Month: June 2023

When we get separated or divorced, one of the first things that we notice is that finances have changed significantly. A number of things happen from splitting bank accounts and properties you own to suddenly having to factor in the expense of child support and legal expenses. It can be quite harrowing to see how you’ll maintain your financial freedom as you move from one house-two incomes to one income supporting your kids, extra expenses incurred from divorce (such as additional childcare) and all the other expenses in the day to day.

However, it doesn’t have to be harrowing and there are tips that you can follow that will support your financial freedom and help you adjust to being a divorced or separated Canadian parent.

Tip Number One: Review and Understand Shareable Assets

The first step to financial planning for divorced or separated parents in Canada should begin with reviewing the shareable assets with your ex-partner. You will find that by doing this, you can plan better and make sure that the split of family assets is even between the two of you. In addition, by understanding shareable assets, you will understand what needs to be shared and what doesn’t need to be shared.

So what is an asset? Properties, vehicles, retirement assets (RRSPs and so on), furniture and personal effects can all fall under shareable assets. However, this really depends on when they were purchased and where you reside within Canada. For many, if things were purchased before the marriage, they are not shareable assets and both parties leave with what they came with. However, there can be exceptions to this. For instance, in the case of an RRSP, if your partner contributed to it during your marriage, it may need to be split. Another one can be the matrimonial home. Even if it was purchased before you were ever a couple, it may need to be split at the time of divorce.

In addition, things like gifts, inheritance and similar may not be shareable assets depending on the province that you live in.

The best advice here is to speak with a lawyer for financial planning so you can understand what is shareable in your province and what isn’t.

Before you go and speak with a lawyer, be sure to make a list of all of your assets so that you don’t have to spend extra money going back if you missed something and need to have it added.

Tip Number Two: Understand How the Taxes are Going to Affect You

This is often one of the top things that Canadian parents who are separating or divorcing don’t think about, the taxes. In Canada, both married couples, and common-law couples (if they have lived together for at least 12 months) will face the same tax laws when there is a divorce. This circles around family assets and can actually affect each party when assets are divided during the separation or divorce.

This means that when a couple are separating, the Canadian government may administer tax consequences depending on the value on the asset. It should be noted that value is based on before, during and after the relationship ends so any appreciation and depreciation of an item will be taken into account.

When you are planning for your finances, make sure you take this into account as you will want to factor that into how items are split between both of you since it could lead to some significant taxes being owed for some assets and not others.

Tip Number Three: Make Sure Titles are Switched

One thing to remember in Canada is that if you have shared assets with both your names on it, your ex-partner will have rights of survivorship on those assets, regardless of your will. The only province that does not have this rule is Quebec. To prevent future problems, make sure that any property that you retain after the divorce has all titles switched to you completely. This will also minimize any future problems with your ex-partner if you decide to sell off any assets that you retained.

Tip Number Four: Discuss Shared Expenses

While we’ve been looking at the split of assets, it is important to discuss shared expenses with your ex-partner, especially if you have kids that will have expenses. Talk about what will be covered by child support payments and then anything that comes above and beyond that child support.

Once you know what shared expenses you will have, you can begin to look at your own financials to determine where you will need to save so you are able to get your financial freedom again. It isn’t easy, but understanding shared expenses as quickly as possible, even before you finalize anything in the courts, you can plan for your own future with more ease.

Tip Number Five: Review your Estate Plan

Finally, make sure that you review your estate plan with your estate planner. Do you have life insurance policies? Change the beneficiary or have a trust take care of it for your children. If you have a will, have it redrafted to reflect your current relationship so that everything is set the way you want it set.

Finally, be sure to look at your overall financial goals, where you are at this point, what assets you have after leaving the marriage and what you are earning vs paying out. Create a plan to build back anything you’ve lost during the divorce and what you’ll need to do to build it back.

Creating financial freedom doesn’t have to be unobtainable after a divorce, it just takes understanding of assets, your provincial laws regarding divorce and being set on your financial goals. With some hard work and focus, you can be back to your financial freedom in no time.

When it comes to divorce or separation, often one of the hardest tasks that you can sit down to do is create a custody schedule. There are a lot of layers to it, which can include court orders, work schedules for both co-parents, and the kids’ own schedules. There is a lot of juggling that can be done just to iron out a schedule and keep it running on the day to day, whether you are running through a co-parenting app, such as 2houses, or through a basic calendar. In this article, we will go through some key points to creating a custody schedule that works for your family.

Step One: Map out Schedules

The first thing that you should do is write out, or map, the schedules of everyone involved. Your work schedule, your ex-partner’s work schedule and then the kids’ school schedules. Add in any extra curricular activities that you, your partner or kids have on a weekly basis. Also be sure to add in any vacation time that you know about. This might have to added later or revised on a yearly basis, but if you know now, put it in.

While it may seem a bit daunting writing this out before you even set up the schedule, having everything at hand when you create a custody schedule will help it go smoothly without as many last minute changes to the schedule when you realize something was forgotten. That isn’t to say that things won’t be forgotten, or even added depending on the time of year, but having the majority of it will make planning go smoother.

Step Two: Discuss the Joint Activities

Although we often think of custody schedules as two houses having separate time with the kids, this isn’t always the case. For instance, before the separation, one parent may be volunteering as a soccer coach, which means that every weekend, whether it is their weekend or not, they will be seeing the kids. Or maybe there is a regular event that both parents always attended, such as swimming lessons, and you want to keep that same routine for the kids.

In the event of these joint activities, you need to look at how it will go work logistically. Will you schedule transitions after the event? For instance, you go to the soccer game at 10am every Saturday but there is a weekend visitation with the other parent. Do the kids stay at their primary residence on Friday night and just go to the game with their primary caregiver before leaving with the other parent, or would they come in with the other parent after leaving for visitation the night before?

Step Three: Think of Logistics

Once you have the loose schedule made, think about the logistics. Some activities might be closer to you than to your ex-partner so it may be easier to create visitation days around those activities for logistics. For instance, if music class is 10 minutes from your house but 45 minutes from your ex-partners every Thursday evening, you may want to shift a 50/50 arrangement so that you always have the child on that Thursday evening so there is less rushing to do for the other parent and vice versa.

It may seem like a minor thing but not having to lose a lot of one on one time with your kids through thinking of the kids’ activities in relation to where everyone is living will actually build a positive relationship. Everyone will feel like they are getting ample quality time with the kids, regardless of how busy the schedule is.

Step Four: Explore the Custody Agreement

If you have drafted a custody agreement, or it has been court ordered, make sure you explore the ins and outs of it to meet the agreement. This will help prevent any problems in the future with custody agreements and will also give your kids a lot of stability.

If there are set days of the weeks in the court agreement, you’ll have to stick to that, unless there is room for adjustments if both parents agree. If the agreement is down to numbers such as 50/50, 40/60, etc., you can simply plan the schedule so it works best with everyone’s schedules, including choosing time when parents have days off to possibly reduce expenses of childcare or to have those full days with the kids.

One thing to note, if you have people who do pick up and drop off, or after school childcare, make sure you factor that into the schedule as well since they will be an important part of your support team as co-parents.

Step Five: Discuss the Schedule with Your Kids

This varies depending on the age of your kids but, if they are old enough, take the time to discuss the schedule with them. I always recommend discussing this when the schedule has been drafted and take their thoughts into consideration. On things that can be changed to reflect their needs and wants, make those changes. On things that can’t be changed, sit down and discuss why it can’t be changed and why it was decided to work in this manner.

Unfortunately, kids may not like all the things in the schedule but knowing that they’ve been heard and considered really does help them with accepting the schedule.

Step Six: Test Drive that Schedule

Once you have finished drafting the schedule, it’s time to test drive it. This varies depending on the family, but I always recommend testing it for 1 to 3 months. Make note of what works, what doesn’t work and what things could use some refining. A great way to do this is through a communication journal.

Every month, go over what was working and can stay, what still needs to be looked at and what needs to be changed completely. By doing this, you can really set the schedule so it works for your kids. Even after you have it fine tuned, take the time every 6 months or so to go through the schedule and adjust it by what has changed —you may even have to do it more than every six months with changing activities through the year, changes to work and so on. If there is a major change, review the schedule and adjust as needed. By following these steps, you can create a schedule that not only works for your family but is tailored to its unique and individual needs. And creating a working custody schedule will also help in building a positive co-parenting relationship between you and your ex.

Co-parenting is a difficult task. After a breakup or divorce, parents’ emotions may run high, making it difficult for them to work together for their children’s sake. You may expect to err. All of us do. Real maturity consists of admitting guilt and making atonement when wrongdoing has been done. This will not only set a good example for your children to follow when they encounter challenges in life, but it will also demonstrate your commitment to being the best parent you can be.

Don’t Respect Boundaries

We recently encountered a mother who, to facilitate her ex-husband’s increased contact with the children, was planning to allow him to see the children in her home. They used to live in this home together. She often returned home to discover him occupying her bed with the kids. Despite her best efforts to explain to him otherwise, he refused to stop violating the limit she had set and refused to accept that the room was no longer his. His spare time with his family suddenly evaporated.  Although this seems like an extreme example, the same thing might happen if you don’t pay attention to limits.

Losing your temper

Divorce may make it difficult to set your wants and feelings aside and concentrate on your children’s best interests while co-parenting. You’ll inevitably lose your cool as a co-parent. Your co-parent, second only to your kids, is an expert at getting under your skin. Their words and actions may sometimes provoke you, causing you to lose perspective and control over your actions and emotions. It may be your fault occasionally, or it may be theirs.

Keep Children and Money Entangled

It requires self-control to avoid falling into this trap. Some states calculate child support based on how often each parent sees their kid. Although there are positive outcomes to this strategy, it teaches parents to combine child care with financial concerns. When disputes include both finances and parenting time, finding a solution might seem like going through the divorce process all over again.

Don’t be afraid to admit it when you’re wrong. If one parent is in the wrong and the other does not accept an apology, that parent should nonetheless make one. As a bonus, you’ll be setting a good example for your kids about how to handle disagreement and the value of being able to acknowledge when you’re wrong. An additional benefit is that you and your co-parent may begin to establish communication channels and provide an example of cooperative parenting.

Making it more about the power struggle than the children

Emotions might run high after a divorce or separation. Even the most caring parent may unintentionally use their kid to get revenge on their ex. Some parents may flout the rules or go beyond presents to seem more “fun” than their counterparts. Staying up late for ice cream or a trip to the toy shop are two simple ways that parents may make their kids happy. Refusing to make adjustments to the parenting plan when they are asked is another frequent error. It’s common for parents to defend their kids’ “unreasonable” demands or to gripe about not being given enough warning. It’s easy to slip into the trap of playing “gotcha” with other parents, and it may be difficult to detect this behavior in yourself.

Using Your Child As A Messenger Or Requesting Their Allegiance

Divorced parents often make the mistake of continuing to talk about their children with one another. You may wish to avoid your ex as much as possible once the divorce or separation is completed. However, you and your child’s other parent will still be working together for some time. It’s tempting to use your kid as a messenger between you and the other parent when you’re running late for the pick-up or just want to get something off your chest. But by doing so, you are expecting your kid to be emotionally mature enough to handle the other parent’s reaction. In addition to demonstrating your continued disagreement, this will leave your youngster feeling torn. Another pitfall is pressuring a youngster to take a stance on contentious issues like who to spend the holidays with or who to see in the event of a scheduling problem. If you give your kids a say in major life choices, you may feel like you’re being fair, but in reality, you’re placing a lot of pressure on them.

How can you avoid making these co-parenting mistakes?

Know your triggers

Identifying your triggers is an important first step. Do you hate it when pick-ups are late? Is the lack of discipline in the other parent’s home a source of anger for you? Tired of constantly replacing misplaced clothing and accessories? Frustrated by the constant eye roll? Once you’ve identified your triggers, you’ll be better able to exercise self-awareness and control over your reaction to stressful situations.

Prepare yourself for the times when things don’t go as planned

Once you and your partner have settled on a set of ground rules, you may discuss how to proceed if one parent violates them. Essentially, you’ll want to make it clear that you’ll each be allowed to hold the other parent to the terms of the agreement and to name names if one of you breaks them. You may come to an understanding along the lines of “Let’s try to keep within our ground rules.” If one parent gets too agitated, having a backup plan is important. Maybe you may agree that it would be better to take a break from the conversation and resume it when everyone’s emotions are more stable. It’s important to prepare for the inevitable unpleasant days since we all experience them.

Apologize

Make sure your apologies come from a place of genuine regret and contrition when you’ve done wrong. To go from an aggressive co-parenting relationship to one that is more businesslike and courteous, an apology may work wonders.

Conclusion

Divorce and separation may be difficult for both parents. There will be occasions when you lose control of your emotions, namely your rage. Remember your promise to your kids, own up to your faults, and do everything you can to put them first while still growing as a parent despite the setback.

Custody schedules. They can make or break a co-parenting relationship. The reason? Custody schedules are a difficult task to do. They often bring up a lot of emotions that co-parents have to navigate through, along with some situations that can be uncomfortable for everyone—including those shared events where both parents have to be present. Once they are made, co-parenting schedules can still have a lot of hiccups, which is why the 2houses app and digital platform is a must have tool for any parents who are separating or divorcing.

So what is so good about 2houses when it comes to managing custody schedules? The answer is really everything. 2houses was designed by a divorced father to make co-parenting with his ex much easier and to minimize the tension between them. Since custody schedules can often be one of the biggest areas where there are tension between parents and 2houses can help reduce that tension.

But while the app is easy to use, there are a few tips that will make the app even more successful with managing those custody schedules.

Tip Number One: Use the Repeat Event Function

Unlike a lot of apps, 2houses allows you to repeat the same event easily. Simply program it in and hit the dates that it will be repeating (such as every week or every day), then save the event. This can be a time saver and really helps with keeping you organized in as easy a way as possible. A lot of other co-parenting apps need even repetitive events to be programmed in, which can take a lot of time.

While it may not seem like a big deal, repetitive events, such as scheduled visitation, happen a lot with custody schedules and can be daunting to constantly enter. So let 2houses make custody schedules easy.

Tip Number Two: Negotiate through the App

Another great way to be successful at managing your custody schedule with 2houses is to let the app do the negotiating whenever schedules need to change. Let’s face it, while the focus is on what is best for our kids, sometimes things happen and we end up needing to cancel or shift schedules slightly, such as work commitments. That doesn’t mean that you have to give up time with your kids. What it means is that you need to renegotiate so that schedules can shift.

2houses is perfect for this. You can make a request for changes in schedule, such as needing to shift vacation time with your kids, right on the app without having to do it in person. The other parent will get the notification that a request has been made and can agree, make a different suggestion or decline. With the app, you can do all your negotiating digitally and that can avoid a lot of the tension that can come with shifts in custody schedules.

Tip Number Three: Let the App Do the Reminding

Like negotiating schedules, the 2houses app is great at making it so parents don’t have to give each other reminders. In fact, reminders can be set in the app so that parents can remember important events when they are scheduled to attend. In addition, when you have to send notes to each other, the app will send a notification to the other parent so they know that it is there.

Finally, reminders and notifications can be sent to the kids directly since 2houses is kid friendly and can be used by everyone in the family to track schedules. So if something changes in the custody schedule, you can put a note in the journal so your kids will see it too, creating stability for them in their schedules.

Tip Number Four: Send Notes Through the App

This touches on the last point but you can send notes to your kids and to your co-parent through the app. That means that you can always communicate directly and, since the app saves the communication, you will be able to have a paper trail of those messages if you ever need them for court.

Being able to send notes, you can let the other parent know if you are going to be late or if the schedule needs to change. Another great thing with the app is that you can send notes and journal about what has happened during your visitation days. This is great for parents to stay connected since transition times when kids go from one house to the other can be quite hectic and it’s easy to forget things.

The notes allow for the best communication and will help you manage both your co-parenting relationship and your custody schedule.

Tip Number Five: Let your Kids have Input

Finally, as mentioned, the kids can go and look at the journal, calendar and many sections of the 2houses app. This allows them to see what is happening with their schedules as well as have input into their schedule. Things may be happening in the kids’ lives as well, such as wanting to attend a birthday party, and they can enter that into the schedule to get both parents signing off on it, even when it cuts into visitation times.

By letting the kids have a way to give input into the custody schedule, you are letting them feel like they have some control in a situation where they often have very little. This will nurture their health and well being and will build their confidence as they navigate through separation and divorce.

In the end, the 2houses app provides families with ways to manage and navigate the custody schedule without a lot of the tension that can come with it. When you follow these tips, you can ensure that your custody schedule is optimized and you will find that life between two houses will be easier for you, your children and your ex-partner…and that is what we all want—ways to make life easier, especially at the most difficult of times.