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A Divorced Parent’s Guide to the 2-2-5-5 Schedule

Divorced Parent's Guide to the 2-2-5-5 Schedule

Finalizing your divorce can take a looooong time.

Did you know Californians are legally required to wait 6 months + 1 day after they file for divorce before it can even go to court? Looks like West Coast judges got tired of impulsive celebrities changing their minds.

The already grueling divorce process takes even longer for couples with children together.

No matter where you live, deciding on a parenting plan before going to court saves you weeks of headache and thousands of dollars. So while you wait a few more weeks for you ex’s lawyer to call your lawyer back, it may benefit you to start researching the 2-2-5-5 schedule for physical custody.

In this post, we’re breaking down everything you need to know about this popular custody arrangement. While it definitely will not work for everyone, there’s a reason this custody schedule is so well known.

Keeping reading to learn more about 2-2-5-5 parenting.

But first, let’s review the basics:

What is a Parenting Plan?

A parenting plan is a court order outlining the terms of child custody between two divorced parents. Other words for parenting plan are “custody schedule” or “visitation plan.”

Your parenting plan will cover things like

  • legal custody
  • physical custody
  • visitation rights
  • alimony and shared expenses
  • family members approved for childcare

All of these decisions should be made in the best interests of the child, not just the parents’ convenience. Parents should consider how best to emotionally support their children while apart, as well as nailing down practical aspects of custody.

It’s common for parents to create several temporary parenting plans during the divorce process. However, a clearly defined parenting plan is one of the most essential parts of a finalized divorce. Don’t be afraid to take your time.

Today, we’ll dive into just one small aspect of an overall parenting plan.

Ready?

Making Your Custody Schedule

Parenting plans come in as many shapes and sizes as the families who make them. There is no ultimate right or wrong custody schedule—as long as the wellbeing of the children is priority number one.

The right custody schedule is one in which everyone is safe and feels at peace with the arrangement. In some cases, it’s best for one parent to have sole physical custody of the children. The other parent may be allowed scheduled visitation rights.

But in other cases, children want to see both of their parents regularly. In shared parenting, a divorce attorney may suggest a number of different custody schedules to help you split time with your children.

You may have heard of children who spend the school year with their mother and summer vacations with their dad. Or, another popular arrangement is one week on, one week off; one week with mom, next week with dad.

But what do you do if both parents want to be as hands-on as possible? What if the children are very small and still need as much time with both parents as they can get?

Introducing the 2-2-5-5 custody schedule.

What is a 2-2-5-5 Schedule?

Here’s an easy way to remember the 2-2-5-5 schedule:

One parent gets Mondays and Tuesdays every week. The other parent gets Wednesdays and Thursdays every week.

Each parent gets to spend Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with the children every other week.

In other words, some weeks you’ll see your children for two weekdays. Other weeks you’ll get them for five straight days. That span of five days will always include the same weekday you always see them, plus the weekend.

That’s two consistent weekdays and alternating custody for the weekends. (So really, it’s a 2-5-5-2 schedule most of the time.)

Wait.

I know what you’re thinking…

How on *earth* am I supposed to keep track of all those swaps?

Most parents plan custody exchanges around mealtimes or the end of the school day. They also make changing houses as easy as possible for their kids in a few ways:

  1. keeping the kids’ rooms in each house as consistent as possible between visits
  2. having clothes and toys at each house so kids only pack what they need for school / the day
  3. keeping commutes simple and sticking to consistent meal times

Still confused?

Let’s look at some real examples.

How 2-2-5-5 Works (in Examples)

For this 50/50 custody schedule to work, both parents need to live near each other. If the kids are in school, both parents need to live in that school district. Both parents are going to need to enjoy participating in mundane weekday tasks as well as fun weekend adventures.

Parent A

Parent A is has a flexible work schedule. They live 20 minutes from the daycare their two toddlers attend.

Parent A’s custody schedule looks like this:

Monday – Pick up kids from ex’s house at 8am to drive to daycare. Make sure they have everything they will need for a few days at my house. I pick up kids from daycare and bring them home with me.

Tuesday – I have Tuesdays off and spend the day with the kids. My ex will pick up the kids from my house in the morning. Next week, I know I’m getting 5 days of custody from Friday through Tuesday.

Wednesday– N/A

Thursday – N/A

Friday – N/A

Saturday – N/A

Sunday – N/A

Parent B

Parent B does not have a flexible work schedule and work Monday through Friday. Their house is 10 minutes away from daycare. 

Parent B’s custody schedule for the same week looks like this:

Monday – Make breakfast for the toddlers and help them pack before my ex arrives to take them to daycare. My ex and I confirm that I will be spending Wednesday through Sunday with them this week.

Tuesday – N/A

Wednesday– I pick up kids from ex’s house to take to daycare today. I always take them to daycare every Wednesday and Thursday. Kids come back from daycare with me and stay at my house.

Thursday – Take kids to and from daycare, stay after and talk to their teacher.

Friday – Dinner at my mom’s house with the children after daycare.

Saturday – This weekend, I’m taking the kids to the zoo.

Sunday – Today we clean up and prepare for the week. I get the kids excited to spend 5 whole days with Parent A. I remind them we’ll be back together on Wednesday morning. 

Pros of the 2-2-5-5 Custody Schedule

Assuming you can make it work, there are so many good things to say about this parenting schedule:

The children get to see both parents every single week.

With frequent custody exchanges, it’s easier for children to still feel like they’re part of both parents’ lives. This can help relieve a child’s anxiety about being abandoned by one or more parents during a divorce.

Both parents get to be fully involved with their child’s progress at school.

This custody schedule is fantastic for parents who want to be there for all the little moments. In the 2-2-5-5 schedule, each parent will always get to participate in the weekday routines at least two days a week. But they don’t have to miss out on weekends either.

We won’t sugar coat it for you though.

There are quite a few challenges with this custody schedule…

Cons

If you can’t stay organized, it won’t work.

Out of all the possible custody schedules, 2-2-5-5 definitely has the most moving parts. Although the rotating schedule may be easy enough to memorize, the whole family must be excellent at communicating. One extra appointment, one missed custody exchange appointment, and the whole week could get thrown off.

Location, location, location!

In order for this to work, both parents must live close to each other and close to the schools their children attend. It would be next to impossible to keep this type of schedule if one parent travels often for work, or if one moves out of town.

The 2-2-5-5 Schedule is Best For…

  • parents who live very close to each other
  • parents who can handle frequent contact and face to face exchanges with each other
  • parents who want to be involved in both schoolwork and weekend activities with their kids
  • parents with flexible or alternative work schedules
  • very young children (infants or toddlers) who still need lots of time with each parent and are not yet in school

There’s a reason this is such a popular custody schedule in so many parenting plans. If you can make this type of arrangement work, we highly suggest you try.

This Custody Schedule Will Not Work For

  • parents who have an inconvenient commute between houses
  • parents who do not do well contacting each other many times a week
  • parents and children with busy schedules who have a hard time keeping track of frequent exchanges
  • older children who need housing stability to do well in school
  • children with lots of extracurricular commitments or medical needs that may interfere with exchange times

If your children are already teenagers getting involved with teams at school, it may be best to look at other custody options. Ask them how they would feel about a 2-2-5-5 schedule and see what they say. As much as both parents may want to stay involved, it all comes down to the child’s best interest.

Also, if you honestly don’t believe you’ll be able to keep track of this type of schedule, don’t! Divorce is already one of life’s most stress-inducing events. As much as your children may want to see both you and your ex, they’ll be more excited about your co-parenting when it’s less stressful for everyone.

Before we wrap this up, there’s something else you should know…

Outliers to Consider

Let’s assume you and your former partner talk with your kids and agree on a 2-2-5-5 schedule.

Great!

Before you carve that schedule into stone, there are a few important factors to keep in mind.

Your Kids Might Get Tired of it Before You Do

Remember, this is a great option for infants and toddlers. But, as your kids grow older, they’re likely to grow more attached to their personal space. Having to pack all their gear and assignments between houses may become more trouble than it’s worth.

First Right of Refusal

Don’t become dependent on frequent custody exchanges for childcare. If your custody agreement includes first right of refusal, you need to be prepared to watch over your children for much longer than two or 5 days.

First right of refusal means you are the first person your ex-partner asks to watch the kids in the event they need to hire a babysitter. This goes for plans made in advance and last-minute emergencies.

Even if the schedule you agree on is supposed to be 2-2-5-5, there may be many weeks this isn’t the case. Stay flexible.

Remember You Got This

Coparenting after divorce can get messy and emotional, fast. But it doesn’t have to. Choose the right parenting plan for your family and get ready to roll with the punches.

The 2-2-5-5 schedule for shared custody is an excellent choice for some divorced families. It works especially well if the children are very young and both parents live close.

You may need to adapt the schedule to look more like 5-2-2-5. Or, simply think of it as each parent always getting the same two weekdays + alternating weekends.

A 2-2-5-5 parenting schedule might not work if your children need lots of stability. Older children are more likely to get upset having to pack and move houses this often.

If you do decide to try out this parenting schedule, get ready for lots of exchanges each week. Check out our post on how to handle custody exchange day smoothly.

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Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Top Tips for Parents

Co-Parenting During the Holidays

When you and the other parent of your child or children are no longer together, the holidays can be rough. You want to give the best holiday experience to your entire family, but our stereotype of that experience involves a family that’s still together.

Not being romantically involved with your former partner doesn’t mean that you can’t have a fun and stress-free holiday, though. After all, children often joke about the one benefit of parents in separate households: two holidays!

Jokes aside, I want to tell you how you make co-parenting easy. Between using a co-parenting app, opening up communication, managing bad feelings, and more, here are my top tips for making your holidays special despite your situation.

Talk to Your Children

The first and most important thing that you need to do is talk to your children about the holidays (as long as they’re old enough to understand). Your children are the first priority for both you and your former partner. 

If you’re old enough, ask them what they would like to do. While their choice isn’t the only factor, it gives you a good baseline. The holidays are often child-focused. 

Some children may want to stay with the parent that’s nearest their friends if the other one lives far away. Other children will want to split time. Asking their opinions gives them agency and helps them understand the negotiating process. 

Also, regardless of age, make sure that they understand the situation, especially if it’s your first holiday after a separation. They don’t know what to expect and they may get disappointed if they realize last-minute that the holidays are going to be different this year.

Preparing them ahead of time will make them more comfortable when the holidays finally roll around. This is the new normal, and it may take more than one holiday for them to accept it, but starting them off on the right foot is all that you can do. 

Make Arrangements With Your Former Partner Ahead of Time

You need to plan ahead. You don’t want to have any last-minute disputes over who gets to spend how much time with your children and where they get to spend that time. There are several ways that you can handle this situation.

If you’re on good terms, this still applies. Even the most civil or friendly of co-parenting relationships could get tense during the holidays whether you’re on your first go-around or you’ve been doing this for a while. 

Talk with your former partner about what you want and why you want it, and give them space to do the same. Think of this as a continuation of your separation negotiations. 

If you’re not on good terms, try putting aside your differences for your children, even if this means talking through a middle-man or doing everything online. 

It’s good to have things on paper. Whether it’s in the paperwork for your separation and custody agreements, written in a later contract, recorded on a co-parenting calendar, or simply discussed via text or email, having it on paper allows you to have a paper trail and prevents you or your former partner from forgetting. 

Split Time Equally

Unless there are unusual circumstances, it’s best to split time so both parents have an equal holiday experience with their children. That said, this looks different for every family. 

If you and your former partner live far away from each other, like in different states (or even countries), it may not be possible for your children to spend the same holiday in both places. In this situation, consider alternating years, but evening out the difference with other holidays. 

For example, one parent gets the winter holidays one year, but during that same year, the other parent gets Halloween or Thanksgiving. While it’s not the same, it’s fair. You exchange spots every year outside of extenuating circumstances. 

When you live close together, it’s generally easier to switch back and forth. While only one parent will have the actual holiday (and you should still swap every year), the days before and after are still valuable.

Consider giving Christmas eve to one parent and Christmas to the other. You could also consider giving New Years to the parent that didn’t get Christmas. 

If you’re in an ideal situation, it’s possible that one parent doesn’t celebrate the same holiday as the other. If you celebrate Channukah and your former partner celebrates Christmas, there’s no problem.

Work Past Bad Feelings

Sometimes you need to work through your own emotions when there are other people in the relationship. If your or your partner (or both) re-marries, there may come a time when the children could spend more holiday time with them as they could have two sets of families on each side.

Consider seeing a counselor to discuss this as it’s a more complicated situation. It’s okay to be uncomfortable with your children spending time with the other family, but they come first.  

Discuss Gifts and Activities

It’s crucial that you and your co-parent discuss the details of the holidays before they come around. Notably: the gifts and events.

While doubling up on gifts once in a while is no big deal (after all, who doesn’t want to have a bike or television at both houses?), it’s a good idea to make sure that most gifts are given by one parent or the other.

If your child still believes in Santa, not discussing gifts ahead of time could ruin the illusion. 

Make sure that neither parent tries to “out-do” the other one to cause tension with the children. If you want to get a large gift, like a cell phone, consider doing so together. There’s no need for one parent to out-do the other when the goal is to give the kids a great holiday. 

These rules also apply to events. If you live near each other, it’s tempting to take advantage of every event even if you’re doubling up. Instead, try to split them.

For example, one parent gets to do photos with Santa while the other gets to go through a winter wonderland display. 

Some children may not mind doing an event more than once, but you don’t want one parent getting to all of them first so the child is bored by the time they go through them again. 

Use A Co-Parenting App 

It’s time to start using technology to your advantage. Using a co-parenting app and co-parenting calendar makes everything more seamless year-round. 

Using that app, you can create a parenting calendar that lets you make and track an easy-to-read schedule. When changes come up, they’re easy to make and both parents have access so there’s no confusion. 

It’s easy to message back and forth in a secure setting so there’s no chance of children finding out about potential gifts. You don’t want them listening in on the phone!

It’s also great for exchanging holiday photos. The parent without the children on the holiday may feel sad that they’re missing out. When you can share photos right away, it takes away some of the stress. 

You can even set up a private “social network” so that both sides of the family can keep up with each other. You can post pictures, statuses, videos, articles, and more so everyone has access.

This is a great alternative if you’re no longer comfortable with having your former partner on your normal social media accounts. 

The apps make co-parenting as easy and painless as possible during the holidays and beyond. 

Consider Mediation or Counseling

If you’re having trouble with the negotiation process, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out an unbiased third party to help. The holidays are stressful, so even if you usually get along, you may run into snags.

Many people continue counseling even after the relationship is over. It’s good for you, it’s good for the kids, and it’s a good way to avoid problems when situations like this arise. 

Instead of managing the stress on your own, talk to a mediator. 

Give Children Special Experiences

If your children are new to having to split their holidays, it’s important that you remind them that the holidays are still a happy and special time of year. You don’t want to make them sad or you may risk your child associating that feeling with the holidays. 

This is a perfect time to plan out special experiences.

If you can, look for fun events like breakfast with Santa, light shows, musicals, and anything else that could get your child into the festive spirit. If they have a favorite place that isn’t holiday-related, now is a great time to take them.

You should spend as much family time together as possible. Not all holiday activities are expensive or far from home.

Take your child ice skating or watch some favorite holiday movies with them. Make a point to decorate the tree (if you use one) as a family. If your child bought a gift for their other parent, help them wrap it so they know there’s no animosity. 

You can use this time to set up traditions, like baking special cookies every year or making decorations. 

A split holiday doesn’t have to be a bad holiday. When you show your child how special and warm it can be, they won’t fret when it’s time to split households. 

Consider Celebrating Together

This is an unusual situation, but if you and your co-parent are both up for it, see if you’re able to celebrate together under one roof.

This isn’t always an option, especially soon after the separation occurs. That’s okay and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. 

That said, if you’re on good terms (or even friends), it doesn’t hurt to consider the possibility of working together to make a special holiday for the kids. This doesn’t mean that you’re best friends or reuniting. You’re doing this for the children. 

Your child needs to know (or at least perceive) that you and your former partner are getting along. There should be no yelling, arguing, or otherwise disrupting the peace. 

Coming together for a holiday may give your child a more stable situation. Make sure that they understand that this is a friendly occasion rather than a romantic one.

Even if your former partner has a new partner, coming together in this way can be enjoyable if you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself, though. 

Be Flexible

Flexibility is everything, even during “normal” holidays. There’s so much to do and so little time and things rarely go to plan. 

This is extra true when you’re co-parenting during the holidays. 

Remember that things on either side may go awry. It’s possible that the other parent needs you to have the kids even when it’s “their year,” or vice-versa.

For example, if your co-parent has someone on their side of the family that they don’t get to see often who doesn’t get many opportunities to see the children, consider letting them have “your year” after negotiating a good alternative. 

Be Gentle on Yourself 

At the end of the day, this is a stressful time. You’re managing a new situation and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. You need to take time for yourself.

Engage in self-care and try to slow down despite the quick pace of the holidays. Consider seeking individual counseling if you need to discuss the events without commentary or judgment. 

Don’t put pressure on yourself to give your kids a perfect holiday. No holiday is perfect. What matters is that you’re doing your best to provide a special experience despite the circumstances. Taking care of your mental health helps you provide a better holiday for the kids. 

Use These Co-Parenting Tips for an Easier Split Holiday

No one ever said that co-parenting during the holidays was going to be easy. By using a helpful co-parenting app, keeping an open conversation with your co-parent, and prioritizing the children, it doesn’t have to be stressful. 

Remember that both you and your former partner have your children’s best interests at heart. What matters is that you all have a joyful holiday season.

Are you looking for more guidance and help for your co-parenting experience? Not only does 2houses have helpful articles that make co-parenting easy, but they also have a great co-parenting app that helps you manage all of the details of your split custody. 

For one price per family, you can revitalize your co-parenting. Sign up today and start a 14-day free trial so you can see the difference.