10 Tips for Separated Parents

10 tips separated parents

Divorce is one of the top five most stressful life events that people go through. Not only is it a stressful matter to endure, but the fallout continues when you try to handle your parenting matters apart from your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

You can make this entire process easier by making good decisions during the separation period.

These tips will help you manage your separation as parents so that you can divorce in peace while also coming up with long-term strategies for raising your kids.

1. Look at Each Other as Parents First

When you split from your spouse, you might have some grudges and resentment that you hold against them. It might take some time to heal and get over these issues.

Keep in mind the importance of your child having an involved mother or father, and look at them as a parent first. Having this level of grace and understanding will prevent you from holding things against them and will make communication for parenting decisions much easier while raising children.

2. Resolve to Have a Peaceful Divorce

Make sure that you also prioritize peace during the divorce process. Divorce is stressful on its own, and turning it into a battle makes it even more stressful than it has to be.

Compromise with your spouse and make it a cooperative divorce process.

3. Speak to a Family Mediator

Don’t wait to get the help of a professional that can help smooth things out for you and your spouse during your separation and divorce proceedings.

Get the help of a professional mediator that can help you communicate and create workable compromises. Leading with a mediator rather than a lawyer is important because a mediator is impartial and works for both of you.

4. Have Honest Conversations With Your Children

Prioritize your kids above all during this process. Open the floor for them to discuss how they feel about the divorce process. Listen without trying too hard to shape their perspective while reassuring them that this doesn’t change how both parents feel about them.

Become intentional about checking in with your child and discussing things with them so that this link remains strong once you’re raising them in two households.

5. Come Up With Parenting Strategies

The most important thing you can do during the process of divorce with children is create parenting strategies that you both can stick to. Consider everything from the child’s education, extracurricular activities, religion, friendship, and other details. Communicate with each other every step of the way, and formalize your parenting strategies as much as possible.

Having an ironclad parenting plan takes the ambiguity out of the situation and lets you both know how you contribute.

6. Set Your Home Up With Kids in Mind

Regardless of the custody arrangement, you need to make sure that your home is set up with kids in mind. Both parents should do their best to give their kids their own bedroom and areas where they can play, do their homework, and live life as a kid without a significant drop-off in either home.

It’ll be easier to have your time with your kids when the environment is set up for it.

7. Get Therapy and Healing

During the separation, make sure that you are also taking care of yourself. Divorce can take a psychological and emotional toll for many years to come. The best way through this is by seeking the help of a licensed therapist.

Book an appointment to talk to a therapist once a week for the foreseeable future. This is a safe place to unpack all aspects of the divorce and how you feel about it so that you can move forward and be the best individual and parent you can be.

Practice other forms of self-care as well to help with the healing process. Regularly exercising, eating clean foods, and taking care of yourself can help you more than anything else.

8. Document Things Regularly

Operate with your spouse in good faith, always give them a chance, and do your best to see their point of view. However, make sure that you’re also documenting aspects of your parental arrangement in case there are ever court matters that need to be hashed out.

It’s best to document these things as you go so that you’re not scrambling for evidence when you need it.

9. Handle Your Legal Matters

Your separation will also be more peaceful when you know that you’re properly handling your legal matters. Hire a family attorney that can answer all of your questions and lay the groundwork for your strategies.

From there, you can move forward with intention and handle business one step at a time.

10. Recognize That Things Aren’t Always Exactly 50/50

Adjust your definition of fairness as it pertains to raising your child in two different households. With separated families, fairness should involve what’s best for the child while also allowing both parents to contribute and get the time that they need and deserve.

However, life happens, and there will never be a precise 50/50 split with everything. Strive to be respectful and fair, speak your mind, and find workable solutions every step of the way.

Do What’s Best for Your Family

Parents going through a divorce need to use some strategies that will help them keep their families together.

2houses can help you when you’re trying to come up with parenting tips and strategies that will help you raise your family peacefully and productively. Contact us online

Divorce Coparenting: The Emotional Toll of Divorce on Children

Divorce coparenting

If you’re a married person who thinks that your marriage might be over, you’re not alone. Nearly 38% of marriages end in divorce.

The bright side is that this means you have resources that can help you get through even the toughest part of the divorce process. For most people, the hardest part is figuring out how to parent your kids in two different households.

Read on to get some divorce coparenting tips that will help you out.

How Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce takes a significant emotional toll on kids in many cases. Babies learn about the world through their parents and their household, and this foundation solidifies as kids get older and mature into adults.

When that foundation is fractured, it’s natural that a child’s sense of security and wholeness might be threatened. This can have psychological and emotional effects well throughout childhood and beyond.

Studies show that teenagers from divorced households are three times more likely to need mental health counseling. Some other ways that divorce takes a toll on children includes:

  • Struggling with school grades and performance
  • Are more likely to act out with their behavior
  • A stronger likelihood of substance abuse
  • Higher dropout rate
  • Difficulty in romantic and interpersonal relationships

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get divorced if there’s no fixing your marriage. However, consider this potential toll as you and your soon-to-be ex figure out strategies for raising your children post-marriage.

What Is Divorce Coparenting?

Divorce coparenting is the best-case scenario if you’d like to get a clean split from each other while still doing what’s best for your kids. With co-parenting, you get to go through the divorce process cooperatively and create solutions that will help you do what’s best for your children.

There are some helpful steps you can follow to create the ideal coparenting relationship and agreements.

Get Divorce Mediation

The first thing you should do is agree to sit down with professional mediators. Mediators are impartial professionals that can help the two of you negotiate and speak your mind without making the process contentious.

Working with professional mediators starts your divorce process with cooperation in mind and opens lines of communication. Going to mediation makes it easier for you two to come to agreements without letting squabbles get in the way.

Consult With an Attorney

Though cooperation is the name of the game, you still owe it to yourself to get sound legal advice. A divorce attorney will sit down and discuss the circumstances of your marriage and divorce. During the consultation, the lawyer will ask your goals for the divorce, and will talk about your assets and whether you have a prenup.

Once you hire a lawyer, they’ll also provide you with advice on how to move forward. Perhaps most importantly, your attorney will advise you so that you don’t make costly legal mistakes.

Come to Terms on the Most Important Things

Once you know that you can openly speak to your spouse, treat your conversations in a business-like fashion. Start hashing out the most important details of parenthood, such as child support, child custody arrangements, visitation, and other issues.

You’ll need to work them into an agreement that you can put before the judge, so get as detailed as possible. Having these discussions on your own is more productive and less painful than deciding everything piece by piece through several tense hearings.

When you create your agreement outside of court, the rest is a formality.

Discuss Your Family Vision

Take time to also discuss how you want to move forward as a family in a holistic sense. Talk about things like your kids’ activities, where they’ll attend school, religious beliefs, and other important matters.

Don’t be afraid to have the hard conversations, and never assume you’re on the same page about things unless they’re verbalized. Getting a divorce is only the beginning – you’ll need to get comfortable having these conversations for as long as you’re raising your children together and beyond.

The sooner you can get comfortable and develop a rapport, the more productive these conversations will be over time.

Take Care of Your Personal Health

Ending your marriage is hard, so do everything you can to take care of yourself. It can take a toll on your stress, health and emotions, so practice self-care to the best of your ability.

Make sure that you get sleep, eat healthy, and exercise regularly. Avoiding unhealthy habits and promoting healthy ones produces positive endorphins that can ease stress, anxiety, and depression.

You can also get divorce help in the form of mental health professionals. They will help you unpack your emotions and work through them so that you can heal and move forward. Don’t rush back into the dating market, and take as much time as you need.

Embrace your hobbies and find meaning in your work. The better you take care of yourself, the easier it’ll be for you to remain active in the divorce process and coparenting.

Work Through the Divorce Process

Divorce coparenting can be a difference-maker when applied correctly. The best thing this does is keep the temperature down. When emotions are low and not contentious, you’re more likely to get a quality outcome. This is necessary for everyone involved, and perhaps your kids will benefit most.

2houses can help you when you’re interested in strategies that can help you get through your divorce. To learn more, contact us on our site.

Understanding Child Support in a Divorce

Child support

The current divorce rate in the United States sits at 3.2 per 1,000 married individuals. This is down from several years ago, which means that the divorce rate is declining!

However, it still happens. If you are going through a divorce, it can be difficult. You may be struggling, and that’s okay.

But there’s no point in struggling alone, especially when there are plenty of people, communities, and programs out there to help you through it!

One thing you may need help with is child support. If so, this guide can help you understand a bit more about it and what you need to know. Keep reading to learn more!

What Is Child Support?

If you are going through a divorce, one of the most important things that you will need to understand if you have kids is child support.

In simple terms, child support is supplying payments to support a child during a divorce.

There are many different factors to understand when determining who is going to be providing child support. This typically depends on the income of the parents and how much time the child spends with either parent.

In a lot of cases, child support can actually be amicably worked out by the parents without going through the legal system or getting legal help. However, this is not always the case. If it’s not, the court will determine child support payments.

When the court gets involved, these payments are legally binding for both parties. They can either be paid from parent to parent, as part of a wage garnishment or through a state child support agency. This can be decided between parents with the help of the court.

What Does Child Support Cover?

If you are paying child support or about to start paying child support, you may be wondering what it covers. All child support goes towards covering any expenses related to the child. This could be for shelter, food, clothing, transportation, any medical bills they may have, health insurance, transportation needs, education needs, and anything else related to them.

The idea is to provide financial security for the child. The financial security only lasts until the child becomes an adult. Usually, this means that the payments will stop at age 18, but there are times that it can remain in place until the child is 21 or even a little bit older, depending on the needs of the child.

Missing Payments

So what happens if a parent misses a child support payment? If a parent fails to pay, this could result in going to jail, intercepting a tax refund, the government seizing property, or something similar. However, of course, there are exceptions to the rule.

If you need to pay child support but there is a major life change, there’s always the possibility to petition the court. You may be able to modify the child support payment if you face a job loss or are going through a serious illness at the time.

Who Gets the Child Support Payment?

If you are going through a divorce, the financial stress that you are feeling is enough on its own. But add in child support, and it can become even more stressful very quickly.

One of the most popular questions is who gets the child support payment during the divorce.

This typically goes toward the custodial parent. The custodial parent is the one who cares for the child on most days or for the most amount of time.

The non-custodial parent will be the one making the payments to the custodial parent. These payments depend on the income of the parents, the expenses of the child, and the time spent with the child.

How Child Support Is Calculated

Calculating child support is not a random process. The federal government requires that each state has their own process to calculate child support. The amount of child support is based on the parent’s income and expenses.

Although there are some other factors, this is the majority of what is taken into account by the courts.

However, the court will also look at the child’s needs and how likely the non-custodial parent is to be able to make payments. By looking at these factors, the state may determine that using the normal formula shouldn’t be done in this case. This is done on a case-by-case basis.More Details

The Income Shares Model is the most popularly used model for child support payments across 40 states. To determine the amount of child support, the states do the following:

  • The income of the parents is added together
  • Based on this number, a basic child support obligation number is determined
  • Based on this number, other considerations are taken into account such as medical care or work-related and child-care expenses
  • The child care support obligation is then split between parents based on a prorated rate determined by their income

Understanding Child Support

Going through a divorce is never easy, but having to go through the divorce and figure out your legal obligations as a parent for child support is even more difficult.

Getting used to having two houses can be extremely difficult for you and your former spouse. Luckily, 2houses is a program designed to help make the transition easier so you can focus on your own health and well-being during this difficult time.

With 2houses, you can keep track of finances, calendars, and everything else having to do with co-parenting all in one place.

If you feel that you’d benefit from this, you can start your free trial today to try it out before committing!

USA Military Divorce, Its Causes and Effects

USA Military Divorce, Its Causes and Effects

Maintaining a healthy marriage is consistent work, especially when children are involved. It is an intimate, frustrating, fulfilling, and often overwhelming undertaking all at the same time. Yet, for the service men and women of the US military, it is often a breaking point.

It’s no secret that military personal experience some of the highest rates of divorce and separation in the country. A result of the incredible toll active military service can have on the private lives of its servicemen and women.

Yet, this phenomenon is not without its understanding. Today we’ll be exploring the common causes of military divorce, as well as the effects military divorce can have on your family. To provide you with the knowledge and support you need to navigate this difficult time.

The Common Causes of Military Divorce

It’s important to quantify that there is nothing inherently different about a military marriage and any other marriage. They can fall apart in all the same ways as each other, with nothing to do with the military at all.

We, however, will be unpacking many of the studied reasons that specifically military divorces occur. Causing them to be some of the highest divorce rates in the country.

Long Deployments

Perhaps the most obvious culprit is the deployments. Soldiers can be stationed for months, even years, at a time before returning home. This puts unimaginable strain on a marriage, with long bouts of loneliness.

In addition to that loneliness, studies have shown that couples often struggle to readjust after deployment. Creating an environment that fosters conflict, discomfort, and eventual emotional isolation.

Domestic Violence

Whether we like to admit it or not, statistics don’t lie. Service members of the US military have a higher-than-average rate of domestic violence, a trend that matches other high-stress occupations. This plays a large role in the high rate of divorces within the armed services.

A study conducted by the University of Florida showed that domestic violence was particularly prevalent within couples where a service member recently left the service.

Untreated Mental Health Problems

Tragically, mental health whilst being much more understood and treatable these days go staggeringly undertreated in the armed services. This is despite an honest effort by the US military to offer robust mental health treatment for their servicemen and women.

Service members can suffer from PTSD, violent outbursts, depression, anxiety, and much more. These issues, if left untreated, can often drive a wedge between couples.

Adultery

Whilst cheating on your partner is never acceptable, it is somewhat understandable for its common presence in military couples. With long bouts of loneliness, uncertainty, and doubt, a perfect recipe for adultery is made.

Studies have shown that any couple who spends a significant amount of time away from each other repeatedly, in the case of months to years, has a higher rate of adultery. This fact holds for military couples.

Exploring The Effects of Military Divorce on Children

A military divorce can have a wide range of lasting effects on your children. Many of these are typical for any divorce but often made worse by an absent deployed serviceman or woman. Let’s break down some of the most common effects, in a broad-stroke sense.

If you would like to read about these effects in more detail, you can read our detailed write-up, or check our blog for a variety of topics related to this complex subject.

Higher Rate of Mental Illness

Studies have shown that children of divorced parents exhibit higher rates of mental illness later in life. These mental illnesses can range from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and eating disorders, as well as a wide range of other conditions.

Within the context of a military divorce, your child will be feeling even further isolated from one of their parents. This loneliness, mixed with the confusion all children have about divorce, and the infrequent nature of one parent’s presence in the child’s life, is often identified as starting point for these issues.

Sudden Behavioral Shift

In the short term, your child will likely experience a foundational shift in their behavior. It is one of the most common effects of military divorce and can have lasting negative impacts on a child’s social skills, mental health, and more.

These effects include, but are not limited to:

  • Sudden destructive behavior,
  • Arguing,
  • Shouting, temper problems, or tantrums,
  • Lashing out physically,
  • Being quiet, not wanting to be around others,
  • Crying.

Housing Instability

One of the more unique effects that face children of military divorce is housing instability. Whilst one parent may be consistently home, a military partner will likely be away for months to years at a time. Servicemen and women are also highly likely to be deployed overseas, sometimes for a large portion of their military career.

For children, this will often feel like losing a parent completely. Unlike most other divorces, where both parents will be present in the child’s life, military divorces can force one parent to be absent from their child’s life for longer than is healthy.

Children will experience feelings of rejection, loneliness, and even resentment toward their more present parent.

Insomnia

For decades studies into insomnia have underlined the connection between children of divorce and insomnia later in life. Over half of insomnia patients express that their difficulty sleeping began when they were young. Brought on by intense stress, depression, anxiety, and overall, deep emotional turmoil.

Complimentary studies have also reflected that these emotional effects on children of military divorce are seen in much higher frequency, due to a range of lifestyle factors present in children of military servicemen and women.

In Conclusion

Anyone who suffers through a divorce or separation will indeed, to some degree, be going through a unique situation. However, that doesn’t mean that nothing can be learned from the countless examples that come before.

With the information outlined here today, covering the causes and effects of military divorce or separation, we hope you have a greater understanding of the struggles military marriages face and their children in the event of a divorce.

Never forget that there is support out there for you and your family. Don’t hesitate to reach out to those you trust.

Child Custody Evaluation: How Experts Determine the Best Interests of the Child

Child Custody Evaluation

Roughly one in every three children will see their parent’s marriage fail.

Divorce is increasingly common and does leave an impact on kids that are directly involved. The biggest impact on a child is the custody arrangement as they may need to change their daily routines. This is why it’s so important to understand custody evaluations.

Custody evaluations are there to determine the best interest of a child. This evaluation takes a wide range of factors into consideration to help draft a solid parenting plan. This plan is designed with the child in mind, not the parents.

Want to learn more about child custody evaluations? Read on for what you need to know about the types of custody arrangements and how a decision is finalized.

Types of Child Custody Arrangements

There are a few unique custody arrangements that you should know about. These arrangements range from legal custody to joint custody where both parents share in daily responsibilities. Here’s a quick look at the various custody arrangements.

Legal Custody

Legal custody is full custody of your child. This kind of custody goes further than physical custody as the parent is able to make long-term decisions about the child’s well-being. This includes decisions about education, medical issues, and even living arrangements.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is full custody of a child without the ability to make long-term decisions. This means that you are in control of where the child lives along with the day-to-day activities. Major decisions like moving to another school or city will still need to be agreed upon by both parents.

Sole Custody

Sole custody is where one parent gets full custody of the child. This kind of custody arrangement is given to people with abusive partners or where safety can’t be guaranteed for the child. The safety and well-being of your child are always the main priorities.

Joint Custody

Joint custody is the most popular custody arrangement for divorced couples. This custody arrangement gives both parents the ability to have a say in the child’s future. Decisions for the child are the responsibility of both parents, including finalizing living arrangements.

In most cases, the child will stay with one parent during the week and with the other parent on weekends. However, the ultimate decision does lay with both parents.

Determining the Best Interest of a Child

There are a few major factors that come up when discussing child custody. At the end of the day, all of these factors are looked at to determine the best situation going forward. Here’s a quick look at these factors.

Child’s Age

Your child’s age is an incredibly influential factor. Young children require more care and attention than older kids. This means that judges are more inclined to give custody to the primary caregiver.

When it comes to older children, the court may take their personal wishes into consideration. As long as their decision does not contradict the other factors, the court is likely to side with the wishes of the child.

Consistency

Courts will always try to make the child’s life a priority. This includes keeping the child’s daily routine as consistent as possible. From living arrangements to school and external activities, the least number of changes the better.

Parental Ability

Parental ability is a major factor when deciding who gets custody. This ability includes providing the child with physical and emotional support. However, it also includes financial support such as shelter, food, medical care, and education.

This is not to say that the wealthier parent will always get custody. Instead, this requirement is just to make sure that the child will maintain their lifestyle with the parent that gets custody. This is to make sure that the child is not impacted by the transition.

Changing Routines

When it comes to making a custody agreement, the judge will try to limit the changes that impact the child’s daily life. This means that the child’s typical routine is taken into consideration to determine where they should stay.

General Safety

The general safety of your child will always be taken into consideration in family court. If there’s any indication that your child may not be safe with one parent, the judge will take all necessary steps to ensure the child’s safety. This could be denying custody to that parent or setting limitations for the custody agreement.

Creating a Parenting Plan

Creating a parenting plan is essential to help you co-parent successfully. This plan should include time for family activities with both parents. However, this is still dependent on the custody arrangement that has been agreed on.

The best way to manage your parenting plan is to have a shared calendar. This calendar can help plan activities and schedule when your child will visit each parent. Cloud-based calendars are the best option as both parents will be able to contribute to your child’s schedule.

This is also great to help inform both parents of any changes so that they can prepare in advance.

Let 2houses Help with Your Parenting Plan

As parents, you want to give your child the best foundation possible. Even though a divorce can cause some disruptions, a solid parenting plan can ensure that your child is taken care of properly. Whether you have shared custody or weekend visiting rights, it’s important to have a solid plan so that there’s no confusion for your child.

2houses offers convenient, comprehensive tools to help you create and manage your parenting plan. The platform lets you create a simple, cloud-based calendar along with messaging and financial tools. Learn more and start your free trial today.

Parenting Plan: How to Create a Workable Schedule After Divorce

Parenting Plan

Joint custody is more common today than ever before, but that doesn’t always make it easy to set up. After a separation or divorce, figuring out how to co-parent your kids can be much harder than you’d imagine.

If you’re like most divorced parents, one of your most pressing questions is “How do we create a parenting plan for our family?” Juggling work schedules, extracurricular activities, visits to grandparents, and more can feel impossible.

Fortunately, there’s a lot you can do to rein in the chaos. Let’s take a look at a few insights on creating a calendar that works for your whole family.

Tips Before Starting

Whether you’re just filing for divorce or you’ve been co-parenting for years, make sure to start on the right foot.

Keep the Kids in Mind

This tip may sound obvious, but it’s important.

Co-parenting means setting feelings of hurt aside to focus on what’s best for your kids. Strong emotions can make this hard, but don’t forget that your kids’ stability and happiness come first.

Avoid using your kids as messengers during your discussions about your calendar. You and your co-parent need to be able to speak directly. Aim to address each other with respect, to compromise, and to seek counseling or mediation if needed.

Work as a Team

Though we won’t get too far into this topic here, now is also a good time to discuss the consistency between houses.

What rules will you set up for curfews and other scheduling concerns? What types of privileges, restrictions, and discipline will you use?

Making sure your kids know what to expect from both parents can create a sense of stability.

Types of Joint Custody Schedules

Depending on your family’s needs, there are a few different joint custody schedules you can choose from.

Alternating Weeks

The most common option is a weekly parenting schedule. This involves allowing kids to switch from home to home on alternating weeks. Often, the transition between homes is easiest over the weekend.

Some families adapt this schedule by adding visits or overnight stays in the middle of the week. This can help ensure that kids get to see each parent at least once per week, and it can also allow kids to attend certain extracurriculars.

Weekend Schedule

The weekend schedule, also called a 5-2 schedule, means that one parent gets the kids each weekday while the other gets them on weekends. This is ideal for parents who prefer a set schedule, though it often means the parent with weekend custody gets more downtime with the kids.

Mid-Week Rotations

There are many different types of rotating schedules that offer more contact with both parents during the week. However, these schedules can sometimes make it trickier for kids to stick to an extracurricular schedule.

In a 2-2-3 rotation, for example, kids spend two days with one parent, two days with another, and three days back with the first. The schedule allows parents to swap the three-day weekend between households.

Other schedules include 3-3-4-4 rotations and 2-2-5-5 rotations. Some families also alternate between either two- or three-day rotations.

Brainstorming Your Post-Divorce Schedule

Co-parenting schedules will always look different from family to family. After all, just as every family is different, so is every child within that family. When you and your ex consider your new schedule, make sure you’re thinking about every detail that makes your family unique.

At this point, it helps to have your calendars, special dates, and other scheduling details in front of you.

Here are a few things you’ll want to consider while you brainstorm:

  • The ages of your children
  • Any special needs your children have
  • The types of child custody each parent has
  • The arrival and dismissal times for each child’s school
  • Each child’s extracurricular schedule
  • Each parent’s work schedule
  • Holidays, religious celebrations, and school breaks
  • Third-party visits, such as weeks with grandparents or relatives
  • The travel time between both households
  • The financial situation of each household
  • Each child’s medical needs

Talking to your child or children is helpful as well. When the situation allows, let them make choices about when they move homes and where they stay.

It’s also a good idea to avoid a few key things. For example, try not to make your transition times unreasonable when possible. Early morning or late night transitions can be hard on kids.

Though it can’t always be helped, try not to make your kids move between households too often in a single week. This is especially true for small children, who often need more stability.

Creating a Visual Calendar

Once you’ve brainstormed the type of plan you want and the specific scheduling for your family, creating a calendar can help. This makes it easier for everyone to see where kids should be at all times.

Ideally, your co-parenting calendar information should be online and interactive. This makes it easy to stay organized and see your schedule at a glance on the go.

Tweaking Your Post-Separation Schedule

Keep in mind that no schedule should be set in stone. It’s important, especially in the beginning, to make sure that your calendar is meeting your kids’ needs.

As you start using your schedule, take note of any issues that arise. Be careful not to assign blame for these issues while everyone adjusts to the calendar.

Common issues include missed pickups, events that run longer than expected, and scheduling conflicts. You should also get a feel for your children’s behavior and their reactions to the new calendar.

If any issues seem to be more than a one-off mistake, don’t be afraid to tweak your calendar.

If you happen to be using our parenting schedules, note that they can help you send messages and make change requests online. This can help parents adjust their schedules and find alternative dates fast.

Insights From Our Family to Yours

Here at 2houses, we know how stressful it can be to manage custody after a separation or divorce. That’s why we work to offer helpful tips and resources to parents who want the best for their kids.

Our online calendar is a great tool for any parent who needs a little help getting organized. Setting schedules, sending messages, and managing changes is a breeze through our simple interface. To try it for yourself, start your 14-day free trial now!

Navigating Child Custody and Visitation During Divorce

How to Navigate Child Custody and Visitation During Divorce or Separation

When you are in the depths of a divorce or separation, it is not hyperbole to state that you are likely in one of the most emotionally difficult times of your life. You will have no shortage of strong emotions kicking around, making day-to-day life a struggle.

Yet, for children of parents currently in the midst of a divorce or separation, their day-to-day lifestyle will be of paramount concern. Children will want to know what is happening, where they will sleep, if they will see a certain parent and when. These questions are extremely common for children in this situation.

Unlike after a divorce or separation where a co-parenting arrangement can be created, during a divorce or separation is often a turbulent time to make these arrangements. Yet, it is important that you do so.

Today we’ll be exploring how to best navigate child custody and visitation during a divorce or separation, and provide you with the tools and insight to make the best of this difficult time in your life.

Keep The Child Informed

Before we delve into the specifics of how child custody and visitation will work from your perspective, it’s important we quickly outline the child’s perspective. Children are intelligent, even at a young age, and they will know their life is changing.

To best support your child through this time, we recommend you:

  • Are as honest and up-front as you can be with their questions, as long as the answers are appropriate for a child,
  • Reassure them that they will still see both parents, even if one parent is away during divorce proceedings,
  • Inform them about the changes to their life, and how you are navigating the situation,
  • Ask them what they want in a co-parenting arrangement. Such as “Do you want Daddy to pick you up from footy practice?” or “Do you want to be with Mommy on the weekend?”
    • Important: Refrain from asking these questions as a method of skewing the co-parenting arrangement in someone’s favour. Instead, approach these questions with the intention of giving your child agency over this change in their life.

Two Roads Ahead of You: Legally Defined or Not

Divorce proceedings will often go down two different roads. You will either be pursuing divorce with legal representation, or you will be filing for an uncontested divorce (Also known as a no-fault divorce) through the legal system, but won’t actually require any legal representation.

The nature of how you are pursuing a divorce will dictate the tools you have at your disposal when it comes to visitation and child custody. Let’s explore both of these in a little more detail, and see how each will differ when it comes to child custody and visitation.

Traditional Divorce Proceedings

For couples working through a more traditional divorce proceeding, each with their own legal representation, mediation services and procedures will be available to help you create a stop-gap arrangement for child custody and visitation.

The process is quite straightforward, involving the legal mediator sitting with both parents and discussing a fair co-parenting arrangement that works for both of you. It’s important to note that unless there is any danger to the child (In the event of violence, abuse, etc) then this agreement will strive for equality.

A judge may be required to approve the agreement, ensuring that fair and equal grounds have been met and that the child’s safety, security, and care are the priority of the agreement.

A Temporary Child Custody Order will then be signed by both parties, outlining a structure for your child’s life, each parent’s responsibilities, drop-off times, as well as any other finite details that need to be straightened out. You can see this as a temporary parenting plan, and it will serve as how you’ll operate until the divorce is final.

Uncontested (No-Fault) Divorce

If you are pursuing an uncontested or no-fault divorce, then you will not have these legal frameworks available to you. This won’t come as a surprise, as if you are pursuing a no-fault divorce, then you and your ex-partner have managed to agree to fair terms to your split that don’t involve legal mediation.

This carries over to your co-parenting responsibilities for your child. To have a no-fault or uncontested divorce granted by a judge, then the court will need to see that you have created an effective co-parenting arrangement for any children under the age of eighteen.

This is why it’s a good idea to sit down and create an official parenting plan, even if it only serves as a temporary arrangement until the divorce is finalized. The agreement should outline all facets of your child’s life, including:

  • Where they will sleep on what days,
  • Drop off and pick up locations,
  • How to handle birthdays and holidays,
  • Who will take the child to certain activities,
  • And more…

Handling Visitation During a Rocky Divorce

It’s important we acknowledge that there will be divorces with more serious circumstances. This could include elements of substance abuse, domestic abuse, and more. If this is the case with your ex-partner, then it can be tempting to cut off visitation, or difficult to come to an arrangement that doesn’t cause significant emotional turmoil.

As tempting as it is, we urge you to allow visitation if an amicable and safe arrangement can be made. Family courts will often look down on any attempt to prevent a child from seeing their parent, as long as that child is safe to do so.

If you feel unsafe, or simply can’t communicate with your ex-partner to make this arrangement, then legal mediation is a good option to form this arrangement. However, it is not required, and a simple arrangement of regular visitation can be made verbally.

You are free to dictate the terms, but you must strive for a fair arrangement when it comes to your child. As difficult as it is, you must separate the circumstances of the divorce from how your children interact with their parents. The courts will expect that attitude from both parties, regardless of the kind of divorce proceedings you are taking.

In Conclusion

Trying to ensure a secure and loving future for your children during a divorce or separation can be a deeply exhausting task. It’s easy to see why many couples in the process of divorce or separation can get this wrong, making mistakes that could affect their child’s well-being in the long run.

Thankfully, with the information outlined here, you now have a more solid understanding of what is expected of you from legal divorce proceedings. As well as how to handle creating a temporary custody order, and managing visitation during the divorce proceedings.

Never hesitate to reach out and find support for yourself in this trying time. Everyone can do with a helping hand, and there is no shortage of resources out there to ensure you get the support you need.

Outcomes of Divorce on Children: Infants to Adults

Outcomes of Divorce or Separation for Infants to Adults

It’s no secret that we can never truly know how our children will mature into adults. As parents, we like to think we have a solid grasp on who they are as people, but deep down, we understand that the adult world will often shape our children in ways out of our control.

Much of our effort as parents is focused on the time we do have control over, specifically our child’s formative years. As these years will shape a considerable amount of our child’s demeanour throughout their adult life.

Sadly, a divorce or separation can have a profound effect on a child’s growth. Research has shown that a wide range of behavioural, emotional, and even philosophical changes caused by a divorce or separation can shape children in their adult years.

Today we’ll be exploring those changes, and specifically outlining what this may mean for the adult your child will one day become.

Outcomes of Divorce or Separation: By Age Group

Depending on the age of your child when the divorce or separation happens, the effects can differ. We’ve explored these effects in detail, across our other in-depth articles on the subject. For a better understanding, we recommend you also read those.

Today we’ll be taking a broad-stroke look at how each age group responds to divorce. Providing you with a foundational understanding of what your child may be going through.

Then, we’ll discuss how these effects can manifest in developmental and growth outcomes for your child as an adult.

Birth to 18 Months

Although this may come as a surprise, divorce or separation can have an effect as early as birth. Infants may sense a conflict between their parents and in the house, but they are unable to comprehend why it is happening. If the stress persists, babies may exhibit frequent emotional outbursts, and become irritable and clinging, especially around unfamiliar individuals. Additionally, they could regress or have developmental delays.

18 Months to 3 Years Old

Children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years might experience emotional and psychological effects from divorce. A child’s primary link with their parents throughout the toddler years makes any significant upheaval in the home environment challenging to accept and understand. Furthermore, toddlers are egocentric and could believe they are to blame for their parent’s divorce. They may frequently scream and demand more attention than normal, regress and resume thumb-sucking, fight toilet training, grow afraid of being left alone, have difficulty falling asleep, or have difficulties sleeping by themselves at night.

3 to 6 Years Old

Divorce is a challenging topic for kids between the ages of 3 and 6, mostly due to the terrifying amount of uncertainty it brings. No matter how stressful their home life may be, pre-schoolers do not comprehend the concept of divorce and do not want their parents to split.

Pre-schoolers, like toddlers, could think that they are ultimately to blame for their parent’s divorce. They can feel apprehensive about the future, repress their anger, have unfavourable thoughts or ideas, or have frequent nightmares.

6 to 11 Years Old

Children between the ages of 6 and 11 who are in school may experience emotions of abandonment as a result of divorce. Younger children, particularly those aged 5 to 8, may not comprehend the idea and believe their parents are divorcing them. They can be concerned about losing one of their parents and have fantasies about their parents reconciling. Kids frequently think they can “save” their parents’ union.

Children between the ages of 8 and 11 may hold one parent responsible for the breakup and side with the “good” parent against the “bad.” As they show their rage in many ways, such as by fighting with peers, lashing out at the outside world, or becoming worried, withdrawn, or sad, they may accuse their parents of being cruel or selfish. Some children have physical signs of divorce, such as unsettled stomachs or headaches brought on by stress, as well as fabricated illnesses that cause them to miss school.

 

The Outcomes Moving into Adult Life

Starting in their teenage years, children will begin to demonstrate many of the psychological effects on their personality, growth, and philosophy, that a divorce or separation may have caused. It’s important to note that it’s no guarantee these effects will take root, but we will be outlining them under the assumption they have.

As outlined in the academic research paper “Children of Divorce:  An Investigation of the Developmental Effects from Infancy Through Adulthood” by Leeann Kot and Holly M. Shoemaker, adults (and teenagers) of divorced parents exhibit a higher likelihood of:

  • Depression,
  • Anxiety disorders,
  • Anger issues,
  • Poor communication/social skills, especially with their parents,
  • Insomnia,
  • Emotional instability or sensitivity,
  • Inferiority complex,
  • Disillusion with future marriage prospects,
  • Poor academic engagement,
  • Nihilistic attitude towards relationships in general,
  • Anti-social or destructive behaviour.

In Conclusion

Whilst research into children of divorce and their adult development can be daunting, it’s no cause for alarm. Research has reflected time and time again that children with a strong support network, close connection with their parents, and an honest dialogue to discuss what they are feeling, will often overcome these issues early.

There are no guarantees in life, but being there for your child, and educating yourself on what they’re going through, is the most effective step you can take. Never forget, there is no shortage of support out there for you as well.

Adolescent Adjustment to Parental Divorce

Going through a divorce or separation is a turbulent time, with a wealth of emotions going around on all fronts. It’s no secret that navigating through this is a monolithic task, and we are not always going to do our best.

Yet, for parents of adolescent teens, this time can be difficult for a much different reason. Unlike young children, adolescent teens have the emotional capacity to comprehend fully what is going on. Sadly, they are rarely equipped with the emotional maturity, and introspective tools, to process this healthily.

This can leave adolescents in a rough spot when it comes to adjusting to this new reality of their parental unit. As parents, it can often be difficult to fully understand what our adolescent children are feeling, and how to best help them cope.

Today we’ll be exploring what research into adolescent adjustment to parental divorce has shown us when it comes to understanding how your child may feel, how to best support them and help put them on the right path to processing this tectonic shift in their lives.

Unpacking What Is Going Through an Adolescent’s Mind During Divorce

Just like their parents, an adolescent teen will be feeling and thinking a lot during this time. For some, this may be the first major change in their entire lives. Let’s cover what your child may be feeling, and what their practical concerns maybe once they learn the news.

Feelings

  • They may feel relaxed, even happy if this is something that has been building for some time. It’s not uncommon for adolescents to identify this moment as a fresh start,
  • Overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, if they think they are the cause of the divorce or separation,
  • Resentful that you’ve made this choice, changing their life and forcing them to deal with your problems,
  • They may feel relieved if the relationship with one parent is tense, and they see this as a method of distancing themselves, or resolving a longstanding conflict,
  • Worried about losing contact with one of their parents, or even both of you, due to the parents no longer wanting to be together,
  • Anxious about the future, not knowing what’s going to happen, or how it’s going to happen.

Practical Concerns

  • Where are they going to live?
  • Will they have two houses? Can they stay in one house as a primary residence?
  • Will they have to move schools, states, or even countries?
  • Will both parents still support them in the future?

It’s important to note: These feelings and concerns, on the surface, may seem short-sighted, selfish, and perhaps even annoying or stupid given the context of your divorce or separation. However, the human mind is rarely a purely rational being.

It’s vital that you don’t pass judgement on how your child may be feeling, or what they are thinking. In a lot of ways, your child will be in crisis mode.

Let’s discuss how to address these feelings and concerns down below.

Helping Your Adolescent to Adjust to a Divorce or Separation

There is a range of methods you can employ to help your adolescent child adjust, and they’re not difficult.

Let’s explore them one by one:

Maintain Normal Routines

It will be simpler for your child to adjust to the change in your family if they can maintain their daily routine, continue living in the same home or neighbourhood, attend the same school, and continue participating in usual activities like sports.

Shield Your Child from Conflict

Being exposed to hostility and constant disagreement between you and your child’s other parent is bad for your child’s mental health.

Therefore, it’s preferable if you can refrain from discussing the problems of the separation with your child or disparaging their former parent. When your youngster isn’t there, speak to a friend or member of your family if you need to vent your irritation. Another option is to speak with a counsellor.

Provide a Safe Space to Talk Openly

Your adolescent will need the opportunity to voice their thoughts once you have had your say. This might happen when you initially speak to them or afterwards when they’ve had some time to reflect.

This can help them better manage challenging emotions and worries by talking about them. Active listening may also assist you in determining the best way to soothe your kid when they are ready to speak.

Your child may express the desire to chat with another trusted adult, such as an aunt or uncle, a family friend, a teacher, or a counsellor if they find it difficult to talk to you about the separation. This is perfectly healthy, and you shouldn’t take this personally.

Reassure Your Child

Teenagers will often be feeling a lot of emotions, and have a lot of questions about their future. Regardless of what they’re feeling or thinking, it’s important that you’re there to reassure them, and have an honest conversation about their concerns.

Your child will need to be reassured, often several times. You may find you can’t provide reassurance for everything, but continue to be honest and open with them. Providing them with a space to get reassurance when they need it.

In Conclusion

There is no secret trick or hack to helping your adolescent adjust to a divorce or separation. Simply being present, open, and honest are the key pillars that will help your child to navigate this difficult time.

As parents, this can be overwhelming. Rest assured that there is no shortage of support out there for you as well. We all need a helping hand, and research has shown countless times that a strong support network is beneficial for everyone.

Parental Divorce and The Consequences for Children

Parental Divorce and The Consequences for Children

Choosing to divorce or separate is never without its complications. There are often unique elements to this choice for every couple, with varying degrees of emotional, financial, and lifestyle impacts depending on your circumstances.

However, children are one key factor that undercuts this choice for everyone. It’s no secret that the choice to separate or divorce can profoundly impact your child’s growth, and may play a key role in how they develop into an adult.

This can be a paralyzing reality that many couples face when they choose to divorce or separate. Often leading to anxiety about how to best prepare, support, and nurture your child through this foundational change in your child’s, and your own lives.

Today we’ll be exploring the consequences of divorce or separation for children. Specifically, we’ll be taking a research and academic-based approach, to equip you with the information you need to make this transition in a healthy and supportive manner.

Do Not Fear the Headlines – The Truth About the Consequences

It’s vital that we first outline an important piece of information, before exploring the consequences a divorce or separation can have on your child. The important word in that sentence is “can”. 

When parents research this topic, it is very easy to become alarmed. The truth is, there are many different aspects of your child’s life, growth, and personality that can be shaped by divorce or separation.

Yet, as is outlined in a wide range of academic papers on the subject, including “The Impact of Parental Divorce on Children’s Educational Attainment, Marital Timing, and Likelihood of Divorce” by Verna M. Keith and Barbara Finlay, these effects are merely more likely.

Unpacking The Statistics: An Example Dissected

To provide an example: Research has shown that children who have divorced or separated parents are more likely to be prone to mental illness later in life.

On the surface, that’s an alarming piece of information. Until you learn that the increase is merely a few percent. Meaning only a fraction of children with divorced or separated parents has suffered this consequence.

When reading the consequences below, you must keep this reality of statistics in mind. Your child may suffer none of these effects. They may not suffer these effects as a result of your divorce or separation either. 

The overwhelming majority of research into this subject has underlined one key factor to a child’s future after divorce. If they have love, support, and a strong connection with their parents, then they have everything they need to grow into perfectly healthy adults.

Emotional Consequences

A divorce or separation will have many immediate emotional effects on your child. This may be the first time your child is faced with a range of emotions, especially depression, stress, and anxiety. Because of this, there is a range of emotional consequences that can present themselves.

Depression

Children often lack the introspective tools adults rely on to process a significant change in their lifestyles, such as a divorce or separation. Yet, research has shown that children will often become introspective regardless.

Because they are ill-equipped to properly process this sudden introspection, this can manifest itself as depression. It is common for children to blame themselves, and think they played a key role in their parent’s divorce.

In the long-term, research has reflected that children of divorce suffer a higher rate of depression in adult life.

Anxiety & Stress

Both anxiety and stress will be the most present consequence your child faces on an emotional level, as the result of a divorce or separation. If your child is under the age of eight, this is likely the first time they’ve experienced these two emotions as well.

Your child will likely become hyper-focused on the smaller parts of life. What’s for breakfast? Do I get a juice box? Can I play with my toys later? What are you doing?

Questions like this, whilst innocent on the surface (And expected from almost any child) are a sign your child is stressing out, or anxious, over small details. These questions will likely become more frequent as a result.

Lifestyle Consequences

Tackling lifestyle consequences is difficult, due to the broad nature of our lives. No two lives are the same, and the consequences your child will face as a result will differ. Yet, there is one key consequence that the vast majority of children will face as the result of a divorce or separation.

Two Homes – How to Adjust?

This is a complex topic, and we highly recommend you read our more in-depth article exploring this in more detail. However, we can provide some small insight into how to better handle this reality in the short term.

Honest and open communication is the key to helping your child adapt to suddenly having two homes. Simply be upfront with them, explain the situation, and provide your child with their own space in each home.

In the long term, our article goes into more detail. However, there are no research-based findings that suggest any lasting negative effects as a result of this lifestyle change.

Behavioral Consequences

Perhaps the most explored area of research for the consequences faced by children of divorce is behavioral consequences. This is primarily a result of how children, especially before their teenage years, primarily communicate.

As parents, we will be attuned to the behavior of our children. A shift in their typical behavior is easy to spot, and research has shown that a majority of children will present drastic shifts in their behavior in the short term.

These consequences include:

  • Sudden destructive behavior,
  • Arguing,
  • Shouting, temper problems, or tantrums,
  • Lashing out physically,
  • Being quiet, not wanting to be around others,
  • Crying.

These behavioral consequences are to be expected in the short term. Your child will be struggling with complex emotions. Research has shown that in the long term if left unchecked, this can lead to anger problems, depression, anxiety disorders, as well as a range of other mental illnesses.

In Conclusion

The consequences faced by children of divorce are diverse and complex. Presenting what can often feel like an impossible quandary at an already difficult time. Whilst the statistical likelihood of your child developing long-term negative effects is small, that likelihood still exists.

Thankfully, this reality is not without its silver lining. Now equipped with a broader understanding of the short-term and long-term consequences a divorce or separation can have on a child, you have the tools you need to provide support for this drastic change in your child’s life.

For more in-depth analysis on many of these topics, we highly recommend you browse our wealth of information on this topic.