Month: March 2012

The followings videos introduce parts of the book “Co-Parenting works!” which explains you how to deal with co-parenting.

About the author: Tammy Daughtry, author, speaker, advocate, is the founder of Co-Parenting International. She holds a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and has over ten years experience in real-life co-parenting.

The Introduction

Co-Parenting Works!What is the book Co-Parenting Works! about? Is it right for you? What will the stories be like and what will you learn? This videos answers those questions and begins your journey of hope in co-parenting.

Part 1 Introduction: Becoming A Stable And Effective Co-Parent

Co-Parenting Works!Explore the beginning of the journey, the first year after divorce and during separation. No matter where you are in your co-parenting journey, you can get stable and you can move forward…your kids need you to. Watch this video to get an idea of what’s behind this section in the book.

Part 2 Introduction: It’s Not About You, It’s About The Kids

Co-Parenting Works!Did you know there are six risk factors with divorce? Co-Parenting Works!helps you work against the statistics and change the predictable outcomes. Part 2 of the book expresses the heart of CoParenting International. Watch this video to get a snippet of what to expect.

Part 3 Introduction: Creating A Co-Parenting Team

Co-Parenting Works!We are going to challenge you in this part of the book to become a team with your ex for the sake of your children. The two of you must come together as a team for your children like an executive team does for a company. In this video meet Tammy’s now Husband, Jay Daughtry, and hear his perspective on what it’s like to see a healthy co-parenting relationship work.

Part 4 Introduction: If It Can Go Wrong…

Co-Parenting Works!Hear from Tammy’s now husband, Jay Daughtry, introducing the topics discussed in Part 4 of Co-Parenting Works! Things like handling the tougher aspects of working with an ex and extended families. Often these are the first things that come to mind when dealing with the other co-parent. This section will help the two of you get onto the same page and not have to worry about what your children hear on the side.

Part 5 Introduction: When Co-Parenting Is Impossible

Co-Parenting Works!Jay Daughtry, Tammy’s husband, introduces Part 5 of the book on how to parent your child when the other parent is no longer part of your child’s life. Learn how to talk about the absent parent, how to surround yourself with a supportive community, and how to determine when an ex is unsafe for you and your children.

Part 6 Introduction: Moving On With Your Life

Co-Parenting Works!Part of moving on with your life after divorce is dating. How do you introduce this to your kids and talk about this with your co-parent. We’ll also talk about a hope chair. You may have fears about this. What’s healthy? And what about even further…remarriage? Jay and Tammy introduce these topics in Part 6 and help you think through remarriage, heal from divorce, and make a great decision for you and your children.

Part 7 Introduction: And Into The Future

Co-Parenting Works!Co-parenting does not end when child support ends or at age 18. Your children need you in their life forever. They will get married. Someday you may have grandchildren. There are decisions you will have to make with your co-parent. Part 7 is about making the right decisions through lifetime for you and your children.

 

 

Are you prepared to tell the children about your divorce or separation?  While the conversation will be difficult, it’s also an opportunity to let them know, first and foremost, that you love them, and to demonstrate that – as a family – you’re going to meet their needs and answer their questions. These guidelines will help you prepare for this event.

Please note that you should be absolutely certain that the divorce or separation will actually happen before you tell the kids. Once that has been determined, consider the guidelines below.

1. Confer with Your Former Partner Before You Tell the Kids About the Divorce.

For the sake of your children, put aside the hurt and anger you may be feeling, so that you can make decisions together about the details you’ll need to tell your children. If you don’t have this conversation beforehand, you may end up having it in front of or through your kids, which wouldn’t be fair to them. If it’s extremely difficult to speak with one another, consider using the services of a mediator or counselor, or invite someone you both trust to help you work out the details.

2. If at All Possible, Both Parents Should be Present When Telling the Kids.

This sends an important message to your kids that you’re both capable of working together for their benefit. In addition, you’ll want to tell all of the children at one time. It’s important that each child hear this news directly from mom and dad; not from the sibling who heard it first. If your kids are different ages, plan to share the basic information at the initial gathering, and follow-up with the older children during a separate conversation.

3. Remain Calm and Avoid Blaming.

The manner in which you present this news to your kids will, in large part, affect the degree of their anxiety and whether they anticipate a positive outcome for themselves. If the meeting becomes a screaming match, your kids will be far more unsettled about what is happening. Instead, avoid the tendency to assign blame or say whose “fault” this is. To the extent that you can, try to incorporate the word “we” when you’re explaining the decisions that have been made.

4. Provide a General Reason for What is Happening.

It is not important, or even appropriate, that you provide specific details about why you are planning a divorce. However, your kids will want to know why this is happening. Older children will recognize that this is a huge life change, and they will weigh that change against the reason you give them. So while you don’t want to share details of a personal nature, be prepared to give some type of general explanation.

5. Provide Specific Details About the Changes Your Kids Can Expect.

Your kids will want to know where they’re going to live, with whom, and what about their lives is going to change. You can help your children to be prepared for these changes by being honest about what you know, and what you don’t know.

6. Provide Specific Details About the Parent Who is Leaving the Home.

The more you can tell your kids about where the departing parent will be living and when they will be seeing him or her, the better. They’ll need to know, right away, that they will be able to maintain a quality relationship with this parent, even though they won’t be living under the same roof.

7. Reassure the Children of Your Unconditional Love.

Your children will need lots of reassurance that the divorce is not their fault. Specifically tell them that nothing they did could have caused – nor prevented – what is happening. In addition, make sure both parents collectively and individually convey thier unconditional love through words and actions. Avoid making long-range promises about an uncertain future. Instead, stick with the assurances you can make for the present time and be generous in sharing your hugs and affection.

8. Be Sensitive to How the Kids React to This News.

What you’re telling them may be completely unexpected, and will most assuredly change their lives. Try to be as understanding of no reaction – which is a reaction – as you would be if the children were in tears or extremely angry. Your children may not know how to express their intense emotions appropriately, and it may be some time before they can articulate their feelings.

9. Welcome Their Questions.

Most likely, the children will have many questions. To the extent that you can, be honest and clear in your responses. If you don’t know the answer to a question, tell them that. Also, realize that this conversation will unfold in many parts. After you’ve told the children about the divorce or separation, expect to revisit the topic many times as new questions and concerns arise.

10. Give Them Time to Adjust to the News.

It will take time for your children to adjust to this news. It is a huge change, and while you may be confident in the hopeful future you envision for them, it will take some time for them to see that future play out. In the meantime, be patient with their needs and make the effort to be a steady presence in their lives.

By Jennifer Wolf, About.com Guide

“Relationship breakdowns are an all too sad feature of modern life – one in three marriages between 1995 and 2010 having ended in divorce. However, the impact spreads far beyond the couple involved, with damage and hurt being wreaked on immediate family and all manner of friendships.

At Debrett’s we felt that, while there are many guides to the legal process of divorce, there is a paucity of advice when it comes to handling the personal issues associated with a major life trauma. We believe that courteous and considerate behaviour can acutally help to reduce unnecessary animosity and distress.

Debrett’s, the leading authority on behaviour, and Mishcon de Reya, leaders in the field of family law, have worked together to produce the first definitive guide that covers both the legal process and behavioural aspects of separation and divorce.”

Content:

The Legal Process: From advice on getting the most from your lawyer to a clear explanation of Child issues, Money Matters and Court Proceedings

After the Event: Everything you need to know about spreading the news, telling the children and cooperating with your ex-partner to dealing with the extended family and wider social circle.

New Beginnings:  From symbolic gestures, such as name changes,  to dating after a divorce, new relationships andre-marriages

The Facts:  A clear guide to the Process of Divorce, answers to Frequently Asked Questions and a Glossary of legal terms

(They aim to deliver all orders to UK addresses within 7-10 working days, although you should allow up to 28 working days in exceptional circumstances or for orders to Europe and the rest of the world.)

(64 pages, fully illustrated, 200x210mm, paperback),

Available now: Amazon US , Amazon UK.

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