Successful co-parenting always starts with a plan. I’m sure you know that and have been faced with the lows that can often come when there isn’t any plan. Thankfully, we are here to help you overcome those lows and create a solid co-parenting plan in the UK so you and your ex-partner can be successful as co-parents.
So where do we begin? The answer is simple with these tips that will help you be successful.
Tip Number One: Know your Resources.
Sometimes, when we are in the weeds, we can’t see the many resources out there. Co-parenting can be like that. You feel alone and you aren’t sure where to start or even who to turn to. It can be a bit overwhelming but there are a lot of resources out there.
First, get a mediation app, such as 2houses, that will help you create and manage your co-parenting plan—the management part is the biggest benefit of the app.
Second, utilize some of the resources in your area. One place that is strongly recommended to go and check out in the UK is the CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service). This site is excellent in helping co-parents and they have co-parenting plans that you can follow to create your own.
Tip Number Two: Plan with the Kids Best Interest In Mind
In the UK, the courts always look at what is in the best interest for each individual child…not for sibling groups or for the family as a whole. This means that parenting plans may shift slightly when you are creating one so that it reflects the individual needs of each of your kids. For that reason, it is recommended that when you are creating a successful co-parenting plan, that you think of the best interests for each of your children.
One of the best ways to learn what those interests are is to talk to your kids as both a group and on one to one. Older kids may need a different custody schedule than the younger kids or you may want to have days where kids can have some one on one time. By putting the kids’ best interests in mind, you’ll find more success as co-parents because your focus is on the kids and not any tension from the separation.
Tip Number Three: Focus on Effective Communication
Communication is key to having a successful co-parenting plan. The better you communicate, the more you will find things go smoothly. Choose a co-parenting app to help you with this. 2houses has journals, calendars and many other ways to communicate that will be effective and proactive.
Aside from the app, have rules put in place with communication. Some rules to follow are:
- Don’t use the kids as messengers.
- Use email or texts if you struggle with face to face conversations, especially if they often become arguments.
- During those moments of high tension, or conflict, never respond immediately. Instead, take the time to calm down so you are less likely to say something that will cause an argument.
- Find some positives to share with your ex-partner and put those in the journal or photo album so conversations are not always around things the kids need or the logistics of co-parenting.
By having effective communication, you can avoid a lot of the pitfalls that can happen with co-parenting conflicts.
Tip Number Four: Be Generous to your Ex-Partner
Okay, when we say be generous, we are talking about little things and little acts of kindness that are learning experiences for your kids. Mother’s day and Father’s day can be a great example of this, especially when your kids are young. Take them out and help them pick out a gift or card (or help them make something). Encourage those moments and it will show your kids that you can still treat people well, even if you are no longer in love with them.
Another way that you can be generous is with time. If work keeps one parent from a visitation time, you can switch days, or give a little extra time before pick up on their next visit. If the custody schedule means the kids are missing the other parent’s birthday or an important family event for their side of the family, suggest ways where the kids can attend. This will help make your co-parenting plan successful and will also show the kids that their happiness is important enough to make changes for them.
Tip Number Five: Plan Ahead and Review
Finally, always plan ahead when it comes to big events, vacation time, holidays and so on. Both parents want to see their kids on holidays but it isn’t always possible so it’s important to plan well beforehand to make sure that you can create a plan for successful co-parenting. This might be alternating holidays or doing joint activities, such as birthday parties where both parents attend, and it could be something completely different.
You want to make sure that whatever you decide, you know well ahead of time so that you can let your kids know what is going on and it won’t be a shock to them. In addition, planning well in advance will ensure less stress and less last minute rushes to get things together.
One final point about planning ahead for these events, you want to try to keep the kids’ routine as normal as possible with special events and holidays. Kids thrive with routines and during separation and divorce, routine is even more important. Routines will not only help your children emotionally cope with the separation but will also teach them to be independent.
Co-parenting plans can be a success when you consider the kids, use the resources and tools available to you and take the time to communicate in respectful and effective ways. When co-parenting comes from the place of wanting what’s best for your kids, there is no way that it can’t be successful.