxes standing on their side. One thing to be careful of is that the obstacle course can be set up quickly – at least a couple of objects will need to be stood back up almost every time someone goes through. The other thing you will need is a pool noodle that you can turn into a “dinosaur tail” by attaching the end of it to a child-sized belt so the end of it drags along the ground.

Divide the kids into two teams, both of which should pick dinosaur names for their groups. Then, they can take turns going through the obstacle course with the dinosaur tail strapped onto them. The catch is that they are not allowed to knock anything over, or touch their tail with their hands. Whenever a player gets through the course, that team gets 5 points. However, for each object a team member knocks over with their tail, they lose a point. To make the game more exciting, add a time limit, like 45 seconds. If the person does not finish the course in this time, they lose points for whatever they knocked over, and do not get any points for completing the course. After everyone has gone through three times, tally up the scores and see which team is the winner.

Capture the Egg

This activity is a little like capture the flag, except with some prehistoric differences. Divide an open area, like a park, into two sides. On each side, the teams should craft four “volcanoes” by piling salt dough (there are plenty of easy online recipes), dirt, clay, sand, or another similar substance around an opened but full, small bottle of Diet Coke – just make sure the mouth of the bottle sticks out. Next, each team will get a “dinosaur egg” (you can use something like a soccer ball, or actually make a dinosaur egg out of paper mache beforehand) they should put in the furthest corner of their area. Mark off an area of about 10×10 feet around each of the volcanoes and the egg; this will be a safe zone where people cannot be tagged. Then give each team a few packets of Mentos candy – just make sure they don’t eat it all. The objective of the game is for someone to steal the egg from the opposing team, and bring it back to his or her own side. However, whenever the other team tags someone in their territory, that person is out.

There are two ways to get back into the game after being tagged; if someone steals the opponent’s egg, the game restarts and everyone is back in from both sides. The other way to get back in is for a teammate to erupt one of the opposing team’s volcanoes without getting tagged. This can be done by dropping a piece of Mentos candy into the soda bottle to make it foam up and erupt. Whenever this happens the captured people from the team that set off the volcano are back in the game. One thing for the kids to keep in mind is that each volcano can only be erupted one time, so they should split them up between games. Each time a team wins, they earn 15 points. Each time they lose, they lose 5 points. The game ends after three rounds.

Extinction Tug of War

Many dinosaurs had voracious appetites and amazing strength. This game is great because it combines both, and all you need to set it up is a rope and some “pterodactyl” chicken wings. The Extinction Tug of War takes place near over one of the volcanoes from Capture the Egg. The two teams stand on either side of volcano with a rope between them and then pull against each other. If someone gets pulled over the volcano, they have fallen into hot lava are extinct until they can gobble down one of the pterodactyl wings. As soon as they do this, they are back in. Kids will love pulling and sliding each other around and over the volcano, and then racing off to chow on wings as soon as they are out. The game ends when every member of the team has become extinct, whether it is because they were overpowered, or just could not eat fast enough. They can play for three rounds, where they’ll receive 15 points for winning and a 5 point penalty for losing.

After treading carefully through the obstacle course, running around stealing eggs and exploding volcanoes, and a battle of brute force, the kids should be tired from a long day of dinosaur activities. The winning team can get the first slices of the birthday cake – after the birthday boy or girl of course. Then the children can change into their kids footed pajamas and settle down with a movie like Ice Age or the Land Before time.

 

Dividing the family’s property during divorce can be quite difficult, especially if there are significant assets such as houses, rental property, retirement and pension plans, stock options, restricted stock, deferred compensation, brokerage accounts, closely-held businesses, professional practices and licenses, etc.Deciding who should get what can be quite a challenge, even under the most amenable of situations. But, if your divorce is contentious, then this can be especially complicated.

Differences between separate and marital property

Assets should not necessarily be divided simply based on their current dollar value. You need to understand which assets will be best for your short- and long-term financial security. This is not always easy to discern without a thorough understanding of the asset itself – its liquidity, cost basis and any tax implications associated with its sale.

However, before we go any further, we need to discuss the differences between separate and arital Property and why that’s critically important to you. In my experience, this is an area that is not well understood by most people.

Separate property

States differ in some of the details, but generally speaking, separate property includes:

• Any property that was owned by either spouse prior to the marriage;

• An inheritance received by the husband or wife (either before or after the marriage);

• A gift received by the husband or wife from a third party (your mother gave you her diamond ring);

• Payment received for pain and suffering portion in a personal injury judgment

Warning: Separate property can lose its separate property status if you commingle it with marital property or vice versa. For example, if you re-title your separately owned condo by adding your husband as a co-owner or if you deposit the inheritance from your parents into a joint bank account with him, then that property will most likely now be considered marital property.

Marital property

All other property that is acquired during the marriage is usually considered marital property regardless of which spouse owns the property or how the property is titled. Most people don’t understand this. I’ve had many clients tell me that they were not entitled to a specific asset, because it was titled in their husband’s name – such as his 401K. This is not true! This point is worth repeating because it is that important. All property that is acquired during the marriage is usually considered marital property regardless of which spouse owns the property or how that property is titled.

(State laws vary greatly, especially between Community Property & Equitable Distribution States, so please consult with your divorce attorney).

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