Category: Health

Co-parenting isn’t always smooth for everyone. Each co-parenting dynamic is different for each set of parents, meaning some situations are more challenging to navigate than others. Although disagreements over scheduling or subtle tension between yourself and your ex-partner may not seem like a big deal at first, constantly dealing with that underlying stress can take a significant toll on your mental health.

As June is Men’s Health Month, it’s essential to bring awareness to all aspects of men’s health, including mental well-being. Keep reading to learn more about how dads can stay mentally strong when co-parenting. But first, let’s take a look at the connection between men and mental well-being.

Men and Mental Health

Although society is making more ground in the mental health space, there is still a lot of work to be done. Stigmas surrounding mental health, especially for men, are still very prevalent. A lot of it stems from the assumption that “masculine” men shouldn’t ask for help and handle things independently. To ask for help is perceived as “weak.” Due to this stereotype, amongst many others, men are less likely to schedule doctor’s appointments. According to a survey done by Cleveland Clinic, 72 percent of men would rather do household chores, like cleaning the bathroom or mowing the lawn, than go to the doctor.

This is a problem as you cannot always deal with specific physical or mental health issues on your own. Consulting a trusted medical professional to help you develop a plan of action can help you address and sort out whatever is ailing you. Taking care of your mental health is extremely important if you have children seeing as it can affect everything from their development to their own mental health.

How Mental Health Affects The Kids

Mood Issues

It’s a common saying that kids are like sponges, and that isn’t necessarily wrong. Kids, especially young ones, soak up a lot of what their parents say and do, as well as how they feel. If you’re struggling mentally, whether you mean to or not, you may be passing your struggles off unknowingly on to your child. While mental disorders are not contagious, that doesn’t mean your child’s mood may not take a hit. Being around a parent who isn’t functioning at full capacity because of mental health struggles isn’t easy on anyone, let alone the child. Being with someone through the ups and downs of their health can be very taxing and affect their own mental health as long-term stress is usually a catalyst.

Behavioral Problems

A CDC article states that at least 1 in 4 children have a caregiver with mental health difficulties, meaning kids are more exposed to mental health issues than people may realize. If your child is acting out, it may be a result of your poor mental health. The helplessness children feel when they cannot help their parents, who are struggling mentally, can sometimes feel consuming and make them wonder what they’re doing wrong. Constantly feeling like things are out of their control or believing that they are the cause of your mental distress can result in them acting in ways that they normally would not.

How Mental Health Affects You

Your Self-Esteem

Mental health and self-esteem sometimes go hand in hand. When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, anxiety, or depression, it’s common for negative thoughts to take over. As a dad, you may feel like you aren’t being a good enough parent or feel like you’re not good enough in general. Thoughts and feelings like this only serve to make your mental well-being worse, creating a cycle of negativity. Not only does stress affect the emotional side of things, but it can also affect more minor things that impact your self-esteem, like your hair, skin, and overall body image. For many, their appearance is their primary source of confidence, and when things are off, it can really affect you. Self-esteem and confidence issues can cause eating disorders, unhealthy lifestyle choices, and more.

Higher Risk For Disease

Mental illness is also usually a result of long periods of stress without reprieve during that time. This can put you at a higher risk of developing diseases like high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease since excessive stress is linked to a variety of health problems. If these problems are left unchecked, they can severely impact your quality of life causing you not to be able to function on the level that you’d like. Additionally, those who struggle with mental health may have a higher likelihood of turning to unhealthy outlets such as drugs and alcohol. This only serves to make matters worse as vices like alcohol worsen mood and health over time and only provide monetary satisfaction. This also won’t help your co-parenting situation, as excessive alcohol use is not conducive to a healthy home environment for your child.

Affects Co-Parenting

Mental health symptoms in men don’t always look like what is deemed “common” symptoms. For example, men who experience conditions like depression are often aggressive, angry, and/or irritable. While your mental health battles may cause your mood to fluctuate, your ex-partner may not know that. To them, you may seem like you’re in a never-ending bad mood, which can cause tension between the two of you. Tension often leads to a disagreement which isn’t ideal for people in a co-parenting relationship since you want to provide a healthy environment for your child or children. With that being said, while you don’t need to tell your ex-partner what you’re going through specifically, you still need to hold yourself accountable. If you are acting unlike yourself or feeling more irate than normal and it’s affecting your ability to co-parent, it’s your job to take the steps necessary to get the help you need.

Take Some Time

It won’t hurt to take some time for yourself every now and then. Many parents feel guilty when they’re spending time on or with their children, but they shouldn’t. Self-care is an integral part of overall wellness, including mental health. Sometimes your everyday life stressors like co-parenting can feel overwhelming, and you may need a break from it. On one of your off days away from your child, schedule some “me” time. Me time can mean a range of things and can be anything that you want. Men tend to shy away from self-care because of the notion that it’s all facials and bath bombs, however, it is not. While that may be self-care to some, it’s not what it has to look like for you. Your self-care day may look like taking a scenic drive or picking yourself up some of your favorite restaurant food. No matter what it is, take joy in doing something that is stress-free. This will give you much-needed time to rejuvenate before you see your child again.

Solutions To Try

Seeing as sometimes co-parenting may involve custody hearings, making sure your mental health is in optimal condition is essential. You need to show that you are mentally fit enough to take care of your child, so if co-parenting is the source of your mental distress, you should try and rectify the situation sooner rather than later.

Let It Go

A lot of the time, the tension between two parents comes from their previous relationship with each other. Depending on what happened, it can sometimes be hard to move on from situations despite having a child with that person. Every time you see them it can bring forward a bunch of emotions that you may not want to think about. However, sometimes releasing that anger or hurt is the best thing for you. Holding onto those negative feelings can lead to resentment building within the relationship, which doesn’t help you. It can be damaging to your mental well-being and it isn’t good for your child to see, hear or feel constant tension between you and your ex-partner. While it may be easier said than done to start things fresh, you should try to make an effort for your child. Because the most important thing is making sure your child has the best upbringing that they possibly can.

Talk Your Ex-Partner

This can mean a lot of different things depending on your situation. If you currently have a strenuous relationship with your ex-partner, try talking things out with them and coming to a truce. Don’t underestimate the power of a respectful and level-headed conversation. If you think you’re going to struggle to have a decent conversation with your ex-partner, consider getting a third party involved. A mediator can help you to have a productive conversation, and get things on the right track. Alternatively, if you still don’t want to see your ex-partner, you may benefit from tools that help separated parents communicate without being in-person to help mitigate potential problems. Aside from that, talking to your co-parent may also mean divulging when you need help. If you’re having a difficult time and need some time to work things out, let your ex-partner know so you can both come up with a plan that works best for your child.

Gain Confidence

Regain confidence in yourself and your parenting skills. With a lot of aspects of self-esteem, you have to remind yourself that you’re trying your best and that you are enough. Whether this means thinking positively about your parenting abilities or your overall life, make sure you remember the good you’re doing. Also, don’t forget to gain confidence in other aspects of your life too, since it can increase overall happiness. Struggling with your physical appearance can have a toll on your confidence, which can affect your overall well-being, so don’t let your insecurities run the show. Take charge and reinvent yourself. That new suit you wanted? Buy it and walk around confidently. Are you tired of your hair or lack thereof? Go to a salon or use a hair loss treatment to help make you feel like a new person. Whatever it may be, make sure you’re doing things that make you happy and gaining that confidence back to be the best parent you can be.

See A Therapist

Going to see a therapist is highly stigmatized. A lot of times people feel shameful if they seek out professional help as if there’s something wrong with it—there isn’t. Taking care of your mental health should never feel shameful or embarrassing. It will only serve to help improve your relationship with your ex-partner and better the upbringing for your child and that’s the most important thing. If you’ve never been to a therapist before, make sure you do your research. You want to make sure you’re going to someone who is professional and has your best interest at heart. Also, don’t feel as if you have to stay with one of your first, second, or even third therapist. You can switch as many times as you’d like until you find the right one.

Final Thoughts

Never be afraid to tell someone you trust about what you’re going through, no matter how big or small it may seem. Letting things out and letting someone know that you’re struggling is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Sometimes all you need is a listening ear and someone to say that they understand. If you aren’t comfortable talking to a professional or a loved one, consider reaching out to an online support group to talk to people going

Much of the focus when it comes to the COVID-19 pandemic, which has been one of the defining factors of 2020, is physical health. We’ve heard a lot about possible symptoms, long-term effects, death rates and how to best protect yourself and those around you. But what about mental health? This pandemic has meant a huge shift in daily life, changing everything from how we grocery shop to how we do our jobs, and nothing has been left untouched. As a single parent, it can be even harder trying to deal with all of the changes, uncertainties and struggles alone. If you feel like your mental health has taken a hit in 2020, you’re not alone. Find out more about how the issues surrounding the pandemic are affecting mental health and what you can do to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

How the Pandemic Has Affected Mental Health

Both the World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control have noted that the pandemic and the measures people are being asked to do to combat its spread is having a serious mental health impact for many people. At the very forefront, there is the fear that comes from a new virus making its way through the human population. When the virus was first discovered, scientists didn’t yet know what its effect might be, how it spread or how long the incubation or recovery periods might be. Understandably, this led to many people experiencing fear and anxiety as they worried whether they would get infected or what would happen to the people they loved.

As scientists began to understand more about the virus, the world started to go into action to contain it and slow the spread. In the United States, this led to travel bans, mandatory business closings, K-12 schools being moved to remote learning and stay-at-home and quarantine orders. There were also areas that experienced widespread food and supply shortages. These major changes happening all at once only increased the anxiety and fear for many people, and for those who were now experiencing issues getting basic necessities, the mental health toll was even more severe. The closings also meant that many people were out of work, creating financial catastrophes — and even more stress — in the process.

Another key piece of the mental health aspect of COVID-19 is that quarantine measures and stay-at-home orders meant that many people were also suddenly extremely isolated from their support systems, such as friends, family members (who may have also acted as child care), churches and counselors. This isolation sparked an increase in anxiety and depression. For many, it was a double-edge sword, with less support but more expectations and pressure when it came to working from home and trying to take care of children and home responsibilities while also being available for video conferencing during business hours.

Even as many people have returned to work or started to adjust to life with the virus, there is still a large amount of uncertainty that looms ahead. How will this affect my co-parenting? What will school look like in the fall? What will happen when flu season comes around? Will there be a vaccine? Not knowing what’s coming down the road can be just as anxiety producing as dealing with something that is happening now, and all of this takes a huge toll on mental health.

Particular Struggles for Single Parents

While virtually no one has been left unchanged by the pandemic, single parents have been one of the hardest hit demographics when it comes to how much their lives have been disrupted. Single parents are usually the sole incomes for their households, which means if they were laid off or furloughed because of business closings, it had serious financial implications for their families. 

Single parents also rely on school and daycare for childcare, so even those whose employers stayed open may not have been able to continue working because of childcare issues. Those who were able to work at home remotely now faced the stress trifecta of taking care of children, working from home and trying to maintain the house — all alone as the only adult. 

Single parents have also faced outside pressure about taking children with them to grocery shops and not being able to juggle everything perfectly all the time. All of this can lead to chronic stress and anxiety as parents try to make sense of the information coming from the government and news media sources and try to make decisions that are in the best interests for the safety and well-being of their children. This has led many to put their own well-being, mentally, emotionally and physically, on the back burner — as single parents so often do.

Tips for Taking Care of Yourself

It’s clear from all sides that COVID-19 has had serious mental health implications for many people. However, it also looks like this virus is going to be around for at least the near future, so how can single parents continue to take steps to protect their mental health as we continue to see what the future will bring? These four tips can give you a starting place to start prioritizing your mental health on a daily basis.

1. Take an Inventory of Responsibilities

No matter what your children may think, you are not Superman or Wonder Woman. You cannot do it all — or at least not well — and realizing this is the first step toward less stress and better mental health. Carve out some time to have a meeting with the CEO of your family (that’s you), even if it has to be early in the morning before the kids wake up, late at night after they’re in bed or on your lunch hour. Make a list of everything (yes, everything!) that you have to do. Don’t forget things that may not be every day such as scheduling car maintenance or having a quarterly performance review with your boss. Consider organizing the list by home, work and child-related responsibilities, so you have a big-picture overview of everything that is on your plate right now. If this seems overwhelming, that’s because it probably is! But in the next steps, we’re going to discuss how to start trimming this list back into something more manageable.

2. Remove and Delegate Whatever You Can

Chances are, as a single parent, you already had a lot on your plate before a global pandemic arrived on the scene. If you feel like you’re running around trying to keep a million plates spinning, it might be time to let a few drop — even if that means that they shatter. Take that list you made from the above step and see if there is anything you can delegate to someone else or remove altogether. 

For example, if you have school-aged children, they are more than capable of helping with the household chores. Small children can dust baseboards and wipe down surfaces, while older kids can do dishes and laundry. This might seem small, but it could be enough to build some space into your life. You may also find some things on this list that you don’t actually need to be doing. Maybe you have a standing call with your sister on Friday mornings that is just a rehash of everything COVID that is doing more harm than help. 

3. Recognize That Your Self-Care May Not Look Like Someone Else’s

Self-care is a buzzword of the 21st century, but it is actually something that can make all the difference in your life. It’s easy as a single parent to always put your own needs and personhood on the back burner, but this isn’t healthy. It’s important to make time for yourself to help you recharge so you can better be there for the rest of your family. 

Social media and society would like to tell you that self-care should be hour-long bubble baths, expensive massages or a new painting hobby. However, this isn’t necessarily true. What you’re really trying to do with self-care is to come out of it feeling like you have a little more clarity and energy. Maybe this does mean a bath or massage for you, but it could just as easily mean watching your favorite TV show with snacks you don’t have to share or writing short stories for fun. 

4. Remember That These Are Extraordinary Times

No matter how hard you try, there will still be things that fall through the cracks or days where you feel like you can’t keep going. It’s important to remember that this is a major, once-every-hundred years event, and it’s OK — and totally normal even — to be struggling. As long as your children are healthy and reasonably happy, you’re doing a fantastic job, and that’s something that deserves to be recognized and celebrated.

You are divorced and you feel sad, frighten and lost?

Divorce and depression unfortunately are going hand to hand.

With an increasing number of couples getting divorced each year, depression is becoming more and more common and is considered as one of the most traumatic and stressful experience in a person’s life, and for some men and women, none is more stressful than a divorce.

At the end of your relationship, you are faced with difficult changes in your life, and it is normal to feel sad and even miserable.

You may feel as if you’ll never love anyone the way that you loved your husband and wife…

The sense of loss can be comparable to the pain of losing a loved one. In fact, it is the death of your marriage.

But sometimes these feelings can progress to something more serious: depression.

The effects of depression after a divorce are very varied.

You can be so destabilizing that you feels with no energy and no desire to do anything…

Hopelessness, anxiety and inappropriate guilt can lead to a loss of interest in formerly interesting things.
Changes in sleep patterns with tiredness, loss or increase of appetite, weight loss or gain, irritable, crying, lack of energy and sometimes thoughts of death are the main characteristics of depression after being divorced.

Divorce can be tough, but there are things you can do to help yourself start to feel better!

Transformations will not happen overnight, so be patient with yourself and above all realize that it is possible to move on with your life!!

Whether you are feeling low or have been diagnosed with symptoms of depression, these tips can help you!

Read more on Psychcentral.com

No matter the circumstances, breakups are never easy. A divorce can bring about a grieving process very similar to what happens when you lose a loved one and is a very real, very intense emotional event. While there’s no magic cure that can make you instantly feel better. Here are five tips to help you acknowledge what’s happened and move forward.

Take Ownership of Your Part

No breakup is 100 percent one party’s fault, and to really move forward, it’s important to recognize that some of the decision making and issues were yours. Even if your ex really was 99 percent of the problem, taking ownership of your 1 percent can help you feel a larger sense of control in a sometimes chaotic situation and keep you from repeating the same mistakes when you’re ready for a new relationship. It will also help you be able to communicate positively with your ex as you continue to coparent together especially when combined with an app like 2houses.

Gather a Support System

A breakup means losing part of your identity that was wrapped in being someone’s partner. It can be difficult at first as you start to reclaim your life. This is where your support system comes in. Ideally, you want a few friends who can help you to get out of the house and reenter the social circles you may have neglected when you were in a relation, as well as one or two close friends who can be a shoulder to lean on when the inevitable sad and angry days come. You may also want to consider getting a mental health professional who specializes in life transition issues in your corner for when you need an objective perspective.

Change Things Up

While moving to another country may seem like a great way to get out of having to see your ex around town, this is probably a little too drastic. But a change in environment can help you move on after a breakup. It’s a great time to take stock of your life and see if your job, home and hobbies are really what you want to do or were just convenient within your relationship. If something stands out as not fulfilling or isn’t a step toward your dream life, it may be time for a change. This is also a great way to be a role model for your children to show them that just because things don’t work out as you planned doesn’t mean you can’t regroup and still end up in an awesome place.

Take It Slow

Intimate relationships create very deep bonds, and these feelings aren’t just going to go away overnight. This person was an important part of your life. Their absence is going to leave a void for a while. This void is temporary, and you will eventually move on, but you need to give it time.

Bonus tip: Beware of jumping back into the dating scene too soon. It’s very easy to move too quickly in a rebound relationship, but back-to-back breakups can compound the problem and end up making it harder to recover emotionally.

Acknowledge the Past

While you definitely want to be looking toward the future, the truth is the past still happened. It had a big effect on who you are and who you will be as you move forward. Trying to pretend it didn’t happen is just as unhealthy as staying stuck in past mistakes and failures. Acknowledge — and maybe even thank — your breakup for the impact it had on you and make a conscious effect to absorb the lesson and move on. It can be helpful to have a little ceremony where you take some pictures from your relationship or write down some good and bad memories and then burn them to physically signify the letting go.

In a rather sad and ironic state of affairs, individuals exercising to improve health and fitness often fall into the trap of neon colored sport drinks and sugary protein bars with questionable ingredients – believing these products support ultimate vitality and strength.

Unfortunately, these ‘foods’ compromise true health and also tend to rack up a hefty grocery bill. But making your own at home is far easier than you might imagine and affordable to boot.

Sports drinks

The Chicago Tribune article, “Sports drinks: How to make your own” offers several simple, inexpensive recipes for recovery drinks. According to registered dietitian Dawn Jackson Blatner, refueling beverages need three elements: water, electrolytes and carbohydrates. Just make sure to use purified water, organic ingredients and high quality Himalayan or Celtic sea salt for maximum nutritional benefit.

Organic Sports Drink from Kitchen Table Medicine
– Organic fruit juice
– Water or green tea
– Organic sea salt
Fill sports bottle with half juice and half water. Add a pinch of sea salt and shake.

Delicious and nutrient dense energy bars

Now onto the protein bars. Here we can really get creative. Anna Sward of Protein Pow(d)er offers the following recommendations and recipes:

“For each recipe below, bind the powder, flour and other ingredients with milk [coconut, almond or hemp varieties are heathy choices]. You can also use a nut butter. The goal is to have a batter that comes together like a dough which can be easily formed into bars. Next, melt 90-100 percent dark chocolate over low heat — enough to coat the bars, about 40 grams. Once coated, place the bars in the freezer for at least 30 minutes.”

Again, organic ingredients are recommended.

Surprise Almond and Vanilla Protein Bars
– 4 small cooked beets
– 1 cup vanilla protein powder
– 1/2 cup coconut flour
– 1/2 cup cup nondairy milk substitute
– 2 tbsp organic almond butter (peanut, pumpkin or hemp butter works as well)

Read more

One of the most common responses that I receive when I tell others that I am divorced is: “Oh, I know how you feel. I just broke up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”

I know that you’re trying to empathize with me, but I don’t believe that it is possible for you to know how I feel unless you have been divorced yourself. Yes, the end of a long-term relationship is horrible and devastating, but I don’t believe that it compares to the emotional trauma of getting a divorce, no matter how long the couple has been together.

Divorce is a loss unlike anything else that most people will experience in their lifetime. Divorce is hard emotionally, financially and socially; it’s heartbreakingly difficult. Many sources have said that divorce is the second-most traumatic life experience that a person can go through, after the death of a spouse. I fully believe that there is a good reason — actually, many good reasons — that they didn’t include the breaking up of long-term relationships on that list.

While some breakups do involve separating assets and legal paperwork, the majority of breakups of (childless) relationships don’t. All divorces require paperwork — even the ones that end amicably. Divorce brings out the worst in people. Lawyers get involved, fights start and animosity grows. Of course, not every relationship ends badly (for example, my ex and I are still good friends) but in general, having to argue over each book, every dish and every dollar acquired during the marriage is not a fun experience for anyone.

The biggest difference between a divorce and the breakup of a long-term relationship is the emotional and mental toll that it takes. When getting married, a couple stands in front of all of their friends and family — and in many cases, before God — and declares their never-ending love for each other. They promise to spend their lives together “for better or for worse”. After getting married, the two individuals become a family that works together toward common goals, hopes and dreams.

When a marriage ends, the sense of failure that both parties feel is overwhelming. Even if the reason for divorcing is valid, there is still a lingering feeling of having lied to everyone who mattered most. Divorcees often feel like they have let everyone down by not being able to “fix” their marriage.

Along with the incredible sense of failure comes extreme loneliness, because divorce represents the end of “us” and the return to “me, on my own again”. When a long-term relationship ends, there is still a sense of loss but, in most cases, the two individuals were able to keep their sense of self and maintain (somewhat) separate lives during the relationship; returning to their own life after a breakup isn’t as severe a transition.

So if your friend or family member tells you that they are getting a divorce, don’t tell them that you know how they feel, unless you actually do. Tell them that you’re sorry, that you’ll be there to support them, to listen to them, to drink with them, hug them and let them cry on your shoulder. Tell them that it will be tough (because you read it in an insightful Huffington Post article, not because you experienced it personally) but that they will make it through, and in many cases, they will be happier because of it.

Trust me. At the end of the grieving process, they will thank you for it.

by Jennifer Nagy Public Relations & Marketing Professional for Huffingtonpost.com