What are Legally Shared Expenses for Children After a Divorce

Legally Shared Expenses

The divorce process can prove challenging for parents. Deciding what to do with your children during a separation is one of the most important decisions that you must make.

For instance, you’ll need to figure out how you’ll share expenses for the kids. There are many different ways that you might divide expenses.

The right solution for you will vary depending on where you live and your circumstances. However, a few pointers might make managing these decisions easier.

To learn more about the legally shared expenses for children after a divorce, continue reading.

Contemplating Legally Shared Expenses

Ending a marriage is challenging on many levels, especially when a child is involved. There’s a lot at stake. Here, we’ll take a look at some of the points involved in the finances of co-parenting.

During the separation process, you’ll split assets that you’ve accumulated over many years. Now, you’ll need to find common ground to support your child until they become an adult.

The court system compels separating couples to enter a divorce decree. It details the conditions of the separation.

For example, it might establish alimony and child support payments. It will also establish a visitation schedule for the noncustodial parent.

Furthermore, the decree will establish new beneficiaries for any financial assets. It will also divide any shared debts.

While you work through these conditions, some of the hardest things to do are to simultaneously focus on now and plan for the future. However, you must advocate for yourself and your family during this process.

The separation process is your opportunity to seek what’s best for yourself and your child. The court will take this point into consideration when you file the decree.

Most importantly, it’s important that everyone involved has their voice heard in order to establish an appropriate plan of action moving forward.

Some Common Legally Shared Expenses

In many cases, divorcing couples establish child support to cover the care of their offspring. These payments may go toward child care.

They may also go toward activities and college tuition. Child support also covers basic necessities such as food and clothing.

Sometimes, however, parents disagree over whether child support should cover all of their child’s expenses. Alternatively, they may disagree whether parents should split various costs.

With this in mind, the following entries offer a closer look at child-rearing expenses.

Daily Necessities H3

The idea of child support is to protect the interests of children. Ideally, it shields them from the economic impact of a divorce. Also, it helps them to maintain their standard of living.

Child support provides assistance for the parent with primary custody. It helps them to meet their child’s basic needs. It also helps the custodial parent maintain the standard of living they enjoyed while they were married.

Necessities include food, clothing and shelter. They might also include other basic needs such as personal hygiene products.

When parents get divorced, the law may expect them to either share these expenses equally or based on their incomes. However, in some cases, this isn’t always possible. In such a case, it’s in the child’s best interests if both parties can come up with an agreement about how they’ll handle their shared child-rearing responsibilities and costs.

Extra Expenses H3

Not all expenses are covered by child support. For instance, child support might not cover sports activities, school excursions or music lessons.

Also, child support usually doesn’t cover large expenses. Typically, a parent can expect to incur this kind of expense as a child grows older. For example, a teen that’s transitioning into adulthood will most likely want a car and need auto insurance.

Post-Secondary Education H3

In most states, the age of majority is 18 years old. Usually, child support ends at this time. In some states, however, child support will continue beyond the age of majority to cover college expenses.

This kind of child support is considered post-minority or post-secondary support. The terms of this kind of support may vary in different states.

For example, the noncustodial parent might pay post-minority support in addition to child support. Alternatively, they may pay it as part of child support. In some instances, a noncustodial parent might make a separate post-minority child support payment after regular child support comes to an end.

Extracurricular Education and Healthcare H3

Some states include health insurance, work-related child care and uninsured medical expenses in their support calculations. It’s a part of their formula for figuring out basic child support.

In other states, however, a judge may designate a separate payment. This payment will go toward your children’s medical expenses, child care and education-related expenses.

Education expenses, for example, may include tuition or tutoring. Here, it’s helpful to understand that these items are separate from the basic child support calculation.

These expenses could include participation in sports or music activities. If the court deems these activities a necessary part of the child’s education, it might order payment for these activities as a part of child support.

Expense Disputes

Sometimes, parents can’t agree on necessary child support expenses. They also have conflicts over who should pay for it.

In these cases, a judge may need to intervene. Typically, the court will divide the responsibility of paying for extra expenses.

The court will begin this process by examining each parent’s income. It will also consider which parent wants their child to participate in the activity.

Also, the court will assess whether a child has participated in this activity in the past. It may also assess why each parent supports or opposes the activity. After measuring these points, the court may modify the child support order to address these expenses.

Finding Common Ground

In most instances, child support doesn’t cover expenses beyond bare necessities. As a result, it’s helpful if parents can reach their own agreement.

In some cases, separating couples incorporate this agreement into their divorce decree. It becomes a part of their parenting plan.

There are times when separating couples will make these kinds of agreements very specific. Often, however, this kind of agreement can prove restrictive.

What’s worse, they can fail to accommodate all necessary expenses. Frequently, a problem in this area will arise when there’s a large disparity in the income of the parents.

Sometimes, these kinds of arrangements work, and sometimes they don’t. Most often, however, it’s difficult for them to succeed. In the end, it depends on the parents.

When managing financial issues with your children, it’s always better for parents to maintain a civil arrangement. This kind of arrangement means coming to terms with cost-sharing even if it’s not in the divorce decree. In most cases, this kind of common ground ends up benefiting both parents—and the child.

The Realities of Separation

Ending a marriage is always unpleasant on some level. Unfortunately, this kind of unpleasantness frequently manifests when it comes to child-related expenses. As a parent, however, it’s important to minimize conflict in this area as much as possible.

It helps to have a discussion with your spouse before finalizing your divorce. During this conversation, you should try to come to an agreement about how you’ll share your child’s expenses.

Eventually, you’ll develop a clear agreement in your divorce decree. However, relying solely on your divorce papers can turn into a minefield. Sticking to the letter of your decree can lead to unneeded disputes.

Also, it can fuel competition between you and your ex-partner. For example, without an amicable separation, parents might compete over enrolling their children in a preferred activity. Disputes can also arise over your child’s technology needs.

In many cases, the parent who does all the signing up and enrolling can feel like they’re carrying all the responsibility. They can feel like they’re covering all the expenses and not getting reimbursed.

Over time, this debt can accumulate. When this happens, the parent typically resorts to legal action. However, it’s in your child’s best interest to address this issue before it becomes a legal matter.

Ideally, you and your ex-spouse share decision-making. In this scenario, neither of you should end up blindsided by expenses.

When enrolling your child in extracurricular activities, it’s helpful to begin by talking to your spouse. You may even have to have this conversation every semester.

Some parents, however, must negotiate these activities in the parenting plan of their divorce decree. This circumstance typically arises when one parent doesn’t support a current activity.

It might also arise when the activity results in a significant expense. It could also come up if the child activity cuts into parenting time.

A Step in the Right Direction

It’s easy to suggest amicable co-parenting. However, challenges do arise in this regard.

Some parents want their children involved in extracurricular activities every day. Others feel that a single sport each season is enough.

If you’re going to include activities and your parenting plan, it’s a good idea to leave room for flexibility. Also, make sure that the plan incorporates the child’s preferences.

In general, it’s important to clearly share any expenses related to the activity. If you expect the other parent to support the activity financially, then you should have a clear list of what those expenses entail.

Balancing Expenses With Fairness H3

Most separating parents opt for an alternative to paying for specific items. Instead, they usually agree to share costs equally. Alternatively, they might share costs based on their income according to child support calculations.

In theory, this method allows for changes in proportion as child support changes. However, it’s very rare that this happens. Most often, parents don’t want to relive going through court.

If you and your ex-spouse disagree on activities, sometimes, the answer lies in who pays. For example, you might want your child to participate in an activity, but the other parent is not supportive. Yet, they may agree to the activity if you agree to cover all the expenses for it.

It’s also important to make sure that the activity doesn’t interfere with the other parent’s time with your child. If the activity takes place during their parenting time, they should agree to it.

A divorce decree serves as a guideline. With one, however, there are still many details to work out along the way.

When it comes to accounting for shared expenses, things can get tricky. This area can prove especially problematic when multiple children are involved.

Again, it can also prove troublesome if there’s a large disparity in income. In these cases, you’ll want to put forth the extra effort to resolve who foots the bill.

A Solution for Sharing Expenses and More

After a separation, you’ll have a lot of things to figure out together every day. For instance, you’ll need to figure out who’ll pay for and actually purchase your child’s school supplies.

In some cases, you’ll need to figure out how to receive reimbursement from the other parent. You’ll also need to come up with a way to negotiate unplanned expenses.

With so many things to consider, how will you keep track of it all? Fortunately, a co-parenting app—such as 2houses—can make the process easier. You can use it to better manage finances and the other affairs of your two houses.

For instance, a co-parenting app will allow you to share messages with each other about your child easily. It will also give you access to a shared calendar.

You can use the calendar to keep track of scheduled visits and other important dates. Also, you can use the co-parenting app to keep track of shared expenses and send real-time reimbursement requests.

A Co-Parenting App for Peaceful Child Rearing

Now you know more about the legally shared expenses for children after a divorce. What you need now is a powerful technology for harmonious co-parenting.

2houses is the child custody tool that helps parents navigate co-parenting after a divorce or separation, so they can focus on what matters most—their children. It’s easy to use, affordable and available anywhere in the world.

Our goal is simple—to give you more time with your kids and make sure they’re safe and happy. What’s more, we’ll do all of this without breaking the bank or taking up too much of your valuable time.

See for yourself. Please feel free to take a look at our features to learn more about a better way to manage two houses.

My Parents Are Divorcing. How Do I Cope?

My parents are divorcing

When it comes to the relationship between divorce and children, parents breaking up can impact kids psychologically, emotionally, physically, and academically. When children are young, it is important for parents to learn how to explain divorce to children and how to help their children cope.

However, teenagers and adults who have divorcing parents might be searching on their own for information on coping with divorce. For these different stages in life, learning how to deal with your parent’s divorce might look a bit different whether you’re still living under your parent’s roof or if you have transitioned into adulthood.

In both cases, though, it’s important for you to learn how to identify, experience, and validate your own emotions as a part of the healing process. It is easy for both teens and adults to suppress their emotions that stem from such a difficult occurrence, however, this can have a number of psychological and physiological consequences.

Are you wondering how to cope when you’re parents are getting a divorce? Let’s take a look at what you need to know.

Coping With Divorce as a Teenager

The teenage years are often a time of high emotions, with so much going on with friends, relationships, and school. Many teens are already feeling stress during this time, and parents divorcing or problems in the home can amplify that.

Here are some important things to remember when your parents are getting divorced.

It’s Not Your Fault and It Never Was

As a teenager, watching your parent’s relationship and can be one of the most difficult things you will go through. Even though this can be a very hard time, you never want to forget that it is not your fault. Relationships can be incredibly complicated, and your parents are separating because of issues between them and not to do with you.

It is easy to worry that things that you did or didn’t do led to your current situation. However, there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome of your parent’s relationship.

You’re Not Their Messenger

Unfortunately, some parents will use their children as a messenger to share information between homes. This is not your responsibility, and you should not be put in the position of being their go-between. It is your parent’s responsibility to figure out how to communicate with each other in a way that does not involve you.

Validate Your Emotions, Don’t Suppress Them

When you find out that your parents are getting a divorce, there are a lot of different emotions that you might feel. Maybe you feel angry, confused, sad, or maybe you even feel relieved if your parents were always fighting. No matter how you feel about the situation, it is absolutely crucial that you validate your emotions.

Feeling guilty about the emotion you’re having won’t accomplish anything and will only cause more pain and discomfort for you. Many teenagers might be tempted to suppress their emotions because they are worried that there is something wrong with them. However, allowing yourself to experience your emotions and vent them is essential to your mental health.

When people suppress their emotions, they often find ways to vent these emotions. This might lead to issues like overeating or abusing alcohol or drugs. Self-destructive behavior like this will only make the situation worse, and if you’ve found yourself coping in this type of way it’s important to get professional counseling right away.

Emotions will always be a part of life. It is important that we learn to accept, experience, and validate our motion in order to leave the healthiest life possible.

Find New Ways of Dealing With Stress

You may have never dealt with as much stress as you are now that your parents are getting divorced. If you haven’t had to figure out how to handle stress in the past, you might be feeling unequipped for the situation you’re going through.

There are a lot of different things that you can do for stress management. Everyone is different, and you can experiment with what works for you. Lots of people, though, are able to find hobbies that they enjoy that assist them in getting through times that are tough.

Here are some popular stress management hobbies and techniques:

  • Journaling
  • Running
  • Yoga
  • Hiking
  • Doing puzzles
  • Cooking
  • Coloring
  • Knitting, crocheting, or quilting
  • Spending time with your pet
  • Playing sports
  • Breathing exercises
  • Art projects
  • Socializing with friends

While you can’t change the fact that your parent’s getting divorced is causing stress in your life, you can adopt stress management techniques that help you cope with it.

Divorce can obviously be quite stressful for parents, too. If you’ve been experiencing anxiety as a co-parent, check out these five tips to help you cope.

Communicate With Your Parents

When you’re parents are getting a divorce, you might not feel particularly compelled to tell your parents how you are feeling. However, it’s important that you don’t keep your feelings from them during this time. Share with them what you’re going through emotionally so that they can understand how the divorce is affecting you.

You shouldn’t be scared or ashamed to tell your parents that you’re feeling sad or angry about the divorce. Some teens might worry that doing so will make their parents feel bad. However, your parents want to know how you’re doing and it’s their responsibility to be there for you.

Talk to Your Close Friends

Sometimes it can be good to talk to those who are close to you that are beyond your family. Your closest friends want the best for you and want to know what’s going on in your life. When you’re parents are going through a divorce, talk with your best friends and tell them what you’ve been going through.

It can be hard to talk about these things, and maybe you don’t want to talk about your parents divorce with all of your friends. However, confiding in your closest friends can be a very healthy way to deal with and vent your emotions, keeping you healthier and happier and avoiding the outcome of suppressing emotions.

Consider Talking to an Expert

It can feel odd to talk to a professional therapist or counselor at first. However, it can be very helpful to have someone to listen to you and talk things out with during this time. They can offer tips or insights to help you manage your emotions, and otherwise provide a safe place where you can talk about how you feel.

Relationships can be complicated, and there are some things that you might not feel comfortable telling your parents or your close friends. While it’s good to be open and honest with those around you, it is certainly understandable if you feel hesitant to be completely open about how you’re feeling. Therapists can be a great tool in this type of circumstance, to help you explore how you are feeling and decide how to communicate that honestly with the people in your life.

How to Deal With Your Parent’s Divorce as an Adult

Even though the divorce rate in the US is on the decline, there is one demographic where divorce is on the rise. Surprisingly, this group is people over the age of 50.

Commonly referred to as “gray divorces,” we are now at a point where one in four people that are getting divorced in the United States are in this older demographic.

There are a number of different factors that are thought to contribute to this rise in divorce at an older age. These include the fact that divorce is more socially acceptable, that women are more financially independent, and that people are living longer.

It is also common for parents to wait to end their marriage until their kids have left the house. The thought process behind this is that adult children will be better able to deal with their parent’s relationship unraveling. While this can be true in some ways and it can certainly be better for children to have a stable home environment when they’re growing up, that doesn’t mean that divorce can’t be devastating and confusing to adult children.

Many adult children whose parents are getting divorced might assume that it shouldn’t be a big deal for them. However, this is a major life transition for them, too, as it impacts the structure of their family forever. Let’s take a look at some divorce tips for adult children.

Understand That Your Experiences and Feelings Are Valid

Everyone is going to have a different experience when their parents are getting a divorce. Some adult children might be struck with relief, happy that their unhappy parents are finally moving on from an unhealthy relationship. On the other hand, though, it can be devastating to have your family structure change and feel as though it’s in dissolution, which is absolutely a valid way to feel.

No matter how you feel, the important thing is to validate your feelings and experiences. As adults, sometimes we think we know how we should feel about certain occurrences. However, our feelings aren’t dictated by what we think should happen rationally, and so it’s important to recognize how you actually feel versus how you think it would be most mature and ideal for you to feel.

Know That You’re Not Alone

As mentioned earlier, divorces between adults over the age of 50 are on the rise. While this may or may not be comforting, it can help to understand that you aren’t alone in this situation.

Some research surrounding this phenomenon finds that roughly half of the adult children of older divorcees report negative experiences and feelings. Conflicted feelings lead about half of them to withdraw from their parents. Luckily, within about five years most of these estranged parents and children will reconcile, according to the research.

Acknowledge Your Grief

You can lose so many things when your parents get divorced, even if you’re an adult and no longer living at home. You might find that your extended family is no longer intact, it can change the structure of your support systems, and it can alter your dreams about future family celebrations, rituals, and traditions.

Acknowledging your grief is an important step in this process. You should feel free to share the fact that you are grieving these losses with your family and friends. You should be allowed time to mourn this loss and accept so that you can heal, and communicating this need with family and friends can help give you the space you need.

Set Boundaries That Work For You

Adult children of divorcing parents can feel caught in the middle when there are conflict or issues. As an adult, you can set boundaries that make it clear that you don’t want to participate in being a messenger, middleman, therapist, surrogate spouse, or any other kind of unhealthy or unnecessary role.

If you want to have a relationship with both parents, make it clear that you love them both and want to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them. Rather than fulfilling unhealthy roles for your parents, it’s important that you insist that they get the help they need elsewhere.

You can also request that your parents keep their personal issues out of family and celebratory events. There is no need for holidays and celebrations to be traumatic events ad infinitum, and it’s important that both parents be able to participate in the family without making it about their personal scuffles.

If you’re getting divorced, check out these five tips to help you deal with the stress.

Divorce and Children: Finding Resources to Help Everyone Cope

Many people involved in a divorce or with divorcing parents might feel ashamed or even inconvenienced by their emotions and experience. However, it’s absolutely essential that you prioritize your mental health during this time to help you get through what is understandable a very difficult experience.

You don’t have to go through this alone and should seek the help of supportive family, friends, and healthcare professionals. There are countless resources available online and elsewhere to help you learn how best to cope with divorce.

If you’re looking for more resources that have to do with divorce and children, check out the library of information available on the 2houses blog.

How to Share Expenses for Kids After a Divorce

Shared expenses for kids

Children cost a lot of money. The average middle-income household should expect to spend more than $230,000 on raising their child. That’s around $13,000 per year. 

After a divorce, covering expenses for kids gets tricky. The expenses cost the same amount, but the means of paying for them can be difficult to determine. 

How can you start a dialogue with your ex about covering them? How should you take care of your own finances? What expenses should you be mindful of, and how do they change over time? 

Answer these questions, and you can support your child into their adulthood. Here is your quick guide. 

Talk to Your Co-Parent About Expenses for Kids 

Talking about money can be exhausting. Make sure you take a break after you separate from your ex. Take a few weeks to rebuild your confidence so you can negotiate on a strong footing. 

When you feel rejuvenated, you can turn to your finances. Go to a financial advisor and accountant and talk about sharing expenses with your ex.

Get a list of the expenses you should expect to cover. Figure out the ways that you are going to cover your payments on your end. 

Then turn to your ex. You can talk to them by yourself, through an intermediary, or with lawyers. But you should engage with them about your mutual expenses. 

Tell them what things you need to cover and how you will cover them. This can encourage your ex to think about the ways they will pay. This also establishes trust so you can continue the conversation. 

Most co-parents split the expenses 50-50. If you both have similar amounts of money, you can do this. 

But you are not required to. If one co-parent earns more than the other, they can pay for more. 

You can match the payments to your custody schedule. If you pursue an 80/20 custody schedule, the parent with primary custody can pay 80 percent of the expenses.

If you decide on an inequal payment approach, you should not tell your child about your decision. It can lead them to believe that the parent who is paying less does not love them. 

Keep the conversation focused on expenses for your kids. Talk about alimony and living arrangements on another occasion. 

Your conversation can touch upon child support. If a court is requiring one co-parent to pay, talk about where the money should go. 

Develop a Communication System 

When you have decided on a payment approach, you next need to come up with a schedule. Figure out when you need to pay for things, including yearly. 

It would be best if you gave each other reminders on when payments are due. If one of you cannot expect to cover something, you should tell the other that. 

Whenever possible, the two of you should talk face to face. This makes for a direct line of communication that avoids confusion. 

If the two of you are living far apart, you can talk over the phone. Try to avoid text messages or emails unless you are sending over documents. 

You can download a co-parenting app. The app has a calendar that you can schedule your payments with. You can also track your finances, including when shared expenses are pending. 

Take Care of Your Finances

You have your own expenses to cover. After a divorce, you may need to pay more money than you did previously. You may need to cover the cost of a new house and food. 

Make sure you are taking care of yourself. If you run out of money, you won’t be able to pay for your child.

Write down a personal budget that itemizes each cost you need to pay for. Look at what revenue streams you have and see where the money should go first. If you are spending money on something useless, you should stop. 

When you have multiple debts, develop a way to pay them off. You can adopt the debt avalanche method. This involves making minimum payments on your debts and throwing extra money on the ones with high interest. 

Consider starting an expense fund. Each of you can add a little money into it each week. This gives you a safety net that lets you pay for sudden costs. 

Figure out what you will use the fund for. You can cover a regular expense in addition to an unexpected one. You can open one with your ex or on your own.

You may decide to move in with someone else. Your new partner can cover some of your personal expenses.

But you should be the one to pay for your child. It is your responsibility to make sure your child’s needs are met.

Your new partner can pay if they want to, but you should not expect them to do so. They should not expect anything in return for their payments. 

How to Cover Shared Expenses

The more you break down your individual expenses, the easier it will be to cover them. Each type of expense has its own trajectory. Some cost more through time, while others are stable.

Keep in mind that any discussion of expenses involves hypothetical estimates. You have to track how your finances are doing in real-time and adjust your payment approach. 

Housing 

29 percent of the money you spend on your child will go toward housing. This makes it the single-biggest shared expense. 

How you compensate for housing depends on what your living arrangements are. If one of you owns a house with a mortgage, the owner should take the lead in covering the mortgage. The other parent can pay if interest rates are substantial. 

If both of you pay weekly rent, each of you can focus on your own rent payments. You can help your ex when they need a little help. You should step in if they are facing foreclosure. 

Your child should have their own bed wherever they live. If possible, they should have their own bedroom in both residences.

This means that you may have to buy things for it like a drawer or nightstand. If that is the case, you should expect to pay for those yourself.

Medical Expenses

Both of you should pay equal amounts to your child’s health insurance. Their insurance should cover most costs, including doctor’s visits. 

No insurance plan is comprehensive. Have a conversation with your ex about how you will pay for additional medical services. 

You must develop a plan for this well in advance. Your child can develop a medical condition without warning. Set money aside in your personal or expense account. 

If your child has a chronic health condition, you should expect to pay more. Adjust your personal budget, so you spend less on yourself. If they have a condition that might deteriorate, talk about ways you can cover future costs. 

Medical expenses include mental health expenses. If your child needs psychological therapy, both of you should contribute toward it. 

Food 

You should pay for your child’s food while they are living with you. If you and your co-parent are sharing a meal with your child, you can contribute equal amounts. 

There are ways you can keep your expenses down. Plan your meals out in advance. Find a day during the week where you can shop and purchase your food at once. 

Cook meals with inexpensive ingredients like fresh produce and beans. This will save you money and create healthy meals.  

You can use coupons or go to the store during a sale. But coupons and sales are often for processed and unhealthy foods. Pick your sales, so you create healthy meals for your child. 

Try to avoid ordering takeout. Takeout may be more convenient than cooking meals, but it is also more expensive when you do order it, select dishes that you can make multiple meals out of. 

School Supplies 

Your child will need new supplies at the start of every school year. This includes notebooks, binders, and paper. 

As your child gets older, you may need to pay for textbooks. These can be expensive. 

Both of you should pay for supplies. Save up a little extra money as you reach the end of the summer. Go to stores like Staples that run back-to-school sales. 

You can reuse most supplies, including binders. Tell your child to preserve them with duct tape as the school year goes on. 

College Tuition 

The average four-year public college costs $56,840. Keep in mind that this is the expense of college right now. Tuition costs have grown through time, so you may need to pay more when your child turns 18. 

If you have not started saving money, you should start doing so right now. You may need to find an additional revenue stream to cover tuition expenses. 

If you have started saving money, keep doing so. You should not stop during or after the divorce process. 

As your child approaches college, you can start examining financial aid programs. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid lets students with separated parents apply for financial aid.

The application includes a section about one parent’s finances. Listing the co-parent who makes less money increases your child’s chances of getting aid. 

When your child picks a school, they should also apply for financial aid there. Most schools take into account the disposable income of co-parents. If two co-parents have to pay for their own costs, the school will give more financial aid. 

Clothes 

Clothes are a substantial expense because children grow so rapidly. A child should have a week’s worth of clothes at any given time. They should have seven bottoms and tops.

Get clothes made from sturdy materials. Blue jeans resist wear and tear. Sweatpants are thick and breathable, letting your child run around without breaking the material. 

They should also have at least seven pairs of undergarments. It may be a good idea to buy more in case your child has an emergency. They should have a good pair of shoes. 

Little children often put holes in their clothes. When that happens, try sewing the hole closed or patching it up. 

Young children do not need formal wear. A shirt and pants with neutral colors suffice for an event like a wedding. If you do want to get them formal clothes, you can find cheap versions from online retailers. 

Communicate with your ex when you think your child needs a new set of clothes. Buy clothes whenever one of you feels it is warranted. Both of you should contribute. 

Recreational Activities and Vacations 

Your child may go to summer camp, which can cost thousands of dollars per year. As they get older, they may participate in hobbies and extracurricular activities with registration fees. 

For the time being, try to pay equal amounts for your child’s recreation. If one of you becomes involved in an activity they do, that person can take the lead on paying for it. 

The parent conducting a vacation should pay for it. It is unreasonable to expect the other parent to pay for something that they are not participating in. 

Provide the Best For Your Child 

You and your co-parent can cover expenses for kids. Once you are ready, take a look at your financial picture. Talk to your co-parent and develop a plan with a payment schedule.

Make sure you are financially healthy. Pay off your debts using a particular scheme and find additional revenue streams. 

Housing, healthcare, food, and school supplies are immediate problems. Save up money and contribute equal amounts. Be prepared to spend money on college tuition, clothes, and recreation. 

Divorce does not have to be disruptive. 2Houses supplies co-parents with essential information. Read our guide on long-distance parenting

5 Things Children Should Know Before Parents’ Divorce

Parents'divorce

This matter of divorce does not require much of an introduction because nowadays, this matter is getting very common and, people are getting familiar with it. Divorce usually refers to the end of a messed up or a painful marriage by any legal process. As time is passing, this matter is getting extremely common in society. The majority of people have experienced this issue through themselves, as a partner or children, or through knowing someone who has gone through it as a spouse or as children. And as common as this matter seems, it does bring many problems and create dilemmas both physically and mentally in families and children.

When some parents are taking a divorce, it is equally necessary for them to think about their children’s physical and mental health because it can affect them in various ways. And, before separation, they should discuss this matter with their children in detail and make sure that they are picking a suitable time in which both of them are together, so that it may show that they have made the decision together. Moreover, they should consider choosing a time in which children are relaxed to talk and ask questions because the children must be well aware of the circumstances of what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. Also, they should try to be a little nicer with children if they are getting divorced, for instance, bring a dog or cat for children, buy a dog house, place it on the lawn, and let kids spend time with a pet so they won’t overthink about this matter. Because it can affect their mental health and being a parent, they should care about it.

There are some laws of divorce but, before that court requires a legal reason for the divorce. Some of the reasons why divorce happens are usually because of a lack of communication and commitment, financial issues, lack of intimacy, abusive and violent behavior and, so and so forth.

So here are few things which children should know before parents divorce or few things which parents can clarify to their children before divorce:

1. Children should know the reason behind divorce:

The first and foremost point is that children should be well aware of the reason for divorce. They must know that they are not responsible for it, and their parents have tried their level best to maintain the relationship for their sake still, they are not competent to stay together and, splitting is the only option. They must know that they are not responsible; otherwise, they will feel unnecessary guilt and embarrassment about their parent’s divorce that will affect their health in various ways. So, parents must make it very clear to their children that they did not cause the divorce.

2. Divorce is not between parent and child:

The second important thing which children should know about divorce is that parents do not divorce their children. Parents should clarify to their kids that separation or divorce is for grown-ups and not between parents and their children. Because sometimes, some children whose parents are getting a divorce start to think that their parents are about to abandon them and their relationship with their parents will end after divorce, but that is not true. Moreover, parents should provide awareness to their kids so that they may not develop these negative thoughts.  And, also they should know that even if their parents are living in separate homes, they will still be their parents and will love them as they have always done.

3. Change in everyday routine:

The third important thing which parents must tell their children and, to help them through is that children don’t mix up their everyday routine with divorce. Otherwise, this will affect other aspects of their lives. They should know that even if they had to switch homes, they should also maintain their school, dinner, and other routines.

4. Emotional support:

selective focus photography of golden Labrador retriever

The fourth important thing which children should know before parents divorce is that whatever the circumstances are, their parents will always love them, and they are always there for them. Because most of the time, parents are so involved in the issue of divorce that they forget about their children’s physical and mental health. Children must be well aware that even if the parents are separated, their love and care for their kids will not change. And it’s okay for them to love both of their parents. Because at the time of divorce, kids often become more sensitive, and they need their parent’s attention more than ever. And they should know that with time everything will get better.

5. Child’s custody:

The fifth step is sufficient for both parents and children. Before-after a divorce, both parents want to or try to gain their children’s custody which isn’t the right way. If the children are young and sensible enough then, they must be equally aware of the rules and laws after divorce. And they should be given authority to stay connected with both of the parents even after separation. Children must know these details before the divorce. So, they may not get disheartened because they love both the parents equally and, it’s hard for them to choose one parent over the other.

Anxious Co-Parent? 5 Tips To Cope With Your Anxiety

Anxious coparent

Family is one of the essential parts of your life and the sole source of motivation. Due to interpersonal conflicts, you may need to break cords with your partner and move ahead. But, the co-parenting responsibilities might impose a hurdle in the path of moving on and doing better. While you owe a good education and the utmost care to your child, bearing an interaction with your ex can feel like a nightmare. With the right tips and suitable measures, you can beat the anxiety that comes from talking to your ex now and then.

Here are the tips for coping up with your anxiety while co-parenting and taking care of your child.

1.  Identify Your Triggers

One of the most important causes of anxiety is the frequent triggers you face after meeting your ex-partner. It could be anything, ranging from an event or a situation, that makes you react impulsively. Also, identification of the possible triggers can minimize the after-effects and ease your anxiety. Challenge your thoughts and try to overcome the feeling to beat the anxious thoughts. The moment you feel your heart racing, practice breathing exercises to calm your nerves down. Such measures can help you tackle the triggers without giving in to the negative thoughts.

With time, your mind is likely to stop reacting to the triggers and curb the panic attacks. If communicating with your ex for a long time causes distress, you can establish the much-needed boundaries.

2.  Cut The Call As Soon As Possible

The initial days of your divorce can be pretty vulnerable and challenging. During these times, you need to minimize the communication in several ways to move on. Co-parenting doesn’t allow you to cut off cords completely and stop talking altogether. But, you can stick to short calls and discuss the business without deviating from the topic of discussion. Try to control your emotions and step back before giving in to the heat of the moment. Also, you can try other ways of communication like emails or texts. It gives you adequate time to think, process, and react in the right manner.

Such small measures can help you tackle the anxiety and deal with the triggers. Along with this, it reduces the chances of your child hearing things that they shouldn’t as of now. Make sure to limit communication and stick to the established boundaries to prevent anxiety. If the anxiety gets over your life, you can resort to the red malay kratom to uplift the mood.

3.  Be Flexible

Co-parenting is full of unexpected plans and never-ending compromises between you and your partner. You must remain flexible to changes in plans and unforeseen delays. Also, try to sort out the timings with your ex-partner in an effective manner. While your ex gets to stay with the baby for new year’s night, you can keep your kid for Christmas dinner. Such compromises go a long way in managing the co-parenting deal and allow you to spend adequate time with your child. Not to forget, it can help manage the financial and emotional needs of your child.

Always expect the unexpected and make the most of the little time you get with your baby. Preach to settle for the best ways that help in molding your child’s future and provide a balanced upbringing.

4.  Seek Professional Guidance

Divorce and co-parenting can be exhausting for your body as well as the mind. Hence, you may experience anxiety and burnout more often than before. In case the situation goes out of your hand, don’t hesitate to seek professional psychiatric support. You can try consulting a marriage coach to discuss your issues and vent your heart out. Try to remain calm and composed in front of your child as well as your ex-partner. Instead, you can talk your heart out with the psychologist and seek the required support.

Your marriage coach will guide you throughout the process and help take care of the triggers. That way, you can take control of your personal life and the responsibilities as a co-parent. Don’t forget to ask for a day off from the duties if the burden gets too much to handle.

5.  Try To Consider Your Child’s Perspective

Anxious co-parent

Breaking the relationship can feel like a significant trauma and evoke a feeling of hatred towards your ex-partner. But, you must try to let the negative feelings go and consider the situation from your child’s place. Healthy upbringing involves the support of both the parents in every aspect. Hence, your child needs your ex as much as you in the growing-up process. Empathizing towards your child can be a great way to overcome the negative feelings towards your ex. Also, it can ease the triggers and help you be a responsible co-parent for your little one.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety and stress are inevitable during the co-parenting days due to communication with your ex-partner. But, you can ease the triggers and manage the responsibility with simple tips and tricks. Try to identify the situations or discussions or trigger the anxiety attacks. Also, you can establish boundaries and set a few modes of communication to avoid unnecessary arguments. You might want to seek professional support and be flexible with your schedule. See the situation from your child’s perspective and realize that the kid needs both the parents during the growth phase. Such measures and realizations can help you tackle the co-parenting stage like a grown-up parent.

Finding a New Home That Your Child Will Love After a Divorce

Divorce is challenging for the entire family and moving makes it even harder. Read on for tips to help easily navigate this process.

It’s no secret that moving can be stressful. Add in the lingering distress of a recent divorce or separation and confused or emotionally distraught children, and you may start to feel overwhelmed. Despite these challenges, moving may be just what you and your children need. Finding a new place to live, whether near or far can provide the family with a fresh start. How you go about this move will make all the difference. Here are seven ways to successfully find a new home for you and your children after a divorce.

Be Transparent

Neither divorce, nor separation are easy experiences to go through, especially when children are involved. You and your kids may go through a range of emotions as you try to process what this change means for your future. Oftentimes, children wonder if they are the cause of the separation. While that is rarely the reason that couples divorce, it’s important to reassure your children of this truth, particularly as you prepare to make other major decisions like choosing a new home. Being transparent will not eliminate your child’s sadness, anger or pain, but having an understanding of what is going on and why can make the transition a little easier.

While being honest is important, discretion is key. Depending on the age of your children, transparency will look different. No matter their age, though, they don’t need all the gorey details, but you should avoid half truths. Stick to the facts rather than badmouthing the other parent or blaming them for the separation. Anticipate that the kids will be upset and sometimes that anger will be misdirected, but your approach can make all the difference

While you don’t need to discuss the end of your marriage frequently, be open to conversation with your children about the topic. Not only will this keep the lines of communication open, but such conversations may reveal any concerns that they might have. In turn, you can take these worries into consideration during your house hunt journey. As you do make decisions about moving, try to keep your children involved by taking them along to see the spaces and preparing them for the differences that may result from the move.

Establish a Budget and Stick to it

Sometimes guilt overwhelms recently divorced parents, and they mistakenly overindulge their children. This can happen even when it comes to picking a new place to live. After completely altering their lives, you may feel like you need to give them the world. However, instead of making promises that may create a financial burden, remember that the most important thing your children need is love. To avoid living beyond your means, make it a goal to establish a budget based on your new financial situation.

Whether you are planning to buy or rent a new home, a budget will come in handy. It’s important to be honest about what you can and cannot afford, especially before you discuss moving with your children. For instance, a pool or sizable backyard may be exciting for the kids, but if these features in a new home fall outside of your price range, it’s best to forego them. Remember that such things may temporarily intrigue your children, but are not worth going into debt over. Afterall, neither a big backyard nor a fancy pool can heal the pain they may experience during the divorce. Rather, set yourself up for success with a realistic budget that allows you to spend quality time with your kiddos, rather than working incessantly to keep up an expensive lifestyle. Your children will remember the time you spent with them more than anything money can buy.

As you create a budget that fits your new lifestyle, you may recognize that it does not allow for all things that your life once included. For instance, you may no longer be able to afford a residential cleaning service, but this change provides an opportunity for the kids to help more around the house. That’s okay; embrace this change and opportunity to help your children grow.

Find a Community

Moving with children after a divorce may involve relocating to a new neighborhood filled with unfamiliar faces, changing schools or simply being further away from your child’s favorite park. It’s true that nothing nor anyone can replace what you and your children are living behind. However, there are ways to make finding your place in a new community easier.

As you begin your house or apartment hunting journey, search for a family-centric neighborhood. While it may be challenging for you and your children to leave behind not only your spouse, but your close friends and neighbors, help your children to see the beauty of the change by finding an area that allows them to broaden their horizons and widen out. It’s tough to say goodbye to some of your favorite places, but buying a home or renting an apartment in a neighborhood that is community-oriented, family-centered and has lots to do can help you and your children feel welcome. Signing your children up for sports teams in the area, taking advantage of local parks and rec activities or simply walking around the new neighborhood can make the transition enjoyable.

A lot of change all at once can be difficult for anyone to deal with. So, if it’s possible to move without forcing the kids to change schools right away or at all, opt to do so. Sometimes school districts will allow students to complete whatever grade they are in before switching schools. If your child’s current school allows such an arrangement, it may be worthwhile to explore this option to give your child time to mentally and emotionally prepare for a new school. If remaining at the same school or in the same school district is not possible, help your children prepare for the change by attending any new student events and taking them to meet their new teachers before their first day.

Hire Movers

Once you’ve settled on a new home, do yourself a favor and hire a moving company. We all know the challenges that come along with moving. With children in the mix, you should anticipate obstacles that you’ve never faced before. Despite all the planning, preparation and open conversation, emotions are likely to be high on the day of the move. Hiring a moving company can help make things easier for everyone involved. While the movers take care of loading, you will be able to tend to your emotions and those of your children. Better yet, with careful, advanced planning and the help of a reputable moving company, you may be able to distract yourself and your children from the commotion of moving day with games, food, and upbuilding conversation.

During past moves, your ex-spouse may have been present, but this time things could be different. While you may have less stuff, trying to pack and load everything on your own will likely be challenging. You will appreciate the extra sets of hands.

Before you settle on a moving company, there’s a few things to consider. Take a look at the company’s reviews, get estimates and verify their credentials. Though your financial standing may have changed since the divorce, don’t simply go for the cheapest movers. This may involve using a credit card or taking out a small loan. You want a smooth transition from your current location to your new home. The moving company you choose can play a huge role in the seamlessness of the move.

Declutter, Downsize and Pack

Nailing down a moving date and movers will help you gauge when to start packing. Your packing experience will be much better if you declutter and downsize first. Think of decluttering as an opportunity to get rid of items that cannot be sold or given away because they are too old, dirty or tattered. Younger children usually like to help their parents, so enlist their assistance in decluttering. Not only will doing so allow you to rid your home of anything you don’t need to take along, your child will enjoy getting to help with a grownup task.

Downsizing is a bit tougher than decluttering. It involves more than simply tidying or discarding. Sometimes downsizing involves getting rid of items we like or love out of necessity. Depending on the size of your new home, it may not be possible to bring all of your belongings. If your finances have taken a hit during the divorce, downsizing may be necessary. Carrying out this task might be difficult for the entire family. To make it more enjoyable and manageable, try going through each child’s possessions separately with them. Downsizing and packing can be emotional, but it also provides an opportunity to go down memory lane as you rediscover objects that have been buried away. So, if you have had a hard time getting your children to open up to you about their feelings regarding the divorce, paring down may encourage them to open up.

After you have thoroughly and efficiently decluttered and downsized, it’s time to start packing! In a tidy environment and with less stuff, your packing experience will be much more manageable. Again, try to make the task enjoyable. Pick a week or certain days to focus on packing and then use those days as opportunities to enjoy your family’s favorite takeout meals. In addition, take breaks and incorporate simple games, like a scavenger hunt for young children.

Decorate Thoughtfully

Once you are all moved in, it’s time to make your new house a home. This is very important, as you want your children to feel comfortable in the new space. Allow your kids to have a say when it comes to decorating their rooms. Add familiar touches to their rooms, like any sentimental items from their other parent. It’s unlikely that you will want to decorate your home with pictures of you and your ex-mate, but it’s important that your children still feel connected to them. As a compromise, you might consider placing pictures of your ex-spouse with the children in their individual bedrooms.

As for the rest of the house, you may choose to ask your children for their input, as well. However, when it comes to shared spaces, such as a living room, den, dining room or finished basement, it’s important to be thoughtful when decorating. If the events leading up to the divorce were traumatic for the children, avoid decorating with items that may remind them of those tough times. It’s better to sell or donate those pieces, and buy new things according to your budget. Sometimes it’s not possible to get rid of certain things. If that’s the case, consider refurbishing the piece. With a little sanding or a fresh coat of paint, you can bring life and happiness into items that were once associated with painful times.

Start Fresh, But Be Patient

One of the most important things about moving with your children after a divorce is starting fresh at a reasonable pace. Too much change in a short amount of time can be traumatic and overwhelming, but little to no change can be just as damaging. Aim to maintain routines, but adopt new healthy habits. For instance, if you normally eat meals together, continue to do so. If you’ve never eaten meals together, try to start. It may seem like a small thing, but a divorce can leave your children feeling angry, sad and even isolated. It’s important to keep the family unit strong despite the change. Remember, finding a home that your children will love following a divorce is about more than the physical location. The behavior that each family member exhibits plays a huge role in their affinity for their new homebase.

Divorce, housing hunting and moving are some of the most major experiences a person can go through. Thankfully, it’s possible to stay positive throughout the journey and settle into the perfect place that suits you and your child’s new lifestyle.

5 Crucial Tips To Deal With The Stress Of Divorce

Stress of divorce

Relationships are one of the essential parts of your life due to constant support and emotional understanding. But, things can go wrong and take a drastic turn soon after uttering “I do.” You may experience anxious thoughts and racing hearts quite often after your divorce. Also, it can affect your social skills and lead to mental issues. Such after-divorce effects might hinder your daily life and call for adequate protective measures. You must sit back and find out the effective ways to deal with the stress and live a happy life.

1.  Normalize The Mixed Feelings

Do you feel anxious and exhausted at one time and aggressive and heated at the next? Mixed feelings are pretty standard, especially after breaking ties with your partner. Venturing into the unknown without any support system by your side can be frightening. Also, it induces a sense of doubt about your capabilities and makes you feel vulnerable. You need to accept the mixed feelings and normalize the thousands of thoughts you experience. Try to let the thoughts flow without reacting to them. That way, you realize that these mixed feelings are temporary and better days await ahead.

While identifying your present emotions, you must try and make more room for positive feelings. Know that life has so much more to offer than just a life partner and a happy married life. Along with this, stay open to the unknown and let life guide you through these times. In case the stress takes over your mind and becomes unbearable, you can always resort to cbdMD for some calming CBD supplements.

2.  Practice Self Care

During the moving on phase, even the normal tasks like waking up and taking a shower can be a lot to do. You may feel like lying on the bed and doing nothing for the entire day. But, try to understand that doing absolutely nothing is harmful to your body and your mind. You need to take care of yourself and practice self-care habits. Whether it’s a nice and warm bubble bath or your favorite cup of coffee on the bed, every little habit makes you feel better.

Hence, you must nurture your body and do the things you love. Take out a few minutes to read a self-help book with the sunset right in front. Or, maybe you can prep your skin with some herbal skincare products. Eat healthy and nutrient-packed foods to rejuvenate your mind and beat the negativity. Living an everyday life and keeping yourself busy at times can be the best stress-buster. Also, understand your worth and start a new journey at this point in life.

3.  Don’t Make Abrupt Decisions.

A life crisis predisposes you to unwanted emotions and constant adrenaline surge. While moving on from the pain of divorce, you must refrain from making some life-changing decisions. Constant emotional disturbance can affect your decision-making abilities and cognition. Further, you might end up doing something that isn’t good for your future self. Try to make decisions after proper analysis and estimation of the future outcomes. That way, you can weigh all your options and make rational decisions.

Always go after practicality and logic for long-term benefits. Decisions driven by emotions are likely to backfire and cause more harm than good.

4.  Let Go

If you can’t control a situation, then you shouldn’t spend even a minute overthinking about it. One of the best ways to deal with separation stress is to let go and quit overthinking. You must utilize the time to find out what’s best for you and your future. Also, try to stay away from negative assumptions and quit overthinking the uncontrollable. Such habits can help you tackle these difficult times and curb stress. Apart from this, you need to step back and say no to any arguments with your ex-partner. While moving on from the relationship takes time, communicating with your ex over the irreparable stuff worsens it. Get some mental clarity and remind yourself not to look back.

Do your best to secure a promising future and take the past incidents as a lifelong lesson. All these measures can help in letting go and venturing into the mysterious life ahead.

5.  Exercise Daily

Another essential habit of incorporating into your life is an exercise routine. Staying active can reduce the levels of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Also, it contributes to a sense of accomplishment, nurtures your body, and limits negative emotions. Separation predisposes you to uncontrollable anger, aggression, and irritability. In such cases, you need a sweat-drenching workout to uplift your mood and stay positive.

Research suggests that exercise is the best way to deal with mental issues like anxiety and depression. Don’t forget to start with the beginner’s workout routine and deal with the mixed emotions like a pro.

Final Words

Divorce is the last thing that any couple wants to go through after tying the knots. Also, it can be quite stressful to deal with due to anxious thoughts and a feeling of vulnerability. If you’re unable to deal with the pain of separation, you must find out effective tips to tackle the issues. Start with understanding your emotions and make more room for positive ones. Also, you can practice self-care habits like reading books or taking a hot shower when you feel stressed. Include more movement in your routine to release stress and negative emotions.

How to Create New Family Holiday Traditions After Divorce

Holiday searated parents with kids

Every year families in America spend more than $4,000 on vacations. These vacations signal a special time to kick back, relax, and share quality time with your family.

After a divorce with kids, it can feel like that dynamic changes. Most couples do not continue holidaying together after a divorce. You may also find that your traditional holiday destinations no longer have appeal.

While this change can feel a little odd, it also means that you have a great opportunity to create new holiday traditions! Embracing this change means that holidays after divorce can be just as much fun as those before it.

Struggling for ideas about how to create new holiday traditions with your family? Well, we’re happy to help! Read on to find out our top tips for making the most of family vacations after a divorce.

Acknowledge the Difference 

Holidays after divorce are always going to be different even if you’re friendly with your ex. Acknowledging this change with yourself and your kids is really important.

Remember, more than 700,000 marriages end in divorce every year. So if you’re going through it you’re not alone! In fact, loads of families navigate this transition successfully every year.

It’s a good idea to ask your kids about how they’re feeling around the holidays. Try to do this lightly – they might be feeling more okay than you are and the last thing you want is to stress them out!

One nice way to bring it up is to ask if there’s anything they like to do during the holidays. To avoid putting them in the middle of two households, present yourself and your ex as a united front. This will make your children feel much more comfortable expressing what they really want.

Include Your Kids in Holiday Planning

One of the most important things about planning holidays for divorced families is ensuring that everyone feels included. This is why it’s a great idea to include your kids in vacation planning.

This might involve asking them:

  • Where they’d like to spend the holidays
  • If there are any activities they’d particularly like to try
  • Discussing holiday destinations they’ve always wanted to visit

To keep things family orientated, you might want to suggest a trip away with their cousins or grandparents. It’s a good idea to try something a little different after a divorce. Trying to recreate an old family holiday can be emotional for everyone involved.

If you do include your kids in holiday planning, you need to be prepared for differences of opinion. For example, if your kids live with your ex and have plans with friends they may want to stay in the area over the summer. In that case, it might be worth thinking about doing a mini-break somewhere nearby.

Try not to take this personally if it does happen. Their friends are an important part of their support network. So it’s understandable that they might want to spend time with them.

Discuss Scheduling With Your Ex

As with all things co-parenting communication is absolutely vital. After divorce, parenting as a unit is the most effective way to create cohesion for everyone involved.

This avoids your children feeling like they’re being pulled in different directions. It also makes planning ahead much easier.

Having a conversation about vacation plans can be very difficult and requires sensitivity. If you need to, bringing a mediator in can really help with this. That way you can both discuss things you need with someone in the room to keep things calm.

It’s important that you do not ask your children to decide what happens during the vacations directly. This can put them on the spot in a very stressful way.

Instead, ask about things that they might like to do and make suggestions for activities. That way you’re focusing on building something nice together rather than fixating on what isn’t happening.

If you get on well with your ex then you might consider spending some of the holidays together. For example, if your children have birthdays during the holidays you might both want to spend the day with them. 

However, it’s important that you only do this if you are absolutely comfortable. Forcing yourselves to “have a nice time for the kids” on a special day could end in disaster.

While spending time apart can be difficult, it ensures that everyone has a relaxing holiday. The most important thing is to act in a way that is fair for everyone involved.

Get Out and About

Being stuck in the house for the holidays during divorce or after it can really emphasize the change. While it’s important to acknowledge and talk about this, getting out and about will do everyone good. 

Some great ideas of fun activities to do with your kids during the holidays include: 

  • Going for walks and picnics to check out local landmarks 
  • Going swimming
  • Doing some gardening (especially if you’ve moved into a new house!)
  • Going for a bike ride
  • Visiting an outdoor cinema (or creating your own in your garden)
  • Going to the beach for a day
  • Creating your own scavenger hunt
  • Holding your own sports day
  • Den-building
  • Visiting a trampoline park 
  • Baking 

All of these activities will keep your kids entertained without costing you the earth. So rather than using your holiday budget for one big activity, why not stretch it out to create a fun-filled week?

Of course, you can balance all these activities out with lots of cozy nights playing games or watching movies.

Stay in Touch During the Holidays

Unfortunately, there will be times when you aren’t with your kids during the vacations. This is one of the hardest parts of holidays during a divorce, especially for long-distance families.

It’s really important to show your kids that even if you aren’t with them you’re thinking of something. Make sure you keep in touch with them over the holidays by calling and messaging them.

If you aren’t with them for birthdays or Christmas, make sure you send any gifts and cards in plenty of time. This will ensure they have something to open and will show them you’re thinking of them.

Show Your Kids That You’ll Make Time for Them

When you can’t spend the whole vacation with your kids it’s important you make the most of the time you have with them. This shows them that you want to spend time with them.

Planning your vacation schedule in advance with your ex is incredibly important. That way everyone, including your children, will know in advance what is going to happen.

Make sure you can dedicate this time to your kids as much as possible. This means keeping your social schedule free and taking time off work if you can. That way they will feel like they are your sole focus. 

If you do have any special holiday traditions between just you and your children these don’t have to go out of the window. Holding on to find little activities that you used to do will show your kids that your love for them hasn’t changed.

Keep Busy If You’re On Your Own 

Being alone during the holidays can be a difficult time especially if you’re doing it for the first time. So it’s important that you keep yourself busy to avoid feeling too down.

This is a good time to reach out to friends and family. That way they can include you in their holiday plans if it works.

Make sure you do this in advance as a lot of people make their holiday plans early on. This will make factoring you in much easier.

If you are on your own, make sure you treat the holidays like just that. Take a break from work and make sure you’re doing something you enjoy.

If you’re looking for something worthwhile to do over the holidays why not look into volunteering? This is a great way to give something back and will leave you feeling fulfilled.

And if you aren’t seeing your kids during the holidays make sure you have something booked in with them soon. That way you will all be able to look forward to time together.

Approach Introducing Them to New People Carefully 

After a divorce with kids, you might not be thinking about moving on very much at all. However, one in five marriages in America is a remarriage. So at some point (now or in the future), you may think about introducing your kids to a new partner.

It is important to handle this sensitively and it’s a good idea to keep it away from family holidays. For example, Christmas for divorced families would be a very bad time to introduce your kids to a new partner. This is a time when you should be focusing on them.

It’s far better to introduce a new partner to them in short bursts, such as over dinner.

If you do really want your new partner to join your holiday, consider having them join you for a weekend or short stay. That way, you still have a lot of quality one-on-one time with your kids.

Over time, you can start bringing together a blended family using fun activities or mini holidays. But it’s a good idea to take this slow and not throw anyone in at the deep end!

Plan in Advance 

Planning ahead after divorce with kids makes all the difference. This means that when you do see your kids you can focus on spending quality time with them. This means organizing things such as:

  • Exactly when you will be seeing your kids (including who is doing the pickup and drop off) 
  • Scheduling around any events they already have in the diary (such as parties or sports games)
  • Getting a food shop or delivery in advance so you don’t have to waste time in the store
  • Making a list of fun or free activities to do in the area to keep them entertained
  • Booking accommodation and travel if you are going away
  • Putting in holiday requests with work well in advance to ensure you are available

Having all of this in place before your holidays begin means you’ll have more time to relax later on. This will help you to be a more present parent and will let you enjoy the holiday yourself!

Don’t Put Too Much Pressure On Yourself 

Speaking of enjoying the holiday, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to create the perfect family holiday. Americans might spend almost 200 hours every year daydreaming about holidays. But it’s important not to let fantasy overtake reality!

No family holiday is ever perfect. In fact, it’s often the unplanned moments that create the best holiday memories. So don’t worry if you’re working with a tight budget or if things change last minute. 

It’s extremely important to take care of yourself when planning a family holiday after a divorce. You will probably feel emotional about the change in your family dynamic. This is a totally normal response. 

Reaching out to friends and family For support at this time can make all the difference. That way you have someone to talk to.

And if things don’t go perfectly to plan that’s also okay! Focusing your time and attention on your kids is far more important than creating a picture-perfect vacation.

Enjoy Your Holidays After a Divorce With Kids

Whether you are planning a Christmas after divorce or a summer vacation with your kids, adjusting to this change can be difficult.

However, if you seize this opportunity to create traditions after a divorce with kids you can have more fun than ever before! In fact, it could be exactly what you all need.

For more help managing co-parenting schedules during the holidays, sign up for your free trial of the 2houses app now. It’s sure to take the pressure off.

3 Excellent Ways to use Creativity and Education to Bond with Your Kids After Separation

Bond with your kids after separation

In cases of separation, what the majority of parents are concerned about is the wellbeing of their children and how the entire situation might affect them. Most children find it confusing that their parents live in different places and they have two homes now, not to mention that they don’t have daily contact with one of their parents anymore. In addition, they sometimes have to adjust to new surroundings, new school and sometimes even their parents’ new partners. Fortunately, kids are able to bounce back and they can do so more quickly if you, as a parent, put some effort into helping them cope. One of the ways to do that is to strengthen the bonds between you and your children. Here are some ideas on how to do exactly that through educating children and inspiring them to be more creative.

Read with them

There aren’t many things in this amazing world that can spark a child’s imagination like an interesting story. Those parents who want to take advantage of this in order to bond with their children, brighten their thoughts and stimulate their intellect should turn to books. First, have your children see you read, as they’ll be more prone to do it themselves that way. Then, when they start showing interest in books, either read to them or, if they’re old enough, find books they can read themselves. Just the act of sitting in the same room and doing the same thing will make you feel closer to each other, as will talking about what you’ve read and perhaps even doing a role play based on the stories from their favorite books. The best part is that, when you talk about the books and how the characters behave and feel, you’ll actually gain a lot of insight into your children’s thoughts, wishes and fears, which is invaluable. Plus, once you instill love for reading in them, it’s more likely they’ll thrive at school and take pleasure in their classes and assignments when they’re older.

Play with them

Another great way to find out if there’s something bothering your child, develop a better relationship with them and boost their creativity is through play. All kids love games and they’ll simply adore the ones they get to play with you. Usually, there’s nothing children want more than for their parents and other adults in their life to play with them, but they don’t get the chance to do that often enough, due to their parents’ daily obligations. This is why you should also make sure they’re in safe hands when you’re not around. For instance, in Sydney, Australia, where divorce rates are quite high, parents seek the best child care Waterloo and other areas can offer, opting for educational centers with an inclusive approach and professional and dedicated staff. So, you should also find a place that promotes acceptance and encouragement for all children and where each child is given the attention they need. That way, whether your children are at home with you, or you put them into daycare, you’ll know that their emotional needs are being met through play and other enjoyable activities. And when they get home, you can play some of the games together and they can share their delight with you.

Practice a new language with them

If there’s one thing that your children can take pleasure in and which can also give them an advantage later in life is learning a new language. While finding an adequate language course or a private tutor is recommended, why not practice with them in the meantime, too? If you think that this is a good time for them to learn a second language, help your children with it by singing songs in that language, showing them flashcards or simply pointing to different objects and asking your kids to name them. If you’re fluent enough, you can even talk to them in the language. After all, children can and should learn outside the classroom as much as they do inside it. Not only will you make it amusing for your child and have them learn something new, but you can also bond with them greatly through such types of activities. The key is to always make it rewarding and entertaining for them and you’ll see how they soak in knowledge and how your connection becomes stronger and more profound.

The relationships between children and their parents play a crucial part in forming the kind of person those children will grow up to be. This is even more significant when your children are forced to go through your separation with you, so let the tips above guide you as you devote all your free time and all of your good will to bonding with your little ones.

Summer Holidays: Managing Conflicting Days Off

Summer holidays and joint custody - 2ouses

Holidays can be tricky for parents with joint custody. After all, many companies do not let you take vacations whenever you want! If you’re struggling to figure out what to do with your children during your holiday (but not theirs), this article is for you.

The Old Standby: The Visitation Schedule

Your custodian agreement likely has a clearly delineated visitation schedule. That said, it’s rare to see a custodial agreement that doesn’t include flexibility for trades, swaps, or other scheduling changes. If you’re struggling to figure out how to handle having your holiday when the kids are still in school, this is the first move.

summer holidays
Mom and son

The more you communicate with your former partner about your desire to spend time with the kids, the better. Be open to swapping weekends or even entire holiday seasons if that’s what it takes. For example, if you’re forced to take your vacation the month before the summer holidays begin, ask to swap possession during those few weeks. If your former partner is proving reticent, consider sweetening the pot: throw in some extended weekend visits.

The goal here is to work within the confines of the existing joint custody agreement to produce the best result for everyone. The more you can achieve with talking, the better.

Bring the Kids Along (Virtually)

If your children aren’t home (and you are taking your holidays), use your free time! For example, consider asking your former partner if it’s possible to do regular video calls with the kids. If physical possession is out of the question, bring the kids along in a virtual sense.

camera and holidays
A vintage camera with vintage photos

Nearly everyone has some combination of smartphone, laptop, or tablet computer. It’s easy as pie to video call the kids daily while you’re off surfing in Hawaii or exploring the streets of Europe. If the time zones don’t line up, or if the kids are busy, record short videos of your vacation adventures. The kids can watch them when they have the time and you’ll remain a constant presence in their life.

Consider Offering Your Own Time

Parenting is the busiest profession in the world, bar none. Taking the kids from soccer practice to band practice to chess club takes time that your former partner may not have. If you’d prefer to spend some of your summer holidays with your kids, offer to make your former partner’s life a bit easier.

Holidays as mono parent
Dad and his daughter at the sea.

Of course, this depends entirely on your joint custody agreement. Your current relationship with your ex certainly comes into play as well. That said, an amicable offer goes a long way: offering to take the kids to soccer practice (followed by ice cream) might give your former spouse a few precious hours they desperately need.

Talk Early, Talk Often

It’s a sad reality that joint custody parenting often focuses more on managing your relationship with your former partner than anything else. The more you talk, the better the outcome for those pesky holiday schedules. Take the time to work out a clear summer holiday schedule as far in advance as possible. The sooner you know there will be a scheduling conflict during your holiday, the better!

Managing Summer Holidays

It’s not fun to find out that you’re forced to take vacation days away from your children. If it happens, take the time to communicate your desires to the other parent and see if an agreement can be reached. If there’s no way to change the vacation schedule, see if it’s possible to volunteer some time here and there. And, of course, phone calls, video chats, and short video clips never go amiss.

It’s not an ideal situation, but use these tips and make the best of it!