Communication between you and your ex is crucial for successful co-parenting. But when should you start involving your child in the conversation about joint custody schedules? Opinions vary widely, from advocating for children’s extensive input as early as the preteen years to believing that only the parents and judge should decide.
If you’re wondering if it’s time to ask your child about joint custody schedules and time-sharing, here are three factors to consider.
1. Age of Your Child
As your child gets older, they should have more input on the custody schedule. Older kids can better understand their relationships with each parent and share their thoughts. They also often have extracurricular activities, sports, and social events that need to be considered when making the schedule.
2. Maturity of Your Child
A child’s emotional maturity doesn’t always match their age. It’s important to understand their reasons before agreeing to what they want. For example, a teen wanting to live with their mom just because they were grounded shouldn’t be treated the same as a child who genuinely feels they need more time with their dad.
3. Your State’s Laws
Each state has its own rules about considering a child’s wishes in a joint custody schedule. In some places, like West Virginia, a judge will strongly consider what a child wants after they turn 14. But in most states, the main focus is on what’s best for the child. So, whether a child gets a say depends on if the judge thinks their wishes are in their best interests.
Strategies for Involving Your Child in Joint Custody Decisions:
If your child has a preference for living with one parent or wants more input in the custody schedule, it’s important to listen and ask questions. Here’s how you can involve your child effectively:
1. As a parent it’s your duty to create a Safe Space for Talking. Make sure your child feels safe and comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of being judged. This helps them talk honestly.
2. Don’t hesitate to use a third party if needed. Sometimes, a neutral person, like a family therapist or mediator, can help with these talks. They give a fair view and help your child share their feelings.
3. Hold regular family meetings where everyone, including your child, can talk about schedules, upcoming events, and any concerns. This encourages openness and ensures everyone feels listened to.
4. Encourage your child to keep a journal. Tell you kids to write down their thoughts and feelings about the custody schedule. This can help them understand their emotions and give you insights into their preferences and concerns.
5. Use a co-parenting app. I recommend using the 2houses app to streamline communication and keep everyone on the same page. This app helps you manage schedules, share important information, and reduce misunderstandings.
Here Are Some Tips for You to Create a Child-Centric Schedule
When making a joint custody schedule, careful planning is important. Here’s some advice for you: keep things stable by sticking to regular routines for school, activities, and bedtime. This helps your child feel secure. But also be flexible because life can change, and adjusting the schedule when needed can reduce stress for everyone. Plus, think about how long it takes to travel between each parent’s home and your child’s school, activities, and friends. Long drives can be tiring. You can plan ahead for special events like holidays and birthdays so your child can celebrate with both parents. Lastly, if the schedule needs to change, tell everyone as soon as possible to avoid last-minute stress.
Conclusion
Getting your child involved in decisions about joint custody schedules can be helpful if done thoughtfully. By considering their age, maturity, and your state’s legal guidelines, you can make choices that truly serve your child’s best interests.
Need help figuring this out? Contact the 2houses team today for expert advice tailored to your family’s needs. Let’s work together to find the best solution for your situation.