Divorce can happen for many reasons but no matter the cause, everyone struggles to deal with the emotions of separation.
Did you know that the most common cause of divorce is a lack of commitment?
Even if you ended things naturally, there are still a lot of mixed emotions that come with getting a divorce and moving on from an ex-partner. You can feel sad, angry, confused, irritable, or even experience mental health problems.
The first step after divorce is coming to terms with what has happened. However, in order to do that, you need the right support network and tools.
Thankfully, you won’t need to look very far to find some advice and tips to help you come to terms with your divorce and build a new future. This article will give you everything you need.
Why Divorce Is Emotionally Challenging
It is no wonder that after divorce you are confronted with new challenges. That being said, emotions after divorce are not something you can prepare for. No one expects that when they get married they will separate.
But, it happens and many people are left alone trying to navigate their way around their new life. It is important to understand why you might be feeling uncertain, sad, or confused about what has happened.
So, why is divorce emotionally challenging?
Let’s start with the fact that you have just lost someone you loved.
Love is a profound feeling and it sneaks upon us in the most unexpected ways. When you marry someone, you do not only move in together and set up a home, you merge two lives together and share everything.
Your partner becomes your whole world, and then, suddenly, they are gone. And, the person you loved leaves an empty space behind.
The feeling is similar to when you lose any loved one, no matter if that is a spouse, parent, or child. The pain and grief are the same. Sometimes, you will look back on the relationship with fondness.
Other times, you will feel angry and want to withdraw from everyone around you. All of these feelings are perfectly normal.
Coping with divorce is hard enough between two partners, but most of the time, people who divorce also have children. Therefore, the separation is not just between a couple, but it ends in a broken family.
Every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy, and they want to give them the best life possible. However, many parents feel guilty for not making their marriage work and therefore put the blame on themselves.
This is particularly difficult when the children are young and cannot understand exactly what has happened. This can cause other problems for children adjusting to the new family system.
All you can do is help your child with the transition and talk to them openly about dealing with emotions after divorce.
Popular culture such as movies, songs, and books convey love as an idealistic, magical experience.
Of course, that is true. It is a marvelous feeling to fall in love. Although, anyone who has fallen in love knows that in reality, being in a marriage is difficult. It requires two people to be open-minded and considerate.
As well as mixed emotions after divorce, people are confronted with the fact that their dream life, dream person, and dream future has been changed.
Plus, you need to think about how your future will turn out, make decisions for yourself, and get used to being alone for the first time, in possibly a long time.
Now you might be wondering, how to cope with divorce, what you can do, and how to build a life after divorce.
Eight Tips to Help You Heal After Divorce
Learning how to cope with divorce is a complicated and intense process. You might be wondering how to split finances, organize co-parenting, and also how to manage your own emotions.
In order for you to be there for your family and build a new life for yourself, you will need to prioritize looking after yourself. You will need to take time to process the divorce so you can move on fully.
1) Be Gentle to Yourself
A breakup is tough emotionally, but a divorce is even harder. You might have been with someone for years, or maybe months, but the effects of getting divorced take a long time to get over.
Instead of trying to ignore your feelings, pushing on with life, or repressing difficult emotions, you need to learn to be gentle to yourself. You need to allow yourself time to feel all the different emotions.
Self-care and being compassionate to yourself is essential for coping with life after divorce, and it will help you handle all the other obstacles that come with it.
2) Don’t Rush
As mentioned before, losing a loved one through a divorce means you’ll have to give yourself time to experience the grief. Divorce marks an end of a part of your life, and therefore you need to take your time saying goodbye.
That might mean talking with your partner, journaling, or simply being alone and reflecting on your marriage.
That being said, this process will look different to everyone, as everyone’s divorce ends differently. The most important thing is to remember both the good and bad parts of the relationship.
This will help you find closure and move on with your life.
3) Think Positively
It can be easy to fall into the trap of viewing your divorce as a failure and maybe you have people around you who are judging you for your decision or criticizing the way you handled it.
Ultimately, you do not need to justify the decision to anyone. Your marriage was between two people, and it does not mean that you failed because it didn’t work out.
As well as this, divorce rates are even higher nowadays than they were in the past because society has changed and there is not the same pressure to settle down and have children with someone.
To avoid feeling shame or negativity towards your marriage, you should try to have a positive outlook. This helps you think positively and accept what has happened.
4) Surround Yourself With Happiness
After getting divorced, some people may feel lonely, depressed, and isolated from friends. This might be due to the fact that couples tend to form similar friendship groups, or you might want to withdraw from everyone else.
Not only this, but the process of getting divorced is tiring and it can get messy, especially if children are involved and you need to attend custody trials.
Because of these reasons, you need to ensure that the people around you are good for you. This means you should think carefully about the people in your life and if they are supporting you during this time or making it worse.
This can be hard because you might not want to accept the idea that your close friends or family are affecting you negatively, but it is vital to your well-being that you are self-aware about your environment.
It can be helpful to go to counseling, or another type of therapy if you feel that you are struggling with removing toxic people from your life.
5) Reach Out to Friends
For any life change that someone goes through, it is crucial that you have supportive friends to lean on and comfort you. This is one of the most important ways to get through a divorce, talking and being with others.
However, you need to think carefully about who you confide in and make sure that they are trustworthy. This will become more important as the divorce becomes more permanent.
You will want someone you can rely on around you to help you with planning a move, a different job, or simply to sit with you and cry. Everyone needs help during these hard moments.
6) Build a Routine
Once you have finalized the separation and decided on where you will be living, the next step is building your routine. After living with someone and merging your life with them, you will have to create a new routine.
This tip is helpful for life in general, but it is particularly useful for people starting a new life after marriage. Routine can help you feel more grounded, in control, and safe.
You will benefit from the consistency during a time that feels overwhelming and out of control. For instance, you can try a new hobby, go for a run, or set a new morning routine to start your day with positivity!
7) Enjoy Being Single
Being alone after marriage can be strange and you might feel an instinct to date again and meet someone new. That being said, it is healthy and beneficial to take some time alone.
It is a good way to process your feelings, and get used to your new living situation. In addition to this, you will learn to be confident by yourself, gain coping mechanisms, and enjoy doing things you love.
This is especially important if children are involved in your life. You do not want to change their environments even more. So, taking time away from dating is good for you and your children.
8) Make the Most of Resources
Thankfully, divorce can be made easier with the use of online tools and communities. For example, have you heard of 2houses?
2houses is a wonderful online platform created to help divorced parents handle co-parenting and assist you in the practicalities of your new lives apart.
How do they help?
They have tools to help you with organizing shared custody, finances, and other helpful software to make the transition as smooth and easy as possible for you and your family.
Divorce doesn’t need to be stressful. If you have the right resources around you, it can be manageable for everyone involved.
As well as 2houses, another great way to get support during a divorce is joining online chatrooms, groups, or book clubs where people discuss their own experiences and offer advice on different topics.
This can be hugely helpful for those who are struggling with their separation and offers comfort in times of need. You don’t need to go through it all alone.
Divorce is scary and often takes people by surprise, as no one thinks they will get separated when they first get married.
When the day comes when you decide to go separate ways with your partner, you might not know what to do or find it hard to create your identity after marriage.
Finding Yourself After Divorce
To make sure that you don’t lose confidence or develop feelings of depression and anxiety, the best way to find yourself again is to connect with your passions and hobbies.
This can be through taking online classes and developing a skill that you might never have had time to learn, or it could mean working towards being financially independent.
After divorce, it is common to split finances until your partner is secure and fully independent from their spouse, so striving towards financial independence is a great way to create a new life for yourself.
It also makes you feel empowered and confident for the future. This will make it easier going to events alone, making new friends, and living in your own home.
It might take a while to get to a place where you are truly content, but it will happen. It will just take time and patience.
Making Life Easy After Divorce
The last thing anyone needs after divorce is more stress due to organizing and planning the practical parts of a separation. To avoid this, 2houses is there to help!
You no longer need to worry about sorting finances, planning custody dates, or messaging with your ex-spouse when you can do it all in one place. These tools are there to make life easier for you after divorce, not harder.
So, why not make the most of these resources? That way, you will be able to spend more time on yourself and work towards your new dream life!
Reach out today to find out more!