Author: Elisa

Keeping a marriage alive and well has always been an ongoing challenge for couples. In the good old days, the “mother-in-law” was always blamed for interfering with the marriage. But today, social networking is the hurdle putting marriages to the test. According to Divorce-Online, a British legal service, more than a third of divorces implicate Facebook. And, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that more than 80% of the divorce attorneys in the U.S. see an increase in divorce actions involving social networking. So, with social media becoming a universal form of communication, what can you and your spouse do to protect your relationship?

Don’t Post Anything You May Regret

It’s very tempting in the heat of a marital spat to want to vent. Before the internet, you would confide in your best friend over a cup of coffee. No big deal if you said some things you regret – it was just one person after all. But social media is real time and it’s not just one person you are sharing with … it’s the world. While you may be looking for an appreciative audience to validate your grievances, friends and family don’t want to be put in the middle – and it’s likely to back fire on you.

A good example of sharing too much information is a woman who posted complaints about her spouse every day on Facebook. At first, her friends thought she was just prone to drama or she and her spouse might be going through a rough patch. But as time went on, the posts became more toxic and her friends became more uncomfortable. One by one, they started to defriend her, and ultimately the couple divorced.

Regardless of the nature of your marital problems, sharing these matters on social networks leads to feelings of betrayal and lack of trust. And, hurtful posts can reduce your chances of working out problems.

Think About the Kids

If negative postings make adults uncomfortable, just think how they affect children who may have access to their Mom or Dad’s Facebook page? It can be very embarrassing for children, force them to choose sides and foster feeling of insecurity. Kids should never be a part of your marital fights … on line or off.

Set Clear Social Media Boundaries

Just as you monitor your children’s use of social media, you and your spouse need to set rules for yourselves. Nothing should be shared with the outside world unless you’re both in agreement … even good positive moments. Not everyone wants the intimate details of their lives out on the web, or pictures posted that they feel uncomfortable with others seeing.

Be cautious and considerate about whom you befriend. How secure do either of you feel with befriending people from past relationships? Refrain from posting comments to others that could be misconstrued as suggestive or flirting. And, come to an agreement on time spent networking before it becomes an issue.

By sharing your Facebook passwords with each other, you can build trust and help keep yourselves within your agreed boundaries. Remember that openness and honesty helps build the foundation for a good marriage. And, if you cannot post something nice … don’t post anything at all!

The most crucial component of successful co-parenting and child happiness is communication. Both parents must communicate amicably and effectively with each other. They must also facilitate positive communication between the child and parents, as well as the child and siblings.

Communication

Children often blame themselves for the end of their parents’ relationship as a way of understanding a confusing and scary change in life. It is important to communicate to your child that they are in no way responsible for what is happening. By stressing this message, you can help your child avoid developing anxiety or resentment over what they perceive to be the loss of a parent.

Getting used to having separated parents who live in different places can be confusing to the children and lead to the idea that he or she must choose between mom and dad. Use these tips to help your child deal with the feelings of “choosing” a parent:

• Let your child know that they never have to choose between mom and dad
• At the same time, let them know it’s okay to want to spend time each parent
• Make it clear that you want them to spend time with their other parent
• Have an open channel of communication so your child isn’t afraid to tell you if he or she wants to spend time with the other parent

Children are often reluctant to communicate openly during a divorce or separation because they are afraid their parents will be sad if they don’t take mom or dad’s side. Questions like “Will mom be sad if I want to spend the weekend at dad’s house?” or “Will dad be mad if mom takes me shopping for school clothes?” are common for children of divorced parents. By encouraging open communication, reassuring the child that he or she is not to blame, and stressing that neither parent will be hurt or sad by the child’s requests, you can help your child navigate this confusing time.

Organization

Along with communication, organization is essential to avoid many common issues encountered with kids of divorce. By keeping an organized handle on your child’s life, coparenting can be a rewarding partnership, rather than a source of conflict. Simple acts like calling the other parent if you are running late or have a change of plans can keep everyone happy and avoid conflict and resentment.

Organizational tools, like the 2houses website or mobile app, allow you and your co-parent to have a shared source of information pertaining to your child including a calendar, journal, photo album, finance notes, messages, and an info bank. By using this app, which lets you instantly share information synched to your phones, many of the hassles of coordinating drop offs and pick ups, finance issues, and relaying information of your child, can all be done with a few simple clicks.

By focusing on positive communication and effective organization, divorce doesn’t have to be the end of a family, but can instead facilitate a loving co-parented family bound by respect, joy and, happiness.

Teddy bear, doll, end of colored tissue, old tee-shirt of mom or dad or a sheet, a cover blanket, only one or several security blankets, with sometimes improbable odors because they were handled and sucked, here is the universe of the security blankets of our children!

Whatever its shape, the security blanket is the best friend of our children. It gets a psychological comfort and has a particular emotional value.

True companion of the child, the security blanket is symbolic, reassuring and therapeutic.

The children are very attached and carry it during nap, unhappiness, anxiety or tiredness. The security blanket is present everywhere!

The choice of the security blanket

It is the child who chooses the security blanket, and it will become irreplaceable, because it is made by memories…He will also choose the elements and characteristics, which will enable him to be reassured: colors, textures, forms and odors…

What symbolizes the security blanket?

Very small, the child needs to feel safe and will stick to an object or a security blanket around 8 months, age which coincides with what is more commonly called as “the separation anxiety of the 8th month”.

Key stage in the development of the child, this one understands that an object not seen is not any more one disappeared object… and accepts that the person who left him or her, dad or mom, always exist but are not there…

Moments of fear and of anxiety appear, the child feeling the need to comfort himself with an object which reassures, makes safe, and which helps to make the transition between the presence of their “parents present” and “parents absent”: mom, dad, or all people who are present in the closed environment to the child in a daily way.

The security blanket is also used to help the child to cope with situations such as the arrival at the nursery, the first steps at school, the holiday departure, a day or a weekend with the grandparents, or the separation or the divorce of their parents.

Until which age the child needs a security blanket?

Most of the time, it is the child himself who will decide to part from its security blanket.

Thus no prerequisite age! When the security blanket is not essential any more, becoming then a trophy, put in the bedroom of the children and will always guard a place of choice in their hearts. The need to have a security blanket becomes blurred towards the age of 6-7 years old.

And you? What does look like the security blanket of your child??

When your child decided to part from his/her security blanket?

Tell us and leave us your comments here.

You want to spend a terrifying evening with your families and close relationships?

Halloween is coming! On Thursday, October 31st, 2013, it will be the opportunity to celebrate Halloween!

In your diaries and do not forget to register this event in your calendar!

Small reminder on the origin of Halloween …

Halloween is celebrated at the night of October 31st. From Celtic tradition, celebrated in most of countries of the world, it is of Christian origin and is a event allowing to close the past year and to celebrate the passage of the new year which begins.

The word “Halloween” comes from the contraction of “All Hallow Even”, meaning the evening of all the saints, which corresponds on the eve of the Western Christian feast, the All Saint’s day.

This party is also the opportunity of having fun, by frightening, with enjoyment and good mood, but it is also a sharing and conviviality moment for parents and children, by disguising as wizards, witches, ghosts, zombies, vampires or other malefic creatures …

Other enjoyments of Halloween’s party: decorating the house and preparing the famous pumpkins of Halloween, and do not forget to make reserves of candies for the children!

Here are in some stages, the keys of success to celebrate this magic night!

• Organize a disguised evening under the theme of Halloween and invite your close relationships and families
• Define the theme of your Halloween party ! It will be the occasion to organize an unique party and will help you on the choice of decorations and food!
• Liven up your party, by organizing a competition of the best fancy disguises of Halloween, by proceeding to a vote during the evening party!
• Decorate your party and be creative! with a disturbing and black atmosphere, with plastic spiders, deaths’ heads, phosphorescent cobwebs, phials, sculptures of pumpkins, or more magic atmosphere with fairy lights and pumpkin lanterns that you will have dug with your children, to place candles. Share the pictures of your children’s disguises in your journal
• Propose an original menu with Halloween’s colours, with magic and terrifying dishes and drinks, delicious pumpkin juices, or transparent and smoking drinks in the atmosphere of Frankenstein, soups of toads and spinaches, red and black dishes, covered by “blood”, and cakes in the shape of pumpkins

Living a divorce is hard to everyone concerned by the situation, and looking for love after a separation or a divorce is sometimes a little bit tricky especially after spending many years with someone…

Divorce changes everything in your life!

You begin to doubt yourself in everything you do, which could lead you to depression and anxiety.

Divorcing can sometimes destroy your ability to trust again and depriving you of the opportunity to find that special someone.

This is the most fundamental problem that most divorced people undergo, and to learn how to get over the whole ordeal in order for you to live the life you truly deserve.

And now, a new life begins…

You are divorced, the papers are signed and you are quit with the lawyers’ payments and now your husband or your wife is your ex.

But you can ask yourself about how long do you want to stay single? Should you date with someone because your ex is? Do you want to remain single for the benefit of your kids?

Where do you find a new partner?

You are entering in a new phase of your life, it is a new beginning and it is also the opportunity to go out and create new relationships.

In order to find this new and great relationship with a woman or with a man, you must to “reenter” into the world of dating.

But before beginning to date, you need to accept that you are not married anymore.

In order to come back in the « world of dating », some advices can help you to make a successful date!

Read more on Metro UK

Shyness is not a definition but rather a description, behind which as many stories hides… Shyness is a belief, which feeds itself as a snake, eating its tail. When we do not believe in shyness any more, it ends up disappearing.

It is neither a character trait, nor a sign of personality and even less a fate. Between stimulating stress and paralyzing anxiety, the pallet of timidity is very varied.

In certain cases, it can become a true social handicap, a brake with the life, because the shy person is entitled neither right to speak nor right to watch.

Shyness can be a social timidity and then relates to timidity in the social interactions affecting the social instinct, but it can be of loving origin, and refers specifically to the difficulties encountered with the opposite sex, in seduction relationships.

In case of a tragic event, such as the loss of an employment, the loss of a expensive being, a separation or a divorce, we lose a part of ourselves, with the feeling of loss of self-confidence, return on oneself, anguish and timidity.

The shy person organizes its life in order to avoid criticisms and remarks, sometimes destroying: restaurants, coffee bars, stores are prohibited, any public space is not authorized to him and timidity is right of him. All its good intentions one thousand times reformulated could nothing make and the shy person is traumatized.

Thousand tricks and tips can be implemented to flat the bars of this invisible prison…

• Be not shamed of your shyness. Assume it! The less you think of it, the more you have chances to remove it!
• Be not afraid of the judgment of others. You have to accept the critics in order to progress.
• Speaking about your shyness to your friends, by explaining them what you are feeling. It will allow you to feel less alone.
• Practising a sport, participating to a cultural activity. It will allow you to overcome your shyness by integrating you into a group.
• Following theatre courses, or public speeches groups courses
• Assert yourselves in daring to say no and create the contact if possible
• Be positive. Feel reassured and say to yourselves that you cost not less than the others, than you are able to be a positive person!
• Do not hesitate to contact a therapist who can allow you to become emancipated
• Participating to workshops or public speaking groups dedicated to the topic of shyness

http://centremergences.be

Divorced parents communication is highly important as it has the highest purpose: the well being of the children.

Every time you contact your ex-partner, resolve to conduct yourself with class as your behavior might affect the situation of your children.

They are the focal point in every discussion as divorced parents, no matter what. It is a huge challenge that faces a parent after a divorce, in order to maintain a good and peaceful communication with your children!

After a divorce, emotions run high for children and parents.

Communication is important because children ask a lot of questions, so you should show and tell your children the love you have for them, and you have to know how your children are feeling.

Feelings of anger, betrayal and sadness can disrupt the communication process between the parents and their children, making major parenting decisions difficult and leaving children stuck in the middle. Each of these emotions needs to be recognized, accepted as real, communicated and discussed between parent and child. Youngsters need to feel free to ex­press these feelings within the family.

Setting reasonable boundaries can become the best line of defense, both for children and parents to reach a new equilibrium and to take into account that the youngsters feel more stable.

Life is to be lived with joy, and your children will be inspired by your positive attitude.

Hereunder, you will find some recommendations that can help you to encourage a positive and constructive communication with your children! 

Read more on Huffingtonpost.com