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Co-Parenting During the Holidays: Top Tips for Parents

Co-Parenting During the Holidays

When you and the other parent of your child or children are no longer together, the holidays can be rough. You want to give the best holiday experience to your entire family, but our stereotype of that experience involves a family that’s still together.

Not being romantically involved with your former partner doesn’t mean that you can’t have a fun and stress-free holiday, though. After all, children often joke about the one benefit of parents in separate households: two holidays!

Jokes aside, I want to tell you how you make co-parenting easy. Between using a co-parenting app, opening up communication, managing bad feelings, and more, here are my top tips for making your holidays special despite your situation.

Talk to Your Children

The first and most important thing that you need to do is talk to your children about the holidays (as long as they’re old enough to understand). Your children are the first priority for both you and your former partner. 

If you’re old enough, ask them what they would like to do. While their choice isn’t the only factor, it gives you a good baseline. The holidays are often child-focused. 

Some children may want to stay with the parent that’s nearest their friends if the other one lives far away. Other children will want to split time. Asking their opinions gives them agency and helps them understand the negotiating process. 

Also, regardless of age, make sure that they understand the situation, especially if it’s your first holiday after a separation. They don’t know what to expect and they may get disappointed if they realize last-minute that the holidays are going to be different this year.

Preparing them ahead of time will make them more comfortable when the holidays finally roll around. This is the new normal, and it may take more than one holiday for them to accept it, but starting them off on the right foot is all that you can do. 

Make Arrangements With Your Former Partner Ahead of Time

You need to plan ahead. You don’t want to have any last-minute disputes over who gets to spend how much time with your children and where they get to spend that time. There are several ways that you can handle this situation.

If you’re on good terms, this still applies. Even the most civil or friendly of co-parenting relationships could get tense during the holidays whether you’re on your first go-around or you’ve been doing this for a while. 

Talk with your former partner about what you want and why you want it, and give them space to do the same. Think of this as a continuation of your separation negotiations. 

If you’re not on good terms, try putting aside your differences for your children, even if this means talking through a middle-man or doing everything online. 

It’s good to have things on paper. Whether it’s in the paperwork for your separation and custody agreements, written in a later contract, recorded on a co-parenting calendar, or simply discussed via text or email, having it on paper allows you to have a paper trail and prevents you or your former partner from forgetting. 

Split Time Equally

Unless there are unusual circumstances, it’s best to split time so both parents have an equal holiday experience with their children. That said, this looks different for every family. 

If you and your former partner live far away from each other, like in different states (or even countries), it may not be possible for your children to spend the same holiday in both places. In this situation, consider alternating years, but evening out the difference with other holidays. 

For example, one parent gets the winter holidays one year, but during that same year, the other parent gets Halloween or Thanksgiving. While it’s not the same, it’s fair. You exchange spots every year outside of extenuating circumstances. 

When you live close together, it’s generally easier to switch back and forth. While only one parent will have the actual holiday (and you should still swap every year), the days before and after are still valuable.

Consider giving Christmas eve to one parent and Christmas to the other. You could also consider giving New Years to the parent that didn’t get Christmas. 

If you’re in an ideal situation, it’s possible that one parent doesn’t celebrate the same holiday as the other. If you celebrate Channukah and your former partner celebrates Christmas, there’s no problem.

Work Past Bad Feelings

Sometimes you need to work through your own emotions when there are other people in the relationship. If your or your partner (or both) re-marries, there may come a time when the children could spend more holiday time with them as they could have two sets of families on each side.

Consider seeing a counselor to discuss this as it’s a more complicated situation. It’s okay to be uncomfortable with your children spending time with the other family, but they come first.  

Discuss Gifts and Activities

It’s crucial that you and your co-parent discuss the details of the holidays before they come around. Notably: the gifts and events.

While doubling up on gifts once in a while is no big deal (after all, who doesn’t want to have a bike or television at both houses?), it’s a good idea to make sure that most gifts are given by one parent or the other.

If your child still believes in Santa, not discussing gifts ahead of time could ruin the illusion. 

Make sure that neither parent tries to “out-do” the other one to cause tension with the children. If you want to get a large gift, like a cell phone, consider doing so together. There’s no need for one parent to out-do the other when the goal is to give the kids a great holiday. 

These rules also apply to events. If you live near each other, it’s tempting to take advantage of every event even if you’re doubling up. Instead, try to split them.

For example, one parent gets to do photos with Santa while the other gets to go through a winter wonderland display. 

Some children may not mind doing an event more than once, but you don’t want one parent getting to all of them first so the child is bored by the time they go through them again. 

Use A Co-Parenting App 

It’s time to start using technology to your advantage. Using a co-parenting app and co-parenting calendar makes everything more seamless year-round. 

Using that app, you can create a parenting calendar that lets you make and track an easy-to-read schedule. When changes come up, they’re easy to make and both parents have access so there’s no confusion. 

It’s easy to message back and forth in a secure setting so there’s no chance of children finding out about potential gifts. You don’t want them listening in on the phone!

It’s also great for exchanging holiday photos. The parent without the children on the holiday may feel sad that they’re missing out. When you can share photos right away, it takes away some of the stress. 

You can even set up a private “social network” so that both sides of the family can keep up with each other. You can post pictures, statuses, videos, articles, and more so everyone has access.

This is a great alternative if you’re no longer comfortable with having your former partner on your normal social media accounts. 

The apps make co-parenting as easy and painless as possible during the holidays and beyond. 

Consider Mediation or Counseling

If you’re having trouble with the negotiation process, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out an unbiased third party to help. The holidays are stressful, so even if you usually get along, you may run into snags.

Many people continue counseling even after the relationship is over. It’s good for you, it’s good for the kids, and it’s a good way to avoid problems when situations like this arise. 

Instead of managing the stress on your own, talk to a mediator. 

Give Children Special Experiences

If your children are new to having to split their holidays, it’s important that you remind them that the holidays are still a happy and special time of year. You don’t want to make them sad or you may risk your child associating that feeling with the holidays. 

This is a perfect time to plan out special experiences.

If you can, look for fun events like breakfast with Santa, light shows, musicals, and anything else that could get your child into the festive spirit. If they have a favorite place that isn’t holiday-related, now is a great time to take them.

You should spend as much family time together as possible. Not all holiday activities are expensive or far from home.

Take your child ice skating or watch some favorite holiday movies with them. Make a point to decorate the tree (if you use one) as a family. If your child bought a gift for their other parent, help them wrap it so they know there’s no animosity. 

You can use this time to set up traditions, like baking special cookies every year or making decorations. 

A split holiday doesn’t have to be a bad holiday. When you show your child how special and warm it can be, they won’t fret when it’s time to split households. 

Consider Celebrating Together

This is an unusual situation, but if you and your co-parent are both up for it, see if you’re able to celebrate together under one roof.

This isn’t always an option, especially soon after the separation occurs. That’s okay and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. 

That said, if you’re on good terms (or even friends), it doesn’t hurt to consider the possibility of working together to make a special holiday for the kids. This doesn’t mean that you’re best friends or reuniting. You’re doing this for the children. 

Your child needs to know (or at least perceive) that you and your former partner are getting along. There should be no yelling, arguing, or otherwise disrupting the peace. 

Coming together for a holiday may give your child a more stable situation. Make sure that they understand that this is a friendly occasion rather than a romantic one.

Even if your former partner has a new partner, coming together in this way can be enjoyable if you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself, though. 

Be Flexible

Flexibility is everything, even during “normal” holidays. There’s so much to do and so little time and things rarely go to plan. 

This is extra true when you’re co-parenting during the holidays. 

Remember that things on either side may go awry. It’s possible that the other parent needs you to have the kids even when it’s “their year,” or vice-versa.

For example, if your co-parent has someone on their side of the family that they don’t get to see often who doesn’t get many opportunities to see the children, consider letting them have “your year” after negotiating a good alternative. 

Be Gentle on Yourself 

At the end of the day, this is a stressful time. You’re managing a new situation and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. You need to take time for yourself.

Engage in self-care and try to slow down despite the quick pace of the holidays. Consider seeking individual counseling if you need to discuss the events without commentary or judgment. 

Don’t put pressure on yourself to give your kids a perfect holiday. No holiday is perfect. What matters is that you’re doing your best to provide a special experience despite the circumstances. Taking care of your mental health helps you provide a better holiday for the kids. 

Use These Co-Parenting Tips for an Easier Split Holiday

No one ever said that co-parenting during the holidays was going to be easy. By using a helpful co-parenting app, keeping an open conversation with your co-parent, and prioritizing the children, it doesn’t have to be stressful. 

Remember that both you and your former partner have your children’s best interests at heart. What matters is that you all have a joyful holiday season.

Are you looking for more guidance and help for your co-parenting experience? Not only does 2houses have helpful articles that make co-parenting easy, but they also have a great co-parenting app that helps you manage all of the details of your split custody. 

For one price per family, you can revitalize your co-parenting. Sign up today and start a 14-day free trial so you can see the difference. 

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The Top Ways for Your Mother-in-Law to Bond With Your Kids

The Top Ways for Your Mother-in-Law to Bond With Your Kids

Dealing with kids is hard itself, especially if you’re a single parent, coping with divorce, or under stress. How do you find the time to ensure all their relationships for your kids are still in check?

The grandchildren-grandparent relationship is especially important. Those who are close to their grandparents have healthier lives overall. They have fewer emotional problems even later in life.

Maybe you and your mother-in-law didn’t have the perfect relationship. Read on for the top ways for your mother-in-law to bond with your kids. You can still ensure your children have a good connection with your ex-in-laws with these tips. 

Be a Role Model

Kids are little copy machines. They mimic the behavior of everyone around them, especially the parents. If you want them to get closer to their grandparents, you should also show how you care about your in-laws.

You set an example for your kids. If you let them see how you love their grandparents, they’ll follow and behave the same way.

If your in-law is far away, you can tell stories about your relationship with her. This makes them excited about meeting their grandparent.

Even if they haven’t had many mother-in-law bonding moments with her, making them comfortable around their grandparents is important. It will allow them to bond easier and better in the future.

Encourage Your Kids

In the physical absence of the grandparents, you will take on the role of bringing them closer. In line with our advice above, you can do this by telling stories. 

Think of some interesting memories you’ve had with your in-laws. Hearing about them through your stories will make your kids feel closer. 

Then, encourage your children to make memories with them, too. Let them think of ways they can connect with their grandparents. 

Have them make a list of what activities they would like to do with their grandparents. Make sure to let them think about what your in-laws would enjoy doing, as well. 

You can suggest things that your kids might like to learn. If your in-laws have hobbies or occupations that they can teach to your children. 

Give Them Some Alone Time

The best way your in-laws and kids can bond is if you give them some alone time. Kids are pretty attached to parents, so you’ll likely get in the way of their bonding without intending to. They might pay more attention to you instead of the grandparent.

Once you’re sure that your kid is okay with the grandparents, you can schedule some alone time. It’s best to do this once they’ve already met your in-laws a couple of times. That way, they won’t feel that you left them to a stranger.

Alone time can range from an uninterrupted moment in your home or a date night without either parent. As the parent, you can also choose the level of interaction you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to force your kid for a whole weekend alone with grandma if they’re uncomfortable. 

When they’re alone, your children have no choice but to interact with their grandparents. This gives them better chances to find things they like about each other.

They’ll feel closer to each other this way. Soon, they’ll develop an unbreakable bond they’ll cherish for the rest of their lives. 

As they feel more comfortable, they can have more alone times with their grandparents. You can have them start from a few hours in your house, then progress to seeing a movie together.

Activities like fishing and going to amusement parks can be next in line. If all three parties agree, you can allow your kids to stay overnight at their grandparent’s house. 

Go on Vacations Together

When you go on vacations, consider inviting your in-laws, too. These moments offer great opportunities for making memories, which is why these are important for the grandparents, too. 

Even a simple trip to the beach can be meaningful to everyone involved. Your kids will always be able to associate good memories with their grandparents.

Once you’re comfortable with the idea, you can also have your kids go on vacations without you. These moments are rare, but it’s a great way to further strengthen their relationship. Plus, you can get some more “me time,” which is a precious commodity for all the single parents out there.

Play Board Games

Humans have long been using board games to bond with their peers. The good thing about it is that it brings together generations.

You can play them with your friends, parents, and grandparents. As long as everyone knows the rules, everyone is up for a good time. 

Board games force face-to-face interactions, unlike other types of games. Video games, for example, require players to glue their eyes on the screen. There’s little interaction aside from talking. 

That’s why they’re great as a bonding activity even when the players have a huge age gap. Your kids will be able to connect more with your in-laws. And, as a plus, this activity can foster their social skills, too.

Board games also require thinking and strategizing. These can help your kids develop other skills, like decision-making and problem-solving.

Invite the Grandparents to Meals

Eating meals together is a good opportunity to have meaningful conversations. Dinners, in particular, are a good time for everyone to bring closure to their days.

You should encourage conversations during family dinners. Ask your kids about their days, and share some stories about yours, too. You can also ban cellphones on the table so that everyone can pay attention to the table.

When this becomes a normal part of any meal, it will be easier to bond over a good meal. You can then invite them over for dinner once in a while. You can even schedule weekly dinners as kids like having routines.

When possible, you can also dine out in new and interesting restaurants. Make it a fun activity for everyone. Get your kids excited about it so they’ll look forward to it every time. 

Let Them Do Any Activity At All

Are your in-laws coming over? That’s enough opportunity for both them and the kids to have some bonding sessions. They can do any activity while they’re at your house.

It can be cooking a meal, reading a book, or even cleaning. It can be any activity that they’re willing to participate in. That should be enough to make them closer to each other.

Encourage Them to Hear Some Family Stories

Every grandparent has cool stories to share. Whenever the chance arises, get your kids to ask about them. Your in-laws will be happy to tell some interesting stories that might even interest you.

Your in-laws will appreciate the rare chance to tell their stories. And, your kids will love hearing about them.

It’s a good opportunity for you and your children to hear more about the family. These are stories they’ll carry for the rest of their lives.

This is one of the top ways for your mother-in-law to bond with your kids because it can happen anywhere. They can tell the stories over the phone, when they come over, or even right before bedtime.

Invite the Grandparents to Your Kids’ Activities

Do your kids have any extracurricular activities, like soccer, ballet, or piano lessons? If so, their grandparents should be involving themselves in some way.

You can invite them to matches, recitals, and even to practices. Keep them updated, send them pictures, and tell them stories. They’ll appreciate the gesture as you make sure they’re still involved in your children’s lives.

Your children will also appreciate that their grandparents are coming to see them. They’ll remember all the times your in-laws came to support them. After every event, you can go for meals together to further strengthen their bond.

This is only a problem if your in-laws don’t live nearby and can’t come over often. In this case, you can take advantage of the Internet to involve them in these events and activities.

You can call them over their device and enable video. It may sound like a cliche and a hassle, but it’s important to involve them in these events. Speaking of tech, continue reading to find out how else you can integrate technology into bonding.

Connect Over Long Distances

Thanks to the newest technology, you can now talk face-to-face with anyone in the world. As long as you have a device that can connect to the internet, you can see your loved ones anytime.

This is useful for when you want your in-laws to bond with your kids but physical meetings are impossible. Normalize letting your kids talk to their grandparents over Skype or Zoom.

This can be a weekly ritual, in which your children can share how their week went. Have them tell absurd kid stories, and ask how their grandparents are doing. This timeframe offers enough of a break to help kids gather stories to tell.

This isn’t the only way you can take advantage of technology, though. You can also play games in real-time over the internet or find videos to watch together.

The internet is a gold mine of information and activities. You only have to regulate your kids’ consumption and make sure they stay on the good side of the internet.

Send Them Letters and Arts

Another way you can conquer the distance is to do it the old way – by sending the grandparents letters. While the internet makes everything more convenient, using the mail system makes for a cool new activity for your kids.

Have your kids write letters to your in-laws in their own words. Tell them to write about their day, their new favorite movie, their pet, or anything at all. It doesn’t even have to make sense – their grandparents will love it either way.

For the grandparents, every letter they receive becomes a treasure. Don’t let it surprise you if you find a box full of their grandchildren’s letters in their house.

To spice things up a bit, you can also send some of your kids’ creative works. Be it a finger painting, a nice drawing of their grandparents, or an unidentified craft. It will be a nice addition to your in-laws’ fridge or such.

The bonus is that making some arts and crafts is also a good bonding activity for you and your children. It’s a great way to keep them busy, and they’ll enjoy making it with you, as well.

Allow the Grandparents to Share Their Hobbies

Sometimes, you should also let the grandparents take the helm. What do they want to do with their grandkids?

They might want to share their hobby or favorite activity. It could be gardening, fishing, shopping, or some other interest. 

This is a good way for your kids to learn more about their grandparents. They might even love doing a particular activity so much that they want to make it their hobby, too. This gives them more common grounds, which they can bond over in the future.

Look for More Ways for Your Mother-in-Law to Bond With Your Kids

Looking for more ideas? You can always come up with new ways for your mother-in-law to bond with your kids.

Find activities that work for all parties involved. After all, every kid and every situation are different. If you need more parenting tips, feel free to visit our website or contact us for more details.

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How Witnessing Domestic Violence Affects Kids

Domestic Violence

The United States National Center for Biotechnology Information says that approximately 80 to 90% of the people who suffer domestic violence will neglect or abuse their children.

What is domestic violence? Domestic violence can involve many different forms. It can be chronic arguing, screaming matches, behavior disciplining, threats, intimidation, and physical violence. 

The home is far from a safe haven for so many children. Every year, hundreds of millions of children are subjected to domestic abuse at home, which has a strong and profound effect on their lives and dreams for the future.

Domestic abuse is a strain on a family, especially the children. If you are concerned about the impact of witnessing domestic abuse on children, read on.

Domestic Violence in a Nutshell

Domestic abuse is violence that occurs between parties in a relationship. It is not a healthy relationship to be in, especially for couples with children. These unhealthy relationships will often end in divorce or separation.

Domestic violence can happen in a variety of ways.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is essentially when a person uses physical force against you, which then causes harm.

Physical abuse can manifest in any of the following ways:

  • Biting and scratching
  • Pushing or shoving
  • Slapping or hitting
  • Kicking
  • Strangling or choking
  • Throwing stuff
  • Force-feeding or not supplying you any food
  • Using weapons to hurt you
  • Holding you physically (like pinning you against a wall, or the floor, etc.)
  • Driving recklessly
  • Other acts that hurt or threaten you

Physical abuse often begins gradually in a relationship, such as with a push or a slap, and becomes progressively worse over time. Physical violence is illegal.

Mental or Emotional Abuse

Mental abuse involves the efforts of an individual to frighten, manipulate, or exclude you. It is in the way the abuser speaks to you and in their actions towards you. The abuser will continue to be persistent in these actions.

Here are some signs of mental abuse.

Name-Calling

Abusers continuously call you names; for example, ‘stupid,’ ‘idiot,’ ‘loser,’ or even much worse. That is degrading and uncalled for. 

Demeaning Pet Names

Demeaning pet names is name-calling taken to a different level. ‘My little piglet,’ ‘chubby cheeks’ or ‘hey fat a**’; those are not terms of endearment.

The Slaying of Character

This usually includes the phrase “always.” You’re always late, wrong, messing up, bad, and so on. Basically, they mean that you’re not a decent person.

Being Patronizing  

Again, this is being degrading and telling you that you are not intelligent, such as, ‘Aw, sweetheart, I know you’re trying, but this is way over your head.’

Embarrassing the Abused in Public

The abuser will pick fights on purpose. They also reveal embarrassing secrets or makes fun of you in public.

Sarcastic Remarks 

Often, sarcasm is shown as a poke in the ribs. When you disagree, they claim they’ve been joking and tell you to quit taking it too seriously.

Comments on Your Appearance

The abuser will often comment about your appearance. That would be something like, ‘your hair is a mess’ or ‘you can’t possibly go out in those clothes.’

Belittling Your Hobbies and Interests

The abuser likes to control what you do and when you do it by belittling your interests. They may tell you that your hobby is a total waste of time and money. 

They Will Push Your Buttons

Once the abuser hears about something that bothers you, they’re going to pick at it every chance they have. That can affect your mental health and will send you spiraling into depression.

These strategies are intended to weaken your self-esteem. Abuse is cruel and unceasing in all matters.

Emotional Abuse

Abusers prefer to put their own emotional interests first before yours. Many abusers like to interfere with your relationships with loved ones or with supportive friends.

Here is how they go about it.

Demanding Respect 

No minor mistake will go unpunished. You must listen to them without being able to reply.

Shutting Communication Down

The abuser will dismiss your attempts at interacting or talking to them either in person, by email, or by phone. If you do attempt to communicate, they will shut you down.

Ignore You

The abuser will glance away when you’re talking or when they talk to you. They can also give you the silent treatment.

Keeping You to Themselves

They come up with something else when you want to go out or tell you not to go. Basically, the abuser is trying to make you feel guilty and wants to control every aspect of your life. 

They Control Affection

The abuser won’t hug you, touch your face in affection, or let alone kiss you. Also, they will refuse to have sex to punish you. The abuser will only give you affection on their terms.

Turn People Against You

Abusers warn your colleagues, associates, and even family that you’re psychotic and susceptible to hysterics. They will often lie and say you don’t want to see your family, etc.

They Will Call You Desperate and Needy

If you look for support from the abuser, they will turn you away. Even when you’re desperate and try to get their help, they mock you and say that you are too clingy.

Indifferent to Your Emotional Needs

When you are hurt or cry, they will simply do nothing and walk away. The abuser treats you in a demeaning manner.

What’s more, behavioral or emotional abuse, though more frequent in dating and marriage partnerships, can occur in any relationship, even between friends and co-workers.

Emotional abuse is one of the most challenging types of abuse to identify. It can be discreet and sneaky, or it can be open and malicious. Whatever way, it eats away at the victim’s self-esteem, and they tend to question their opinions and their value.

Neglectful Abuse

Neglect happens when an individual, either by acts or omissions, deprives another person of the attention required to protect that person’s physical or mental health.

Examples include not supplying the following necessities:

  • Food items
  • Water, both for drinking and bathing
  • New clothing
  • A healthy place to live
  • Medications or health care

Although physical abuse is disturbing because of the scars it leaves, not all child or adult abuse symptoms are apparent:

  • Ignoring children’s needs
  • Placing them in unsupervised, risky circumstances
  • Ignoring them when they are in sexual situations
  • Having them feel worthless or idiotic 

All the above are also examples of child abuse and neglect that can leave children or anyone with deep, permanent wounds.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is also referred to as ‘molesting.’ It is inappropriate sexual conduct from one individual to another, such as being forced to have unwelcome, risky, or humiliating sexual activity. It is often done through the use of physical force or by taking full advantage of another.

The abuse often includes kissing, rubbing, or touching and being forced to have sexual relations. The abuser often exposes the victim to sexual activity, photos, or videos.

Forced sex, even by a spouse or sexual partner with whom you also have sex with both parties’ consent, is an act of assault and domestic abuse. Furthermore, people whose partners physically and sexually abuse are more likely to be severely injured or even killed.

These are some signs of sexual abuse:

  • Breast or genital skin bruising
  • Unexplained genital or venereal diseases
  • Unexplained bleeding in the anal and genital area
  • Underwear that is ripped, stained, or bloody
  • A person’s story of being sexually attacked or raped

Children who bore witness to domestic violence between their parents also experience abuse. In addition, they are more at risk of being exploited by the same parent or adult.

What Are the Effects of Abuse on Children?

Child abuse is a serious social and public health problem. It can apply to physical and mental damage caused to a child by a parent, care provider, or family friend, resulting in harmful effects and sometimes long-term implications.

Children who experience conflict between parents will also be at higher risk of violence in their future relationships. If you as a parent are being abused, it can be hard to know how to defend and protect your child.

Short-Term Effects of Child Abuse

Children may feel scared and insecure in families where one adult is being abused. They might always be on edge, worrying when the next violent incident will happen. Depending on their age, they will respond in various ways.

Preschool Children

Young children who see violence and abuse in their parents’ relationship may begin to do revert to things they used to do when younger. These actions could be bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, continuous crying, and even whining. They may also experience difficulty sleeping, be scared, or show signs of separation anxiety.

School-Age Children

Children of school age will feel guilty and take the blame for the abuse. As with an adult, domestic violence affects kids’ self-esteem. 

Kids might keep to themselves and not participate in team activities, let their grades slip, and be loners. They are also more likely to complain of headaches and stomachaches.

Abuse in Teenagers

Children of this age can feel guilty about abuse and feel it is their fault. Teens who experience abuse can behave in negative ways, such as:

  • Confront family members or cutting school
  • Cut classes or even school altogether
  • Engage in unprotected sexual activities
  • Use drugs or alcohol
  • Have low self-esteem
  • Be loners
  • Start fights
  • Be bullies
  • Get into trouble with the law

This form of behavior is more typical in teenage boys who have been victimized in their childhood than in teen girls. However, girls are more likely to be withdrawn than boys and to suffer from depression.

Teen Abuse Long-Term Effects

Teenage children may experience the most behavioral changes as a result of exposure to abuse. Depending on their situation, teens may:

  • Speak about the incident all the time or deny that it has happened
  • Refuse to obey the rules or back-talk more often
  • Complain of tiredness all the time
  • Have disturbing sleeping patterns
  • Have increased aggression
  • Choose to be alone and not spend time with friends
  • Experience recurring nightmares
  • Use alcohol and drugs
  • Run away from home
  • Get into trouble with the law

These abused adolescent children are at higher risk of continuing the cycle as adults by getting into abusive relationships or becoming offenders themselves. For example:

  • A boy who witnesses his mother experiencing abuse is more likely to abuse his wife as an adult
  • A girl living in a family where her father assaults her mother is more likely to be assaulted herself than a girl who grows up in a non-abusive family

Another long-term effect of children who encounter or are victims of mental, physical, or sexual violence is a greater risk of developing medical conditions as adults. These can include:

However, the good news is that as children grow up, they don’t necessarily repeat the same pattern. When kids don’t like what they see, they will work hard not to make the same choices as their parents. Even then, children from violent and dysfunctional homes can grow up feeling insecure and unhappy, and be unsocial.

Can Children Recover From Domestic Violence or Abuse?

Children react differently to trauma and abuse. Some children are more resistant while others are more vulnerable. How good a child is in recovery from violence or abuse depends on several factors, namely having:

  • Strong support or positive relationships with trustworthy adults
  • High sense of self-esteem
  • Good friends

While children can certainly never forget what they have witnessed during the abuse, they can find better ways to handle their feelings and experiences as they grow older. That being said, the faster a child receives counseling and treatment, the higher their probability of becoming an emotionally and physically stable adult.

Speak Out and Be Free

Domestic violence or bullying can happen to anybody! Domestic abuse is never acceptable or excusable, and everyone deserves the right to live a terror-free life without being hurt and controlled.

If you or your child is witnessing domestic violence, it can have a huge effect on their mental health and wellbeing, both while the abuse is going on and later on in life.

The most significant thing you can do is to find the appropriate support. This will help you take that next step so that you and your children can feel safe and get the help you need!

If you find yourself not coping as a separated parent, contact us for help with communication and becoming organized for your children’s wellbeing.

If you are or witnessed a victim of domestic violence, here are some resources for assistance and professional help:

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Single Parenting- 5 Tips for Taking Care of Your Mental Health!

Single Parenting-5 Tips for Taking Care of Your Mental Health!

The revolutionary age of the twenty-first century has brought forward numerous novelties. However, not all are external innovations and technologies. Some evolutions have drastically taken place in the mind-sets of people. It is, in fact, one of the most significant signs of modernism. Just like nuclear families, single parenting has become a prevalent factor in today’s time. Single parenthood or single parenting is one parent raising a child or more children all alone without any partner. Today, many justified reasons make one choose the path. It depends on inevitable circumstances like divorce, break-ups, death of a spouse, a partner being posted elsewhere permanently for an active job, etc.

Life as a single parent can get pretty stressful and unmanageable, and out of control sometimes. You may feel out of your mind, overwhelmed, juggling responsibilities, and stretching your strength. From raising the child, showing up at work, paying the bills, completing the life chores, you might feel you lost yourself. But the good news is there is always a way out!

Here are five quick and pragmatic tips for the brave single parents to keep your mind sane and active!

1.   Reach Out For Additional Help Without Hesitation

A support system can work wonders if you can only reach out for it without guilt. As a single parent, you will never feel like refusing a helping hand or additional support! Often single parents tie a great bond with neighbors, relatives, or trusted friends to take care of situations they cannot attend. When it is about children, people will be happy to help. But make sure to reach the right ones! Below are a few ideas:

  • When it comes to raising children, mainly if they are school-goers, there are many duties like taking them to school and bringing them back on time. Do not try to do everything alone. Opt for a car-pool service or hire a reliable chauffeur. Sharing this responsibility with other parents is also an excellent idea.
  • Do you have your parents or any close relative living nearby? Then it is wise to call them to your home. Children bond very well with elders, and they can learn many things from them. Moreover, senior members can guide both you and your kids in the proper direction.
  • You can even ask any close friend of yours to take care of your kids for a few hours if you have to go somewhere urgently.

2.   Practice Stress Management and Stay Positive – The Key Approach!

Secondly, make an effort to manage your stress in every way possible. Whether it is a quick run, a meditation session, a steam bath, a glass of wine in your backyard, feel free to explore what suits you! Staying positive in all situations is the key to good mental health. Your negativity will affect the children. So, eat and sleep properly, go for an outing or talk to a friend if you feel alone.

Besides that, you can opt for CBD or cannabidiol as it plays an excellent role in reducing anxiety and stress. The good news is they are available in the form of tasty gummies now! So, before you try them, do check https://cbdfx.com/cbd-oil-vs-gummies/ to add an edge to your rollercoaster life!

3.   Partner Up With Your Child or Children

Now, when you are a single parent, you cannot just play the strict and stern elderly figure to your little one. It can make situations tougher on both your part. So, make sure that you lay enough unconventional efforts to know, understand and team up with your child. Things like spending moderately quality time with them, having a conversation, attending a few counseling sessions can help you drill deeper into your child’s world. It will make managing them much more comfortable.

4.   Involve Them In Activities They Cherish!

As per studies of child psychology, children involved in many extracurricular activities they enjoy helps them excel personally and academically. This is why most single parents are choosing to involve their children in activities that they genuinely enjoy. As a single parent, this can cover up for them to help you gain some extra time for yourself. Not only that, this is one of the rare and practical approaches that can help your child excel in all aspects of life and prepare for a better future.

5.   Treat Your Kid As A Kid Always And Sometimes Yourself Too!

Yes, it may sound odd, but the pampering and time out for yourself sometimes are crucial. It is an essential point many tend to forget. You need not feel guilty about it, as self-love is much different from being self-centered. Going on a kitty-party, a long drive with your friends, a shopping session, or hitting the spa will only contribute to grooming you as a better and more patient parent.

Signing Off

So, if you are a single parent, follow the five tips mentioned above and keep your mind free from stress. Other than that, make a routine for yourself and the kids and follow it earnestly. No matter who is responsible for this single-hood, stop feeling guilty. Be it your kids or others asking you about single parenting, always be honest and confident with your answer. The mantra is to be happy and enjoy every moment of life.

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Successful Parenting Tips and Plans for Parents

Successful Parenting

Successful parenting does not come with a set of rules; you will learn parenting while raising your child. No matter the number of books or articles you study on parenting, it is a natural process; you will learn it automatically.  

Raising kids is not easy as it looks; it is one of the most challenging jobs. Moreover, if you are being parents for the first time, it can be more overwhelming for you than being parents for the second time.

Your parenting technique can change based on the different phases of a childs’ life. When your kids are toddlers, you may use different parenting styles, and once they move to their teenage years, your parenting method can change.

Your kids’ behavior depends on the way you treat your kids. If you are a harsh parent, your kids can have aggressive behavior; therefore, your raise your kids shape their behavior in the future.

Even though parenting is learned through your personal experience, you need to know some basic tips and plan in advance, which reduces overwhelming situations in the future.

Here in this article, I have mentioned some successful parenting tips and plans that you can use:

Spend Quality of Time With Your Children

One of the most essential tips that you should follow as a parent is spending quality time with your kids.

Spending time with your kids does not mean spending hours without talking a single word. Spending quality time means doing some productive activity like painting, watching TV, cooking, baking, or any other activities.

You may know that children, especially toddlers, want their parent’s attention. Therefore by giving them enough time ensures them that they are loved. It helps to create a special bond between you and your kids.

Likewise, you need to give equal time to your teenagers as well, during teenage children can feel lonely when you do not give them time. And when you spend time with your teenagers, you will know their likes and dislikes, things your kids want to pursue in the future, and more importantly, if they are on the right path or not.

Spending quality time is not just beneficial for your kids, but it is equally beneficial for you. After a long day or a week in the office, it will reduce all your stress, and you spend some time with your kids.

Show Them You Love Them

Every parent has different ways of showing love and affection to their kids, some like to show, and some do not. If you are among those parents who do not like to show how much you love your kids, you may be doing it wrong.

Children need love and affection for their mental well-being and help to develop their self-esteem.

Children can quickly feel unloved if you do not express your feelings towards them frequently. They are emotionally sensitive and can have a sense of insecurity in them. And it is one of the main reasons that kids often ask if you love them or not.

To ensure your kids that you love them, you should never hesitate to express your feelings. As a parent, you should not feel awkward expressing your love to your kids.

Just saying “I Love You” to your kids can make your kids feel they are loved. When you express your feelings toward your kids, it helps your kids be expressive too.

Set Rules

Rules are the guideline that helps your kids to stay disciplined. Children can be very naughty if you do not set any boundaries for your kids.

When you set specific rules for your kids, like to wake up on time, do your assignment on time, eat healthy food, it makes kids self-disciplined.

You may be aware that in every place you go, you have to follow some rules. Hence, when your kids have a habit of following rules you set for them, they can quickly adapt rules that are made outside their home. 

When you are setting rules for your kids, make sure that you do not keep extreme rules. As far as possible, make sure the rules are simple.

Once you set rules for your kids, make sure that you stick with the rules and be consistent with the rules.

For instance, if you set rules like do not have junk food and you give them junk food saying sometimes it’s ok to have it. Then this creates children’s freedom to break the rules you have made for them.

Limit Their Screen Time

In this digital age, everyone is dependent on their digital devices. Kids these days want their devices all the time, whether for entertainment, doing their homework and other studies, or having food. 

You need to give your kids devices for safety reasons and make them familiar with the technology. But instead of taking their device as an essential device, kids take it as an entertainment device and spend half of their time on the device.

On average, teenagers can spend more than 7 hours on their mobile devices. Instead of doing some productive activity most of the time, they are either on social media or playing mobile games.

Hence it has been essential for you to set a screen time limit for your kids. As a parent, constantly checking your kids’ device and their screen time might not be a good idea.

Therefore using parental control apps can be one of the best solutions for limiting your kids’ device. Parental control apps show your kids total screen time and help you block websites, show your kids’ device activities, their location, and many more.

The best parental control apps you can use to limit your screen time is fenced.ai.

Listen To Your Kids

Due to your busy schedule, sometimes you might not have enough time to listen to your kids. And when you do not listen to your kids, they can feel you do not give them importance.

Kids do have their problems, viewpoints, thought processes, and they want someone to listen to them. You should be your kids’ someone with whom they can express whatever they are feeling.

Toddlers can be very curious about every new thing they see, and they will constantly question you. You should not feel irritated each time they question; instead, you should listen to their question and try to give answers and remove their queries.

Likewise, if you have teenagers, then they should give them an equal priority. You may know that teenage children go through an emotional rollercoaster; therefore, at this phase of their life, you should listen to your teenager, understand what they are facing, what they want, and so on.

Trust Your Kids

One common mistake that parents do especially for their teenage kids, is by not trusting their kids. Trust is the most important factor for every relationship, as it shows honesty in the relationship.

Sometimes, you may have seen kids lie to their parents once; then, parents stop believing their kids from the next time onwards. Even when the kids are trusting, they will suspect their kids. This can disappoint kids, and in the worst case, kids start to lie to their parents.

When you trust your kids, they will never hide anything from you, and even when they lie to you, they will eventually feel guilty about it. Likewise, when you create a trustworthy environment, your kids will feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you.

Praise Your Kids For Good Work

You may scold your kids immediately after they make any mistakes. But do you praise your kids whenever they do some good deeds? How often do you praise your kids?

Whenever your kids do some good work, praise them, which motivates them to continue doing better work in the future.

You should praise your kids immediately after they do some good work. Sometimes even if your kids fail at something, even after putting in lots of hard work, you should praise them.

While praising your kids, you should mention the action that you liked the most.

One thing to keep in mind is never to praise by comparing your kids with other kids.

When you praise your kids by comparing them with other kids, they start to take everything as a competition. By taking everything as a competition can disappoint kids and can make them unhappy.

Do Not Jump into Giving Punishment.

Parents usually jump into punishment immediately after their kids make mistakes. Parents think that punishment will keep their kids disciplined and think that kids will never repeat their mistakes once they punish their kids.

Also, another mistake that parents make is by giving physical punishment to their kids.

Before you jump into giving punishment, you need to tell them the wrong deed they did and not repeat the mistake. You should warn your kids about the wrong action they did, which gives them time to correct their actions.

Even if you need to punish them, give punishments that make sense, which improves them.

For instance, if your kids repeatedly disobey you and do specific actions even when you restrict them, do not do it. First, you should warn them; even after the warning, you should punish them if they continue the same action. Give punishment like writing handwriting, taking their devices for certain days.

Do Not Give Everything They Ask For

Many parents want to give everything they wish for, but do you think it is good to fulfill your kids’ wish?

If you start to fulfill everything that your kids demand, they will stop valuing the things they get. They will not respect your hard work, and they want you to fulfill their demand at any cost. Moreover, kids will also start to be materialistic, and they start to compare whatever they get with their friends.

When you fulfill your kids’ demands or wishes only after they do something good like behaving well or getting good marks in exams, then they will respect those things. They will feel like they have earned it and will value it more.

For instance, if you give your kids a new iPhone right after its release, they will demand a new one when its new version is released. But if you give a new phone, if your kids get a good score in their exam, they will value the phone.

Feed Them Everything, You Cook

Every household that has babies knows how picky kids can be with their foods. Kids and their food tantrums are like never-ending stories. 

Sometimes just to avoid childrens’ drama over food, parents give them any food they ask for. Most of the time, kids ask for junk food and fast food that might not be healthy.

If your kids start to get picky with their food, you should warn them or simply ignore their tantrums. When you start ignoring their tantrums, they will realize that their food tantrum will not work.

Sometimes, you can even ask your kids what they want to have for dinner or give them some options to choose from if they demand fast food.  You can even make new dishes or modify the same dish to excite your kids.

Moreover, if you provide every food they demand, they start to give less value to the food you provide for them.

Try to Create Light Environment

Home is the first school of kids; they get their first education from their home. Children can earn better in a positive environment; hence, it is your responsibility to create a light and positive environment at home as a parent.

You may have seen many parents try to show themselves as strict parents and always put on their grumpy faces all the time.

One common mistake parents make is by acting strict and setting many rules. When you act as strict parents, your kids will feel difficult to share their problems and feelings with you. They try to hide any difficult situation they are facing.

Instead, you should use humor to create a positive and light environment around your kids. When you create a light environment around your kids, they will feel comfortable sharing their problems with you.

Do No Compare Your Kid with Anyone

Most parents tell their kids that a common sentence is “Look at your sibling, be like your sibling.” Kids usually get hurt when you compare them with their siblings or with their friends.

You should know that every kid is unique, and forcing them to be like someone else will make them unhappy, and they will start to feel insecure.

By comparing your kids with others, you may feel that your kids will start to do better work and improve themselves. But you may not realize that their confidence will reduce when you compare your kids with other kids.

When you constantly compare your kids with other kids, it will create pressure on kids. Likewise, it also increases stress levels and anxiety among kids.

Also, when you make the comparison between your two kids, it creates sibling rivalry among them.

For instance, if you compare your second child with your first child, your first child might start to feel superior and start showing aggressive behavior towards the second child.

Try To Make Your Kids Responsible

Another parenting tip that you must know is to make your kids responsible at a young age. Making your kids responsible at a young age will help them when they move out for college.

In kids’ free time, you should assign some home duties to your kids like cleaning their messy room, washing their dishes themselves, taking care of pets, and so on.

When your kids complete the work you assigned to them, you should praise them, motivating them.

If you do not assign any responsibility to your kids, you will try to ignore their responsibility in the future. Moreover, kids will feel reluctant to take responsibility growing up, and it will take time for them to be responsible in the future.

Encourage Kids to Take Part in Extracurricular Activities

Most parents make their kids focus only on their studies and even scold them if they want to do some extra activities apart from their studies. You should know for successful parenting to encourage your kids to do activities they love doing.

You should know what your kids are interested in and encourage them to do the activity.

For instance, if your kids love to dance, you can send them to dance class and motivate them to do better.

When you encourage your kids to do what they love doing in the later phase of their life, they can pursue their careers.

Also, you should note that you never force your kids to take part in activities that they are not interested in. Children will not feel happy when they are forced to learn, and they cannot even perform well when they are forced to do the activity.

Understand Their Likes and Dislikes Before Judging Their Choices

There is a huge generation gap between you and your kids, therefore likes and preferences can differ between you two.

For instance, every month there is a new trend and style in the market, you may not be aware of the trend like your teenagers are. Your teenager might choose a dress or fashion style that you have never seen to keep up with the trend. In such cases, you should not judge your kids’ choices, as they can get hurt.

When you judge your kids and make fun of your children’s choices, they might feel unsure about their choices. Also, they start to hide their thought process in fear of being judged and getting trolled by their parents.

FAQ

What are some good parenting rules?

Some good parenting rules that you can follow are:

  • Have frequent communication
  • Show them you love them.
  • Spend some quality time with your kids
  • Be their role model.

What is the most successful parenting style?

The authoritative parenting style is one of the most successful parenting styles. However, most of the time, parenting styles depend upon how your kid behaves.

Does parenting ever end?

Parenting is a never-ending role; once you step onto parenthood, parenting continues till the end of your life. Your role does not change even when your kids are in the 50s or 60s.

Conclusion

To conclude, parenting cannot be entirely taught; you will learn parenting through your own experience. You can take advice from many books and articles from your peers who have already been parents, from your parents, but successful parenting entirely depends on you.

Also, parenting depends on your kid’s behavior; if your kids are rebellious, then being a chilled-out parent may not be effective. And if your kids are sensitive, then being a harsh parent can scare them.

Hence parenting depends upon many factors, but this does not mean that you should not look at parenting tips and plans.

You need to look at some parenting tips and plans that help you get some idea on parenting and prepare you mentally to have successful parenting.

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Nesting : What Is It?

Bird-nesting

Divorce is typically considered one of the most stressful life events a person can go through. When there are children involved, it’s generally the parents’ highest priority that the transition is made with their well-being in mind.

Research has shown that the best way to support the well-being of children during a divorce is to keep the process as amicable and low-conflict as you can.

For different families, different solutions will make sense. For some families, they have found the solution in something known as “nesting” or “bird-nesting.”

What is bird-nesting, and is it right for your family post-divorce? Let’s take a look at everything you need to know.

What Is Bird-Nesting?

A custody transition approach that has gained popularity in recent years is known as “bird-nesting.”

Have you heard the term bird-nesting, or simply nesting? They refer to when the children remain living in the family home and both parents take turns living there with the children. This is a strategy where the kids are able to always stay in one place. Instead of the children having two different homes that they travel between, the parents rotate living in the home.

When one parent is not living in the home, they might rent or own a separate residence or they might stay with a family member or friend.

In some arrangements, both parents continue to live in the family home at the same time but they have separate bedrooms that they sleep in. They maintain relatively separate lives and have specific time periods that they are responsible for the children.

Bird-Nesting Pros and Cons

Bird nesting is appealing to many co-parents, as it is a top priority to keep the children in the family home. Once you start looking into the details, however, there are a lot of different factors to consider. The most important thing to take into consideration when determining whether or not bird-nesting is right for you is whether or not you can maintain an amicable and communicative relationship while co-parenting in this arrangement.

While there are a number of benefits to bird-nesting, there are also some drawbacks. Let’s take a look at what you need to know.

Bird-Nesting Pros

Divorced parents who are engaging in co-parenting are increasingly drawn to the idea of bird-nesting. One of the benefits of this arrangement is financial. By bird-nesting, the costs of post-marital housing can be reduced.

After a divorce, the single largest expense each parent typically experiences is the housing costs. When you’re bird-nesting, you can keep the family home and rent one small space that you rotate between.

As mentioned previously, some co-parents will choose to remain living in the family home full time while maintaining separate lives and bedrooms. This eliminates the additional housing costs entirely.

Typically, when parents get divorced and maintain different households that the children rotate between, both houses have to have duplicate necessities. With bird-nesting, this significant expense can be avoided.

Bird-nesting can also help give some space and time in terms of deciding what to do with the family home. Divorce can be a tumultuous, difficult, and stressful time, and adding major financial decisions on top of that can be downright overwhelming. With bird-nesting, you can wait to make a decision about selling the family home when you both have more personal space to do so.

There are also emotional benefits to bird-nesting. The well-being of your children is your top concern, and moving them out of the family home can be quite difficult and stressful for children, particularly at the time of their parents’ divorce.

The emotional impact moving has on children can depend on their age. Younger children might make the transition more easily, while older children or teenagers might really struggle with relocating.

When the children remain in the family home, it means they can remain in the same school, hang out with the same friends, and maintain the same habits and schedule. It can also help to avoid the social embarrassment that divorce can sometimes cause for older children.

Bird-nesting also means that children don’t have to be constantly moving themselves and their possessions between two different locations. This can help them to feel more centered and ensures that they’ll always have what they need at hand.

Divorce is an unsettling time for everyone in the family. Nesting offers a solution to help provide a tangible sense of security and lessen the trauma.

Bird-nesting can also have emotional benefits for you and your co-parent. It’s common to feel attached to the family home, and getting to spend at least some time there can help you meet your own emotional needs during and after a divorce.

This can also be an opportunity to show your children the power of working together. It can be healthy for your children to see the two of your working as a team and getting along. This can help them still feel supported by both parents and not feel caught between them.

Creating boundaries is a necessity in any co-parenting relationship. You can learn more about how to set boundaries here.

As you can see, there are a number of benefits to keeping your children in the family home after a divorce. However, it’s not all necessarily sunshine and roses. Let’s take a look at some of the potential drawbacks of bird-nesting in the next section.

Bird-Nesting Cons

Whether or not bird-nesting is the right arrangement for you and your family is something only you can decide. Understanding the possible cons of this situation can help you determine whether or not it’s the right choice for you.

While there are some financial benefits to bird-nesting, it can also add some financial complications. When you get a divorce, sell the family home, and each go your own way, it can be a cleaner break. You can divide up assets and liabilities and determine what kind of support will be given and each essentially has a fresh start.

When you still own a home together and both live in it after a divorce, however, your finances are still entangled. Decisions about how utility bills are split up can and maintenance expenses have to be determined ahead of time in order to avoid issues down the line. It will also have to be determined who pays for the other residence that is maintained.

Also, if your nesting plan involves one parent purchasing the house from the other once the children are grown, it might make the other parent wary of investing in long-term repairs or upgrades.

Additionally, there are some tax consequences. Now that you’re divorced, it has to be decided who can deduct real estate taxes and mortgage interest when they file.

Child support can similarly become complicated when bird-nesting. It can be difficult to calculate child support when both parents are living in the same home technically.

Lastly, there are the financial considerations that come from day-to-day life. Are you still splitting groceries down the middle, or are you separately labeling your own gallons of milk?

Of course, there are also some emotional drawbacks to bird-nesting.

It’s important to consider how it will feel to be still sharing the family home after you have gotten a divorce. While you know that you’ll be connected as co-parents, it can be uncomfortable and confusing to still be sharing the same space. This is true even if you aren’t sharing the space at the same time.

You’ll have to consider questions like who will get the master bedroom, or whether you’ll rotate its use.

Privacy is also a major issue. Will you have to remove all of your personal effects when you rotate out of the space? How does it work when one or both of you enters a new relationship?

Bird-nesting can also have some emotional cons for the children. While it can be stabilizing for them to live in the family home, it can still be strange and confusing for their parents to be rotating in and out.

Some people find that nesting works well in the short-term, but it can cause problems in the long term. One potential issue is that a long-term nesting situation can give the children false hopes that you will reconcile and get back together.

It can also be difficult for the children if the emotional stresses of bird-nesting cause an increase in arguments between their parents. If the arrangement is not well designed ahead of time, it can create a stressful home-space for the whole family.

Now that you’ve seen some of the benefits and drawbacks of bird-nesting, let’s talk about creating a nesting plan.

Coming Up With a Nesting Plan Is Essential

You’ll want to put quite a bit of thought into whether or not nesting is the right solution for your family post-divorce. An experienced mediator can help guide the two of you in coming to an agreement that will work.

Even when you decide you are going to bird-nest, you’re still going to need a defined co-parenting plan. Without one, it’s all too easy for miscommunication and issues to arise.

It’s important to determine which days, weekends, and holidays each of you will spend in the house after you’re divorced. It’s also essential to figure out who is financially responsible for what.

Another essential part of bird-nesting is communication. It can be difficult for co-parents to separate their new responsibilities from their previous marital conflicts. Nesting is only successful when the co-parents are able to remain cooperative, amicable, and continuously communicative.

When you choose to engage in a nesting arrangement, you are still remaining fairly entangled in one another’s lives. Depending on your particular circumstance, this might be more or less possible for you and your ex.

Sticking to the established schedule is very important in nesting. If one co-parent strays from this schedule, it is opening a lot of room for conflict.

It’s best to delve into the gritty details when coming up with a plan rather than figuring it out as you go along. Sure, things can always come up unexpectedly, but some of the bumps you might face in the road can be anticipated.

For example, what is the plan when one or both of your start dating again? Will it be possible to remain team-oriented and amicable when this occurs?

Additionally, you’ll need to sort out the details of the finances. How will utilities, groceries, a second apartment, repairs, maintenance, and so forth be split up? What is the plan for the house when your nesting agreement ends?

Many people enter into bird-nesting co-parenting with the best of intentions for their children. However, if the situation is going to be too stressful, uncomfortable, or fraught with conflict, then it might end up harming the children more than it helps them. This is why it’s important to try and create an honest picture of what will work for you and what won’t so that the arrangement can truly be amicable, communicative, and positive for all involved.

Nesting: Is It the Right Solution For Your Family After a Divorce?

If you’re going through a divorce and there are children involved, you are likely very focused on trying to find a solution that doesn’t negatively impact their well-being. For some families, nesting might be the answer. For others, the drawbacks of bird-nesting might lead them to go down a different road.

Are you looking for additional resources to help you determine what kind of co-parenting relationship will work best for you and your family? There is a library of articles here that can help you learn more about parenting post-divorce. If you’re looking for additional tools for co-parents, you can register at 2houses here.

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What Kinds of Joint Custody Models Are There?

Joint custody

Did you know that between 40% and 50% of married couples in the US end up getting a divorce? This is a common occurrence, which shows that it’s right for many people. However, if you have a family, the divorce process can have added complications such as joint custody.

If you’re currently going through a divorce, you’re probably curious about joint custody. You and your separated partner want to find an arrangement that works for you.

Divorce is already a difficult process. You want to make it go as smoothly as possible. One of your biggest worries is how the divorce will affect your child or children.

In addition to all the emotional stress you’re experiencing, your may feel stressed about these arrangements.

How can you ensure that, in this time of instability, your children feel stable and happy?

This guide on different kinds of joint custody models can help. Once you understand what a joint custody agreement is and how to plan yours, you’ll feel more at ease.

You can know that your children will be better off because of this arrangement. Read on to learn more.

What is Joint Custody?

Before we review the different types of joint custody models, I’ll answer the question, “What is joint custody?” Joint custody occurs when parents who don’t live in the same residence both choose to raise their children.

There are some details when it comes to joint custody, which we’ll review next.

Joint custody includes sharing custody, physical control, and decision-making responsibilities regarding their children. This does not only have to occur once you are divorced.

This can occur if you never lived together, are no longer living together, are separated, or are divorced.

Now that I’ve reviewed what joint custody is, I’ll review its legal definitions. Joint custody can be defined in three ways legally.

These are joint legal custody, joint physical custody, and the combination of joint legal and joint physical custody.

It’s important to note that joint physical custody is related to where (and with whom) your child or children live. Legal custody covers additional features such as decision-making responsibilities about your child or children.

Now, let’s review different joint custody models.

Joint Custody Models

If possible, it’s best to come up with a joint custody model with your separated partner. While I understand that it can be challenging to communicate, it’s important to try. This is because, otherwise, it will be up to the courts.

This can be difficult for your children to go through. Why?

This is because your child or children may not understand everything that’s happening during the divorce process. Instead of understanding that you care, they will think you don’t care enough to make custody arrangements yourself.

For this reason, if possible, you should draw up a joint custody schedule with your separated partner. Knowing which types of joint custody schedules work can be helpful. Let’s review those now.

Alternating Weeks

One of the most common types of joint custody models is alternating weeks. With this model, your child or children spend alternating weeks with each parent. One week with you, one week with your separated or divorced partner.

Here are some more details on how it works.

Parents usually have children switch from one home to another on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. This often is less stressful for children since weekdays might be more complicated logistically.

There are also requirements related to this arrangement.

These requirements are requirements present in many joint custody schedules. In each home, there needs to be a fully functional living space. There should also be fully functional bedrooms.

Here are some additional tips for this joint custody arrangement.

In each home, keep your kids’ favorite electronics, toys, and a wardrobe. Otherwise, your children will feel like they have to pack up their whole life each time they switch. This won’t really make them feel “at home.”

There’s more to consider regarding your children. The alternating week joint custody agreement works best for older children. It’s also suitable for younger children who are okay with spending a week away from one parent.

If you aren’t sure, speak with your children about it this arrangement. Now, let’s move onto the next one.

Alternating Weeks With a Midweek Visit

When you’re using the alternating weeks with a midweek visit model, it’s almost the same as above. However, the difference is that one parent will visit in the middle of the week. While this is a great solution, it has logistical issues.

It’s a great solution because your children won’t have to go as long without seeing each parent. The logistical issues are that it can be difficult to plan.

First of all, there are activities your children have that might be difficult to plan around. Let’s review those.

These activities could include homework time, study groups, or extracurricular activities like dance, music, or sports. To avoid interrupting your children’s schedules, you need to plan around these activities.

There are creative ways to do this.

One creative solution is to pick your children up, take them to their activity, and bring them back home. Then, you can stay for dinner. This way, you can spend time with them during your visit without interrupting their schedule.

Let’s move on now to the next arrangement.

Alternating Weeks With a Midweek Overnight

Another alternating weeks option is the one that has a midweek overnight. In this joint custody arrangement, your children will stay one night a week at the other parent’s home. This is a solution so that they don’t have to go a full week without seeing a parent.

Here’s how to plan it most effectively.

Tuesday or Wednesday is probably the best night for the midweek overnight. This way, your child won’t have to go too long without seeing the other parent. However, there are some logistics to consider.

Like with the last arrangement, you need to make room for your child’s activities.

Additionally, if your children are older, let them decide which night is their midweek overnight. It’s important for them to have a voice about what they do with their nights.

You could even offer additional flexibility.

For example, some nights they could do a midweek overnight, but on others, the parent would come over for dinner. Be flexible too when it comes to schoolwork, just as skipping an overnight if they have a big test the next day.

Now that we’ve reviewed how to plan alternating weeks with a midweek overnight, we’ll move on to the next joint custody arrangement.

2-2-3 Rotation Schedule

When you have a 2-2-3 rotation schedule, it works like this. Your child spends 2 days with one parent. Then, they spend 2 days with the other parent. Then, they spend 3 days (ideally, Friday-Sunday) with the first parent they spent time with. Then, it flips.

It flips like this. Your child spends 2 days with the parent who only had 2 days the week before. Then, they spend 2 days with the parent who had 5 days the week before.

Then, they switch again for the next 3 days (ideally, Friday-Sunday).

With this last switch, it would be with the parent they spent 2 days with the week before. There are two reasons why this is a good schedule.

The first reason is that children won’t have to spend long periods of time without one parent. The second reason is that parents can have alternating weekends. This may be easier on your schedules, too.

However, there are some limitations to consider.

The first of these limitations is that this schedule works best for parents who live close to each other. Otherwise, it would be too difficult to make the switch so many times. You also need to think about limitations related to age.

For young children, it can be challenging to move constantly like this. For infants, it’s been shown that attachment insecurity is linked to frequent overnights.

As a result, you should think about the ages of your children before choosing this schedule. Let’s move on to the next one.

3-3-4-4- Rotation Schedule

This joint custody model works the same as the one above. However, instead of 2 days, then 2 days, and then 3 days, it’s 3 days, 3 days, 4 days, 4 days. There are some benefits to this schedule. Let’s review those benefits.

This schedule is easier for your children because they spend more time at each residence. This will make their life feel a bit more stable. It also means that your children will get to see a parent each weekend, which means more fun for them.

Here’s an additional benefit.

The additional benefit is that you will have a weekend day with your child and a weekend day for yourself. This means you can live a balanced life while seeing your kid for fun weekend events.

However, there is a logistical consideration you have to make with this arrangement. The Saturdays change month to month. This may be confusing, with many activities occurring on Saturdays.

For this reason, we recommend syncing calendars with your separated partner.

Now, let’s move on to the next joint custody model.

2-2-5-5 Rotation Schedule

Finally, there’s the 2-2-2-5 rotation schedule. This schedule is similar to the last two joint custody models we reviewed. It is useful because the five days spent with each parent can make the situation feel stable for your children.

However, here’s something to consider.

Because of the complexity of this joint custody model, you will want to check in with your children. Ask them if it works for them. It’s also important to keep everything organized with a synched-up calendar.

Now that we’ve reviewed this rotation schedule, we’ll move onto nesting.

Nesting

Nesting is a solution that many divorced parents are using these days. This type of solution creates more stability for your children. When you’re nesting, your children stay in one home. Let’s go a bit more in detail as to how and why this works.

There’s one home, a primary residence, where your children stay. Then, each parent takes turns staying in the home with them. Because the children don’t have to move back and forth, they feel at home there.

Here’s how it works. It may be a bit complicated, at first, for you to switch back and forth. However, you can look for local apartment complexes and long-stay hotels that are friendly to this type of situation.

Additionally, because nesting is becoming more popular, there will be more options for parents soon. There’s another reason why nesting will become easier for you.

This is because you can adapt all the joint custody models we just reviewed to create your nesting schedule. Remember that it will be worth it to do this because your children will be happier.

Need More Information?

Now that you’ve learned about the different join custody models, you may need more information. Perhaps you want help figuring out which of these models works best for you. Or maybe you want to learn about how joint custody and child support work together.

Whatever information you need, 2 Houses can help. This company knows everything there is to know about how to manage your divorce.

This is so that the outcome is best for your children. They can provide communicational and organizational strategies. To learn more about how they can help, contact them now.

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The Advantages of Joint Custody

Joint custody

In 2018, there were over 700,000 divorces in America. That’s about 39% of married couples. It’s a staggering statistic, but divorces occur for many reasons.

The important thing, especially if there are children involved, is for parents to continue to provide the best possible life for them. Many, including the legal system, believe the key to this is joint physical custody. This is new to many couples who may ask themselves: Should we use joint custody?

To find out, you must first understand what joint custody is. You should also learn some of its advantages. It may seem overwhelming, but fear not—the statistics above show that you are not alone.

Many couples with children have successfully navigated a separation or a divorce. So if you’re still asking yourself, “Should I try joint custody?” read on to learn more.

What Is Joint Custody?

Joint custody may not mirror the life your child knew before the separation or divorce. But it is the closest they will get to having both parents equally involved in their life.

It allows both parents to have legal or physical custody of their child/children.

Types of Custody

When it comes to the court deciding custody arrangements, most judges prefer to grant joint custody. It’s deemed to be in the child’s best interest when both parents have some involvement in their child’s life, as well as their upbringing.

However, this may not be feasible if parents live miles apart or have a hard time communicating or getting along. It also becomes a problem if either parent has a history of domestic violence. 

Depending on the situation, the judge may decide on one of the following options.

Legal Custody: A parent with sole legal custody makes major decisions on behalf of their child. It includes decisions about the child’s education and religion. However, even if one parent has sole legal custody, both parents are still involved in medical decisions. The parent without custody also has access to the child’s school records.

Shared Legal Custody: With shared custody, both parents make these decisions.

Physical Custody: Physical custody determines where a child resides. If one parent has sole physical custody, the child spends the majority of their time with that parent. The other parent usually has regularly scheduled visitations.

Joint Physical Custody: With joint physical custody, both parents may not spend equal time with their child. However, the time the child does spend with each parent will be substantial.

Advantages of Joint Custody

Determining if joint custody is right for your situation is challenging. The most important thing is that you base your decision on what’s in the best interest of your child. 

This is something the courts also consider when making custody decisions. Agreeing with your ex-partner without any involvement from the legal system is usually best. After all, as parents, you know what’s best for your child.

They’re also many advantages to joint custody. Let’s take a look at some of the biggest ones.

A Positive Impact on Your Child

Joint custody makes the separation less impactful on your child. This is especially true if parents live near to each other. The joint custody agreement should reflect what’s best for your child’s needs.

This is most beneficial for the child when parents put their differences aside. It means finding common ground to successfully co-parent. Success is also assured if there is a conscious effort to reduce friction and arguments. 

Time With Both Parents

Your child gets to spend time with both of you. So, you’ll both be equally involved in your child’s life. It also means both of you can influence your child, instilling your childhood values, life experiences, family history, and unique parenting style.

Together, you can both make lasting memories and share both the challenges and joys of childhood. The involvement of both parents ensures neither of you will miss out on the major milestones in your child’s life. You will both be present.

This is something your child will remember and appreciate, especially as they get older. Absence also makes the heart grow fonder. The time apart from your child will make both of you appreciate your time together even more.

Lessened Feelings of Guilt

Children often have feelings of rejection when a parent moves out. It can often result in a feeling of loss and lowered self-esteem. They also tend to be more anxious or even depressed when they don’t have access to both parents.

Joint custody reduces the feelings of anger that this can create. Access to both parents also lessens feelings of guilt as your child feels free to love both parents. Good co-parenting enhances this.

Your child won’t feel they’re losing a parent. It leaves them free to focus on being a kid and growing up healthy. 

Sharing of Daily Responsibilities

Both parents share daily responsibilities that have an impact on their children. This includes expenses and all the things involved in raising a child. You will get to make decisions about your child’s upbringing together.

This mutual decision-making helps to reduce stress on each parent as making life decisions for your child is a huge responsibility. It is even more stressful when you have to do it on your own. The input from both parents is also beneficial to the child.

Maintaining Structure and Discipline

Joint custody allows parents to share the responsibility of discipline. Creating and discussing rules about discipline ensures you and your ex are on the same page. This is important especially if your child tries to use one parent against the other to get what they want.

It will also mean enforcing appropriate consequences. A team approach is best and helps your child have structure and boundaries even after the separation or divorce.

Shared Financial Responsibility

You won’t only share major decisions such as schooling and religion. You will also share financial responsibilities. This includes the sharing of incidental costs that may crop up when your child is with you.

Inevitably, you will also share the cost of everyday items such as field trips, school supplies, or snacks for extra-curricular activities.

A Regular Routine for Your Child

Schedules and routines are important because they give children confidence and a sense of belonging. The great thing about this is that, as a parent, you can also benefit from a set schedule. You can discuss options with your ex-partner.

According to Aha Parenting, children “handle change best if it is expected and occurs in the context of a familiar routine”. This is more important than ever after a separation or divorce. Routines also help children:

  • Feel comfortable with what is happening and what is to follow
  • Feel more in control of their situation
  • Feel secure and safe

Fall into a routine that works best for all parties involved, especially your child.

Making Time for Self-Care 

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” Eleanor Brown

Your routine will allow you to plan. Although joint custody allows you to share responsibility, you are still parenting on your own when your child is in your care. This can be tiring.

When your child is with your ex-partner, you can take the time to replenish your energy. Schedule self-care activities. Doing this allows you to stay mentally, emotionally, and physically strong for yourself and your child.

Investing in Your Future as Well as Your Child’s

You can use the time your child is away from you to invest in your career. This can help you plan financially for your child’s future, which may also include saving for their college tuition.

You can put in extra hours at work on the days your child isn’t with you. The extra time and commitment to your work can help you move up in your career. A work promotion will also include an increase in compensation which you can use to take care of your child’s needs. 

Less Stress on Everyone Involved

It’s easier for everyone involved when everyone gets along. Seeing you have an amicable relationship with your ex, or that a stepparent is involved and also onboard has a positive impact on your child. 

Dating Is Easier

It may be a while before you are ready to move on after a separation or a divorce. However, when you are ready, joint custody will make dating easier without disrupting your child’s life.

You can schedule dates on the days you don’t have your child. It allows you to meet someone without the pressure of having to introduce them to your child. It gives you space and time to see if things work out and decide if or when you want them to meet your child.  

Disadvantages of Joint Custody

Although the pros outweigh the cons, there are some potential disadvantages of joint custody you’ll want to be aware of. Let’s take a look at a few of them.

The Negative Impact 

Joint custody can also have a negative impact on a child. But this is usually only if the parents don’t get along. The friction between parents can make planning and scheduling tedious as well as stressful.

This inevitably has an impact on your child, as they may feel like they’re in the middle of it all. It may make them feel they have to choose between the two of you.

Lack of proper communication between parents may also leave a child feeling like a moderator. Parents may use them to pass messages along if they’re not willing to work together.

Disruptive Schedules

The variations in a child’s schedule can be disruptive, especially as your child moves from one home to the other often. If you’re not well-organized, this can become confusing and overwhelming for both you and your child.

It may mean leaving homework assignments, uniforms, or items used for extra-curricular activities at the wrong home. This can cause your child to worry needlessly and become stressed.

Conflicting Schedules

Being organized is key for joint custody to work. If not, it may lead to otherwise avoidable schedule conflicts. This can result in arguments over pick up and drop off arrangements, especially if it conflicts with one parent’s schedule.

Parents may also start comparing. One parent may perceive the other’s schedule as easier.

Increased Expenses

In cases where there is more than one child, expenses may increase for both parents. This is because it involves the maintenance of two homes. It may sometimes mean that each parent may need to purchase certain things your child/children may need.

An example would be a child who does basketball and is hoping to get a scholarship. Each parent may choose to install a basketball hoop to ensure their child’s success. Unfortunately, this may also lead to parents comparing who spends more.

Change Is Stressful

Change, although inevitable, is stressful for adults. It’s even more so for children, especially younger ones who thrive on a set routine. It becomes even worse if there is animosity between the parents.

Children can sense this and it can lead to changes in their behavior. They may become angry and lash out, or withdraw and lose interest.

Many of the disadvantages of joint custody can be eliminated or lessened based on the behavior or approach of the parents involved. This is great as it means you have control of how well joint custody can work for your family. 

There are also many resources that can help make the transition a lot easier.

Making the Transition to Sharing Joint Custody

Separation and divorce can be stressful. It takes an emotional, mental and physical toll on all parties involved. Parents dealing with this should always keep their children in mind when making decisions.

Making these decisions as you transition to sharing joint custody with your ex-partner can be overwhelming. However, there is technology that can help to keep your new schedule organized. The more organized you are, the easier it will be on your child as they will have a set routine.

2houses gives you a handle on all the details involved. Our features assist you with scheduling, finances, messages, and so much more. We can put you one step closer to making this transition easier.

Register with us today to start organizing your new life to make the transition easier for your child as well.

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Co-Parenting Boundaries in New Relationships

Co-parenting boundaries

Did you know that 16% of American children live in a blended family?

That means that they have one biological parent and one step-parent. It’s a family unit that’s becoming more and more common, and if you’re about to become a blended family you’re definitely not alone!

Blended families can be brilliant for little ones, and some step-parents can become as important as biological parents. But, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy for you, your new partner, or your children. One of the biggest challenges in blended families is setting co-parenting boundaries with your new partner.

Luckily, we’re here to help. Take a look at our tips for setting co-parenting boundaries in new relationships and create a happy blended family.

What is Co-Parenting?

Before getting into the tips, let’s first take a look at what co-parenting is. 

If you’ve been raising your children with their biological parent and working together to bring them up, this is co-parenting. You both have input in decisions made and have a responsibility to look after your little ones. The focus in co-parenting should be entirely on the child, and you usually share equal responsibility for them. 

In relationships with two biological parents who are still together, this co-parenting structure is usually simple. Of course, there can still be hiccups, but, in general, it’s a fairly straightforward system. However, when parents divorce, the system can get a little trickier. 

One of the bumps that many divorced or single-parents face when bringing up their children is co-parenting with a new partner. It can be hard giving some responsibility for your children’s wellbeing over to someone who isn’t their biological parent, and little ones might find it hard to respect their authority. This is why it’s so important you set boundaries and make sure everyone involved is happy with the new co-parenting setup.

The Three Relationships

When you find a new partner as a divorced or single parent, there are three relationships you need to take care of.

The first relationship is with the other biological parent. Although they may not be your partner anymore, you still have a relationship with them and a responsibility to consider them in parenting decisions. Keeping them happy is essential to a smooth transition into co-parenting in new relationships.

The second relationship is with your new partner. They may struggle with having a new child in their lives, and you need to be careful to keep them happy with the dynamic, too. 

The final relationship, and the most important really, is with your child. This whole dynamic is set up to keep your child happy and make sure you, your ex, and your new partner are all benefiting their lives. It’s important not to forget your child when navigating co-parenting, and we’ll cover more of that later.

Of course, it’s not just these three people who need to be kept happy; you need to keep yourself happy too! You’re just as important, and you need to make sure you’re adding yourself to your list of priorities. 

All of these relationships need to be healthy, and everyone included during the co-parenting process. When setting boundaries, be sure to consider each person and how they’ll be affected. Now, let’s dive into how you can set healthy boundaries with your new partner.

Talk to Your Ex

Before setting boundaries with your new partner, always talk to the other biological parent first (to make things easier, we’ll refer to this person as your ex, even if they may not be). They should have just as much input into how your child is raised, and introducing a new partner to your parenting dynamic should always be discussed with them. Address any concerns your ex might have and how involved they’d like this new partner to be, as well as the contact between your new partner and your ex.

If your ex is unhappy with you having a new partner, try to limit their contact. Avoid bringing them to drop-offs and pick-ups, don’t mention them frequently, and avoid bringing them to events (such as school plays) until the relationship is serious. 

If your ex is fine with the relationship and you’re able to maintain a friendship with them, you’ll be able to discuss co-parenting more freely. Ask for their advice, discuss the boundaries you’re thinking of setting, and keep communication open with them about your new partner’s involvement in your little one’s life. When it comes to how to co-parent, you two should already be pretty good at it, so your ex’s advise could be very useful!

Talk to Your Children

The most important person (or people) to consider here is your child. Make sure you talk to them before introducing a new partner into their life, and never force a partner onto your little ones. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship if your child isn’t happy with it, but just don’t force them to spend time with the new partner or be happy with them – it’ll be much easier if they can do that in their own time. 

Make changes slowly and always keep your little ones involved. Start with a small meeting in a park or somewhere your child is happy and familiar with. Get them used to your new partner before inviting them into your home, and make sure they know that they are still your priority. 

In terms of boundaries, it can be good to discuss this with your child, too, as long as they’re old enough. Ask them what kind of relationship they hope to have with your new partner once it’s serious, and what kind of things your new partner could do that would overstep your child’s own boundaries. Be sensitive to these and make your partner aware of how your child is feeling. 

Know Your Own Boundaries

It’s easy to consider others when co-parenting, but setting boundaries is about your preferences, too! Take some time to consider how much of a parental role you’d like your new partner to have and how much input you’re happy with them having in your child life. Here are some questions to ask yourself that should help determine your own boundaries:

  • Would you be okay to leave your children alone with your new partner?
  • Are you okay with your partner disciplining your children?
  • Do you want your new partner at school meetings about your children?
  • Will you take advice on parenting from your new partner?

Working out what kind of a role you want your new partner to have is vital. If you aren’t happy with them taking a strong parental role, consider whether it would be fair to let them move in with you and your child. Or, if you don’t like the idea of them discipline your child, can you leave them alone together?

Once you’ve answered your own set of questions, you’ll be better able to talk to your partner about setting boundaries for co-parenting. 

Be Honest With Your New Partner

From the get-go, you should be honest with your new partner about your child. Let them know that your little one will always come first and they’re your priority – and if your partner doesn’t like that, you might have to reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you. Remember to let them know that they will be a priority, though, and that you’ll make sure to put aside plenty of quality time for the relationship.

Once you’re settled into your relationship, it’s time to broach the meeting between your child and your new partner. This is a great time to see how your partner will cope with you splitting your time and doing things as a family. If they’re up for it, that’s great!

Discuss how the meeting will go and make sure your new partner knows not to be too pushy with your little one. Bonds aren’t usually formed immediately, so you’ll all have to be patient. Remember, only ever introduce a new partner to your children if it’s serious, and if it is, then it’ll be worth waiting for your child to come around on their own. 

Ask About Your Partners Wishes

Remember, not all partners will want to be involved with your child. Some might be excited at the opportunity to embrace a new family and become a brilliant stepdad, while others might be nervous or not really up for it. Before you move forward, make sure to discuss how your partner feels, and let them know what you want from them too.

This is the right time to align your thinking so that you’re on the same page. If your partner is up for becoming a co-parent and wants to be involved, you can then move onto setting boundaries. If they’re not, look at how you can create a solution to this, which could be living apart until they’re ready to be more involved.

Boundaries With Discipline

Discipline is one of the most tricky boundaries to negotiate. Every parent has their own idea on how to discipline their child, and you need to make sure your partner is aware of your rules. If not, chaos is bound to ensue! 

Discuss bad behaviour in your child that you have to punish. For example, you might only let them have an hour of TV, and if you have a tantrum about wanting to watch more, you have a system in place to discipline them. The key takeaway here is that your partner won’t come into their new role knowing how to treat your child in these situations, but that you have to teach them. 

You should also learn about your partners own discipline techniques if they have children. If you’ll all be living together, you need to get on the same page about what behaviour is punished and what isn’t, and the punishments that are given. You want to create a fair environment for your little ones, so this is a must! 

If they don’t have kids, discuss how much of a role your new partner will take in discipline your child. Make sure that they’re prepared to discipline when you’re not around, but set limits on their input. A very strict partner imposing new rules on your child is probably going to cause some friction, so make sure this doesn’t happen if you’re not comfortable with it. 

What Will You Share About Your Child

Co-parents often need to share a lot of information about their child, so you need to make sure you’re happy with this. If your new partner is going to have an active role in your child’s life, they need to be kept up to date. If you’re worried about forgetting this, use a collaborative calendar to keep them in the loop and make them feel included. 

If you’re already using co-parenting tools with your ex, should your new partner be included? Make sure you speak to your ex before giving them permission to use the tools to avoid any arguments. 

Keep Communicating With Each Other

Learning how to co-parent is all about communication. As you start this journey together, keep checking in with one another to see what’s working and what isn’t. You should keep up regular chats with your child too, making sure they’re comfortable with the new dynamic and don’t have any changes they wish to make. 

Set Your Co-Parenting Boundaries

Creating co-parenting boundaries between everyone involved in your child’s life – including the child! – is vital to creating a harmonious family life. Hopefully, these tips will help you do just that, but if you need more help, be sure to check out the 2Houses blog for more tips and tricks. 

To make co-parenting easier, both with biological parents and new partners, be sure to check out our range of collaborative tools. We’ve created features to help you share your expenses, keep other parents up to date with your child’s progress, and create a more communicative family even after divorce. 

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The Rights of Teenagers During the Divorce Process

Teenagers

While many parents are nervous to get to the teenager stage, knowing that it brings with it more serious issues and conversations, this can also be a very positive parenting time as you help your child gain more independence and get ready to face the world without the immediate parental buffer. Whether you’re going through a divorce right now or split from the other parent years ago, there are some very specific things to be aware of when it comes to divorce, teenagers, and what say they might have in the process. We’ve compiled some key issues and what you need to know in this article.

Rights of Teenagers

Any parent of one knows that teenagers have a mind of their own, and this age group can be the most vocal about who they want to live with and why. In many cases in recent years, courts have been moving toward more evenly split custody schedules, but often, one parent still has to be the residential parent for school purposes. If everything else is the same and you have a good relationship with the other parent when it comes to co-parenting, it might make sense to go ahead and let teenagers, especially older teens, decide who will be the residential parent. 

However, it’s important to remember that this really isn’t a right. There are some states that have specific ages where the children are allowed to “choose” who they live with. An example of this is Georgia. At age 14, the judge generally lets the child pick where they want to live for the purposes of the residential parent. However, the judge can and will override this if a case is presented that shows that the teen’s choice isn’t actually in their best interests.

In some cases, the courts will appoint a separate attorney to act in the teen’s best interest. In these situations, that attorney may present a case that goes along with the teen’s wishes, which can make it harder to fight if you disagree with the teen’s decision.

What Happens When They Turn 18

We generally think of a child becoming an adult when they turn 18, and this is legally true. However, there are still some scenarios where custody, visitation, and child support are still issues. For example, it’s very common for child support orders to state that the support continues until the child is 18 and has graduated high school with a max-out age of 19 or 20. Your teen might think that at 18 any child support still coming is theirs, but legally, it doesn’t work that way because child support is paid to the other parent and is not specifically paid toward any certain expense.

Once your child has turned 18, however, most custody and visitation arrangements are not enforceable. You can certainly continue the visitation schedule while your 18-year-old finishes high school as long as they want to, but the truth is that you can’t legally force them to continue with visits. An exception to this is cases that involve disabled children who are not able to care for themselves as adults. In these cases, the courts may decide that the visitation schedule must continue.

Rights of Teenagers by State

This chart gives a general overview of which states consider children’s wishes when it comes to custody and visitation, including some states that have specific ages where this comes into play.

StateAre Children’s Wishes Considered?
AlabamaYes
AlaskaYes
ArizonaYes
ArkansasYes
CaliforniaNot specifically
ColoradoNot specifically
ConnecticutYes
DelawareYes
District of ColumbiaNot specifically
FloridaYes
GeorgiaYes, children 14 and older can decide
HawaiiYes
IdahoNot specifically
IllinoisYes, children 14 and older can decide
IndianaYes, for children 11 and older
IowaYes
KansasYes
KentuckyYes
LouisianaYes
MaineNot specifically
MarylandChildren 16 and older can ask for custody changes
MassachusettsNot usually
MichiganYes
MinnesotaYes, depending on age
MississippiNot officially
MissouriNot specifically
MontanaNot specifically
NebraskaNot specifically
NevadaYes
New HampshireYes
New JerseyNot specifically
New MexicoYes, especially at 14 or older
New YorkNot specifically
North CarolinaYes
North DakotaNot specifically
OhioYes
OklahomaYes
OregonNot usually
PennsylvaniaNot specifically
Rhode IslandYes, depending on age
South CarolinaNot specifically
South DakotaYes
TennesseeNot specifically
TexasNot specifically
UtahNot specifically
VermontNot specifically
VirginiaYes
WashingtonNot specifically
West VirginiaYes
WisconsinYes
WyomingYes

Specific Issues Regarding Teenagers

Teens often have very busy lives, sometimes including school, part-time jobs, extracurricular activities, and everything they are involved in socially. This is something that parents should keep in mind when setting up custody and visitation schedules during the initial divorce and when altering or enforcing existing orders. Here are a few of the main issues that crop up during the teenage years.

Enforcing Visitation

It can be startling the first time that you turn to look at your child and realize that they’re taller than you are. It’s a new thing to be looking up at them. But the fact that your child is now the size of an adult can also present other problems, especially if you have a contentious custody situation. If your child doesn’t have a good relationship with the other parent and one day refuses to get in the car to go to their house, you very well may not be able to physically make them as you could a younger child.

It’s also very common for teens to need to change visitation arrangements because of school requirements, extracurricular activities, and even social events. As your child gets older they have more of their own schedule and you may have to contend with working your parenting time around their terms. 

Driving and Getting a Car 

Learning to drive and getting that first car is considered a rite of passage in our culture, with teens counting down the days until their 16th birthday. But if you and the other parent aren’t on the same page with when your child is mature enough to get a license, when and how far they can drive alone, or who will help pay for their first car, it can cause conflict.

Going to College

It used to be that the common path was to go to college right after high school. However, with rising costs of postsecondary education, student loan changes, and financial uncertainties, some are starting to reconsider this avenue. Graduating teenagers now may want to take a year or two off to travel or figure out what they want to do career wise before sinking time and money into classes or they may want to consider a trade instead. If this conflicts with what you had hoped for your children or if there is conflict between you and the other parent on these issues, it can be problematic.

How to Make It Work

As you’re trying to navigate these and other issues, it’s important to remember that your teenager is still a child. They may be taller than you and think they’re an adult, but they’re not. You are still the parent, and you still make the rules. It’s also important to keep healthy boundaries and treat your child as your child, not a friend. If there are issues that you and the other parent can’t agree on, you might have to take it back before the courts to decide. In this case, your teenager is very likely to be asked for their input and those wishes actually considered in the judge’s decision making. However, your teen needs to remember that judge’s also put heavy weight on what the parents think are best and wanting something isn’t a guarantee your teen will get it.

Create a Family Plan With the Other Parent

The teen years can seem like there’s a new issue around every corner. Curfews, relationships, social media, high school applications — it can seem like it never stops. While each parent is entitled to decide what happens in their homes, it can be very helpful if you are both on the same page when it comes to these larger issues. Consider meeting with the other parent for coffee to hash out some of these issues before they are actually in play so the two of you can present a united front and already know how you want to handle things when it comes up. You may also find that summing up the discussion in writing, such as through 2houses’ messaging or journal features, can make the guidelines easy to reference later on.  

The teen years may be considered the last true stage of parenting, but this isn’t actually true. Even after your children are all grown up, are moved out, and have families of their own, they will still need your support, guidance, and love.