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12 July 201219 April 2024

Teaching Valuable Life Lessons to Your Children

Parenting is a challenging job. But when you throw divorce into the mix, it becomes even more complicated. As parents, we aim to teach our children valuable life lessons, but during a divorce, these teachings can often take a backseat.

This article will provide you with an in-depth guide to teaching valuable life lessons while you’re going through a divorce.

1. Embracing Change

Life’s a wild ride. One of the craziest rollercoasters you may find yourselves on is divorce within the family. It’s like suddenly the whole world shifts, and nothing feels quite the same anymore. This is your chance to show your children something very important.

You need to sit down with your children and discuss what’s happening. Let them know that change is just a part of our life. It’s scary, but it’s also exciting because it means new opportunities are around the corner.

Your little ones might be feeling all sorts of things right now – confused, scared, angry. And that’s okay. You should have to be there to listen, to reassure them that it’s normal to feel this way. You can show them that even when life throws us a curveball, there’s always something to learn from it.

As a parent you can even teach them to see the silver lining, to find the lessons hidden in the chaos. Because when they learn to do that, they’re building up their resilience. They’re learning that they can handle whatever life throws their way.

2. Fostering Positivity

During a divorce, it’s easy to get caught up in negative emotions. But it’s essential to model positivity for your children. Teach them the value of positive thinking and how it can transform their outlook. Explain to your children that optimism is a tool for resilience; it allows us to negotiate life’s challenges by admitting difficulties while also looking for silver linings. Encourage them to be grateful and to realize the lessons and progress that can come from difficult circumstances. By doing so, you’re not only helping them to cope with the current family changes but also imparting a lifelong approach to overcoming problems with a positive outlook.

3. Promoting Self-reflection

Divorce can provide an opportunity for self-reflection. Teach your children how to introspect and learn from their experiences. Encourage them to question their actions and motivations and understand their part in different situations. This can help them grow and avoid making similar mistakes in the future.

4. Being Respectful

Respect is a foundational value in any relationship. Even after a divorce, it’s important to maintain respect for your ex-spouse, especially in front of your children. Teach your children the value of respect and how it contributes to healthy relationships.

5. Forgiving Others

Forgiveness can be a hard lesson to teach, especially during a divorce. However, it’s an important one. Teach your children the power of forgiveness and how it can free them from the burden of resentment and anger.

6. Maintaining Open Communication

Open and honest communication is important during a divorce. You should teach your kid about the importance of open and friendly communication. In Fact during the divorce you can keep your children informed about the process in an age-appropriate manner. This can help them understand the situation better and alleviate any fears or uncertainties they may have.

7. Prioritizing Well-being

Teach your children the value of maintaining their physical, mental, and emotional health. Start by fostering healthy habits early on, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep. Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy and to express their feelings openly.

8. Leading an Earth-friendly Life

Divorce can be an opportunity to teach your children about the importance of leading an earth-friendly life. Engage them in eco-friendly activities like planting a garden, recycling, or reducing energy use. This can provide a sense of accomplishment and purpose during a challenging time.

9. Understanding Impermanence

Teach your children that nothing lasts forever, including the pain of divorce. This lesson can provide them with a sense of hope and resilience during difficult times. Remind them that with time, things will get better and the pain they feel will lessen.

10. Practicing Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool during a divorce. Teach your children how to be present and aware of their surroundings. As well as tell them to notice the world around them and to stay focused on the present moment rather than worrying about the future.

11. Discussing Life Goals

Engage your children in discussions about their life goals. This can provide them with a sense of direction and purpose during a challenging time. Encourage them to envision their future and to plan steps towards achieving their goals.

12. Helping Others

Volunteering and helping others can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose. It can also provide a distraction from the challenges of divorce. So, motivate your children to do acts of compassion and service, whether it’s helping a neighbor or volunteering at a local shelter.

Divorce is a challenging time for any family, but it can also provide an opportunity to impart valuable life lessons to your children. By modeling resilience, optimism, respect, and open communication, you can help your children navigate this difficult time and emerge stronger and wiser.

10 July 201219 April 2024

Helping Children Resist the Pressure to Choose One Parent Over the Other

Kids going through their parents’ divorce can feel stuck in the middle. They have to adjust to living in two places, following different rules, and maybe even seeing different friends and family. All they really want is to stay out of their parents’ fights and get along with both mom and dad (unless one of them isn’t nice to them, of course).

But some moms and dads make things harder. They see how tough it is for their kids to deal with everything and try to get them to pick a side. They might badmouth the other parent or make it hard for the child to see them. This is called parental alienation.

Impact of Parental Alienation on Children

The impact of parental alienation on children is profound and can manifest in various ways. Children who are subjected to parental alienation may feel guilty, unhappy, or angry. They may experience low self-esteem and trust concerns. In some cases, children may accept the alienating parent’s unfavorable perceptions of the targeted parent, which could result in a total rejection of that parent.

Furthermore, parental alienation can have long-term effects on a child’s ability to form healthy relationships and navigate their own future partnerships. They may struggle with intimacy, have difficulty trusting others, and experience challenges in establishing their own identities. That’s why it’s super important to deal with parental alienation right away and help these kids overcome these problems.

Signs of Parental Alienation

It’s important to catch parental alienation early to stop it from hurting your child any more. Here are some signs to watch out for:

Your child acts mean or ignores the other parent for no reason.
They start saying the same bad things about the other parent that the main caregiver says.
They don’t want to see the other parent or do things with them anymore.
Their whole attitude towards the other parent changes all of a sudden.
They make up stories or exaggerate problems about the other parent.

It is important to note that – Just because your child does some of these things doesn’t for sure mean it’s parental alienation. There could be other reasons. However, if multiple signs are present, it’s best to talk to a professional to figure things out and get help for your child.

Factors that Contribute to Parental Alienation

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows during a break-up, and sometimes parents can get so mad at each other they forget about their kids. Here’s why this might happen:

Lots of Fighting: When parents get divorced in a big fight, it can make parental alienation more likely.
Parent doesn’t care about child’s feelings: Some parents get so caught up in being mad that they don’t realize they’re hurting their child by making them not like the other parent.
Family and Friends Joining In: If people around a parent are also saying bad things about the other parent, it can make the kid believe them more.
Past Problems: If a parent has a history of treating their child or the other parent badly, it might be easier for them to try and push the child away from the other parent.

Strategies to Help Children Resist Parental Alienation

Supporting children who are experiencing parental alienation requires a multi-faceted approach that prioritizes their well-being and emotional recovery. Parents concerned about parental alienation also need to help their children develop 4 capacities that will help them resist the pressure to choose sides. Here are these strategies that can help children resist parental alienation:

Critical Thinking Skills

When children think critically, they can understand where their thoughts come from and decide if they’re true or not. This helps them question ideas like thinking one parent is all good and the other is all bad. If a child is using critical thinking skills it is not likely that he or she can be programmed or brainwashed into rejecting one parent to please the other.

Considering Options

When placed in a pressured situation in which a child feels compelled to do as one parent asks (i.e., not spend time with the other parent, spy on that parent, and so forth), it is important for the child to slow down, not act right away, and consider his or her options. Doing so can prevent the child from automatically doing what the alienating parent is asking.

Listening to One’s Heart

When children learn to be themselves and stick to what they think is right, it’s harder for someone to trick them or get them to do things that hurt them in the long run. This could be like choosing sides between mom and dad, or doing something that makes one of them sad. Help your child figure out what’s important to them, and how to know when they’re going against those things.

Using Coping Skills and Getting Support

Children sometimes feel that they are the only ones who are dealing with a problem and that no one can understand what they are going through. Encouraging children to talk to other people such as friends, teachers, and other caring adults can help them feel less alone and can help them benefit from the wisdom and kindness of others. Children also have more internal resources (self talk, relaxation strategies) that they can develop and rely on in times of need.

By implementing these above strategies, parents and professionals can help children resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other and mitigate the damaging effects of parental alienation.

If you suspect that your child is experiencing parental alienation, it is important to seek professional help immediately. Remember, your child’s well-being is of utmost importance, and by taking action, you can help them resist the pressure to choose one parent over the other and promote their emotional recovery.

27 June 201222 April 2024

6 Tips for Navigating Shared Custody

Sharing custody with your ex can be tough on everyone’s feelings and can be hard to organize. But there are ways to make things go smoother for you, your ex, and the kids. This article will give you 6 easy tips to help you deal with shared custody like a champ.

Establish Consistent Communication

Call or chat with your child often to stay close. There are post divorce communication apps like 2houses that can help. Try to call at the same time each week, like on Tuesdays. Don’t call your young child after dinner – they’ll be grumpy and tired (and you might be too!). Same for teenagers – don’t call before dinner, they’re probably not home yet. A short chat is all most teenagers want, like 4 minutes. The main thing is to call when it’s a good time for both of you. Wait until your child isn’t busy or tired to talk. Keep your chats short and sweet, but talk about things they like.

Send Thoughtful Messages

Use special cards or eCards made for co-parenting to keep in touch between visits. Just saying “I love you” or “Thinking of You” can mean a lot. Sending these messages lets your kids know they’re not alone anymore. It shows them that both parents are still there for them, just like before. And sometimes, giving small gifts like balloons or flowers can make a big difference, especially for younger kids aged 2 to 6.

Nurture Connections with Visual Cues

Go ahead and Create a welcoming environment for your child by incorporating reminders of the other parent into your home. Allow your child to display a photo of the other parent in their room, and curate albums of cherished memories. Ensure that your child has everything they need during their stay, minimizing the need to bring belongings back and forth.

Foster Mini-Traditions

Create small traditions together. Do things you both like, like watching TV shows you enjoy or playing board games. Do dinner together. Set some weekend plans with your kids. Doing these things regularly helps your child feel comfortable and like they belong in both homes.

Set Clear House Rules

Kids do good when they know the rules! Make clear rules for your house right from the start. This way, your child knows what to expect. Rules can change as your child gets older, but try to keep things the same as much as possible. This will help your child feel safe and secure.

Prioritize Stability and Comfort

When your child goes between your house and your other parent’s house, make sure they are comfortable in both places. They should feel loved, safe, and happy no matter where they are. Especially for 50-50 shared custody, make sure both homes should be like warm hugs, making your child feel like they belong. This will help them feel good overall and do well in life. So, make both houses cozy, friendly, and places where your child feels taken care of.

So, How do you navigate shared custody arrangements? Share your tips and experiences in the comments below!

20 June 201226 November 2021

Flawed Parents, Lacking Parenting Skills, Share “Parallel Custody”

When parents fight for custody of children, both parents attempt to highlight their own parenting skills and to diminish the other’s abilities. The cases are difficult and gut wrenching because often there are two loving, caring and fit parents, who only want the best for their children.

What happens, when after trial, the court finds that both parents are so flawed and lacking in parenting skills that neither should have sole custody of the child?

In M.R v. A.D., a Manhattan judge, after splitting physical custody of a child, opined that “neither of these parents has the skills or qualities to be [the child’s] sole custodian. Instead, the court identified each parent’s parenting strengths to define particular “spheres in which each party with be the final decision maker.”

The mother, characterized as warm and loving, but chaotic, unpredictable and unable to establish firm or consistent boundaries was granted decision making over summer camp, extracurricular activities, and religion. The father, described as gruff, not particularly warm or affectionate, but capable of setting firm standards for the child’s behavior, was granted decision-making over issues relating to the child’s education and health.

In reaching this Solomon-like decision, the court recognized that because of the acrimony between the parties, joint custody was not an option; the parties could not communicate effectively with each other to make joint decisions. After assessing the parties’ individual parenting strengths and weaknesses, the court fashioned a custodial arrangement that allows each parent to make decisions on different aspects of the child’s life.

The decision, which gives each parent parallel custody, is a novel method of resolving a custody dispute. Rather than “winner-take-all,” this win-win approach assures each parent’s continued involvement in the child’s life, with decisions being made by the parent best suited for doing so.

by Daniel Clement (source: divorce.clementlaw.com)

19 June 201222 April 2024

Is Alimony Still Necessary?

In the realm of modern divorce, the concept of alimony, or spousal support, continues to evoke debates and discussions among individuals of varying age groups. While younger generations often perceive alimony as an outdated practice, older demographics, particularly those with prior marital experiences, argue for its enduring significance. This article delves into the multifaceted aspects of alimony, examining its historical roots, evolving societal perceptions, and its role in promoting financial equity in marriages.

Historical Perspective:

Alimony, deriving from the Latin term “alimōnia,” meaning sustenance, has a rich historical lineage dating back to ancient civilizations. Initially conceived to provide financial assistance to predominantly women post-divorce, it reflected traditional gender roles and property ownership dynamics. From the Babylonian Code of Hammurabi to the Ecclesiastical Courts in England, the concept of alimony evolved as a means to ensure the well-being of financially dependent spouses, primarily wives, following marital dissolution.

Evolving Societal Perceptions:

As societal norms progressed and gender roles evolved, perceptions surrounding marriage and divorce underwent significant transformations. With both men and women actively participating in the workforce, the traditional notion of alimony as a solely male obligation became increasingly obsolete. Contemporary family court justices are reevaluating outdated assumptions, striving for a more equitable interpretation of spousal support laws that transcends gender biases.

Financial Equality in Marriage:

In today’s society, characterized by dual-income households and shared financial responsibilities, the concept of financial equality between spouses has gained prominence. The idea that one party should receive financial support solely based on past marital status is increasingly viewed as outdated and inequitable. Instead, the focus has shifted towards assessing individual circumstances and needs, irrespective of gender, to determine the appropriateness of alimony arrangements.

Determining Alimony: Individual Circumstances:

While the need for alimony may vary depending on individual circumstances, certain situations warrant its consideration. For instance, when one spouse significantly outearns the other or if a parent needs to fulfill caregiving responsibilities for young children, temporary alimony can serve as a fair interim solution. The aim is to facilitate financial independence for the recipient while ensuring the well-being of all parties involved.

Shared Responsibility in Child Support:

In line with the rules about alimony, child support is about both parents doing their part to take care of their kids. It means sharing the costs fairly, based on what each parent earns. Child support plans try to be fair to everyone and focus on what’s best for the kids. If one parent stays home with the child because they’re not in school yet, the other parent should help out with money until that parent can work again.

Both parents need to chip in for their kid. If one parent earns a lot more, they should give more money to support the child. That’s just fair. So, instead of always splitting everything exactly in half, it might be more like 75/25 or whatever seems right. For instance, if a mom earns three times more than the dad, she should contribute more money to help with the child’s needs. It’s all about being fair to the child.

Promoting Fairness and Equity:

In essence, the objective of alimony and child support is to safeguard the financial stability of individuals and their children throughout and post-divorce. It is imperative that these mechanisms are not misused or leveraged as tools of retribution. Instead, they should uphold principles of fairness and equity, ensuring that neither party emerges as the victor or victim in the dissolution of marriage.

Conclusion:

As societal dynamics continue to evolve, the relevance of alimony in modern divorce remains a subject of ongoing scrutiny and adaptation. By acknowledging historical foundations, embracing contemporary perspectives on gender equality, and prioritizing individual circumstances, the legal framework surrounding alimony can better serve the interests of all parties involved. Ultimately, the aim is to foster fairness, equity, and financial stability in marital dissolution proceedings